Ivor and Brazenburn's Storm King Fiasco

[the_brazenburn]

Black. Sounds of thunder from the background. Enter BRAZENBURN.

BRAZENBURN: I, Brazenburn, and thine own friend, Ivor, dost welcome thou. For today, as of few other days, beginneth the second season of the Tragic Saga of Ivor and Brazenburn. Enter IVOR, exit BRAZENBURN.

IVOR: Now listen well, all of ye, as I tell the tale o' the Storm King and his myriad vile snakes-in-the-grass that dare to call themselves... um, henchmen? There shall be much making of merriment and gales of laughter, and little PvP, if thy god is holy and good. Giant foot falls from sky and crushes Ivor with a rude noise.

Sorry about that, and thanks for listening to my idiotic Shakespeare/Monty Python rant. Now, onward with the story!


Dramatis Personae:

Krangjag: My character. A goblin sorcerer with the blood of giants running through his veins. CG, he is incapable of pronouncing words longer than two syllables, and so shortens other people's names to comedic effect.

Ilikan Thuliga: LN Goliath Conquest Paladin. He believes in crushing his enemies beneath an iron fist and plans to slay all the giants he meets as revenge for his clan being wiped out by Kayalithica's stone giants.

Toad-On-Rock: CG Tabaxi Drunken Master. Toad-On-Rock is the descendant of Jade Cloud, who once sailed with the mighty heroes Thokk and Lorax, and the mighty definitely-not-heroes Erdan and Lazam. Toad-On-Rock purrs when happy and can run around 40 miles per hour.

Ivor will hopefully post the first episode tomorrow. All comments are of course welcome and in fact encouraged, or PM me or Ivor with questions. Thanks!

[the_brazenburn]

Yay, the session went well today!

There was no PvP and we actually didn't kill a single creature. Well, except for the worg we skinned for its pelt, but otherwise no deaths!

[Ivor_The_Mad]

I would just like to say that the current average int of the party is 8.3.

The adventurers were traveling along the high road when they came across the town of Nightstone. When they reached it they found the drawbridge down and the town abandoned. Large boulders lay embedded in the ground. They passed into the town square only to find two worgs who turned and charged. Krangjag immediately made an animal handling check to tame them. He succeeded on one but failed the other which attacked Toad on Rock who flipped on its back and clawed it down to 7hp and drove its head into the ground knocking it unconscious. Seeing it as useless Krangjag skinned it. They turned to go into the inn but when they opened the door all they found was the smashed remains of a dining room with a large boulder in the middle and a hole in the ceiling open to the sky and cutting through an upstairs bedroom. A goblin lies dead in the middle of the floor a crossbow bolt protruding from his chest. Krangjag yells "WHO KILLED GOBLIN, THEY WILL PAY!!!" a moment later a goblin comes out of the other room looks around and jumps seeing the party and grabs a large sack lying on the ground and tries to run. Krangjag starts shouting "NO NO WE IZ FRIENDS, WE IZ FRIENDS OF GOBLINS" then rolls a persuasion check getting a 16. She stops and looks at him.
Gum-Gum "who iz you and why respek'bl Goblin like you self with yuck like dem?"
Krangjag "I is Krangjag and because they help me get shinies."
Krangjag "Wat is you name?"
Gum Gum "I iz Gum Gum"
Krangjag "Ok we iz go look for shinies now."

They head upstairs and look in the rooms finding a set of chainmail sized for a dwarf some gp and gems and a potion.
After that, they went and looted the rest of the village recruiting goblins as they went Krangjag amassed a total of 10 goblins. Ilikan found some gp and a riding horse. Toad found some money but also a Tressym named Rillix whos Owners were killed.

I turned it into an NPC because it had the highest int out of the party

I will post the rest tomorrow. The party meets some orcs and elves.

[Ivor_The_Mad]

Rillix (Tressym)
Tiny Beast Chaotic Neutral
AC 14
HP 12 (3d6+2) +1d6 per level
Speed 40ft, Climb 30ft, Fly 40ft

Str 8(-1) Dex 18(+4) Con 10(0) Int 14(+2) Wis 12(+1) Cha 12(+1)

Proficiency +2 (+1 at 5,9,13,17)
Skills: Perception +5 Stealth +6
Damage Immunities: Poison
Senses: Darkvision 60ft, Passive perception 15
Languages. Can understand Common but cannot speak
Challenge: 2
__________________________________________________ __________________________

See invisibility: Within 60ft of Rillix all magic invisibility fails to conceal anything from Rellix sight.

Keen Smell: Rellix has advantage on all wisdom (perception) checks that rely on smell

Poison sense: Rellix can tell if a substance is poisonous based on touch taste or smell.

ACTIONS
__________________________________________________ __________________________
Claws: Melee weapon attack +6 to hit. Reach +5ft one target. Hit 1d4+4 sl
Magic innate. Rellix can innately cast the following spells:
At Will: Mage hand, Minor illusion, Prestidigitation, and Dancing lights.
3/rest: Identify, detect magic, shield, magic missile
Int is the spell casting ability

[Ivor_The_Mad]

Session 1 pt2

While all the goblins were standing in the square they heard a war cry from the gate and Ilikan and Krangjag went to investigate. Meanwhile, Toad had gone to explore the keep. When Krangjag got there a party of 20 or so orcs were crossing the bridge. 15 were already across when Ilikan started to rais the drawbridge. The orcs charged and formed a ring around the goblins.
Orc Chief: "We are here to take this village surrender and we may spare your worthless lives"
Krangjag: "You iz no going to take village"
Orc Chief: Who is going to stop us. The only things here are you wimpy goblins"
Krangjag: "NO USE RACIAL SLUR"
Orc Chief: "What wimpy?"
Krangjag: "Yes. Now yo burn"
Krangjag is about to cast burning hands.
Orc: "STOP OR THE GOBLINS DIE."
Krangjag stops seeing they are outnumbered and decides to make some agreements with the Orc. They end up agreeing that the orcs can stay for a few days till they can leave and return to their tribe.

Meanwhile, Toad finds the last four guards hosting a burial for the lady of the town who had died in the attack and they were blaming each other for what had happened. She decided to sneak by and explore and found the royal bedroom. There was a chest at the far end so she went over and opened it. Suddenly a woosh came from behind her and Rillix gave an alarmed mew and flew up onto the cloth thingy that people put over their beds. Toad turns to see a sword flying toward her. It flew and stabbed straight through impaling he and withdrawing to make another attack but she dodged aside and swung with her mace but the blow was perried. This wnt on for like 5 min of Toad slashing with claws then Rillix slashing with claws then the sword slashing. Eventually, the sword broke and Toad looted the chest.

Back in the town, it was about 1/2 an hour since the orcs had arived and they heard another call from outside the walls. the drawbridge was now raised. They climbed the walls to see 8 elfs standing behind a bit of cover. They shouted up to Krangjag:

Elf #1: WE KNOW YOU ARE HARBORING ORCS. GIVE THEM UP.
Krangjag: "No"
Elf #1: THEY ARE ENEMIES OF THE ELVES OF ARDEEP FOREST
Krangag: You iz no getting Orcs. You iz racest. you will kill goblins.
Elf #1: NO WE JUST WANT THE ORCS GIVE THEM UP OR WE WILL TAKE THEM BY FORCE.
Krangjag: No. We has no reason to give them up to you.
Elf #1: THEY ATTACKED OUR VILLAGE AND BURNED IT TO THE GROUND AND NOT TO MENTION KILLED MANY INNOCENT ELFS IN THE PROCESS. THEY SHALL BE BROUGHT BACK WITH US TO FACE TRIAL, AND THEN DEATH OR IMPRISNMENT. WE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU GOBLINS.
Krangjag: You iz racest bastard we iz no give them up. we is throw stuffs at you.
Elf: "then you leave us no choice." He throws a rune up into the air and a bolt of blue light shoots straight up.
Elf: We have called reinforcements this is your last chance to negociate.
Krangjag: you iz stupid.
Elf: can I please talk to someone else?
Krangjag: Here talk to Gum-Gum.
Gum-Gum: Why iz you ears pointy.

