Things I've learned from comics

[Ash Williams]

- If you spot a red object with a yellow-and-black stripe, for the love of God, don't touch it!!

- Never put Scott Free in a deathtrap. Knocking him out or shooting him is a safer bet.

- Leaping across rooftops and power lines is a faster way to get across town than cabs or subways.

- Wolverine sucks. (NOTE: This is just my opinion, due to personal reasons. Please don't start a war over it!!)

- If you have a weakness to specific items (such as shattered remnants of a planet), they'll practically be selling them in every corner drugstore.

- You can get exposed to cosmic radiation, splashed in the face with hazmat material, volunteer for a supersoldier project, be the last survivor of a race, etc., gain powers, and nobody thinks a thing. But if you have an X-factor in your DNA, you'll be dodging lynch mobs on a daily basis. (NOTE: I'm perfectly aware that it's a metaphor for racism; the first person who tries to mention this will be beaten like a crying child in a department store).

- THE RULE OF NINJAS: If there are 20 or more, a first-grader could take 'em down. If there's just one, then he's death incarnate.

- Non-powered heroes are immune to broken glass.

- You're allowed to be the one and only survivor of your home planet. Except, of course, for your cousin, pets, an entire city, half the planet's science projects, a parallel dimension full of criminals from your homeworld, etc.

- Deliberately trying to force symbolism into a story is idiotic; having it flow from the plot naturally is OK.

- James Marsters should've played John Constantine.

- If an agency's acronym spells out a word (like CONTROL), it's okay that what each letter stand for doesn't make sense, as long as the acronym is cool. To use a further example, here's a paragraph from tvtropes.org (http://www.tvtropes.org):

An episode of MST3K plays with the long, awkward acronyms often adopted by charities, by having both of the bots participate in walkathons for WALKATHON (Walkers At Large Kinetically Altruistic Through Hygiene Or Nowledge -- the spelling of "nowledge" being intentional, as WALKATHOK wouldn't make sense) and HELPING CHILDREN THROUGH RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENT. (Which is NOT the name of an organization, but actually the acronym for his organization's name. The name itself is about four sentences long, borders on absolute gibberish, and doesn't fit very well on a T-shirt, either: Hi Everyone, Let's all Pitch In N Get Cracking Here In Louisiana Doing Right, Eh? Now Then, Hateful, Rich, Overbearing Ugly Guys Hurt Royally Everytime Someone Eats A Radish, Carrot, Hors d'oeuvre, And Never Does Dishes. Eventually, Victor Eats Lunch Over Peoria Mit Ein Neuesberger Tod.)

Any others you want to add, feel free!!

[Gundato]

...

Now that you mention it, Marsters WOULD have been a perfect Constantine.

[The Extinguisher]

-All superheroes are pefect tailors

[Solo]

People will not take superheros seriously unless they wear ridiculous costumes made from spandex.

[Green Bean]

-All grappling hooks automatically attach securely to buildings; you will never miss. However, despite being secure enough to hold your body weight, it will come free with little more than a tug once you're finished swinging (I'm looking at you, Batman).

[Jerthanis]

- Before Superheroes existed, the world survived for billions of years... once Superheroes arrived, the world has nearly been destroyed hundreds of times within 10 years. Something is always happening, and heroes act like an event magnet. If a superhero is in an airport, it will come under attack. If he is at a bank, the same thing will happen.

- Life threatening injuries disappear moments after medical attention is provided. Batman will suffer a 30 story fall, and require brain surgery, but be Batmanning it up again almost immediately afterwards. Spider-man will heal gunshot wounds overnight if he can actually get hospital treatment. Blood loss is never really traumatic.

- People age at different rates. Cyclops grew up faster than Spider-man, but slower than Kitty Pryde. (IIRC, Cyke seemed to be about 25 or so back in the late 80s, Kitty was introduced as 13 in the 80s, but is about 20 now, Spider-man was 15 in 1963, and was about 22ish in the late 80s, and might be about 25-28 now)

[FoE]

Dare I say these words, and risk having a thousand comic-book fans hurl soup cans at me? I MUST!!

"With great power comes great responsibility."

Thanks, Uncle Ben. :smallsmile:

[Green Bean]

Villain CR

Like an ideal gas, a villain's threat potential expands to fit its super-foes. Lex Luthor will fight the Justice League to a standstill, but fall one-on-one against Batman in a later story.


The Most Important Rule

Don't mess with Squirrel Girl. Seriously.

[Dalenthas]

The power level of the heros is entirely dependant on the writer/story. One minute Iron Man is more powerful than the rest of the Avengers combined, the next he's getting beaten up by someone without powers.

Also, people only have mental breakdowns when the story requires their absence.

[Mewtarthio]

The Choice

When given the choice between saving your love/sidekick/family member or the Greater Good, the correct answer is "the former." When given the choice between saving your love/sidekick/family member or your love/sidekick/family member/random civilians, the correct answer is "both."

On Provoking the Hero

Never attack the hero's loved ones. You will fail (or else the hero will just resurrect the victim), and the hero will suddenly be filled with rage against you. Seriously, just because Norman Osbourne managed to permanently off Gwen Stacy (leaving Spiderman with years of angst and grief) and then not only got his subsequent death retconned but also got retconned from "weird guy in a Halloween costume with a pumpkin fetish" into "nigh-omniscient criminal mastermind with a psychological torture and Xanatos Roulette fetish" doesn't mean you'll be able to do the same.

[Logic]

- People age at different rates. Cyclops grew up faster than Spider-man, but slower than Kitty Pryde. (IIRC, Cyke seemed to be about 25 or so back in the late 80s, Kitty was introduced as 13 in the 80s, but is about 20 now, Spider-man was 15 in 1963, and was about 22ish in the late 80s, and might be about 25-28 now)

Peter Parker celebrated his 30th birthday to coincide with his 30th year of publishing. Just FYI.

[FoE]

People can snap and go supervillain as a result of even the slightest trauma. Can't beat that one mission in Grand Theft Auto? Failed to get that one card you needed for a straight flush? The local grocery store out of your favourite cereal? LOOK UPON ME NOW, FOOLS, FOR I AM THE FACE OF EVIL!!!

One of the best ways to develop superpowers is to be personally associated with a superhero. Any "normal" people in a super-powered being's life will inevitably be granted powers of their own, either to assist the hero during a crisis or to be turned against the hero and serve as one of his/her greatest foes.

Plans went sour? Blasted into atoms? Don't worry: unless people were vigourously campaigning to get rid of you, you'll be miraculously resurrected at some point, no matter how many pinkie-swears and oaths to God were made that you would never to return. (cough cough Norman Osborne cough cough)

Every hero will inevitably clutch a dead lover/friend/partner in his or her arms at least once in his life.

[Rob Knotts]

-The Peter David/Deadpool (or Metafiction) Equation

The more openly you mock the reader, the larger and more devoted the audience will become.

-The John Byrne Universe

Whenever writing for a Marvel title (outside of X-Men), Byrne will do his best to work in the Fantastic Four and/or Alpha Flight, Sub-Mariner, the Super-Skrull, and Superman (aka Gladiator).

