Gamer Humor Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permission [Archive] - Page 4

SirBellias

2020-06-05, 02:56 PM

Rockphed

2020-06-05, 08:27 PM

*I may no longer forget to describe the buzzsaw golem until halfway through the combat (sorry guys).

Wait, so you didn't just say "it is a buzzsaw golem" and let your players figure out how doomed they were? Just because they don't know anything about it doesn't mean you can't hack their brains so they know how doomed they are.

danielxcutter

2020-06-07, 12:30 AM

*I may no longer forget to describe the buzzsaw golem until halfway through the combat (sorry guys).

*When designing a world full of factions with complicated goals and reasoning behind their methodology, I may no longer start the campaign with "Alright, these guys kill people and shove their brains into robots."

*May no longer start the introduction scene with the characters happening to meet a few hundred feet from the large military complex they're independently breaking into and hope they get along enough to make it work.

*When planning encounters, may no longer assume the party will use some amount of stealth, when it's clear they will instead opt for running around, kicking things over and shouting at each other.

*Garrisons should not be full of troops.

*Troops should have some possibility of hitting their opponents.

*The main boss of the 1st floor should have really gotten the chance to attack at some point.

(Encounter balance should be much easier now)

...And what system is that?

Wait, so you didn't just say "it is a buzzsaw golem" and let your players figure out how doomed they were? Just because they don't know anything about it doesn't mean you can't hack their brains so they know how doomed they are.

I mean, unless there's some specific context I'd imagine "buzzsaw golem" would get the idea across and any further explaining would merely be decoration and details.

Man on Fire

2020-06-07, 06:36 AM

* may not propose that we play a game as five GM's and one player
** the player may not be a super-ultra chosen one of destiny with incredibly powerful abilities
*** the five GM's may not work together to try and come up with as a group, challenges for this singular hero while providing various npcs
**** may not end up becoming five GM's each making their own big bads and trying to out big bad the others
***** The one player may not sit back and watch this with popcorn while egging on the five big bads to destroy each other so that they can kill the last one when they're weak and not expecting it.
****** may not be surprised when this idea turns into a big mess.

"I enter a cave"
*five dices roll*
"You encounter three bandits..."
"...four Goblins..."
"...a pair of mountain lions."
"...two Orcs...."
"....and a bear. Roll for initiative."

These should work now.
https://youtu.be/RI3fkqA9-IA

Or

https://youtu.be/nEwzFF4HeB8

Funny thing, my thought process was the other way around - I was trying to build up I will sing to people this song...and then started Country Roads.

* Not allowed to burn out all our once-per-game rerolls on clinging up the stairs.
* Upon finding the lair of giant spiders we're not allowed to just walk back to another room, then to the next one, lock the door and write "NOPE" on them.
* Not allowed to do it again upon finding back entry to the same room.
* No longer allowed to try and trick a Ghoul into entering said lair of giant spiders.
* If I keep bringing up the kidnapping the party committed when my character was absent, our tank is allowed to knock my teeth out.
** "Kidnapping people is illegal" doesn't work when everyone in the party has been killing people.
* If GM notes refer to an enemy as "B. Skeleton" we're to assume "B" stands for "Big", not "Benjamin".
* GM is to keep notes about important puzzles straight.
* My character does not have a friend who lives in a barrel and spends free time pecking chickens.

Rater202

2020-06-12, 05:41 AM

*May not spend twenty minutes having an in-character conversation where I try and fail to clear up the misconception about midichlorians*

*To reiterate a previous rule, I cannot play a non-Sith that admires a Sith.
**I can not be a Force Walker being metored by a Holocron containing the Knowledge and Personality of Darth Imperious and following in their footsteps to learn the secret of binding an unlimited number of Ghosts to myself to gan the power to take over the Empire by force and outlaw Slavery.
***Darth Imprius is not stupid enough to show up in person as a Ghost. They're a Force Walker, too. They know the secrets.
****Especially considering that they canonically were modified all to hell to be super durable and know the secrets of using the Dark Side to extend someone's natural life span. They may in fact still be alive.
*****I may not forcibly bind the Ghosts of a Jedi Shadow, a Jedi Sage, a Jedi Sentinel, a Jedi Guardian, a Sith Sorcerer, A Sith Assassin, a Sith Marauder, a Sith Juggernaut, a Voss Mystic, and a force-sensitive Master of Taras Kasi who fell to the Darkside and persisted as a Darkside Ghost.
******This doesn't count as mastering both sides of the Force.

Telok

2020-06-17, 11:07 PM

No: Profession (Evil Overlord) + Craft (Successful Imposter to the Throne)

No: Profession (Benevolent Tyrant) + Craft (Socio-economic Revolution)

No: Profession (Doom Cultist) + Craft (Black Hole)

No: Custom professions or craft skills.

* I may no longer take the warlock class fluff, it's power/ability names, and overall theme, and apply it to playing a character that is mechanically a druid.

** Neither may I put a full druid reskin on the warlock class.

*** Not allowed wizard <-> fighter refluffs either.

**** Especially when my backstory at level 1 is more awesome than the DMNPCs.

* May not contravene the tropes and expectations of the game so hard that, while staying completely in character, I break the DM.

** May not embrace the tropes and expectations of the game & adventure writers so thoroughly that I start causing narrative causality events to happen.

*** May no longer put landmines in my backstory. Literal or figurative, intentional or accidental.

**** No more wrecking the module's plot with backstory places, events, and people, before I even know what module we'll be playing.

* May not point out that a problem with the hot, new, popular, module and/or system was solved in adventures and game systems published before the DM was born.

Rater202

2020-06-19, 01:50 PM

*May not make plans to desecrate graves of two war-heroes-turned-despised-criminals for the sake of furthering my own goals.
**Especially when those goals amount to "become the second coming of Ninja Jesus in order to force a social revolution."
***Even if I can come up with justifications about how it's good for everyone.

Lord Raziere

2020-06-19, 05:11 PM

* May not use preparedness to win against an abusive mother in a duel
** may not proceed to have mother defend the characters actions even though she lost
*** my characters are supposed to suffer humbling defeats in the beginning
**** May not point out that the "humbling defeat" trope works better when used by likable opponents that will plausibly spare you and respect you for your trying and thus not be jerks themselves even if they win.

Telok

2020-06-19, 05:50 PM

While I may rewrite the plot of Peter Pan as a fairy-slaver and mind controlling kidnapper rpg adventure, I absolutely may not expose young children to it as a bedtime story.

Rater202

2020-06-19, 08:39 PM

I may not randomly blurt out that chianti actually pairs poorly with liver and wait to see who gets it.

Xapi

2020-06-20, 03:53 PM

* I'm no longer allowed to ready an Action to attack anything that crosses a door "unless I respect it enough to let it live" when there's still party members on the other side.
** I certainly may not giggle excitedly when the DM says "given your characters track record, if the monk goes through the door, I'm rolling to see if you respect him enough or not.".
*** It is in poor form to announce after the session that seeing the DM roll to see if I would attack the monk was the highlight of the campaign so far, even if the roll failed and there was no attack.

danielxcutter

2020-06-20, 06:43 PM

An Ewok who can use Force Lightning is not an Ewokation specialist.

BlueHamsterBean

2020-06-20, 08:08 PM

*May not casually talk about cutting up the captive vampire spawn with my hatchet to counteract his regeneration and keep him weak.
**Seriously, I know this is a game, but you’re a doctor in real life: the cognitive dissonance is making this a bit spooky.
***May not unwittingly intimidate the GM into ruling that vampire spawn can choose not to regenerate.

*May not refer to my pockets as “The Trouser Compartment” with no explanation.
**May not insist The Trouser Compartment is an interdimensional storage space in my pants for all my prized items.
***May not take actions to make this worryingly plausible.

*Yes, as a red mage you have a fabulous hat, but you have other, greater, priorities, don’t you?
**May not suggest that the red mage’s hat is a brain parasite controlling his every action.
***Even if it would explain his many eccentricities.

Rater202

2020-06-22, 04:30 PM

The game is over when you've successfully eaten Darth Vader in order to steal his midichlorians for your own use.

Wookieetank

2020-06-24, 09:55 AM

*May not refer to my pockets as “The Trouser Compartment” with no explanation.
**May not insist The Trouser Compartment is an interdimensional storage space in my pants for all my prized items.
***May not take actions to make this worryingly plausible.

****May not replace my back pockets with bags of holding.
*****May not refer to their contents as "Junk in my trunk"

moonfly7

2020-06-25, 01:59 PM

* I may never again make a warlock pact with a unicorn so that my moonblades sentience can take a physical body whenever it wants.
* I cannot marry my moonblades new physical form
* I cannot plan any of the above without at least telling the rest of the party
*If I do keep it secret I have no right to be surprised that everyone needs 1 whole in game hour to understand what I've done
*I'm not allowed to cry during my fictional barbarians wedding to his sword. I won't even when the Paladin of the goddess of debauchery(A PC) gives a surprisingly heartfelt and beautiful ceremony. I won't cry, I won't(Spoiler, I cried)

BlueHamsterBean

2020-06-25, 03:59 PM

****May not replace my back pockets with bags of holding.
*****May not refer to their contents as "Junk in my trunk"
******May not complain when enemy archers begin attaching portable holes to their arrows and making called shots to my “trunk.”

TeChameleon

2020-06-25, 10:21 PM

* I am not allowed to be surprised when, upon throwing a portion of the substance in a barrel full of viscous semi-liquid against the wall, my teammate discovers that said barrel is full of nitroglycerine.
** Nor is my fighter allowed to say, very calmly (despite having been in the path of the shockwave), "And what have we learned?", only to conclude after a flip reply, "So, nothing, as usual."

SirBellias

2020-06-26, 01:11 AM

...And what system is that?

Gestalt E6 madness. With extra steps. My GMing gears are getting back to work, and my best times running games have been lower level 3.5e and silly amounts of sandboxing. This time, the group rejected the most bare-bones level of cohesion I asked for, while all independently commenting that the party being all in one organization is a great idea (without actually doing it), so they accidentally helped each other kill some affably evil robots.

I mean, unless there's some specific context I'd imagine "buzzsaw golem" would get the idea across and any further explaining would merely be decoration and details.

There was no context. I failed to use the term "buzzsaw golem" the entire fight, then described it three rounds into its presence. I'm not the normal DM :smalltongue:

EDIT: Also:

*May not assume that all Chaotic Evil beings somehow share an allegiance with each other.
**Not even the sentient war picks.

*May not have such a chaotic party that 2/3rds of the party are being baited into staying in a collapsing building by a glorified Google Home while the other 3rd are collapsing the building without telling anyone.
**No, it's not my fault you can't communicate with each other.
***Yes, the entirety of all conversations and abilities you used in the facility were both recorded and sent into their main processing bank.
****Should not hide said Google Home's brain(s) as well as I did. You'd think the weird unexplained gap in the battlemat was enough, but I digress.

*Yes, you can get the Grey Render to follow you around with snacks. Yes, it will get hungry eventually.

*When approaching the largest and most advanced city on the plane, on the border of the evil brain sucking robot empire, one should not approach from the robot empire side.
**Especially not with a Grey Render. Which is now hungry.
***Despite all insistence to the contrary, the scythe grafted to its arm does not qualify it as "farming equipment."

*No, the easily recognized 8 foot tall rogue angel belonging to a cult frowned upon in most places would not, on second thought, be allowed into the research base.
**Shouting his name in every situation does not help his case.

*Yes, the small goblins on even smaller horses charging around with the Doom Cult's insignia on them are adorable.
**No, that's not a good enough excuse to let them approach the gates, much less come back into the city.

*May not have the first wizard they find have a sign that has "WiZZARD" painted on it.
**No, the tent may not be smaller on the inside.
***May no longer steal NPC's mannerisms from other friends games.
****Even if they'd be proud.

*"Did I ever tell you about the time I killed a dragon?" should not have a different story every time.
**It makes the shopkeep less trustworthy, for one.
***May no longer have the crazed wizard tell them to bring them a different magical beast in exchange for a possibly enchanted sword.
****May not assume that the party won't decide wholesale that this is a much more profitable venture than their other life and death quests are.

*May no longer have the Identify spell need the wizard to drink a whole bottle of wine with each casting.

noob

2020-06-27, 09:35 AM

*"Did I ever tell you about the time I killed a dragon?" should not have a different story every time.
** Even if each story is true.
*** If you killed so many dragons you can tell a different dragon killing story at each time maybe you should actually start investing in dragon slaying equipment instead of always killing dragons in varied ways with random household equipment.
**** No you can not have masterwork sunglasses of dragon slaying especially if you use them by bashing the dragons with the glasses.

Guizonde

2020-06-28, 02:30 PM

*despite goats being extreme omnivores, i may not let the rest of the party encourage my automatic combat goat to litterally chew the scenery.
**i guess i'm now allowed to have an automatic combat goat. (FINALLY)
***automatic combat goats do not go "bah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah".
****they go "buuuuuuuuuuurp" while spitting bullets and chunks of the scenery, apparently.

Rater202

2020-06-28, 02:36 PM

*I cannot replicate the existence of dracopyres in any setting.

vasilidor

2020-06-29, 01:28 AM

As a GM, I am not allowed to put anti-matter within reach of the party. within reach of their weapon ranges count as too close.

