Gamer Humor Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permission [Archive] - Page 2

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Anonymouswizard

2019-02-26, 12:45 PM

* There is no such thing as 'hobbit Steve Irwin's.
** 'just beautiful isn't it? Now these cave balrogs aren't as dangerous as the more well known mountain balrog...'

Rater202

2019-02-26, 01:08 PM

*I cannot tell the new guy about the time that we gave Hagrid a bunch of legendary pokemon in the earshot of the GM.

noob

2019-02-26, 01:13 PM

*I cannot tell the new guy about the time that we gave Hagrid a bunch of legendary pokemon in the earshot of the GM.

**I may not wonder why it was a bad idea.

Rater202

2019-02-26, 01:54 PM

**I may not wonder why it was a bad idea.

Oh boy, here I go killing again

*May not quote stuff from previous threads.
That's the funniest thing I've read all day.:smallsmile:

*If we're playing a mostly freeform Megacrossover Game where each person has an Omnitrix or one of it's variants and can take any sentient alien creature in addition to the ones from the Ben 10 franchise, I may not have Saiyan or Kryptonian Forms as part of my original 10.
**If I take the species that Captain Gantu from Lilo and Stitch is based on, I may not call that form "Lardass"
***Jumba's experiments are off limits for Alien Forms
****I may rename forms that Ben himself has.
*****"Lycanthrope" is an acceptable rename for Blitzwolfer. "Loud Puppy" is not.
******My Alien Forms must be more than just Beating Sticks.
*******If I take The Worst as an alien form, I can not rename him "Lardass"
********If I take "Equestrian Ponies" as an "Alien" each tribe counts as a diferant form.
*********No Alicorns.
**********As Digimon do not have DNA, nor have they methods of passing on geneitic information, I may not take one as an Alien Form. I'm not even sure how That'd work.
***********Okay, point made with Upgrade.
************If one of my forms is Raremon, I may not name that form "Lardass"
*************Nobody is allowed to have Asari-Period.
**************Okay, if Dimension hoping is happening, fantasy magic universes are okay sources for "aliens".
***************If one of my forms is a troll, I may not name it lardass.
****************No D&D style dragons unless your character is 12 or younger.
*****************Taking a Timelord form will not give you your own TARDIS.
******************Ys, if your Omnitrix has the DNA Repair Funtion, it'll prevent your Timelord Form from having it's DNA Rewritten if you're formed to Regenerate.
*******************Changing back to human does not reset your timelord forms Regenrations.
********************Okay, I'll buy Ultimate Timelords having infinite Regeneration Energy and short temporal jounts.
*********************You need one more flaw to ad the Evolutionary Function to your Omnitrix.
**********************I may not name my Timelord Form "Lardass".
***********************That doesn't even make sense.
************************I may desine U;timate Forms or Aliens, Ben 10 0r otherwise, that do not have them, but Such is subject to GM approval.
*************************Ultimate Troll is not the Tarrasque.
**************************I can not take one of Ben's ultimate forms as a regular Alien. Not even the ones that became real people.
***************************Ultimate Elves are not somehow more Androgenous than normal elves as their only change.

I Ended up with Acidwash(Juvenile Black Dragon), Warthide(Troll), Timelord(Self Explanatory), Lycanthrope(Renamed blitzwolfer), Aero Ace(Equestrian Pegasus), Shifter(uryuom), Tubaguts(Renamed The Worst), Humongusour, Fixit(Renamed Jury Rigg), Spiker(Argit's species). Five Ben 10 species, four strait from the watch, and 5 species from other works.

I'll keep you updated on how it goes.

*Just becuase I can turn into a timelord does not mean I'm mandated to bea timelord as often as posisble.
**The same applies to dragons
***I'm not to go "Ultimate" in every single fight.
****Seriously, normal Acidwash could have handled those mooks easily.

When the party includes a has transformed into "Bruiser" forms, I'm not to assume my tiny "thinker" form just to be contrary.

*I may not attempt to join the Justice League just to get Superman's DNA.
**Seriously, they have an age limit.
***And only accept permanent residents of the DC Universe.
****No, adding Green Martian and Atlantian to my "DNA gather list does not count as finding a better reason to join.

*In a Freeform mega crossover campaign, when one of the PCs somehow manages to become a Night Guard at Freddy Fazebear's Pizza, he is not allowed to reprogram the bots to sing the Power Rangers theme song.
**Nor can he let in one of the Other PCs to do it for him.
***Five PCs can not comfortably fit in that one room.
****Not even if half of them use their Omnitrices to turn into smaller forms.
*****Letting Jury Rig near haunted animatronics is a very bad Idea.
******Great, now they've been combined into a haunted miniature Voltron, happy know?
*******This does not look like a job for Superman!
********Not allowed to call my Kryptonian form Superman.
*********Not allowed to ask the GM what any of this has to do with collecting the DNA of sentient Species.
**********May not throw the book at the GM when the animatrons turn out to be clockwork droids haunted by specters born from the fear and rage of the children murdered to provide their organics.
***********We are to wait until after we destroy the haunted clockwork droid voltron and then safely exited the building before we torch the place.

I swear to God, I'm not making that up.

*I am to remember that there are better solutions to most of my problems then "turn into a dragon".
**Those other solutions are not "turn into a hyper evolved dragon bred for War"
***The fact that I have 22 other forms is somehow relevant to this discussion.

*After burning down the haunted pizzeria we were hired to guard, and the owners call the cops on us after we destroyed the evidence that it was haunted, I'm not to convince the cops to leave by turning into a Green Martian and threatening them with "The Probe".
**I'm not allowed to turn into Fixit(Jury Rig) for the sake of building guns in the basement.
***The fact that I'm in two completely unrelated games playing as a preteen that builds functional firearms in his basement says an awful lot about me, doesn't it?

*Under no circumstances is my Necromancer allowed to travel to a near Identical but alternate version of Equestria where the point of divergence is some great but unavoidable catastrophe, befriend the mane 6, convince them to allow themselves to be turned into Dracopyres* and then convince them to let my necromancer use them as Loci when he becomes a Lich.**
**Just because this is a mega crossover game does not mean I can use magic and or technology that alters my body and soul to give myself any of the following powers: Sharingan, Byakugan, Mangekyo Sharingan, Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan, Rinnegan, Rinne Sharingan, Tenseigan, Unlimited Blade Works, Complete Immortality, omnipotence, or meat vision.
***Okay, just because my necromancer managed to combine the Sharingan and Byakugan in himself does not mean he can combine their most potent forms.
****I need a more Creative Name than "Rinnetenseigan"***
*****Just because all the Pcs now have ungodly powers of their own does not mean they can stop using their Omnitrices.
******I may not give mine to Dracopyre Twilight.
*******Azmuth will not build six more just for my pony-lici-getting him to put an evolutionary feature in mine in the first place was hard enough.
********May not use My Dracopyre Pony Loci as my six Paths
*********May not use Asura Path to absorb my Omnitrix allowing both myself and my Asura Path to use it simultaneously.
**********Dracopyre Pinke Pie can not be my Asura Path. She's dangerous enough without built in missiles.
***********MAy not have Asura Path turn into Greymatter and try to work the master control on mine.
************Seriously, no master control.
*************We are so far of the rails right now, guys.
**************I'm not allowed to make fantasy/scifi geeks as pcs anymore.
***************Seriously, the twelve year old geek with the ponies should not be the most terrifying PC.

Mega Crossover games get weird fast.

*A mixture of dragon, Vampire, and Werewolf. The original, Wolfwing, was a Werepyre that was half dragon on top of that, but the rest of them are more even mixtures. hybrid nature results in diluted power, so a young dracopye is no stronger than a vampire or werewolf of the same age, but they'll be significantly more powerful after a few centuries.
**In AQ, a Lich is a necromancer who turns themselves into any kind of sentient free willed undead and then rips out and binds part of their anima, life force(not soul) to objects to create phylacteries. a Locus is an other undead creature being used as a phylactery.
***The Strongest Form of the Sharingan is the Rinnegan-Rinne is the japanese word for Samsara, the cycle of Reincarnation believed in by Hindus and Buddhists. The ultimate form of the Byakugan is called Tenseigan, and tensei literally means reincarnation. So "Rinnetenseigan" literally means "cycle of Reincarnation reincarnation eye"

*My twelve year old Rinnegan+Tenseian wielding, ultimatrix bearing, dracopyre pony phylactery/path having, master necromancer -lich can not use the groups dimensional travel device to head to gallifrey hours before or after the Doctor stole his TARDIS and grab one of the other TARDIS's that were in that Junkyard just so my Timelord Form can have a TARDIS.
**Especially since ultimate Timelord's can travel through time just fine without one.
***Species with native magical powers disrupt learned magic, so assuming them leaves you unable to use spells or chakra.
****The fact that Acid Wash is a Dracolich now means I have no excuse for complaining about that.

The scary part is, even though mine is the scariest, mine is not the most dangerous.

*Adding House Elves to the list of sentient species in our Omnitrices is a permissible reason for going to Hogwarts
**At least we'll actually be doing what the game was set out to do this time.
***May not bribe Professor Mcgonagall with catnip when we get caught breaking into the castle.
****Just because as a Lich with 6 Dracopyre Loci means Im immortal does not mean I can offer to use Rinne Tensei to resurrect all of the ghosts.
*****May not use Juken to make Sir Nicholas all the way headless.
******You idn't even take the time to learn Juken while you were there, dumbass.
*******May not us my omnitrix's jailbroken DNA scan function in order to make myself a HP style Wizard on top of all the other stuff.
********No one else is allowed to do so either.
*********May not steal the Elder Wand from Dumbledore.
**********MAy not let Dracopyre Rarity wreck havoc with the students' wardrobes
***********Or the staff's.
************I don't want to know how she managed to get that dress to stay on the Bloody Baron.
*************"Wait, which book are we in, timeline wise" was the first thing we should have asked.
**************Just because my PC has read all seven books and thus knows exactly what's under the Turban does not mean he can barge into the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, rip said turban off, and Brag to Tommy-boy that "I did it better"
***************May not introduce Dracopyre Fluttershy to Fluffy.
****************MAy introduce her to Hagrid at my own risk.
*****************No matter how much she begs, I may not use the jail broken DNA scanner to copy the magic genes into Dracopyre Twilight Sparkle.
******************She's already got all three kinds of Pony Magic, Lorean Magic, Ninjutsu and Genjutsu,the powers of the Deva Path, and she controls the Truth Seeker Spheres when you enter Tenseigan Chakra Mode. She doesn't need anymore kinds of magic.
*******************May not have her enrolled as a Hogwarts Student.
********************The whole Metal Connection due to the Six Path's technique thing sort of makes the Sorting hard.
*********************Griffonslytherpuffleclaw is not a Hogwarts house.
**********************When the other PCs decide to steal the Philosopher's stone themselves, may not neglect to remind them that the Mirror of Erised will stop them from getting it.
***********************"We already screwed up the timeline" is no excuse for murdering Dolores Umbridge.
************************Especially since "She's Umbridge" is the only excuse I need.
*************************May not trap Vapourmort in a jar and force him to open the Chamber of Secrets, just so I can subjugate the Basalisk and turn it into an Animal Path Summon.
**************************Though Admittedly, using Rinnegan Illusions combined with The Stare to subdue it was a genius plan.
***************************Since we've apparently decided "f*** canon", I should break Serious Black out of Azkaban 2 years early after capturing Wormtail.
****************************...GM call, Dementors aren't sapient enough to qualify for the Omnitrix.
*****************************May not kill Vernon Dursley in broad daylight in the middle of his office.
******************************May not let Dracopyre Applejack loose in the Orchards around the Burrow and forget her there. More than once.
*******************************Turning into Acid Wash where Hagrid could see was a horribly irresponsible thing to do.
********************************May not take advantage of DP Fluttershy's friendship with Hagrid to ask for an escort to meet Aragog, for the sole purpose of adding Acromantulas to the repertoire of species in my Omnitrix.
*********************************While that is why Azmuth sent us on this trip through the omniverse, the fact that I only want is so that DP Rarity can make nice clothing out of Acromantula silk is, while a nice gesture to one of the horrifically traumatized ponies I've befriended, a rather trivial use of that technology.
**********************************Ultimate Acromantulas do not have silk that is 10 times as fancy when used to make clothes.
***********************************Wait, where have DP Pinkie Pie and DP Rainbow Dash been while we were doing all of this?
************************************Letting those two meet and team up with the Weasley Twins was a horribly irresponsible thing to do.
*************************************"I lost track of them" is no excuse when I can see out of their eyes.
**************************************I'm lucky that the castle is still there.
***************************************The Party is over when the Auror's show up.
****************************************They showed up becuase you broke Sirius Black out of prison and never got around to proving his innocence.
*****************************************May not duel three Dozen Aurors and Hit Wizards to a standstill.
******************************************Should probably go down the trap door and get the others before they starve to death trying to figure out how to get the Stone out of the Mirror.
*******************************************May not retroactively declare the plan to add House Elves to our list of species "Operation: Cluster****
********************************************May not use Genjutsu to successfully sue the Ministry of Magic for false arrested and assault.
*********************************************Point ing out that my 12 year old PC is nowhere near the most powerful or the most insane made Dumbledore piss himself. When we make somebody on Dumbledore's level pisses himself, it's time to tone things down.
**********************************************May not insist on getting a Gringotts Goblin in the watches before leaving. We had a chance to do that and we blew it.

This is the most fun I've ever had in rules light game, and I swear I'm not making any of this up.

It was in this hotmess. I'd have had more but this was all the forum let me quote.

Imbalance

2019-02-26, 03:58 PM

*Forthwith, I am forbidden to ask the DM if the dragon has lair actions.
**"He does now."
***My city watch background will not be advantageous in this encounter.
****The dragon will not submit to arrest.
*****Even if the manacles could conceivably bind his thumbs.
******There is no point in soliciting a bribe.
*******As we have been dutifully charged with the slaying of said dragon, the actual means of killing him shall not be considered police brutality.

Guizonde

2019-02-27, 03:10 PM

* there is no such thing as gnomish battle vuvuzelas.
** no, they don't require AAA batteries and a 675 page user manual.
*** quit telling the bard tall tales to make him drool on the table.
**** again.

* roller skates don't exist in pathfinder, no matter how many gnomes, artificers, engineers, or wizards i bribe.
** if by some miracle i create roller skates, i may not immediately transform them into rocket roller skates and strap them to livestock.
*** "but c'mon, it'd be frickin' hilarious!" is not a valid argument in favor of terminal velocity bull charges.

* cow bombs? i'm gonna get fragged by like, ALL the druids.
** the only way to weaponize livestock is to add battle barding to them. not use them as trebuchet ammo.
*** despite historical precedent.
**** do i have weapon proficiency "siege weaponry"? no? no trebuchet, livestock ammo, or cow bombs. end of discussion.
***** ESPECIALLY INDOORS!!

by the way, this character is supposed to be chaotic good. not chaotic collateral damage, sez the dm

PopeLinus1

2019-02-27, 04:28 PM

*I may no longer create Coffee-lock NPC's.
*I Definitely may not create a Coffee-lock PC
*And I "Definitely" may not stitch the two of them to create a PC/NPC hybrid with (2x)unlimited spell slots.

Guizonde

2019-02-27, 06:01 PM

* rocket launchers are not "standard military dress" and under no circumstance will that warrant a court-martial.
** even if the warmaster of the group went into a warzone with only a pistol.
*** giving him my shotgun and calling his .50 cal pea-shooter derogatory names for being underpowered is just too much insult to his overblown ego.
**** unfortunately, my wit does not have a weapon stat block.

Pauly

2019-02-28, 04:43 AM

** if by some miracle i create roller skates, i may not immediately transform them into rocket roller skates and strap them to livestock.
*** "but c'mon, it'd be frickin' hilarious!" is not a valid argument in favor of terminal velocity bull charges.

