DM'ing Romance

[Catullus64]

In a recent session of an ongoing game, I introduced a new NPC. She played a fairly functional role, simply being there to communicate some plot information to the players. I decided to play her with a Southern (American) accent, just to give some flavor to an otherwise insignificant NPC. Turns out I do a Southern belle right proper, because one of my players decides to have his character fall in love with her.

Now, while I trust this particular player to avoid being creepy, and his affection for the NPC was kind of sweet, I'm still (justifiably) apprehensive about including a romantic subplot; I've heard horror stories from other games about this kind of thing, and I'm always apprehensive about my ability to portray women qua women. However, romantic love is a big part of life, and artificially suppressing it from a game's story (as I've always done) seems... sadly limiting.

I have plenty of anecdotes of how this kind of thing can backfire horribly, so I don't need more of those. Does anybody have any stories, from either a player or DM perspective, about a romantic relationship in-game that actually worked?

[sophontteks]

It can be fun if you're both adults about it. This can add a really human aspect to the game. And can be something you can really use to pull the strings of that character.

Just talk about it away from the table. Like, "Yo, don't make this creepy."

Bonus points if the NPC dies.
*Evil cackle*

[LordEntrails]

I would ask the whole party about it out of character. You know what you don't want to happen, and what your concerns are, hopefully your players can do the same and also see the potential for the fun for it as well.

[Unoriginal]

It's not because the PC is attracted to her that the NPC will reciprocate, you know.

She could be in an exclusive relationship, or not interested by romance, or not interested in the PC.


In any case, my advice is to trust your knowledge and your guts and do what adds to the campaign the most. Just don't let it become a session time black hole or make you pull your punches regarding this PC.

[Ninja_Prawn]

It's not because the PC is attracted to her that the NPC will reciprocate, you know.

As a rule, I tend to let the dice decide how NPCs feel in these situations. Romance has only come up once for me as a DM, and the dice told me the NPC was married, so that was the end of that. :smallsigh:

As a player, I'm currently playing a PC that is courting someone (or being courted by someone, depending on your viewpoint), and it has added a lot to the game for me. That said, both PC and NPC are nobles and we live half a world apart, so it's mostly just been exchanging letters so far. Perhaps that's good advice in general - to keep the lovers apart as far as possible, so that the romance subplot doesn't cut into other people's game time?

[DigoDragon]

One of my D&D campaigns from many years back had an NPC that joined the party on a particular quest. The PC ranger fell in love and they started dating. I talked with the players OOC to ensure everyone was okay with it and asked questions about what is fair game and what isn't. After that was worked out the campaign progressed and went for a long while with those two being a battle couple. The smoochy romance stuff was kept subtle as agreed upon by the players. After the campaign concluded in victory, the PC and NPC got married and retired happily ever after.

I think the success of the romance was due to good communication early on what everyone felt about it and setting limits everyone was comfortable with.

[Mjolnirbear]

My rules:

1: no sex. Everyone at my table is sex positive and gay, but we're not reproducing pornography, we're telling a story. Every sex situation becomes "Fade to black".

2: romance is fine. It's still an NPC. You neither control them nor get to decide what they say or do. There is no guarantee you'll succeed at influencing them or that they'll do what you want.

3: Romance is a side quest at best. Write letters about your adventures to your love, or motivate your character using your romance, but table time is not devoted to your relationship exclusively.

4: If anyone is or becomes uncomfortable, then full stop. We'll work out *what* makes them uncomfortable and set rules around it.

[dejarnjc]

I think it's fine with mature players but I personally would solely use or strongly encourage the use of 3rd person narration to do so. This prevents much awkwardness while still encouraging roleplay and also speeds it up so the other players don't get bored.

[strangebloke]

On-screen relationships I had:

1. Dwarf with a serious thing for elves, runs into an elven member of his order who was in a similar situation. They were both very mission oriented people, but it was fun seeing my buddy roleplay his excitement every time he saw evidence of her being in the area.

2. Barbarian Prince who took a hankering to the sorcerer's sister (an actual, honest-to-god princess). Out of character it was a very amusing courtship, although in character the sorcerer was very irate about the whole thing. Never really went anywhere because the barbarian really needed to make nice with the father if he wanted anything to happen, and he refused to do that. I had this whole plot setup where the king would give three impossible tasks to the barbarian, and it was going to be fun sidequest... but as soon as the princess said, "No, I'm not running away with you. I have my duty. Speak to my father, please." The barbarian just shrugged and never spoke to her again.