As a GM, I am not allowed to have more than five villainous schemes running at the same time. Especially if two of them are David Xanatos from different dimensions playing cosmic chess against each other.
As a GM, if I pitch a campaign about busting ghost as ghostbusters, I should probably have more actual ghost busting in the game than fighting aliens and international criminal schemes.

Rater202

2020-06-30, 02:18 PM

*In the future, I should make sure I have potential players before trying to start a game.

BlueHamsterBean

2020-06-30, 03:34 PM

*May not use my character’s skills as an alchemist and real life know how to attempt to make chlorine trifluoride in a fantasy setting.
**May not be put off when the GM says the damage would be typed as fire, poison, or acid, and would be resisted by a lot of the things it might burn in the real world.
***May not point out how ridiculous it is to have a generic “poison” damage type (it’s an abstraction).
****May not ask whether fire damage refers to damage from heat or damage caused by a material rapidly oxidizing.
***** ”Fire” damage is also an abstraction: roll with it.
******No more trying to apply real life physics and chemistry to fantasy settings: it causes too many headaches.

danielxcutter

2020-06-30, 07:48 PM

I’m pretty sure acid would be the closest approximation for damage type.

BlueHamsterBean

2020-06-30, 09:01 PM

I’m pretty sure acid would be the closest approximation for damage type.

I can see how that could work.

It still feels like kind of a mix of all three though from what I’ve read: it disintegrates the material by oxidation (acid, though redox processes are distinct from acid base reactions), generates heat (fire), and creates a lot of hydrofluoric acid (acid and poison: that stuff is nasty...).

Maybe it could cause ongoing damage of each type? Or maybe I’m just overthinking this. :smallredface:

*May not ask what kind of poison is in the generic poison vials we buy.
**May not point out that the GM’s description of the poison’s effect upon administration to skin is closer to that of a strong base.
***Stop overthinking the chemistry of fantasy worlds!

Rater202

2020-06-30, 09:33 PM

May not take notes while listening to Acquisitions Incorporated.

Drakeburn

2020-07-01, 01:12 AM

* I shouldn't start campaigns when I don't have anything prepared. Making things up on the fly isn't my strong suit apparently.
** No, a Quick Start Character Generator alone doesn't make up for the lack of prepared encounters or plot.
*** Having the first encounter ready and written out while hoping to fill in the rest of the campaign (or at least the next encounter) before the encounter is over doesn't work.
**** Having the first two encounters ready and written out while hoping to finish making the next adventure doesn't work either.

* I should not have boss fights for the first encounter of almost every game I run.
** I shouldn't justify this with the fact that the PCs can take out my boss encounters within 3 or less rounds of combat.
*** I should probably break the habit of having every boss a mindless monster that can't be reasoned with.

Man on Fire

2020-07-01, 06:00 PM

* If the GM told us last session we didn't derail his campaign enteirly, this is not a challenge.
** Just because an NPC that basically our Ganbdalf is manipulative, controlling jerk and clearly trying to indoctrinate one of PCs little sister doesn't give any ouf us permission to stab her in front of her entire entourage of loyal supporters
*** If a PC talks the NPC out of killing a PC who just stabbed said NPC and instead just curse her, not allowed to threaten to put an arrow through said NPC's head if she proceeds with the cursing.
**** Realizing an NPC in question is determined to convince everyone she mad a right choice is not a sign to try to escalate the whole thing.
** If one of PCs spent whole session hugging her dog and hiding behind her wagon that is a sign we have crossed the point when this all should stop.
*** If said PC is quietly preparing her wagon to just ride away from here, this does not mean we should try a daring escape to hop onto her wagon.
**** Especially not if we didn't notice when she told us she is driving away 10 minutes ago.
***** Said daring escape should not consist of party slowly dragging unconcious body of the unconcious and one traumatized child NPC to where they think the wagon is, while every NPC gangs on us.
** Not allowed to traumatize children by showing them severed body parts of their parents sent to us as a threat from the mob.
** Abhorring violence so much you are threatening to kill people who do violence makes no sense.
*** A sentence "when was my character ever acting logical?" must never be said by any of the players.

TeChameleon

2020-07-03, 01:26 AM

I can see how that could work.

It still feels like kind of a mix of all three though from what I’ve read: it disintegrates the material by oxidation (acid, though redox processes are distinct from acid base reactions), generates heat (fire), and creates a lot of hydrofluoric acid (acid and poison: that stuff is nasty...).

Maybe it could cause ongoing damage of each type? Or maybe I’m just overthinking this. :smallredface:

"Acid" is not the first thing that comes to mind when it produces reactions like this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4l56AfUTnQ)... (for those that don't read French, the things being exposed to CLF3, aka Chlorine Trifluoride, are in order, Plexiglass, Rubber Gloves, Clean Leather, Dirty Leather, (Gas) Mask, Wood, and Glove + Water). Always fun when the stuff you're working with makes your safety equipment explode.

... my epic-level wizard once transmuted Orcus' eyeballs into this stuff. He wasn't happy.

So, I suppose, on-topic:

* May no longer use knowledge of chemistry to horrifically traumatize deities.

DeTess

2020-07-03, 03:56 AM

*When building an encounter for new players to Lancer I shouldn't design the opposing team based on things like 'synergy', 'tactics' or 'having a proper plan'.
**not even when it's totally in character for the relevant NPC's.
***especially since I designed those too.
****I should then not assume that the PC's will beat this team of NPC's in short order, just because they have nominally stronger and sturdier mechs.
*****I certainly shouldn't be surprised if the well-build synergistic team proceeds to punch well above their weight class and forms a genuine threat to the players, despite having less than half their total hp and only vaguely comparable damage output.

BlueHamsterBean

2020-07-03, 06:37 AM

"Acid" is not the first thing that comes to mind when it produces reactions like this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4l56AfUTnQ)... (for those that don't read French, the things being exposed to CLF3, aka Chlorine Trifluoride, are in order, Plexiglass, Rubber Gloves, Clean Leather, Dirty Leather, (Gas) Mask, Wood, and Glove + Water). Always fun when the stuff you're working with makes your safety equipment explode.

... my epic-level wizard once transmuted Orcus' eyeballs into this stuff. He wasn't happy.

So, I suppose, on-topic:

* May no longer use knowledge of chemistry to horrifically traumatize deities.

That’s about as horrifying as I’d imagined: I’d only read about the chemical previously. Thanks for sharing this video!

My main question was whether “fire” damage is caused by oxidation or exposure to heat... though considering that a lot of fire damage is described as burns the answer seems obvious now (facepalm). (Also, now that I think about it, the examples of heat damage to a human body from short exposures that don’t involve oxidation seem... niche to say the least.)

Kinda bugs me that, RAW, really any creature with the proper damage immunity could shrug this off, but maybe that’s where magic comes in? Or maybe just say it ignores damage immunity and resistance.

I never thought I’d say this, but I pity Orcus. 0.0

**May not be annoyed when said deity uses their basic knowledge of physics, namely the bit about force, mass, and acceleration, to pancake me with their massive weapon.

TeChameleon

2020-07-03, 06:54 PM

My old wizard has had a simmering hatred for Orcus since about the first or second level, although the epic level fight (which was basically a sendoff for our old characters we had run through two long campaigns) was when the serious shenanigans happened. Our lowbie characters from the campaign we had started recently had been captured, and, courtesy of plot and Orcus being kind of a petty ****, had ended up in a demiplane Orcus had created. The fight started as our old characters brought in the cavalry... as in, Bahamut, the Raven Queen, and I think Moradin..? while Orcus had Tiamat there, and a full-blown godwar erupted on the demiplane, complete with archons and fiends and whatnot happily murdering one another.

Anyways, my wizard decided that he was going to be the diversion. Cue nonsense, with some standouts being the aforementioned transmutation of Orcus' eyeballs into ClF3...

- Using a carefully-timed and -aimed shot to make one of Tiamat's heads try to eat the others (details are a bit fuzzy, it was years ago)

- Maze-ing Orcus (ironically, the simplest thing I did was what actually attracted comment, as I described it as my wizard 'waving his hand a bit, and then Orcus vanished with a *pop*')

- Discovering that this version of Orcus was once human, time-travelling to the past mid-battle (long story involving a sentient airship, time gods, a misfired Wish, and a lot of other silliness), polymorphing human not-yet-Orcus into a mouse (paused for breath, and the DM started to describe Orcus briefly transforming into a giant mouse :smalltongue:), then dumped mouse-past!Orcus into a warehouse full of cats, getting him resurrected every time he died, until he was basically catatonic with trauma...

Then returned him to human form, cursed him so that he would remember nothing of all this until I broke the curse, returned to the present exactly when I left, broke the curse... and opened a portal to the para-elemental plane of housecats :smallamused:

- and, as a finale, courtesy of semi-realistic physics and some long-range portals, slapped Orcus in the face with half a dozen relativistic kill vehicles. Thankfully, neither I nor the DM realized at the time that doing that, especially in an atmosphere, should have released enough hard radiation to turn everyone in the demiplane into greasy shadows on the mostly-melted walls :smalleek:

TL:DR-

* I may no longer use time travel and basic psychology to make Orcus scream like a little girl when exposed to housecats

** I may no longer abuse being allowed to have physics and thinking with portals to create relativistic rods-from-god (think 'tungsten telephone poles moving at a significant fraction of the speed of light')

BlueHamsterBean

2020-07-03, 07:39 PM

TL:DR-

* I may no longer use time travel and basic psychology to make Orcus scream like a little girl when exposed to housecats

** I may no longer abuse being allowed to have physics and thinking with portals to create relativistic rods-from-god (think 'tungsten telephone poles moving at a significant fraction of the speed of light')

This was equal parts mad, awesome, and hilarious. :smallbiggrin: Kinda reminds me of the Mr. Welch list chestnut about not giving the BBEG an irrational fear of the blue footed booby.

On another note:
*May not call my damage rolls from vicious mockery “rolling for yak-down.”
**May not propose a setting based on social combat between sentient yaks.
***May not make the prize from these competitions hairs from the opposing yaks’ undercoat.
****Puns, whole sometimes appreciated, are not to have settings built around them.

Rater202

2020-07-04, 03:44 PM

*The boss would really like to know why I felt it was a good idea to steal the Idominous Rex, impregnate it with a Predalien Larva, and pump military-grade enhancement mutagens into it during the entirety of the gestation cycle.

el minster

2020-07-05, 12:42 AM

Kill another player

Anonymouswizard

2020-07-05, 02:27 AM

Kill another player

** If the end result is me, the person playing the game and not my character, going on trial, then I must wait until the other members of the group have left the house.

TeChameleon

2020-07-05, 05:45 AM

el minster

2020-07-05, 11:45 AM

** If the end result is me, the person playing the game and not my character, going on trial, then I must wait until the other members of the group have left the house.

***not even then

Curelomosaurus

2020-07-06, 09:15 AM

Not allowed to use the Drunken Master PrC in an edgy, post-apocalyptic campaign setting.

No matter what the rules say, being drunk does not make me better at negotiating with insane wizards.

Not allowed to play a weresheep commoner.

Not allowed to play a gnome mob boss.

Robbing the dead king after failing to kill his assassins is not an appropriate ritual blessing, even if no one notices.

Not allowed to use Dancing Lights, ghost sound, and bluff to convince everyone that the ghost of the king wants the party rogue to be his heir.

May not put ranks in Handle Humanoid.

May not steal the clothes off of dead party members, even if I really hated them.

Aboleth mucus and a level in beguiler are not an adequate replacement for the wizard.

Taking every speck of dust from every dungeon room is not a productive use of time.

If I have to ask DM permission, the answer is no.

Rockphed

2020-07-06, 10:32 AM

Not allowed to use Dancing Lights, ghost sound, and bluff to convince everyone that the ghost of the king wants the party rogue to be his heir.

* If I try anyway, I should clue the rogue in before I start.
** When the rogue messes things up, I should not try to change the heir to the barbarian with 3 charisma.
*** The ranger's cat animal companion is right out.
**** So is the wizards familiar.

Anonymouswizard

2020-07-07, 07:04 AM

* Going back to the 1940s does not generate Moon Maidens, Mars Amazons, or in fact any other form of celestial body-based attractive women.

Man on Fire

2020-07-07, 02:10 PM

This was equal parts mad, awesome, and hilarious. :smallbiggrin: Kinda reminds me of the Mr. Welch list chestnut about not giving the BBEG an irrational fear of the blue footed booby.

It also works since Welch's favorite setting is Mystara, where Orcus was once a mortal.

* Not allowed to get more offended someone tries to buy me for a bunch of cheap weapons than about the fact someone tries to buy me.

BlueHamsterBean

2020-07-07, 02:32 PM

It also works since Welch's favorite setting is Mystara, where Orcus was once a mortal.

* Not allowed to get more offended someone tries to buy me for a bunch of cheap weapons than about the fact someone tries to buy me.

Interesting: where did you read this? I ask because I’m always happy to find new resources on that wonderful loonie. :smallwink:

**May not insist that I am at least worth two holy avengers and a vorpal sword.
***May not be surprised when the would be buyer changes their deal to suit my complaints.
****May not devise a plan to turn myself over for said weapons and then escape with little difficulty.
*****Especially if the party is level 3.

TeChameleon

2020-07-07, 10:43 PM

* Going back to the 1940s does not generate Moon Maidens, Mars Amazons, or in fact any other form of celestial body-based attractive women.