* cow bombs? i'm gonna get fragged by like, ALL the druids.
** the only way to weaponize livestock is to add battle barding to them. not use them as trebuchet ammo.
*** despite historical precedent.
**** do i have weapon proficiency "siege weaponry"? no? no trebuchet, livestock ammo, or cow bombs. end of discussion.
***** ESPECIALLY INDOORS!!

by the way, this character is supposed to be chaotic good. not chaotic collateral damage, sez the dm

Antigonus II Gonatus deems your character to be an amateur.

https://www.militaryfactory.com/ancient-warfare/detail.asp?ancient_id=incendiary-pig

Guizonde

2019-03-01, 02:00 AM

Antigonus II Gonatus deems your character to be an amateur.

https://www.militaryfactory.com/ancient-warfare/detail.asp?ancient_id=incendiary-pig

you are awesome. that is all.

Telok

2019-03-01, 02:42 PM

* I am no longer allowed to refer to the "Curse of Strahd" D&D adventure as 'a low budget Paranoia ripoff'.

** Certainly not allowed to name D&D characters something like 'FireFred-BURN-3'.

*** May no longer win at D&D by referencing old horror movies, TvTropes horror movies pages, and setting everything on fire.

**** The backup vat of acid, because there are sure to be fire immune enemies, should not exceed 9 cubic yards and should not be more effective than half the party at solving social encounters.

noob

2019-03-01, 03:30 PM

JMS

2019-03-01, 04:39 PM

***** You should not have a second back up that is the equivalent of high explosive and a third back up which is just a way to create a gate from the sea of holy water to the place with stuff to flood

****** Bags of flour? Sure. Flour dust clouds, okay... Sparks and a google search? no.
http://www.mnopedia.org/event/washburn-mill-explosion-1878

Rater202

2019-03-01, 06:41 PM

*Any plan that's dependant on eating thousands of souls probably doesn't leave me as the good guy.

John Campbell

2019-03-02, 03:21 AM

*There is no dwarven mining company named DeBeerds in DnD using strong arm tactics to control the world diamond supply and artificially inflate their prices.
They're doing it for the greater good! There's a finite amount of diamond, especially easily accessible diamond, on the Prime Material, and every time someone casts a raise dead, resurrection, or restoration spell, some of it is permanently and irrevocably destroyed. But the amount needed for material components is determined by value, not by mass, so by artificially inflating the price of diamond, DeBeerds reduces the actual amount of it required for casting spells, and so helps to stave off "peak diamond".

DeBeerds also sponsors most of the legendary dwarven gemcutters, whose art likewise increases the price per weight of diamond.

Next time you die, and the cleric only needs a couple of fancy cut stones to bring you back instead of a bushel basket full of carbon gravel, you can thank DeBeerds.

Anonymouswizard

2019-03-02, 04:30 AM

* Animal sacrifices do not increase the power of Cleric spells.
** Or grant bonus spell slots.
*** May no longer use the sacrifices as a substitute Rogue.
**** Or to draw enemies away.
***** Or as an explosive delivery system.
****** Or as cover.
******* Or as flankers.
******** I may no longer buy 200 goats before going to the dungeon.

noob

2019-03-02, 05:58 AM

Guizonde

2019-03-02, 07:19 AM

****** Bags of flour? Sure. Flour dust clouds, okay... Sparks and a google search? no.
http://www.mnopedia.org/event/washburn-mill-explosion-1878

no kidding, i actually employed that to get out of an encounter that went pear-shaped for us. we were playing whfrp2e and were in a bakery: on one side, nurgle cultists. on the other, and blocking the exit, a plaguebearer. judging our chances as "nil", i kicked up a flour dust storm and lit my lighter, judging "catastrophic explosion and firestorm" as slightly less lethal than our current predicament. we didn't get out intact, but we managed to run out of a blown-out wall singed, sore, and alive. the cultists died on the spot, and the plaguebearer chased us slowly for a few turns before disappearing back into the winds of magic.

the dm was so impressed he didn't even ban that tactic, he really thought we were about to tpk.

******** I may no longer buy 200 goats before going to the dungeon.

********* buying 10000 chickens is not valid either.

that, however, i am banned. just like i'm banned most animal summons, over traps or not. now, this isn't me, but it was from a teammate.

*summoning blue whales in tight dungeon corridors to shut off pursuit? not fair play at all. also alignment shifts.

Anonymouswizard

2019-03-02, 02:37 PM

no kidding, i actually employed that to get out of an encounter that went pear-shaped for us. we were playing whfrp2e and were in a bakery: on one side, nurgle cultists. on the other, and blocking the exit, a plaguebearer. judging our chances as "nil", i kicked up a flour dust storm and lit my lighter, judging "catastrophic explosion and firestorm" as slightly less lethal than our current predicament. we didn't get out intact, but we managed to run out of a blown-out wall singed, sore, and alive. the cultists died on the spot, and the plaguebearer chased us slowly for a few turns before disappearing back into the winds of magic.

the dm was so impressed he didn't even ban that tactic, he really thought we were about to tpk.

that, however, i am banned. just like i'm banned most animal summons, over traps or not. now, this isn't me, but it was from a teammate.

*summoning blue whales in tight dungeon corridors to shut off pursuit? not fair play at all. also alignment shifts.

As a general rule I've found out that pulling out such tactics when a tpk looks likely not only doesn't get them banned, but also gives them a decent chance of succeeding. However pulling out such tactics when everything is fine results in shifty looks, and the plan either banned or stopped working via something that you didn't know about but of course was there all along.

Rater202

2019-03-02, 05:37 PM

*Taking your adopted daughter to murder the people who recently pissed the two you off doesn't count as a mother-daughter picknick.
**Not even if you're planning to eat them after you kill them.

danielxcutter

2019-03-02, 06:15 PM

They're doing it for the greater good! There's a finite amount of diamond, especially easily accessible diamond, on the Prime Material, and every time someone casts a raise dead, resurrection, or restoration spell, some of it is permanently and irrevocably destroyed. But the amount needed for material components is determined by value, not by mass, so by artificially inflating the price of diamond, DeBeerds reduces the actual amount of it required for casting spells, and so helps to stave off "peak diamond".

DeBeerds also sponsors most of the legendary dwarven gemcutters, whose art likewise increases the price per weight of diamond.

Next time you die, and the cleric only needs a couple of fancy cut stones to bring you back instead of a bushel basket full of carbon gravel, you can thank DeBeerds.

Well, Plane Shifting to the Elemental Plane of Earth could work...

Reltzik

2019-03-03, 01:21 AM

* If I contract to harvest dragon parts for components, the dragon should probably be dead first.
** I would be wise not to go after parts from the two oldest dragons on the planet.
*** I probably shouldn't make befriending the dragons my opening move.
**** If I do, I should not prioritize befriending the red dragon over the gold.
***** Neither should the party paladin.
****** Getting brought into the invitation-only magical long-range chat network (thanks magic rings) between these two dragons and a top-tier campaign villain is not ideal dragon-part-harvesting strategy.
******* I should not freak out said red dragon so much that that I get a permanent bonus to intimidate against him.
******** That goes double for freaking out the red dragon WHEN HE'S STONED.
********* It is both bad dragon-harvesting strategy and bad dragon-befriending strategy to occupy a superposition between "too useful to eat" and "too irritating not to eat" titled "Shroedinger's squishy wizard".
********** At no point should I actually TELL the great wyrm red dragon that I have a contract to collect one of his body parts.
*********** If I drone on and on and on about it long enough over our communication rings, the red dragon will not teleport to my position, pluck out his own eyeball, hand it too me, get regeneration cast on him, and teleport away just to avoid further irritation.
************ HOW THE HELL DID THAT WORK????
************* Wizards are no longer allowed to have +43 to diplomacy checks at level 15 (pathfinder).
************* The next(!) time I have a great wyrm red dragon teleport into the heavily-armed military camp of my host (also a befriended top-tier villain) on a peaceful mission of organ donation, I AM TO GIVE MY HOST WARNING.
************* Though it's a proven strategy in this campaign, "Unpredictable people are hard to assassinate" does not come anywhere near fully explaining why I'm not dead yet.

dspeyer

2019-03-03, 04:08 AM

* I am no longer allowed to refer to the "Curse of Strahd" D&D adventure as 'a low budget Paranoia ripoff'.

** Certainly not allowed to name D&D characters something like 'FireFred-BURN-3'.

* When DMing D&D 3.5, I may not announce character death with "Friend Computer activates your next clone"
** Unless it's Tomb of Horrors -- then it's just a sensible time-saver.

i actually employed that to get out of an encounter that went pear-shaped for us. we were playing whfrp2e and were in a bakery...

* When DMing, if my players unexpectedly break into a shop, I will not ask them what sort of shop it is
** If they say "a bakery", I will not just run with it
*** If I do, I will worry more about flour storage, and less about setting-appropriate pastries
**** Seriously, though, what kind of pastries do you make when your only convenient fats are olives and walnuts? I never did figure it out.

(both from actual games I DMed)

JAL_1138

2019-03-03, 07:27 AM

* When DMing D&D 3.5, I may not announce character death with "Friend Computer activates your next clone"
** Unless it's Tomb of Horrors -- then it's just a sensible time-saver.

* When DMing, if my players unexpectedly break into a shop, I will not ask them what sort of shop it is
** If they say "a bakery", I will not just run with it
*** If I do, I will worry more about flour storage, and less about setting-appropriate pastries
**** Seriously, though, what kind of pastries do you make when your only convenient fats are olives and walnuts? I never did figure it out.

(both from actual games I DMed)

You can use olive oil instead of butter in quite a lot of pastry. Puff pastry would be difficult (albeit probably not impossible), but pie crusts, cookies, cakes, etc. are all options. Walnut oil probably would work about the same.

I’m very curious about a place large enough to have multiple shops, but has no access to animal fats. No butter, ok, no dairy critters. But surely there’s some kind of critter with fat on it that could be used for cooking.

Anonymouswizard

2019-03-03, 07:33 AM

You can use olive oil instead of butter in quite a lot of pastry. Puff pastry would be difficult (albeit probably not impossible), but pie crusts, cookies, cakes, etc. are all options. Walnut oil probably would work about the same.

* If my list of banned topics include physics, chemistry, narrative structure, and baking, I am to tone down the shenanigans.

Guizonde

2019-03-03, 02:24 PM

* If my list of banned topics include physics, chemistry, narrative structure, and baking, I am to tone down the shenanigans.

weakling. i got "kicks and giggles" banned by a very psychorigid dm. good thing most dm's i play with actually enjoy my shenanigans.

... except that one time with the exploding goat demon, but frankly, that was an accident.

Telok

2019-03-03, 03:16 PM

weakling. i got "kicks and giggles" banned by a very psychorigid dm. good thing most dm's i play with actually enjoy my shenanigans.

... except that one time with the exploding goat demon, but frankly, that was an accident.

I needed an encounter for a Dungeons the Dragoning 40k game today. Now I need to stat up exploding goat demons.

Thank you.

Rater202

2019-03-03, 03:46 PM

*The phrase "My Only Weapon is Love" should not fill the Players with Terror.

noob

2019-03-03, 03:49 PM

*The phrase "My Only Weapon is Love" should not fill the Players with Terror.
** If a player is feeling terror when having less than 50 weapons on itself then maybe you should not ask how many weapons his character is using.
***If the answer is "I lost count here read the excell spreadsheet" or "My only weapon is love" then the gm is not supposed to be scared either.

Guizonde

2019-03-03, 05:12 PM

I needed an encounter for a Dungeons the Dragoning 40k game today. Now I need to stat up exploding goat demons.

Thank you.

i'm not saying you shouldn't have exploding goat demons in your game. all i'm saying is if you encounter a greater demon lord bound inside the body of an irate goat, don't feed it consecrated gunpowder and holy alchemist's fire to solve the problem is what i'm saying.

my group's paladin still hates me for that stunt, especially since whenever i pop explosives in pathfinder, it tends to solve most pesky problems like ecounters, interrogations, chase sequences, or the plot. the fact that this one time it actually worsened the problem is really unfortunate, and as stated before, an accident. i only had 5 lbs of gunpowder to feed the malevolent goat.

noob

2019-03-03, 05:36 PM

i'm not saying you shouldn't have exploding goat demons in your game. all i'm saying is if you encounter a greater demon lord bound inside the body of an irate goat, don't feed it consecrated gunpowder and holy alchemist's fire to solve the problem is what i'm saying.

my group's paladin still hates me for that stunt, especially since whenever i pop explosives in pathfinder, it tends to solve most pesky problems like ecounters, interrogations, chase sequences, or the plot. the fact that this one time it actually worsened the problem is really unfortunate, and as stated before, an accident. i only had 5 lbs of gunpowder to feed the malevolent goat.
For plot there is a paladin spell that involves less explosions than explosives yet allows swift evasion from plot.

danielxcutter

2019-03-04, 05:05 AM

*I may not use If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device (https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyiDf91_bTEgnBN0jAvzNbqzrlMGID5WA) as inspiration for WH40K games.

Anonymouswizard

2019-03-04, 09:09 AM

*I may not use If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device (https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyiDf91_bTEgnBN0jAvzNbqzrlMGID5WA) as inspiration for WH40K games.

** May not insist that it's the actual canon, especially if I'm not the GM.
*** Especially as I know that the Fabulous Custodes have finally been retconned.

John Campbell

2019-03-04, 05:10 PM

Well, Plane Shifting to the Elemental Plane of Earth could work...

And crash the price of diamonds with infinite supply, thus ensuring that no one can get resurrected, because no one can carry enough diamonds to do it? Stopping things like that is exactly why DeBeerds exists!

* I am not allowed to talk about economics.

Rater202

2019-03-04, 05:30 PM

Anonymouswizard

2019-03-04, 06:37 PM

* May no longer skimp on resurrections by attempting to use graphite instead of diamonds.

Braininthejar2

2019-03-05, 08:35 AM

noob

2019-03-05, 09:54 AM

*May not propose a setting where there are innately an infinite amount of diamonds with their value being set based on a unit that is measurd as "how many diamonds does it cost to riase, ressurect, and true ressurect someone.

Even if there is an infinity of diamonds the cost of getting the diamonds within your hands is not zero so even if diamond was as common as dirt the cost of getting a small mountain of diamonds within your hands would be superior to the cost of the fancy Resurrection and so you could perform it with those diamonds that have the extra value of being usable for casting the spell due to being in your hands.
At worst you can just add artistic value on the diamonds by paying 25000 gp for an artist to just sit near a furnace and melt the gold coins for "getting inspiration" in deciding how to cut the diamonds.

TheTeaMustFlow

2019-03-05, 09:56 PM

* The concepts "reckless, enraged grizzly bear" and "nonlethal attack" are not compatible.

Rater202

2019-03-05, 10:25 PM

I can't start as a carp-totem lunar and become a dragon totem by climbing to the top of a waterfall.

Lord Raziere

2019-03-05, 11:41 PM

* My Lunar is not a literal social butterfly
** Iscomay is not "Bear Flavored Realm"
*** His name is "Ul of the Burning Eye" not "Old Man Genocide Lunar", he gets annoyed when you call him that, stop it.
**** no matter how accurate a descriptor that actually is.

* I am not a fan of Raksi, she eats babies!
** Yes she has made one of the greatest most advanced cities of the second age with running water, education, bureaucracy, a standing army, districts and so on, but she still eats babies!
*** Yes Raksi is a massive troll and its hilarious but SHE STILL EATS BABIES!
**** Eating babies is not allowed to be a plus in my book. No matter how annoying babies are.
***** "whats so bad about Raksi?" is not a question I should ever ask again.

