Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permission

[Socksy]

* My ukulele has no place at the gaming table.
** Even if my character has ranks in Perform.
*** Especially if my character has ranks in Perform.
**** This applies doubly if it's a terrible-quality ukulele, I've only been playing it for two weeks, and I can't stop fidgeting with it.

[Rater202]

I am not to voice random NPCs in my best Salad Fingers impersonation solely for the sake of seeing who gets uncomfortable.

[Personification]

*Yes, Zariel is canon.
**No, this does not mean that for factual accuracy you must amend the saying to "Hell hath exactly one fury that is something akin to a woman scorned."
***No, error bars will not help you.

[Spore]

I am not to voice random NPCs in my best Salad Fingers impersonation solely for the sake of seeing who gets uncomfortable.

I may not slowly introduce Hubert Cumberdale, Marjory Stewart-Baxter, and Jeremy Fisher as random townsfolk, slowly drifting away from the actual story focussing on random details like a rusty nail standing off of the town sign.
I doubly may not hint at all of Saladfinger's friends being part of some Old God cult.
Insight rolls may not reveal individual NPC's overall taste.

[Telok]

* In addition to DwarfFortress I am no longer allowed to base characters off of anything resembling Progress Quest, Kingdom of Loathing, or any of those "weird foreign art films" that I like.

** I am no longer allowed to play any sort of scientist/engineet unless the setting is supposed to be demolished, nuked, wrecked, inverted, unraveled, or otherwise done in, within the first 10 game sessions.

*** Not allowed to do anything that requires calculating lunar eclipse shadows and attack rolls against everything on a planet's hemisphere that is detectible from orbit.

[Hellpyre]

*I may not claim to have the sharpest eyes in all the land with a -5 to my perception related skills.
**Even if I have exclusively rolled maximum successes for them in the last 3 session
***Especially if my prowess is due to dumb luck rather than any real ability.
****I may, however, lay claim to a near-magical aptitude for dumb luck and artificial contrivance
*****This does not make my PC the main character and the other PCs the supporting cast.

[Rater202]

*I may not claim to have the sharpest eyes in all the land with a -5 to my perception related skills.

*A character who has no eyes can't claim to have the sharpest eyes in the land by having a pair of custom made +5 feycraft pureore orethblood/pureore Mythril keen vorpal daggers of greater wounding designed specifically to slide in snuggly to their empty eyesockets and be held in place with straps.
**Not even if he names them The Left and Right Eye of *Name*

[danielxcutter]

*A character who has no eyes can't claim to have the sharpest eyes in the land by having a pair of custom made +5 feycraft pureore orethblood/pureore Mythril keen vorpal daggers of greater wounding designed specifically to slide in snuggly to their empty eyesockets and be held in place with straps.
**Not even if he names them The Left and Right Eye of *Name*

***Suggesting they are artifacts that only work if you stick them in your eyesockets is right out.
****Vecna just filed a cease-and-desist.

[JAL_1138]

*May not create a huge clan of near-identical characters so as to have backups when one dies.
**They may not be the Clan Redshirt.
***The pool of Redshirts may not all have the same first name “Glenn.”
****To distinguish among the numerous Glenns, they may not all have middle names like Livet, Fiddich, Morangie, etc., etc.

[Telok]

* I may no longer take the DM at their word if they say things like "fluff is mutable" or "you can change anything as long as it doesn't affect mechanics". They really mean I can just change some colors and add/subtract facial hair.
** I may not refluff a 7' 6" tall goliath into a 2' spider-baby with 4' long limbs.
*** I may not swap the druid fluff with the warlock fluff.
**** I may not re-fluff wildshape as spontaneous spider-baby mutations.
***** The druid metal armor thing is not fluff even if it is in the fluff description and has no mechanical effects.
****** "Druids" using shields cold hammered out of naturally occurring copper nuggets is not allowed.
******* Murdering a tribe of tortles to make shell plate armor is kosher.
******** The "druid" may wear thirty pounds of clothing woven from copper wire extracted from malachite via sulfuric acid as long as it doesn't provide AC bonuses.

