Looking for strangers to review my homebrew campaign

[Mordna]

As the title says, I'm looking for strangers to read the script for the first episode of the homebrew campaign I made. I just finished posting it on my trial website, and I would really really appreciate some feedback from folks who are more experienced at this stuff then me.

I have put a huge amount of time, effort and love in making this and it's the first time I'm showing it to people, other then my players. But of course, they only know it from the player side and never really had a peak behind the curtain. The physical map is probably the central element - which I recognise makes it harder to reproduce, but hopefully it's interesting for someone out there...

As mentioned, the webstie is still in trial mode, so there are a lot of placeholders and stuff. Just ignore that. Please read Episode 01: Lady Tymora's Gambit in The Adventure tab. I really really appreciate reviews, opinions and constructive criticism. Thank you for reading!

Here's the link: https://www.ladytymoraadventures.online/the-adventure/

[Tiadoppler]

Review in progress: These are just some of my initial impressions.

First: Bravo! It looks great, and I love your props/physical board setup. Lots of multi-media involvement!

I love the 21st century crossover aspect, as well as the idea of the PCs being used as pawns in a minor argument between Tymora and Cyric.

Specifically for a one-shot with new characters, I'd be very tempted to randomize both the backstories and the events of 10 years on 21st century Earth using notecards (or dice, or something). It helps the game start quickly without require too much time investment from the players.

You give some advice on session zero/introducing new players to D&D, and personally I would not use this particular one-shot for new players. It's very well constructed, but also complex and potentially time-consuming. Two points:

1) a one-shot that requires a session zero to setup characters is probably too complicated. If this is the entry point to a longer campaign, however, a session zero is quite appropriate (and the PCs should get correspondingly more intricate backstories).
2) an introductory game for new players should be fairly simple and straight-forward, both for the players (so they can understand it easily) and for the DM (so that they have the extra time/brainpower to answer questions and give advice).


I like it! It's interesting and unusual. Thanks for not setting the game in the modern world!

Did the PCs know each other on Faerun?
Did the PCs meet each other on Earth?
Did they all get banished to Earth on the same day?
Did they all start (on Earth) pretty close together, or spread out (miles? hundreds of miles?)?
Did they know that others were banished by Cyric, and did they have the opportunity to seek each other out during the 10 years?

Do the PCs' stats make them (potentially) some of the strongest (or smartest, or whatever) people on Earth?

Are the commoner's clothes (that the PCs start with on Earth) modern clothing or D&D?

2 gp is .04 lb of gold, or around $700 US dollar/540 Pound sterling if converted to 21st century currencies. I'd make a note of that, because I know some of my players would immediately ask.

When Cyric said "See you in 10 years", did he mean that he'd release the PCs then? If not, then why bother saying it? Was he trying to psychologically torture them? Did he plan to release them, then change his mind?

In addition to the Player Intro (which is helpful, btw), I'd write out a DM Intro, which lays out (with full spoilers) the general plotline for the entire game.


With so many rules regarding spell choice, and if this game is intended to be run within a single session, I'd suggest having generic premade characters available, just in case.

At 3rd level (2nd level spells for full casters), I don't think there'd be too much gamebreaking stuff even if you allowed necromancy, planeshifting and teleportation.

Honestly, UA scares me (as a DM) much more than fairly well playtested 2nd level spells.


I like Saado a lot, but I'd switch up at least one of his name/appearance/demeanor so that he doesn't end up being called Eeyore by inattentive adventurers.


Are there any mechanical effects from vomiting? Is it a condition, or does it just happen once? Is it just for flavor (oh yuck)?

What's the point of this room? Collecting fly corpses? For the benefit of other DMs who might want to run your game, I'd recommend writing the significance of each room in that room's description.


What if nobody looks at the images? Do they just go away after a minute?

Playing with images of a PC's history is a cool trick, and can be lots of fun in a longer campaign. In a one-shot, it might lose some of the effect if the PC has little backstory to draw on or the player simply doesn't care much about the character.

I feel like Room 9 could be replaced by a simple magical trap in one of the corridors, rather than a separate, optional room.


This ending is great for a one-shot, but if you intend to give plot hooks for sequels, do NOT start granting wishes to the PCs.