* I am not to hug The Caul and call it an adorable landchild.
** the fact that its Gaias and Lunas love child is beside the point, its still a dangerous ever shifting landscape.
*** I am not to constantly introduce everyone to Sha'a Oka by shouting "ATTENTION EVERYONE! IIIITS TIME FOR....HIS! DIVINE! LUUUUNAAAAR PRESEEEEENCE!!" unless it before a crowd he is to make a speech.

* May not constantly quote "Whoever fights with monsters should see to it that he does not become a monster in the process. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you." during Silver Pact meetings
** No matter how accurate it is about the Silver Pact.

Personification

2019-03-06, 12:07 AM

I can't start as a carp-totem lunar and become a dragon totem by climbing to the top of a waterfall.

https://i.imgur.com/qW8nNj9.gif?noredirect

Rater202

2019-03-06, 12:11 AM

https://i.imgur.com/qW8nNj9.gif?noredirect

imgur blocked GITP, so...

Darth Tom

2019-03-06, 08:01 AM

You can use olive oil instead of butter in quite a lot of pastry. Puff pastry would be difficult (albeit probably not impossible), but pie crusts, cookies, cakes, etc. are all options. Walnut oil probably would work about the same.

I’m very curious about a place large enough to have multiple shops, but has no access to animal fats. No butter, ok, no dairy critters. But surely there’s some kind of critter with fat on it that could be used for cooking.

Some sort of vegan society might not. Certainly could apply to some flavours (heh) of elves or potentially human societies too.

Lord Torath

2019-03-06, 09:28 AM

imgur blocked GITP, so...An animated image of a MagiCarp (MagicKarp?) Magikarp evolving into Rakydos Gyarados (water dragon). I''m certain a pokemon expert can set me straight if I'm mistaken. Thanks to TheTeaMustFlow for setting me straight!

TheTeaMustFlow

2019-03-06, 01:55 PM

An animated image of a MagiCarp (MagicKarp?) evolving into Rakydos (water dragon). I''m certain a pokemon expert can set me straight if I'm mistaken.

Almost - Magikarp evolving into Gyarados.

x1372

2019-03-06, 05:05 PM

* My initial description of D&D to newcomers should not be "the game where I got knocked out by a table and then killed by a rug" even if that happened. Especially if that happened.

* If I am given a magic crystal that ultimately wiped out an island nation, I should ask more questions when given a second crystal. Especially if I am neither evil nor chaotic.

* If my wizard deals direct damage precisely one time when going from levels 4 to 10, I am doing something very, very wrong.

* If a 5e halfling re-rolls a natural 1 on a perception check and rolls a 1 again, he has not, in fact, gone blind.

* A recap of the previous session for a player who missed it should take significantly less time than the session itself.

* Getting turned to stone by a basilisk is not "Karma" for stealing the paladin's kills.

* Just because you think you've triggered every single trap in the campaign so far doesn't mean you should give up attempting to solve the puzzles.

* A performance check of 25 to play the "Ghostbusters" theme still does not have a significant effect on the combat when fighting a ghost.

* Deciding how to spend 10 starting GP should not take up the lion's share of character creation.

* Attempting to intimidate a dragon after missing it three times in a row is unlikely to have much effect. Especially at level 1.

* If our party's inability to focus fire on enemies turned the last 3 encounters into near TPKs, The first round of the next combat probably shouldn't complete without a single player attacking the same enemy as the player before them.

Anonymouswizard

2019-03-06, 05:12 PM

* Johnsons do not connect with Shadowrunners over online dating sites.

DeTess

2019-03-06, 06:02 PM

* Johnsons do not connect with Shadowrunners over online dating sites.

**My character shouldn't be better at being a Johnson than the actual Johnson.
***Not even when the actual Johnson is either malicious or incompetent.
****Reusing that character as the Johnson for pretty much every oneshot I end up GMing afterwards is pretty much fine though.

Anonymouswizard

2019-03-06, 06:23 PM

**My character shouldn't be better at being a Johnson than the actual Johnson.
***Not even when the actual Johnson is either malicious or incompetent.
****Reusing that character as the Johnson for pretty much every oneshot I end up GMing afterwards is pretty much fine though.

Fun fact, the only Shadowrun campaign I have run so far included not a single betrayal by the Johnson. There was one or two cases of Johnsons not having or giving all the information, but for the most part they were honest.

It worked brilliantly, made the players even more paranoid waiting for the betrayal.

DeTess

2019-03-06, 06:34 PM

Fun fact, the only Shadowrun campaign I have run so far included not a single betrayal by the Johnson. There was one or two cases of Johnsons not having or giving all the information, but for the most part they were honest.

It worked brilliantly, made the players even more paranoid waiting for the betrayal.

Yeah, I tend to have my Johnsons be mostly on the up-and-up as well. If you can't trust them at least 90% of the time, there's no reason to deal with them at all, and it makes the betrayals that do happen hit harder, rather than just being another 'sudden yet inevitable betrayal'.

Anonymouswizard

2019-03-06, 06:47 PM

Yeah, I tend to have my Johnsons be mostly on the up-and-up as well. If you can't trust them at least 90% of the time, there's no reason to deal with them at all, and it makes the betrayals that do happen hit harder, rather than just being another 'sudden yet inevitable betrayal'.

It's actually rather obviously how they're supposed to be run (at least in 3e, I dropped 5e after noticing the game had shifted more towards promoting Pink Mohawk). I mean, in a one shot the betrayal is expected, it's much more shocking to me there if the Johnson is completely honest and keeps their end of the bargain, but in an ongoing campaign you actually need the ability to trust your Johnsons. Especially as I like to buy a few contacts, and will usually have somebody marked as a regular Johnson. Deckmeister or Mechanic, Fixer, Friend on the Force, Johnson, Friend in a Mega, others, that's my normal priority in contacts.

Honestly got an itch to try out vehicle riggers next time I play Shadowrun, my feckers normally have a modded car or bike but having a host of souped up vehicles and a control rig sounds like fun

JAL_1138

2019-03-06, 07:25 PM

**My character shouldn't be better at being a Johnson than the actual Johnson.
***Not even when the actual Johnson is either malicious or incompetent.
****Reusing that character as the Johnson for pretty much every oneshot I end up GMing afterwards is pretty much fine though.

*****Absolutely may not name my character “Johnson” just to create confusion in discussions.
******My character, Johnson, must understand what the term “Johnson” means in Shadowrun and not be constantly confused about it.
*******My character named Johnson must adopt a runner-name and cease answering to Johnson, and must do so without any kvetching along the lines of “Why do I have to change my name, when you could just call the employer ‘Smith’ instead?”

Rater202

2019-03-06, 10:20 PM

*May not routinely kill and rob the Johnsons after each run while making it look like a suicide.

noob

2019-03-08, 02:36 AM

*May not routinely kill and rob the Johnsons after each run while making it look like a suicide.

** This is not because I am supposed to kill and rob the Johnson before the run for not being inevitably betrayed.
*** If the Johnson attacks you before giving you a mission technically it is not a betrayal.

Rater202

2019-03-11, 11:14 PM

*I can't play a Dragonborn of Bahamut who uses a ring of regeneration to survive repeatedly skinning myself alive to slowly outfit the king's guard with dragonscale armor.

Khaiel

2019-03-13, 07:58 AM

*: "Killmarine" is not an allowed choice of weapon when challanged to a duel.
**: The same goes for Orbital Bombardment.
***: If I challenge someone to a duel and they choose swords for weapons I may not then choose guns.
****: If I ask for the right to be represented by a Champion, it is generally understood that said Champion will be a duellist of some kind, and not an Errant Imperial Knight.
*****: The Errant Knight's name is not Shinji.
******: The voices in his head do not, in fact, tell him to "GET IN THE EMPEROR-DAMNED KNIGHT!"
*******: I am not allowed to give "useful notes" to the Tech Priest player that turn out to be extremely lame puns about programming jargon.
********: The Rite of Awakening for an ancient Dreadnought does not consist of shouting "HEY YOU DUMB****, IT'S ALREADY PAST NOON, GET YOUR LIFE TOGETHER!"

I love playing Rogue Trader.

Guizonde

2019-03-13, 11:56 AM

I love playing Rogue Trader.

rogue trader: 50% scamming idiots, 50% pant-wetting terror. 100% fun.

Anonymouswizard

2019-03-13, 02:37 PM

* I must stop complaining about the cost of a (dumb) mobile phone.
** No, it is not stupid that implanted fingerblades cost less.
*** If we're going to play in the future-80s I am to accept the weird pricing.

Guizonde

2019-03-13, 04:00 PM

* no telling the newbie player that bribing the dm "like, totally works dude. bring beer".
** no giving the newbie player "dutch courage" until he's completely sloshed.
*** even if he does become the most effective member of the group.
**** the fact that nobody understands what he's slurring is, in fact, detrimental to the cohesion of the group and it's efficacy.
***** despite proof of the contrary.

session zero of the campaign. we've got our usual suspects: VN, farren, and kaht. we've got VB as backup. if you binge the quotes thread, you'll find that VN is a doctor that solves his problems with c4, farren shoots through the fourth wall, kaht founded monsanto and VB is an extreme omnivore and a pc-controlled blunt weapon. of our two new players, one can't hold his drink, the other took a backseat to understand the universe. i guess the newbie tried to out-YOLO the usual suspects. he actually decapitated 4 people using a plastic door. the rest of the group just high-fived him and egged him on. i can't wait for the quotes and banned things this group will come up with. yes, we're all above drinking age. yes, we've got the impulse control of 12 year olds in a candy shop. no, we've got no concept of restraint, subtlety, or sensible ideas.

Anonymouswizard

2019-03-13, 04:42 PM

* no telling the newbie player that bribing the dm "like, totally works dude. bring beer".

I've actually had a GM give out a pre-campaign questionaire (part of which was used to generate characters), which included the question 'willingness to brine GM (rate from one to ten)'.

I've had another group were bribing the GM was considered acceptable, but the GM was supposed to spread the reward amongst the group. In practice it worked more like 'GM doesn't buy their beer', but there were occasional trips to the bar to avoid TPK.

TrashTrash

2019-03-13, 07:02 PM

* I may not spam my Intimidate in every situation, no matter how good my bonuses are.
** I also may not attempt to lie to lie detectors, no matter how good my bonuses are.

* I may not frame plot-relevant NPCs for crimes committed by my character, because the DM doesn't like to RP jailed shopkeepers screaming for justice every time we walk through a town.
** I may not insult nobility or city officials in Halfling, even if the person I'm insulting has no idea what I'm saying.
*** "I begin to meditate upside down" is not a valid use of an action in combat... anymore.

* I may not sell objects and then steal them back from the shop owner.
** I may not start arguments with fellow party members over whether or not they should organize their belongings in reverse alphabetical order, especially if my belongings are not organized that way.
*** I may not swear loudly at angry dragons in Halfling.

Rater202

2019-03-13, 07:55 PM

*I can't challenge the devil to a round of Guitar Hero for the fate of the party's souls.

CrazyPenguin

2019-03-14, 07:33 AM

*I can't challenge the devil to a round of Guitar Hero for the fate of the party's souls.
Yeah, he prefers the fiddle.

*I will not be the party face if I have Charisma 7
**Especially when the Charisma 20 sorcerer is standing right next to me

*I will not jump into the mouth of a purple worm
**Not even if I can explode once I'm inside
***Especially if I'm needed to pilot our crab mech to fight the worm

*If I find the barbarian lying in a pool of his own blood, I will heal him
**Saying "Wow, sucks to be him" and walking past is not the same as healing

*I will not stalk other party members

*I will not cast shatter on stealth missions

*I am not allowed to use the mayonnaise function of an alchemy jug

*My animal companion is not the party's leader
**Nor is she the captain of our crab mech
***Not even if I get her awakened
****My awakened animal companion is not "just a way to say all of my out-of-character insults in-character"

*"The barbarian's face" is not an adequate replacement for a rogue
**"You're right, we need his arms to break down doors" is not the issue here
***"Having the barbarian go first" and "checking for traps" are not the same thing, period

Guizonde

2019-03-14, 11:57 AM

*"Having the barbarian go first" and "checking for traps" are not the same thing, period

** goes for throwing live animals, too.
*** goes for throwing the monk, too.
**** goes without saying for throwing the rogue.
***** rocket launchers, powder kegs, alchemical fire, alchemical bombs, and shotguns are not the same thing as rogue's tools when it comes to disarming traps and buildings.

yes, believe me, all that happened. my dm has since abandonned the idea of putting traps everywhere in favor of explosive runes. in which case i cast create water to scrub it away.

JAL_1138

2019-03-14, 12:13 PM

Telok

2019-03-14, 01:42 PM

* Twenty-ish years on I am still (I called and asked) not allowed to have Sir Bacon II, heir to the infamous Sir Bacon the Trapfinding Pig. Famed for having Con score because the cleric kept raising him, becoming a zombie when he ran out of Con, then a skeleton when he ran out of flesh, and we were shot down on trying to pursue lichdom for him.

Anonymouswizard

2019-03-15, 04:49 AM

*Not allowed to bail the party out of an imminent TPK by having a large, bald, tattooed man—wearing scale armor, wielding a greatsword, and carrying a hamster—run onto the battlefield at full tilt screaming [insert Minsc quote here], behead enough enemies the party is likely to survive the encounter, and then continue running until he’s out of sight.
**Especially in a Star Wars game.

*** I may not see nothing wrong with this.

* It doesn't matter if it's not Shadowrun, I'm not allowed to call any Cyberpunk characters 'Johnson'.
** The goal of the game is not to hit 1 Humanity.
*** Especially if I'm the face.

* Creating a Netrunner is bad enough. Setting up my deck to turtle it's easy through security systems will get my character lynched.

TheTeaMustFlow

2019-03-20, 10:11 AM

* Bigby's Invisible Hand is not a real spell.
** Neither is Smith's, for that matter.

* The first PVP in the game should not be entirely accidental.
** As DM, having the enemy use concealment effects to trick the PCs into friendly fire is unsporting.
*** Giggling incessantly while doing it is even more so. Even if it was entirely their own fault for trying to fight water weirds in their own pool in the first place.

SunderedWorldDM

2019-03-20, 10:32 AM

*Must not try and convince the resident archmage that the reason for my character's face pigmentation is because a halfling pirate crapped on my face. (I had to DM for this. It wasn't fun, I can assure you of that.)

Personification

2019-03-21, 10:38 AM

* Bigby's Invisible Hand is not a real spell.

**The same goes for Bigby's Hand to God
***Also Bigby's Clap Your Hands if You Believe

JAL_1138

2019-03-22, 08:51 AM

Malak'ai

2019-03-22, 07:18 PM

**The same goes for Bigby's Hand to God
***Also Bigby's Clap Your Hands if You Believe

****Bigby's Middle Finger of Anger is not located on any spell list I've ever seen.
*****Nor is Bigby's Thumb of Approval.
******Bigby's Devil Fingers of Rock On might be cool for fluff, not you're still not allowed it.
******* Nor are you allowed Bigby's Gib Slapping Hand.
********Or Bigby's Face Palm of Frustration.
********And you're especially not allowed Bigby's Semi Curled Little Finger of Insinuation when making jokes about the endowment of the BBEG.

Guizonde

2019-03-23, 04:30 AM

****Bigby's Middle Finger of Anger is not located on any spell list I've ever seen.
*****Nor is Bigby's Thumb of Approval.
******Bigby's Devil Fingers of Rock On might be cool for fluff, not you're still not allowed it.
******* Nor are you allowed Bigby's Gib Slapping Hand.
********Or Bigby's Face Palm of Frustration.
********And you're especially not allowed Bigby's Semi Curled Little Finger of Insinuation when making jokes about the endowment of the BBEG.

********* bigby's dope slap, as useful as it would be, does not exist, unfortunately.
********** although with enough bending of the rules could be done with spectral hand.
*********** no using spectral hand to dope slap.