Is it possible that you went back to the wrong 1940s? Some kind of warped parallel universe or something? :smalltongue:

* I may no longer complain when my fighter's obnoxiously high AC forces the DM to find alternative means to damage him, and ends up with him being set on fire three different ways in the space of a couple of turns :smallmad:

Rockphed

2020-07-08, 06:49 AM

Is it possible that you went back to the wrong 1940s? Some kind of warped parallel universe or something? :smalltongue:

* I may no longer complain when my fighter's obnoxiously high AC forces the DM to find alternative means to damage him, and ends up with him being set on fire three different ways in the space of a couple of turns :smallmad:

He set my arm on fire! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-Kr3I_nNCs)

In a serious game I should play a serious character.
*taking every mental problem as flaws it not a serious character.
**I do not get separate point pools for each of my 5 personalities.
***Enjoying cigars is not a character flaw worth enough points to max out my intelligence.
****Fear of flying, however, might be enough to get an extra point of strength and brawl.

JAL_1138

2020-07-08, 07:23 AM

... and opened a portal to the para-elemental plane of housecats :smallamused:

So that’s why that interplanar portal opened up in my living room. I’d been wondering about that. :smalltongue:

Telok

2020-07-08, 10:30 AM

He set my arm on fire! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-Kr3I_nNCs)
***Enjoying cigars is not a character flaw worth enough points to max out my intelligence.

Bah, totally legit in Champions.

*I may not abuse the 'unable to be surprised' clause, a silly high initative score, narrative causality, basic tactics, the Contengency spell, and the Meteor Storm spell.
**At least one ambusher must be allowed to survive long enough to take at least one action that would break stealth before they all die horrible flamey deaths.
***Not allowed to do it in D&D either.

danielxcutter

2020-07-08, 08:44 PM

Bah, totally legit in Champions.

*I may not abuse the 'unable to be surprised' clause, a silly high initative score, narrative causality, basic tactics, the Contengency spell, and the Meteor Storm spell.
**At least one ambusher must be allowed to survive long enough to take at least one action that would break stealth before they all die horrible flamey deaths.
***Not allowed to do it in D&D either.

How good is Meteor Swarm in Champions then? Or 5e? It’s not really a good spell in 3.5e, at least.

Telok

2020-07-08, 11:46 PM

How good is Meteor Swarm in Champions then? Or 5e? It’s not really a good spell in 3.5e, at least.

Depends on how many character points you put into it. D&D 5e, kinda level appropriate with other spells so not abysmal damage and good range. In D&D 1e or DtD40k7e it's hot flamey death. With D&D 1e meteor storm you can get 40d4 no save damage along a 220' line while mages have max 11d4+27 hit points. In DtD40k7e I've used it to take out 300' of wooden palisade, and all the NPC elite troops behind it became casualties.

danielxcutter

2020-07-09, 03:53 AM

Depends on how many character points you put into it. D&D 5e, kinda level appropriate with other spells so not abysmal damage and good range. In D&D 1e or DtD40k7e it's hot flamey death. With D&D 1e meteor storm you can get 40d4 no save damage along a 220' line while mages have max 11d4+27 hit points. In DtD40k7e I've used it to take out 300' of wooden palisade, and all the NPC elite troops behind it became casualties.

Yeah, in 3.Xe it blasting sucks largely because damage dice are the same as earlier editions but hit points went up a lot, and for Meteor Swarm in particular fire resistance cuts the damage output a lot. And practically everyone and their mother has fire resistance at that point.

Rater202

2020-07-13, 10:56 PM

*I should not be forthright in my intention to commit seppuku if I can't get my periodic bouts of homicidal rage and violent insanity under control.

Man on Fire

2020-07-15, 05:30 PM

* Not allowed to punch a guy so hard he crashed through the wall, the wall on the other side of the room and the window all across the hallway.

vasilidor

2020-07-15, 08:34 PM

not allowed to make a troll in sixth edition shadowrun who punches harder than a panther cannon at game start.

danielxcutter

2020-07-15, 09:33 PM

* Not allowed to punch a guy so hard he crashed through the wall, the wall on the other side of the room and the window all across the hallway.

I would love to do that if I knew how to. Is this a specific system?

Man on Fire

2020-07-17, 05:45 PM

I would love to do that if I knew how to. Is this a specific system?

Confession time, I was the DM. Two PCs got ambushed and when other two arrived they had entire house to get around to save them...and the Half-Orc Paladin rolled a nat 20 on hitting an enemy with a hammer so I've said "You know what? Roll me Athletics. You roll 10 or more, you punch him through the wall. For each 5 points above 10 you can punch him through one wall." She got 20-something.

From the same adventure and even the same player:

* If I ask a Half-Orc, even a Paladin, how do they want to finish off the BBEG, I cannot complain if I get a visceral description of said Half-Orc tearing BBEG into small pieces, terrifying rest of the party and making friendly, Gandalf-esque NPC get a heart attack from sheer terror of withnessing it.

Also, from the same game, different player:
* No longer allowed to insult a Wight so bad it calmly decides coming back to life was a msitake and dies again.

danielxcutter

2020-07-17, 08:38 PM

Confession time, I was the DM. Two PCs got ambushed and when other two arrived they had entire house to get around to save them...and the Half-Orc Paladin rolled a nat 20 on hitting an enemy with a hammer so I've said "You know what? Roll me Athletics. You roll 10 or more, you punch him through the wall. For each 5 points above 10 you can punch him through one wall." She got 20-something.

From the same adventure and even the same player:

* If I ask a Half-Orc, even a Paladin, how do they want to finish off the BBEG, I cannot complain if I get a visceral description of said Half-Orc tearing BBEG into small pieces, terrifying rest of the party and making friendly, Gandalf-esque NPC get a heart attack from sheer terror of withnessing it.

Also, from the same game, different player:
* No longer allowed to insult a Wight so bad it calmly decides coming back to life was a msitake and dies again.

...Did the guy deserve it?

Man on Fire

2020-07-18, 06:10 AM

...Did the guy deserve it?

The cultist, the BBEG or the Wight?

danielxcutter

2020-07-18, 08:53 AM

The cultist, the BBEG or the Wight?

I meant the second but might as well ask for all three.

Man on Fire

2020-07-18, 12:40 PM

I meant the second but might as well ask for all three.

I've run them Against the Cult of the Reptile God on 5e mechanics, so the cultist was up to some shady shift but was mind-controlled, the wight was an undead servant of the mad priest and BBEG not only was brainwashing people to join a cult but also mind-controlled that Paladin and once she broke free almost killed her with a poisonous bite. BBEG totally deserved it.

Lord Raziere

2020-07-29, 08:41 PM

* May not climb Qaf the Heaven-Violating Spear to find out whether Pokemon Trainer Red is on top
** may not try to make MOTI's version of Vs. Trainer Red music go with every fight of an inexperienced hero against an experienced older fighter.

Rater202

2020-07-30, 02:21 AM

*The Penance Stare is a powerful ability passed by a certain category of demons and angels intended that forces someone to personally experience every last bit of pain, physical, emotional, or spiritual, from the pettiest hurt feeling to the deepest scarring, truamatic wounds, as well as the guilt a rational person would feel for inflicted such harm, that they've ever through malice or carelessness inflicted on a person and then permenatly burns the memory of that pain into their mind and soul that they will flash back to it if they ever think of repeating those sins. It's purpose is to force people to feel remorse or, failing that, make it difficult to keep inflicting harm. The only ways to avoid it are to be literally physically incapable of guilt or empathy, to genuinely enjoy even excruciating pain, or to not have a soul.

It is not for making entitled middle-aged women shut the hell up about their expired coupons at the check out line in the grocery store.

dspeyer

2020-07-30, 03:01 AM

* Not allowed to punch a guy so hard he crashed through the wall, the wall on the other side of the room and the window all across the hallway.

** Nor may I uppercut someone into orbit
*** Escape velocity is not better
**** Even in a low-gravity environment
***** Doing this does not make me King Of The Orcs

(From an actual game)

danielxcutter

2020-07-30, 07:11 AM

Palanan

2020-07-30, 10:41 PM

Originally Posted by Rater202
It is not for making entitled middle-aged women shut the hell up about their expired coupons at the check out line in the grocery store.

I wish the ones in my area would stick to coupons.

Originally Posted by Rater202
The only ways to avoid it are to be literally physically incapable of guilt or empathy...or to not have a soul.

Sadly, this describes the majority of them.

Lord Haart

2020-08-01, 01:42 PM

From a certain memorable campaign (shout-out to Tein the really great DM, and to the great folk i've played with):

*When presented with a magical painting that apparently materialises whatever's drawn on it, and has a chest drawn on it without a lock, i may NOT choose SCIENCE over potential wealth and paint a Necker's cube instead.
**When said cube dissipates moments after materialisation (dealing psychic damage to everyone who catches a glimpse of it and tries to rationalise the sight) due to being incompatible with 3-D space, i may NOT use Mending to "fix its incompatibility".

*When presented with a magic dust of Mending, i may not erroneously assume it's ground-up gold and cast Mending onto it.

*Mending cannot fix a broken heart.
**A broken monocrystal processor-heart is OK, but I need to manually hold it together during the whole casting, electric currents or no electric currents.
***May not mend and shatter said processor-heart repeatedly until the magi-technological consciousness within submits to my will.

*I may damage spirits with Force effects.
**I may not react to a spirit visiting me in a dream by Commanding myself to keep sleeping and stabbing the spirit with a Spiritual Weapon.
***I may not go to sleep with a Readied action to "stick a Spiritual Weapon up its ass".

*When detained by a law enforcement squad for casting offensive spells, may not proclaim: "Offensive? These were mere cantrips, officer. You see that tree? Let me show you what OFFENSIVE spells i can do!"

*May not craft the Infinity Gauntlet for the party monk "so he'll suck a bit less".

*Even if recent events brought me quite a bit of shame, "I must capture the avatar and restore my honor" is not a sufficient reason to challenge an avatar of evil dragon deity to a solo combat.
**May not drive everyone to tears by lasting for a dozen rounds in a fight against said avatar, taunting it the whole time about how if it can't even beat me it will never beat the party, defiantly spitting at its face even as it tears me apart limb by limb, sticking a Spiritual Weapon up its ass, and dying after wounding the avatar severely enough that the party, arriving mere rounds after, gets to actually exile it from the world.
***Because it's not fair making people grieve over my character IRL in spite of blatant suicide-by-boss while the monk just kinda gets hit and fails at death saving throws unnoticed by all.

Rater202

2020-08-04, 08:44 AM

I may not use a discarded medical cadaver as an improvised weapon during a routine training exercise.

Bohandas

2020-08-05, 11:19 PM

*May not claim to be a “hacker” if my character can’t code, can’t crack passwords, and can’t hotwire anything.
**Really good deception and intimidation skills, some miniature surveillance bugs that can be surreptitiously attached to a computer to record everything someone does on it, a set of boltcutters, a crowbar, a combat knife, shaped-charge explosives, an assault rifle with an underbarrel shotgun attachment, and breaching-rounds for the underbarrel shotgun are not a substitute for computer and electronic engineering skills.
***Even if I can get a password or open a door quite effectively with some combination of the above.

https://www.smbc-comics.com/comics/20120220.gif

BisectedBrioche

2020-08-06, 06:56 AM

I'd say:

* Not allowed to create British versions of Shadowrun slang

But it's more mixed than anything.

Rater202

2020-08-06, 05:13 PM

I may not use a discarded medical cadaver as an improvised weapon during a routine training exercise.

Especially not without checking if anyone has PTSD that would aggravated by a sudden corpse.

Lvl 2 Expert

2020-08-07, 04:27 PM

* If I design a player's character, and they ask for a version of Red Riding Hood with a wolf hound I may make them a magical wolf hound person who telepathically speaks through their little girl companion.
** If another players designs a gnome drug dealer I may start their adventure in a prison where the hound has requested to borrow this prisoner for his mission.
*** The hound player may then come up with a name for the organization they're clearly a part of that sent them on this mission.
****The gnome player may negotiate 3/4 of a year sentence reduction out of the warden for coming along.
***** They may then go and find themselves a bar to properly start the adventure. Little girl included.
****** The two human characters may dislike these two so much initially that they start throwing around stink bombs and ruining the crime scene.
******* I may improvise a way to still let them find the critical hint.
******** The players may brew an underwater breathing potion when the obvious way forward is to look for a boat.
********* They may suspect that I then moved a bunch of stuff from above to under water, even though the only change I made was adding a well to the drowned village placing the locked up troll king at the bottom because they started making Lassie jokes.
********** I may turn the boss monster into a giant frog holding a musical instrument because that was what one player guessed it would be.
*********** I may not try to come up with a good position based combat system with multiple types of weapons. It's too complex to be easily playable yet too simple to be fun and doesn't match the rest of the game. I should stick to working with nonsense.

Anti-Eagle

2020-08-08, 07:20 PM

* May not base a Malkavian on the Homeless guy from "a Night of Spatula Madness."
** Francis E. Decs is still not allowed.