[danielxcutter]

* I may no longer take the DM at their word if they say things like "fluff is mutable" or "you can change anything as long as it doesn't affect mechanics". They really mean I can just change some colors and add/subtract facial hair.
** I may not refluff a 7' 6" tall goliath into a 2' spider-baby with 4' long limbs.
*** I may not swap the druid fluff with the warlock fluff.
**** I may not re-fluff wildshape as spontaneous spider-baby mutations.
***** The druid metal armor thing is not fluff even if it is in the fluff description and has no mechanical effects.
****** "Druids" using shields cold hammered out of naturally occurring copper nuggets is not allowed.
******* Murdering a tribe of tortles to make shell plate armor is kosher.
******** The "druid" may wear thirty pounds of clothing woven from copper wire extracted from malachite via sulfuric acid as long as it doesn't provide AC bonuses.

In 3.5e at least there are specific examples of metal armors being able to be used by druids but I’m guessing there’s no such thing in 5e?

[Personification]

*I may not claim to have the sharpest eyes in all the land with a -5 to my perception related skills.
**Even if I have exclusively rolled maximum successes for them in the last 3 session
***Especially if my prowess is due to dumb luck rather than any real ability.
****I may, however, lay claim to a near-magical aptitude for dumb luck and artificial contrivance
*****This does not make my PC the main character and the other PCs the supporting cast.


*A character who has no eyes can't claim to have the sharpest eyes in the land by having a pair of custom made +5 feycraft pureore orethblood/pureore Mythril keen vorpal daggers of greater wounding designed specifically to slide in snuggly to their empty eyesockets and be held in place with straps.
**Not even if he names them The Left and Right Eye of *Name*


***Suggesting they are artifacts that only work if you stick them in your eyesockets is right out.
****Vecna just filed a cease-and-desist.
This has never been an issue for the Steel Inquisitors:
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/0b/39/fe/0b39fe38a46b64421406ff47459f33e3.jpg

In 3.5e at least there are specific examples of metal armors being able to be used by druids but I’m guessing there’s no such thing in 5e?

All it has is the words "Druids will not wear armor or shields made of metal" in the section on armor proficiency. It is pretty much left up to DMs how they want to enforce that.

[Rater202]

A faction of grey Jedi that consists entirely of female humanoids in a mostly non-hierarchal polyamorous relationship using their bonds with each other to power their connection to the force will always be dismissed as "lesbian space hippies," no matter how you present them.

[Lord Raziere]

Meanwhile on the grimdark end of the space fantasy spectrum....

* My astropath may not claim that they're the closest thing most people will ever get to meeting the actual God-Emperor and act like she is a holy being that everyone should worship
** If she is technically correct about the first part, given that she has a shard of the emperor's very soul inside of her
*** "Hey girl, want to get it on with a literal shard of divinity" is not a good pickup line.
**** trying to convert Slaanesh to pure lesbianism to get rid of their cruelty is not a good plan.
*****especially when the Ecclesiarchy is always watchful for Slaaneshi heresy

* May not claim the God-Emperor's true gender is nonbinary and refer to them as Emperor/Empress interchangeably.
** the God-Emperor is not an androgynous being who decided to go with "Emperor of Mankind" for convenience.
*** "Emperoress of Humankind" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

* Khorne and his worshippers are not destroyed as if by holy power by hugging them and reciting lines from any of the following: My Little Pony, Steven Universe, Undertale, Naruto, Trigun, Pokemon....
** Nurgle is not destroyed by spraying hand sanitizer while chanting "wash your hands, brush your teeth, take a shower!" repeatedly
*** Tzeentch is not destroyed by presenting a football in front of him and talking about the latest sports.

[Bohandas]

* Khorne and his worshippers are not destroyed as if by holy power by hugging them and reciting lines from any of the following: My Little Pony, Steven Universe, Undertale, Naruto, Trigun, Pokemon....

Don't forget the Care Bears




** Nurgle is not destroyed by spraying hand sanitizer while chanting "wash your hands, brush your teeth, take a shower!" repeatedly

Or by wearing a cloth mask

[BisectedBrioche]

* If your level 3 rogue ends up fighting the boss that was created for the whole party to ambush later on her own, with no weapons, that's on you.

(don't worry, she lived)

[Laughing Dog]

*If my character doesn't have a positive CHA bonus, he probably shouldn't be the party face.
**Especially since the other party members are a Paladin, a Bard and a Marshal of all things.

*No supersonic bombers.

[danielxcutter]

*If my character doesn't have a positive CHA bonus, he probably shouldn't be the party face.
**Especially since the other party members are a Paladin, a Bard and a Marshal of all things.