Anonymouswizard

2019-03-23, 05:10 AM

*May not name my cyberpunk character “CJ Notned.”
**”Mada Nesnej” is right out.
***I did, in fact, ask for this, and I am to refrain from assertions to the contrary.
****Must actually play the Deus Ex series if I’m going to make these kinds of references.

***** Must stop referring to Deus Ex protagonists as 'underpowered slowpokes without any useful cyberwear'.
****** Even if they don't have a reaction enhancer between them.

* My character cannot have several kids because they 'couldn't afford the humanity loss for the implant'.
** If my character does have kids they're supposed to care about them, not ignore the GM putting them in danger.
*** Children are not legal tender.

Braininthejar2

2019-03-23, 06:36 AM

********* bigby's dope slap, as useful as it would be, does not exist, unfortunately.

I'm pretty sure there is a Bigby spell that dope slaps the enemy wizard whenever he starts casting.

DeTess

2019-03-23, 08:54 AM

I'm pretty sure there is a Bigby spell that dope slaps the enemy wizard whenever he starts casting.

Yep, Bigby's disrupting hand, in PHB2.

Rater202

2019-03-23, 09:36 AM

*** Children are not legal tender.

*May not open a restaurant selling long-veal tenderloin. ("Made from scratch by mean the Missus.")
**In general, may not sell my own children as food.

Guizonde

2019-03-24, 05:11 AM

*May not open a restaurant selling long-veal tenderloin. ("Made from scratch by mean the Missus.")
**In general, may not sell my own children as food.

in the french fantasy webradio-play and comic book (and later board game and pen and paper) dungeon of naheulbeuk, there is a tribe of leek-people. i'm pretty sure that those children count as produce.

also:

*it's spelled "orphanage", not "all-you-can-eat buffet".

Rater202

2019-03-24, 09:20 AM

in the french fantasy webradio-play and comic book (and later board game and pen and paper) dungeon of naheulbeuk, there is a tribe of leek-people. i'm pretty sure that those children count as produce.

also:

*it's spelled "orphanage", not "all-you-can-eat buffet".

*The game is over when someone segues from eating children to a "steamed hams" joke.

JAL_1138

2019-03-24, 09:46 AM

Telok

2019-03-25, 03:24 AM

* I may no longer play dwarves named 'Urist Mc<anything>' in D&D.
** I may no longer start converting the drow priestesses to the 'Cult of the Close Shave' by shaving them with thrown battle axes.
*** I may no longer weaponize magma in character when that character is a D&D fighter.
**** I am no longer allowed to have characters with any mining or engineering skills.
***** Even if it is easier, faster, and safer, flooding the map with magma is not the only solution to every problem.

I may no longer binge play DwarfFortress before playing RPGs.

* I may no longer introduce NPCs to the party named 'Urist McBlammo'.
** I may no long apply the feat 'Fan the Hammer' to dual wielded grenade launchers.
*** I may no longer mount magma cannons on spaceships, no matter how hilarious it is.
**** I may no longer have the enemy base be accessible only through a stifling hot underground tunnel with dimly glowing, hot steel hatches in the ceiling.
***** I may no longer have civilizations in my games where fire extinguishers are illegal.

I may no longer binge play DwarfFortress before GMing any RPGs.

Lord Torath

2019-03-25, 08:09 AM

*Must not abuse the “tailored armor” rules to have an entirely bulletproof wardrobe and no normal civilian clothes.
**If my character has bulletproof pajamas I am being too paranoid.
***Especially if bulletproof clothing takes up my entire budget and I can’t afford basic housing, any computers or electronics, a gun, or ammunition.****The fact that the Fashion spell is incapable of affecting the protective value of clothing is to prevent you from turning a regular lab coat into a SecureTM Long Coat, not to permit you to create a swimsuit with the protective value of full heavy armor.

John Campbell

2019-03-25, 10:12 AM

****The fact that the Fashion spell is incapable of affecting the protective value of clothing is to prevent you from turning a regular lab coat into a SecureTM Long Coat, not to permit you to create a swimsuit with the protective value of full heavy armor.

It can't change the overall coverage of the clothing, either, so unless you're talking one of those Victorian-era full-body swimming costumes, you can't do that anyway. It could probably turn an armor vest into a one-piece, though.

I played for a while an eight-year-old voodoo priestess who'd used that spell to turn a set of FFFBA into a princess dress and tights with 4/1 armor rating and chemical sealing 2.

Lord Torath

2019-03-25, 10:45 AM

It can't change the overall coverage of the clothing, either, so unless you're talking one of those Victorian-era full-body swimming costumes, you can't do that anyway. It could probably turn an armor vest into a one-piece, though. Here's the text I was looking at (2E Grimoire):

Fashion This spell instantly tailors clothing, transforming the target's garments into any fashion the caster wishes. The fashion spell requires a voluntary subject. The caster's extra successes measure the degree of style in the tailoring. The spell cannot change the clothing's protective value, only its cut, color, and fit.

If you can change the cut, you can change the coverage.

We apologize for this interruption, and now return you to your regularly scheduled discussion of Things I May No Longer Do While Playing. :smallsmile:

John Campbell

2019-03-25, 12:18 PM

Here's the text I was looking at (2E Grimoire):

Fashion This spell instantly tailors clothing, transforming the target's garments into any fashion the caster wishes. The fashion spell requires a voluntary subject. The caster's extra successes measure the degree of style in the tailoring. The spell cannot change the clothing's protective value, only its cut, color, and fit.

If you can change the cut, you can change the coverage.
Ah, it's an edition difference. 3E has the same text, but adds:

The weight of the clothing does not change, and it must cover approximately the same amount of area (a jump suit can't be converted into a bikini). This spell cannot change clothing with a total Armor Rating (ballistic and impact) higher than Force (+1 per 2 successes). The caster must touch the clothing.

JAL_1138

2019-03-25, 01:06 PM

*The tailored-armor rules in GURPS Ultratech are not there so I can go on counterterrorism missions in plaid pajamas, fuzzy slippers, and a bathrobe.

LordCdrMilitant

2019-03-25, 04:14 PM

Rater202

2019-03-25, 06:25 PM

May not conquered the world with an army of vampire cats.

Malak'ai

2019-03-25, 07:38 PM

May not conquered the world with an army of vampire cats.

*Leading a raid at Hogworts with said army, though fun, would result with a book being thrown at my face.

Personification

2019-03-26, 06:07 PM

*Leading a raid at Hogworts with said army, though fun, would result with a book being thrown at my face.
**No, this is not better than having the movie thrown at my face.

Lord Raziere

2019-03-26, 09:41 PM

*May not start a roleplay with my character murdering someone in a basement because her family told her to.
** said character may not have Orochimaru's motivation of getting all jutsu and immortality but with a family placing intense expectations upon them
*** they cannot be the neji/sasuke of the group
**** May not intend for them to be heroic despite sending all the "future villain" signals of naruto.

Rater202

2019-03-26, 10:06 PM

*May not play an atheist turned into a god against her will.

JAL_1138

2019-03-27, 03:23 PM

*May not abuse the “Ally” advantage to start the game with 1000 combat troops.

VelociRapture12

2019-03-28, 12:01 PM

*I may not play a paladin whos powers comes from the belief that he himself if a god.
**Playing a cleric in the next game is right out.

Malak'ai

2019-03-29, 02:21 AM

*I may not play a paladin whos powers comes from the belief that he himself if a god.
**Playing a cleric in the next game is right out.

***Playing a Bard who thinks they're Gods gift to women is par for the course.
****The Bard's female, okay sure.
*****"What do you mean she's an Orc?!?"

Lord Raziere

2019-03-29, 02:31 AM

***Playing a Bard who thinks they're Gods gift to women is par for the course.
****The Bard's female, okay sure.
*****"What do you mean she's an Orc?!?"

....I'm using that.

* My tiefling cannot also be a vampire
** she may not dual-wield swords while casting magic
*** she may not run away from her straight-laced Aasimar parents to join Chaos because its her goth/emo phase
**** she may not become a chaos twitch streamer so that she can get followers who donate blood while she live streams
***** She may not leave her vampire organization because the vampire leader is sparkly
****** upon returning to her parents, their reaction may not be "well I don't approve of your life choices, but at least you don't worship Malal!" then accept her back.

Malak'ai

2019-03-29, 09:09 AM

....I'm using that.

* My tiefling cannot also be a vampire
** she may not dual-wield swords while casting magic
*** she may not run away from her straight-laced Aasimar parents to join Chaos because its her goth/emo phase
**** she may not become a chaos twitch streamer so that she can get followers who donate blood while she live streams
***** She may not leave her vampire organization because the vampire leader is sparkly
****** upon returning to her parents, their reaction may not be "well I don't approve of your life choices, but at least you don't worship Malal!" then accept her back.

Damn, Malal must be growing in power, last I heard he was trapped in Retconia and unable to contact his worshippers.

JAL_1138

2019-03-29, 01:28 PM

*Not allowed to suggest a “Papers, Please: Greyhawk Edition” game if the upcoming Acquisitions Incorporated sourcebook has rules for Documancy.

Lord Raziere

2019-03-29, 01:40 PM

Damn, Malal must be growing in power, last I heard he was trapped in Retconia and unable to contact his worshippers.

* May not mention Malal around people who haven't heard of Dungeons the Dragoning

Guizonde

2019-03-29, 03:05 PM

*no attaching teammates under my shotgun as "underbarrel fireball and insult launcher".
** even if that's the only thing their character is good at.

JAL_1138

2019-03-29, 03:30 PM

*May not put more points into bureaucracy than combat skills.
**Even if I put over 100 points into the bureaucracy skill, there is no roll that will let me take over the setting’s main evil megacorp conglomerate with a couple of forms and some fine print I slipped into my contract.

Anonymouswizard

2019-03-29, 05:12 PM

*Not allowed to suggest a “Papers, Please: Greyhawk Edition” game if the upcoming Acquisitions Incorporated sourcebook has rules for Documancy.

** I am not allowed to derail the campaign into discovering Documancy's taboo.

Telok

2019-03-29, 05:14 PM

* May not mention Malal around people who haven't heard of Dungeons the Dragoning

* Playing a paladin of Malal, god of team-killing ****-tards, is probably preemptively banned on and D&D game.

** Yes, still banned even after I point out that the sorcerer is exactly that but just doesn't have it written on the character sheet.

x1372

2019-04-05, 10:11 AM

* If inter-party fighting is going to end a year-long campaign in a TPK, it probably shouldn't be the lawful good life cleric that initiates it.
** Even if it's because of a madness effect. Especially if it's because of a madness effect.
*** Having said cleric be a halfling and turned blue by an attack from a wand of wonder does not improve the situation or make him "angry smurf."
**** Between this and the "wiping out an island nation" incident in another game, I should probably not play a halfling again for a while.

* If the GM is iffy about a player using an uncommon race, he probably shouldn't shower them with gifts while draining everyone else's purses in sesion 0.

* If a GM offers you "a named artifact of your choice" and gives you four weeks to pick, you shouldn't still be scrambling the morning of the next session.
** (Seriously though if there's something awesome a true neutral 3.5 transmuter wizard could use I still haven't decided)

* A Tabaxi rogue's first use of his new potential 180' movement speed shouldn't be to flee at triple the speed of anyone else in the party in response to a fear effect.

* If fighting werewolves, the druid's Shillelagh cantrip should probably be remembered before the conclusion of the fight.

* If the party leader is knocked unconscious in a way we can't immediately fix, we probably should return to town rather than carry him around for a full session.

* The party should get on the same page before provoking and losing two of our members to the local guards.

* The introduction of a new goblin PC to the group should not be the first time we learn that both of our rangers picked goblin as their favored enemies.
** They should probably relax about this one after he beat a werewolf to death with a lit torch protecting them.

* The barbarian shouldn't be sad the fight ended so quickly when half the party is critically wounded and most of the NPCs we were escorting are down.

* If the wizard takes 10 minutes of looking over his prepared spells to find the only one he can use while grappled, he should probably dimension door more than 20 feet from his current position.

* While GMing for the first time, your first two combats should not each have over 10 monsters CR1 and lower as part of a combat against a party of 3 level 10 PCs.
** having a player targeted for 24 attacks in a row, due to held actions, action surge, and initiative order, is a bit unsporting.
*** Should not be surprised when said player ultimately systematically murders the fleeing/surrendered goblins after getting back on his feet.

* If the PCs run through a dungeon with nearly a dozen traps, the only one they spot early shouldn't be the one that was disabled before they arrived.

* Next time, check the range on spells used by PCs. Blindness shouldn't have worked on the beholder, at least that time.

* My first "wizard duel" shouldn't be a complete curbstomp in favor of the player because my NPC wasted one reaction.

* If the party's stated goal is to recover a specific magic sword, I should give them a description of said sword before throwing 2 different enemies wielding other magic swords at them.

* The room that you spent the most time preparing is inevitably the one the party will choose to dimension door past.

* The DM's first experience with "dispel magic" should not be a player inadvertently destroying their reward for winning a fight.
** Just because you included a half dozen magic items in the dungeon for your one-shot doesn't mean the party will acquire any of them.

Telok

2019-04-05, 10:29 AM

** (Seriously though if there's something awesome a true neutral 3.5 transmuter wizard could use I still haven't decided)

Baba Yaga's Hut and the Machine of Lum the Mad are pretty randomly useful to anyone. There is, naturally, a wikipedia page.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magic_item_(Dungeons_%26_Dragons)

* I will not be allowed to have the Machine of Lum the Mad cross-linked with Hewards Mystical Organ and mounted in a turret on top of Baba Yaga's Hut.

** Not even if I offer to let Baba Yaga use it on weekends when I don't need it.

Socksy

2019-04-06, 07:26 AM

I've been running WFRP over the past few months, but using the Beyond the Wall group character gen rules to link everyone's backstories as teenagers growing up in the same small village. Character classes (randomly rolled, for the most part) are Smuggler, Embalmer, Hedgecraft Apprentice, Noble, and Whaler. About half of the randomly generated NPCs had magic of some kind (I rolled to see what everyone above their first career in the village was), so the village ended up several dozen miles north of Marienburg, on the coast of the Sea of Claws, pretty far from any authority. (Also, I'm pretty sure half my players are on these forums, so know this is loving, light hearted teasing). With that being said...

Smuggler

* If I am playing the Smuggler, I should probably not be the most level-headed and trustworthy member of the party.

* If I am given a lucky charm in the form of a symbol of Tzeentch while smuggling a generic apocalyptic doomsday device out of Nuln, should probably at least get the party mage to look at it.
** Hiring crew to sail the stolen boat containing a potentially stolen generic apocalyptic doomsday device and half a dozen Norscan spies out of Nuln is not the right time to roll a 100.
*** Yes, killing undercover policemen will be a Willpower save vs Insanity points.

Embalmer

* That nice woman in Marienburg with the finest dresses and wine you've ever seen, who has a library with a forbidden section containing anything you could possibly want and symbols that make your head hurt, with the child sister who has a freakishly high Strength score and no heartbeat or breathing? Probably not the best romance option.
** Transporting a mysterious magic item for said Herald level Daemon beautiful woman, after a friend threw it away for the safety of the party, is perhaps not the best plan either.
*** If I accidentally end up pacted to a Herald level Daemon beautiful woman, and aforementioned mysterious magic item is whispering to me, probably shouldn't follow almost all its instructions

* Spontaneously having Queekish as your default spoken language instead of Reikspiel will alarm the rest of the party, yes.
** While there is no right way of explaining that the magic item you're transporting for a certain Slaaneshi Daemon innocent librarian in Marienburg gave you the memories of a Skaven in order to teach you the language, if Skaven are the primary antagonists of the campaign and Clan Moulder especially has been getting involved in reshaping rats into other things, "I was a Skaven! I remember being a Skaven!" is almost certainly the wrong way.

* If I'm the primary healer and I almost die of Cholera, there will be teasing.