End of session 1
Thanks for reading!!!

[guachi]

Black. Sounds of thunder from the background. Enter BRAZENBURN.

BRAZENBURN: I, Brazenburn, and thy own friend, Ivor, dost welcome thou. For today, as of few other days, begineths the second season of the Tragic Saga of Ivor and Brazenburn. Enter IVOR, exit BRAZENBURN.


Enjoyable thread but I'll add some English language pedantry.

It would be "thine own" not "thy own". Similar to how we use "an" before a word starting with a vowel we use "thine" before a word starting with a vowel.

It would be "thee" not "thou". "Thou" is in the nominative case and would be used as a subject. "Thee" would be used in the objective or, in this case, the accusative.

The first and second person pronouns have parallels that can make remembering what to use easier.

Objective & accusative - me/thee
possessive - my/thy
possessive before a vowel - mine/thine


Lastly, it would be "beginneth" instead of "begineths".

[the_brazenburn]

Enjoyable thread but I'll add some English language pedantry.

It would be "thine own" not "thy own". Similar to how we use "an" before a word starting with a vowel we use "thine" before a word starting with a vowel.

It would be "thee" not "thou". "Thou" is in the nominative case and would be used as a subject. "Thee" would be used in the objective or, in this case, the accusative.

The first and second person pronouns have parallels that can make remembering what to use easier.

Objective & accusative - me/thee
possessive - my/thy
possessive before a vowel - mine/thine


Lastly, it would be "beginneth" instead of "begineths".

Oh.

I've actually never studied Elizabethan English grammar. I wouldn't have known, but of course I will change that. Thanks for the heads up!

[Laserlight]

Enjoyable thread but I'll add some English language pedantry.

It would be "thine own" not "thy own". Similar to how we use "an" before a word starting with a vowel we use "thine" before a word starting with a vowel.

It would be "thee" not "thou". "Thou" is in the nominative case and would be used as a subject. "Thee" would be used in the objective or, in this case, the accusative.

The first and second person pronouns have parallels that can make remembering what to use easier.

Objective & accusative - me/thee
possessive - my/thy
possessive before a vowel - mine/thine


Lastly, it would be "beginneth" instead of "begineths".

Thank you for saving me from having to type this out myself. :-)

[the_brazenburn]

Session 2

This session was very funny, partly owing to the addition of a new player. His character is a dwarf (not like Gimli, a human with dwarfism) rogue named Filippe, with high Charisma and very little else. He must comment on absolutely everything.

At the very beginning of the session, we were still negotiating with the elves. I was clearly at a standstill, so Ilikan stepped up to help me.

Ilikan: How can we get you to leave us alone?
Elf: We don't care about you. If you all walk out of here and leave the orcs to us, we will let you pass.

The party debated this, and eventually agreed, because we couldn't see another way out. We left and started heading to the Dripping Caves so I could preach Goblin Rights activism to the leader of the nearby tribe. Along the road to get there, we ran across a very small man wearing a black cloak.

Toad-on-Rock: Toad-on-Rock wishes to know why the very small man waits in the rain.
Filippe: Filippe is great adventurer, yes? Perhaps you have heard of me.
Krangjag: Kragjag not know you. Does you support goblin rights?
Filippe: Filippe does not see why goblins should have rights. Are you a goblin, my friend? You seem very short.
Krangjag: NO USE RACIAL SLURS!

Yay! Filippe joined the party!

An hour or so later, we reached the Dripping Caves. Gum-gum led us to meet the chief, and this awkward roleplay ran between Hark, me, and Filippe.

Me: Krangjag iz friend of Gum-gum and Derp and other goblins from Nightstone! Iz goblin rights act'vist. Krangjag wanna ask you permission take Nightstone goblins an' form goblin rights army.
Hark: Me not good at maths... how many goblins you have?
Me: I haz ten.
Hark: No. I no trust you. You gonna take over tribe. You no get them unless...
Krangjag: UNLESS WHAT!!!!!!
Hark: Never mind. No me not gonna tell you.
Filippe: Please excuse Filippe's friend, he has severe brain damage, yes?
Hark: Oh, brain damage, that make sense.
Filippe: How about you let him do a dangerous task and if he is successful, then maybe he get army, yes?
Hark: Oh, I not sure...
Filippe: Did I mention you have wonderful taste in decor?
Hark: Oh, all right. You, goblin. You can haz goblin army if you iz go deep into cave and bring back mushrooms from other end.
Krangjag: I will does it!

I'll finish this tomorrow.

[Galadhrim]

This was an entertaining read. It went much different than our play through. Thanks for sharing.

[the_brazenburn]

This was an entertaining read. It went much different than our play through. Thanks for sharing.

No problem, glad you like it.

There's plenty more to come.

[the_brazenburn]

Session 2: Part 2

Krangjag set off, heading deeper and deeper into the cave astride his trusty worg. He headed into the narrow passageway that Hark had pointed out, going deeper and deeper until he spotted a small waterfall with some mushrooms growing at the bottom. Krangjag grabbed the mushrooms and headed out. Halfway along the tunnel, though, he heard something dripping.

Drip. Drip. Drip. A puddle of something dark was pooling on the ground. Krangjag leaned down to inspect it, and a psuedopod of the stuff shot out, nearly dissolving his face! The wolf leapt over it and tried to run, but the black pudding hit it with an opportunity attack, crippling one of its forelegs. Krangjag dragged it toward the tunnel exit, yelling for help and only a few steps ahead of the hungry ooze. Toad-on-Rock, Ilikan, and Filippe got there just before the ooze caught up, and Ilikan dragged the worg out to heal it. Just before the rest of the party could escape, though, the ooze dropped from the ceiling, blocking off their exit. Roll initiative.

Toad-on-Rock went first, flying at it in a flurry of claw strikes. All of them connected, and the ooze fell into four pieces. Instead of staying dead, though, each one of them began to move toward us! Krangjag cast Burning Hands, which seared three of them down to just a couple of hit points, and also caught them on fire. Filippe, figuring out that the black pudding was vulnerable to fire, hurled his torch at one of them. He rolled a natural twenty, bouncing it off of two oozes at once, killing both and vaporizing the other two in an explosion of firey ooze. Ilikan, meanwhile, had healed the worg up to stable hit point levels, and I had completed my quest.

Krangjag: Here you goes, King Hark. Krangjag iz bring you mushrooms from the end of cave.
Toad-on-Rock: Toad-on-Rock wonders why does the goblin king want mushrooms?
Ilikan: Maybe he is planning a steak dinner.
Hark: That iz good idea! Are these mushrooms edible?
Rillix flies over and sniffs the mushrooms, then shakes its head.
Filippe: Filippe could have told you that. I have gotten high off those mushrooms many times.
Hark: Okay, you haz done good job. You rest and in morning you can haz goblin army.

Of course, poor gullible Krangjag couldn't spot the obvious way that Hark was duping him.