*No supersonic bombers.

To quote Mr. Welch:


#1047. If my troll is the smartest character in the party, the entire party is vetoed.

[noob]

*If my character doesn't have a positive CHA bonus, he probably shouldn't be the party face.
**Especially since the other party members are a Paladin, a Bard and a Marshal of all things.

*No supersonic bombers.

It is a well known thing: player charisma have more influence on diplomacy checks than character charisma.

[Laughing Dog]

It is a well known thing: player charisma have more influence on diplomacy checks than character charisma.

The point was that the character wasn't specialized for being a face, and the others, well, those classes are a bit more suited for the role.

[danielxcutter]

I think Marshal gets Charisma twice to relevant skill checks, for starters. Assuming it's 3.5e. And Diplomacy is probably a class skill for them.

[Rater202]

Crossbreeding xenomorphs and Metroids was a horribly irresponsible thing to do.

[noob]

Crossbreeding xenomorphs and Metroids was a horribly irresponsible thing to do.

** Do not turn them into cyborgs to make them even more deadly.
*** If people starts suggesting nuclear weapons it is not that you should add them to those hybrids: they are suggesting those should be used to kill the hybrids.
**** At that point if nuking them makes them radioactive and even stronger "kill it with fire" seems impossible.
***** No that was not a challenge. Do not throw the planet in the sun.
****** You can not keep one as a pet even if their total kill count is a quarter of your own kill count.

[BisectedBrioche]

Crossbreeding xenomorphs and Metroids was a horribly irresponsible thing to do.

Science team has vapour for brains.

[danielxcutter]

Science team has vapour for brains.

Methinks it might be safer for the universe if they just got vaporized, period.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Even if it is a legitimate Victorian name I cannot use it if the other group members cannot take it seriously.

[Rockphed]

* Even if it is a legitimate Victorian name I cannot use it if the other group members cannot take it seriously.

* Stealing the names of my ancestors is only allowed if they sound like real names.
** Frosti Olafsen might have been a real person, but if you try to run one as anything other than an awakened ice golem or an ice wizard, you are not going to be taken seriously.

[danielxcutter]

* Stealing the names of my ancestors is only allowed if they sound like real names.
** Frosti Olafsen might have been a real person, but if you try to run one as anything other than an awakened ice golem or an ice wizard, you are not going to be taken seriously.

Is that one of your ancestors?

[Rockphed]

Is that one of your ancestors?

My siblings always used to pull out my parents' family tree program and navigate to "Frosty", possibly with a patronymic when I was a kid. The "Olafsen" is made up based on the snowchild from Frozen. This was the same program where we had managed to confuse people with the same name such that someone was his own great-grandfather, so I am not sure that Frosty was ever anything more than a legend. I also never had the knack for finding my way to him, so I can't check any of the details.

More from my ancestors:
* Just because I am a bard does not mean I am contractually obligated to fake my death at the first opportunity.
* Getting cut off in an ox-cart is not a good reason for road-rage.
** Friendly competitions are great. Extending them to get more work done is great. Refusing to go through with your promised reward because who was winning changed after the extension is very, very bad.
* Poison Ivy is not a "get out of combat" card.
** Not even if you figure out how to make a whip out of it.

[PhoenixPhyre]

I'm no longer allowed to name a subclass feature Baby Shark, Doo doo doo doo #todo: better name. Even if it gives you waterbreathing, a swim speed, and a bite attack. The bite attack should deal psychic damage and make you start helplessly singing that song though. That's ok. But not the name.

[TheTeaMustFlow]

* Even if it is a legitimate Victorian name I cannot use it if the other group members cannot take it seriously.

** Similarly, even if it's period-accurate, the medieval noblewoman cannot be called Tiffany.

* If the Cabal is made up of a mildly edgy Mystagogue, an very edgy Guardian of the Veil, and an idealistic Arrow doctor, the latter should probably not be the first to commit a Falling-level act of hubris.
** This goes double if the Arrow is the only one who isn't a Mastigos.
*** No, 'but Nazis' doesn't make violating the timestream OK. Do you want Wolfenstein? Because that's how you get Wolfenstein.
**** No matter what the rules say, trying to use Fate magic to cheat the roll to avoid losing wisdom for an act of hubris a) will not work and b) is itself an act of hubris.
***** Somehow passing the wisdom check despite your normal dice luck is not permission to do it again.