Hedgecraft Apprentice
* Trying to drop the safe onto the blacksmith's head is still attempted murder even if we do find out he follows Nurgle a couple of hours later.
** Not allowed to weaponise the Neiglish religious tapestry by flashing all the ruinous bits at people while looking away.

* Being at ground zero during a nuclear explosion is a poor plan.

* The "adult device" which qualifies as having the [experimental] and [engineering] weapon tags is a poor choice, and will result in a difficult Heal check being made when it blows up.

* Threatening to rat out the Embalmer to his mum for getting drunk and mutating (events mostly unrelated to each other) is mean.

* The Bride of Khaine is not called Princess Stabbyface.

Noble (who, in their defence, is new to the setting and system)
* Should probably check if the GM intends to have pistols in their setting before trying to enter the Duellist career.

* Removing the Warpstone bolts from the OwlRatBear by hand won't go well
** If the Herald of Slaanesh well-off owner of a combination library and adventuring supply store offers a ritual to fix the mutation problem, behind the forbidden section, should probably decline.
*** Or should at least decline when the circle under the library is full or painful, Ruinous symbols.
**** Or should at least decline when told to stand in the centre of the circle and take all clothing and weaponry off.

* Using the experimental double-barrelled repeater pistol that jams on 91+ and explodes on 96+ is brave.
** Stealing a grad student from Nuln's engineering college because they were trying to deliver ammo for said gun when the boat was attacked by police can only go well.

Whaler

* If someone doesn't answer their door, then after insistent banging tells you to **** off, the correct answer is not to break down the door.
** If said person comes downstairs pointing a crossbow at you and tells you to leave, should probably leave instead of ripping the door off its hinges to use as a shield.
*** Not allowed to steal the door but leave everything else.

* Taste and smell are appropriate ways to check if something is gunpowder. Putting it to your ear is not.

* If the Embalmer's mum calls up the stairs to ask who he's talking to, shouting back "No one!" will not, in fact, convince her that you aren't there.

*Being fourteen years old and 6ft2 with the highest Strength and Toughness in the party and taking the Whaler and Marauder careers will not lend credit to the story that you're Bretonnian, not Norscan, honest.

Malphegor

2019-04-09, 05:45 AM

A Star Wars RP:

*Despite common perception, red lightsabers do not necessarily mean my Master is a Sith Lord
**Also I cannot romance them to find out where to get a 'cool black robe' and lighting powers
***Even if it turns out they were a Sith in the end

From an ooold forum rp thing

*No, I cannot make a dragonfly mounted fairy samurai
**Okay I can but bushido has nothing to do with plant magic apparently
***No a shrubbery has no mechanical benefit to my skills with the blade.
****I also can no longer attempt to go inside orifices to cut them from inside

Rater202

2019-04-09, 03:28 PM

*May not build a superhero who is blatantly just Gabe from Penny Arcade.
**even if I have enough points.

Anonymouswizard

2019-04-09, 07:24 PM

* My character can be a scientist without trying to take over the world.

Rater202

2019-04-11, 01:42 PM

*When told to distract the guards, I can't just run up to them, deck one of them in the face, and then run away while singing "With Catlike Tread" at the top of my lungs and out of key.
**The fact that it worked and we were able to rob the place they were guarding blind is no excuse.

Anonymouswizard

2019-04-14, 04:35 PM

* Under no circumstances may my Kindred take the name 'Sucky McSuckface'.
** I am also not allowed to give decent arguments for why a Brujah is claiming Camarilla membership.

* Common household items are no longer assumed to be available for free.

* It doesn't matter what the rules say, '2,000,000,000,000,000,001 Mickey Mouse themed chronometers' is not a valid Rogue Trader starting purchase.
** If I can't fit it all in the ship I can't purchase it.
*** If we have to throw existing cargo out I can't purchase it.
**** The GM is well aware that this bans me from buying ships.

JAL_1138

2019-04-14, 06:22 PM

*May not order pizza so that we can use the delivery driver as a substitute human sacrifice for the banishment ritual after we accidentally killed the possessed paranormal scholar, who would have been a much better choice to sacrifice, outside the ritual circle while we were trying to get him not to chainsaw our heads off.

Rater202

2019-04-14, 06:34 PM

Anonymouswizard

2019-04-14, 06:47 PM

**May not give pizza instead of human sacrifices as an offering.

*** No result on a Diplomacy check will convince the eldritch horror to start requesting pizza sacrifices.

* The GM is not an eldritch horror.

JAL_1138

2019-04-14, 06:51 PM

*** No result on a Diplomacy check will convince the eldritch horror to start requesting pizza sacrifices.

****Despite precedent (https://pbfcomics.com/comics/zuthulus-resurrection/), brownies will not work either.

Telok

2019-04-15, 01:10 AM

New canon in my Dungeons the Dragoning game: Vectron will accept pizza delivery drivers as sacrifices as long as he gets the pizza too.

I may no longer use the evil temple from "Big Trouble in Little China" as a backdrop to chase the vampire (with phobias of both seafood and demons) around with a daemonette of Slaneesh "hungering for his innocence". The daemonette is OK, it's the tacky neon high lighting the giant skull with the escalator that's verboten.

JAL_1138

2019-04-15, 09:36 AM

*Having a character with such a high Bureaucracy, Criminology, Law, and Persuade skills that I can get nearly any Delta Green assignment authorized as an official FBI investigation, thereby removing most if not all difficulties in accessing various locations or evidence and we can simply call into the FBI office to confirm it if an NPC questions it, is apparently bad form.
**Particularly if the entire party follows suit and builds a medical examiner, crime-scene technician, SWAT officer, and criminal profiler who all work out of the same FBI field office.
***Still not allowed to just molotov the dilapidated mansion at the outset of the session.
****Even if it would have solved everything right away and that poor delivery guy would still be alive.
*****Seriously, fifteen people had died in that house in the past ten years before we got there, including children, why had the city not condemned it and bulldozed it?!
******Dilapidated mansions are not considered such a public health and safety risk that state and federal government have set a maximum square footage on all new home construction, and a requirement that all existing homes must meet certain regular maintenance standards or be seized through eminent domain and demolished the minute they even start to look shabby, to nip the problem in the bud before anything gets dilapidated or run-down or people use the phrase “seen better days” in reference to it.

x1372

2019-04-15, 12:58 PM

* If the bartender is unable to provide us with any assistance whatsoever, that doesn't mean we need to burn this city to the ground.
** Even if, in retrospect, that probably would have been better for the world as a whole.
*** Especially if we've accidentatlly causes significantly more damage to another urban center in the past.
**** The wizard most responsible for said destruction shouldn't be the only one actively against burning things now.
***** Especially if he's been nicknamed "Pompeii."

* If our first encounter of the session is literally the thing our psion has nightmares about, he probably shouldn't take point.

* When discovering that an entire city is controlled by intelligent parasites, I should probably consider how to destroy them before how to blackmail them.

* Hearing a voice talking to us in our heads is probably a good excuse to re-unite a split party.

* If the newest player in the group rolls up a Frenzied Berserker, they should probably mention it in character before they inadvertently murder an ally in a single blow.
** The cleric's first response about her murdered ally shouldn't be "you owe me 1000 gold."
*** The cleric's second response probably shouldn't be "bring it" when informed that the berserker has 3 more attacks to make in the round, no matter how much AC she has.
**** Baleful Polymorph may have solved the situation temporarily, but now we have a barely revived party member and a small turtle "ally" to deal with.
***** Ending the session at that when the next is four weeks away may be a mite frustrating for the new player.
****** Mentioning the possibility of keeping his character as a pet was probably not the most tactful option.

* A squad of four first level characters in their second combat together probably shouldn't gel as the most well-oiled combat machine I've seen in a year of playing.
** Especially when the same four players were a complete mess at teamwork with their ninth level characters in the previous campaing.

* If two characters roll back-to-back natural 1s on the same target, their wizard ally 10ft away from each has every reason to fear for his health.
** Even more so if the DM describes the missed blows as as grazing and poking holes in the wizard's clothing.

* The rogue shouldn't be excited by the possibility of a forest fire.

* The description of the cleric's "toll the dead" cantrip shouldn't be THAT much more terrifying than the enraged barbarian.

* If the wizard drops to exactly 1 HP when he chooses to save his spell slot and not cast shield, it's only going to encourage him to do so again in the future.
** Especially if the saved spell slot ultimately prevents the final enemy from escaping.

* If there are 9 possible paths, only one of which is correct, the party will inevitably follow every incorrect one first.
** Discovery that a wrong path flings you back out is not an excuse for the sorceress to go in backwards, so she can do a superman pose.

* Rolling with advantage or disadvantage is not an excuse for my d20 to roll the same number twice in a row. Five times in three sessions is worrying.
** the double-sixes twice on 2d6 in two sesions will also raise some eyebrows.

* The rogue should not be surprised when told that checking for traps is "their job."
** In retrospect, investigation may have been a worthwhile skill proficiency.
*** Having the fighter get bored waiting and walk straight past him during the search is not encouraging.

* The GM probably shouldn't encourage a new player to move to a point that causes them to take attacks of opportunity without mentioning that fact.
** Giving them a countdown when they attempt an alternative is unproductive.
*** interrupting players who are moving their minis and taking actions with the countdown is right out.

* Just because his character has a penalty in all 3 mental stats doesn't mean the goblin's player shouldn't answer the riddle no one else can solve.

* If we get a scroll of comprehend languages, the sorceress should accept it rather than decline because "she doesn't like doing the talking."
** Especially if she's the only member of the party capable of using the scroll, and has by far the most charisma.

* A party with 3 rangers in a forest should not be worried about running out of rations.

* A small bag of random toys and trinkets should not be more coveted than any of the weapons or treasure we've found thus far.

* I should not argue against a rules interpretation that is actively helpful to the party in general and me in particular.

JAL_1138

2019-04-16, 06:42 PM

*Must warn people that a certain few sets of my dice aren’t “lucky,” they just really hate PCs, and will try to get MY character killed too if I use them when I’m a player, and will naturally do the same for anyone borrowing them.
**Stating this plainly and in no uncertain terms is apparently an insufficient warning.
***Even when another player, against whom they’d critted six times in one session, and who’d seen my PC crit-fail a series of important checks, saves, and attack rolls in a subsequent game, confirms the warning.
****It doesn’t matter if the system is roll under instead of roll high, the only bias they have is against player characters—they’ll roll however they need to roll to wreck a PC.
*****Apparently is IS somehow my fault the person forgot their dice at home and those were the only ones I had with me to lend at the time.
******Yes, the chances of rolling four crit-fails in a row are highly improbable. Unless you’re a PC using my evil dice.
*******Passing my dice to the DM and borrowing the DM’s dice instead will not solve the problem, as the DM will proceed to crit the bejeezus out of us repeatedly until they give my dice back to me so as not to TPK the party, collect their own dice back from the player who swapped with them, and tells the player to just share with somebody else.

Personification

2019-04-17, 12:14 AM

Telok

2019-04-17, 04:01 PM

* I may no longer RP the daemonette of Slaneesh casting Command, Charm, r Dominate.

Anonymouswizard

2019-04-21, 05:25 AM

* Artificer? Sure.
** You want your arteficer to be under four feet tall, okay...
*** No. Just no.
**** I am to put down the hammer before something explodes.
***** Magic items can do things other than explode.
****** 'Mr Gearkins' cannot have a self destruct feature.
******* Mr Gearkins is also not a four foot tall mechanical giant space hamster.
******** Even if I've accidentally sent him to space.
********* Didn't we name an entire thread after this?

danielxcutter

2019-04-21, 09:13 AM

* If a GM offers you "a named artifact of your choice" and gives you four weeks to pick, you shouldn't still be scrambling the morning of the next session.
** (Seriously though if there's something awesome a true neutral 3.5 transmuter wizard could use I still haven't decided)

Staff of the Archmagi.

Eternis

2019-04-25, 10:30 AM

*I may not invade an elvish kingdom for the sole reason of abusing the interaction between racial weapon proficiencies and the spell Animate Dead.
**No, their racist attitudes are still no excuse.
***A diplomatic incident is something involving both a diplomatic personage and either a murder or a grave offense to honour. Not "an elf was nearby when I stubbed my toe".
****Still no, even when the King of the dwarves agrees with you.
-Some time later-
*****I may not parade around elvish child corpses in a grotesque and offensive mockery of all that is good and holy even if my reasons for doing so are to incite war.
******Especially not if my reasons are to incite war.
*******Especially not if my character isn't explicitly evil.

Rater202

2019-04-25, 10:57 AM

*I may not invade an elvish kingdom for the sole reason of abusing the interaction between racial weapon proficiencies and the spell Animate Dead.

*May not question the context of this.

Lord Raziere

2019-04-25, 02:57 PM

* May not blackmail a guard with the fact that he knits pink bunny slippers in his off time
** or that he reads the japanese ninja version of MLP:FIM

* My character can be a heroine without being a lesbian.

Alabenson

2019-04-26, 01:58 PM

** or that he reads the japanese ninja version of MLP:FIM

*** May not derail the mission to knock out and rob said guard because "I haven't read that issue yet."

DeTess

2019-04-26, 03:12 PM

*The wizard's shove action against fighter-type creature should not succeed.
**If it does succeed, it should not result in more damage done than all the cantrips cast by the wizard in that session combined.
***Not even if every last one of those cantrips missed.

Cinder39134

2019-05-15, 09:58 PM

*May not let the thread remain un-updated for more than two and a half weeks.
**Even if you didn't previously have an account.
***Yes, you do have to contribute, you can't just bump a thread and hope someone else responds.
****Self-referential humor is not a proper substitute for actual humor. Get to writing up a full post already.

*When the mission calls for stealth, I may not immediately start blowing things up as soon as our cover appears that it might be threatened.
**Especially not if we haven't even met up with the person we're extracting.
***No, not even if they'd already pressed the silent alarm. All those explosions are just going to make it the loud alarm.

*It may be a good idea to try to infiltrate the ventilation systems to evade multiple armed patrols.
**It's probably less smart to send only the slow, loud, half-machine guy in there.
***Especially not if we're trying to sneak up on the guy in the prison's control center.
****Even if he is the only one who can deactivate the security systems, he's not even the best in hand-to-hand combat.
*****This goes double if the hand-to-hand combat expert can actually also deactivate the systems.

*If we've been explicitly told that this is an extra-high-security prison, then it's probably not a good idea to cut the power to the whole place.
**After cutting power to the whole place, we probably should have figured out something was very wrong when we started to hear the guards being brutally murdered.
*** We definitely should have been on alert for the source of those problems when the walls started dripping blood.
****If we find a little girl singing cheerfully in the (blood-dripping) hallway, the appropriate response is either A, run away in panic, or B, start shooting.
*****It is definitely not C, invite her to join our group.
******Nor is it D, befriend her and carry her around on your shoulder.

*If we're trying to get into the engineering bay to get some alien technology to help our escape, we should discuss how we're going to get inside before we get there.
**We should not loudly discuss the plan to kill everyone inside immediately outside the door.
***We definitely shouldn't do this after they've aimed a railgun at the door, and are prepared to fire as soon as it opens.
****May not, after loudly and explicitly planning to kill everyone inside the room, remotely open the door and stand in front of it.

*May not establish emotional bonds with the extremely powerful, psychic girl.
**That goes double for establishing mental bonds with same.
***That goes quadruple if she is in fact being possessed by a demon at the same time.
****I don't care if it's 'more convenient', the fact of the matter is that you've just guaranteed that we won't be able to surprise her when needed.

*Should not jump off the roof of a building to charge into melee against a force with superior arms and numbers.
**Should not jump off the roof immediately after the first guy to jump off broke his ankle on impact.
***Especially not if we've got rope we can use to lower ourselves down safely.
****And if the opposing force was already wiped out when trying to jump the second time.