More generally:

-Longevity automatically includes an immunity to cirrhosis and lung cancer (Nick Fury and Wolverine).

-There's something about Teen Titans and League of Superheroes that lets young men in tight costumes feel very secure about thier sexuality.

-Once a villian or hero steals the prototype, no military or corporation will ever try to recreate the techonology or put it into action.

-Secret labs conducting research costing billions of dollars never keep records off-site (see above).

-Never talk comics with a guy wearing a Green Lantern shirt. Worst. Idea. Ever.

-Every popular Marvel character develops a healing factor eventually.

-Every female superhero has the power to endure costumes few mortal women could walk around in, let alone fight crime.

-Admantium and Vibranium are incredibly rare - except when they're not.

-Never start collecting an Image comic until it hits issue #5.

-Villains never cross-reference pictures of X-Men or Teen Titans with nearby high schools or colleges.

-The more melee weapons and modern body armor a hero wears, the sooner the comic will be cancelled.

-Kirby is king.

-The most amazing thing about Kitty Pryde is not her aging, it's not her decades of unrequited love for Colossus, it's that Claremont never got around to making her another super-dominatrix.

-Terra's never really dead.

-Adam Warlock rejects your reality and substitutes his own!

-It doesn't matter how good or bad an artist is, if he draws buxom women, all fans and critics will ever see is boobs.

-When Bruce Banner and/or the Hulk goes on an astral or subatomic adventure, it's time to look for a new writer.

-No two magicians ever visit the same dimension unless they do it together.

-The only continuity that matters is what happens from the beginning of one story through to it's end. Everything else is trivia.

[Jerthanis]

Peter Parker celebrated his 30th birthday to coincide with his 30th year of publishing. Just FYI.

Really? Okay, well, that makes sense. You'll understand that characters appear to be certain ages, and it's difficult to look up their ages at any benchmarks in their history, so I'm mostly guessing here. I remember specifically when Kitty was first introduced it specifically said she was 13, and in Astonishing X-men I think they said she was 20-something... which I suppose is 7ish years in 26ish years? Hmm... I guess that's slower than I originally thought.

Oh well! Change my third thing I've learned to "Time progresses strangely... such that it requires close examination to understand how fast it's going."

[Green Bean]

Comic book super-geniuses lose their intellect when confronting any problem that is shared by the real world. Reed Richards can take a week to create a vaccine for an alien virus that no one on Earth has ever seen, but is helpless in the face of cancer, or even the common cold.

[Tirian]

-Villains never cross-reference pictures of X-Men or Teen Titans with nearby high schools or colleges.

Neither villains nor anyone else ever assume that the hero has a civilian identity, even though they know that every unmasked hero had one. If they were to make that assumption, then it would be trivial to match them up.

And if they ever had years of belief that X and Y are the same person, they can be convinced otherwise by two minutes of seeing the two people in the same room, even though they know that there are shapeshifting heroes and masters of disguise.

[Foeofthelance]

-There's something about Teen Titans and League of Superheroes that lets young men in tight costumes feel very secure about thier sexuality.

C'mon, with Starfire, Wondergirl, and Rose hanging around? They don't have enough time to see what the other guys are wearing. They're more focused on what the girl's aren't.


-Villains never cross-reference pictures of X-Men or Teen Titans with nearby high schools or colleges.

The X-Men all attend the Xavier Academy, which is essentially a private boarding school. As the New Men, or what ever the latest radical human fronts organization can attest, attacking a school whose faculty includes several paramilitary units, and whose student body could probably fight off a small division before lunch, not to mention the giant robots hanging around, you don't want to cross reference, or you'd know just how much trouble you were getting into.

As for the Teen Titans, Titans Tower is in San Francisco, and none of the Titans live there. They all commute in from their hometowns. Those who don't, don't attend schools for various reasons.

Let's see, what else?

- Magneto is a psychiatrist's dream. Having him for a patient almost guarentees a book deal.

- When it comes to reboots, writers occasionally fail. We can accept Scarlet Witch going off the deep end with her brother giving her a nice push, but Superboy prime punching time because he's an angsty teenager? ><

- Superweapons generally aren't.

- No matter how much time and money is devoted to stopping a specific threat, none of it ever actually accomplishes anything.

- HULK SMASH!

- SNIKT!

- BAMPF!

- Brains always beats brawn. (Ref. Superman vs. Batman)

- Highly recognizable villains can become president of the United States, and the average joe still won't recognize them on the street.

- Nothing beats a trenchcoat and fedora as a disguise...even in sunny California!

- Despite having lost over fifty years ago, there are still enough Nazis running around to give one a good beating when a hero gets bored.

- Even married, superheroes almost never have children. When they do, Junior somehow manages to flash-age to go adventuring with mom and dad.

[gatitcz]

There's one I'm surprise no one's mentioned yet:

- Nobody dies. Or stays dead more than a decade, of course. At that point a fan becomes a comic book writer and reboots the world to how it was when he was a kid.
- Brawn always beats brains. (Ref. Superman vs. Lex Luthor) :smallwink:

[FoE]

There's one I'm surprised no one's mentioned yet:

- Nobody dies. Or stays dead more than a decade, of course. At that point a fan becomes a comic book writer and reboots the world to how it was when he was a kid.:

I did. :smallsmile:


Plans went sour? Blasted into atoms? Don't worry: unless people were vigourously campaigning to get rid of you, you'll be miraculously resurrected at some point, no matter how many pinkie-swears and oaths to God were made that you would never to return. (cough cough Norman Osborn cough cough)

[Rob Knotts]

-There's something about Teen Titans and League of Superheroes that lets young men in tight costumes feel very secure about thier sexuality.
C'mon, with Starfire, Wondergirl, and Rose hanging around? They don't have enough time to see what the other guys are wearing. They're more focused on what the girl's aren't.That would be it, yeah:smallbiggrin:
The X-Men all attend the Xavier Academy, which is essentially a private boarding school.

As for the Teen Titans, Titans Tower is in San Francisco, and none of the Titans live there. They all commute in from their hometowns. Those who don't, don't attend schools for various reasons.Not sure about the high schools, although I think there were a few times when kids from Xavier's would leave for other local schools, at least temporarily. As for the Titans, when I got into the title two or three of them were hanging out at college campuses near the Tower, and in both X-Men and Titans members did occasionally socialize with local students - this was usually interrupted by Juggernaut or Brother Blood soldiers showing up, but what are ya gonna do?

[Ditto]

More correctly, the rule is, "Nobody stays dead, except Bucky and Uncle Ben."

Until Winter Soldier. "Nobody stays dead, except Uncle Ben."

Until Uncle Ben reappeared. In an alternate universe or whatever, but Uncle Ben came back.

So yeah, you're right, "Nobody stays dead." My bad. :smallsmile:

[T.Titan]

- Despite having lost over fifty years ago, there are still enough Nazis running around to give one a good beating when a hero gets bored.


Actually that one's not that unbelievable: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/6985808.stm

Creepy, ain't it?