[Telok]

Character names may no longer be anagrams of the following:
"The paladin is an uptight *****"
"The sorcerer is a chaotic stupid *******"
"This is not an anagram"
"If it talks, sex"

[dspeyer]

* Just because I've summoned an Imp and CRISPRed it with firefly DNA does not mean "Bioluminescent Imps" are a demon species I can summon
** Even if I am on a different plane than my lab

[Telok]

* I may no longer cut and paste the druid fluff onto the warlock chassis in order to "bring about the downfall of civilization while shooting force butterflies at people because the fluffy bunnies told me to".
** I may not turn against the party during the BBEG fight because "Dude, for five weeks now! Bring about the downfall of civilization. What did you expect?" is perfectly in character and completes my DM approved backstory.
*** When the other players complain that my character's RP goals interfere with their murder-hobo ways I may not then bring and play a character so amoral, so mercenary, so murderous, and so loot focused, that the character's murder-hoboing make the players unfomfortable with murder-hoboing.
**** At least they stopped complaining about my characters having RP goals.
***** I may no longer claim that my backstory is DM approved unless the DM signed and dated it. Because that means they at least looked at it after I handed it to them.
****** I may no longer put a EULA modified from the DM's favorite news website on the back of the backstory in 1.5 size font.

[Anonymouswizard]

* The national lockdown has not, and never will, cause my character to snap into Adepthood.
** Even if I play the sanitation-based school.

* Even if the GM approves the etymolomancer I do not have the right to complain about other magickians mixing linguistic roots.

* My character cannot gain power from having multiple romantic partners.
** That Adept school is banned and I know it.
*** I can homebrew the ethical polyamorist Archetype as much as I want, but the GM is not going to allow it.

[John Campbell]

* Even if it is a legitimate Victorian name I cannot use it if the other group members cannot take it seriously.

** It does not matter if I can produce documentation for "Diet Coke" as a legit period name. ("Diet" was a diminutive for some other name I forget, and "Coke" was a variant spelling of the occupational surname "Cook".)

[thorr-kan]

** It does not matter if I can produce documentation for "Diet Coke" as a legit period name. ("Diet" was a diminutive for some other name I forget, and "Coke" was a variant spelling of the occupational surname "Cook".)

Bubba ap Elvis. Legitimately documented SCAdian persona name.

(Registering an SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism) name requires finding period (roughly 500AD-1500AD) documentation that the name was used. Somebody got this name registered for them in retribution. Our ancestors were *WEIRD.*)

Proof that history is stranger than fiction.

[Rater202]

There is not a government in the universe that would permit Tamaranean/Kryptonian(or Daxamite) hybrids as a supersoldier experiment.

[Lord Raziere]

* May not have my character do anything that may be considered "Being That Guy" or any variation upon the concept
** especially if being "That Guy" takes the form of holding up an important ritual to demand an apology from another PC and I'm the only one who can do the thing that'll make it continue
*** Not even if my PC had just saved the other PC's life and that PC just decides to throw it away for the sake of some random village out of stupid guilt over something they can't control

* May not "Be a total Franziska Von Karma" about this
** May not whip another PC out of frustration
*** May not whip random NPC's out of frustration
**** Whipping enemies to death in rage during combat however is perfectly in character and acceptable.

* My reaction to learning there is an evil double of me probably shouldn't be to ask whether I fall into the evil extremist archetype or the evil selfish archetype so I can prepare contingencies in case I fall to evil as well
** nor should my reaction to meeting the beautiful goddess between parallel universes be to blush and think about maybe asking her out on a date.

* If an enemy is be chosen by fate, I may not critically mind crush him on the first attack thus killing him before he truly does anything
** May not inadvertently cause roils throughout fate and the warp by killing him in ignorance of his status
*** May not claim that in wh40k, clearly being chosen by fate just means being Tzeentch's favored lackey that week and thus not all that special at all and that the only true higher plan for humanity is the God-Emperor's, being chosen by destiny? nothing but Tzeentchian heresy.

[Rockphed]

* If an enemy is be chosen by fate, I may not critically mind crush him on the first attack thus killing him before he truly does anything
** May not inadvertently cause roils throughout fate and the warp by killing him in ignorance of his status
*** May not claim that in wh40k, clearly being chosen by fate just means being Tzeentch's favored lackey that week and thus not all that special at all and that the only true higher plan for humanity is the God-Emperor's, being chosen by destiny? nothing but Tzeentchian heresy.

