Married Couple Playing Married PCs?

[DrowPiratRobrts]

Would you/have you allowed a married couple to play married PCs in-game? I'm about to run a campaign with two married couples, and while they haven't expressed a desire to be married in the game, I do want to have a plan in place if they decide to ask about it. This also might prove helpful for some other DMs out there, so I wanted to post it.

So, have you allowed this in games? If so how did it go? If not, why not?

I don't think I'd be as hesitant to allow to random players to pretend to be married, but I see the potential for it to go bad with a real married couple. Here are some of my first thoughts:

1. The biggest thing is that they could consciously or subconsciously bring in some real arguments or baggage or something like that.
2. Conversely, it could cause real issues between them away from the table based on how they interact in the game, and I don't want that either.
3. It could isolate them from the rest of the party because they actually love each other and have inside jokes and such outside the game.
4. In general it just seems like a not great idea.

Am I wrong? We're all good friends, so I don't think it would be terribly hard to work through something if it did come up. All things being equal I don't think it's worth the risk. So what experience/opinions do you have with this?

[2D8HP]

From a different thread:


I've posted this before, but it's still the best example of PC romance that didn't disrupt the game.

In a 2E game, my character was Ornrandir, a male elven mage/thief, given the title of the Earl of Devon by the king. He was an outcast orphan who had only recently formed any attachments to anybody. I had played him as emotionally undeveloped but brilliant. My wife was playing Rowena, a female human wizard, a lady-in-waiting to the queen. She had been in an ivory tower (literally) studying magic since she was a child. She played her as an extreme nerd. The royalty had started leaning on us to make political marriages, which is to say that the DM wanted to do some political intrigue. We decided to trump the whole romantic process and sent the following email to the entire gaming group.

A situation has occurred. It will affect the party to some extent, so I guess you should all hear about it. The two of us decided to explain it to you in character, so here it is.

(You may ignore which account this email came from; it was written by the two of us together.)
-----------------------

Rowena has been traveling to Devon Manor regularly to do magical research stuff and help set up the schools there, make scrolls, etc. The next time she visits after a Certain Conversation with the Queen, once she and Ornrandir are alone in the study where they work together on magic, she initiates the following conversation:

Rowena: The Queen tells me I really ought to give some thought to perpetuating magical bloodlines and recommends I consider marrying you.

Ornrandir: I’ve heard similar rumblings. Countess Elanor told me I have to find someone to marry, too. Something about an heir for the county.

Rowena: It is a rational idea. It is just that I have never really considered it before. I have been rather busy learning magic; all that physical stuff seemed so…worldly.

Ornrandir: I certainly know little about it. I’ve never had any family, and I've been an outcast all my life, except for those occasions when the only female I’ve traveled with was Lorelei, the paladin.

Rowena: The gaggle of giggling girls I must spend time with these days seems so focused on the idea.

Ornrandir: I know. Everyone but you is so stupid.

Rowena: I am already spending a lot of time here anyway.

Ornrandir: My servants wouldn’t have to prepare separate rooms for you each time. That would be convenient. And we seem able to get along.

Rowena: After all, we worked well together blasting hundreds of goblins with lightning bolts.

Ornrandir: I enjoyed casting coordinated lightning bolts with you. I’ve never felt so connected to another person before.

Rowena: After that, how difficult could this marriage thing be?

Ornrandir: Love is one of the strongest and most mysterious forces of the universe. Of course, controlling arcane cosmic forces is what wizards do. Maybe we should research a spell for it?

Rowena: As a mage, I will not age as quickly as normals; being elven, you of course will not age at all, so I really do not see why we need to be in a big hurry. And why should I care about being considered – how did she put it? Oh, yes – an "old maid".

Ornrandir: That seems like a meaningless phrase. Everybody becomes old, and an unmarried woman is of course a maid.

Rowena: On the other hand, your life expectancy, given your penchant for getting into trouble, isn’t exactly eternal. [looks him up and down appraisingly] At least if I marry you, you won’t keep getting ripped off by the tailors. You paid far too much for that rag you’re wearing.

Ornrandir: Fine by me. I’d be happy not to have to think about clothes any more.

Rowena: You thought about … that?

Ornrandir: Of course. It has a fleece collar, so I always have the material component for Phantasmal Force, feathers as decorations so I can fly, and several pockets worked into it here for other components. It has two internal pockets for scrolls, this hidden pocket for a dagger, and Lorelei will never figure out where the thieves’ tools are. It's green, for easy concealment in the trees. See? I carefully considered every relevant sartorial issue.