*May do our best to disable the anti-aircraft guns before we call for an evac.
**May make our way to the vehicle hangar to get rid of the densest cluster of AA guns.
***May not proceed to steal several massive mech suits from said hangar.
****Especially not if no one knows how to pilot them properly.
*****May not destroy the rest of the mech suits before everyone has a chance to grab one.

*May use large pieces of debris as a weapon while fighting in melee with said mech suits.
**May not use an entire smaller mech suit as a piece of debris.
***Nor may I use one of the tanks I'm currently fighting.
****May not, in fact, use any weapon other than the one attached to the mech suit's arm.
*****No, not even the shoulder-mounted missile launcher. That is for shooting, not for punching.

*When calling for evac, may not neglect to mention the ultra-powerful psychic.
**When her presence is mentioned, should probably suggest a quicker solution than 'call that one group who might be able to get here in a week or two'.
***Although 'nuke it from orbit' might usually be overkill, you probably should stop arguing against your best strategy of surviving the next week.
****May not discuss this plan on an open comms channel.
*****Especially not when the guy who's psychically linked with her is listening in.
******I don't care how much you disliked that guy, it's still technically wrong to leave him behind when you're going to nuke a hundred-mile radius around the evac point.

*May not somehow do the above while being the only party member to take no damage.
***Especially not if I was one of the party members without a mech suit.
****ESPECIALLY not if I was the only party member without a mech suit.

Honestly, I'm genuinely unsure why or how we managed to pull every objective off reasonably successfully, considering how early in the mission everything went wrong. Not that I'm going to complain!

Rater202

2019-05-15, 11:18 PM

*I may not devour an entire layer of Hell.

Anonymouswizard

2019-05-16, 02:14 AM

*I may not devour an entire layer of Hell.

** Especially without seasoning.

Lord Torath

2019-05-16, 09:51 AM

* I may not "out-stealth" the Tyranid Lictor.
** Disemboweling it with my chainsword after it flubbs its climb check and lands in a heap on the floor is just rude.

Telok

2019-05-16, 10:31 AM

* I may no longer role play greater daemons as people who have personalities, goals, lives, and interests outside of combat.

** No more having the greater daemon carve sanity destroying and warp effect producing erotic poetry about god-horrors from the time before time, into a character's back while they are unconsious.

*** Not even when the other characters traded half an hour with the knocked out sorcerer to the daemon for free passage.

* May no longer have unmarked 55 gallon drums of red fuming nitric acid and hexaflourine in the pirate hideout.

** May no longer have MSDS sheets at the gaming table.

LordCdrMilitant

2019-05-16, 12:20 PM

* I may not "out-stealth" the Tyranid Lictor.
** Disemboweling it with my chainsword after it flubbs its climb check and lands in a heap on the floor is just rude.

If you got one, there's two more right behind you!

My deathwatch party once had to fight a Deathleaper, and my DH party once had to fight a Lictor section.

The Lictor section encounter was funny: they were out hunting a Hive Tyrant in a jungle [with a mustachioed englishman of an Ordo Xenos Inquisitor they were helping out for the day], but the lictors were hunting them. One was in the trees on the left of the party, one was on the ground to the right, and one was on the ground behind them. Various checks and searches turned up rustling leaves and small glimpses of them, but never more than one at once. Nobody wanted to be at the back of the column. Eventually, they caught and killed one of them when a suppression burst kneecapped it, and celebrated. Then the bushes moved again.

The Deathleaper was pretty great too. The deathwatch party was deployed to capture a Deathleaper example that was believed to be assassinating the officers on a planet where the Imperial Guard were holding a shrinking perimeter and trying to conduct and orderly evacuation. They did a bunch of stuff there, to help out the Imperial Guard, including rescuing a Shadowsword encircled on a hilltop and bringing it back to friendly lines, and bringing down a Scythed Heirodule. They were engaged by the Deathleaper several times during their mission, the first times managing to escape the ambush, but the last time standing and fighting to bring it down with liberal use of frag grenades, demolition charges, and flamer weapons. They couldn't see it, but if it attacked they had a general idea of where it might be, so they carpeted the area with explosions to use up it's reactions, set it on fire, and then once they knew where it was, have their assault marines bring it down. Following the battle, the Techmarine attempted to retrofit it with storm bolter and a MIU control chip and use it as a murder-servitor, which is scientifically known as a "bad idea" [it later escaped on their watch station]

Lictors are great. So are genestealers. My party loves is terrified of both.

Lord Torath

2019-05-16, 01:30 PM

My Assault Marine had requisitioned a Diagnoster Helmet for the Preysense sights (+20 to perception/awareness in the dark). Once we knew there was a lictor in the facility (and we knew what it was going for), we cut the lights, my marine activated his stummers, and he raced to the objective, while the lictor was still crawling through the ducts. I got there first, crouched down in a corner with easy access to the target, activated my auspex (+20 to awareness/preception), and settled down to wait. The lictor crept down from the ceiling, and then flubbed his climb check, crashing to the floor. I jump-charged in with surprise, and then won initiative in the next round, leaving the thing bleeding out and holding its guts in with one claw. I dragged the entire thing back to the Thunderhawk as a trophy/specimen. Good times!

Socksy

2019-05-18, 01:13 PM

* Yes, Khorne is the god of Blood. No, that does not also make him the god of Genealogy.

JAL_1138

2019-05-19, 07:07 AM

*Still may not play an Aarakocra bard with the Charlatan background: Flibbertigibbet Flycatcher, the fabulous fair-feathered flying flim-flam flugelhornist.

jintoya

2019-05-19, 10:20 AM

noob

2019-05-19, 10:32 AM

* high yield homemade explosives are not a melee weapon

* Jumping off the roof and landing on a foe does require an attack role
** You do not get to use the rules on falling debris, even if you are a warforged
*** you cannot conspire with the spellcasters to abuse enlarge person for special "meteor strike" moves

Edit: (this one was recent)
* You cannot impersonate god for personal gain and expect no alignment shift

**In the forgotten realms that alignment shift is not toward good even if utilitarian morality indicates that by undermining the influence of evil creatures (all the gods in forgotten realms) like that would result in overall positive long term consequences and this without harming people (only harming their ability to believe without strong proof in the presence of their god).
***no matter if it results in a better world without harming anyone it is still going to push your alignment toward chaos and not good.

LordCdrMilitant

2019-05-19, 12:01 PM

* Yes, Khorne is the god of Blood. No, that does not also make him the god of Genealogy.

That would be Slaanesh, I think. Maybe Tzeentch, depending on your intended use of genealogy.

* high yield homemade explosives are not a melee weapon

Ha! Just watch me!

I've had multiple parties involve characters using large amounts of demolition charges in close quarters. Sometimes, they even survive.

Once one of my Deathwatch Space Marines counted on failing his demolitions check by 4 degrees, so it would go off in his hands, and was using a carefully selected amount of charges so that he would probably live but all the guys around him probably wouldn't.

More recently, a Dark Heresy character set of 30 kilograms of explosives he was carrying in an attempt to explode a Lord Discordant who was in melee with him.

jintoya

2019-05-19, 12:49 PM

I'm just going to as this one preemptively before today's session

* You may not hide behind utilitarianism to explain cannibalism
** You cannot use preform (music) to soften the blow about cannibalism and make it a laughing matter

* You are no longer allowed to be scarier than the DM when buying vague minerals under the explanation "it's just for plan B, no worries"
** "Plan B" may no longer be thermite.

I suspect these would be here tonight anyways, so I'm just adding them now.

Guizonde

2019-05-19, 02:01 PM

this one goes for my team.

*no more making the beloved 5-campaign veteran dmpc cry ever again.

seriously, even the new players were heartbroken, and they don't know the moral attachment the rest of the group has to the guy. he's canonically loved for being the nicest guy in the universe, and they turned him into a weeping wreck after he destroyed 2 rat-ogres single-handedly in close quarters. so far, we've been 4 different dm's to use the guy as our stand-in for upholding morality. everybody loves him.

Personification

2019-05-20, 07:00 AM

* Jumping off the roof and landing on a foe does require an attack role
** You do not get to use the rules on falling debris, even if you are a warforged
*** you cannot conspire with the spellcasters to abuse enlarge person for special "meteor strike" moves

****This (https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=447378) may not be my character concept.

Imbalance

2019-05-20, 10:02 AM

*Just because our warlock deftly deceived the mermaid queen as to who slew her daughters and we all successfully beat her charm song doesn't mean I should expect her to be impressed when offering to compensate for their loss and bargain for the captive sailors with the two-headed worm in a box.
**Especially considering that it has never been well-received by anyone else any other time we tried to smooth things over.
***"Do you seriously still have that thing?"
****It is not "well-trained."
*****Her callously dumping it into the water was an act of disgust, not evidence of arousal.
******There is no reason to cheer, "go wormy!" after she fails all of her targeted spell attempts in the ensuing battle.
*******Flooding the chamber Is a lair action, not a result of self-gratification.
********You should not interpret her murderous rage as "needing help with that."

Personification

2019-05-21, 06:57 AM

Imbalance

2019-05-21, 07:55 AM

Anything on the trinket table goes into the locked spot in your inventory where you can't use it, remove it, or sell it until the specific point at which it becomes necessary to the plot.

Please show me any plot where the two headed worm in a box became necessary. I am genuinely curious how this thing could possibly be used non-comedically. We first acquired it in a random barter to find a gift to hopefully appease our sorceress. Didn't work. I then offered it to a jilted former lover. Rejected again. So it's been clanking around in my backpack for weeks. I keep feeding it and checking on it kinda like a pet, but more like...keeping bait looking lively. I thought for sure the mermaids would go for it, but now it may be gone for good. I just hope you're not telling me that at some session down the road the party will find a dire need for a two headed worm, and I'll end up kicking myself that I didn't immediately dive under her to save it.

On second thought, I actually hope that happens.

Personification

2019-05-21, 08:34 AM

Please show me any plot where the two headed worm in a box became necessary. I am genuinely curious how this thing could possibly be used non-comedically. We first acquired it in a random barter to find a gift to hopefully appease our sorceress. Didn't work. I then offered it to a jilted former lover. Rejected again. So it's been clanking around in my backpack for weeks. I keep feeding it and checking on it kinda like a pet, but more like...keeping bait looking lively. I thought for sure the mermaids would go for it, but now it may be gone for good. I just hope you're not telling me that at some session down the road the party will find a dire need for a two headed worm, and I'll end up kicking myself that I didn't immediately dive under her to save it.

On second thought, I actually hope that happens.

It's more that that is the point of the trinket table. If you get a trinket, it is supposed to add flavor or mystery to your backstory, so either the DM will think of some way to make it story relevant, or have no idea how to react to the weird thing and have NPCs refuse it. Honestly, I was just making a joke. If your DM doesn't have anything specific in mind for the worm, but you have an NPC that would actually accept it, the tactic might work.

Imbalance

2019-05-21, 09:09 AM

It's more that that is the point of the trinket table. If you get a trinket, it is supposed to add flavor or mystery to your backstory, so either the DM will think of some way to make it story relevant, or have no idea how to react to the weird thing and have NPCs refuse it. Honestly, I was just making a joke. If your DM doesn't have anything specific in mind for the worm, but you have an NPC that would actually accept it, the tactic might work.

Gotcha. I think it got traction at first just because it was for an interaction within the party, but then it started to become a running RP joke. I was hoping you had some legit examples about how a campaign hinged on what is arguably the oddest item on the list.

Anonymouswizard

2019-05-21, 09:42 AM

* I am not allowed one roll on the Trinkets table per legal identity.

jintoya

2019-05-21, 10:27 AM

Plan C in effect.
I think soon:

*I am not allowed to evict the local Lord
** Making a whole kingdom into a forest with an army of birds and magic is prohibited

We'll see how he handles it... He might be a dragon... Not sure

* May no longer steal the top floors of the Pagoda
(Trying to figure out how to do that)

Personification

2019-05-22, 09:56 PM

* May no longer steal the top floors of the Pagoda
(Trying to figure out how to do that)

Don't you mean pseudogazebo?

TheYell

2019-05-23, 01:22 AM

When the party is enslaved by goblins, I may not ask to be made chief slave in exchange for cooperation

JMS

2019-05-26, 08:52 AM

*While people expect the Beguiler to not be the moral compass of the group, this expectation does not apply to Exalted Beguilers with Nymph's Kiss, Vow of Non-violence, and other [Exalted] feats.
**Half the group should not have the title of "Saint" from their templates
***If the Paladin is derided for not being good enough, we need new characters.
****The group is not allowed the Book of Exalted Good.

*As a DM, 4d fights are not allowed.
** You may not increase the number of dimensions to get around this.
***Non-euclidean battles are banned.

*Not allowed to read about cryptography before playing.

jintoya

2019-05-30, 12:57 PM

Don't you mean pseudogazebo?

Took the entire thing, now it's my cloud house.

*I am no longer allowed to use grow plants to turn a capital city into a forest
(I doubt I'll be allowed to have that as a spell like ability again)

*Using alchemy to enhance my cooking skill and make food so good that people would kill a man for it is no longer allowed

*Diplomacy (to do anything but negotiate a cease-fire) is no longer allowed during combat

*Applying sovereign glue is considered hostile actions for the purposes of invisibility.... But only for me (I was filling people's nostrils with it and putting it on lips of sleeping bandits)

Edit of convenience so I'm not continually posting:

* Stealing a whole town (my next project) and replacing the people there with greater fetches is not okay.

Rater202

2019-06-18, 07:46 AM

*In a superheroes game, my powers can't be a magical, weightless, inscrutable futon that I can summon from a pocket dimension and use as a personal barricade.

Lord Raziere

2019-06-19, 04:31 AM

* Despite what some syncretisms may have you believe, Daana'd is not Luna worship in disguise
** Daana'd was not a guise of Luna leading the Dragon-Blooded to force the Lunars to adapt and become stronger
*** Daana'd never was Luna in disguise, and not all pictures of Daana'd are worshiping Luna
**** I am not to paint and post up picture of Daana'd in the middle of transforming back into Luna winking at the viewer of said picture for all immaculate worshipers to see, that is heresy.
***** Nor am I to depict Daana'd and Luna kissing one another and posting that up in public either, thats also immaculate heresy
****** Daana'd is not the Gaia soul that loves and sleeps with Luna the most
******* There is no wide-reaching secret cult of Daana'd backed by Lunars to slowly induct people into Luna worship and turn them into rebels against the Dragon-Blooded. that would be just one too many layers of the irony they're already drowning in.

jintoya

2019-06-19, 07:53 PM

*I may no longer create colossal "battle bunnies" and send them to the god of the hunt as an offering in the hopes to irritate him
**I may not act surprised when he retaliates

*Asking people to "check this out" when "this" is a gru, is considered hostility.

*No matter your diplomacy check, throwing pies at royalty will get you ejected from a kingdom

*The DM should never have to say "an alignment shift so big that it measures on the Richter scale" to convince me I'm wrong

*A massacre can not be justified by "it's Tuesday"
**Especially on Thursday

Anonymouswizard

2019-06-20, 03:57 PM

* I am allowed to play Clerics. I may not name them Reverend Senob Yoccm.
** There is never a legitimate reason to shout 'I'm a miracle worker, not a doctor!'

Telok

2019-06-20, 04:07 PM

Coming soon to a game near here:
* The seriously ****** up cocaine wizard will no longer be allowed to be the most sane and rational NPC at the auction of very very very illegal things.

** Full auto grenade launchers in enclosed spaces.

DeTess

2019-06-20, 04:29 PM

** Full auto grenade launchers in enclosed spaces.
***The same goes for burst-fire grenade launchers
****And semi-auto grenade-launchers that the rules say you can manually burst-fire
*****Bringing any sort of high-explosive-based combat strategy to a moon-base is asking for trouble.
******Even if you remembered to bring an armored space-suit.
*******Because the rest of the party didn't think to bring those, that's why!