In the morning, everything went wrong fast. The party woke up to find two huge and ugly ogres standing over them with spears, with a bunch of goblins blocking all the exits. The ogres demanded that the characters drop their weapons and walk with their hands on their heads.

Filippe: The sad part is, you are not the ugliest things Filippe has woken up next to.

The goblins dragged us to a pit with a bunch of alcoves cut into it. Some of them had prisoners in them; human refugees from Nightstone that the goblins had captured. They put one of us into each of the alcoves, then started to leave. It was at this point that I asked which goblins had betrayed us.

DM: You recognize among them Vark, Gleek, Ratcha, and Slibberdabber.
Krangjag: Slibberdabber! Come back an' rescue us, pleeze!

Slibberdabber did not look back.
Filippe: Slibberdabber, that rat-bastard!

With all the noise we had been making, a swarm of bats were starting to get agitated and beginning to rise up from the bottom of the pit. Finally, one of the goblins I had helped in Nightstone came back.

Goblin: I iz come back to rescue yu.
He lowered a ladder to us so we could climb out, but before we escaped the bats swarmed up and knocked him into the pit.

Filippe (shouting after the falling goblin): Your mother smelled!

At this point the rest of us are trying to get the ladder with mage hands and Rillixes and stuff, and Filippe asks what he can do with the rest of his turn. DM suggests another insult.

Fillipe: And your father too!

Finally, Rillix gets the ladder secure and we escape the pit. I let it down to a couple of the Nightstone children and tell them to get out themselves, then I go searching for veangance against Chief Hark. As I walk toward his throne room, I pump myself up with every buff I've got, with Toad-on-Rock following.

We caught Hark literally with his pants down, enjoying (ahem) the company of his female "bodyguards". One of them tried to attack me, and Toad-on-Rock knocked her out cold with a mace. I went straight up to Hark and smashed him with my Shillelaghed cudgel for a bunch of damage, then shoved my fingers in his eyes and mouth like a bowling ball and cast Poison Spray. Hark died painfully, and I am now in charge of a tribe of goblins!

Se you next session!

[Ivor_The_Mad]

Session 3

The party was walking down the road toward water deep on their way to golden fields when an argument broke out. Filippe went to try to flirt with one of Krangjags "bodyguard" he had gone up to her and said
Filippe: Your eyes are as green and blotchy as your skin"
She blushed but took a step back. Krangjag got pissed and they started to argue. A few seconds later they stumbled across the remains of an old battleground. This stopped their quarrels to go loot the bodies. They found nothing good and finally came to Waterdeep. at the gates, they were stopped
Guard Captian: Stop. Which of you is in charge?
Krangjag and Filippe: ME
They fought about it for a minute until Krangjag won and went up to the guard.
Krangjag: These goblins is mine. They answer to me.
Guard: Fine then I assume you pay for them
Kranjag: YOU IS RACEST YOU IS MAKE GOBLINS PAY BUT NOT DEM!!!!
Guard: you said you were the leader so you're the one we talk about payment to.
Krangjag: Well we is no pay. you is racist bastard.
At this point, the guard turned to filippe who pulled Krangjag aside and was quite mad.
Filippe: You are the reason we can't do anything you have ruined all our reputations. Let me handle this.
Krangjag: He was racist.
Toad: Maybe I no pay either. I don't want to part with the shinies.
Filippe (to the guard): ill pay 5gp for me and the cat.
Ilikan: (hands over 5 gp) We don't know them *Pointing to the goblins*
Guard: they don't pay they cant pass through.

We were running short on time by now so nothing much happened in Waterdeep except Filippe got very interested in the Xanathar but that is another story for another day.
For now, this is it but I will post the battle at golden fields tomorrow (probably).

[Ivor_The_Mad]

Session 3 Part 2

Upon arriving at the gates to Goldenfields they were stopped by 2 guards and a priestess. Filippe wanted to know how hot she was so I rolled... nat 20. He then rolled a charisma check to try and seduce he and succeeded. the were then led through the gates into the city.

Krangjag was going there to form a treaty/trade deal with them in exchange for some money and protection. The Priestess Eleanor lead them to the center of town to meet a tavernkeeper who was helping run the town at the moment. His name was Miros. Miros told Krangjag to meet in the town hall at 7 to discuss and Eleanor told filippe to meet her behind the temple after dark. The party passed the time in the Inn getting drunk. when the time came the treaty read as follows.

We the Town of Goldenfields agree to a treaty between the city of Goldenfield and the newly formed civilization of Gobzreikh
Both parties shall be benefited by the treaty thusly no party should want to abolish it. If a party wishes to do so then they must meet at the town hall in the center of Goldenfields to arrange the amendments.
The benefits of Gobzreikh are as follows: The city of Gobzreikh gets 100 lbs of each rice, wheat, corn, barley, various vegetables, and hops. Along with 50lbs of each orange, apples, and pumpkins each week/month (I can't remember which)
The city of Goldenfields benefits from the following: The creatures of Gobzreikh will not harm, invade, pillage or otherwise harm the city of Goldenfields. The city of Goldenfields also can call on the troops of Gobzreikh to aid in any necessary invasions of Goldenfields. Lastly the city of Goldenfields gains 10% of all money looted from pillages.

Filippe also had an eventful night. He returned to the Inn near midnight.
They were soon woken to the shouts of an alarmed halfling.
"a mighty yell shatters the night's silence. "we're under attack!" the voice calls out. "To arms! To arms!" Gathering your wits and weapons, you stumble outside the inn. A low mist blankets the quiet gardens to the north and slinks between the rows of darkened longhouses to the south. A small figure stumbles around the corner of the nearest longhouse, loses his balance, and falls. you have never seen such a clumsy disheveled halfling." (SKT)

Toad stayed at the entrance to the inn but krangjag got his goblins and charged into the fields toward a dark shape he just managed to see through the mist. Ilikan ran back up the stairs and looked out the window with Rillix. Fillippe ran to help the Halfling leading him into town while also rallying the guards. Out of the window, Ilikan saw that Krangjag was about to run right into the attacking troops. He called out a warning and Krangjag prepared to attack and when the first bugbear broke through it was mowed down by arrows. After the initial turn, the goblins started to be forced back the enemy goblins and bugbears outnumbering them. Right before the enemies attacked a huge figure charged on horseback smashing through the enemy lines dropping bugbears like flys. but then disappearing back into the fields. A few seconds later a blur of claws flew out of the shadows slicing down several other goblins. Sudently the wheat was flattened by a huge club. An ogre stepped out of the shadows and a figure rose to meet him. Ilikan. He rode straight at the ogre spearing him on his pike and trampling him to the ground.

End of session. Yay we now have Ilikan The Giant Slayer

[the_brazenburn]

Episode 4

While Toad, Ilikan and I were fighting the ogres and bugbears in the fields, Filippe had managed to rally seven of the city guards and led them out toward the sounds of another group of attackers. They somehow pulled off their Stealth checks and managed to take the goblin vanguard by surprise, killing most of them immediately. Then the bugbears emerged from the tall cornstalks, and one of them critted against a guard and quite literally knocked his block off. Toad, Ilikan and Krangjag (wearing the bugbears' blood as war paint) emerged just in time to see Filippe stab the last bugbear through the neck with his rapier, and the guards braced themselves in case another attack came.

It did.