**** Accidentally killing the God Emperor of Mankind while time-travelled into the past deserves a better response than "oops".
***** I may not attempt to replace the Emperor in a vain attempt to fix the time stream after killing him by accident in the past.

[Anonymouswizard]

* While not banned by the rules, I deserve everything I get when I make my shadowrunner an 'internet troll'.

[danielxcutter]

Wasn't the God-Emperor of Mankind fairly OP back then as well?

[Rater202]

*My desire to be an immortal, invincible dragon sleeping in a pile of gold for centuries at a time shall forever be but a pipe dream

[danielxcutter]

*My desire to be an immortal, invincible dragon sleeping in a pile of gold for centuries at a time shall forever be but a pipe dream

I'm pretty sure there are more than a few systems where you can do that(aside from the immortal and invincible parts, but even then you can probably get close).

[Telok]

* Plan vetoed: Hover invisible in the sky over town shooting down lightning bolts with a mile wide illusion of buttocks centered on self.

** Plan vetoed: Use mirage arcana to turn maximum area into giant bowl of loose wasabi powder under the entire combat.

*** May no longer whip up quickie web page with random to-hit & damage generator that auto-rolls every 30 seconds and wave at the tablet saying "Autoattack neatest enemy" while reading a book during combat.

**** Autoattack webpage may no longer be more effective than half the other characters because the system nerfed or penalizes everything but simple damage attacking in combat.

[danielxcutter]

* Plan vetoed: Hover invisible in the sky over town shooting down lightning bolts with a mile wide illusion of buttocks centered on self.

** Plan vetoed: Use mirage arcana to turn maximum area into giant bowl of loose wasabi powder under the entire combat.

*** May no longer whip up quickie web page with random to-hit & damage generator that auto-rolls every 30 seconds and wave at the tablet saying "Autoattack neatest enemy" while reading a book during combat.

**** Autoattack webpage may no longer be more effective than half the other characters because the system nerfed or penalizes everything but simple damage attacking in combat.

...5e, I presume?

[TeChameleon]

* If a PC's mother decides that she's going to join the party to hunt bandits, there is no point fighting it; that argument was lost before it even started.

** If said PC's mother is with the party, she probably shouldn't be the most capable interrogator in the group thanks to judicious use of the 'mom voice'.

[Rockphed]

* If a PC's mother decides that she's going to join the party to hunt bandits, there is no point fighting it; that argument was lost before it even started.

** If said PC's mother is with the party, she probably shouldn't be the most capable interrogator in the group thanks to judicious use of the 'mom voice'.

"Mom" is a full bab class with sense motive, bluff, intimidate, use magical device, forgery, all knowledge, profession, and craft skills, and heal. I fail to see how it wouldn't make a good adventurer.

[Rockphed]

Wasn't the God-Emperor of Mankind fairly OP back then as well?

At some point he was weak and defenseless. Or his mother was.

[noob]

**** Accidentally killing the God Emperor of Mankind while time-travelled into the past deserves a better response than "oops".
***** I may not attempt to replace the Emperor in a vain attempt to fix the time stream after killing him by accident in the past.
****** If without the emperor god of mankind humanity steamrolls all the rest of the universe, never have chaos god worshippers problems due to the old religions still being here and being way less repulsive (who wants to worship the horrible god that tells you to kill violently people? very few) and that the world is overall a good place for humans I may not say "this looks good I hope the time travelling inquisition order does not comes" because it will summon them definitively.

[danielxcutter]

****** If without the emperor god of mankind humanity steamrolls all the rest of the universe, never have chaos god worshippers problems due to the old religions still being here and being way less repulsive (who wants to worship the horrible god that tells you to kill violently people? very few) and that the world is overall a good place for humans I may not say "this looks good I hope the time travelling inquisition order does not comes" because it will summon them definitively.

*******If I or any of my characters reference Monty Python, I can't complain if the DM comes down on me like a ton of bricks.

[noob]

*******If I or any of my characters reference Monty Python, I can't complain if the DM comes down on me like a ton of bricks.

It was not a monty python reference: there is actual time inquisitors in the warhammer 40k universe and killing their god is probably the most sure way to make them go on the offensive.