Rowena: I see. Yes, I believe I should take over those decisions. [Pause.] I would prefer to avoid that spectacle that Aduphus went through to marry Lady Stanley. The collective intelligence of her Majesty’s ladies dropped like a stone the instant someone said, “wedding”, and all they could talk about for weeks was fripperies and lace. Why do you think I spent so much time here writing out scrolls?

Ornrandir: Believe me, I understand. Since I developed the gold and mithril mines, all the nobles have been throwing their daughters at me. A year earlier they were offended that I was allowed to carry a weapon, and now they want me to sheathe one in their daughters.

Rowena: So how quickly can we get this over with?

Ornrandir: Well, when they assigned us to go fetch the Prince, we started out on the task immediately. Is the priest available today?

Rowena: I suppose we need to tell the Queen first. She might have an opinion about how it is done. So we are fully agreed about the marriage?

Ornrandir: It does seem like the logical thing to do [says the pointy-eared member of the couple].

Rowena: I’m glad we were able to work this out rationally, without the usual tawdry, emotional mess.

Ornrandir: Of course. We may be the two most intelligent people on the planet. We won’t let maudlin sentimentality distract us from rational analysis.

Rowena: Well, I am glad that that is settled. Now back to important matters - about that scroll we were discussing…

[Demonslayer666]

Would you/have you allowed a married couple to play married PCs in-game? I'm about to run a campaign with two married couples, and while they haven't expressed a desire to be married in the game, I do want to have a plan in place if they decide to ask about it. This also might prove helpful for some other DMs out there, so I wanted to post it.

So, have you allowed this in games? If so how did it go? If not, why not?

I don't think I'd be as hesitant to allow to random players to pretend to be married, but I see the potential for it to go bad with a real married couple. Here are some of my first thoughts:

1. The biggest thing is that they could consciously or subconsciously bring in some real arguments or baggage or something like that.
2. Conversely, it could cause real issues between them away from the table based on how they interact in the game, and I don't want that either.
3. It could isolate them from the rest of the party because they actually love each other and have inside jokes and such outside the game.
4. In general it just seems like a not great idea.

Am I wrong? We're all good friends, so I don't think it would be terribly hard to work through something if it did come up. All things being equal I don't think it's worth the risk. So what experience/opinions do you have with this?

Yes, I'd allow it. I have not had it in my games, but I have been in games where it was allowed. It caused zero issues.

1. You direct the game. If it gets off topic, get it back on topic.
2. This is very unlikely, but in the event it starts causing friction, see #1, and remind them the point is to have fun.
3. This seems extremely unlikely and could be argued that best friends shouldn't play D&D together, which is silly.
4. I disagree completely and have not seen any compelling arguments for reason not to play D&D with your spouse.

If they want to be married, and you tell them they can't start the game knowing each other, they will marry in game anyway.

If it's not terribly hard to work through it, as you put it, there is no risk.

[KorvinStarmast]

Would you/have you allowed a married couple to play married PCs in-game? Yeah. To disallow it as a policy makes the DM a (censored) IMO and IME. These are your players. If they are married IRL, that's a hell of a lot more important than the game or you. If they want to be married in game, let it be.

So, have you allowed this in games? If so how did it go? If not, why not? I never even considered disallowing it in the five cases where two players were married. All went fine.

I don't think I'd be as hesitant to allow to random players to pretend to be married, but I see the potential for it to go bad with a real married couple.
Are you married? The above sentence has me puzzled.

Am I wrong? In my experience, yes, but I suppose it is possible that stuff like that could crop up. I'd advise you the following: Let the players decide if they want to do that or not. Then roll with it/make the best of it. Don't assume that they'll make a hash out of it. Presume they are coming to your game to have fun.

[JoeJ]

I'd allow any two players to play a married couple. You say you're friends with these people; do they argue about or otherwise bring up private issues at parties? If, like most couples, they know where to draw the line between private and public behavior, they're not going to forget that during game time.

[Unoriginal]

There is only one question to ask:

Can you trust those two players to not hurt the game for others?

If you can't, then don't play with them. RPGs are based on trust, so if you can't trust a married couple to play a married couple and RP it in-character without making it annoying and disturbing for the rest of the table, you can't trust them to play any other character concepts.