The old rule was "Nobody stays dead, except Jason Todd, Bucky and Uncle Ben.
And the new rule should be "Nobody stays dead except Gwen Stacy and Batman's parents."

[Beleriphon]

So yeah, you're right, "Nobody stays dead." My bad. :smallsmile:

Correction:


In truth the only people that stay dead in comics are Bruce Wayne's parents.

[....]

...

Now that you mention it, Sting WOULD have been a perfect Constantine.

Fixed it for you.

[Nerd-o-rama]

- Brawn always beats brains. (Ref. Superman vs. Lex Luthor) :smallwink:
Unless the brains belong to Batman.

[Logic]

Actually that one's not that unbelievable: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/6985808.stm

Creepy, ain't it?

The old rule was "Nobody stays dead, except Jason Todd, Bucky and Uncle Ben.
And the new rule should be "Nobody stays dead except Gwen Stacy and Batman's parents."

Except that Gwen Stacy has been brought back twice in semi-memorable stories. During the clone saga, there were as many Gwens as there were Peters, and in Ultimate Spiderman, she was cloned after her death (Big surprise there!)

[Lord of the Helms]

Except that Gwen Stacy has been brought back twice in semi-memorable stories. During the clone saga, there were as many Gwens as there were Peters, and in Ultimate Spiderman, she was cloned after her death (Big surprise there!)

Well, the clone saga, for all intends and purposes, has been wished from not only continuity but also reality more than pretty much anything else in the comic world.

Gwen did, however, also come back to life during House of M.

[Ditto]

Oh, good one! Gwen Stacy doesn't count, but Batman's parents are for sure. That being said, they never really *appear* and have an impact the way, say, Uncle Ben did. It's sort of like saying Peter's parents never came back. Sure, they were killed, and that had a huge influence on his childhood... but they weren't actual characters to speak of.

[gatitcz]

I did. :smallsmile:
Crap. I don't know how I missed that.


Unless the brains belong to Batman.
Well, yeah, but Batman can beat anyone. Somehow. His side even won in The Kingdom.

[Jerthanis]

Unless the brains belong to Batman.

I guess that rule should just read "Batman always wins, even... perhaps especially... when he has no right to do so."

[sealemon]

You can have super strength, super reflexes, web shooters, and a precognitive danger sense, and a blind martial artist without fear can still fight you to a standstill. As well as an old man with wings and a fur collar.

No matter what your money problems are, you will always have enough cash to buy/make your gadgets/weapons. Unless you're a bad guy, then you have to rob a bank.

No matter what your power level, the more lives you threaten, the worse your chances for success are.

A domino mask is more than enough to protect your secret ID. See also Glasses: The Perfect Disguise.

Criminals are retarded. Of all of Batman's villains, only one ever thought to figure out just how much bank Batman would need to fund his vehicles and gadgets (Ras al Ghul), and only one ever figured out that staking out the top of Police HQ when the Bat Signal was showing would be a good idea, and even HE didn't use a sniper gun to kill Batman when he had the chance (Bane).

If your power should have some sort of dangerous side effect, you will 100 percent immune to it.

A flung shield/Baterang/billy club is a thousand times more accurate than a pistol/rifle/shotgun/laser guided missle.

The Batmobile is a super fast, rocket powered car that can never quite catch up to the Joker Jalopy, or whatever it's called.

Speaking of shields: Bad guys NEVER figure out that aiming at the legs of a shield using hero might be a good idea. Even if there's a dozen of them, and half could aim high and half could aim low. I believe this rule is related to the Always Attack One AT A Time rule for fighting martial artists.

Yes, Superman, you DO have superspeed. I've seen you use it before.

Yes, Flash, you CAN use your superspeed to dodge attacks.


- Leaping across rooftops and power lines is a faster way to get across town than cabs or subways.

So is swinging from a webline or grapple line.

[Beleriphon]

Oh, good one! Gwen Stacy doesn't count, but Batman's parents are for sure. That being said, they never really *appear* and have an impact the way, say, Uncle Ben did. It's sort of like saying Peter's parents never came back. Sure, they were killed, and that had a huge influence on his childhood... but they weren't actual characters to speak of.

I'm sure that the exsanguinated corpses of Thomas and Martha Wayne would disagree that they never appear in any Batman comics.

[Manga Shoggoth]

I'm sure that the exsanguinated corpses of Thomas and Martha Wayne would disagree that they never appear in any Batman comics.

So would the ones from the alternate timeline where Batman himself saves them.

[Ditto]

You know what I meant, Beleriphon. :smalltongue: As proper characters, who *do* stuff, besides exsanguinate. (Good word, btw. Cookie for vocab!)

[....]

Yes, Flash, you CAN use your superspeed to dodge attacks.

It always annoyed me that Flash EVER got hit.

Didn't one of the Flashes run at the speed of light? He could kill anyone in the world by throwing a pebble at them, yet he always gets shown up by other heroes.

Beh.

[PsyBlade]

Flash getting hit is like a young guy going up against his aged master. Flash gets hit because he wasn't thinking. That should be the sole reason he ever gets hit. Is it? No.

BTW: the youth vs master thing is about how the master acts and thinks, but the youth (who should be in better shape) does a think>act>repeat cycle. The master wins because he is always thinking. No Flash has mastered acting and thinking.

[Ditto]

Still. The Flash moves at the speed of speed. Why wouldn't he just run around in circles until he found an appropriate pebble? What sort of villains did he even face? I know there was an ice guy (no friction, clever! But at the speed of speed, negligible friction is friction enough...), a boomerang guy (who is hilarious, and more like Squirrel Girl than a proper villain IMO), and some Mirror Guy who made Flash clones. What *else* has been keeping him busy all these years?

[T.Titan]

Except that Gwen Stacy has been brought back twice in semi-memorable stories. During the clone saga, there were as many Gwens as there were Peters, and in Ultimate Spiderman, she was cloned after her death (Big surprise there!)

Clones? Never heard of them... http://www.celestialheavens.com/forums/images/smiles/cantsee.gif
But they don't really count... neither do ghosts or alt universe versions that don't stick around.

And didn't they show Bats parents in flashbacks about his origin?!


It always annoyed me that Flash EVER got hit.


I always loved the whole "vibrating bullets though him" bit... because that's smarter then just getting out of the way. :smallfurious:

[Viscount Einstrauss]

- Some time in the late 90's, Frank Miller lost his mind.

- All superheroes and villains are capable of teleporting at random around the world and sometimes even into space, depending on their necessity. See: Wolverine.

- If you don't manage to scream "Help!" or something similar when there's a superhero around, you're simply collateral damage and it's really your fault.

- If a superhero commits any kind of evil, he was being controlled by something else so it's not actually his fault, no matter how good the reasoning might have been for him to be evil in the first place. See: Hal Jordan.

[Ditto]

- If a superhero commits any kind of evil, he was being controlled by something else so it's not actually his fault, no matter how good the reasoning might have been for him to be evil in the first place.
-Unless he really, really wanted to do it.
-Or he's now a supervillain. (That happens, y'know.)