Rater202

2020-08-22, 01:42 AM

*Any character that can bitch slap an Elder Vampire to death or take out a moderately sized group of middle-aged or younger vampires by spraying and praying with a standard semi-automatic rifle straight out of char-Gen is banned.
**As is any character that can wrestle a Crinos form Werewolf into submission out of Char Gen.
***Or defeat a Mage using only Hedge Magic.
****Or manipulate people's perception of reality better than the Technocracy.
*****Or turn an entire cemetery into flesh-eating zombies without invoking paradox.
******Or have a high-caliber minigun with infinite ammo for free at char gen.
*******Or be able to rig a presidential election by watching the debates at char gen.
********May not question why the Storyteller is Running Exalted vs The World of Darkness if he doesn't want Exalts to act like Exalts.

danielxcutter

2020-08-22, 02:12 AM

Lvl 2 Expert

2020-08-22, 02:24 AM

********May not question why the Storyteller is Running Exalted vs The World of Darkness if he doesn't want Exalts to act like Exalts.

*********If my pitch for a game is ever "gods vs monsters", I should probably consider making the PC's the monsters.

danielxcutter

2020-08-22, 02:32 AM

That depends on the mythology; some monsters/demons/etc. give gods a run for their money, like Sun Wukong for example.

Rater202

2020-08-22, 02:39 AM

Exalted is one of the highest-powered TRPGs and the WoD franchise precisely the level to screw over the players, right?

Yes.

Though it should be noted that in this fan-made supplement... Well, technically fanmade. It's made by one of the former Exalted Devs.

Anyway, Exalts are weaker than they are in their home series. IT's not that they've been diminished so much as the rules are different, outside of Dragonblooded they have no Infrastructure, and the World is so diminished that there just isn't enough essence to support their full power.

Yet.

Basically, one of the cataclysms of Exalted took, reality broke, and the Dragonblooded shoved all of the Anathema into a small cage.

Thousands of years later, with a dozen different world-ending apocalypses aiming straight at a vastly diminished creation and the only people able to fight it either actively furthering it along or too busy fighting amongst themselves, the remaining Dragonblooded(who pretty much know that the prison holeds something really powerful and that it might be a bad idea to let it out) decide "screw it" and let out the Solar, Lunar, Sidereal, and Abyssal Exaltations just becuase they figure that it can't possibly make things worse.

Considering that the Great Curse has either run it's course or else is too dimished to have any effect?

(Infernals were imprisoned separately... Underneath the Ten Thousand Hells from Kindred of the East. They've added all of that awfulness to their existing Solar and Primordial power and escaped shortly after the Celestials returned. Alchemicals are, techncially, a differant kind of exalt from Classic Alchemicals.)

Incidentally, most of those are real things. There's a One Dot Infernal Charm that lets you mockingly someone to make everyone who hears what they said assume that it's a lie and that the person is untrustworthy. No One else has to hear themockery and it explicitly works on live TV broadcasts.

dspeyer

2020-08-24, 02:46 PM

Adrastos42

2020-08-24, 03:21 PM

* Just because a game is set in the present day does not mean the gaming system exists in-universe
** Even if some of the PCs are RPG fans
*** Therefore responding to "magic exists" with "let's search through RPG sourcebooks until we find one that seems correct" is a bad plan
**** Goes double if big pieces of the magic system are our GM's semi-official homebrew
***** Under no circumstances should our characters attempt to arrest and interrogate the GM
****** We absolutely should not organise a LARP session where we actually arrest and interrogate the GM in character.
******* If we do so anyway, warning the GM beforehand would be considered polite.

Wizard_Lizard

2020-08-24, 06:25 PM

Ok so, I'm no longer going to get arrested for chair punting, and then get banished (making my character unplayable) because I accidentally discussed murder in front of some guards.

Lord Raziere

2020-08-24, 08:01 PM

* may not cut in line for something when I don't even know what the line is for
** when someone punches me, may not assume we're playing tag and accidentally palm slap them into a wall
*** when informed I'm not allowed to use tools in the tournament, I may not reply with "okay I'll just fingerpaint!"
**** May not beat an entire martial arts tournament while the under impression its all just weird dancing then ask "whats martial arts?"

TeChameleon

2020-08-25, 11:34 PM

* "When all you have is a hammer, every problem starts to look like a nail." is supposed to be a warning, not a life goal.
** May no longer bludgeon the DM's overpowered, supposed-to-be-run-away-from encounter into submission with nothing more than a half-strength party, a couple of creatively placed spells, lots of slingstones and the tank's ridiculous AC (on the plus side, should be getting some interesting loot from that lot... :smallamused:)

Rater202

2020-08-26, 12:40 AM

*For future reference, if I want to be a snake person I should probably start as one.

Man on Fire

2020-08-26, 06:23 AM

* The Paladin no longer can research how to break Warlock Pact so throughfully she takes another level if Warlock by accident.
** Paladin is also informed that if she keeps talking Warlock levels just because she cannot decide on an oath soon only oaths left for her will be treachery and oathbreaker.

Telok

2020-08-26, 12:46 PM

** Paladin is also informed that if she keeps talking Warlock levels just because she cannot decide on an oath soon only oaths left for her will be treachery and oathbreaker.

*** May not use the warlock/oathbreaker paladin multiclass, the infinite nature of the Far Realm, and the small but non-zero chance that any particular bit of the Far Realm has a warlock patron gullible enough to grant warlock powers to me, just so I can justify having a new warlock patron every day.
**** No exploiting infinities.

* No more punk cyborg monk ork Elvis impersonators of uncertain gender hitting on PCs. Or hitting PCs with other PCs.
** The Max Hedroom mecha-lich game show host epic drinking challenge may end up being banned too.
*** Just because I printed a glow in the dark t-rex skull does not mean I should work a ghost t-rex encounter into the current plot. I need to print a bunch of little ones and make it a t-rex ghost swarm.

Man on Fire

2020-09-01, 12:14 AM

* The party is no longer allowed to stop a fight with hags to share terrifyig facts about pigs omnivorous nature to the point the dm accidentially refers to next hag as a pig.

Adrastos42

2020-09-01, 04:37 AM

* The party is no longer allowed to stop a fight with hags to share terrifyig facts about pigs omnivorous nature to the point the dm accidentially refers to next hag as a pig.

**Covering up a murder by feeding the corpse to a hag might well work, but it is nonetheless not worth it.

Rater202

2020-09-02, 02:08 AM

I may not depict The Unconquered Sun as All-Might.

Lvl 2 Expert

2020-09-02, 03:00 AM

**Covering up a murder by feeding the corpse to a hag might well work, but it is nonetheless not worth it.

***On the other hand, free cake...

danielxcutter

2020-09-02, 03:22 AM

I may not depict The Unconquered Sun as All-Might.

Isn’t that level of power standard issue for Exalted or something?

TeChameleon

2020-09-02, 03:23 AM

I may not depict The Unconquered Sun as All-Might.
That... works better than it should :smallconfused:

Lord Raziere

2020-09-02, 04:09 AM

I may not depict The Unconquered Sun as All-Might.

*Depicting Malfeas as green nuclear Karkat has been banned for years
** depicting Isidiros as Kamina is similarly out
*** Ebon Dragon as Snidely Whiplash is exactly what everyone has been fighting to get rid of don't resurrect this
**** Autochthon is not Wheatley from Portal 2
***** Oramus is not the Doctor and Master combined except somehow even more insane
****** Nor does Oramus exist in all Exalted shards simultaneously as a single entity and get his realities mixed up when talking to people
******* His Divine Lunar Presence and the Scarlet Empress cannot try to have a rivalry over who can empire build and rule better only to fall in love with each other instead
******** Depicting a Fire Aspect Dynast as Zuko is fine, depicting Aang as an Immaculate Air Monk is more questionable
********* Luna laughs at your pitiful attempts to define them by your limited mortal references.

Rockphed

2020-09-02, 08:26 AM

********* Luna laughs at your pitiful attempts to define them by your limited mortal references.

Is that because all the blood is rushing to their head? (http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20040421#.X0-c8HvLdEU)

Rater202

2020-09-03, 12:13 AM

*In a marvel superheroes game, Jean Grey's, Scott Summers's, Illyana Rasutins, and Franklin Richard's respective Symbiote Codices can not be used as substitutes for the Mind, Power, Soul, and collectively Space, Time, and Reality Stones when trying to make an infinity Gauntlet.
**Dude, seriously. Franklin Richards is more powerful than the Gauntlet. If you get his Codex you don't need anything else.

Lord Raziere

2020-09-03, 03:28 AM

Is that because all the blood is rushing to their head? (http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20040421#.X0-c8HvLdEU)

That was not a reference.

* The Sharingan is a powerful dojutsu capable of granting incredible power. I should not be using it become the best speedrunner in the world by doing everything frame-perfect.

danielxcutter

2020-09-03, 04:27 AM

That was not a reference.

* The Sharingan is a powerful dojutsu capable of granting incredible power. I should not be using it become the best speedrunner in the world by doing everything frame-perfect.

Do the letters “TAS” mean anything to you? I imagine these would be less of a strain on you than this Sharingan anyways...

Lord Raziere

2020-09-03, 02:05 PM

Do the letters “TAS” mean anything to you? I imagine these would be less of a strain on you than this Sharingan anyways...

Tool Assisted Speedrun? Easy enough to figure out. I'm not a speedrunner myself, I'm just making a joke about them.

* Cannot be so indecisive about my M&M character that I make a Mimic with Metamorph whose power is to parallel-universe-shapeshift into any character I've ever made

TrashTrash

2020-09-03, 07:53 PM

* I'm not allowed to drink anything the captain of the cocaine-running pirate ship hands to me, no matter what my character flaws are.
** I can't try to argue with the DM if I accidentally drink something spiked with cocaine.
*** Seriously, what do I think is going to be in the cup?!
**** I'm not allowed to claim that whatever happens after drinking it is entirely the captain's fault.

* I do not spontaneously develop the Rage ability, no matter how badly the party damages my family's inn. If I want to multiclass Barbarian, I can, but not like that.
** I'm not allowed to make the party pay me for the damages to the inn. They pay the NPC owner.

Rater202

2020-09-03, 08:15 PM

*weaponizing the shrieking of a little girl against someone with superhuman hearing was an incredibly cruel thing to do.

Anonymouswizard

2020-09-05, 06:33 PM

* There should be at least one party member without an animal companion.
** The animal sidekicks should not outnumber the party members.
*** We are expected to coordinate on the environment we operate in.

(From pre-session 0 we have: an owl, a reindeer, a mouse/squirrel, and an otter)

Laughing Dog

2020-09-05, 09:13 PM

*I am to stop murdering the party wizard in his sleep. Even if he was practically asking for it.
** I am not to murder the party wizard, even if he was literally asking for it.
***No, the fact that this is the same wizard doesn't help matters.
**** I am not to use the wizard's corpses as building materials, siege weapon ammunition, improvised weaponry, emergency rations, a distraction, blackmail, bait, or anything else the DM has't thought of.
*****The correct way to advance the plot is not 'Kill the wizard again.' Even with all evidence pointing to the contrary.

Lvl 2 Expert

2020-09-06, 12:44 AM

*****The correct way to advance the plot is not 'Kill the wizard again.' Even with all evidence pointing to the contrary.

******The fact that we leveled up every time the fighter died is not a valid in character motivation to kill him.

Laughing Dog

2020-09-06, 10:16 PM

******The fact that we leveled up every time the fighter died is not a valid in character motivation to kill him.

Of course not. It was always the fighter's heroic sacrifices that got you those level ups:smalltongue:

And on the topic of Fighters:
*My pure-classed Fighter shouldn't be able to outperform the party rogue in stealth.

BlueHamsterBean

2020-09-07, 06:35 AM

And on the topic of Fighters:
*My pure-classed Fighter shouldn't be able to outperform the party rogue in stealth.

**Especially if they are wearing full plate armor at the time.

Lvl 2 Expert

2020-09-08, 04:20 PM

**Especially if they are wearing full plate armor at the time.
***It was especially bad since my rogue had expertise in stealth and an 18 in dex. Luckily I don't always roll a 3 or a 4, just often.

BlueHamsterBean

2020-09-08, 05:06 PM

***It was especially bad since my rogue had expertise in stealth and an 18 in dex. Luckily I don't always roll a 3 or a 4, just often.

****May not smugly mock the fighter's stealth checks as revenge once I hit level 11 and get reliable talent.

TeChameleon

2020-09-08, 08:17 PM

* I may no longer point out to the DM that a Cloak of the Manta Ray (Water Breathing, Swim Speed of 60 ft.) was one of the first pieces of treasure he ever handed out to this character when he starts making open plans to drown my full-plate-wearing fighter.
** Nor may one of the other PCs point out that the DM has been fairly unsubtle about their plans to try and drown the party, and thus they had prepared waterbreathing ages ago.
*** Stop spoiling the DMs fun, dangit!

Rater202

2020-09-10, 12:01 AM

*When hired to bake the cakes for the wedding of the goblin queen and the Prince of the kingdom of elves, I should bake something other than a cherpumple.

danielxcutter

2020-09-10, 12:30 AM

*When hired to bake the cakes for the wedding of the goblin queen and the Prince of the kingdom of elves, I should bake something other than a cherpumple.

...A what?

Rater202

2020-09-10, 01:04 AM

...A what?

It's basically a cake made of pie.

the bottom layer is a spice cake with an apple pie baked into it.

The middle layer is yellow cake with a pumpkin pie.

The top is white cake with a cherry pie.

TeChameleon

2020-09-10, 01:08 AM

That actually sounds pretty good, and I don't even like pumpkin pie.