[Anonymouswizard]

It was not a monty python reference: there is actual time inquisitors in the warhammer 40k universe and killing their god is probably the most sure way to make them go on the offensive.

Didn't that Ordo vanish like two millennia ago?

[Rockphed]

Didn't that Ordo vanish like two millennia ago?

What part of "Time Inquisitor" makes you think that they would let a little thing like that worry them.

[DigestPantheon]

Didn't that Ordo vanish like two millennia ago?

According to the fandom wiki they're back:


However, by the time of the early 42nd Millennium, the Ordo Chronos was known to be active once more, having either been reconstituted with a new membership or having returned from wherever it had gone.

[Tohron]

* Naming my sword Diplomacy does not mean that attack rolls made with it are diplomacy checks
** I definitely cannot increase my attack modifier with bonuses to diplomacy checks.

[Anonymouswizard]

What part of "Time Inquisitor" makes you think that they would let a little thing like that worry them.

The part where they're against messing with the timeline.

[Rater202]

*A Prince or Princess of the Queen of Brass must be a source of shameless fanservice and lewd jokes. They cannot be a serious discussion of the harm of needless shame, excessive modesty, or needlessly lying to yourself or others.

[danielxcutter]

*A Prince or Princess of the Queen of Brass must be a source of shameless fanservice and lewd jokes. They cannot be a serious discussion of the harm of needless shame, excessive modesty, or needlessly lying to yourself or others.

I'm not entirely sure where those are from.

[Rater202]

I'm not entirely sure where those are from.

Princess the Hopeful is a Fan-Made Chronicles of Darkness game... Basically, you're a MAgical Girl(or Magical Boy, Princess is the default term but anyone can be a Noble.)

Its themes are maintaining hope when it seems hopeless and bringing a Light to the Darkness.

It draws collectively not only on various Magical Girl series(Everything from Sally the Witch and Sailor Moon to Card Captors and Nonaha to Madoka and Sailor Nothing) but also various "girls Underground" stories(Peter Pan, Alice in Wonderland The Wizard of Oz, Coraline) and even a little bit of Spider-Man(Teen/young adult hero with relatable problems is a vis his mundane life that bleeds into his social life.)

Most Princesses swear to a Queen(of King), who is a Princess who has achieved peak Princesses, essentially, and created a new power based on their ideals and can share it with others: By default, Princesses use the 'element' of Light, which is both literal light and the concept of hope, but the queens have their own elements in addition and a Princess who is part of the "Nation" of a Queen has an easier time learning their Queen's element.

There are eight in the core book: Five Raidnt Queens called the Queens of Clubs, Diamonds, Hearts, Spades, and Swords. They respectively embody the ideals of naturism, intellect, duty, fun, and love and wield the classical elements and Three Twilight Queens who, many years ago, out of desperation comprised their own ideals and became their antithesis: Storms is an embodiment of pure hatred whose element is essentially pure destruction, Tears gave into despair and started using the Dark Arts to protect herself at the expense of everyone else, and Mirrors panicked at her responsibility and catches younger princesses and convinced them that they're the chosen one and whose power is essentially reflections and selfishness.

However, it is explicitly stated that there are other Queens besides these eight and there are several officially, or well, as official, as it gets in a Fangame, Kings, and Queens, made by fans of this fan line.

The Queen of Brass draws significantly on Kill La Kill, a pseudo-magical girl series best described as "Gurren Lagan but with clothes instead of robots and scissors instead of drills," which...

The outfits are skimpy and there's a lot of (non-explicit) nudity, but if you're watching it to be titillated you're gonna be disappointed.

It used the tendency to show skin as a metaphor for confidence, lack of shame or anxiety, and honesty.

Likewise, the Princesses of the Queen of Brass tend to emphasize being honest with yourself or others and not letting the judgment of others change who you are. They also have a tendency o have magical girl outfits that do not have more fabric than is necessary to completly cover their body(not counting armor or weapons) and a marked tendency to not be ashamed of showing skin(though, not impractically so--they don't run around naked or anything, and the Queen Proper is described as being either business casual or dressy casual.)

I'm sure you can understand how this requires a mature table to convey properly.

[danielxcutter]

Princess the Hopeful is a Fan-Made Chronicles of Darkness game... Basically, you're a MAgical Girl(or Magical Boy, Princess is the default term but anyone can be a Noble.)