Disclaimer: I'm trying (and it's difficult) to be as critical as possibly (constructively, I hope), but I'm really impressed by the detail, worldbuilding and work you've put into this game. I may not run this mod, but I'll probably get a lot inspiration from it. Also, everything I've said is just my opinion, based on my experiences running (primarily) long, comedic campaigns with young and inexperienced D&D players.


General advice that I just thought of: there might be too many little tokens. 10 flies, 3? rings, 12 daynight tokens, 8 frog cycles (emblems? tiles?). It's neat, but also a lot to keep track of (especially in addition to a detailed physical map.


What's the scale of the map? Each square is 10'x10', right? (You state that the corridors are 10' wide, but they are represented by lines of single square.)


Continued edits:
Skeleton inconsistency: It seems like many of the skeletons have different things that activate them. This might cause confusion for the players. Some activate within 10', some activate within 5', some have to be touched (and they can be hopped over). I'd try to make the skeletons a bit more predictable, so that the players can notice the pattern and plan out exactly what they're going to do, rather than being surprised each time.

Some of my earlier notes were given based on the assumption that this was played as a one-shot, which I personally define as a game that lasts only a single play session (whether that's 2 hours, or 8. One continuous session). If this is meant as a 3-4 session short campaign, or the first episode of a longer campaign, feel free to disregard it.

[Mordna]

Thank you so much, Tiadoppler!

This is exactly WHY I knew I needed reviews from someone who has not been personally involved! It is very illuminating! A thousand thanks. :smallbiggrin:

I will attempt to answer the questions here as well as implement the changes on the website (as soon as I can get to them). This made me get out of bed at 2:20 AM and answer them. :)


Specifically for a one-shot with new characters, I'd be very tempted to randomize both the backstories and the events of 10 years on 21st century Earth using notecards (or dice, or something). It helps the game start quickly without require too much time investment from the players.

You give some advice on session zero/introducing new players to D&D, and personally I would not use this particular one-shot for new players. It's very well constructed, but also complex and potentially time-consuming. Two points:

1) a one-shot that requires a session zero to setup characters is probably too complicated. If this is the entry point to a longer campaign, however, a session zero is quite appropriate (and the PCs should get correspondingly more intricate backstories).
2) an introductory game for new players should be fairly simple and straight-forward, both for the players (so they can understand it easily) and for the DM (so that they have the extra time/brainpower to answer questions and give advice).

I agree, I wouldn't use it for newbies either. I just felt it was my duty to warn in case someone did, and I don't want to say you shouldn't.

1) I recognize it's complicated. That can not be changed at this point. :smallredface: And although I did genuinely intend it as a one-shot, it was NOT. I should definitely mention this at the top somewhere. My players are fairly experienced but it took us about 6 sessions to finish it. It was a very new medium for them as well. They may have played with traps and puzzles before, but not with something as intertwined as mine before. It was my first time DMing however, so I made lots of mistakes and most of all imagined that this could be done in one go. Oh boy, how wrong I was. I realized this right after the first session and adjusted accordingly. My friends still make fun of me referring to my 'one-shot-campaign'!

2) I totally agree.


I like it! It's interesting and unusual. Thanks for not setting the game in the modern world!

Did the PCs know each other on Faerun?
Did the PCs meet each other on Earth?
Did they all get banished to Earth on the same day?
Did they all start (on Earth) pretty close together, or spread out (miles? hundreds of miles?)?
Did they know that others were banished by Cyric, and did they have the opportunity to seek each other out during the 10 years?

In my game they did not know eachother. Yes, they got banished on the same day. Everyone came up with their own reason they pissed of Cyric, so it kind of ammounted to "too many idiots picked the wrong day to mess with me, I'm going to be especially salty today and punish them all the same way". As of where they popped into existance I just chose England, random location, separated.. Just beacuse we live here and it was easy. But I guess it could be anywhere. All my players came up with a little backstory of how they dealt with it.

The answer to some of these questions I think should be up to the players, not the DM. I have put enough rigidity already into what usually is an 'anything goes' kind of world, so I let them decide.



Do the PCs' stats make them (potentially) some of the strongest (or smartest, or whatever) people on Earth?

Umm, sure. Why not?