* Even if the DM is telegraphing things a bit, by giving us what's essentially the local Drow's Excalibur/Lance of Longinus equivalent while we're trapped in the Underdark with no idea where we are, I am not allowed to phrase it as "If the Drow see us with this, they won't kill us."

Lord Torath

2020-09-10, 03:48 PM

* Yes, Master Crafted items cost double the base requisition cost.
** True, Power Armor has no requisition cost for Space Marines.
*** I may not abuse these two facts to take Master Crafted Power Armor on every mission for no requisition cost (once I have sufficient Renown for Master-Crafted gear)

BlueHamsterBean

2020-09-14, 11:10 AM

*The party of Vedalken bards is not be be called "The Blue Man Group."

noob

2020-09-14, 02:32 PM

*The party of Vedalken bards is not be be called "The Blue Man Group."

** The blues brothers is not fine either even if they are brothers.

Lvl 2 Expert

2020-09-14, 03:49 PM

** The blues brothers is not fine either even if they are brothers.

*** Their signature song is not Blue (da be dee)
**** Nor is it Mr. Blue, Mr Blue Sky or Fuzzy and Blue (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NSdNtOktHE), or any other variation of this theme.

BlueHamsterBean

2020-09-14, 05:37 PM

*** Their signature song is not Blue (da be dee)
**** Nor is it Mr. Blue, Mr Blue Sky or Fuzzy and Blue (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NSdNtOktHE), or any other variation of this theme.
*****My Vedalken barbarian doesn't have to rage every time they eat a plate of cookies.

danielxcutter

2020-09-14, 07:30 PM

...What the hecc is a Veldalken?

Lord Torath

2020-09-14, 09:00 PM

*****My Vedalken barbarian doesn't have to rage every time they eat a plate of cookies.****** "C" is for Cookie is also not our theme song.
******* Neither is Healthy Foods (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KBMxpDbp51A).

Personification

2020-09-14, 11:52 PM

...What the hecc is a Veldalken?

It is a creature from the M:tG multiverse. They are a sapient race of blue humanoids, generally a bit taller and more elongated than humans, with an analytical bent. Some (but not all) have six fingers, and on at least one plane they have four arms and gills. They were created because Magic needed to replace merfolk with a race that could walk on land, but when Magic eventually reintroduced merfolk as triton-style belegged-fish-reminiscent-humanoids, vedalken had established themselves in the lore and stuck around. They jumped out of the cardboard and onto the character sheet when they became a PC race in the D&D/M:tG crossover setting book Guildmasters Guide to Ravnica.

*I may not go all Vorthos amongst members of the hobby who definitely don't know what a Vorthos is.

BisectedBrioche

2020-09-15, 04:31 AM

Hellpyre

2020-09-15, 07:45 PM

*My character must be able to communicate with at least one other member of the party.
**One-way telepathy is not enough, if my character still can't understand a response.
***There is no 'universal language of dance'.

Personification

2020-09-15, 08:40 PM

***There is no 'universal language of dance'.
Of course there is. What did you think Common meant?

BlueHamsterBean

2020-09-15, 10:04 PM

Of course there is. What did you think Common meant?

You just earned yourself a laugh out loud sir. :smallwink:

*May not insist that "common" is actually more akin to Khoisan than English.
**Even if it would make conversations much more interesting.

Rater202

2020-09-15, 10:10 PM

I can't create a magic item that gives a permanent glibness effect for the sole sake of taking every opportunity to try and force a "steamed hams" reference.

Personification

2020-09-16, 12:28 AM

*The party may not have more pets than party members.
**Even if three are robots and one is just a leg
***ESPECIALLY if two are robots and one is just a leg.
****Doubly so if only two of the six party members can cast Find Familiar and nobody uses any other summoning spells.

Rater202

2020-09-16, 12:29 AM

*There is no conceivable way that giving Darth Vader a Klyntar Symbiote would go well for anyone.

Lvl 2 Expert

2020-09-16, 01:56 AM

You just earned yourself a laugh out loud sir. :smallwink:

*May not insist that "common" is actually more akin to Khoisan than English.
**Even if it would make conversations much more interesting.
***Orc is still definitely German though.

Telok

2020-09-16, 02:27 AM

***There is no 'universal language of dance'.

****Interpretive mime dance is a universal language. However it contains only three concepts that translate roughly as: a) "Look at me being silly!" b) "I am a pretentious snot." c) "I have made terrible lifestyle choices. Please kill me now."

*The DM must pre-approve all character names, backstories, alignments, and musical instrument proficencies.
**The name Tolp Ethdna Selur Ehtpulf, backstories involving the consumption of demon hearts, alignments containing the words 'sadistic' 'psychotic' 'drug-addled' or 'dentist', and tuned blackpowder cannons... They're all on the "No" list now.
***My character's theme song cannot come from 'Little Shop of Horrors' or any production involving Vincent Price.

Hellpyre

2020-09-16, 06:25 PM

*If my character introduces himself as 'Lawkins P. Daud, Esquire' in a medieval European fantasy, the party should not immediately assume him to be a lawyer.
**Even if he does have a nice briefcase.
***For goodness sake, the briefcase had a heartbeat. Why would you all assume the chair was a mimic, but not the breathing attaché case
****I may no longer start the game as a feeding lure for a mimic.

Rater202

2020-09-16, 07:33 PM

Hellpyre

2020-09-17, 10:48 AM

Is there a significance to the name?

It's mostly just the Esquire at the end. Pretty much everywhere but the US it denotes a certain level of social standing (and thus would be expected to in a psuedo-medieval European setting), but in the US it specifically is appended to people who have passed the bar. The rest was just suitably garish to work for the 'mimic feeding lure' gag that the rest of the party ignored to their peril.

Anonymouswizard

2020-09-17, 11:42 AM

* If the rules don't specify otherwise I should assume that I begin with clothes.
** If the rules state that I must buy clothes if I want them then I am expected to buy them.
*** The following species wear clothes: elves, orcs, dwarves, pre-medieval humans, trolls, and ratfolk.
**** While technically fulfilling the plurality requirements, socks do not count as clothes for the purposes of this discussion.

Rockphed

2020-09-18, 07:40 PM

**** While technically fulfilling the plurality requirements, socks do not count as clothes for the purposes of this discussion.

***** Nor does an ensemble of nothing but a Hawaiian shirt and a fedora.
****** Suspenders and a garter belt is out of the question.
******* Pants are required on both my character and my person.
******** I may wear pants as headwear, but I must also have them on my legs.

Wookieetank

2020-09-23, 09:42 AM

***** Nor does an ensemble of nothing but a Hawaiian shirt and a fedora.
****** Suspenders and a garter belt is out of the question.
******* Pants are required on both my character and my person.
******** I may wear pants as headwear, but I must also have them on my legs.

********* "Pants" as a warcry, or warbanner, does not count as wearing them.

Lvl 2 Expert

2020-09-23, 11:50 PM

********* "Pants" as a warcry, or warbanner, does not count as wearing them.

********** Pants do not work like a divine focus, you do not merely have to present them for their function to take effect.

BlueHamsterBean

2020-09-24, 06:27 AM

********** Pants do not work like a divine focus, you do not merely have to present them for their function to take effect.
***********My cleric may not turn the horde of zombies by presenting a pair of old, stinky jeans. No, seriously, where did your character even get those in a fantasy world?

Anonymouswizard

2020-09-24, 06:32 AM

************ Trousers are not Numenera.

Rater202

2020-09-26, 12:27 PM

*There is no possible way that stripping completly naked, covering each other in neon paint, and doing Jojo poses to Go Go Power Rangers can possibly give us a bonus to the stealth check we need sneak past a security checkpoint.
**Especially if we do it right in front of the security checkpoint.

Bohandas

2020-09-26, 02:21 PM

***********My cleric may not turn the horde of zombies by presenting a pair of old, stinky jeans. No, seriously, where did your character even get those in a fantasy world?

Maybe from Ash Williams?

BlueHamsterBean

2020-09-26, 03:30 PM

Maybe from Ash Williams?

*May not claim to be a cleric of The Ashen One, conqueror of the undead, and owner of The Boomstick just so that I can use a pair of old jeans as my holy symbol.

Anonymouswizard

2020-09-26, 07:44 PM

*There is no possible way that stripping completly naked, covering each other in neon paint, and doing Jojo poses to Go Go Power Rangers can possibly give us a bonus to the stealth check we need sneak past a security checkpoint.

** Or to anything else for that matter.
*** The Zyuranger theme will not solve this problem.
**** There is only one acceptable sneaking song. But nudity or neon paint will ruin the effect.

danielxcutter

2020-09-26, 08:43 PM

...What system is that and what song is it?

Personification

2020-09-27, 08:32 AM

danielxcutter

2020-09-27, 08:57 AM

*No matter how forced the plot seems to be, my character may not use it as ammunition for a railgun.
**The "siege weapon" ability ("This does double damage to structures") does not work on the fourth wall.
***While I am allowed to have a headcanon, I may not use it offensively. (https://xkcd.com/1401/)

Heh, reminds me of this:

I'll tell you right now, if anyone asked me whether I thought they should wear a ballista on their head, I'm pretty sure I'd say "no."

Anonymouswizard

2020-09-27, 09:41 AM

...What system is that and what song is it?

I don't know the system being used, but I was referencing a certain parodic opera song. Shush shush, the major general comes...

* If the other players have never seen it I am not allowed to reference it.
** 'May not attack an orphan' is no longer an allowed disadvantage for pirates.

danielxcutter

2020-09-27, 09:42 AM

I don't know the system being used, but I was referencing a certain parodic opera song. Shush shush, the major general comes...

* If the other players have never seen it I am not allowed to reference it.
** 'May not attack an orphan' is no longer an allowed disadvantage for pirates.

I presume there's more than one song about the major general?

Lvl 2 Expert

2020-09-27, 09:50 AM

I presume there's more than one song about the major general?

** But there's only one song about a roguish elven gunslinger (https://forums.giantitp.com/showthread.php?440508-Things-I-May-No-Longer-Do-while-Playing-IX-GNO-GNOMES!/page45&p=20319009#post20319009).

danielxcutter

2020-09-27, 09:53 AM

** But there's only one song about a roguish elven gunslinger (https://forums.giantitp.com/showthread.php?440508-Things-I-May-No-Longer-Do-while-Playing-IX-GNO-GNOMES!/page45&p=20319009#post20319009).

You just won five internets with that, Expert.

Rockphed

2020-09-27, 10:10 PM

danielxcutter

2020-09-27, 10:12 PM

If we ever get to thread 13, I vote we name it "Roguish Elven Gunslinger".

Seconding this.

Rater202

2020-09-28, 12:37 PM

*In a Marvel Supervillains game, my time-manipulator can't steal the Super Soldier Serum from a parallel timeline and give it to the super genius to cheaply mass produce it.
**We have to do something with it other than give it to our minions.
***We can't advertise it to prospective minions as "free health care."
****We can't pay better wages and give more benefits than most legitimate businesses.

Anonymouswizard

2020-09-28, 06:30 PM

* Bagpipes require proficiency to actually deal damage with them.
** I am to admit that intentionally playing an instrument awfully requires skill.

* My response to discovering cybernetics, grafts, or any other kind of augmentation cannot be 'resistance is useless'.
** I am to stop mounting handlebars on my head.

Kazyan

2020-09-29, 03:27 PM

* When playing a Pokemon tabletop game where the DM wants to do cool stuff with type-switched delta pokemon and new eeveelutions, maybe don't play a trainer who specializes in the Normal type.

dspeyer

2020-10-02, 01:22 PM

Personification

2020-10-02, 02:26 PM

vasilidor

2020-10-02, 03:45 PM

Laughing Dog

2020-10-02, 10:35 PM

*I am not allowed to utter the sentence: "I down my drink, and a wolf pops into existence."

*If my high-level fighter ends up with the treasures meant for the other members of the party, there's an issue with the party.

*No oneshot-ing a god.
**"It was an accident." does NOT make it better.

Anonymouswizard

2020-10-03, 04:49 AM

* Upon capturing a vampire "alive", we may not exsanguinate a lab mouse and drip the vampire's blood into its stomach
** May not refer to the resulting vampire rodent as "Mousecula"
*** May not poke Mousecula with all known holy symbols to determine the true religion
**** If it turns out to be "the one the person poking believes in", may not meditate on the inherent holiness of all things and poke him with a random stick
***** Even if my character sincerely believes in that

I run a game where this is exactly how it works.

While I've not run games that work like that, I've played in one where only certain religions had their holy symbols repel evil, but which ones did depended on what religion and sect you were. There was also absolute morality probably behind everything, as sinning too much stopped it from working.

A lot of this was because the setting was based on the real world and intended to see print some day, so beyond absolute requirements for the concept the game tried to avoid making any statements.

* We may no longer make household appliances saints.

danielxcutter

2020-10-03, 08:11 AM

While I've not run games that work like that, I've played in one where only certain religions had their holy symbols repel evil, but which ones did depended on what religion and sect you were. There was also absolute morality probably behind everything, as sinning too much stopped it from working.

A lot of this was because the setting was based on the real world and intended to see print some day, so beyond absolute requirements for the concept the game tried to avoid making any statements.

* We may no longer make household appliances saints.

Well that sounds like a load of whale scrotums.

