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leninsbeard
2018-06-22, 07:52 AM
Hello everyone.

Longtime lurker here, looking for some life advice. The thing is, in the last few months I often feel lost, almost as if I had no purpose in life right now. I've spent quite some time on this forum, and I do know that the community here is very helpful and friendly - so let me give you a brief summary on my life so far, and then I'll ask you a few questions that you can(hopefully) able to help me with.

I was born in a small town in a certain third-world country, shortly after the USSR has collapsed. My family was quite poor, we had to save money on literally anything, and the city itself was very depressing, with very few good places to work at. On top of that, I also got into a lot of fights at school, my grades were terrible, and I was regularly beaten up at home. All these events gave me a lot of ambition and determination, just to do anything to get away from that hellhole(along with a good amount of self-hate and minor suicidal thoughts). So it was just natural that a year or two before I graduated high school, I decided that I really don't want to spend the rest of my life there, so I moved to a nearby city to enter an university, and change my life for the better.

A few years have passed, and here I am, a few years after graduating from my university. I've spent the last two last years working almost non-stop, for 10-12 hours per day, with no proper vacations, and now I have finally managed to get a very well-paid remote job, with the wage that is more than enough to live as a king(in my home country, at least). But the problem is, I don't feel very happy about it - I almost feel like I have lost so many years working and studying, while the other guys were partying 24/7 and enjoying their carefree life. I also have a feeling that for me, it is just a very unhealthy way to overcompensate for my almost complete lack of personal life, my mediocre appearance and all the personal problems I have. All that hate and resentment that has incubated inside of me for all these years is still there, and it is not going to go away just like that, no matter how much I make or where I live. I do understand that the situation is not that bad, my physical shape is not that bad, and there are a lot of good points about me, but still, it is extremely difficult to admit that sometimes.

So, questions:

1)How do I find myself, and come to peace with myself? I would really like to learn to love myself and become more confident - and while I do have a few things planned in my head, maybe you guys can recommend something.
2)What do you guys can recommend me on a personal development topic? I've been really neglecting most of the books/movies, and wasn't thinking about myself in general, but right now, I would really like to become a better person and change myself, both physically and mentally. My mind is open to nearly anything - so feel free to recommend me anything you like(imagine that you have a younger brother that asks you about interesting stuff). Maybe there was a book that has changed the way you live and think?
3)Is this a topic I should approach a good psychiatrist with? I am a little afraid to open up to someone in real life like that, but I will do it if that can help.
4)And finally - which country would you move to if you had a remote job? I can't leave the country for the next few months due to legal reasons, but I will do so at the very first opportunity. Can you give me an advice on that?

Thank you.

ve4grm
2018-06-22, 04:07 PM
Welcome to the lovely world of mental health, my friend!

Many of us on this board struggle with depression, anxiety, or any of a variety of other mental health issues. If you want some caring folks to chat with, I recommend getting into the Personal Issues thread, where we often discuss these sorts of things. Even just seeing people trying to help other people can improve my mood sometimes!

To try to address your questions:

I'll answer 3 first) Yes! Psychiatrists can be of great help, if you find a good one. Psychiatrists are human too, and some are better able to help certain people. I was lucky and found one that worked for me fairly quickly. You may have to go through a few before you find one that can help you out well, but I assure you that if you find one that works, it can mean a world of difference.

--

1) Coming to peace with yourself is difficult, and different for everyone. A big part of that will be coming to peace with your mental health, and hopefully a psychiatrist or therapist can help there.

Regarding your "lost years" working to get to where you are while others were carefree and partying, I understand it. I'm an engineer, and went through more than enough school to get here. But know that many of those people are looking at you and feeling the same thing. They spent their time carefree and partying, and don't have a future prepared. Neither of you are right, of course. The "ideal" answer for most people probably lies somewhere in the middle. But everyone feels it sometimes - it's called Fear Of Missing Out, and it's a legit psychological phenomenon. You aren't able to do something, and now fear that because of that you've missed out on something desperately important!

The secret is, you haven't. No way of living is inherently better or worse than another, just different.

Since your main concern seems to be your social life (and things around it, such as appearance and physical shape) I recommend making a concerted effort to get out and interact with people. Even extreme introverts like me need the company of other humans sometimes, and working remotely it may be difficult to come by. Find a hobby you enjoy and join a like-minded group or club. Or go out and volunteer! Volunteering is one of the best ways to get a bit of interaction, and also up your feeling that you're doing something worthwhile!