LordCdrMilitant

2019-06-20, 09:28 PM

***The same goes for burst-fire grenade launchers
****And semi-auto grenade-launchers that the rules say you can manually burst-fire
*****Bringing any sort of high-explosive-based combat strategy to a moon-base is asking for trouble.
******Even if you remembered to bring an armored space-suit.
*******Because the rest of the party didn't think to bring those, that's why!

I see no problem with any of these :)

TheYell

2019-06-21, 03:42 AM

* May not use a withdraw action to run screaming the whole length of a dungeon
**Three Stooges' "nyangnyangnyangwooobwooopwoopwoopwoop" is not an acceptable alternative

noob

2019-06-21, 03:54 AM

* May not use a withdraw action to run screaming the whole length of a dungeon
**Three Stooges' "nyangnyangnyangwooobwooopwoopwoopwoop" is not an acceptable alternative

which system?
*team fire is not the correct name for an adventurer team.
**if everyone wears 100 candles, a dozen of alchemist fires and also matches ,flint and iron and are dragging around mules carrying firewood then something is "wrong".

DeTess

2019-06-21, 05:02 AM

which system?
*team fire is not the correct name for an adventurer team.

**Neither is 'Scorched Earth'.
***Even if that's an accurate representation of our MO
****Especially if that's an accurate representation of our MO

TheYell

2019-06-21, 05:05 PM

which system?

Pathfinder

noob

2019-06-21, 05:21 PM

Pathfinder

you must have staked a lot of speed boosts to withdraw through a whole dungeon in one action.

OccamsSword

2019-06-22, 05:04 PM

* When in a mountain lined with veins of explosive ore, I may not fire my pistol, even if the target is an ooze and I think the bullet will "just stick there".

Lord Raziere

2019-06-23, 10:39 PM

* My wizard cannot proclaim "magic is just a nonsense word used by the superstitious. Nothing is magic."
** My wizards goal cannot be to redefine all of spellcasting in clearer terms so that ignorant people stop using the phrase "its magic, I don't have to explain it."
*** my incantation for fireball cannot be "cause combustion and from the resulting thermal reaction to form a spherical shape then launch itself into people designated my enemies through a currently unidentified force manipulated by vocal and visual hand signals that can't possibly be magic because it exists and therefore has to fit in and make sense with the rest of the universe so that reality does not fall apart."
**** when people say "magic" I cannot constantly correct them with "its not magic its Unidentified Verbally-Visually Manipulated Force or UVVM Force for short."
***** nor can I says "its not a spell, its a specific reaction that occurs in response to specific combination of sound and visual medium based stimuli for yet unidentified reasons."
****** May not play a wizard that doesn't believe anything is magic.

Comaward

2019-06-24, 02:42 PM

*I am no longer allowed to use an alchemy jug to create a gallon of chlorine trifluoride.

noob

2019-06-24, 03:13 PM

*I am no longer allowed to use an alchemy jug to create a gallon of chlorine trifluoride.

**chains of nitrogen are also forbidden.
***Dioxygen Difluoride is not allowed either.
**** C2N14 is forbidden too even if it was made by Klapötke.

ideasmith

2019-06-24, 03:36 PM

**chains of nitrogen are also forbidden.
***Dioxygen Difluoride is not allowed either.
**** C2N14 is forbidden too even if it was made by Klapötke.

*****Resubliminated Thiotilomene is right out.

noob

2019-06-24, 04:21 PM

*****Resubliminated Thiotilomene is right out.

****** in the same grouping (fictional chemicals) red mercury is forbidden.

Adrastos42

2019-06-24, 05:38 PM

****** in the same grouping (fictional chemicals) red mercury is forbidden.
******* In fact, let's say no in-game use of dangerous chemicals you wouldn't bring to the table irl.
********WAIT NO SCRATCH THAT

Excession

2019-06-24, 06:25 PM

*** my incantation for fireball cannot be "cause combustion and from the resulting thermal reaction to form a spherical shape then launch itself into people designated my enemies through a currently unidentified force manipulated by vocal and visual hand signals that can't possibly be magic because it exists and therefore has to fit in and make sense with the rest of the universe so that reality does not fall apart."
**** No, "from evocation import fireball; fireball()" is not better.
* May not write a Python script that plays my character for me.

LordCdrMilitant

2019-06-25, 01:10 PM

**** No, "from evocation import fireball; fireball()" is not better.
* May not write a Python script that plays my character for me.

** Nor in C++.
SpellSlot spellSlot31(3, "Fireball");
spellSlot31.cast(45, 0.71, 0.52);
*** Maybe MATLAB would be OK

I actually onetime wrote a program in Java that conducted combat for a D&D character in one of my CS classes a long time ago. It wasn't very efficient.

*In a setting where I can absorb traits from slain monsters "Swallow Whole" is not one that I can absorb :P.

Guizonde

2019-06-25, 03:44 PM

*In a setting where I can absorb traits from slain monsters "Swallow Whole" is not one that I can absorb :P.

*just because a dragon chomps me does not give me a free pass to chomp it in return.
**that goes for my mount, too.
***coincidentally, i'm preemptively banned the dragon rider class, as well as any race that can indeed swallow whole.
****there are no sarlaccs in dnd. quit trying to freak out the players.

noob

2019-06-25, 04:04 PM

*just because a dragon chomps me does not give me a free pass to chomp it in return.
**that goes for my mount, too.
***coincidentally, i'm preemptively banned the dragon rider class, as well as any race that can indeed swallow whole.
****there are no sarlaccs in dnd. quit trying to freak out the players.

*****If roughly half of the monsters can use swallow whole onto you and is 2 or 3 size categories bigger than you maybe you should start playing a travel cleric.
******If dragons that expects to meet you all use some way to shapechange in order to gain the swallow whole ability(which is not an innate ability for dragons) because they think the standard greeting in your culture is swallowing you then maybe you should reconsider your choices in your adventurer life.

Rater202

2019-06-29, 01:18 AM

I cannot hum Soul Bossa Nova while on an international espionage mission.

Anonymouswizard

2019-07-03, 12:41 PM

* If anybody in the group is arachnophobic then I cannot make them fight a spider made of spiders.
** A scorpion made of spiders is no better.

* If the NPCS are going to mess with a PC's memories I am to ask permission first.

* The PCS should be expecting to survive most fights.
** Especially the first fight.
*** Especially the journey to the first fight.
**** Especially character creation.

jintoya

2019-07-04, 02:31 PM

*I am no longer allowed to use an alchemy jug to create a gallon of chlorine trifluoride.

Did something similar, our party rogue made me mad, so I labeled 2 jars tied to one another "alchemical wish, just mix"
The result was chlorine gas... He stole it, mixed it in his tent... And promptly died.

Guizonde

2019-07-04, 02:51 PM

Did something similar, our party rogue made me mad, so I labeled 2 jars tied to one another "alchemical wish, just mix"
The result was chlorine gas... He stole it, mixed it in his tent... And promptly died.

that is disgusting. good thing i've got a very talented giant rabbit alchemist on the backburner just in case the dm isn't feeling nice with the random encounters. so far, he's made gunpowder, napalm, thermite, and hot sauce. guess it's time to reinforce his german engineer eugenicist stereotype. it's been at least two sessions since i've lost alignment points.

jintoya

2019-07-04, 02:57 PM

that is disgusting. good thing i've got a very talented giant rabbit alchemist on the backburner just in case the dm isn't feeling nice with the random encounters. so far, he's made gunpowder, napalm, thermite, and hot sauce. guess it's time to reinforce his german engineer eugenicist stereotype. it's been at least two sessions since i've lost alignment points.
That sounds like a fun campaign.

For context though, I was the guy in our party who enchanted gear and we had no cleric, so I took alchemy to hand out healing potions... The rogue was stealing and pawning our things on his watch, so I made a "wish potion"...I didn't think he would huff the resulting acid gas

One of my party members, upon finding the rogue said "it really WAS a wish potion!"

Guizonde

2019-07-05, 12:37 AM

That sounds like a fun campaign.

For context though, I was the guy in our party who enchanted gear and we had no cleric, so I took alchemy to hand out healing potions... The rogue was stealing and pawning our things on his watch, so I made a "wish potion"...I didn't think he would huff the resulting acid gas

One of my party members, upon finding the rogue said "it really WAS a wish potion!"

it is. the group plays 2 characters in two different teams. one the mirror opposite of the other. i played a chaotic neutral freak named josé who was self-centered, rash, brash, and suicidally confident due to his youth. his opposite is grandpapy bunny, arms dealer and alchemist, loving father and sire of a family of 200.

regarding the party member's quote? that's the sickest burn outside of a plague fire i can think of.

jintoya

2019-07-05, 10:23 AM

it is. the group plays 2 characters in two different teams. one the mirror opposite of the other. i played a chaotic neutral freak named josé who was self-centered, rash, brash, and suicidally confident due to his youth. his opposite is grandpapy bunny, arms dealer and alchemist, loving father and sire of a family of 200.

regarding the party member's quote? that's the sickest burn outside of a plague fire i can think of.

200?
Does he have any OTHER hobbies? Jeez.

Guizonde

2019-07-06, 10:04 AM

200?
Does he have any OTHER hobbies? Jeez.

not my fault, actually, but the dm's. i asked for an arbitrarily large family since the character is pushing on 167 years old, what with descendants and all. the dm, using the classical trope of "breeding like rabbits" just said "here's 200 followers. hope that's enough."

so my phrasing was a bit off, but that does include grandchildren, nieces, nephews, cousins etc... it's a very large family or tribe.

as a hobby, the giant bunny enjoys poetry and fireworks.

jintoya

2019-07-06, 11:05 AM

not my fault, actually, but the dm's. i asked for an arbitrarily large family since the character is pushing on 167 years old, what with descendants and all. the dm, using the classical trope of "breeding like rabbits" just said "here's 200 followers. hope that's enough."

so my phrasing was a bit off, but that does include grandchildren, nieces, nephews, cousins etc... it's a very large family or tribe.

as a hobby, the giant bunny enjoys poetry and fireworks.

Oh, alright, that makes more sense, at 167 years of age, he's got 3-4 generations infront if him (but let's not get into historical accuracy in a fantasy game)

jintoya

2019-07-08, 04:34 PM

* stuff the DMpc's cigar full of black powder

* "Solve" problem pc issues by (if it's me) swan diving of a cliff and submitting a new character for approval or (if it isn't me) assisting another pc in a "lesson in momentum mitigation"

* Telling the warforged "yes, you beat that rust monster, but you're still a wuss compared to the rust dragon" and egging him on to fight it

* Doing anything John Cena does to rile up a crowd before turning on ghost sound and ruining any semblance of immersion
** Especially mid-fight

* Rolling a spot to find "the hot orc"
** Insisting the DM tell me if I succeeded
*** When the DM confirms it, I won't buy her a drink "from our party's Bard/Paladin/[face character]" just to see what happens.

* My primary goal for half the session should not be set-up for shenanigans
** Even if it's really funny

* I'm not allowed to upstage the Bard with a surprise performance of "somebody kill me please" from The Wedding Singer starring Adam Sandler

* The best distraction is always a 7' orc barbarian in a tutu, but I should not always resort to it first.
** I may no longer convince the orc that it's "magic distraction chants" or "warpaint of intimidation"

* Rolling a 1 on failing does not mean I succeeded

Guizonde

2019-07-08, 04:42 PM

* My primary goal for half the session should not be set-up for shenanigans
** Even if it's really funny

you too? bummer...

* The best distraction is always a 7' orc barbarian in a tutu, but I should not always resort to it first.

not true. you're thinking of an exploding 7' orc barbarian in a tutu. i've yet to find something that makes even blind men do googly eyes better than that. also, don't look at the explosion, you've got shenanigans to do.

jintoya

2019-07-08, 05:06 PM

you too? bummer...

not true. you're thinking of an exploding 7' orc barbarian in a tutu. i've yet to find something that makes even blind men do googly eyes better than that. also, don't look at the explosion, you've got shenanigans to do.

Exploding..... Hmm, tome to begin compiling a list if things that explode without killing the barbarian.... Or tutu (you know how hard it is to find one that barely fits him?!) Because: unlimited reloads

Laughing Dog

2019-07-08, 08:10 PM

*creating characters that have an effectively permanent +50% chance to hit/avoid is mean.
**Having said characters being given heavy armor and a horse is rude.
***Naming the character leading them after Erwin Rommel is not to happen.

*If, on the bizarre chance that a GM crazy enough to run a Tabletop Fire Emblem campaign with the mechanics being based on Awakening and is willing to allow versions of Skills from different games exists; I am by no means to create a character with as high a luck cap as possible, Armsthrift, PoR version of Miracle, and Despoil. Functionally immortal characters are bad form. Giving that character the ability to turn enemies into gold and never break weapon again is just wrong.Miracle in Fire emblem Path of Radiance Had a percent chance based on the characters luck. If that character would ever go below 1 hp miracle could activate and instead keep them at 1 hp. In Fire Emblem Awakening, Miracle will not activate if the character is at 1 hp. It is also possible in Awakening to create a character with an effective luck score of 100. Armsthrift creates a chance to not use up a weapon's use. Despoil gives the character a chance to spawn a small bullion (worth 1000 gold) upon attacking and killing an enemy. Armsthrift, Despoil, and Miracle are all percentile chances based on the character's luck score.

LordCdrMilitant

2019-07-09, 03:57 PM

***Naming the character leading them after Erwin Rommel is not to happen.

Yeah. That might be on the line of tacky.

jintoya

2019-07-10, 11:02 AM

* when my DM let's me play a character who comes back from the dead, I should not use explosives as clothing "just in case"

* When the question I consider for a tender/tense/important moment is "what would Bugs Bunny, the Warner Brothers, Beetlejuice or freakazoid do?" It's time to consult the DM before my next action

*I am no longer allowed in the throne room
** Especially during an emergency

* No more buying walnuts to make an irritating joke with (hint: "Deez")

* it's in bad form to see how similar my backstory can be to a real life evil dictator before the DM goes "this sounds familiar"
** I should not also take leadership
*** After the game, if I got away with it, I'm not allowed to show everyone who "Uncle Joe" was actually....the whole time.

* Orchestrating elaborate plots should be the job of the DM
** When I am thrown a plot hook, my first instinct should not be too see how strong the "line" is, be a good fish for once!

* Giving myself a high AC should not be "so the party can't hit me"
** Impersonating the bad guy is best done when the rest of the party knows you are doing it.

* I shouldn't ever be running around covering myself with only a live (and rather distraught) chicken

* I'm not allowed to point out to the paladin that "it's always alright when you do it" (referring to murder or trespassing)

Anonymouswizard

2019-07-19, 04:45 PM

* If I describe my character concept as 'sane' it is expected that my character have hands.
** A basic understanding of human society is also ideal.
*** As would be a way to communicate with the rest of the party.

* All rabbits must obey the speed limit.
** Once I've got a handle on the laws of society my character can sniff at the laws of physics.

Katrina

2019-07-22, 04:07 AM

Scion 2E:
* Using the Trickster knacks to make doppelgangers should not be used to become the villain of another Band's campaign.
* I should really learn to supress the giggling fits when the gm gives me "that look".
* The Gm should have saw it coming when my first Legendary title was "Thief of Power" and his enemies were using magic rings to escape.
*Convincing everyone that I stole the Moon's chariot to cover for Loki will go poorly for me eventually.

Pathfinder:
* Curse of Burning Sleep is not a prank.

danielxcutter

2019-07-22, 09:02 AM

Pathfinder:
* Curse of Burning Sleep is not a prank.

...Okay, what does that do?

Guizonde

2019-07-22, 11:04 AM

Pathfinder:
* Curse of Burning Sleep is not a prank.