Cuz we all know that Xavier was pulling a Happy McFeelgood when he ripped Magneto's mind apart and created Onslaught, right?

And clones totally count. If it walks like a duck... and isn't an illusion or a hallucination or a costume or a shapeshifter... then it's a duck. :smallbiggrin:

[GoC]

Flash getting hit is like a young guy going up against his aged master. Flash gets hit because he wasn't thinking. That should be the sole reason he ever gets hit. Is it? No.

BTW: the youth vs master thing is about how the master acts and thinks, but the youth (who should be in better shape) does a think>act>repeat cycle. The master wins because he is always thinking. No Flash has mastered acting and thinking.

That analogy would work if the Flash didn't think about 1000000x times faster then whoever he's up against!
If the master is so old and weak that he can barely move then the youth shouldn't get hit.
Imagine: The master starts to swing his fist. It slowly aproaches, millimeter by millimeter. About 1 hour later the fist connects.
How on earth didn't the youth see the fist coming and dodge? Or even better, pound the master into mince-meat while he waits? In fact why would the fist moving that slow even hurt him?

[FoE]

Superheroes somehow consider purse-snatching in their local neighborhoods a greater concern than genocidal warlords or starving children. :smallmad:

The courts will never require testimony or evidence to put a criminal behind bars so long as he/she was captured by someone wearing a costume. :smalltongue:

Every supervillain prison comes with a revolving door at the front and ladders on the walls.

No matter how many times the Joker/any incredibly bloodthirsty villain breaks out of prison and horribly murders dozens of people, it's somehow 'moral' to keep putting him back in the asylum rather than just killing him.

A female superhero's large breasts never impede her movement, even when they're up to freakin' double D's. :smallbiggrin:

Peter Parker's life will always suck. :smallfrown:

[Ditto]

I believe She-Hulk actually proved, in court, that she has the largest breasts in the Marvel Universe. She's a damn good lawyer.

[gatitcz]

With enough superspeed, you can run across water. Okay, acceptable, if you're fast enough you should be able to fly because you'll hit escape velocity. But water is shifting and shouldn't have any more friction than ice. However:

Someone fast enough to run across water will slip on ice.

[PsyBlade]

There are actual creatures that can run on water.

Nonetheless, all speedsters should have altered their shoes for traction on ice by now.

[SteveMB]

The courts will never require testimony or evidence to put a criminal behind bars so long as he/she was captured by someone wearing a costume. :smalltongue:
I recall one issue of Astro City that established that recognized supers could give criminal testimony in costumed identity, but could not do so in civil cases. (This came up when a superheroine angrily confronted a publisher about his wink-wink-nudge-nudge references to her and her partner being "closer than sisters".)


No matter how many times the Joker/any incredibly bloodthirsty villain breaks out of prison and horribly murders dozens of people, it's somehow 'moral' to keep putting him back in the asylum rather than just killing him.
That is a bit of a puzzlement -- Batman may have a hardcore code against killing, but others have a more flexible outlook, and surely some of them must have lost a friend or relative to one of the Joker's rampages....

[FoE]

I recall one issue of Astro City that established that recognized supers could give criminal testimony in costumed identity, but could not do so in civil cases. (This came up when a superheroine angrily confronted a publisher about his wink-wink-nudge-nudge references to her and her partner being "closer than sisters".)

In that context, yes, but how many comic books are set during trials?

Prosecutor: And what did you do when the Hobgoblin threw the pumpkin bomb at you?

Witness: Well, I gasped "Walloping Websnappers!" before I swung to safety using the nearest flagpole...


That is a bit of a puzzlement -- Batman may have a hardcore code against killing, but others have a more flexible outlook, and surely some of them must have lost a friend or relative to one of the Joker's rampages....

Batman's history with the Joker particularly irritates me because he's been willing to put aside his moral code when a villain, say, threatens to destroy the world. While the Joker's actions generally don't endanger the entire entire human race, at some point the Batman must realize he's effectively condoning further murders by continuing to put him away.

[AtomicKitKat]

The old rule was "Nobody stays dead, except Jason Todd, Bucky and Uncle Ben.

So true. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jason_Todd):smallmad:

To be fair, traffic these days is so bad that walking is probably faster.

It's entirely possible to run on water. It's just that you really do need a pretty good speed, coupled with broad feet relative to mass(see Basilisk, also known as the JC Lizard).

[T.Titan]

The courts will never require testimony or evidence to put a criminal behind bars so long as he/she was captured by someone wearing a costume. :smalltongue:

Now lets be fair, usually there are plenty of other witnesses around during the villain-hero fight when the villain shows his true colors.




No matter how many times the Joker/any incredibly bloodthirsty villain breaks out of prison and horribly murders dozens of people, it's somehow 'moral' to keep putting him back in the asylum rather than just killing him.

Now that would be vigilantism, which is illegal most places. But yeah, the courts should really sentence at least some of the villains to death, unless they always escape before the trial or something.

[Xuincherguixe]

Capital Punishment would probably just make stronger super villains, because you know they'll come back from the dead, with new super powers.

I mean, do we really want a Joker that can breath gases from hell, or a green goblin that when he takes off his mask drives people insane with his non euclidean facial features? Vampire Ninjas?

No, I think the prisons they'll escape from almost immediately are probably safer.

[T.Titan]

or a green goblin that when he takes off his mask drives people insane with his non euclidean facial features?

True... it's bad enough that he's now Wolverine without the adamantium...

[TheMeanDM]

That the average person in a large city in the comic world makes, on average, $10,000,000 a year.

The average construction crew can build a house in 1/4 a day and a skyscraper in a week.

Why?

Because the cost of collateral damage caused by superhero/supervillain fights is astronomical. The demand of money to rebuild/restore the city would be ridiculous, and yet they always get restored to their regular, original state...usually by the time the next comic is released.

And these paths of destruction are waged frequently.

[Ditto]

That's easy - hire someone to cast Fabricate. As with all unexplained continuity issues... a wizard did it. >.>

(Slightly) More seriously: You know that the X-Men aren't the only mutants out there. Just because we hear about the folks with battle-applicable birth traits (Laser beam eyes? WTF? How is that evolution?) doesn't mean there aren't super-electricians out there, earning a steady living in the (re)construction industry. In the X-Men animated series, we first met Colossus as a construction worker demolishing houses. And on Genosha, one of the brainwashed mutants was really good at growing grass. (No joke.) There really are those suckers who get born with nothing but blue skin... and apparently, a substantial working-class category of mutant powers in between.

Obviously.

[....]

Batman's history with the Joker particularly irritates me because he's been willing to put aside his moral code when a villain, say, threatens to destroy the world. While the Joker's actions generally don't endanger the entire entire human race, at some point the Batman must realize he's effectively condoning further murders by continuing to put him away.

Wasn't he going to kill Joker in The Dark Knight Returns?

[Nerd-o-rama]

Now that would be vigilantism, which is illegal most places. But yeah, the courts should really sentence at least some of the villains to death, unless they always escape before the trial or something.
What they do is already vigilantism, just tolerated (see: every damn thread on the Civil War) because they neutralize the super-powered criminals that can step on most cops like we would on cockroaches. Plus, citizen's arrests are perfectly legal, just really difficult to process in real life.