Anonymouswizard

2020-10-03, 10:53 AM

Well that sounds like a load of whale scrotums.

Eh, it worked, partially due to the setting clearly stating it's assumptions (helped by it not reflecting the author's worldview), in the same way that In Nomine isn't problematic. I can't go into specifics, but basically it's extrapolation from a certain premise with some intentional ambiguity. If the group is willing for the buy-in it works, especially as by the end of character creation you'll know what works for your character, but it won't be fine in every group.

thorr-kan

2020-10-03, 12:20 PM

Eh, it worked, partially due to the setting clearly stating it's assumptions (helped by it not reflecting the author's worldview), in the same way that In Nomine isn't problematic. I can't go into specifics, but basically it's extrapolation from a certain premise with some intentional ambiguity. If the group is willing for the buy-in it works, especially as by the end of character creation you'll know what works for your character, but it won't be fine in every group.
So, Session 0, Know-Your-Table, and acknowledge this game isn't for everyone. Fair enough. (As an aside: I *like* In Nomine, but I'll never get a chance to play it.)

You know what? Let me know if this setting ever gets published. I'm curious, now.

Lvl 2 Expert

2020-10-03, 02:03 PM

* Upon capturing a vampire "alive", we may not exsanguinate a lab mouse and drip the vampire's blood into its stomach
** May not refer to the resulting vampire rodent as "Mousecula"
*** May not poke Mousecula with all known holy symbols to determine the true religion
**** If it turns out to be "the one the person poking believes in", may not meditate on the inherent holiness of all things and poke him with a random stick
***** Even if my character sincerely believes in that

Another alternative is that which holy symbols repel/hurt/killmurderate undead depends on their own lingering memories/feelings of guilt from when they were alive. A vampire is repelled by the golden sun of the morning lord because part of them still thinks of the morning lord as the ultimate force of good and the bane of all vampires.

****** I may not sent mousecula running using real 40+ Gouda.

Anonymouswizard

2020-10-03, 02:46 PM

So, Session 0, Know-Your-Table, and acknowledge this game isn't for everyone. Fair enough. (As an aside: I *like* In Nomine, but I'll never get a chance to play it.)

You know what? Let me know if this setting ever gets published. I'm curious, now.

I like In Nomine as well, but am in the same boat.

But yeah, player buy-in is basically the most important thing as to how problematic something is. I've made that mistake with Unknown Armies stuff and now let players blacklist topics.

Telok

2020-10-03, 06:28 PM

* Giant robot chainsaw nipples.
** Inexplicable, inescapable, invulnerable, immortal donkeys.

danielxcutter

2020-10-03, 08:47 PM

Another alternative is that which holy symbols repel/hurt/killmurderate undead depends on their own lingering memories/feelings of guilt from when they were alive. A vampire is repelled by the golden sun of the morning lord because part of them still thinks of the morning lord as the ultimate force of good and the bane of all vampires.

****** I may not sent mousecula running using real 40+ Gouda.

I recall that’s how it kinda works for Shadowhunters. One of the characters got turned into a vampire so when holding him in a prison they used the Jewish symbol for him. Not sure how it’d work for atheist vamps in that series tho.

Anonymouswizard

2020-10-06, 05:30 AM

* No matter ymy roll I cannot land the TARDIS on specific people.
** Even if they did bully me in the past.

Rockphed

2020-10-06, 09:45 PM

* No matter ymy roll I cannot land the TARDIS on specific people.
** Even if they did bully me in the past.

*** Nor if they bully me in the future.
**** Creating paradoxes on purpose is right out.

Rater202

2020-10-08, 12:31 AM

*There are a limited number of situations were singing songs from the Star Wars Kinect sound track can save the day.
**Must stop singing We No Speak Huttese at every opportunity.
***May not point out the irony of the song itself being in Huttese.
****Even if I can guess, I can no longer sing songs in languages that I don't speak.

Anonymouswizard

2020-10-08, 04:28 AM

*** Nor if they bully me in the future.
**** Creating paradoxes on purpose is right out.

***** I am not to murder anybody's grandfather.
****** Or become them.

Lord Raziere

2020-10-08, 07:26 AM

* May not say to another member of the party that they're acting like a "21st century pop-culture critic" in response to them pointing out scientific problems with my powers
** Even if I am in a game set in the future where the 21st century is long gone
*** and live in an era where science has done things that the 21st century considers impossible

Rater202

2020-10-19, 12:25 AM

*In a Naruto based game, cannot introduce an all female team from the Village Hidden in The Sound as "The Girls of Rock and Roll."

Genth

2020-10-19, 03:33 PM

*I may not get irrationally angry at an ancient underground civilization of cat people not having metal
**No, no matter how impossible it seems to build and maintain an undergound civilisation with you know, tunnels, without metal tools
***I may not have my minstrel character write an entire ballad about why a society without metal is bad
****I may not threaten bloody murder when NPCs bring it up. Especially when my character is supposed to be mild mannered and nice

iyaerP

2020-10-20, 03:26 PM

*I may not use the 300lb artifact of destruction, whose touch is death as a "rock on a rope" even if my Ogre is strong enough to swing said rope.

BlueHamsterBean

2020-10-20, 05:41 PM

*I may not use the 300lb artifact of destruction, whose touch is death as a "rock on a rope" even if my Ogre is strong enough to swing said rope.

**May not call this impromptu instant death flail "the rubber chicken."
***It's not even cockatrice related, and it doesn't turn people to stone.
****My character's greatest fear may not be "The Gnome With a Wand of Death."

danielxcutter

2020-10-21, 01:10 AM

**May not call this impromptu instant death flail "the rubber chicken."
***It's not even cockatrice related, and it doesn't turn people to stone.
****My character's greatest fear may not be "The Gnome With a Wand of Death."

Uh... Nethack?

BlueHamsterBean

2020-10-21, 06:38 AM

Uh... Nethack?
Correct! I heard about it from Matt Colville streams of all things. I played it for a bit, but found I had to be in the right mindset for it. Prepare to die... a lot.

Rater202

2020-10-25, 09:33 PM

*I cannot play a Kender who knows exactly how annoying their instincts are to most other races and studies sorcery in the hopes of being able to transcend beyond the limits of their biology and not anoy the people around them.

Lord Raziere

2020-10-25, 10:57 PM

* I may not make a vampire-like superhero to play that has all the same powers, but doesn't need to drink blood
** I may not make a good succubus, or a succubus who due to their good deeds managed to reincarnate as a tiefling with powers much like a succubus
**** May not constantly try to make traditionally evil concepts into heroes

* May not make a pragmatic serious bard who doesn't sing.

Rater202

2020-10-25, 11:07 PM

I can't make a transhumanist whose sole goal in life is to be able to walk around naked without violating public decency laws.

Anonymouswizard

2020-10-26, 08:26 AM

I can't make a transhumanist whose sole goal in life is to be able to walk around naked without violating public decency laws.

* My characters must have goals other then repealing public decency laws.

* May not come up with an actually compelling serious take on gnomes.
** Even if all I did was play up the dwarf aspects.
*** For the last time gnomes are silly inventors, not reclusive clans of loremasters and artisans.

From my creation of a Fantasy AGE/D&D5e setting spun off of discussions about D&D races with my girlfriend, but the take on gnomes has been simmering foot a long time. I've also got a take on dwarves that focuses heavily on religion and crafting, which I'm hoping will make the two races different enough to both include.

Telok

2020-10-26, 10:31 AM

* I am not allowed to have D&D characters such as:
1. A DwarfFortress dwarf
2. An Athasian halfling
3. A gnome of Zurich
4. WH40k ork
5. Grimm's fairy tales elf
6. Any human based on a RL human (Torquemada, Richelieu, anyone ever referred to as "the Butcher", etc.)
7. A plutonium dragonborn or half-dragon
8. A warforged with any sort of transformation or shape changing powers
9. Tieflings named Edgy McEdgelord of Edgeville.
10. Any non-standard race/species

Lord Raziere

2020-10-26, 07:17 PM

* May not insist that everything in the world is made of tiny dragons
** may not then try to exploit this because I'm an artificer
*** Eberron Dracoton Theory will never catch on.

Rockphed

2020-10-26, 11:38 PM

9. Tieflings named Edgy McEdgelord of Edgeville
Why not? He would obviously be an edgesquire.

Lord Raziere

2020-10-27, 12:23 AM

Why not? He would obviously be an edgesquire.

* My character may not be a happy Edgepeasant thankful that his edgebaron shoulders all the pain of ruling for him so he doesn't have to
** The Edge-Earls and Edgedukes do not argue with each other over who is more selfless bearers of pain so that the best one can be Edge-King rather than fight wars
*** There is no Kingdom of Edge and the Edgelords do not go "no, I rule alone! my suffering will bring happiness to my subjects!"

Rater202

2020-10-30, 01:25 PM

noob

2020-10-30, 01:59 PM

* My character may not be a happy Edgepeasant thankful that his edgebaron shoulders all the pain of ruling for him so he doesn't have to
** The Edge-Earls and Edgedukes do not argue with each other over who is more selfless bearers of pain so that the best one can be Edge-King rather than fight wars
*** There is no Kingdom of Edge and the Edgelords do not go "no, I rule alone! my suffering will bring happiness to my subjects!"
**** There is no intelligent sword edgelord who decreed "suffering might be substituted by sharpness"

SpoonR

2020-10-31, 09:08 PM

* I am not allowed to have D&D characters such as:
,,. anyone ever referred to as "the Butcher", etc.)

Unless they sparkle and are named Sig, or Curtis

Anonymouswizard

2020-11-01, 04:33 AM

Unless they sparkle and are named Sig, or Curtis

* I may not claim that these sparkles have been passed down the Armstrong family for generations.
** Not that they haven't been, I just can't be related to the Armstrongs.

On that note...
* The Sorcerer should not be more buff than the Fighter.

* I cannot identify classes via facial hair.
** There are Fighters without moustaches, just like there are wizards without beards.
*** Warlocks are not restricted to goatees.
**** Not all dwarves are wizards.

noob

2020-11-01, 05:49 AM

* I may not claim that these sparkles have been passed down the Armstrong family for generations.
** Not that they haven't been, I just can't be related to the Armstrongs.

On that note...
* The Sorcerer should not be more buff than the Fighter.

* I cannot identify classes via facial hair.
** There are Fighters without moustaches, just like there are wizards without beards.
*** Warlocks are not restricted to goatees.
**** Not all dwarves are wizards.

***** Nor are all the non wizard dwarves necessarily clerics or fighters or a mix of fighter, cleric and wizard.

danielxcutter

2020-11-01, 06:12 AM

...Has anyone seen a dwarf wizard actually? The only example I can think of in official sourcebooks is the sample Runesmith, though maybe there’s something outside 3.5e.

Anonymouswizard

2020-11-01, 07:36 AM

...Has anyone seen a dwarf wizard actually? The only example I can think of in official sourcebooks is the sample Runesmith, though maybe there’s something outside 3.5e.

Not as an official character, but I haven't read a ton of sourcebooks. I nearly played one in 3.5, because I decideds that out of the PhB races they had particularly good racial stat boosts forone (but +2 CON -2 CHA is just a pretty solid boost for aanything in 3.X), but the campaign never began. I've discovered that they somewhat suffer from the same problem as DEX-based Fighters, people go 'if you want a short wizard play a gnome'.

Yes, I literally got told in a Pathfinder game that when I put a 16 in Dex and a 10 in Strength I should play a Rogue and not a Fighter. Then I annoyed the party wizard by being quick to act (+7 Initiative), relatively sticky, and hard to take down. So the enemies all clustered around me and limited his ability to use AoE blasting spells when we'd have killed for a Sleep.

Yeah, the average player, even one who thinks they're good at optimisation, can have trouble wrapping their heads around noniconic builds. And considering we has six ranged characters and one frontliner sticky+survivable were my only two concerns.

noob

2020-11-01, 08:08 AM

Not as an official character, but I haven't read a ton of sourcebooks. I nearly played one in 3.5, because I decideds that out of the PhB races they had particularly good racial stat boosts forone (but +2 CON -2 CHA is just a pretty solid boost for aanything in 3.X), but the campaign never began. I've discovered that they somewhat suffer from the same problem as DEX-based Fighters, people go 'if you want a short wizard play a gnome'.

Yes, I literally got told in a Pathfinder game that when I put a 16 in Dex and a 10 in Strength I should play a Rogue and not a Fighter. Then I annoyed the party wizard by being quick to act (+7 Initiative), relatively sticky, and hard to take down. So the enemies all clustered around me and limited his ability to use AoE blasting spells when we'd have killed for a Sleep.

Yeah, the average player, even one who thinks they're good at optimisation, can have trouble wrapping their heads around noniconic builds. And considering we has six ranged characters and one frontliner sticky+survivable were my only two concerns.

High dex increase aoo count but for good stickyness you also need a long ranged melee weapon and some mobility restrainer (like trip attack).
You could make a 1 str fighter kill reliably opponents and keep them stuck reliably but the problem with low str is not as much damage as it is the fact you will be limited in item count worn so you will not be able to get all the cool items in your inventory.(like weapons that can deal all the kinds of damages, a bow just in case you face flying, a rope and all the other classical adventurer items)

danielxcutter

2020-11-01, 08:54 AM

To be honest, it sounds like your stats were the least of your problems. I mean if you only have one frontliner then fights are either going to be extremely risky or extremely silly, especially at lower levels.

