Share Your Crazy Artifacts and Cursed Magic Items!

[Sheogoroth]

Hey Y'all!

I absolutely love fun loot, especially stuff that's possibly-awesome-possibly-horrible. It's probably top 3 on my things I love about DMing next to funny voices and writing twists.
So since sharing is caring, I thought I'd share with y'all some of my favorite creations!

Behold the Armor of the Undying Crusader!
+3 Stanching Half-Plate
Moderate Fortification
1/day Circle of Protection against Evil(5 rounds)

This armor is an intelligent magic item, possessed by the spirit of a holy crusader named Jorgheim.
Once per day, if the wearer is knocked unconscious or killed, the armor will come alive and continue the assault against the wearer's foes for ten rounds. Unfortunately, the armor only has control over itself, and will not bother to eject the wearer's body before using their limp limbs to beat the enemy, causing a great deal of damage to the dying wearer as their head flops loosely abound and their limp wrists are slammed repeatedly against the enemy.

Slam: 1d10+4(1d4 to the wearer)
Speed: 20'

Behold the Banshee's Blade!
+3 Frost Scimitar
1d6 +1d6 frost x4 (20 Crit)
On a successful Critical, the blade will begin screaming as the Banshee trapped within the blade attempts to possess the struck target (DC 16 will save to resist)
The Banshee is a malevolent spirit that wants to be free and will attempt to flee and bide her time to eventually attack again in strength to kill the PC and destroy the blade, ensuring her freedom.
If the body in which she inhabits is killed, she will again returned to the Scimitar.

If the Banshee is removed from the Scimitar, it transforms into a +2 Keening Scimitar with a (18-20 crit)


So those are two of my favorites I've come up with recently, what have you guys got? :D

[Telonius]

Away from my notes at the moment, but was able to dig these up from the forums several years back. The final versions were a bit different, but this is the gist:


The Bell
Dealt a nasty sonic attack several times per day. Lots of damage, deafening, and so on. Also allowed Freedom of Movement several times per day.

The Book
Intelligent Blessed Book (enhanced). Had access to every nonepic spell ever written, as per a scroll. Player can't scribe new spells into it, so use it once and it's gone. Also granted a +20 on each type knowledge check once per day.

The Candle
Emits light as an Everburning Torch. Functions as a Candle of Invocation 1/day and a Candle of Truth at will. Becomes a Vorpal Brilliant Energy Holy Avenger in the hands of a Paladin.

Use all three of them at once, and it creates resonance that will eternally banish any devil or demon within a five mile radius; but doing so destroys the items.

[killem2]

I cannot remember where I saw the damn thing, but it was:

Something bag of something.

Put 1gp into bag, get 1d4 pp instead when you pulled it out. Usable once a day.


If I was going to make one:

Chalice of Heroic Deeds

If the bearing drinks holy water from the Chalice once per day and performs one good deed a day, after 200 days They gain one level in their current class. This bonus is retained as long as the bearer continues to drink from the chalice normally and performs one good deed a week. Only one level may ever be gained from this per person. If they stop the deeds they lose the level.

[FelineArchmage]

Our DM gave our party a gigantic metal egg that - when activated by the House d'Lyrander (Eberron) member of our party - turned into a dragon mech, Voltron style!

We don't know too much about it since we kind of handed off to his house and haven't come back to it yet, but it can apparently be upgraded with scales from psionic dragons.

[Segev]

The Ring of True Invisibility

This gaudy gold ring has rubies all around its outer circumference, save the top, which has a gigantic emerald with a tiny diamond chip inset into its top facet. When put on, absolutely nothing special seems to happen.

However, when removed, the person who removed it immediately becomes invisible, as per greater invisibility. Nothing can render him visible (though effects like glitterdust and throwing flour on him can make his outline visible enough to tell where he is), save putting the ring back on. As long as he wears the ring, he is visible.

There is a cult-like group of individuals who have each worn the ring who work together to keep the ring in their possession. They have their own plans, and group plans, with the goal of making sure that they each get a chance to be visible at various times to advance their own and the group's agenda. They're mostly willing to accept new members if they'll play along, but will happily murder somebody who will neither join them nor give up the ring.

[Thurbane]

Helm of Blind Faith

All of the wearer's divine spells are automatically empowered, with no change to spell level or casting time; at first use, the visor slams down over the wearer's face (enclosing forehead to nose): the eye slots also close. The wearer is rendered blind. As a nasty additional effect, the helm also negates any blindsense, blindsight, and other similar abilities the wearer may have. Once activated, it requires a remove curse to remove.

[King of Nowhere]

Most of my custom artifacts are just incredibly op, but this one can fit the spirit of this thread


"If it breathes, it is my enemy; if it does not, I have to think about it".

This axe is inextricably linked to the orc Kraash, the exalted exterminator of the expanses. A warchief, he laid siege to a city, but he soon grew bored with it and, lacking ways to climb the walls and reach the defenders, he slaughtered his own army instead; he then killed all the cattle around, and he chopped down some trees. He uttered the above quote to explain why he left some trees standing; to him, killing his own followers was a perfectly reasonable and rational course, one that didn't need any justification. He went on to kill everything in sight, and eventually died of starvation that winter after eradicating any edible animal or plant in a 100-km radius. Those acts, while questionable by the most enlightened of people, brought him immortal glory among the orcish population, and the axe he was wielding when he performed them became a very powerful item; one, however, that also endows the bringer with Kraash's bloodlust and disregard for logical consequences of one's action. Some theorize that the axe was cursed in the first place and it was what caused Kraash to act that way, but what little historical records we possess of that time suggest that it was actually rather common behavior for the orc chief, and he wasn't new to such feats.
After the axe was recovered from Kraash dead body, it passed hands many times.
Type: greataxe
Inventory: two handed weapon
properties: +10 enhancement bonus
acidic, flaming, electrical, cold, sonic
- 5 to INT and WIS (to a minimum of 1)
+ 5 to CHA
-2 to AC and to all saving throws
When in combat, the bearer enters automatically a rage like a barbarian. If the bearer already is a barbarian, the rage grants him an additional +2 to STR and CON and +1 to will saves. This rage has unlimited duration, and the bearer is immune to fatigue; while in this state, the bearer will attack everything within sight, including allies and loved ones. This rage cannot be stopped intentionally and it only ends when there is nothing to kill left within sight. This effect can be resisted when it starts with a will save (DC 22); if the saving throw is successful, the axe behaves as any simple nonmagical greataxe until it changes owner.

special: because of its history, the axe is likely to grant a nonmagical circumstance bonus to diplomacy with most orcs.

[Nebuul]

I did this one a while back:

Gong's Theatrical Accompaniment
http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?522608-New-artifact-plot-device-Gong-s-Theatrical-Accompaniment


Have fun!