An ogre plunged through the corn. It was still a fair distance away, having got lost from the main attacking force, and Filippe tried to sneak up and cut its throat. Unfortunately, he rolled a nat 1. DM ruled that he accidentally stepped on a stray eyeball lying in the field, slipping and falling on his back, while the eyeball flew into the air and hit the ogre in the face. It charged toward the prone Filippe, but fortunately Toad had readied her action and spun at the big lunk, slashing his face with a bunch of claw strikes, then smashing the side of his head to stun him. This gave enough time for Krangjag and Ilikan to mount their steeds and prepare to attack, and for Filippe to scramble to his feet and get out of the ogre's path. Now Krangjag came through the corn, hurling three Scorching Rays at the ogre. Two of them impacted, dealing some significant damage. The ogre seemed horribly injured at this point, so instead of just stabbing it with his lance and then trampling it as he normally would, Ilikan went for style points.

His plan was to go up to the ogre, grab its head in his hands, and crush it while making a contemptuous one-liner. His Strength score was certainly high enough for this, and we were all cheering for him to pull off a Gregor Clegane. Ilikan shook the d20 around in his hands, and rolled it on the table.

4.

DM ruled that he grabbed the ogre's head and smashed it down into the ground, but instead of crushing it between his palms, his hands slipped on the sweat and he dropped it. The ogre was at this point terrified. It was down to just four or five hit points, and had been blasted with fire, scratched nearly into mincemeat, and had its head slammed into the ground by something that must have been almost as strong as it was. The final straw came when Filippe went right up to it and made an Intimidation check. He rolled high, and the DM said that the stupid ogre believed what he said.

Filippe: You have been defeated singlehandedly by the mighty Filippe! Now flee, and tell everybody you meet who it was that vanquished you. If you do that, I may spare your worthless life.

Ogre believed him, much to the chagrin of me and Ilikan, who were unhappy that Filippe had taken credit for defeating an ogre he had dealt no damage to. Even so, the ogre fled toward the walls just as the sun began to rise.

I will finish this later. Most of the rest is just us joking around and doing strange random stuff anyway.

[the_brazenburn]

Session 4: Part 2

At this point, we had wandered back to the town and were basically waiting for the sun to rise. We could hear some bellowing from the walls, but there was too much fog and it was still too dark to tell where everything was and what they were doing. Since we could tell that there were no enemies left in the city, we waited and entertained ourselves by doing stupid things.

First Krangjag decided that if there was going to be a big fight, he might want to use his potion. The only problem was that he had no idea what it did, and nobody in the party had identify. To try and guess what its effects might be, Krangjag started doing increasingly stupid ways of putting it into his body.

Krangjag: I drinks small 'mount of potion.
DM: You feel something cold running through your veins.
Krangjag: Not sure what iz... I rub sum on my skins.
DM: Your skin feels cold.
Krangjag: I d'hydrat it wit a cantrip and snort the powder?
DM: Your nose feels cold and numb.
Krangjag: Dammit, I injexts it into my blut!
DM: Your blood all feels very cold.
Ilikan: Oh, this is how drug addiction works? "This feels terrible, I must try it again!"

Then Toad-on-Rock got into some trouble with a basket of watermelons (no, Toad, they do not contain actual water) and Filippe went off with the priestess.

As the sun was beginning to rise, a very bored and hungover Filippe tried to make innuendos about absolutely everything we or the DM said, while the rest of us discussed what Shakepeare characters we would be. (Krangjag was Tybalt, Filippe was Mercutio, Toad was Bottom, and Ilikan was Othello. We're pretty sure that Rillix is going to turn out to be Rosenkrantz or Guildenstern in disguise, and Gum-gum would be really funny in a Lady Macbeth costume, screaming, "Git out, you damm spotz!")

Finally, the sun rose and we could see a bunch of hill giant silhouettes on the other side of the wall. It was at this point that we discovered that Filippe was the only party member that did not speak Giant. The giants were yelling at a very wounded ogre, "Why you no bring food? Guh no be happy if no get food!", and the ogre was trying to explain that the food was guarded by a three-headed beast named Filippe, with the heads of a human, a cat, and a dragon, and the strength of an ogre. The giants kept yelling about food, until finally I got sick of it and yelled in Giant, "Howz about we ordurz yu a pizza?"

Then the giants left.

P.S. We all reached 6th level, and I took the Haste spell. Now Ivor is pissed at me, because he fears my power (Mwahahaha).

[Ivor_The_Mad]

I thought we weren't going to mention the watermelons.

[the_brazenburn]

I thought we weren't going to mention the watermelons.

Well, I didn't go into any actual details.

[the_brazenburn]

Session 5

The last two sessions were pretty much wasted on random side quests and stuff, so we decided to post them as one. That way we might have enough interesting material to make a legitimate post about it.

So after we saved Goldenfields from the giants, a bunch of NPCs lined up to ask us to run errands and stuff for them. There were a bunch of them, including a living tree, some dreadlocked shepherds, the yeti-looking inkeeper, and a drunken halfling bard, but the two side quests that we had the most interest in were as follows:

We had to deliver a black pearl to a butler in Waterdeep as evidence that his master's daughter is still alive, with the promise of some items as payment,

And we had to visit a crazy dragon mage in Waterdeep named Chazerloth something (Krangjag couldn't pronounce his trisyllabic name and called him Chaz), who would help us understand more about the giant threat.

When we set off, the travel was pretty quick. The grateful villagers sent us off with something like a dozen horses laden with food and drink, which Ivor said would just negate the need to count food supplies for the entirety of the journey. Eventually we found a bunch of bodies lying on the ground: some giants and barbarians, who appeared to have killed each other. After discovering that they had no loot, we ignored the corpses. The only other notable event before we reached Waterdeep was that Rilllix (scouting ahead) noticed a group of bandits planning to ambush us. We decided to turn the tables and ambuch them instead, and with Rillix' and Fillipe's strategic planning, came up with a tactic.

Night fell. We clustered up on a hillside, resting and waiting for the battle to come. Suddenly, there was a flash of lights as Rillix flew out of a ravine: the prearranged signal. We drew our bows/throwing weapons/spellcasting foci and blasted down into the ravine, which was packed with bandits. By the time the dust had cleared, five (including their leader) were dead, and the others had surrendered. After taking away their weapons and anything else of value and tying them up, we had a debate over what to do with them. Filippe wanted to release them so they could spread the tale of how the mighty Filippe and his "sidekicks" had defeated the bandit horde, while I favored sending them to Gobzreikh to stand trial by the priests of Shaargrik (the deity of the goblin country I founded). Eventually, Ilikan broke the tie in Filippe's favor, and we let the bandits go free.

Once we reached Waterdeep, we went straight to the mansion with the butler we needed to send the black pearl to. He accepted the pearl graciously, but said that he didn't really need it and gave it to Fillipe as a gift. Then we picked up the items we'd been offered as payment, which were a "Potion of Smallness" for me, a shiny crystal thingy for Toad, and some sort of scroll (can't remember what spell) for Filippe.

I'll write about the other session tomorrow.

[the_brazenburn]

Session 6

After leaving the Mansion of the Black Pearl, we headed into an inn to see if anybody knew who Chazerloth was. We asked the barkeep if he knew a Chaz.

Barkeep: Which Chaz?
Us: Um... Chazerloth.
Barkeep: Which Chazerloth?
Us:... Chazerloth the crazy dragon mage?
Barkeep: Which one?
Ilikan (getting annoyed): How many Chazerloth the crazy dragon mages could there be?
Barkeep: Well, there's Chazerloth the Red, Chazerloth the Green, Chazeroloth the Copper...
Us: Fine, fine. We'll look for him ourselves.