Are the commoner's clothes (that the PCs start with on Earth) modern clothing or D&D?

D&D commoner's clothes. It's just funnier.


2 gp is .04 lb of gold, or around $700 US dollar/540 Pound sterling if converted to 21st century currencies. I'd make a note of that, because I know some of my players would immediately ask.

Yes, I did consider this. Although gold pieces could not be spent normally, the value they hold could potentially keep them sheltered and fed for a few days if they figure out how to use them. I let this be something that each player could build into their 'how I coped with 21st century' thing.


When Cyric said "See you in 10 years", did he mean that he'd release the PCs then? If not, then why bother saying it? Was he trying to psychologically torture them? Did he plan to release them, then change his mind?

Cyric is "not a nice person" therefore I guess all or any above should apply. :) Although petty gods, like in Greek mythology, I'd like to think that they do have some knowledge of the future and maybe for Cyric it didn't feel like 10 years or him and Lady Tymora were already negotiating over settling their dispute, it just took them 10 (human) years to execute. It might seem lazy, but I also wanted this to be open to interpretation for each character. Did they put stock in what he said? Are they counting down the days? Are they hoping nothing will happen in 10 years? Who knows? Up to them.


In addition to the Player Intro (which is helpful, btw), I'd write out a DM Intro, which lays out (with full spoilers) the general plotline for the entire game.

That is a really good idea. I'm taking it into consideration and planning to write one. Thank you.



With so many rules regarding spell choice, and if this game is intended to be run within a single session, I'd suggest having generic premade characters available, just in case.

Maybe generic premade characters could be welcome for some. If I will find the time I will make some add this option on. But yeah, still not the best game for newbies.


At 3rd level (2nd level spells for full casters), I don't think there'd be too much gamebreaking stuff even if you allowed necromancy, planeshifting and teleportation.

Yes, I see this. And it became evident even at the time. I guess I was already subconsciously planning for continuations and I was afraid of the time they could get Dimension Door and make a skeleton army, etc. Now playing the later episodes where they are level 8 the bans have proved to be very useful. Teleportation or planeshifting would make my carefully crafted dungeons moot, so I'm sticking to that one.


Honestly, UA scares me (as a DM) much more than fairly well playtested 2nd level spells.

I reaaaaaally get that. Everyone should feel free to exclude UA. I included it because someone really wanted to be an Artificer, and other specific small things were requested. I personally started playing Hexblade waaaay before it was published in Xanathar's and I am so grateful my DM allowed it at the time. I will include that UA should be up to the DM and everything should be asked and approved from it.


I like Saado a lot, but I'd switch up at least one of his name/appearance/demeanor so that he doesn't end up being called Eeyore by inattentive adventurers.

That's actually funny, I haven't though of that. Thanks for the advice, but I think I'll leave Saado be. My players enjoyed him and he's my most lovable NPC to date, so it's nostalgia at this point.


Are there any mechanical effects from vomiting? Is it a condition, or does it just happen once? Is it just for flavor (oh yuck)?

There are no mechanical effects, It's just a (really bad) flavour (in your mouth)! :smallwink:


What's the point of this room? Collecting fly corpses?

Pretty much yes. For collecting flies. If they are missing any at the end they can come back here and collect as many as they want. Other then that, I felt putting something really eventful in EVERY single room is pushing it, as in traditional dungeons there are so many empty rooms. But of course because of the restraints of the physical map, something had to be there.


For the benefit of other DMs who might want to run your game, I'd recommend writing the significance of each room in that room's description.

I'm totally taking this on board!


What if nobody looks at the images? Do they just go away after a minute?

Yes, if they make their saving throws.


Playing with images of a PC's history is a cool trick, and can be lots of fun in a longer campaign. In a one-shot, it might lose some of the effect if the PC has little backstory to draw on or the player simply doesn't care much about the character.

I agree. That's why this is not a one-shot after all. I need to put this up there ASAP.


I feel like Room 9 could be replaced by a simple magical trap in one of the corridors, rather than a separate, optional room.

That is a good idea. However the map already exists, so I can't change it at this point.


This ending is great for a one-shot, but if you intend to give plot hooks for sequels, do NOT start granting wishes to the PCs.