Its themes are maintaining hope when it seems hopeless and bringing a Light to the Darkness.

It draws collectively not only on various Magical Girl series(Everything from Sally the Witch and Sailor Moon to Card Captors and Nonaha to Madoka and Sailor Nothing) but also various "girls Underground" stories(Peter Pan, Alice in Wonderland The Wizard of Oz, Coraline) and even a little bit of Spider-Man(Teen/young adult hero with relatable problems is a vis his mundane life that bleeds into his social life.)

Most Princesses swear to a Queen(of King), who is a Princess who has achieved peak Princesses, essentially, and created a new power based on their ideals and can share it with others: By default, Princesses use the 'element' of Light, which is both literal light and the concept of hope, but the queens have their own elements in addition and a Princess who is part of the "Nation" of a Queen has an easier time learning their Queen's element.

There are eight in the core book: Five Raidnt Queens called the Queens of Clubs, Diamonds, Hearts, Spades, and Swords. They respectively embody the ideals of naturism, intellect, duty, fun, and love and wield the classical elements and Three Twilight Queens who, many years ago, out of desperation comprised their own ideals and became their antithesis: Storms is an embodiment of pure hatred whose element is essentially pure destruction, Tears gave into despair and started using the Dark Arts to protect herself at the expense of everyone else, and Mirrors panicked at her responsibility and catches younger princesses and convinced them that they're the chosen one and whose power is essentially reflections and selfishness.

However, it is explicitly stated that there are other Queens besides these eight and there are several officially, or well, as official, as it gets in a Fangame, Kings, and Queens, made by fans of this fan line.

The Queen of Brass draws significantly on Kill La Kill, a pseudo-magical girl series best described as "Gurren Lagan but with clothes instead of robots and scissors instead of drills," which...

The outfits are skimpy and there's a lot of (non-explicit) nudity, but if you're watching it to be titillated you're gonna be disappointed.

It used the tendency to show skin as a metaphor for confidence, lack of shame or anxiety, and honesty.

Likewise, the Princesses of the Queen of Brass tend to emphasize being honest with yourself or others and not letting the judgment of others change who you are. They also have a tendency o have magical girl outfits that do not have more fabric than is necessary to completly cover their body(not counting armor or weapons) and a marked tendency to not be ashamed of showing skin(though, not impractically so--they don't run around naked or anything, and the Queen Proper is described as being either business casual or dressy casual.)

I'm sure you can understand how this requires a mature table to convey properly.

Oh yeah, Princess the Hopeful. I read a lot about that on TvTropes a while back. Was wondering if it had to do with that.

[noob]

*I may no longer flip the card table and yell "He fireballs you!"

*dragon-bud is not an acceptable use of a green dragons plant growth spell

*it doesn't matter how much I declare my halfling is totally not a Kender if I play them like one

*being pulled aside by the DM and told I'm now CE and need to betray the party is not a good excuse to actually do it
** especially when it results in a TPK

*** Being CE does not means I have to betray my party.
**** Not being CE does not means I have to betray the party too.

[BisectedBrioche]

* While it's fine to talk about your ideas for a new character while you're making death saving throws, this shouldn't sound like a threat.
** Even if nobody's moving to stabilise you.

[thorr-kan]

* Naming my sword Diplomacy does not mean that attack rolls made with it are diplomacy checks
** I definitely cannot increase my attack modifier with bonuses to diplomacy checks.
Of course not. It has to be a blunt object or an unarmed attack, such as checking with a hockey stick or a body check. Use a club or a monk, name it Diplomacy, and you should be good to go!

[Rater202]

*If we are not playing Scion, Exalted, Godbound, or Nobilis, then no matter how many battles I win I cannot be the God of War.

[Lord Raziere]

*If we are not playing Scion, Exalted, Godbound, or Nobilis, then no matter how many battles I win I cannot be the God of War.

(We really need to compare notes about all the rpgs and settings we know/have at some point)

** Same rule applies for becoming the Goddess of Love no matter how many people I sleep with consensually.
*** At once
**** cannot date the population of an entire city
***** or marry an entire nation
****** "Myself/The World" is not a valid pairing for shipping purposes.

[TeChameleon]

* When given the opportunity to become a god, the correct response is not "Meh."

** When so many of the party have achieved apotheosis that your airship is now a deity, you shouldn't somehow still be the most powerful party members while refusing any kind of divine rank.