--

2) I'm not sure I have any specific recommendations, but this does bring to mind that joining a book club might be worth it?

--

4) I like it here in Canada? It's pleasant, peaceful, and huge!

In honesty, think about your relationship with your family first and foremost. If it's a close relationship, then bear in mind that switching countries will make it harder to keep in touch. I personally moved across the country a while back, and recently moved back to be closer to family. At the time, I didn't anticipate it being a big deal, but it definitely impacted and/or was impacted by my mental health. Yipes, missed the "beaten up at home" part. Never mind this!

I would look at what your job pays, and figure out which countries you could still live fairly well in. You don't want to drop yourself below the poverty line (in your target country) just for a change of scenery, after all.

Elanasaurus
2018-06-22, 09:40 PM
As for 2): Like ve4grm said, try to get some good human interaction. Self-improvement is great and all, but it feels empty if there's no place to use it. Find a group of people who want to improve themselves in the same area as you, or who have the same interest. You'll probably find a few such groups in this forum. And if you're really really interested in something (which you probably aren't right now), consider going for a class on it.
:elan:

tensai_oni
2018-06-24, 11:34 AM
You didn't lose years - your life wasn't wasted. In fact, your life is just beginning.

What you did was spend a lot of effort into digging yourself out of a life of poverty (and judging by the "beat up at home" part, out of an abusive family situation too). And you managed to do it, congratulations! Few people have both the willpower and good fortune to achieve it, yet here you are. From now on, you'll find that things become easier. You'll have more free time to pursue hobbies, you won't have to constantly overwork yourself and live in fear of uncertain future.

My advice is, take things slow. Start looking into things you enjoy, spend time with others if you so desire - but don't feel the need to rush anything by throwing yourself into activites full force, or by making huge sweeping changes in your life. Change for the better takes time and happens little by little, so much so that you probably won't notice it until some time later.

ve4grm
2018-06-25, 09:46 AM
and judging by the "beat up at home" part, out of an abusive family situation too

Yikes, I apparently missed this part. Never mind what I said about connection with family, then! It ended up being big to me, but probably won't for you.

leninsbeard
2018-06-25, 12:19 PM
Psychiatrists can be of great help, if you find a good one. Psychiatrists are human too, and some are better able to help certain people.

I have actually found a very nice psychiatrist, and we'll have a few sessions as soon as I am done with my surgeries. Really looking forward to it - still a little afraid to do it, but she reassured me that everything will be fine and nothing I say will ever leave the walls of the clinic.


They spent their time carefree and partying, and don't have a future prepared. Neither of you are right, of course.

Yes, I completely understand - you are right that each one of us lives in a "right" or "wrong" way, and I should just stop comparing myself to others.


Find a hobby you enjoy and join a like-minded group or club. Or go out and volunteer!

I do have a lot of things planned for this year(like archery, rafting and travelling to Thailand/Prague), a bunch of concerts, and a lot of good books and movies. Maybe I'll even drop by a strip club or a rave party of some kind - I've never been to a place like that, but who knows? Maybe I'll like it.


I like it here in Canada? It's pleasant, peaceful, and huge!

I have visited Switzerland(Zurich, Bern and Interlaken, specifically) a few month ago on a business trip, and this was a world-changing experience for me. Especially since I haven't ever been abroad, just the sheer contrast of the safety, quality of life, and the general atmosphere of... things gave me a lot of motivation - simply because I actually saw how the other people can live, and I've realized that maybe someday, I can live like that myself. It is not that I hate or dislike Russia, because it is a beautiful country, with a lot of good qualities, but if I was asked about where I want to live, I'd make my decision in a heartbeat.


Yipes, missed the "beaten up at home" part. Never mind this!

Yes, this is a complicated thing - on one hand, my mother is very loving and hardworking, but on the other hand, she is very impulsive and she can be a little harsh at times. I do my best to support her, especially now when she is old and lonely, but... it is still difficult for me to forgive her for everything she's done, especially when she did her best to forget everything that has happened. And I am pretty sure that the only reason why I am not beaten up now is because I am a grown man, and I live a few hundred kilometers away from her. And even now, I feel a chill down my spine every time she calls me(which may be yet another thing to talk to the psychiatrist about).


Even extreme introverts like me need the company of other humans sometimes, and working remotely it may be difficult to come by.

Surprisingly enough, I don't have any problems interacting with people at all :) I have a lot of friends from around the world, I crack jokes and smile, and people enjoy my company and in general. It is just the fact that I still can't really believe in myself and in the fact that I am worthy - that is the whole problem.