We left the inn and went into the street, where the DM described a very interesting scene.
DM: In front of you is a thiry-story tall glass tower. The tinted windows spell out "Chazerloth", and the word "Chazerloth here" is painted on the door. A dragon-shaped statue on the top belches out fire, which forms the words "Chazeroloth". Standing around the base of the tower is a children's choir, singing "Chazerloth, Chazerloth, Chazerloth!" Also there's an old man in the street.
Krangjag: "Krangjag betz the old man iz Chaz!" (runs over to the old man) "Hello, most amaze Chaz!"
Old Man: I'm not Chaz! Get offa mah property, yah damn kids!

Krangjag takes away his stick and breaks it over his knee. There is a loud snap, and the perfectly unsmashed stick falls to the ground. Krangjag also falls to the ground, his knee shattered. A large crowd starts snickering at him, while the rest of the party pretends not to know him. Since Ilikan refused to heal him, Krangjag conjured up a splint. A pink plastic splint decorated with Hello Kitty stickers. Then we entered the Chazloth tower.

DM: Inside the tower are a variety of strange objects. One of them is a long stick with a curved handle and a small red button at the bottom. Do you press it?
Everybody: YES!
DM: A large elliptical disk made of some sort of fabric pops out of the top. It is held in place by curved metal spines.
Everybody thinks for a moment. Then Krangjag and Ilikan try to speak at once.
Ilikan: Umbrella, maybe?
Krangjag: HANG GLIDER!
Krangjag climbed up to the third floor and jumped off, trying to use the umbrella as a hang glider. Because of his small size, it sort of acted as a parachute, and instead of dying instantly, he just broke his other leg. Two Hello Kitty Splints!

After this, we decided to stop messing around and climbed up to the top of the tower, where we were allowed in by a baby silver dragon. When asked if he was Chazloth, he said no, and reappeared with a very old man with a long white beard, hovering in the air upside down. (I bet you can guess who he is...)

"FIZBOP THUNDERTOES!" yelled everybody in unison. We had a very long discussion with the insane mage, eventually having him tell us where to find the green dragon Old Gnawbone, who might help us against the giants instead of killing us. Maybe.

I'm short on time and space, so I'll post the "Comrade Boris" part a little later. Also we might record our meetings and post an edited transcription, would anybody like to see that?

[the_brazenburn]

Session 6: Part 2 (AKA Comrade Boris)

After leaving Waterdeep, we set off along the road to the Dessarin Valley, where Old Gnawbone lives. Apparently our path led through the town of Amphail, where Krangjag noticed a group of children hanging around at a statue of a horse. They were throwing rocks at the birds clustered around it. With great enthusiasm (Krangjag's personality trait is "I love babies and childs") he stopped, donned a worgskin hat, and proceeded to perform a Silly Walk (copyright Cleese/Palin, 1970) up to the children.

Krangjag: Ho ho ho! Happy Oktob'rfest! I iz Sanguine Claws, the Oktoberfest Goblin!

He proceeded to hand out gold coins and jugs of ale to "all the gud leetle boys an gurls", then left town, promising to return next year. He did the same in every other town we visited. In one of them, Filippe (who has far less money than anybody else in the party) knocked out one of the children and impersonated them to try and get Oktob'rfest gifts from Sanguine Claws. It did not go well.

Eventually we ventured into the forest to find Gnawbone. Along the way we found some goats, which Gleek (the high priest of Shaargrik, Gobzreikh deity) took to be a good omen and tried to herd along with the party. Fillipe was apparently possessed by a surge of madness (he had asked to roll randomly on the tables) and started punching everything he could see. He rolled a 19 on his attack, and literally punched a goat's head off. As Gleek screamed that he should be sacrificed as his punishment for offending Shaargrik, Ilikan thumped him and knocked him unconscious. The remaining goats followed us deeper into the forest.

Finally, the "Comrade Boris" scene has arrived!

Rillix, scouting ahead as usual, returned to us with some interesting news.
Rillix: A fire giant and a bunch of goblins are up ahead of us. They are digging a really big hole.
Filippe: What's the hole for?
Rillix: I don't know?

Fillipe was desperate to know what the hole did, so he adopted a clever scheme to find out. He strode into the clearing and walked right up to the giant.
Filippe (in Russian accent): Hello! I am Comrade Boris. I am a hole investor. I am interested in investing in your hole.
Giant: Hole investors? I do not need an investor for my hole.
Fillipe: But, but, I have many wonderful slaves. They are hard workers, and I will lend them to you to invest in the hole, and we will all be happier.
Giant: Where are these slaves?
Krangjag and his goblins staggered out of the trees, looking weak and pathetic
Fillipe: This is Comrade Jeffrey. He is my head slave.
Giant (laughing): Goblins? I have many goblins already. I do not need your investments!
Fillipe: But these are special goblins! They can do magic! Show him, Comrade Jeffrey!
Krangjag and the other goblins jumped into the hole and started digging. I used all of my third and second level slots to cast Haste and Enlarge on us, and together we had dug almost twenty feet in just a few minutes.
Giant: These are very good slaves, yes. All right, I will take them. When we are finished, I will take you to Ironslag to meet Duke Zalto. He will give you... what you deserve.
Fillipe: No, they are not for keeps. I will hire them out to you.
Giant: No. Now you have refused my offer, so I will enslave you, too!

At this point I tried to convince the giant that I had a powerful ally on my side, and yelled out in Goblin to Ilikan and Toad to disguise themselves as competent heroes and come help us. Unfortunately, I had forgotten about the thirty enslaved goblins in the hole with me, and one of them reported this to the giant.

Then me and Fillipe attempted Intimidation checks. Fillipe rolled a 12, I got a 19. The giant stepped back, slightly nervous. Fillipe pressed the advantage: "And he can summon mighty demons from the pits of hell!" Krangjag used Prestidigitation to create a puff of brimstone, and Ilikan stepped out of it, looking ferocious. "I shall slay both of your ogres in once, foul giant!"

End session

[Ivor_The_Mad]

Session 7

Again kind of a slow session. The fact that someone *Cough* *filippe**Cough* kept answering the phone whenever we got to an important part.

Out of the smoke stepped Ilikan. 2 ogres rose to meet him.
He used his Intimidation ability that conquest paladins get and made one of the ogres cower in fear. The second one threw a javelin that embedded in the ground at Ilikans feet. Ilikan charged using his divine smite to strike a mighty blow to the ogre a burning white gash appearing on his chest. The ogre was pissed and swung his club which was easily deflected and parried by Illikan who yet again used his divine abilities to strike true killing the ogre. The second one was crawling back to escape when it hit its masters boot.
Giant: You coward!!!! You are not fit to live!!!
He kicked the ogre sending him sprawling at Ilikans feet. Ilikan then grabbed the ogre by the hair lifting it off the ground and cut his head clean off. At this point, the Giant agreed to honor his half of the deal and let the party go.

They had not gone too far when the sound of a huge creature smashed through the woods. An enormous green dragon lumbered out of the bushes. She had the skeleton of a humanoid dangling from her mouth
Gnawbone: "You must be the adventurers. I don't care much for small folk. You tend to bore me. What have you come for, I assume you have come for me haven't you?"
Krangjag: Yes great dragon. We haz come to ask you advice. we iz not sure what we iz doing tho. Com to tink of it we iz not know why we iz here. It haz someting to do wid giants
Gnawbone: "Yes giants," She said with disgust. "you heard about the giant attacks" " well all I can do to help is send you on to the north to the Eye of the Allfather. It is an old giant temple in which you can find the answers that you seek."
The party looks at eachother.
Gnawbone: also look out for a giant called Harsnag he can help you. He wears the helm of a White dragon.
OUT OF GAME
Filippes Character: WHY THE HECK IS A DRAGON WHO JUST SAID HOW MUCH SHE HATES GIANTS TELLING US TO FIND A GIANT TO HELP US
He tends to question the plot a bunch and I keep stressing the fact that I am reading the pre written dialogue.