[MagneticKitty]

Our gnome sorcerer was in love with a one armed NPC tiefling wizard. It was cute.
They did dates but nothing cringey, like shopping trips, then cut away. This was a game with no brothels during play. Some of the violence was bad but there are lines we don't cross.

The cut away is your friend. Make sure your players know (all of them. Not just this one) you will keep all onscreen romance pg or pg13 (your choice) and you will remove the npc if things get awkward or it makes anyone uncomfortable.

[Angelalex242]

My rather high level Paladins have been known for romancing celestials/goddesses. My latest 5e character, though, romanced a Silver Dragon (through the Rise of Tiamat campaign, of all things!) Was there any practical effects of this? Sure. When the Cult of the Dragon attacked, I had an adult silver dragon IN MY BEDROOM. That helps quite a bit with not dying.

Romancing fantastical things like angels and dragons is so over the top, it never really creeped anyone out. Also, my lawful good character is romancing lawful good beings, so it naturally goes the engaged/married route.

[Catullus64]

My rather high level Paladins have been known for romancing celestials/goddesses. My latest 5e character, though, romanced a Silver Dragon (through the Rise of Tiamat campaign, of all things!) Was there any practical effects of this? Sure. When the Cult of the Dragon attacked, I had an adult silver dragon IN MY BEDROOM. That helps quite a bit with not dying.


Brilliant. I like that story so much, I may have my own lady NPC turn out to be an ancient dragon. Good thinking.

[DeadMech]

I feel for you.

In my game the DM introduced a flirty female tabaxi monk npc seemingly out of the blue and seems genuinely surprised at how quickly one of his players decided his male tabaxi rogue was in love with her. He's not helped that myself and another of the party members are very excited at trying to help hook them up. The other playing a male lizardfolk seems to be also interested in her, perhaps. Odd one, him. Love triangles only make this more fun for me and the other party member though.

But have to be boring as well and use the usual advice. Taking to people like they are human beings and discussing the things that make us uncomfortable in an open and honest manner like fully functional adults. It often sounds so much easier in theory than it is in practice.

But this is a game. For fun. If something isn't fun for people at the table we shouldn't try force it. Kinda like real romance. Consent and respecting boundaries are sorta important.

If everyone's up to it though it's a fun addition to a game. Let it be something a player can use as motivation for their character. Probably keep it pg-13.

[Tiwanoz]

Back when my group was playing a Warhammer Fantasy campaign, my female Norscan Khornate Barbarian used rage to wrestle the top position during coitus.

But since we had a Dark Elf and a Slaanesh cultist amongst our company no one really considered this weird.

Hilariously the Slaanesh cultist would always heal us by rubbing our genitals or nipples.

[Petrocorus]

In a recent session ...r DM perspective, about a romantic relationship in-game that actually worked?

This kind of things can sometimes surprisingly go well.

I sometimes run games with teenagers during the holidays.
I once had a group of 12 - 13 y.o teens playing in a roman gaul -based setting.

I just decided for joking that one unimportant NPC related to a gang they were chasing was attracted to one of the PC, the other players immediately wanted her to go along with it to use the NPC against the main foes.
The player of the said PC get on the idea, played the part and finally seduced the NPC and used it as an additional party member. At the end of the scenario, we decided that the thing was to keep going and both characters were going to marry.


PS: J'aime beaucoup ta signature.

[JeffreyGator]

My rather high level Paladins have been known for romancing celestials/goddesses. My latest 5e character, though, romanced a Silver Dragon (through the Rise of Tiamat campaign, of all things!) Was there any practical effects of this? Sure. When the Cult of the Dragon attacked, I had an adult silver dragon IN MY BEDROOM. That helps quite a bit with not dying.

Romancing fantastical things like angels and dragons is so over the top, it never really creeped anyone out. Also, my lawful good character is romancing lawful good beings, so it naturally goes the engaged/married route.

My bard ended up romancing the wandering curious young adult silver dragon in Storm King's Thunder and teaching her to shapeshift earlier than normal.