One thing I've also noticed - I try to stay away from "normal" girls, or become very nervous when they approach me, and date those with obivious problems(like self-harm) instead. That is not a good habit to have, and that is one of the reasons I broke up with my GF a few months ago. :)



What you did was spend a lot of effort into digging yourself out of a life of poverty (and judging by the "beat up at home" part, out of an abusive family situation too).

Yes, you are right - all that negative life experience has toughened me up, and I really need to learn to leave that behind, and look at the brighter side of things. Thanks for your kind words, guys - they really help me with my issues.

ve4grm
2018-06-25, 02:10 PM
I do have a lot of things planned for this year(like archery, rafting and travelling to Thailand/Prague), a bunch of concerts, and a lot of good books and movies. Maybe I'll even drop by a strip club or a rave party of some kind - I've never been to a place like that, but who knows? Maybe I'll like it.

Be careful if you do. If you don't have experience in those sorts of places/situations, it's easy to be taken advantage of (spend more money than you intend, get slipped drugs you don't know, etc). I'm not saying don't go, but stay aware.


I have visited Switzerland(Zurich, Bern and Interlaken, specifically) a few month ago on a business trip, and this was a world-changing experience for me. Especially since I haven't ever been abroad, just the sheer contrast of the safety, quality of life, and the general atmosphere of... things gave me a lot of motivation - simply because I actually saw how the other people can live, and I've realized that maybe someday, I can live like that myself. It is not that I hate or dislike Russia, because it is a beautiful country, with a lot of good qualities, but if I was asked about where I want to live, I'd make my decision in a heartbeat.

While I've never been to Switzerland (I'd love to go), I do know it to be a lovely place. If you're in Russia, one thing I'll recommend - make sure wherever you move, it's a place that actually gets (at least some) winter. Not getting snow in the winter, when you've been used to it all your life, can be depressing in itself.


Yes, this is a complicated thing - on one hand, my mother is very loving and hardworking, but on the other hand, she is very impulsive and she can be a little harsh at times. I do my best to support her, especially now when she is old and lonely, but... it is still difficult for me to forgive her for everything she's done, especially when she did her best to forget everything that has happened. And I am pretty sure that the only reason why I am not beaten up now is because I am a grown man, and I live a few hundred kilometers away from her. And even now, I feel a chill down my spine every time she calls me(which may be yet another thing to talk to the psychiatrist about).

This is exactly the sort of thing to discuss with the psychiatrist. You may never forgive her, and that's understandable.


Surprisingly enough, I don't have any problems interacting with people at all :) I have a lot of friends from around the world, I crack jokes and smile, and people enjoy my company and in general. It is just the fact that I still can't really believe in myself and in the fact that I am worthy - that is the whole problem.

One thing I've also noticed - I try to stay away from "normal" girls, or become very nervous when they approach me, and date those with obivious problems(like self-harm) instead. That is not a good habit to have, and that is one of the reasons I broke up with my GF a few months ago. :)

That's not all that surprising. There's actually a term for people who suffer from depression, but appear to all outside eyes to be happy. It's called Smiling Depression (https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-guest-room/201411/smiling-depression) and it's especially insidious since people around you can't always see the problem to offer help. These sorts of people spend their energy making sure everyone around them is good and happy, and often don't have the energy left at the end of the day to help themselves cope. Not saying this is what you have, but don't think it's weird at all.

Regarding dating girls with problems, that depends. Are you going into the relationship thinking you can help "fix" them? Or are you going in thinking that since you're broken you deserve someone who is broken too? Or are you just going in because they're legitimately girls you like, and the destructive behaviour is beside the point? This may or may not be a problem depending on what your answer is, but it's another good topic for the psych.


Yes, you are right - all that negative life experience has toughened me up, and I really need to learn to leave that behind, and look at the brighter side of things. Thanks for your kind words, guys - they really help me with my issues.

Being toughened by adversity can be admirable! You've overcome challenges! Just be careful not to let it harden you too much, to the point where you don't let others in. Good luck to you!

leninsbeard
2018-06-25, 03:35 PM
Be careful if you do. If you don't have experience in those sorts of places/situations, it's easy to be taken advantage of (spend more money than you intend, get slipped drugs you don't know, etc). I'm not saying don't go, but stay aware.

Of course - I'll be very careful and do a lot of research before trying new stuff. I will probably fall for one or two small tourist scams anyway, but I'll do my best to minimize the damage they do, at the very least.