Of course, killing said villains or any other criminals would be vigilantism and murder (or at least manslaughter); as superheroes are much less likely to be cleared of wrongdoing than policemen, who are hired by the state and allowed to kill in life-or-death situations, it just makes sense that they would go out of their way to hand villains over to cops alive.

Said legal discussion applies only in America, of course. I don't know other nations' legal systems very well.

[Tirian]

Wasn't he going to kill Joker in The Dark Knight Returns?


He had the typical "This ends tonight" language, and took out Joker's eye with a bat-dart, but when he found Joker with a nearly broken spine he chose mercy yet again. Joker's final laugh was snapping his own spine knowing that Batman would be crucified for Crossing The Line, and Batman would be the only living person to know that he didn't have the stones to do something that needed to be done.

[Mewtarthio]

Capital Punishment would probably just make stronger super villains, because you know they'll come back from the dead, with new super powers.

I mean, do we really want a Joker that can breath gases from hell, or a green goblin that when he takes off his mask drives people insane with his non euclidean facial features? Vampire Ninjas?

No, I think the prisons they'll escape from almost immediately are probably safer.

You may have a point, since Spider-Man recently brought Mysterio back from the dead.

No joke. Freaking Mysterio. And I'm not talking retcon: He has demonic powers and once removed his... fishbowl-helmet-thing... to reveal that he's got half his face blasted off (apparently he committed suicide). What's even worse is that the arc was a battle between two other Mysterios who had both taken up the mantle (that's right, Mysterio: You came back from Hell and it turns out we've already replaced you!).

[Selrahc]

(Slightly) More seriously: You know that the X-Men aren't the only mutants out there. Just because we hear about the folks with battle-applicable birth traits (Laser beam eyes? WTF? How is that evolution?) doesn't mean there aren't super-electricians out there, earning a steady living in the (re)construction industry. In the X-Men animated series, we first met Colossus as a construction worker demolishing houses. And on Genosha, one of the brainwashed mutants was really good at growing grass. (No joke.) There really are those suckers who get born with nothing but blue skin... and apparently, a substantial working-class category of mutant powers in between.

Obviously.

Theres already been a comic series about precisely that sort of thing. Damage Control, the Marvel Universes construction and cleanup crew employs loads of people whose powers are specifically good at helping in their jobs.

Although there are "No more mutants" so all those people who had handy non battle related traits are gone from the mutant gene pool.

Theres also an explanation for why so many mutants get direct combat powers, and why so many arrive at around the same time in history. It's kind of silly though. The Earth is a cosmic egg, made by the celestials. To protect it, they instilled the inhabitants with the potential for great superpowers, and made it so that these powers would peak at the time the egg was due to hatch. Yeah...

[Mewtarthio]

Theres also an explanation for why so many mutants get direct combat powers, and why so many arrive at around the same time in history. It's kind of silly though. The Earth is a cosmic egg, made by the celestials. To protect it, they instilled the inhabitants with the potential for great superpowers, and made it so that these powers would peak at the time the egg was due to hatch. Yeah...

:smallbiggrin: That'd be a great end to the Marvel Universe! "Then, suddenly, the world exploded, and a giant chicken popped out and ate everyone. The end."

[T.Titan]

What they do is already vigilantism, just tolerated (see: every damn thread on the Civil War) because they neutralize the super-powered criminals that can step on most cops like we would on cockroaches. Plus, citizen's arrests are perfectly legal, just really difficult to process in real life.


A vigilante is a person or persons who ignore due process enacting their own form of justice when they deem the response of the authorities to be insufficient.

By that definition they're not really vigilantes... stopping someone from snatching a purse and handing them over to the cops isn't vigilantism, is it? It's not like your depriving the thief from his right to run away from the crime scene.
It only becomes vigilantism if you apply punishment by yourself, killing them being one way.



(Laser beam eyes? WTF? How is that evolution?)

It's concussive blasts dammit, not lasers. And tell me they don't make for a great defensive adaptation...

[DiscipleofBob]

99% of all superpowered crimes happen in New York City, and 99% of all crime fighters are in New York City. The only time criminals will think to rob a bank outside New York City is when another superhero decides to take root there for some reason. Seriously, if I was a supervillain, I'd look for a better place to start my career than the same city that the Avengers, the X-Men, the Fantastic Four, Spider-Man, Daredevil, and the Punisher ALL patrol regularly.

[....]

99% of all superpowered crimes happen in New York City, and 99% of all crime fighters are in New York City. The only time criminals will think to rob a bank outside New York City is when another superhero decides to take root there for some reason. Seriously, if I was a supervillain, I'd look for a better place to start my career than the same city that the Avengers, the X-Men, the Fantastic Four, Spider-Man, Daredevil, and the Punisher ALL patrol regularly.

What!? There is a long list of valiant (and valid) superhero teams protecting other parts of the US!

See:

The West Coast Avengers:
http://www.toonopedia.com/wackos.jpg

The Great Lakes Avengers (which include Squirrel Girl!):
http://omnibus.uni-freiburg.de/~ungan/covers/gla0.jpg

And for all of us living down in Louisiana:
http://facweb.cs.depaul.edu/sgrais/images/Green/SwampThingSpontaneousGenera.jpg

(I know Swamp Thing isn't Marvel... but I couldn't think of any Marvel teams that defend my great state :smalleek: )

[Ditto]

Oh come on, we all know that they're really laser beams. (I *know* it's concussive force, but it sounds totally lame to say, "Well... I open my eyes, and a red flashy thing comes out and it hits you. Really hard. Like, THWAP! ZOK! But it's not a laser." :smalltongue: )

No More Mutants wiped 95% of mutants, but missed 95% of protagonists. I'm telling you, the grass-growing business in Genosha went belly-up! Scarlet Witch only took away the ones who *didn't* blow stuff up. And the Celestials obviously have varying understandings of the phrase 'great superpowers', since Grassman, and I dunno... Marrow? were among the Epic Results.

[Gundato]

I would argue that eye-beams are NOT a good defense adapation. Unless we assume that everyone is willing to wear red sunglasses and the like.

Speaking of which, how the hell did Mommy Summers survive labor? You would think Scott would have opened his eyes at one point and popped a hole in her.


As for my contribution:
- No matter how many people are killed/disfigured/maimed by the less polite comic book characters (Frank Castle and Moon Knight come to mind), there is always a never-ending supply of thugs willing to perform heinous crimes for no apparent reason.
-No matter how pathetic a villain is, somebody is always willing to step up and take his or her place after his or her untimely demise (I am looking at you Mysterio. Seriously, two people fought over who would get to wear that costume...)

[SteveMB]

- No matter how many people are killed/disfigured/maimed by the less polite comic book characters (Frank Castle and Moon Knight come to mind), there is always a never-ending supply of thugs willing to perform heinous crimes for no apparent reason.

Similarly, the Joker is always able to hire new minions. You'd think word would get around....