So the party heads off to the north
Krangjag(yelling to Gnawbone): YOU IZ HAZ TO TEACH ME THAT GNAWING TECKNiQUE SOME TIME.

I will finish part two in the morning. That is when the party meets harsnag and a player complains about cliffs of death

[Ivor_The_Mad]

Session 7 Part 2

They headed north having an uneventful journey stopping in towns to bring October fest cheer or at least Krangjag was. He also is now almost out of gold. They had just reached Mirabar and left there goats and pets with a goblin. Having "secured" a boat they headed down the Mira river. After a day they were suitably drunk and had made no progress so they decided to camp for the night.

At about 11 they woke to the sound of snapping twigs and brush as a huge frost giant stepped from the tree line. He wore the skull of a white dragon. The party recognized him from Gnawbones description and ran to meet him. After the introductions, the following dialogue occurred.
Harshnag: It is nice to meet you, fellow adventurers. I have heard of your quest and I have come to help you.
Filippe: What can you do the help us? Do you know where the Eye of the Allfather is? We have come to take it.
Harshnag: What? you came to... What? I think you mean you have come to FIND the eye of the Allfather
Filippe: No I think we are supposed to steal it.
Harshnag: the Eye of the Allfather is a temple.
Filippe: what's your point.
Harshnag: Nevermind. I can lead you to the Eye and I also have some information you might find useful. The small folk don't know of this, only us giants do.
Krangjag: THAT IZ SLANDER. NO USE RACIAL SLURS!!!!
Harshnag: My apoligies. I think that you are a fine hight. I have information that ... no nongiants have. The ordaning. The hierarchy of Giants has fallen and the giants are racing to get to the top. The previous rulers the Storm Giants have lost control. You must find out why and help restore order.
They then set off to the Eye of the Allfather.
Filippes player then started complaining about the cliffs of death on either side of the path not understanding why someone would build this.

Next session will be the Halloween Special in which my plans are to have a werewolf encounter. I was thinking of running it like the game werewolf Aka mafia. I'm still working on it.

[the_brazenburn]

Session 8 (I think?)

As we approached the Eye of the All-Father, Toad noticed a movement in the snowy peaks nearby. A pair of snowy white crag cats stalked toward us. Me and Toad seized the opportunity to gain new pets and made Animal Handling checks. They both succeeded pretty well, and the DM gave us the chance to name them. I named mine "Whitepigflesheater" (I'd given him some bacon) and Toad named hers "Weijing" (Chinese for monosodium glutamate). After that, we crossed the cliffs of death and entered the eye of the All-Father.

The antechamber was a long passageway with a set of huge stone double doors at the end. Krangjag set off, and as he passed the middle of the room, a huge weight fell toward him. Krangjag dived out of the way, but was unable to escape the weight in time. It smashed his foot into jelly. Ilikan suggested that perhaps he should use his Mage Hand spell as a Mage Foot until we could get him a peg leg. Once we had freed Krangjag from the weight, Harshnag lifted the rock and threw it away. We carefully ran past the trapped area and walked through the double doors.

On the other side we spotted several barbarians armed with axes. Before they could attack us, Ilikan and Filippe made Intimidation checks which terrified them. They ran off in the other direction, then we heard somebody speaking in a guttural language that none of us understood. We approached to investigate, and ran into four barbarians, a shaman wearing antlers, and a white dragon the size of a horse. We stopped for a second, then Toad tried to negotiate.

Toad: Hello, I am Toad-on-Rock, wanderer of the world and seeker of enlightenment. May we pass?
Shaman: No. I will kill you instead.
Roll initiative.

I went first and blasted the shaman with a Scorching Ray. She screamed in agony as the flames torched her, but it didn't bring her down. She summoned a cloud of demons to protect her, then pulled out a whip and cracked it at the dragon: "Attack, you fool!" The terrified dragon breathed icy air at us, which dealt a fair amount of damage but wasn't enough to kill us. Ilikan used his Aura of Fear to advance through the barbarians, scaring them into backing down and not attacking. Filippe threw his knife at the shaman's head, which pierced through her cheek. Toad finally brought her down with a dart. The barbarians and dragon immediately surrendered.

I'll finish a bit later.

[the_brazenburn]

Session 8: Part 2

After slaying the shaman, Filippe befriended the dragon, who claimed to have been kidnapped from its home by the barbarians a few years ago. It agreed to accompany us on our quest if we could bring it home. After that, we commanded the barbarians to return to their masters and spread the news of the might of Krangjag, Ilikan, Toad-on-Rock, and Filippe.

Harshnag then led us into the central chamber, which contained a number of large statues of giants. There was also a portal-looking thing with runes in giant carved along the outside of it. We experimented with trying to open the portal, but shied away from actually touching the runes in case of a trap.

That's essentially where the session ended. Sorry for the short posts, there wasn't much material to work with.

[Ivor_The_Mad]

Session 9

The party decided to look around for clues choosing to check out the right door. The went through and saw a burning fire in the middle of the room which they went over to. The moment they got there they noticed that there was a large remorhaz racing toward them. Krangjag ran leaving Harshnag to fight the rest of the party (Ilikan and Filippe stayed Toad was absent) Harshnag ran to meet it critting it with his ax. Ilikan also charged with his sword. Filippe sat and watched. After a few minutes, the remorhaz was almost dead so Filippe chucked a knife at it... Killing it.
Out of game
Brazenburn: You have to be kidding me. AGAIN!!! How does he always land the last hit and take the credit????? He is on his phone!!
Filippe just smiles.
Harshnag found Thryms ax and they went back to the runed room.

I'm going to skip most of the trial and error and skip straight to the solution.

The party had figured out how to activate the runes and had activated the Ise rune after this chaos ensues

Krangjag: Maybe it iz in order?
Ilikan: let's try the one above as cloud
It was stone and 4 earth elementals spawned. They ran and waited it out
They only made one more mistake.
They activated the fire rune... which means... meteor swarm. Everyone but the white dragon Harshnag and you guessed it... Filippe (evasion) survived.
Upon hearing that filippe survived Brazenburn started swearing and everyone started laughing. Filippe then finished the puzzle and helped revive the party but in the explosion, Krangjags goblins and crag cat died. He took some of the ashes to revive in the future and proceded to the Oracle.
I'll try to finish part two later today.

[Ivor_The_Mad]

Session 9 part 2

Just so you guys know I skipped the side quest in the Oracle. Normally you have to go and get some of the giant artifacts at the burial mounds but everyone was fed up with side quests.

They entered the Oracle and found the ghost of the dead giant who told them to avenge his death in exchange for telling them how to use the Oracle. Filippe agreed and they started asking. In the end, they decided to go after Thane Kayalithica.
they then left the Oracle and were just leaving when they heard Giant footsteps. Iymrith had arrived. At first, she didn't see the adventurers but Harshnag emerged from the portal and charged swinging his ax and telling the party to RUN! and they did. they escaped just as the Eye of the Alfather collapsed in a pile of rubble and Iymrith materialized over it and flew away.
As she did a rope ladder landed next to them and a voice shouted: "Come aboard".

end of the session

[Ivor_The_Mad]

Session 10

The airship had just appeared and the party was unsure whether to accept being suspicious. Krangjag didn't care he went on up followed by the rest of the party. When they reached the top the person told them that they were sent by the red dragon Klauth to help them travel across his vast domain. They asked the reason for this and he said "the great dragon wishes you to slay the giant lords and he shall reward you handsomely"
Krangjag: Can you speeek in normal talk?
Cultist: *sigh* Big dragon want you go kill big giant and he give you lot of shineys
Krangjag: LETS GO KILL EM
They headed southeast toward Deadstone Cleft running into a few encounters

Oh, I almost forgot. My friend who i haven't seen in a while joined for a session he was playing a gnome illusionist

The first encounter was just some curious Aarakocra then some Raven tribe barbs.
The Barbarians were flying at us but the gnome ran to the harpoon gun and shot him out of the sky.
followed by Krangjag trying to shoot a blow dart at them but it was sucked behind the airship and disappeared. Rillix took out the 2nd and the 3rd one landed only to be knocked off by Ilikan. Rilix caught a raven and took it to Toad and dropped it at her feet. Toad ate it.

They kept sailing. On the 3rd week they were traveling through some mist and when it disperses Deadstone cleft is right below them. They accidentally alerted a roc that was in a nest down near the entrance. It flew up at them slashing Krangjag and then landing atop the balloon and attacking it. Gnome was tempted to shoot up through the balloon with the ballista but decided against it.

We ended arguing over a solution.

[the_brazenburn]

Session 11

I was kind of worried about this session, since the last couple had been awfully dull. It seems, however, that I was worried in vain, because this session was legendary.

The gnome's player wasn't here this week, so we retired the character by having him cast confusion on the roc. This worked splendidly, causing the giant bird to fly in circles until it became nauseous and blacked out. We then looted the roc's nest, each receiving over a thousand gold pieces. Toad found a shiny purple stone, and Krangjag got a staff of fire. (Ilikan and Fillipe, who didn't get magic items, each took an extra share of gold.) After this, we had to decide how to enter the Deadstone Cleft. There were a lot of entrances: the main canyon bisected by a river, and a number of small tunnels carved into the stone. We had wanted to enter along the river, before it was pointed out that Ilikan was wearing heavy armor and thus would have difficulty swimming. Grumbling, Toad-on-Rock led the way into the first tunnel.

The cramped tunnel eventually widened into a huge (by our standards) cavern, in which stood a stone giant. He seemed to be meditating or something, so we reasoned that it might be possible to sneak past him. Like the vote to enter through the river, the vote to sneak past the giant was 3 to 1. Ilikan was again unable to sneak, due to his heavy armor. We debated leaving him in the tunnel and continuing without him, before deciding to risk the stealth penalty.

DM: Okay, roll your Stealth checks.
Toad: I got a 15.
Fillipe: I got a 17.
Me: I got a 14.
Ilikan: I got an... uh... 2. DID YOU HEAR ME? I GOT A 2!!!
Giant: Who goes there?
Giant raising his club: You have twenty seconds to explain why I shouldn't kill you.
Fillipe: We come in peace!
DM: The giant looks at you blankly.
Fillipe: Oh crap, doesn't he speak Common? I don't suppose any of you speak Giant...

Everybody else at the table raises their hands. Fillipe looks shocked at the fact that he is the only one who does not speak the most campaign-relevant language.
Fillipe: Can somebody translate for me?
Krangjag: I will does it!
Fillipe: We come in peace.
Krangjag: We cums in peaces.
Giant: Yeah, and that's the way you're gonna leave, too!

[the_brazenburn]

Session 11: Part 2

Fillipe: What did he say?
Krangjag: He sez we iz gonna leave in pieces.
Fillipe: Really! Great, let's go!
Krangjag: Real grate, lezgo!
Giant: Wait, you want to be squished?
Krangjag: He sez we wants to wate to be skwisheed.
Fillipe: No, no, I'd rather leave.
Krangjag: No, we eez rather leev.
Giant: No, you can't leave.
Fillipe: What did he say?
Krangjag: He sez we can't leev.

At this point, Toad-on-Rock and Ilikan are over in the corner laughing their heads off. Ilikan offers to translate so that we don't get squished.

Fillipe: Okay, repeat after me. We come in peace, and we want to speak to your leader.
Ilikan: Okay, repeat after me. We come in peace, and we want to speak to your leader.
Giant: Why should I repeat after you?
Ilikan: He wants to know why he should repeat after him.
Fillipe: No, I want you to repeat after me.
Ilikan: No, I want you to repeat after me.
Giant: Why?
Ilikan: He wants to know why.
Fillipe: Alright, now we're getting somewhere! We want to talk to Kayalithica, and borrow her conch shell.
Ilikan: Alright, now we're getting somewhere! We want to talk to Kayalithica, and borrow her conch shell.
Giant: Why does that mean I should repeat after you?

Now Fillipe gives up on the literal-minded Ilikan as a translator and switches to Toad-on-Rock.

Fillipe: Okay, Toad, tell the giant who we are and that we aren't enemies of stone giants.
Toad-on-Rock: Hello there, I am Toad-on-Rock, the wise scholar. I am seeking enlightenment and also shinies: are you familiar with the shinies?
Giant: Um...
Fillipe: Tell him who the rest of us are.
Toad: These are my friends: Ilikan the Giantslayer, Krangjag, King of Gobzreikh, and Fillipe Giantsbane.
Giant visibly enraged: What!? You are here to kill us?
Toad: No, no, we are not here to kill you, although we have killed weaker giants in the past. We are here to take your thane's conch shell.
Giant: Even worse! Burglars! I should kill you where you stand!
Krangjag: Actuhly, they no all week giants we keeled. We drop a beeldeeng on Harshnag, and...
Giant: You killed that bastard Harshnag! Excellent!
Krangjag: Yes, he was a bastard also racist.
Giant: Very well, I shall take you to see Thane Kayalithica.

Fillipe still has no idea what happened. :smallbiggrin:

[Mighty Cal]

This thread is really cool I like it a lot.

Brazenburn can you tell me why Krangjag is so screwed up.

[the_brazenburn]

This thread is really cool I like it a lot.

Brazenburn can you tell me why Krangjag is so screwed up.

Screwed up? I'm hurt! :smallwink:

Glad to hear that you enjoy the thread though: I always love getting responses from the readers.

[the_brazenburn]

Session 11: Part 3

The giant led us through the tunnels of Dreadstone Cleft, passing groups of barbarians and other stone giants in the process. Finally we reached a room of statues: four in all. At the center of the room was a giant stalactite. As soon as we entered the room, the giant ran off in the other direction and slammed the door shut behind us. A voice boomed out from the stalagmite: "You have violated this holy ground. Only thanes may enter this room and live."

Then the statues came to life and attacked us. Of course they did.

I cast wall of fire to try and give us time to regroup, then buffed up Ilikan with enlarge spells to make him as large as the giant-sized statues. The giants merely walked straight through the flames, completely unfazed. Ilikan spun around and body-slammed a statue off the side of the cliff. It fell into the mud far below and sank. Unfortunately, the other statues started slamming at Ilikan, who took a serious wound to the head. Fillipe, Toad, and I all made physical attacks that did no damage, and Ilikan managed to knock another statue into the mud pit. Then the stalagmite spoke again.

Stalamagite: Stop! I shall deal with you myself.

Out of the stalagmite strode a twenty-foot-tall stone giant wearing a silver armband. It was the Thane Kayalithica.

End Session.

[Ivor_The_Mad]

This thread is really cool I like it a lot.

Brazenburn can you tell me why Krangjag is so screwed up.

Thanks. Glad you like it. :)

[PwntumPrime]

When will you add more?

[the_brazenburn]

When will you add more?

Ivor was supposed to have done that three days ago...

Hopefully very soon.

[Ivor_The_Mad]

I totally didn't completely forget I was supposed to do this. :smalleek:

Session 12

This session is kind of short and only describes the battle. Enjoy!!

As the party stepped on to the central island with the giant stalactite out of it popped Thane Kayalithica. She swung her weapon at Krangjag bashing him in the side. Ilikan shouted: "Wait. I challenge you to single combat."
Kayalithica: What? you want to challenge me? Ha, I'll smash you to a pulp.
After some preparation and spells (Ilikan: stoneskin, heroism and mirror image and enlarge. Kayalithica: stoneskin)
Kayalithica swung first dispersing an illusion and clocking Ilikan on the head.
Ilikan retaliated with a divine strike which hit deep.
Kayalithica countered and dispersed the last of the illusions
Ilikan divine striked again.
Kaylithica picked up a rock and bashed him with it. he stood and tried to attack again but missed and was hit again with the club and fell to the ground defeated Kayalithicahit him a few more times for good measure but krangjag lasted her from behind she turned furious about to cast time stop but Filippe had casually walked up and stabbed he killing he instantly.
she hit the ground and a muffled yelp came from her belt.
A captured gnome crawled out and thanked them since he had been in there for quite a while. He offered to pay them if they got him home. Other giants came to rejoice at the tyrant's death.

that's pretty much all that happened. the got the conch, 500pp, and a gnome. YAY!

[the_brazenburn]

Session 13

This was the session in which we were supposed to head to Maelstrom, but nobody felt like it and Toad was absent, so instead we just messed around in Gobzreikh and Waterdeep. First we checked in on the gnome's modifications to our airship. We had bomb-droppers, a Tesla cannon, and some other cool weaponry. Then we went to visit Gobzreikh. The country had improved slightly while I was away: the population had nearly tripled, but the military was still awfully weak. Ilikan decided to help train my soldiers, while I went to Waterdeep to purchase weapons and try to work out a weapons deal with the Xanathar. (I know, horrible idea, right?) Fillipe came along with me to try and purchase a magic item he had his eye on (a Cloak of Arachnidia).

I can do the Waterdeep part later.

[the_brazenburn]

Session 13: Part Two

After arriving in Waterdeep, I started looking around for underworld figures capable of putting me in contact with the Xanathar, while Filippe browsed for magic item dealers. We split up for most of this time, so our adventures were mostly separate.

Filipe rolled high on his checks to find a dealer, who was willing to sell him the cloak at the absolute minimum price... of 20 thousand gold pieces. We did not have that much money.

I spent several days lurking in bars, without any success, before I ran into a particularly shady-looking figure. He had a tiny tattoo on his shoulder, but I couldn't tell what it was. Krangjag resolved to use a very subtle, probing questioning line of tactics to find out whether this man was affiliated with the Xanathar.

Krangjag: Duz yu no the Zantar?
Shady Guy: I have no idea what you are talking about. Are you drunk, my friend?
Krangjag: No me is not drooooonnnnnkkkkk...

He was cut off by a sharp pain in his side and then blacked out.

Meanwhile, Fillipe had encountered a shady man who was willing to give him the money needed to purchase his cloak. What he needed was quite odd...

Other Shady Guy: I want you to rob a museum for me. It has a few priceless artifacts that used to be family heirlooms before they were stolen from me. The first one is a stone that has some power over the weather. I will pay you ten thousand after you steal that, and the rest after you steal the second, which is a dagger.

Filippe: Okay.

Krangjag woke up in a bed in the inn where he had been poisoned last night. His hands were bound with magical chains, but he disintegrated them with a Counterspell. I then went to confront the shady guy from the night before.

Me: Why yu ty me up?
Shady Guy: You were very drunk. I didn't want you to harm anybody.
Me: Duz yu no the Zantar?
Shady Guy: No, I've never heard of him. Why do you want to see him?
Me: I iz want mers'nary deal.
Shady Guy: Oh. Well in that case you can leave.

Filippe was having second thoughts about his deal with the Shady Guy. He decided to visit his friend Fizbop and ask for advice.

Fizbop: Hmmm... you mean he wants you to steal a rock like this?

He puts a rock identical to the one Filippe is about to steal on the table.

Filippe: May I have it?
Fizbop: Certainly, my friend! Here, have this as well.

He puts a red dot on the table. Filippe stares at it for a moment, then realizes what it is and dives for cover. It explodes, shaking the tower with a firey burst.

Fillipe: Actually, could you put one of those in the rock? Maybe with a two-day timer?
Fizbop: Sure!

This one, fortunately, did not explode on time. Filippe handed it over and then went to steal the dagger. That is where is story ends for now.

I ended up in a much worse place. Krangjag went searching for shady figures (again) and found one. He asked for the Xanathar, and ended up knocked unconscious. When he woke up, I was tied up with sewer water up to my chest and my items stolen.

End session.

[Ivor_The_Mad]

Session 14. Waterdeep Pt. 2

Krangjag awakes to find himself chained to the ground in the middle of a large domed room treading water in a pool of sewer water with a level or two of exhaustion. He immediately tried to find an exit but deduced that the only 2 ways in were a small hole in the wall dripping water and a large hole in the ceiling. Chains hung from the ceiling. His arms being free (and me forgetting he had his items taken) he drank a potion of smallness and escaped his chains. He then climbed the chains and tried to use pitons to climb across the ceiling to the hole but failed his check and fell. This alerted 2 winged kobolds who swooped down and picked him up taking him to The Xanathar.

This part got rushed a bit because we ran out of time. Sorry.

Filippe had just scouted the museum and was looking for a way in that was not alarmed. He decided on taking the sewers and eventually wound up underneath a gallery of old statues. He popped up in an alcove next to an elf statue. He rolled successfully on a stealth check and swung up onto the ceiling to avoid the guards. He used the ceiling to avoid the guards and make it to the room. Then because he couldn't enter because the entrance was watched. He threw a ball bearing into another room and then slipped inside. He took the item and escaped. He handed it off to the guy and that's pretty much it.

Krangjag parched the Xanathar

Krangjag: Hello Meester Xanathar. I iz want to make deal.
Xanathar: OOOOooh You're the new prisoner. I like new prisoners. You people are so fun. My favorite is Squee. He can't die!!! SQUEEEE! Oh hi Squee!
ZAP!!!
See he's not dead. He's fun...
Krangjag: um Xanathar me is wan't ask you for favor. Me is want to hire mercenaries.
Xanathar: Have you met Sylgar? He's the best. I love him. He's the best. Do you want to be his friend? You can stay here and be his friend and you can feed him and love him and you can tell him stories and...
Krangjag: Umm Xanathar maybe ill just leave.
Xanathar: YOU DON"T LIKE SYLGAR?!!?!?!
Krangjag: Yes yes yes I do. I made him the crown!
Xanathar: YOU WILL DIE!!!!
He then zaps krangjag with a death ray. Nearly killing him. he didn't bother zapping him again

As I said earlier we were running out of time so I just had Merry the Merrenoloth Come to his rescue. Next session will return us to the main story. So enjoy!