It wouldn't be their fault if you decide you can't trust them, just to be clear. It'd be you having a problem with playing with them, but again, no one can dictate with whom you're comfortable playing with.

[Lord Vukodlak]

1. The biggest thing is that they could consciously or subconsciously bring in some real arguments or baggage or something like that.
2. Conversely, it could cause real issues between them away from the table based on how they interact in the game, and I don't want that either.
3. It could isolate them from the rest of the party because they actually love each other and have inside jokes and such outside the game.


How are those problems caused by the characters being married? and not the people themselves being married.

[GlenSmash!]

Sure I'd let them.

I've had more trouble with a Married couple playing non married PCs than married PCs.

[Reversefigure4]

I'd not only allow, but encourage. "We're married" is a wonderful plot hook for 'Why the PCs are working together'.

Any frictional relationship problems that develop from out of game sources are just as likely to develop whether the characters are friends, enemies, married, lovers, cousins, or sometimes-associates.

[ImproperJustice]

Yeah. I mean my entire playgroup is married couples. I have a hard time seeing a problem with it that could not be caused by people regardless of their married status.

[DrowPiratRobrts]

How are those problems caused by the characters being married? and not the people themselves being married.

I'm not saying it would even happen (and I wouldn't expect it to with this group). I was just wondering if this is more often a good thing or a bad thing in others' experiences. As much as we play characters in D&D, we never completely remove ourselves. And I could see the potential for "Bob" and "Sue" or whoever to take things personally that actually happened in their relationship between their characters if that makes sense. I could see the lines between those things sometimes being blurred more easily when roleplaying a married couple with your spouse (your characters relate to each other in a unique way that looks very similar to how you relate to each other out of the game). We do crazy things when we're afraid or insecure, and at least in my life and the lives of people around me, that's typically increased in our more intimate relationships.

It seems based on the vast experiences of all these responses that there shouldn't be much to worry about though, so that's great news! So with these responses I'm encouraged and will more than happily allow it if either couple brings it up.

[ZenBear]

I did this once with my gf at the time. I introduced our characters in-game, “My name is Dougal Drumbelly and this is my wife Amber.” I kiss my gf on the cheek, then finished, “She is my cousin.” The DM did a spit take, my gf hit me on the arm, everybody laughed about it for weeks. Never had any issues, and the game was long over by the time we broke up.

Something I thought would be cool but the DM didn’t allow it was that the wedding bands would act as a permanent Warding Bond between us, taking up an attunement slot.

[Nifft]

Are they acting inappropriate in a way that makes other players uncomfortable? Like, are they trying to erotic role-play in a PG-13 campaign?

If not, then there's no problem as far as I'm concerned.


They can be married in-game or whatever. If any in-game bickering carries over to their real life, that's their own problem. They're adults, they can deal with their own relationship.

[Sigreid]

It really doesn't matter. IME a happily married couple is going to act like a happily married couple whether their characters are hitched or not.

[Sudsboy]

Would you/have you allowed a married couple to play married PCs in-game?

I think it would be more harmful for you to refuse to allow it than for it to happen, personally. I suspect you're worried about nothing. As a married person myself, I can assure you most of us aren't going to waste our escapist fantasy time painstakingly recreating our mundane problems.

[GlenSmash!]

As a married person myself, I can assure you most of us aren't going to waste our escapist fantasy time painstakingly recreating our mundane problems.

Even if us married folks were inclined to do that, it would happen regardless of whether or not the PCs were also married.

[PeteNutButter]

I'd not only allow, but encourage. "We're married" is a wonderful plot hook for 'Why the PCs are working together'.

This is a great tactic for relatively new role-players. Model their in game relationship after their real life ones, because in my experience first time RPers don't RP. They just play themselves. It keeps it simple and lets them learn the mechanics and how to RP from the other players.

[GlenSmash!]

This is a great tactic for relatively new role-players. Model their in game relationship after their real life ones, because in my experience first time RPers don't RP. They just play themselves. It keeps it simple and lets them learn the mechanics and how to RP from the other players.

I've been playing 5e for 4 years now, and some rifts 20 years ago, and I still just play myself mostly.

If a character is significantly different from myself I will get bored playing them. It's just a matter of time.

[Mr_Fixler]

From my experience (being married myself) I would say go for it. In all honesty some relationship stuff did leak over at times, but it was very far from the norm and likely not much different than any friend drama that could potentially come up at a table.

Also if the couples are all players I think that it's easier for the group than if one was the DM.