[Selrahc]

Speaking of which, how the hell did Mommy Summers survive labor? You would think Scott would have opened his eyes at one point and popped a hole in her.


He didn't lose control until a head inury when he was about six.

[Ditto]

Scott's case particularly (at least in the Astonishing continuity) was a psychological issue, giving him something to focus on controlling while everything else in his life was spiraling out of control - the head injury was a rationalization.

Also, mutant powers manifest around puberty as a general rule.

[T.Titan]

I would argue that eye-beams are NOT a good defense adapation. Unless we assume that everyone is willing to wear red sunglasses and the like.

Speaking of which, how the hell did Mommy Summers survive labor? You would think Scott would have opened his eyes at one point and popped a hole in her.

Powers manifest at puberty... and Cyclops only needs the glasses because he bumped his head really hard after jumping out of a plane together with his bro using only one parachute.

You really want something to pick on? Try Rogue... she basically can't reproduce as teh guy would be dead long before he could contribute (then again i did hear of female necrophiliacs... :smalleek: ).



As for my contribution:
- No matter how many people are killed/disfigured/maimed by the less polite comic book characters (Frank Castle and Moon Knight come to mind), there is always a never-ending supply of thugs willing to perform heinous crimes for no apparent reason.


Read up on the Mob... they killed each other regularly and very few ever died of old age, and they still did it. Street gangs too. Lets not even mention how in the past the death penalty was given pretty freely and there we're plenty of criminals anyway.



Scott's case particularly (at least in the Astonishing continuity) was a psychological issue, giving him something to focus on controlling while everything else in his life was spiraling out of control - the head injury was a rationalization.


WARSKRULL.... (was that really said anywhere? coz he doesn't seem to have his power anymore, so i just figured that Cassandra Nova/Emma just turned it off completly, which could concern another part of the brain as teh fire/hold fire part).

[Ditto]

According to Wikipedia, his powers are currently off. He's either full-blasty-on or nadda-nothing-off.


Try Rogue...
As humans evolve, so does science. There are ways of making babies that don't require sex... though I'm curious whether the baby would be immune. Following comic precedent, the answer is "Obviously, yes."

[Nerd-o-rama]

Besides, whenever you apply mutations randomly to several dozen thousand members of a species, you're going to end up with some dead ends. Contrary to popular belief (and many X-Men writers) "evolution" doesn't just occur to improve a species. Mutations and variations happen randomly; it's just that the ones that really do have a benefit survive and pass them down to their children. Barring SCIENCE!, we won't get any propagation of life-force-absorbing mutants.

Laser beam eyes, however, are a possible new bloodline. Rachel Summers ended up telekinetic/-pathic like mom, but future kids might get the eyebeams.

[Gundato]

Powers manifest at puberty... and Cyclops only needs the glasses because he bumped his head really hard after jumping out of a plane together with his bro using only one parachute.
Ah. I am not really a fan of the X-Men, so I probably missed that. Seems random, but it sort of makes sense.


Read up on the Mob... they killed each other regularly and very few ever died of old age, and they still did it. Street gangs too. Lets not even mention how in the past the death penalty was given pretty freely and there we're plenty of criminals anyway.
I think we can agree that they didn't tend to drop quite as fast as the MAX imprint of The Punisher would suggest (hell, the week or two of 30 or 40 people a night would be a DAMN good deterrent).

As for "Would Rogue's baby be immune?": The answer is guaranteed yes. I really don't think Marvel could get away with Rogue giving birth to a shrivelled up super-tumor.

Of course, it COULD be a really good story-arc. Her kid is an Omega level mutant with really drastic powers (including one that allows it to survive the drains) giving her really freaky super-mutant powers during the gestation period. Not like there aren't already enough mutants with blatant plot-powers.

[Hann]

- If your hero is primarily night based (Batsy, Moon Knight), all crimes will only happen at night.
-Aunt May never asks why Peter is smuggling all those chemicals into his room for web fluid.
-Neighbors will never notice a superhero fly out of their mild-mannered neighbor's home. Ever.

[StudlyDuck]

And for all of us living down in Louisiana:

(I know Swamp Thing isn't Marvel... but I couldn't think of any Marvel teams that defend my great state :smalleek: )

Marvel's version of New Orleans has competing thief's and assasin's guilds that are largely (Or maybe completely. I'm not sure) made up of mutants. Gambit was a member of the the thief's guild, so he pops in there occasionally. There's also the little-known Brother Voodoo.

[T.Titan]

Besides, whenever you apply mutations randomly to several dozen thousand members of a species, you're going to end up with some dead ends. Contrary to popular belief (and many X-Men writers) "evolution" doesn't just occur to improve a species. Mutations and variations happen randomly; it's just that the ones that really do have a benefit survive and pass them down to their children.


Well that's one evolutionary theory... but it's not that ignored... there are plenty of background mutants that just look freaky and have no powers... or there used to be, before Wacky Wanda Day.



Neighbors will never notice a superhero fly out of their mild-mannered neighbor's home. Ever.

This one was most obvious in Spider-Man and his amazing friends, where no-one noticed Iceman's ice slides coming out of the Parker house.




As for "Would Rogue's baby be immune?"

Sharing Rogues genes he really should.

[gatitcz]

I'm curious whether [Rogue's] baby would be immune.

In the Age of Apocalypse and an Exiles reality, Rogue was able to have a child, but she still couldn't touch him after birth.

[Grod_The_Giant]

-there will always be people who will tear apart a perfectly good character or story because they can't suspend their disbelief/stop being omniscient readers/accept silly reasons for much-needed retcons.

-yet, people will still unthinkingly accept mutation as an origin for super-powers, no questions asked. And everyone thinks mutants are evil, no matter how many times they save the world and work with the Avengers.
[spoiler]
Does that mean I could discredit, say, Wonder Man by spreading the rumor he's a mutant?
For that matter, why don't more mutants, once their powers start developing, blame it on cosmic radiation they were exposed to at birth/radical gene therapy used to save their life/toxic waste in the nearby river? I know I would do that...and then put on a costume, stop a few shootings, and BOOM! you're a media-beloved super-hero!

[Gundato]

I think one of the bigger reasons that mutants are so hated (aside from the pathetic racism angle that got boring after the first few years) is because they are pompous jackasses.

Think about it, heroes like Spiderman (used to) fight to protect their secret identity, whereas mutants tend to not even bother with the secret identity.

Plus, I would say that at least 25% of mutants have to be psykers, which doesn't help the argument either.

[T.Titan]

In the Age of Apocalypse and an Exiles reality, Rogue was able to have a child, but she still couldn't touch him after birth.

I loved the explanation on how Mags and her made that happen... they both had magnetic powers (Rogue from Polaris), so technically they never really touched... now that's gotta be a weird experience. :smallamused:

[Lord of the Helms]

You really want something to pick on? Try Rogue... she basically can't reproduce as teh guy would be dead long before he could contribute (then again i did hear of female necrophiliacs... :smalleek: ).