[sophontteks]

My bard ended up romancing the wandering curious young adult silver dragon in Storm King's Thunder and teaching her to shapeshift earlier than normal.
Bards. I play a glam bard, so there's quite a list of seducing things. I mean enthralling performance lasts an hour.

[Honest Tiefling]

It's not because the PC is attracted to her that the NPC will reciprocate, you know.

Rejection is also a normal and healthy part of life. Don't force yourself to do something because you feel like it SHOULD happen. No one in their right mind wants to play a round of 'Is the DM uncomfortable yet?'.


In my game the DM introduced a flirty female tabaxi monk npc seemingly out of the blue and seems genuinely surprised at how quickly one of his players decided his male tabaxi rogue was in love with her.

I would be surprised too! That sounds like it didn't take that long!

Back on topic, if you have the NPC show interest in one PC, find other hooks for the rest of the party related to her. Her brother might be a jerk who decides that another PC is his rival and attempt to ruin everything (perhaps hilariously and incompetently) for them. Her family might have connections to organizations that the other player characters are interested in (such as guilds, criminal gangs, or religions) joining, converting, or conquering. Perhaps a younger sibling or cousin starts to look up to one of the characters and tries to emulate them, or find a way to help out.

[Specter]

Be descriptive instead of roleplaying. Say 'her eyes gleam with admiration when you display your chivalry'. Etc.

[DeadMech]

I would be surprised too! That sounds like it didn't take that long!

It really didn't.

She appeared at the tail end of a fight with some ettins, afterwards she walked over to the male tabaxi asking for a reward for "saving" us. She brushed his cheek with her tail, his jaw hit the floor and has yet to recover since. She was given a handful of gold by him then she asked the Lizardfolk paladin for use of his celestial mount, which he happily handed her the reins to. She then ran off to town to collect our reward for the Ettins.

The "girls" of the party (me and our actual female player played ranger) never even spoke to her. One of us searching the bodies and me 20-30 feet off the ground looking out for any more ninja ettins. (One of the ettins walked up out of an open field from off the battle mat and one shot the ranger with no warning.) So we just watched this in horror.

[Nifft]

Me-as-DM: "Guys, I'm not interested in romance RP with any of you. But I do really like romance plots as PLOT, and as DRAMA, so propose relationships as you wish offline and I'll tend to resolve them favorably, when applicable. There will also be benefits to making an NPC friendly, like favor with the ducal house or price reductions from the merchant family, when reasonable. If your romantic overture is rejected, there may be an in-game reason which you need to investigate & resolve. Any romance RP will be in the 3rd person from my perspective, but you'll be free to write in whatever person you want when you narrate approved events."

[Finney]

I think it's fine with mature players but I personally would solely use or strongly encourage the use of 3rd person narration to do so. This prevents much awkwardness while still encouraging roleplay and also speeds it up so the other players don't get bored.

I agree with your approach. Narrate in the third person to avoid awkwardness and keep it brief, since the other players at the table are likely to get bored if you spend too much time on romantic subplots.

If the player starts to get too graphic, cut it short.

You put on your robe and wizard hat.

Romantic interlude over, back to the rest of the party. :smallcool:

[sophontteks]

If the player starts to get too graphic..



Grab popcorn.

[Laserlight]

The campaign I ran last year. Four players = two straight married couples, and we've all known each other for several years. During Session Zero, the question of romance arose, and I said "whatever y'all are comfortable with, I can handle."

Alice was a man-hating lesbian ex-slave and warrior.
Beth was a druid who didn't understand nudity taboos; she decided that when she wildshaped, her clothes tore off or vanished, and didn't come back when she reverted to human. And sometimes a few hours went by before she got around to finding more clothes.
Charles was a noble fop/vigilante archer; Daniel was his manservant, and helped him get dressed and undressed (and assisted in business matters, kept track of property, and occasionally murdered people). They deliberately played it as implying a gay relationship that wasn't actually there.

To add to the fun, Charles' mother (NPC) was trying to get him to marry and produce heirs, so the entire household took an active interest in what they imagined to be his lovelife. There was great excitement when Beth was found sleeping on his bed au naturel (she'd come in as a cat); by that point Charles' mother had given up hope of him marrying a noblewoman and was ready to accept any female as long as she was human, or at least human-ish.