[EvilAnagram]

Honestly, it seems adorable.


From a different thread:

See? Adorable!

The thing about happily married couples who enjoy each other's hobbies is that they already have good chemistry that can carry over to the game. This includes teasing and small displays of affection, which increase fun. They're not going to be any more difficult than they are normally. Plus, if you kill one of them, everyone cries!

The thing about unhappily married couples who play at the same table is that they're already going to ruin the game for you.

[Kane0]

An alternative is for close players to play close characters by way of family relations rather than marriage. Siblings, twins, parent-child, that sort of thing. It's all good.

[Asmotherion]

Well, can be cool, unless you make it weird. A Drunk Dwarf hitting on the girls or a succubus trying to seduce one of the guys is ok, since they are obviously designed as encounters.

Having an Archmage or Princess successfully seduce one of them could make things escalate quickly on the other hand, so avoid this concepts.

It can be lots of fun, or very weird, depending on who you play with.

[Raynor007]

Would you/have you allowed a married couple to play married PCs in-game?

I have seen it done, would allow it, and am a participant in a game myself with my wife. It can be quite fun for them, working together in-game in ways that they can't in real life (very similar to any other player, really). Of course, as in any game, if real-life drama starts seeping into the game, and causing problems for the other players, than it's time to take a step back, but again, it's not really any different from any other player. If there is a real-life disagreement about having children, for example, and the married players are using the game as an argument forum, that's obviously inappropriate, but I think that if they are using the game that way, then they would be doing it whether they were married or not. There are horror stories of single players/GMs, married players/GMs, and GMs married to one of the players: point is, it all comes down to player management, married or not.

[jacob902uhhs]

Me and my wife are currently playing a game together. But she is actually married to someone else in the party for the campaign. Things happen lol.

[manyslayer]

I don't really see any problems arising that wouldn't arise otherwise (bringing real life problems in, etc.).

My wife and I (26 years playing together, 23 married) have never played characters married to each other but have played characters married to other characters (both PC and NPC). We have played characters that tried to kill each other, though (including her poisoning me the one time she LARPed with me). Take that how you will. :smallamused:

[Reversefigure4]

And I could see the potential for "Bob" and "Sue" or whoever to take things personally that actually happened in their relationship between their characters if that makes sense.[/B]

Consider, for example, one half of the couple is DMing and the other half is playing. From a certain point of view, one is trying to kill the other - but you'd scarcely want to forbid married couples from playing together with one as the DM.

I can kind of see where you're coming from. Taking a real-world married couple and running a storyline where they cheat on each other is hitting close to home. On the other hand, unless you're removing player agency, the players are choosing to take those actions. Walking around those concepts might be a better idea, but that's a pretty small percentage of games.

[EvilAnagram]

Consider, for example, one half of the couple is DMing and the other half is playing. From a certain point of view, one is trying to kill the other - but you'd scarcely want to forbid married couples from playing together with one as the DM.

I can kind of see where you're coming from. Taking a real-world married couple and running a storyline where they cheat on each other is hitting close to home. On the other hand, unless you're removing player agency, the players are choosing to take those actions. Walking around those concepts might be a better idea, but that's a pretty small percentage of games.

My wife was scared, but understanding when I almost killed a first-level wizard she had been talking about for months.

[Kane0]

One group I'm in features a husband DM and wife player. She is the party 'leader' and meatshield (without a shield), so she drops quite often and has needed a Raise Dead at least twice.

[ZenBear]

Consider, for example, one half of the couple is DMing and the other half is playing. From a certain point of view, one is trying to kill the other - but you'd scarcely want to forbid married couples from playing together with one as the DM.

I can kind of see where you're coming from. Taking a real-world married couple and running a storyline where they cheat on each other is hitting close to home. On the other hand, unless you're removing player agency, the players are choosing to take those actions. Walking around those concepts might be a better idea, but that's a pretty small percentage of games.

I'm sure everyone here is familiar with Critical Role. (https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL7atuZxmT955Cw-fFS-_3IQvaCpQgDzWA) Dungeon Master Matthew Mercer is husband to player Marisha Ray. No problems have been forthcoming.

[willdaBEAST]

Sure I'd let them.

I've had more trouble with a Married couple playing non married PCs than married PCs.
I agree and see the potential for far more issues the other way around. Say you have married players, yet one of their characters is a serial philanderer (is there a non-gendered term for that?). To me that is much more likely to cause a real life argument than a married couple having a spat over their married characters.