Well, to be fair, there's like five dozen different kinds of ways to temporarily depower people in the Marvel Universe, so Rogue just needs an anti-power bedroom, an anti-power collar, Leech or a hit from the Leech-cannon - hell, there's probably power-inhibiting chewing gum by now :smalltongue:

[Ditto]

Keeping Leech in the next room would be an easy way to let Rogue get frisky. There's a really terrible picture somewhere on 4-Chan of Leech cowering in a corner, smiling, with the caption "Leech likes to watch XD" ::shudder::

As far as Magneto/Rogue goes... he really *is* the master of magnetism. Who could have thought EM fields could be ribbed for her pleasure?

[AtomicKitKat]

Full-body condom. I think one of the Naked Gun movies had those. Personally, I was wondering if the swimmers would be drained before they could reach the ova.:smalltongue:

Here's a scarier thought. What if the baby drains her just as much as she drains it, then after it's born, it can't stop sucking(not just milk), and winds up with something like Omega Red's death factor? Permanent Emanation Deathknell anyone? :smallbiggrin:

[....]

Marvel's version of New Orleans has competing thief's and assasin's guilds that are largely (Or maybe completely. I'm not sure) made up of mutants. Gambit was a member of the the thief's guild, so he pops in there occasionally. There's also the little-known Brother Voodoo.


Er... you know what 'protect' means, right?

[AtomicKitKat]

Er... you know what 'protect' means, right?

Why do you think they call it "protection money"? :smalltongue:

[StudlyDuck]

Er... you know what 'protect' means, right?

Fair enough. I just thought I'd mention them, since they've been a major part of nearly every storyline taking place in the area. It seems like the guilds victimize each other more than anyone else anyway.

[feghoot]

Marvel's version of New Orleans has competing thief's and assasin's guilds that are largely (Or maybe completely. I'm not sure) made up of mutants. Gambit was a member of the the thief's guild, so he pops in there occasionally. There's also the little-known Brother Voodoo.

The less said about Brother Voodoo, the better.

and seriously, what's with the guilds? This is New Orleans, not Ankh-Morpork.

[Green Bean]

Back on topic;

There are two types of radiation. One is released by nuclear reactors and gamma bombs, and is regarded as very dangerous, despite the side effects consisting mainly of superhuman powers. The other is apparently a clean energy source generated by certain metahumans and ray guns. This type never causes cancer or cell damage of any type, instead functioning almost identically to any other energy blast.

Related lesson:

Energy beams possess a great deal of kinetic energy. Whether it's a fire blast, laser burst, sonic cannon, or electric beam weapon, being hit by one will knock you over and/or back on its own.

[Grod_The_Giant]

bad art can make ruin a good story, and good art can save a bad story.

[Finn Solomon]

Here's a scarier thought. What if the baby drains her just as much as she drains it, then after it's born, it can't stop sucking(not just milk), and winds up with something like Omega Red's death factor? Permanent Emanation Deathknell anyone? :smallbiggrin:

Reminds me of Mordred Deschain snacking on his mom in the last Dark Tower book.

[Zacharius]

Leaping across rooftops and power lines is a faster way to get across town than cabs or subways.

Spider-Man at least has superhuman speed.


All superheroes are pefect tailors

X-Men actually ordered their uniforms from FF.Presumably Reed has a costume-manufacturing machine.


Before Superheroes existed, the world survived for billions of years... once Superheroes arrived, the world has nearly been destroyed hundreds of times within 10 years.

Not exactly.Various Sorcerers have protected Earth from extradimensional creatures for thousands of years.


Spider-man will heal gunshot wounds overnight if he can actually get hospital treatment.

He has a healing-factor to limited extent.


Every female superhero has the power to endure costumes few mortal women could walk around in, let alone fight crime.

Disputable. I have seen models with truly absurd clothes.


Admantium and Vibranium are incredibly rare - except when they're not.

No.Adamantium is mass-produced in a factory.There is a large mountain made of Vibranium.


Superheroes somehow consider purse-snatching in their local neighborhoods a greater concern than genocidal warlords or starving children

Status Quo policy.

[Jerthanis]

Not exactly.Various Sorcerers have protected Earth from extradimensional creatures for thousands of years.


True, however, many destruction of the world plots since heroes have come around have come from sources non-mystical in origin, or which are otherwise beyond the powers of one Sorcerer Supreme. Also, I'm pretty sure DC doesn't have a comparable generational superhero archetype, though I suppose there was probably always a Green Lantern guarding the Earth.



He has a healing-factor to limited extent.


Really? I've never seen that listed among powers he has. It's been mentioned that he has toughness far beyond that of a normal person, and he heals fast for a normal guy... but that's kind of my point. Heroes heal their injuries with preternatural speed, even if healing or regeneration isn't one of their primary superpowers.

[Zacharius]

Really? I've never seen that listed among powers he has.

According to wikipedia he has:

Spider-Man is capable of healing injuries faster and more extensively than ordinary humans, though it is considerably inferior to the healing abilities of individuals such as Wolverine or The Hulk. However, Spider-Man is capable of healing from injuries as severe as broken bones within a matter of hours. During a battle with a villain called the Masked Marauder, Spider-Man is rendered completely blind. However, during a visit to an eye specialist, it is revealed that Spider-Man is already healing only after mere hours of being blasted. After about 2 days Spider-Man's eyes are healed to perfection and his 20/20 vision is restored, although they are sensitive for about a day after, shown when Carrion flashed a bright light in his face, but after his eyes are totally healed. During the recent unmasking of Spider-Man in "Civil War," he is ambushed by the Rhino and is injured. However, he heals completely by the end of the issue without medical attention. He even mentions to Aunt May that 'he knows he has always been a fast healer, but lately it seems even more so.' Also when Spider-Man is heavily beaten and drugged, suffering multiple fractures and blood loss by the Jack O' Lantern and Jester in "Civil War," he is almost completely healed in the next issue. Like many superhuman powers, the effectiveness of Spider-Man's abilities varies based on the author and the needs of the story.

[sealemon]

Disputable. I have seen models with truly absurd clothes.

In a streetfight?

Something else I learned: Unless your name is Spiderman or Year one Batman, the police will have no problem at all with you fighting crime.

[Zacharius]

In a streetfight?

Definitely not.But models have displayed clothes as absurd as comic book clothes, even if quite different in nature.

[sealemon]

Ah, but see, that's what comic books teach us!

1. A female superhero/villain can wear the most revealing clothes imaginable, and get into street fights, and be shot at and blown up, and they will never suffer a wardrobe malfunction...all costume rips will be strategically placed to not actually show anything. (Addendum: In the rare case where the costume actually IS blown off, there will be some sort of object conveniently placed to prevent any naughty bits from showing.)

2. It IS possible to engage in combat wearing high heels.

[kerberos]

The law of toxic Spandex:
Spandex is toxic and causes brain damage, this explains not only much of the behaviour of superheroes, but also the inability of their surroundings to figure out their secret identity. For example before Spiderman went public, he was publicly unmasked, admitted he was Spiderman, reacted strongly emotionally whenever anyone went after someone close to Peter Parker, and always turned up when something happened in the vicinity of said Peter Parker, right after aforementioned Peter Parker disappeared. Yet (almost) no one figures it out.