Alice and Charles came to blows when the party was burglarizing an office, the city watch patrol came around the corner, and Alice did the "Quick, kiss me so we don't look suspicious!" thing. Charles took exception, loudly. It came out that he was not gay and the reason he hadn't shown any interest in her was because she was a barbarian and ex-slave, therefore of lower social standing than the ladies of the Black Rose bordello, where, in fact, he had a standing appointment every Tuesday night. The watch patrol had to pull her off him; she was out for blood. Out of character, the players had a hard time getting out a line or two of dialog without cracking up.

Eventually Alice started flirting with Beth--buying her necklaces and such. Beth was open to the idea but also wanted to get a relationship going with the local princess. I was sorry that the campaign ended before that happened, because the princess was a rakshasa...

[Pex]

I have played in a game where my character met someone, courted and dated, and eventually married at campaign end. I even had an adorable way to pop the question. Obviously it can be done. You need maturity between the DM and player. If both the DM and player are being immature about it, it's a mess but then they're likely kids/teenagers in real life. Psychiatrists/Psychologists can have their own ideas about what's going on. As adults, the DM or player can tell if the other will handle it well. If you know if not then don't pursue it. You get the one-night-stand jollies the immature person wants and move on with the real game. When both are serious of the matter it's a fun roleplaying phenomenon. You can enjoy the fictional romance as you would reading one in a book or seeing it in a movie.

[Catullus64]

PS: J'aime beaucoup ta signature.

On ne loue d’ordinaire que pour être loué. :smallwink:

One idea I had for how to make in-game romance feel real was this concept of "Dungeon Dates:" a bite-size combination of a few puzzles, a quick social encounter, and a combat, just between the one player and the NPC. Our games already involve lots of individual character segments, so I doubt it would be too obtrusive. Ideas for cutesy mini-dungeons that would be good for a first date?

[strangebloke]

On ne loue d’ordinaire que pour être loué. :smallwink:

One idea I had for how to make in-game romance feel real was this concept of "Dungeon Dates:" a bite-size combination of a few puzzles, a quick social encounter, and a combat, just between the one player and the NPC. Our games already involve lots of individual character segments, so I doubt it would be too obtrusive. Ideas for cutesy mini-dungeons that would be good for a first date?

I like this idea, but it's going to be completely couple-dependent. Maybe the NPC wizard needs some help with retrieving her family's long-lost spellbook. Maybe the NPC gladiator wants a partner for his next string of fights. Maybe the NPC rogue wants help breaking her dad out of jail.

Basically, watch the "The Boiling Rock I & II" and "The Southern Raiders" and "The Firebending Masters" episodes from Avatar: the Last Airbender, and reimagine them as dates between couples.

---

If you want to engage the whole party, I think the best ever date mission in a video game is in Dragon Age II. Reframed for DND it would work something like this:

NPC is a very dutiful and busy person with dangerous job. He can't always take time off, and if the PC wants to spend time with him/her, they'll have to go on a work-date.

The problem being that they'll spend all the time working (fighting criminals, defusing traps, cracking bank vaults) and no time dating. So the rest of the party has to run interference and ensure that for once, the NPC has an easy night and actually has time to relax while on duty with his lover.

[Petrocorus]

On ne loue d’ordinaire que pour être loué. :smallwink:

Aïe. :smalleek:

[Catullus64]

Aïe. :smalleek:

Just some mild ribbing, and another quote from La Rochefoucauld. Je suis désolé.

In response to strangebloke's suggestions, I do like the idea of getting other party members involved. All those Avatar episodes are a bit serious; I was thinking more along the lines of Zuko's segment from "Tales of Ba Sing Se." Maybe have the party use their various skills and powers to help said character prepare for their date.

Alternately, I could have the NPC accompany the PCs into the next main dungeon, and contrive some circumstance, like a cave-in or a teleportation trap, to have her and the PC in question alone together. Maybe have a puzzle which requires a kiss or a love song to proceed.

[strangebloke]

Just some mild ribbing, and another quote from La Rochefoucauld. Je suis désolé.

In response to strangebloke's suggestions, I do like the idea of getting other party members involved. All those Avatar episodes are a bit serious; I was thinking more along the lines of Zuko's segment from "Tales of Ba Sing Se." Maybe have the party use their various skills and powers to help said character prepare for their date.