That's a good point. I'll leave that in and qualify it as an option. Just in case it will be played as a stand-alone. (Cause it's not a one-shot unless you want to play for 3 days straight).


Disclaimer: I'm trying (and it's difficult) to be as critical as possibly (constructively, I hope), but I'm really impressed by the detail, worldbuilding and work you've put into this game. I may not run this mod, but I'll probably get a lot inspiration from it. Also, everything I've said is just my opinion, based on my experiences running (primarily) long, comedic campaigns with young and inexperienced D&D players.

I am so grateful for your constructive criticism! And thank you for the effort put into making this post. It means so much to me!


General advice that I just thought of: there might be too many little tokens. 10 flies, 3? rings, 12 daynight tokens, 8 frog cycles (emblems? tiles?). It's neat, but also a lot to keep track of (especially in addition to a detailed physical map.

Yes, I did go a bit coconuts with the collectables on this one. I promise I toned it down in the next Episodes. Thing is, I got so excited about having handouts (my players love them) that it ended up being a bit much. I can't change that now. But a DM running his/hers can certainly reduce or even eliminate them. You see I was a crafter waaaaay before I ever touched D&D and making props and stuff is a special delight for me. So yes, less collectibles in the future, but I won't stop making trinkets! :smallbiggrin:


What's the scale of the map? Each square is 10'x10', right? (You state that the corridors are 10' wide, but they are represented by lines of single square.)

The scale is 5 feet squares, as standard. Because the base of the map was printed on graph paper, the strongly outlined squares are 10x10 because they contain smaller 5x5 feet squares. I know it's hard to see on the photos, but it's evident in person. So the reason the corridors are 10 feet wide is that they are 2 square wide.


Continued edits:
Skeleton inconsistency: It seems like many of the skeletons have different things that activate them. This might cause confusion for the players. Some activate within 10', some activate within 5', some have to be touched (and they can be hopped over). I'd try to make the skeletons a bit more predictable, so that the players can notice the pattern and plan out exactly what they're going to do, rather than being surprised each time.

I liked the unpredictability of the skeletons. We enjoyed the paranoia of the the PCs when they spotted one after a while. "Will this one assemble itself and attack me? How close can I get to grab that thing?" One could introduce a rule of skeletons always behave this way. But as they were the mooks in this Episode, it worked out fine for us.


Some of my earlier notes were given based on the assumption that this was played as a one-shot, which I personally define as a game that lasts only a single play session (whether that's 2 hours, or 8. One continuous session). If this is meant as a 3-4 session short campaign, or the first episode of a longer campaign, feel free to disregard it.

Haha, yes. This is once again NOT a one-shot. It was intended to be one, by silly inexperienced little me when I first started DMing. Even if you have good 4 hour sessions it is impossible to get it done in less then 4 I think. There is just way too much content.

And as it is, it stands as a pilot episode for Lady Tymora Adventures - a fully fledged homebrew campaign indeed. 4 Episodes have been fully playtested (it took us over a year with irregular sessions). I'm currently working on the fifth being finished and there are 16 planned in total. Episode 1 was for level 3 characters, Episode 2 for level 5, Episode 3 for level 7 and from then on gain a level per episode, thus getting you to level 20 for the final episode.

I do already have an ending in mind and a general plot for the whole campaign and starting from Episode 2 there is a more cohesive structure, story and overarching plots between episodes. It is slow to actually finalize the parts and I will only be posting the episodes that have been playtested by my group. So technically this is a project that will probably take years to complete. The physical maps will always be a central element to it. Later on however, I will have different settings, other then dungeon crawls and have open-world dioramas, and inside-building battlescale maps. For example the setting of Episode 4 is in a village inside a pocket dimension with time dilation issues! :)

Again, thank you so much for reading and reviewing!
Wish you all the best!

[Tiadoppler]

This made me get out of bed at 2:20 AM and answer them. :)

Oops. Sorry


too many idiots picked the wrong day to mess with me

I've had days like that.


The answer to some of these questions I think should be up to the players, not the DM. I have put enough rigidity already into what usually is an 'anything goes' kind of world, so I let them decide.