The expanded law of ninjas:
Not only does the power of ninjas decrease with the number of ninjas, the same principle applies whenever any superpower or super-technology is mass-produced.

The law of exotic weapons:
The effectiveness of any weapon is proportional to how exotic it is. The casual observer might assume that a gun that fires bullets would be as effective as one that shot lasers, and considerably more effective than a knife. This however is not the case, particularly not of the knife is of an elaborate and ancient Asian design.

The law of weapon accuracy:
The accuracy of any weapon is inversely proportional to how lethal it is. A non-lethal weapon has greater accuracy regardless of whether it is the weapon that is inherently non-lethal or if it's simply directed against a superhero who is immune or at least resistant to the weapon.

[Beleriphon]

The expanded law of ninjas:
Not only does the power of ninjas decrease with the number of ninjas, the same principle applies whenever any superpower or super-technology is mass-produced.

This should be correctly identified as the Inverse Ninja Law. The effectiveness of ninjas is inversely proportional to the number of ninjas present. In fact it even has its own Wikipedia article. Welcome to the big leagues INL, you've been Wikied.

[JessSoccer]

-The only continuity that matters is what happens from the beginning of one story through to it's end. Everything else is trivia.

Amen to that, especially if we're talking marvel :X

[kerberos]

This should be correctly identified as the Inverse Ninja Law. The effectiveness of ninjas is inversely proportional to the number of ninjas present. In fact it even has its own Wikipedia article. Welcome to the big leagues INL, you've been Wikied.

I know that, but the same principle applies to other things that ninjas, hence the expanded law of ninjas. Arguably it should have been called the expanded inverse Ninja law, but meh.

[Nerd-o-rama]

Weren't several hundred Green Lanterns killed off by the Sinestro Corps recently? Inverse Ninja Law applied to power rings.

[Mr White]

Shadows are a living thing with a mission:
They apparently disregard lightsources when the plot demands it (hiding peoples faces for example) or when nudity is shown (how can a niple be obscured while most of the breast isn't?)

[psycojester]

I seriously hope you meant faces, otherwise i really don't want to read the kind of comics you're into.

[Mr White]

I seriously hope you meant faces, otherwise i really don't want to read the kind of comics you're into.

Fixed it for you.

[comicshorse]

Non-Super Heroes will NEVER shoot a villain no matter how many times they shoot at them.
Gotham Police will never go " Say the Batman just handed us a hand-cuffed Joker. How about we shoot the bastard and say he was trying to escape. Nowbody's gonna prosecute us for that."
Despite Super-Villains murdering thousands of people they will never hurt anybody close to another super-villain so he'll want revenge. ( Seriously do these guys have a Bulletin Board, gonna blow up Centre City on Tuesday, get all your family out.)
Nobody will ever hire a Super-Villain to kill another Super-villain.
Cops will warn Super-Villains deaspite knowing they are mass-murderers with lightningfast reflexes who never miss. This is even if they have seen said super-villain just murder other cops.

[IronMouse]

Every spouse, lover, child, friend, business associate, acquaintance and grade school chum a given super has will be kidnapped/held hostage at some point during that super hero’s career.

[Stam]

Regardless of how careful he or she is about superhero identity.

Makes you wonder why there really was so much fuss over Spider-man finally unmasking himself. It's not like all his family hadn't been targets before...

[IronMouse]

THE LAWS OF SUPER HERO FASHION:

A side effect of acquiring super powers is killer abs

Superhero outfits are completely undetectable when worn beneath every day clothing. This includes capes, wigs, cowls and massive utility belts

Superhero outfits are never disturbed or damaged by their owners super powers

A superhero’s dry cleaner is generally not terribly inquisitive

The more revealing the outfit, the less likely a super heroine is to feel chilled

Fishnet stocking provide better protection than spandex

Wearing a simple wig (even over a tiara) is such a convincing disguise that no villain can differentiate the super heroine form his/her intended victim




THE LAWS OF SUPER POWERED MINOIRITES:

If a hero is a member of a minority…serious stereotypes will be involved.

There are no overweight super heroes unless he is there for comic relief and even then he will not have any “good” super powers

All super teams are required to have at least one minority member.

[Ash Williams]

Here's one a friend pointed out:

People with eyepatches rarely show any signs of it impairing their vision. Nick Fury may be blind in one eye, but he can still blow away HYDRA agents 200 feet away.

[Hawriel]

There are no overweight super heroes unless he is there for comic relief and even then he will not have any “good” super powers
.

Unless being overweight is directly invalved with their superpower. In wich case It will be a super villan and be a little more than morbidly obease.


It doesnt matter if your a police officer, fire fighter, soldier, marine, KGB agent, a scientest with multaple docterates, with 10 years + experince in your profession any teen kid who got super powers yesterday in spandex is automaticly a better than you at your job than you ever will be. This also applies to emotionaly disterbed meglomaniac revenge motivated bilionares..yes you MR Wayne.

[kerberos]

Here's one a friend pointed out:

People with eyepatches rarely show any signs of it impairing their vision. Nick Fury may be blind in one eye, but he can still blow away HYDRA agents 200 feet away.
Actually depth perception doesn't work at 200 yards in any case, so that makes perfect sense.

[Natural20]

What I've learned? Never let a girl touch your Codpiece (http://www.headinjurytheater.com/article59.htm).

[GuesssWho]

Here's one a friend pointed out:

People with eye patches rarely show any signs of it impairing their vision. Nick Fury may be blind in one eye, but he can still blow away HYDRA agents 200 feet away.

I suspect they're only pretending, and secretly are using two-way patches.

[T.Titan]

I suspect they're only pretending, and secretly are using two-way patches.

Nah... patches are for disguise... that's why no one knows that Wolverine is really big in Madripoor under the alias Patch... and Nick Fury isn't in hiding, he just took off the patch and everyone mistakes him for a regular SHIELD agent

[Count D20]

If a character sells well enough, they will eventually make a female version so 1 that fanboys can fantasize without it being gay and 2 to try to sell more comics to girls.
Examples include X-23 ,ultimate spiderwoman who even had his gorram memories,and maybe super/power girl
EDIT if a overwieght/obese character has good powers, it is related to thear weight. ex. blob,big bertha

[Shraik]

-the more powerful a supervillain is, the more ironic the defeat will be. (Black Adam/Martian Manhunter, Mr. Mxyzptlk)

-As Int goes up, Wis goes down.

-The cooler the villain, the shorter the appearance (Where is Onomatopoeia?)

[GnollLord]

Making a deal with the devil is more acceptable than getting a devorce

[Goats_o_Mjolnir]

Death is an illusion

Gods walk among us

and as a sidenote, is thier such a thing as super hero collateral damage insurance?

[Foeofthelance]

and as a sidenote, is thier such a thing as super hero collateral damage insurance?

Marvel actually has an in-universe company, can't remember the name but they have a bulldog for a logo, that salvages all the tech left over from Power fights and uses to rebuild, as well as to rent as high tech security. I think their name was Damage Control?