Evil League of Evil: IC

[GOALentertain]

You have finally done it. You have made it into the Evil League of Evil. You are in the big leagues. The top of the villain ladder. You'll get to rub elbows with Bad Horse himself.

The League used to meet in a sub-basement below a club for villains. Unfortunately, this lair is still facing major repairs due to the explosion. The new League headquarters is on the top floor of a skyscraper downtown. The skyscraper displayed the name of a popular bank prominently along its side, and, in fact, the other floors were taken up by offices for said bank. There are some in the villain community that stated putting the League's headquarters in a bank's office building was a bit too obvious (given that most bankers or controlling interests in banks earn honorary places within the League's sub-group of Villains-Too-Insidious-To-Consider-For-League-Entry).

As the elevator door opens on the top floor, you find yourself (and the other new members of the League) standing in a lobby before a desk where an enthusiastic young man dressed as a cowboy smiles and greets you.

"Howdy, partners," he says with an accent that is clearly fake but also clearly nowhere near western. "Bad Horse has been expect'in you! Right this way!"

He leads you down a hallway behind his desk. He opens a door to another room. Despite the rest of the building having been well lit, this room is fairly dark. There are windows, but they are tinted to the point of making it hard to see anything outside. There are lights, but they seem set to incredibly dim. In the center of the room is a long black table, around which are several black chairs.

Seated at the end of the table is...not Bad Horse. You were expecting Bad Horse. Instead, there is a woman seated there. Like the rest of the room, she, too, is wearing black. Her raven hair falls down to her shoulders. Her elbows are on the table, hands pressed together at the fingertips. She looks up as you enter.

"Welcome," she greets you.

[Printer's Devil]

The Banister had to drag himself through the doorway of the stairs near the elevator. He waves vaguely to the cowboy concierge, finds the nearest occasional seating, and flops down heavily. Must start... doing more... cardio... he thinks, panting. But he is The Banister, and it just wouldn't do to make an appearance stepping out of an elevator.

It takes a few minutes to catch his breath, but eventually he stands up, adjusts the bandolier of spindles across his chest, and walks somewhat stiffly into the conference room.

The woman seated at the table catches him off guard; where was Bad Horse?

"Hello. I am The Banister. Is there assigned seating, or...?"

[lukitux]

The elevator doors slide open. Joshua SharkLaser stands in the elevator, wearing a basic lab coat with a patch of a shark with a laser on it's head ironed onto the pocket. The Sharklaser L-250 Death Ray (well mild burns and stun ray) holstered at his side in case of sudden but inevitable betrayals. He sits through the cowboy shtick without laughing, which would be very hard if not for the rumors of what happens to people who don't take the Badhorse routine seriously. He takes his goggles out of his pocket, puts them up on his head, and smooths over his hear.

This is it. I've got in, and I'm about to meet Badhorse in person. When I step through this doorway it will mark the end of Joshua the independent villain, going solo or occasionally partnering with someone oh a heist or two and the beginning of Joshua the federated ELOE villain. I've got the speech planned out, I've got the L-250 if it all goes wrong, and I've already been accepted. What could possibly go wrong?

Joshua strides through the doorway, and begins introducing himself.
"Hello, I am Joshua Sharklaser, master of sharks and lasers alike, and... you're... not an evil horse?

[GOALentertain]

"You may sit where you like," the woman says to The Banister. Turning to Joshua Sharklaser, she says "Your powers of observation are stupendous. It must be how you made it into the League." She addresses the group:

"I am, obviously, not Bad Horse. Given recent events and betrayals, the Thoroughbred of Sin is slow to let others know his actual location. So, instead, he has sent me to deliver to you one last test of loyalty."

She passes folders to each of you across the table. Each folder is marked with a black hoofprint.

"A scientific lab in Utah has managed to get their hands on some unobtanium. Bad Horse wants you to acquire it and bring it back here. Each of your unique talents will be necessary for this mission, and as you look through your files, you will find that it holds opportunities that suit each of your interests. Are there any questions?"

[Printer's Devil]

Eagerly, The Banister pages through the file. Scalalogy, scalalogy… hmmm. Not seeing it…

[LordArgon]

The door to the room bursts open as a man is a slightly singed chef outfit bursts through the door. In his arms are a stack of boxes labeled FRESH DOUGHNUTS MADE JUST FOR YOU. He quickly places the boxes on the table and drops into one of the many chairs around the table."Sorry for my tardiness, but I smelled the most delicious doughnuts and I just had to pilfer these pastries. Help yourselves." He opens the boxes and pushes them to the center of the table. He opens his folder and begins reading through the contents. "Now rare elements are usually not my thing, but if it gets the Supreme Stallion of Sin to acknowledge my magnificence, I'm in."

[lukitux]

"That makes sense, you can never be too cautious."
Then he addresses the man in the chef suit "And thanks for the doughnuts"
Joshua takes a doughnut, wonders weather it is poisoned, and decides that that probably wouldn't fit the M.O. that he heard from the chef guy. He picks up a few sheets of paper from the folder and thumbs through them while nibbling on a doughnut.
Because of course we're new recruits and can't meet the leader in person yet. I can't get ahead of myself. Yeah, getting by without nepotism is hard and... wait is that a Tri-lens vitrificator? I've been looking for one of those on amazon for weeks!
"Just one question: If I happen to find a few other things in that lab that catch my eye, would you all be fine if they happened to disappear from the lab during the course of the heist?"

[GOALentertain]

The woman looks to Sharklaser and smiles. "It would seem somewhat hypocritical of the Evil League of Evil to tell you not to steal things. Which is why I bring your attention to some of the other projects that the lab is working on. Of course they have lasers. They have also been utilizing the probability affecting properties of unobtanium to create varying types of Escher stairs. Our sources tell us that they've made the most progress in creating stairs where the steps count different going up than they do going down.

"The primary food vendor for the lab is the Vanilla Vanguard, and it is our understanding that they are using their connections to the lab to create new pasteries utilizing some of the unobtanium powered equiptment."

[Printer's Devil]

Hyper-dimensional stairs! The Banister smiles around a bite of donut, focused on the file, pondering the possibilities. Imagine escaping a pursuing hero because he has to run down ten times more stairs than you do! Or even better, trapping a hero on a stairway that never ends… Folded torus stairs that lead to pocket dimensions! The possibilities are endless!

The Banister sees his future before him… becoming an arch-villain, leaving the League behind, and daring unsuspecting heroes to enter his Lair of Stairs!

Quickly, The Banister looks around. OK, good, he didn't say that out loud…

To cover, he says "So… how secure is the facility?"

[DoctorGlock]

'It is hardly an act of theft, which acknowledges an objective moral framework or even property rights,' THE PROFESSOR! chimes in between faint snores, revealing the remarkable ability to rattle off nonsense in his sleep. 'It is simply an act of class liberation by which we, otherized by society as 'villains' even the scales of power distribution.'

As he comes to and opens his eyes behind his wire framed glasses he focuses on Bad Horse's secretary. 'How critical are security would you say? And are we likely to complete the heist in under 6 hours? Teachers union regulations cap my work day.'

[lukitux]

"Personally do I believe in property rights, but they don't really apply to certain other people. For example, the lab does have property rights, but I am temporarily suspending them in order to take their cool lasers. But after I steal them, they are mine, so no one else takes them. Except for the Unobtanium, that goes to Badhorse as part of the job. But evening the scales sounds good. Especially if they are evened towards us."

[Nightraiderx]

"and clearly lets be honest, The large gorilla next to the professor scribbling down notes finally pipes up.
"In order for them to have obtained this material many poor people were marginalized, so it is our duty to take back from the bourgeois scum, any present company excluded from that of course. He adjusts his hat.

[GOALentertain]

"Security?" she asks. "Only the type of security that one would expect for villains of your stature. Most of it is the standard run of the mill guards, automated lasers, and exploding pies. But, of course, there are other more dangerous things. Experiments of the lab, local heroes, you know the type."

[Printer's Devil]

The Banister leafs through the folder to look at the blueprints of the facility. "We need a plan..." he says, eyes lighting up.

[lukitux]

My reverse-laser laser might be able to absorb the laser energy of their security laser and the stored laser energy might come in useful to charge the battle lasers in case any non-laser-immune heroes show up to stop us. And the sharks can probably... I'll think of how to use them later."
Joshua puts a blueprint from one of the folders on the table and gestures to some entrances
"This air-conditioning vent is only defended by a few lasers, one of us might use it to get in after I disable the lasers. I don't think I can fit through it though. Do any of you have any way to get past these guards at the front entrance though? I can use throwing-sharks but that might raise some alarms"

[GOALentertain]

Some of the notable features that you notice on the blueprints are not just what's inside the facility, but the outside as well.

The facility is built alongside a mountain. The primary way of reaching it is by a lab-controlled ski lift. However, there is also an incredibly long stair case going up. Both will be guarded, but the ski lift will be more controlled.

Outside the building is a stand run by Vanella Vanguard, not to mention the VVanguard cafeteria inside the building itself.

[Printer's Devil]

The Banister grabs some Post-it Notes off the conference table and start scribbling madly, sticking notes all over the map.

"So the approach is here... quarter-space landings here and here... hmm, tricky kite winder here, followed by switchbacks here and here..." This incomprehensible stair-talk goes on without pause for about five minutes.

Suddenly, The Banister slams shut the folder and stands up. "I have a plan," he announces. "First... ah, just one second..." He re-opens his folder and searches through the papers until he finds his map again.

"OK. Now, as I see it, we divide into two teams. Step 1: One team causes a diversion at the front entrance, with lots of loud, scary stuff: sharks, lasers, pie catapults, that sort of thing. Step 2: Meanwhile, the other team, led by me, ascends the stairs, gets access to the security controls, and shuts them all off. Step 3: With the tech shut down, the first team should be able to overwhelm the guards. Step 4: We grab the unobtanium - and whatever else we find that looks fun. Step 5: We jet outta there."