If you're in Russia, one thing I'll recommend - make sure wherever you move, it's a place that actually gets (at least some) winter.

I think I've had my share of cold weather to last me for a few lifetimes :smalltongue: but yes, I'll consider that - maybe live close to some mountains to do some skiing if I want to.


There's actually a term for people who suffer from depression, but appear to all outside eyes to be happy.

I understand what you mean, but my situation is not that bad. I am still quite far from a full-fledged depression, and even if it somehow gets worse, I'll be able to handle it.

There was an excellent game called Doki-Doki Literature club that had one of the main characters dealing with the same problem - in fact, that very game has motivated me to create this topic in the first place. :smalltongue:



Or are you going in thinking that since you're broken you deserve someone who is broken too?


As for the girls with problems - that happens both because I think that I am not worthy of a normal girl, and because I can feel better myself if I can help her with her own problems. And also because I am afraid that a normal girl wouldn't be able to understand me(which is not true at all).

ve4grm
2018-06-25, 04:11 PM
I think I've had my share of cold weather to last me for a few lifetimes :smalltongue: but yes, I'll consider that - maybe live close to some mountains to do some skiing if I want to.

Fair enough! Personally, I find not having snow at christmas to be a bit depressing. But to each their own.


I understand what you mean, but my situation is not that bad. I am still quite far from a full-fledged depression, and even if it somehow gets worse, I'll be able to handle it.

There was an excellent game called Doki-Doki Literature club that had one of the main characters dealing with the same problem - in fact, that very game has motivated me to create this topic in the first place. :smalltongue:

Dammit Saori!

For real, though, people have a tendency to downplay their own issues. Remember that just because your issues aren't as severe as some people, it doesn't mean they're not worth getting help with. It's like cutting a finger, and refusing bandages because other people have cut off their hands.

My own issues as well are minor, but they're still worth seeing a doctor about and treating. Yours, at least in the past, included suicidal thoughts. They are definitely worth talking to someone about, and may or may not be worth medication. It's just like treating any other minor medical condition.


As for the girls with problems - that happens both because I think that I am not worthy of a normal girl, and because I can feel better myself if I can help her with her own problems. And also because I am afraid that a normal girl wouldn't be able to understand me(which is not true at all).

It definitely isn't true. Now, there's nothing wrong with dating girls who do have their own problems, but the reasons you mention send up red flags. What you need to look for is a girl who can empathize with your problems, as you empathize with theirs. Note empathize, not necessarily fix. And whether they have their own issues or not doesn't define this.

In the end, date who you like, not who you think you "deserve" for your problems. you'll be far happier this way.

dehro
2018-07-17, 04:56 AM
Hit the road.

seriously, you have a well paid job that you can do from wherever and you're looking for your place in the world, your life, society?
you are in the perfect position to backpack across the planet.
Plan the first 2-3 legs of your trip carefully, spend a little to get the perfect travel gear: a light backpack, some technical clothing, whatever you need to be able to do your job, a decent camera, one or two objects to remind you of home, multiple copies of personal ID and documents you might need.. your medical papers if you need them. Grow a beard (less shaving equipment for you to lug around)... Sort out a good travel insurance, find someone to rent or sublet your place to/water your plants, and get going.
Don't over-spend.. pick slow moving transportation. it's usually cheaper and will give you the time to connect with your fellow travelers, see the sights. Walk a lot.. it will help you to stay/get in shape and it's cheaper than any other means of transportation.
In fact, if you're religious or simply curious, you could do the Camino de Santiago or something similar.
Don't go to grand hotels but rather pick airbnb, b&b's, couch-surfing options, hostels, or even privately rented rooms. That way you'll actually get a glimps of the lives of others in other countries, you won't put yourself in financial distress and you'll be able to occasionally splurge on a souvenir to send home or something useful.

Pick a country you've wanted to visit, be a tourist for a little while, then look around you. You'll find plenty of other people who are wandering, traveling, taking a sabbatical, finding their way, or simply on holiday. Connecting with them will come easy over a cup of tea at breakfast, a shared snackbar, a simple question on your whereabouts, where they come from or whatever else might pop up and be relevant to the situation you'll find yourself in.
look around, find maybe some charity event or association wherever you are, where you can lend a hand
once you've traveled this way across one or two countries, I'd be surprised to find that you haven't bumped into something worth pursuing, whether it's another country to visit, a nice place to consider living in, someone special, a new passion to pursue... and if you haven't found any of the like, you can always move on to the next town, the next country. Should you find that it's a lifestyle that is not for you, you'll have at least had a nice long holiday and come home refreshed, with new purpose and a few new experiences.