Alternately, I could have the NPC accompany the PCs into the next main dungeon, and contrive some circumstance, like a cave-in or a teleportation trap, to have her and the PC in question alone together.

"Cave of Two Lovers" if you want a more lighthearted Avatar kick.

If you haven't already given the NPC combat stats, you might have some fun making them the perfect complement to the PC. The Swashbuckler falls for a tough barbarian chick? Make her a wolf totem barb.

This can make the mini-dungeon more fun, as you can send them high-CR encounters that they're perfectly suited for. Using the swashbuckler/barbarian couple as an example, there might be a trapped door that will trigger poison gas release after the door closes behind them. The rogue spots it and moves to disarm the trap, and the barbarian needs to hold the door open.

That kind of stuff. Cheezy as heck, but that's Dungeons-and-Dating for you.

[GlenSmash!]

When DMing Romance I try to be as graphic and explicit as possible.

I've found it really discourages my players from trying to get me to DM Romance.

[Petrocorus]

Just some mild ribbing, and another quote from La Rochefoucauld. Je suis désolé.

Don't be. That was a good one. I'm obviously going to use it.



In response to strangebloke's suggestions, I do like the idea of getting other party members involved.

What is the party composed of?

[Lombra]

At my table my PC is in love with an NPC (because of a random outcome from a carousing table somewhere in the DMG) and we keep it clean, I roleplay my character as simply having a strong bond, putting the NPC's wellness as the top priority, make him think out loud about her and spending a good amount of time with her as a downtime activity.

No first person romantic roleplay save for a phrase or two when it makes sense or when we want to have a laugh at it.

Though in my case the NPC doesn't travel with the party on adventures, but waits for them in in the city they always come back to.

[Catullus64]

What is the party composed of?

The lovebird in question is a Half-Elf Paladin (Oath of the Crown). Other party members are a Human Rogue (Assassin), who is a narcissistic stage actor, an Elf Wizard (Necromancer), who is a grave-robbing medical researcher, and a Dragonborn Barbarian (Zealot) who is a half-mad ascetic.

An...interesting bunch to help facilitate romance.

[Honest Tiefling]

Southren Belle has been kidnapped by criminals? That rogue would sure be helpful in freeing her, yup yup. Unless they are some sort of assassin without criminal connections, which is theoretically possible. Her family could also have the money or outright own a theatre or be a patron of the arts. Perhaps her family is a patron of a rival actress! Or actor, if they swing that way.

The other two are...I think you should just ask the players. I got nothing right now.

[Vintrastorm]

It seems that I am late to the party, so I'm just gonna leave these 2 excellent videos on the subject here.


Number one (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fHVrZVutZ0)

Number two (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpr4flTzinE&t)

[ShadowImmor]

I'm in a group where my character (A NG Cleric) has been dating a CG Sorcerer NPC. Another PC, (A supposedly TN but RPed more as Chaotic, and probably evil, Wizard) is dating a LG Cleric NPC. It's been fun, it's not impacted the game negatively. My character's relationship resulted in a one night stand and a child who got nabbed by the big bad and forcibly grown to an adult in a matter of weeks and infected by a substance known as Miasma giving him odd magical powers, all so he would be a Vessel for Tiamat. My Cleric then died, and the clerics best friend (a TN EK Fighter Drow PC) took over looking after the NPC son (Oliver) as if Oliver were his own.

The other PC relationship with the wizard and NPC cleric has given the player some good roleplay opportunities and allowed her to reign in a bit and try and act a little less evil (thought it's not really worked, her first reaction to pretty much everything is still Fireball)

And recently the TN Drow PC (Played by my wife) has just revealed he's in love with another member of his order (though a different school. They're basically Witcher's and the Drow has apparently fallen in love with the a higher up in a different Witcher House)

We also have a Rogue who has slept with so many different characters we constantly rib him (both in and out of character) for it.

It hasn't detracted from the game as far as any one has said or noticed, we've all enjoyed it and they've all added extra story elements to the games. But they've been done tactfully, it's more like "OKay I'll seduce and spend the night with her." Then the consequences come up later, but actually it's been really good fun and interesting to see what happens.