The Banister looks pleased with himself. "So, whaddya think?"

[DoctorGlock]

'There isn't a guard out there I can't bedazzle, and if any have a strong background in logic I'll have Gorilla Warfare with me on the stairs approach. I'll need help with the automated systems though, machines tend to be immune to semantics.' Prof says.

[GOALentertain]

"It sounds like you know what you're doing," the woman said. "Let me know when you're ready to go. We have transportation ready for you."

[Nightraiderx]

Gorilla Warfare smirks. "I believe with the right kinds of words in placement we can rile up the guards to rebel. Because one
thing we can assume is that corporations never treat their guards well. A distraction would serve well for infiltration purposes."

[LordArgon]

"Worry not about the distraction. I shall lead the attack on the ski lift while The Banister climbs the stairs and secures the lift controls. Then, with Sharklaser, we shall draw the guards into the cafeteria, where I am at my strongest. The Professor, Gorilla Warfare, and the Banister can make off with the Unobtanium. My explosive edibles are all freshly prepared and ready to go when you are, my fellow villains.

[lukitux]

So I like the distraction-and-infiltration approach, classic heist tactics. But are we creating the distraction in the building by going through the stairs, or at the ski lift to draw them out?"
Joshua fiddles with his hair while thinking. He looks at the team, and at the blueprints and things for a second.
"Either way, I think that my sharks-and-lasers-and-explosions approach to creating distractions might not gel with the plan that The Professor and Gorilla Warfare are proposing, which involves inspiring the guards to riot." Joshua coughs "I mean overthrow their corporate overlords or whatever. So I might be able to help in a different way. Either creating a more flashy distraction with the Pastry Pirate at the ski lift, drawing out any non-rioting guards and local heroes, or helping the tech team get to the security room by eliminating any non-distracted guards and disabling laser-based security systems. Do either of those sound good to you?"

[Nightraiderx]

"You really think you can take on a gaggle of guards, AND a bunch of heroes that may show up in addition to them? I find that quite arrogant of you.
I don't see why the plans cannot be put together but you will have to wait until the Professor and I work a bit of magic on them. The less people willing to help their boss when the time comes the better our chances. The heroes will have to deal with both US and the rioting guardsmen." Gorilla Warfare crosses his arms unimpressed with the mad chef's plan.

[GOALentertain]

"So, to confirm my understanding of the plan or plans, as they may be now: Gorilla Warfare and The Professor are going to go up the ski lift to talk to the guards and inspire mutiny. Sharklaser, Banister, and the chef will be taking the stairs for a more direct approach to the lab while whatever happens with the guards plays out. The chef may or may not set up in the cafeteria if such a measure proves useful. Sharklaser will be focused on preventing laser-based security measures from causing problems. Is that right? If so, then it seems like you could be on your way."

[DoctorGlock]

'Inspire. Mind control. Definitions are a social construct,' Prof yawns. 'But Gorilla and I will take the stairs-- should something go wrong on the lift semantics down't work on machines.'

[lukitux]

"So here's the thing. I don't need to take out all the guards and any heroes that show up. The first major point of distraction planning is not to engage, it is to draw out the conflict. I can probably take the guards, and the heroes don't need to be defeated, I just need to lead them on a wild goose chase across the mountains, keeping them away from the facility for long enough for you to steal the unobtanium. I can't beat them but since I am a distraction I don't need to. I just need to keep them occupied for a while."

Sharklaser looks up smugly, but then realizes something

"But actually, being inside of the lab disabling laser-security does suit my specific skills more, and there is less of a chance of getting beaten up by random heroes. So I think that plan works for me. And also being in the lab means that I get any cool lootables. So I'm not sure what the situation is vis a vis ski lift or stairs but I know I would prefer to be in the lab not part of the distraction. Are the stairs closer to the unobtanium or is the place where the ski lift lands closer to the unobtanium? Because the infiltration team should take whichever entrance is closer and the distraction team should take the further entrance so the guards are drawn away from the infiltration team.

[Printer's Devil]

Banister nods. "Sharklaser, maybe if you went with the stairs team, instead of shutting down the security lasers, you could take control of them?"

[Printer's Devil]

[OOC] Sooo... we still doing this?

[lukitux]

That sounds good. Those lasers should be controllable if I get to a control terminal or whatever they're hooked up to. So I'll go with the stairs team. If that's all the team stuff figured out, then I think we're ready to go, right?

[ooc] Still here

[Nightraiderx]

The Gorilla thinks to himself for a moment. "If we are going to be starting a mutiny, it would be best to lead the mob elsewhere, Praline you want to follow us up the stairs with sharklazors and we'll redirect the mob towards a cafeteria, that way gives lazors and the professor time to actually set up without the fervor wearing off. Sound like a good compromise?"