Honest Tiefling
2018-07-17, 12:20 PM
As for the girls with problems - that happens both because I think that I am not worthy of a normal girl, and because I can feel better myself if I can help her with her own problems. And also because I am afraid that a normal girl wouldn't be able to understand me(which is not true at all).

NEVER EVER EVER DO THIS. This path leads to pain and resentment. Never date someone for being 'broken' or to save them. This type of relationship is unhealthy and unless both parties can move past this feeling will likely result in failure.

Date someone you like and who likes you. Someone you trust, someone you want to spend time with and who makes you smile. You might get someone with all of their ducks in a row, in which case, great! But lots of people have problems they'll need to or want to rely on someone else, through often to different degrees. Don't date to help someone, help someone because you want to help THEM because you care for them and want to because of who they are, not what their issues are. Date the woman, not the issues.

A similar background can help build a relationship, but it can only go so far. People can be understanding of your past without having to have gone through something similar.

No one deserves a relationship, and no one deserves a certain type of relationship. If you find an 'unbroken' lady who decides to settle down with you, trust and respect that she knows what she wants and needs.

Xyril
2018-07-18, 02:31 PM
You didn't waste your life--you traded an easier life during your youth for what is hopefully a happier, more prosperous life in your future. Those years are only wasted if you don't allow yourself to reap the rewards you that you worked so hard to earn.

I can't speak to the psychological issues (especially regarding counseling and all that), but others have already said plenty on that subject. Just give yourself permission to enjoy all you have. You're never too old to party, if you really want to experience that part of life you felt you missed out on, but it's also fine if there's something else that would make you happy right now.

You're also never too old to find someone. Granted, it's probably incredibly daunting to start dating in your 30's or 40's, it always is. The truth is, it is easier to start in your teens, or in college, because inexperience and mistakes are more common, more expected, but it's not as much easier as most people think. It will always be awkward and uncertain taking those first steps, and most people will make blunders. The only difference is that people have had more time to rationalize or minimize the awkward mistakes they made when they were young.

Just work on yourself. By that, I mean take the time to understand and become comfortable with the social (and dating) conventions where you live by going out and trying things you might like that also happen to involve interacting superficially with people. Common knowledge and common experiences tend to be one way to form deeper connections with people, so experiencing things is good, but don't force yourself to keep doing things you dislike just because they're popular. Find things you're passionate about, make them an important part of your life regardless of whether it helps you meet people, but also do things that are more popular, and enjoyable to you, but not necessarily something that drives your passions.

Find someone--either someone you know in real life, or an online group of people from your country and your culture--to figure out the general expectations for grooming, fashion, etiquette, etc. outside of a work setting. This doesn't mean you have to conform, but it's good to know how the way you dress and act will be seen by most others before making a choice.

Also, remember that you have good reason to have good self-esteem. Success is attractive to most women and many men. By this, I don't mean cynical gold-digging (though that's certainly something that happens)--I mean that the strength of character it takes to decide that you want to change your life and to actually follow through and make that change happen is something that a lot of people like to see in a partner. You don't need to trick or fix someone to like you. Instead, the challenge for you is to meet people, or to figure out the dating game, with the goal of getting people to take the time to get to know you better and see your good qualities.

leninsbeard
2018-07-28, 04:22 PM
Hit the road.

I still have some things I need to take care of in Russia first, but I will definitely travel once I am done with that. I've already planned my route(some Asian countries first, then Europe, and then the US) and got all the papers I need, so it's just a matter of time, pretty much.


NEVER EVER EVER DO THIS. This path leads to pain and resentment. Never date someone for being 'broken' or to save them. This type of relationship is unhealthy and unless both parties can move past this feeling will likely result in failure.

Yes, I know :smallsmile: but it is so easy to go down this path! Right now, I am literally forcing myself away from some girls that are like that, and trying to meet someone who is more mature and wholesome. It is a long and difficult process, but I am working on it.


You didn't waste your life--you traded an easier life during your youth for what is hopefully a happier, more prosperous life in your future. Those years are only wasted if you don't allow yourself to reap the rewards you that you worked so hard to earn.

Also, remember that you have good reason to have good self-esteem. Success is attractive to most women and many men.

Hopefully I will be able to get what I want :smallredface: your words remind me of a way I like to think of my life as an RPG character generation, where you can take some negative traits to make up for the positives, and boost your stats in one area if you take a penalty in another.