Also is Pathfinder better with Weapon Finesse builds and damage than 3.5e? Personally the high Dex sounds okay, but I’d probably try to get at least a 12 in my Str.

Anonymouswizard

2020-11-01, 09:25 AM

High dex increase aoo count but for good stickyness you also need a long ranged melee weapon and some mobility restrainer (like trip attack).
You could make a 1 str fighter kill reliably opponents and keep them stuck reliably but the problem with low str is not as much damage as it is the fact you will be limited in item count worn so you will not be able to get all the cool items in your inventory.(like weapons that can deal all the kinds of damages, a bow just in case you face flying, a rope and all the other classical adventurer items)

Nah, I had to buff INT for more AoOs, I think I ended up dumping Cha over STR just to carry a bit more gear. I knew due to the GM I wouldn't need to plan for every situation, I think I didn't start with a bow just because of resources and at least one character having two.

I specifically didn't build a tripper because the rest of the party was low-op despite the wizard's player claiming otherwise, I was sticky via being able to give a nasty hit to anybody who moved away. The main problem was getting the right two handed finesse weapon, I think I ended up with an elven curved blade just to avoid the spiked chain,

To be honest, it sounds like your stats were the least of your problems. I mean if you only have one frontliner then fights are either going to be extremely risky or extremely silly, especially at lower levels.

Also is Pathfinder better with Weapon Finesse builds and damage than 3.5e? Personally the high Dex sounds okay, but I’d probably try to get at least a 12 in my Str.

Eh, there's a couple more finesse weapons, and I think that's it. It was more I had the rolls for a decent STR or DEX, and I choose the latter for the AC points. Strength was just enough that I could get Power Attack online fast, it might have actually been 12? 1st level combat was fun, in the Dwarf Fortress sense.

But yes, we certainly needed a second front liner, a Paladin, Barbarian, or Cleric would have gone down a treat. But everybody picked an elf or half-elf with a wand or bow (we had at least two rangers), and the next player to join rolled up an archer Cleric.

By the time that group moved to 5e there were less of us but another player willing to be a front liner (Barbarians or slightly more hearty rogues IME). Made combat much easier, no need to optimise for stickiness as much as just being a vague threat compared to the druid.

When I'm not playing wizards (or warlocks) I tend to go for frontline builds just because they give the squishies an extra turn of support. I've never got to play a spellcasting Cleric because I'm too busy armouring mine up to hold the line.

danielxcutter

2020-11-01, 10:20 AM

Nah, I had to buff INT for more AoOs, I think I ended up dumping Cha over STR just to carry a bit more gear. I knew due to the GM I wouldn't need to plan for every situation, I think I didn't start with a bow just because of resources and at least one character having two.

I specifically didn't build a tripper because the rest of the party was low-op despite the wizard's player claiming otherwise, I was sticky via being able to give a nasty hit to anybody who moved away. The main problem was getting the right two handed finesse weapon, I think I ended up with an elven curved blade just to avoid the spiked chain.

Elven curved blades? Are those a Pathfinder thing or did you just port the ones from Races of the Wild? Not bad, but you'd still need Str to -

Eh, there's a couple more finesse weapons, and I think that's it. It was more I had the rolls for a decent STR or DEX, and I choose the latter for the AC points. Strength was just enough that I could get Power Attack online fast, it might have actually been 12? 1st level combat was fun, in the Dwarf Fortress sense.

Oh. Never mind then. If my knowledge of PF is correct then I guess you could have grabbed Power Attack at level 4 or so, and that feat's not so great at lower levels anyways.

But yes, we certainly needed a second front liner, a Paladin, Barbarian, or Cleric would have gone down a treat. But everybody picked an elf or half-elf with a wand or bow (we had at least two rangers), and the next player to join rolled up an archer Cleric.

I'm not sure if it's the frustration or staring at a screen for hours that's giving me a slight headache right now.

By the time that group moved to 5e there were less of us but another player willing to be a front liner (Barbarians or slightly more hearty rogues IME). Made combat much easier, no need to optimise for stickiness as much as just being a vague threat compared to the druid.

That's nice. "Stickiness" is "force the enemies to focus on you or suffer even more" I presume? Also I hear Druids aren't really that great anymore in 5e, what can they do? Casters in general seems a lot weaker there. Except the Bard, looks like they got a lot of upgrades.

When I'm not playing wizards (or warlocks) I tend to go for frontline builds just because they give the squishies an extra turn of support. I've never got to play a spellcasting Cleric because I'm too busy armouring mine up to hold the line.

Funny, every game I've been in or applied to, I've tried to either be some kind of gish or made my character to go into that later on. Don't want to be a non-caster but don't want to miss out on the action either I guess.

Anonymouswizard

2020-11-01, 10:37 AM

Elven curved blades? Are those a Pathfinder thing or did you just port the ones from Races of the Wild? Not bad, but you'd still need Str to -

Pathfinder, essentially a lower damage finessible bastard sword. In the core rulebook, so The GM felt forced to allow them despite thinking I should be a rogue.

Oh. Never mind then. If my knowledge of PF is correct then I guess you could have grabbed Power Attack at level 4 or so, and that feat's not so great at lower levels anyways.

I think 3rd? I left the campaign before it was possible, came back later when the group changed systems.

I'm not sure if it's the frustration or staring at a screen for hours that's giving me a slight headache right now.

That party frustrated me as well. Especially with how none of them could pick up 'use the d20 for skill checks and attack rolls' but the elfiness and bow-centrism was a part of it.

That's nice. "Stickiness" is "force the enemies to focus on you or suffer even more" I presume? Also I hear Druids aren't really that great anymore in 5e, what can they do? Casters in general seems a lot weaker there. Except the Bard, looks like they got a lot of upgrades.

Yeah, stickiness via threat instead of lockdown. After the first enemy to move away from you takes a large hit most intelligent enemies become less willing to do so.

And casters are weaker, but still generally better than martials.

Funny, every game I've been in or applied to, I've tried to either be some kind of gish or made my character to go into that later on. Don't want to be a non-caster but don't want to miss out on the action either I guess.

Oh, I much prefer to play casters, but I tend to find that frontliners are rare. I play wizards when I can get away with it, but that's not always possible, and most gishes will serve as frontliners.

danielxcutter

2020-11-01, 10:57 AM

Pathfinder, essentially a lower damage finessible bastard sword. In the core rulebook, so The GM felt forced to allow them despite thinking I should be a rogue.

Elven courtblades are two-handed exotic weapons with 1d10 damage and 18-20 crit range, so essentially more like a finessable falchion. Maybe that's where Pathfinder got the idea, actually.

I think 3rd? I left the campaign before it was possible, came back later when the group changed systems.

Hmm. Power Attack still requires 13 Str in PF though. I thought stat gains were at every 4 levels like in 3.5e.

That party frustrated me as well. Especially with how none of them could pick up 'use the d20 for skill checks and attack rolls' but the elfiness and bow-centrism was a part of it.

Maybe they should have tried stabbing enemies with their ears then.

Yeah, stickiness via threat instead of lockdown. After the first enemy to move away from you takes a large hit most intelligent enemies become less willing to do so.

As someone has likely said, the best status to inflict on enemies is death.

And casters are weaker, but still generally better than martials.

I doubt Druids are as crazy as they were in 3.5e, but what do they have besides "gets up to 9ths"? 5e does at least give casters a lot of other things to do that isn't just "cast spells".

Oh, I much prefer to play casters, but I tend to find that frontliners are rare. I play wizards when I can get away with it, but that's not always possible, and most gishes will serve as frontliners.

Yeah, I did put ranged spells into my spellbook/spells known, but I was always going to be mostly about either using magic to make me hit things better or make it harder to hit me. Still, having the option is always nice.

Rater202

2020-11-01, 11:03 AM

*I am neither the King nor Queen of Cheese.

*I may not play a Conan or Red Sonja inspired character unless I have the means to gain some degree of resistance to the elements, lest I deal with the consequences of skin cancer or frost bite.

Socksy

2020-11-06, 01:52 PM

*In Vampire the Masquerade, my Ventru's refine palet must be broad enough that it's feasible that I can... You know, actually, feed.
** "Middle-Aged Asian-American Strippers named Samatha who are independently wealthy and strip for fun and to show off how well they've aged becuase tey take damn good care of themselves" is too specific.
***"People who are currently in or identify as citizens of a nation on the North American continent" is not specific enough.

I've been getting into V:tM recently too, and have just joined a group who are running a handful of games at the same time. Some of these have happened in play, some of them I've just thought about for too long.

* If my Malkavian is the sanest in the party, something has gone terribly wrong.
** Should refrain from giving the other players existential crises.
*** Doesn't matter how many water spells the Tremere has, she will not like being compared to an aquatic Gangrel.
**** The rest of the local Camarilla will not appreciate it if I turn all the odd numbers in their computer files into even numbers, even though superprime numbers are harbingers of doom and I told them at least twice to increase their cybersecurity.
***** Politely informing the rest of the group that one cannot spell "Sabbat" without "Abba" will derail the session.
****** Any comparisons between the Antediluvians and the Primarchs will also derail the session.
******* If the NPC has an Arthurian name, can't decline an invitation to his Elysium because "'tis a silly place."

* Diablerie is not "the forbidden snacc".
** I can't scream (IC) that another PC is a Baali because he's using Daimonion if I also have it, especially since I'm not a Baali either.
*** Shouldn't describe Celerity to the new players as "the mystical art of breaking the action economy".
**** Shouldn't describe Fortitude to the new players as "the mystical art of staying undead instead of becoming regular-dead".
***** There are several low level abilities that let me see in the dark, but activating them all at once doesn't let me see in the dark multiple times at the same time.
****** If the GM hates technomancy and doesn't allow it in games they run, using Spiritus to "communicate with the machine spirits!" will make said GM sad.

* The Fencing specialty of the Streetwise talent does not in any way affect my skill with a rapier.
** If I want to romance other PCs, probably shouldn't have played a ghoul who gets squicked out by the thought of sleeping with the undead.
*** All slang between 1850 and 2010 is not interchangeable.
**** I should remember how isolated the players are in lockdown before assuming they'll choose to save the wraith child from eternal torment, especially when the other option is to snort drugs off a Settite's breasts.

* Tremere ghouls do not turn back into pumpkins at midnight.
* Zulo Form has no place in a furry convention.
* The Tzimisce's clan weakness is not "nobody knows how to spell or pronounce Tzimisce".
* Ventrue antitribu are not called Venfalse.
* Can't play any Revenant house whose rules don't make sense.
* Bob Maali is not a suitable name for a Baali.
* I will remember that if one of us makes a terrible pop culture reference, we will all start making terrible pop culture references.
* The True Brujah aren't a Malkavian bloodline, even if I have a great argument as to why they should be.
* "Not being edgy" isn't a level 1 sin for Lasombra, regardless of their Path.
* On the subject of Lasombra, we should figure out how that mirror-based ritual that lets you see things how they truly are works on them.
* Exodia the Forbidden One is not an Antediluvian, Methuselah, or anything else.

Rater202

2020-11-09, 02:03 PM

*here are a million better uses for a single-use artifact that permanently encodes something in your memory than memorizing all of the lyrics to REM's It's The End Of The World As We Know It.

Lord Raziere

2020-11-09, 02:17 PM

* When encountering a baby dragon hatching and its mutated by a mindflayer and it comes out having an octopus head, obviously my first action is to hug it
** Any concerns about the thing trying to eat my brain are unfounded, its just hugging me back with its tentacles
*** Think happy thoughts, THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS

* I can't be a Total Vegeta this
** Nor be a Kind Of A Katsuki Bakugo about that
*** Under no circumstances am I to be a Complete Sasuke about anything
**** I am however welcome to be an Absolute Killua about anything I want.

BisectedBrioche

2020-11-09, 05:00 PM

* RPing your character bumbling into an obviously shady situation after biffing a perception check is fine, but having her wind up in debt to a bog crone for a full bag of tea (which she isn't even low on and could have just travelled an extra day for) is stretching it.

Rater202

2020-11-11, 04:23 AM

I cannot go on a long, convoluted quest to become a God solely to learn what it;s like to have a fully functioning eye in the middle of your forehead.

noob

2020-11-11, 05:22 AM

I cannot go on a long, convoluted quest to become a God solely to learn what it;s like to have a fully functioning eye in the middle of your forehead.
** It is not because you could instead go on a long, simple quest to kill all the gods then proclaim yourself a god then just buy some cyberware to graft an eye in the middle of your forehead.

danielxcutter

2020-11-11, 05:51 AM

...If this is D&D aren’t there spells for that?

Anonymouswizard

2020-11-11, 07:04 AM

** It is not because you could instead go on a long, simple quest to kill all the gods then proclaim yourself a god then just buy some cyberware to graft an eye in the middle of your forehead.

*** No badgering a Salubri for the Embrace just to avoid surgery.

* A prehensile tail does not give me bonuses to seduction rolls.
** Or to... look if I keep making the GM uncomfortable they'll take my tail away.

danielxcutter

2020-11-11, 07:31 AM

*** No badgering a Salubri for the Embrace just to avoid surgery.

* A prehensile tail does not give me bonuses to seduction rolls.
** Or to... look if I keep making the GM uncomfortable they'll take my tail away.