**neither are explosive runes.
*** especially on underwear or socks.

Anonymouswizard

2019-07-22, 03:54 PM

**neither are explosive runes.
*** especially on underwear or socks.

**** Especially not on every page of the wizard's spellbound.

Telok

2019-07-22, 05:55 PM

I am no longer allowed to put a perfectly reasonable and normal Elven Imperial Navy hostile space supply depot, with a perfectly reasonable number of regular troops, on the same planet that the PCs are going to for pirate hunting.

I am no longer allowed to forget that my players alignments are 'greedy/stabby' regardless of what alignment their characters are.

I am no longer allowed massed automatic weapons and grenades in 60 meter long bare concrete corridors.

Katrina

2019-07-23, 03:52 AM

...Okay, what does that do?
It is a spell that pretends to do nothing when you first cast it. It sits on the target, waiting until an hour after he has gone to sleep. Then he bursts into flame, taking up to 8d6 fire damage and setting him on fire.

The Gm did not appreciate it for the big bad's cameo.

Lord Torath

2019-07-23, 08:11 AM

It is a spell that pretends to do nothing when you first cast it. It sits on the target, waiting until an hour after he has gone to sleep. Then he bursts into flame, taking up to 8d6 fire damage and setting him on fire.Does... does the spell allow you to wake up after catching fire? :smalleek:

The Gm did not appreciate it for the big bad's cameo.Oh, man. That is just... wow. Yeah, you can never let your BBEGs interact with the PCs before the big fight... :smallbiggrin:

* I may no longer allow the PCs to have any direct interaction with the BBEG before the final confrontation, lest they hit him/her/it with Curse of the Burning Sleep.

danielxcutter

2019-07-23, 09:30 AM

Wow, and I thought Explosive Runes was bad enough.

Katrina

2019-07-23, 11:04 PM

Does... does the spell allow you to wake up after catching fire? :smalleek:

It explicitly wakes you up. But you do wake up on fire, hurt, and likely confused. The Gm made this big show of security being heightened at the noble's house when we tracked him back later. It is unlikely to kill at the level you get it unless your enemy is already wounded, but it is a great way to make sure someone doesn't really escape your wrath.

JMS

2019-07-24, 07:57 PM

It explicitly wakes you up. But you do wake up on fire, hurt, and likely confused. The Gm made this big show of security being heightened at the noble's house when we tracked him back later. It is unlikely to kill at the level you get it unless your enemy is already wounded, but it is a great way to make sure someone doesn't really escape your wrath.

To make it even more fun, make a contingency which teleports the party to the BBEG when the spell goes off.

Squire Doodad

2019-07-24, 10:22 PM

To make it even more fun, make a contingency which teleports the party to the BBEG when the spell goes off.

Have contingency which casts a spell which in turn scans for and thanks to a bit of tinkering triggers magic of a certain type. Rig it to search for and trigger Contingency. Run. Watch as the GM's plan for having the Leaders of the Unholy Magi survive their first encounter with the players gets screwed over.

JMS

2019-07-26, 08:32 AM

Have contingency which casts a spell which in turn scans for and thanks to a bit of tinkering triggers magic of a certain type. Rig it to search for and trigger Contingency. Run. Watch as the GM's plan for having the Leaders of the Unholy Magi survive their first encounter with the players gets screwed over.

That's brilliant!!

danielxcutter

2019-07-26, 08:50 AM

That's brilliant!!

I don't get it. What's the Contingency supposed to trigger?

JAL_1138

2019-08-12, 12:30 PM

*My character-tree cannot consist entirely of bastard half-siblings who all descend from the same bard and who therefore all inherited his terrible fashion sense and obnoxious French accent.

JAL_1138

2019-08-18, 08:46 AM

*Apparently, referring to Rouboute Guilliman as “Rowboat Gila-monster” is HERESY.

Malak'ai

2019-08-20, 04:02 PM

*Apparently, referring to Rouboute Guilliman as “Rowboat Gila-monster” is HERESY.

*Calling him Rowboat Girly-man will get you an "Imperial Fisting" from Marius Calgar.

Anonymouswizard

2019-08-20, 04:17 PM

*Calling him Rowboat Girly-man will get you an "Imperial Fisting" from Marius Calgar.

** Cannot complain that that's a different Chapter.

Lord Raziere

2019-08-20, 04:33 PM

* may not weaponize Capsules so I can fire the following things: chlorine trifluoride, various deadly gasses, partial storage capsules, singularities, miniature stars, anti-matter, poison, pikabots, or anything else of similar danger
** even if using these things a normal gunner can get even with a DBZ ki user using this kind of ammo
*** "Capsule Gunner" will never be a viable DBZ fighter concept.

Malak'ai

2019-08-20, 05:25 PM

** Cannot complain that that's a different Chapter.

*** Must stop making If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Divice references if not 100% sure if the current audience has seen it.

danielxcutter

2019-08-21, 09:12 AM

*Calling him Rowboat Girly-man will get you an "Imperial Fisting" from Marius Calgar.

**If he tries to "give you advice", say no unless you want an "I CAST FIST" to the face, especially if said face is less durable than an Eldar Wraith Titan.

Malak'ai

2019-08-22, 06:41 AM

**If he tries to "give you advice", say no unless you want an "I CAST FIST" to the face, especially if said face is less durable than an Eldar Wraith Titan.

***And for the love of the God Emperor, do not mention the Ultramarines record of accomplishments unless you want to see Papa Smurf's head explode from confusion.
****Actually, do that... Please do that as quickly as you can.

Lord Raziere

2019-08-22, 09:10 AM

***And for the love of the God Emperor, do not mention the Ultramarines record of accomplishments unless you want to see Papa Smurf's head explode from confusion.
****Actually, do that... Please do that as quickly as you can.

***** But really whatever you do, DO NOT mention Cato Sicarious
****** Or start talking like him. That will end you.

danielxcutter

2019-08-22, 09:14 AM

Lord Raziere

2019-08-22, 09:33 AM

*****It's the Man-Emperor of Mankind, nowadays.

****** May not demand gender equality and have a Woman-Empress of Womenkind rule along side him.

malachi

2019-08-22, 10:44 AM

*****It's the Man-Emperor of Mankind, nowadays.

****** May not demand gender equality and have a Woman-Empress of Womenkind rule along side him.

******* Or age equality and have an Child-Emperor/ess of Childhood

* I am no longer allowed to cast fireball while inside a ship.
** Not even if it's not our ship and is responsible for taking out 7/9 of the enemies.
*** Even if the exploded enemies had just betrayed and ambushed us.

* I am no longer allowed to trust supposedly friendly NPCs I find using my character's background features.

Anonymouswizard

2019-08-22, 10:55 AM

*****It's the Man-Emperor of Mankind, nowadays.

****** May not demand gender equality and have a Woman-Empress of Womenkind rule along side him.

******* Or suggest combine both into a Person-Emperor of Mankind.
******** The Emperor is not LGBTQ+.

Guizonde

2019-08-22, 10:56 AM

* if i am to call shots to the nether regions on an opponent, i'd better make sure said opponent has the nether regions in question beforehand.
** i cannot castrate a galleon.
*** i most definitely cannot litterally kick its rear-end so far into next week it lands on thursday afternoon.
**** i can, surprisingly, with the correct feats and class combination, do it to a humanoid though.

Anonymouswizard

2019-08-22, 12:03 PM

** i cannot castrate a galleon.
*** i most definitely cannot litterally kick its rear-end so far into next week it lands on thursday afternoon.

I'm fairly certain that there's a Sidereal Martial Art that'll allow you :smallwink:

* I am not allowed to touch Exalted.
** No, not even then.
*** Considering how immoral and shifty my characters act when mortal, any systemt that allows me to play a theif-sorcerer-demigod is prohibited.

TheYell

2019-08-22, 02:52 PM

*may not send spam Messages telling random people to send on the Message within 5 days or die

JAL_1138

2019-08-22, 09:20 PM

*It’s apparently bad form for a villain to give a virulent zombie plague with a long incubation period (and that the villain’s organization is inoculated against) to a kidnapped hostage the heroes are going to rescue.
**Can’t file the serial numbers off streaming-service tv series plots.

*Not allowed to point out that Umbrella could have avoided everything that went wrong if it wasn’t apparently company policy to shoot their own scientists due to corporate chronic backstabbing disorder.

PhoenixPhyre

2019-09-03, 11:56 AM

For my adult siblings' sake, I'm not allowed to introduce D&D to their kids. At least not any more.

It's become...infectious. One 9 (?) year-old is going full world-building and running games of his own (no published adventures, just the books), making his own maps and terrain, painting minis, the whole bit. I think he's going to be pretty good at it. Another 11 year old has gone on a character building spree--working on his 7th character including using UA material and other books. I feel proud for being the catalyst to a new generation.

SleepyShadow

2019-09-03, 01:38 PM

*I'm no longer allowed to have my dwarf use Stonecunning by licking the walls.

TheYell

2019-09-04, 02:47 AM

I'd insist on that, it's actually a thing

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-geologists-lick-rocks

Wookieetank

2019-09-04, 08:42 AM

I'd insist on that, it's actually a thing

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-geologists-lick-rocks

As someone with a geologist degree, I'll second this. I've had tests where the only way to tell samples apart was by taste.

malachi

2019-09-04, 12:04 PM

*I'm no longer allowed to have my dwarf use Stonecunning by licking the walls.

I'd insist on that, it's actually a thing

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-geologists-lick-rocks

As someone with a geologist degree, I'll second this. I've had tests where the only way to tell samples apart was by taste.

** I'm no longer allowed to bring realistic real-world reasons for extremely silly in-game actions.

From my last session:
* No longer allowed to be a sensible person and hide in a corner when one PC's jailbreak attempt turns out comically bad, especially when we didn't need to be broken out of jail.

Telok

2019-09-05, 10:37 AM

I may no longer inflict npcs named Chundarr the Boobarian on the party without forewarning.

Chundarr may no longer grab a pc, jump 4 meters straight up, and bring them down so hard that the pc's leg flies off.

Chundarr may no longer use the parties zombie minions as clubs to break ribs and cause pcs to start internall hemmoraging.

I may no longer come within one luchador stunt of a total party kill with joke npcs.

Coming soon to an ork karaoke bar near you: Chundarr may no longer turn out to have survived face melting fireballs and a nuclear meltdown in order to force/trick/seduce the pcs to become his/her love interest(s).

Katrina

2019-09-06, 04:01 AM

*** i most definitely cannot litterally kick its rear-end so far into next week it lands on thursday afternoon.

* I was forbidden from doing this with a girly limp wristed slap in Mutants and Masterminds. Despite being a girl with a strength of 0. And Time Manipulation powers.

Segev

2019-09-06, 08:49 AM

Why is casting curse of burning sleep better for keeping the bbeg from escaping your wrath than just hitting him with a damage spell when you otherwise would have cast the curse?

Lord Torath

2019-09-06, 09:33 AM

Well, if the BBEG is surrounded by thugs and soldiers (too many to confront at this particular juncture) and doesn't yet know of your existence, a fireball might announce your presence before you are ready. A misc. saving throw doesn't point directly back to you, so Curse of the Burning Sleep is a stealthier option.

SleepyShadow

2019-09-06, 11:01 AM

Thanks for backing me up on the wall-licking, everyone :smallbiggrin:

*My alchemist may no longer create ammonium nitrate bombs.

JMS

2019-09-06, 06:17 PM

Personification

2019-09-08, 10:06 AM

I just like the fact that Geology is the ONLY branch of science (other than food science) where licking unknown samples is not only not the worst thing you can do, but is actually encouraged.

malachi

2019-09-08, 12:46 PM

I just like the fact that Geology is the ONLY branch of science (other than food science) where licking unknown samples is not only not the worst thing you can do, but is actually encouraged.

In JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, one character licks the protagonist's face to determine that he's lying, so we can add sociology and psychology to that list!

Adrastos42

2019-09-08, 05:42 PM

I think it's also used in Paleontology to see if what you're licking is a fossil or a rock? (Fossils stick to your tongue because they're porous iirc)

*May not use this as excuse to lick any actual living dinosaurs we encounter.
**Or animated dino skeletons, for that matter.

CrazyPenguin

2019-09-08, 07:41 PM

In JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
*If my only justification for an action is "It happened in Jojo," I cannot take that action.

Personification

2019-09-09, 06:30 AM

*If my only justification for an action is "It happened in Jojo," I cannot take that action.

**Even if I'm talking about the claymation kids show with clowns
***ESPECIALLY if I'm talking about the claymation kids show with clowns

PhoenixPhyre

2019-09-09, 06:49 AM

*If my only justification for an action is "It happened in Jojo," I cannot take that action.

Alternate rule:

* If it or anything approximately similar to it happened in Jojo, I cannot take that action. Regardless of other justifications.

JMS

2019-09-14, 08:23 PM

From actual games:
* May not hold off on picking a gender for my character until I see what's more plot-useful

** Ebberon Changelings are an exception, if your DM lets you. - I so want to play the old way too many identities, and powers changing from day to day build.

Flyingbooks42

2019-09-18, 12:08 AM

All from my campaign:

* "Chaotic Garlic Bread" is not an acceptable alignment

* I may not spend more time on the physics, metaphysics, and magic system of my campaign world than on the actual campaign itself
** Especially if nobody else is ever going to know anything about it unless they explicitly decide to research it, which they probably won't do

* "Be able to create a black hole" is not an ability that anybody should ask for when they are level 2

* I may not copy multiple scenes and monsters from a book that exactly one player at the table knows
** Especially if the other players think that it's a Monty Python reference

* The monster that the players are most scared of should not be one of the weakest encounters in the dungeon
** Yes, it's large. And breathes fire. But it's not even 1/100th of the strength of a dragon
*** OH COME ON. It's basically just an overgrown worm. The players should not plan for half an hour to defeat it

* Intimidating the giant rabid poison dart frog with a spear-like tongue is not a valid tactical decision

Malphegor

2019-09-20, 03:14 AM

* I probably am not allowed to mind control the party, but I can set up things so that they can be mind controlled in future by me and/or by the BBEG if they share certain abilities with me

** I probably am not advised to use instant save or die spells 6 rounds into an encounter solely because I have to go home irl and I could have finished the encounter in the first round but chose not to for drama

*** Yes Flour is explosive if in the air as a particulant if exposed to flame due to the surface areas exposed and whatnot. No, that will not work.

Rater202

2019-09-25, 08:10 PM

*I may not rules lawyer a demon into ceasing to exist by arguing the technicalities of a magically binding nonaggression pact we'd previously formed.
**Even though he'd previously claimed that arguing technicalities was the only way such pacts were enforced.

*Nor can I ask if the murder bot would taste good if I ate it.

Personification

2019-09-25, 10:42 PM

*The sentence "Colorless green ideas sleep furiously." Does not insta-kill modrons
** Nor does "This sentence is a lie."
***A dying modron does not repeat the name Norman over and over.

Bromley20

2019-09-26, 05:37 AM

* May no longer cast sleep and painless death to kill the first campaign arc's boss at level 1

* May no longer stack templates on the party's goat to turn it into the Goat of War
** Players may no longer choose templates for anything

* May no longer cast blade of blood on a spear and chase an enemy into the orc spearman

* May no longer kidnap NPCs as a way to get information about a mission

* May no longer throw flaming limbs at people

* May no longer attempt to form a hobo cult by healing them and offering them food, water, and shelter in a ruined church

danielxcutter

2019-09-27, 08:45 AM

Rater202

2019-09-29, 01:02 AM

If the fate of the universe is ever resting on the outcome of a banjo-playing contest between a ten-year-old and the literal devil, something has gone horribly awry.

noob

2019-09-29, 04:20 AM

If the fate of the universe is ever resting on the outcome of a banjo-playing contest between a ten-year-old and the literal devil, something has gone horribly awry.

What?
I believed it was the norm.

I may no longer speak of the uncomfortable costumes fashionable undead wears because they can not feel pain.