I meant it more as a thought exercise. In the 21st century, it's relatively easy for two people who are familiar with the same specific keywords (like "Cyric" "banished" "Faerun") to find each other online. After 10 years, I'd expect that several of the PCs would have become somewhat familiar with modern technology.

If one of them posts a "fictional story" about Cyric and Faerun on reddit, and another one googles "How to get back to Faerun while avoiding Cyric", they'll likely come in contact with one another, and have the opportunity to collaborate and team up (see below).


Umm, sure. Why not?

Different DMs approach "average person's stats" differently. I was just curious. Can an 18INT wizard effortlessly code the next (amazon/facebook/google), or is he simply a very smart person?

If a couple of nearly-superhuman athletes and supergeniuses appear from nowhere in Renaissance Faire outfits and carrying similar coins made of pure gold, on the same day, it would appear in (at least) local news.

If they're able to meet each other on Earth, they may be able to start their team during their exile. 4 D&D adventurers with amazing intelligence and charisma might be able to change 21st century Earth significantly in 10 years.

Also, is English the same as Common?


D&D commoner's clothes. It's just funnier.

:D yep.


Are they hoping nothing will happen in 10 years? Who knows? Up to them.

Okay. I personally think that the DM should have some written-in guidance for the sake of consistency. If Cyric is just being evil, that's fine too.


That's actually funny, I haven't though of that. Thanks for the advice, but I think I'll leave Saado be. My players enjoyed him and he's my most lovable NPC to date, so it's nostalgia at this point.

Everyone loves Eeyore!


You see I was a crafter waaaaay before I ever touched D&D and making props and stuff is a special delight for me. So yes, less collectibles in the future, but I won't stop making trinkets! :smallbiggrin:

Very cool!

I hope this is helpful, and I look forward to reading through future adventures!

[Mordna]

I meant it more as a thought exercise. In the 21st century, it's relatively easy for two people who are familiar with the same specific keywords (like "Cyric" "banished" "Faerun") to find each other online. After 10 years, I'd expect that several of the PCs would have become somewhat familiar with modern technology.

If one of them posts a "fictional story" about Cyric and Faerun on reddit, and another one googles "How to get back to Faerun while avoiding Cyric", they'll likely come in contact with one another, and have the opportunity to collaborate and team up (see below).

Different DMs approach "average person's stats" differently. I was just curious. Can an 18INT wizard effortlessly code the next (amazon/facebook/google), or is he simply a very smart person?

If a couple of nearly-superhuman athletes and supergeniuses appear from nowhere in Renaissance Faire outfits and carrying similar coins made of pure gold, on the same day, it would appear in (at least) local news.

If they're able to meet each other on Earth, they may be able to start their team during their exile. 4 D&D adventurers with amazing intelligence and charisma might be able to change 21st century Earth significantly in 10 years.

Yes, all that is interesting and any of that could have happened. I would have loved it! But as they would be whisked back to Faerun anyway (at least for a while) it would make no difference if they met up and together conquered Earth. Or been studied as aliens. Or any other scenario. I wanted to give people a good strating point to build backstories as the most common complaint is 'I don't know where to start'.


Also, is English the same as Common?

Hehe, in the group I play with, yes. Considering I am a Hungarian from Romania, therefore English is not my mother tongue, this has come up before, so for us Common is English. In someone else's game it could be fun to have them not be able to communicate.


Okay. I personally think that the DM should have some written-in guidance for the sake of consistency. If Cyric is just being evil, that's fine too.

I will put in a line for this. However from the two dieties Cyric is more the unknown element and information comes from Lady Tymora's side. So why does Cyric do things was intentionally mysterious.
He turns out to be the big villain in this campaign. You only find this out at the end of Episode 2. The episode is called 'The Favour' because Lady Tymora asks the valiant adventurers to do her a favour and go find Cyric after he suddenly dissapeared. And most of the episode is spent trying to find him/rescue him. Only at the very end after defeating hoards of infernals do they realize that everything was orchestrated by Cyric himself.


I hope this is helpful, and I look forward to reading through future adventures!

Thanks again! I am in the middle of uploading Episode 2 and I have two more that are ready to go up on the website, it's just gonna take some time as it's not as simple as copy-paste the script. I will make sure to let you know when they're available. :smallbiggrin: