View Full Version : Stupid Funny Fails

2018-09-19, 03:46 PM
This is a thread about those stupid and hilarious moments where someone totally botched it on a roll and shenanigans ensued. Or maybe someone just made a really bad decision.
I'll start with a story from a few years ago:
It was a D&D 3.5 campaign and I was still fairly new to the game, but I did know the basic rules alright. I made a Monk/Assassin multiclass character and I thought he was really cool at the time. The only problem was he had only 10 constitution. So on his first assassination contract in the campaign, he climbed up the side of his target's house late at night and up into a bedroom window, which was already opened. There was someone in that bedroom, a druid. My assassin monk failed his move silently check vs. this guy and the druid heard him coming. They roll initiative. Druid goes first. Druid casts a poison touch spell on the monk assassin, immediately hitting him with it on a nat 20. The monk assassin rolls fortitude. Gets a nat 1. The poison touch spell does 1d10 constitution damage. Druid rolls a 10 on the damage. The monk assassin immediately dies and falls out the window onto the ground below.
That's the only character I ever made who immediately died in the first encounter of a campaign, before he even got a chance to attack. I was disappointed, but now every time I think about it I chuckle.

So, what's your story of failure and laughter?

Kol Korran
2018-09-19, 10:31 PM
The tale of Karandor the unlucky dwarf
A long time ago, we had a dwarf fighter in the party. Sturdy and durable as hell, except the player had the worst luck with fortitude saves. On any critical ones, he rolles natural 1. Got petrified... twice... died to massive damage... twice... This began to irritate him greatly.

The setting was Forgotten Realms. The player made the dwarf an atheist (He is an atheist in life, and hated the way divinity worked in the realms), but the player decided that his bad luck may be due to this. Sooo... he decided the dwarf will pick a god, and forge a holy symbol to show his devotion, and perhaps his atrocious luck would end.

Problem was, at that point we were infiltrating an occupied city, trying to get up a resiatance and such, and the only forge was under enemy occupation. So we came up with a plan! We disguised our group as mercenaries, and approached the forge. We bluffed that our mercenary dwarf would like to use the forge for awhile. They agreed, but asked the rest of us to leave, as to not clutter the place.

The dwarf player was worried (Charisma dump stat, no skills at bluff) so we came up with something very easy to play, so at least the DC will be low. "Oh, by the way, no point in talking to him. He is mute."
The DM approved, and was even impressed by the ruse.

So, the rest of us leave, and the dwarf player gets to work. As he readies to roll his bluff, he asks. "So, what's the DC?". As he rolls the DM waves his hand "Oh, just don't roll a..." before he hears the groans of the dwarf's player, and our laughter... The dice, naturally, showed a 1.

The DM's face was blank for a few seconds,and then he smiled that special smile of DMs "You get absorbed by your work, you finally found a deity you can relate to! A higher power you can worship! You are so lost in the moment, in this profound enlightment, that you begin to sing! Holy praise to your god, a celebration of spiritual faith! Only to suddenly face some deeply suspicious guards with their swords drawn..."

What followed was one of the bloodiest, most confusing and entertaining fights/ escapes our party ever had, with the dwarf losing it and singing to his god while hacking at the enemyies with gleeful devout rage, and us rushing to help and trying to cover the mess and get back under cover!

Though, he never rolled a natural 1 on fortitutde saves again! Well, at least not with this character...

To this day, when we say "Just don't roll a..." the player yells "shut up!" and we begin singing!

Jay R
2018-09-20, 01:29 PM
The game was Flashing Blades, a musketeer game, and I was the GM.

The rogue in the party had decided to learn the Etiquette skill, which takes three months. He'd spent two weeks on it. To make a successful role, you have to roll your Charm or less on a d20. [So low rolls are good; high rolls are bad.]

The party went to a high-status hunting party, and at one point, the rogue decided that he was going to go talk to the duke's daughter, who was surrounded by noble suitors. They tried to tell him that he cannot go introduce himself to her; he needs a proper introduction. But he decided that since he was learning Etiquette, he could do it anyway.

So he barged through a collection of high-level nobles and introduced himself to her, and said, "I want to make an Etiquette roll to impress her."

So, he is attempting to use a cross-class skill he has not in fact learned, in direct competition with several masters of the skill, having already misbehaved, in a high-stress environment, and would have had to roll an 8 or less (if he had the skill at all).

He rolled a 20. Critical fumble.

I said, "You compliment her beauty, look soulfully into her eyes, take her hand gently, bend over it, raise it to your lips, ... and f*rt."