In the last couple of months I have already lost a lot of weight, learned to cook some new things, and I can definitely see a good effect from my counseling. It is a very... new and refreshing when you do things you couldn't even think of doing a year ago, like going out with a pretty girl that you thought was way out of your league :smallsmile: partying the whole night, doing a parachute jump, or going to a rave club.

On a side note: I also get a lot of flak from some of my friends for my new ambitions, but there is not much I can do about it in the end. I may need to confront them about it later(which is something I really don't want to do, but oh well).

Thanks a lot to all you guys for your help and advice. I will definitely keep it all in mind - and maybe write a post about half a year later, just as a small update on how things are going. :smallsmile:

charde
2018-07-30, 12:50 PM
I still have some things I need to take care of in Russia first, but I will definitely travel once I am done with that. I've already planned my route(some Asian countries first, then Europe, and then the US) and got all the papers I need, so it's just a matter of time, pretty much.

That is one of the big things -- it takes time to make changes, to change how you view yourself, get yourself into a new way of thinking. It sounds like you have made some progress already in this area from what you're saying below....

but just always be patient. It's one of those things in my experience where things might seem slow going at first, and then after awhile you look behind you and realize how far you came. It is never too late to make a change; and it's always down to "okay, between giving up on change or changing more slowly than I wish, changing is still better for my happiness, so... i'm gonna change."



Hopefully I will be able to get what I want :smallredface: your words remind me of a way I like to think of my life as an RPG character generation, where you can take some negative traits to make up for the positives, and boost your stats in one area if you take a penalty in another.

It really is that way. Plus there's also unfortunately that random "starting wealth/status" roll in the beginning, so some people start with less resources and some start with more.

There was a lot in my life that has been very difficult/painful to get through, but I wouldn't be who I am without those experiences so it's hard to say I never wished I went through it. It sounds like you have been through a lot early on as well. I collect meaningful quotes, and there's one I can read right off my cubicle wall here: "Your journey has molded you for the greater good, and it was exactly what it needed to be. Don't think that you've lost time. It took each and every situation you've encountered to bring you to the now. And Now is right on time." I don't usually buy into quotes unless I've had the life experience to reinforce it, but it's now something I remind myself when I feel bad that I spent so much time in stasis without making much headway.


In the last couple of months I have already lost a lot of weight, learned to cook some new things, and I can definitely see a good effect from my counseling. It is a very... new and refreshing when you do things you couldn't even think of doing a year ago, like going out with a pretty girl that you thought was way out of your league :smallsmile: partying the whole night, doing a parachute jump, or going to a rave club.

That's really great. It feels really good to do something you never thought you could handle before, whether it's something physically a little unnerving or socially. It gives more encouragement to keep trying new things and develops your confidence in your ability to deal with them.


On a side note: I also get a lot of flak from some of my friends for my new ambitions, but there is not much I can do about it in the end. I may need to confront them about it later(which is something I really don't want to do, but oh well).

Some friends are friends for life; sometimes we are friends with people who, as we change, they might change in other directions and we're not as close. It's okay when that happens, it's just part of growth and change and figuring yourself out. If and when you finally talk to them, those who will stay with you will listen and hear what you're telling them; and if there are some that don't, it'll be okay.

I find that when I vocalize who I am (rather than hiding it all the time out of fear of rejection), then it provides an opportunity for those who can identify with me and/or who are aligned with the direction I'm heading to join me and vice versa. So it's always an opportunity, even if some things are lost on the way.

Anyway, so much luck and best wishes towards you, I'm glad to hear you are feeling optimistic and feel like some things are changing.

Izzarra
2018-08-05, 02:00 AM
1)How do I find myself, and come to peace with myself? I would really like to learn to love myself and become more confident - and while I do have a few things planned in my head, maybe you guys can recommend something.
2)What do you guys can recommend me on a personal development topic? I've been really neglecting most of the books/movies, and wasn't thinking about myself in general, but right now, I would really like to become a better person and change myself, both physically and mentally. My mind is open to nearly anything - so feel free to recommend me anything you like(imagine that you have a younger brother that asks you about interesting stuff). Maybe there was a book that has changed the way you live and think?
3)Is this a topic I should approach a good psychiatrist with? I am a little afraid to open up to someone in real life like that, but I will do it if that can help.


I started a martial art a few years ago, Aikido, and met an amazing Sensei that helped me with the first three points you mention. Truly changed my life for the better. Please note that not all martal arts instructors will have this effect.