About that... (https://antiheroescomic.com/comic/38)

Socksy

2020-11-11, 04:57 PM

*** No badgering a Salubri for the Embrace just to avoid surgery.

****Asking the Salubri if she can navigate through the Warp, even if our Vampire game is set in a time when 40k has already been published, is just rude.

danielxcutter

2020-11-11, 09:03 PM

****Asking the Salubri if she can navigate through the Warp, even if our Vampire game is set in a time when 40k has already been published, is just rude.

I don’t get it.

Lord Raziere

2020-11-11, 09:07 PM

****Asking the Salubri if she can navigate through the Warp, even if our Vampire game is set in a time when 40k has already been published, is just rude.

***** Asking the True Brujah if they can use ZA WARUDO is also frowned upon.

Socksy

2020-11-12, 05:27 AM

I don’t get it.

In 40k, Navigators have a third eye on their forehead which allows them (amongst other things) to navigate through the Warp. If you're playing Vampire set in any time after the 80s, it's completely possible for your character to have played 40k.

noob

2020-11-12, 06:00 AM

In 40k, Navigators have a third eye on their forehead which allows them (amongst other things) to navigate through the Warp. If you're playing Vampire set in any time after the 80s, it's completely possible for your character to have played 40k.

There is conversion rules for converting 40k characters to vampire ones somehow????
Should I go play a techpriest and stab vampires with metal and not admit that wood is superior for that?

Anonymouswizard

2020-11-12, 08:43 AM

In 40k, Navigators have a third eye on their forehead which allows them (amongst other things) to navigate through the Warp. If you're playing Vampire set in any time after the 80s, it's completely possible for your character to have played 40k.

To be fair, the Salubri would need to have reached the second level of Valeren to get their third eye, and non-Sabbat Salubri who do that are being really dumb. In Cainite terms the third eye is unique to the Salubri, is uncomfortable to hide, and it doesn't do much to improve your survivability. Which is all bad when you're being hunted down because people think that you're soul-sucking demon kin.

There is conversion rules for converting 40k characters to vampire ones somehow????
Should I go play a techpriest and stab vampires with metal and not admit that wood is superior for that?

No, but 40k can easily be referenced in Vampire. It's equivalent to me asking a priest to cure wounds IRL.

Although I believe one version had rules for going cyberpunk, I have no idea if those were official or fanmade.

Laughing Dog

2020-11-12, 10:16 PM

*I am not to refer to vampire hunting as "free range archaeology".
**If we are being ordered to investigate a necropolis that is a few centuries old and are being paid half up front; that doesn't mean we are legitimate archaeologists this time around.
***We weren't archaeologists to begin with.

TheYell

2020-11-13, 07:03 AM

*I may not bypass the penalties for an abysmal MA score by killing a prisoner and then using Commune with Spirit psychic power to ask it questions

*I may not assign alignment-shifting 'jobs' to NPCs
** Paraphrasing the Godfather about NPCs being animals who can lose their souls is right out

* In the bowels of the enemy pyramid I may not ask to be shown the OFF switch
**Reciting Mumra's "Ancient Spirits of Evil" mantra asks for a ZOT

*Wrist blades are a privilege that can be lost.
**They do not give a closer shave
*** The lead blade does not lift the enemy's head so the second blade can cut it off smoother

noob

2020-11-13, 12:06 PM

*Wrist blades are a privilege that can be lost.

How did you lose your wrist blade privilege?
Was it by mounting a bayonet on your wrist blade as it seems suggested by

*** The lead blade does not lift the enemy's head so the second blade can cut it off smoother
?

Socksy

2020-11-13, 03:03 PM

*I am not to refer to vampire hunting as "free range archaeology".

You just made me make a noise out loud.

* Male mummies aren't called Daddies.

* Transgender Awareness Week doesn't give the Nosferatu's retainer a -2 difficulty on his rolls to sense supernatural, even if he was assigned female at birth.
** Nor does it give everyone else a -2 difficulty to know he's a Hedge Mage.
*** Because by that logic, only one of the party would be allowed to use Obfuscate during Bisexual Visibility Month.

Laughing Dog

2020-11-14, 09:50 PM

*I am not to refer to vampire hunting as "free range archaeology".You just made me make a noise out loud.

:smallbiggrin:

Unrelated:
*The traditional Satyrian Warcry is not "Party Hard!"
**My goal for a campaign shouldn't be to become a dwarven lord and lead an army of 57 other dwarves to annihilate everything in my path.
***Having a flying fortress is acceptable. Having a Warforged Wizard Awaken it isn't.
****Living happily ever after involves more than throwing a giant party that spans the entire plane.
*****Killing a cat and bringing it back from the dead is not a method to create a giant zombie horde.
******I am to stop attempting to recreate my MtG decks in the campaigns.

Rater202

2020-11-14, 10:14 PM

I may not paraphrase Nickelback songs in-character as part of a monolog.

Taevyr

2020-11-14, 11:11 PM

* When playing a Naruto d20 one-shot, spending all of my starting capital on shuriken and trying to solve literally every problem with them may be frowned upon.

** When an examinator asks me exactly how many shuriken I am carrying, I cannot just answer "yes".

*** Throwing deadly weapons at rival students during an exam because it's "efficient" isn't "solving a problem"

**** No matter how capable I am with them, throwing shuriken non-lethally doesn't quite work as well

***** Putting all your shuriken in a bag to use as a non-lethal bludgeoning weapon is original, but may make you DM consider what led him to this point in life

****** Calculating the weight of said bag, climbing high up and dropping it on enemies for massive "non-lethal" damage may induce a mild meltdown

******* Answering a party member asking you whether you can do anything non-shuriken related with "Shure-I-can" after all this is equally hilarious and mentally scarring, apparently

ftafp

2020-11-14, 11:58 PM

* It is fine for my warforged druid to integrate leather armor
** It is fine for my warforged druid to want to be alive
*** It is not fine for my warforged druid to make leather armor from the skin of his enemies so he can experience what it feels like to have skin

* Winter clothing can be used to disguise three kobolds as a human
** Winter clothing can not be used to disguise a million spiders as a swarm ranger

Rockphed

2020-11-15, 12:56 AM

I may not paraphrase Nickelback songs in-character as part of a monolog.
Behold the engraving. Why are our eyes clouded with rage, and what manner of helmetry does Joedr wear?

BisectedBrioche

2020-11-15, 03:20 AM

* Punching a gnoll as a last resort is fine, but when you're a rogue it's not a great first resort.

Disclaimer: In the end, I got inspiration.

danielxcutter

2020-11-15, 03:47 AM

* Punching a gnoll as a last resort is fine, but when you're a rogue it's not a great first resort.

Disclaimer: In the end, I got inspiration.

I'm pretty sure most classes called "rogues" gain significant bonuses if they punch first.

noob

2020-11-15, 06:55 AM

:smallbiggrin:

Unrelated:
*The traditional Satyrian Warcry is not "Party Hard!"
**My goal for a campaign shouldn't be to become a dwarven lord and lead an army of 57 other dwarves to annihilate everything in my path.
***Having a flying fortress is acceptable. Having a Warforged Wizard Awaken it isn't.
****Living happily ever after involves more than throwing a giant party that spans the entire plane.
*****Killing a cat and bringing it back from the dead is not a method to create a giant zombie horde.
******I am to stop attempting to recreate my MtG decks in the campaigns.
**** The warforged wizard will not change their name to karn even if you ask them politely.
****** It does work if you use clone but it is frowned upon and ridiculously expensive.
****** No you should not use ignore material components in order to make clones for free to make a "cheap zombie cat horde"

Anonymouswizard

2020-11-15, 10:37 AM

* It doesn't matter if it has no listed weight, I cannot carry a castle.

Personification

2020-11-15, 11:05 AM

:smallbiggrin:

Unrelated:
*The traditional Satyrian Warcry is not "Party Hard!"
**My goal for a campaign shouldn't be to become a dwarven lord and lead an army of 57 other dwarves to annihilate everything in my path.
***Having a flying fortress is acceptable. Having a Warforged Wizard Awaken it isn't.
****Living happily ever after involves more than throwing a giant party that spans the entire plane.
*****Killing a cat and bringing it back from the dead is not a method to create a giant zombie horde.
******I am to stop attempting to recreate my MtG decks in the campaigns.

You have Karn animate Parhelion II?
Why am I not doing that?
Also, who are the other 49 dwarves?

Laughing Dog

2020-11-15, 06:29 PM

You have Karn animate Parhelion II?
Why am I not doing that?
Also, who are the other 49 dwarves?

Because that deck is well out of standard?

I count each instance of seven dwarves as seven (as there actually are seven in each picture). Four tokens from dwarven mines and four Rimrock knights round out the fifty seven.

BisectedBrioche

2020-11-16, 07:02 AM

I'm pretty sure most classes called "rogues" gain significant bonuses if they punch first.

This a) wasn't first and b) wasn't with a weapon or advantage (so no sneak attack bonus, just my str modifier).

danielxcutter

2020-11-16, 11:56 AM

This a) wasn't first and b) wasn't with a weapon or advantage (so no sneak attack bonus, just my str modifier).

Lemme guess, 5e?

Socksy

2020-11-16, 05:22 PM

* May not base any Kindred on any Gilbert and Sullivan character.

** Even if The Mikado is about what happens when the Prince's childe wants to run off with a Toreador neonate, even though he's pledged to the Sheriff, a powerful Nosferatu.

Anonymouswizard

2020-11-16, 06:50 PM

BisectedBrioche

2020-11-16, 07:49 PM

Lemme guess, 5e?

Good guess

Rater202

2020-11-17, 05:05 PM

*I cannot base my characters on Starbomb songs.

Hellpyre

2020-11-17, 08:56 PM

*I cannot base my characters on Starbomb songs.

**Submitting links to songs is in no way a substitute for writing a backstory, even if it perfectly encapsulates the character.

danielxcutter

2020-11-17, 09:32 PM

*I cannot base my characters on Starbomb songs.

Well first I’m gonna warp you into a world of hate and war/where you’ll be forced to assault everyone you’ve known and loved before

BisectedBrioche

2020-11-18, 07:17 AM

*I cannot base my characters on Starbomb songs.

My character's basically the fanon version of Samus (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5zL3FMyoq8) (with a bit of tweaking and additions to make something more original). My DM is powerless to stop me at this point.

Socksy

2020-11-18, 08:21 AM

* Doesn't matter what you just rolled on that Conscience check, if you're in the Sabbat, you frequently kill, you murdered a delivery driver to flesh-shape into her identity, and you wear a still-living jacket made out of people, your Humanity should not still be 10.

danielxcutter

2020-11-18, 08:32 AM

My character's basically the fanon version of Samus (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5zL3FMyoq8) (with a bit of tweaking and additions to make something more original). My DM is powerless to stop me at this point.

...And today I learned that they did a 3D animation for that one. I think the lyrics are a bit different though.

Also can you elaborate on "fanon Samus"?

BisectedBrioche

2020-11-18, 11:04 AM

...And today I learned that they did a 3D animation for that one. I think the lyrics are a bit different though.

Also can you elaborate on "fanon Samus"?

Basically exaggerating some of the sillier aspects of her backstory. Like strange habits from being raised by birds, or what she does for fun.

Spore

2020-11-19, 12:00 AM

*I cannot base my characters on Starbomb songs.

What have you done?! I must now play a stupid Paladin with a whip and no wisdom nor intelligence. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=brs6-uQMfGU)

** I cannot sigh at the DM in return when he refers to my paladin's heritage as "from that ingrate family".
*** Doubly cannot link his poor mental stats to "keeping the bloodline clean" and the family tree basically a line.

Rockphed

2020-11-19, 11:26 PM

*** Doubly cannot link his poor mental stats to "keeping the bloodline clean" and the family tree basically a line.

**** Even if I only have 2 unique ancestors in each of the last 5 generations, I cannot challenge Pelor for his portfolio.
***** No, incest and murder do not solve all problems.
****** A massive pile of gold can solve lots of things, that is why we are being offered one to solve the problem.
******* If my in-laws, brides, and children start mysteriously dying so I inherit lands and titles, rulers will be less likely to allow me to marry their offspring.
******** The magic axe does not have a distinct purple sheen.
********* Declaring a holy war against the followers of Pelor is not a good way to get the followers of Pelor to put together massive piles of wealth to support your war effort.

danielxcutter

2020-11-20, 01:04 AM

**** Even if I only have 2 unique ancestors in each of the last 5 generations, I cannot challenge Pelor for his portfolio.
***** No, incest and murder do not solve all problems.
****** A massive pile of gold can solve lots of things, that is why we are being offered one to solve the problem.
******* If my in-laws, brides, and children start mysteriously dying so I inherit lands and titles, rulers will be less likely to allow me to marry their offspring.
******** The magic axe does not have a distinct purple sheen.
********* Declaring a holy war against the followers of Pelor is not a good way to get the followers of Pelor to put together massive piles of wealth to support your war effort.

...Purple sheen?

Rockphed

2020-11-20, 09:14 AM

...Purple sheen?

Yep, "purple sheen (https://www.reddit.com/r/CrusaderKings/comments/5ystkl/2_ruthless_axe_of_the_victorious_chieftain/)". That was a list of CK2-memes that popped into my head when I read about linear family trees. The other option was referencing Edgar Allen Poe.

noob

2020-11-20, 10:28 AM