*** Friggin' wizards, man...

[noob]

* When given the opportunity to become a god, the correct response is not "Meh."

** When so many of the party have achieved apotheosis that your airship is now a deity, you shouldn't somehow still be the most powerful party members while refusing any kind of divine rank.

*** Friggin' wizards, man...

It is their fault to not pick alter reality.
**** You may not outlive your immortal party members through not taking useless risks.

[Anonymouswizard]

* I'm no longer allowed to take 'lack of common sense'.
** Especially alongside Overconfidence.
*** Yes, a disadvantage that comes up is a disadvantage, but you don't get points for things you were going to do anyway.

[Lord Raziere]

* may not charge at a dragon with nothing but a sword and courage
** If after fighting me for a while the dragon begins flying away from me, may not yell "COME BACK HERE YOU COWARD!!" and immediately begin pursuing
*** Cannot show up at the dragon's sleeping place alone and go "Now fight fairly you big lizard! Give it everything you got!" while already being half-dead.
**** May not somehow win that fight anyways
***** May no longer fight dragons as if I'm playing Monster Hunter: Worlds.

[thorr-kan]

* may not charge at a dragon with nothing but a sword and courage
** If after fighting me for a while the dragon begins flying away from me, may not yell "COME BACK HERE YOU COWARD!!" and immediately begin pursuing
*** Cannot show up at the dragon's sleeping place alone and go "Now fight fairly you big lizard! Give it everything you got!" while already being half-dead.
**** May not somehow win that fight anyways
***** May no longer fight dragons as if I'm playing Monster Hunter: Worlds.
WHAT KIND OF DM THINKS THIS IS A BAD THING?!

Ahem.

Sorry about that.

That's *EPIC.* The table should be remembering this for decades.

[Lord Raziere]

WHAT KIND OF DM THINKS THIS IS A BAD THING?!

Ahem.

Sorry about that.

That's *EPIC.* The table should be remembering this for decades.

I made that one up actually......I don't think all of the things posted in the thread are true, I think some of these are just fun things we wish we could do....

[Anonymouswizard]

I made that one up actually......I don't think all of the things posted in the thread are true, I think some of these are just fun things we wish we could do....

I'll admit to that.

[Rater202]

I made that one up actually......I don't think all of the things posted in the thread are true, I think some of these are just fun things we wish we could do....
I'll admit to that.

For example, My bit on playing a Princess of Brass is becuase I'd like to play a Princess of Brass in a Princess the Hopeful game but there are obviously issues with it that means it requires a mature table.

*I can't play a shapeshifting alien chick who talks and acts like a 1930s gangster.

[thorr-kan]

I made that one up actually......I don't think all of the things posted in the thread are true, I think some of these are just fun things we wish we could do....
What? How could that BE? :smallcool: Fair enough.

It *was* funny.

[Lord Raziere]

What? How could that BE? :smallcool: Fair enough.

It *was* funny.

Look I'm just talking about MH Worlds is played: You go find a big beastie often dragon-like in nature thats causing trouble that can kill you in like two or three solid hits, and then you either prep-time batman it if your a pro or like everyone else you just go up to it and hit with your oversized weapon to challenge it to face you fair and square, human to beast against all logic and reason. Then you whack it with your weapon for eons until it decides its scarred of the small human and runs away, then against all logic and reason you pursue after it to repeat that again until it finally escapes back to its nest to try and sleep and recover, then you show up there going "sup bitch". then proceed to kill it in like, its third phase.

* may not do all the above while talking in a bad australian accent and going "croikey".

* I'll probably never get to play my succubus/half succubus dhampir/vampire succubus concept
** If I do, it'll probably be the day that Rater gets to play his Princess of Brass concept

[danielxcutter]

So, if things based on actual experience is allowed... :smalltongue:

*If I'm letting the players take flaws, I should remember what they do.

We're playing Red Hand of Doom in D&D 3.5e on the forums, and the DM forgot about some of the flaws the other guys took. So the Warblade with the Wild flaw got tagged by a Tanglefoot Bag and was too busy panicking for the last two rounds to actually fight while the Swordsage with the Murky-Eyed flaw got blinded.

*No, even if the party is going with a travelling circus theme, I can't keep referencing the "You are not a clown. You are the entire circus." meme.
**Or memes in general.

I, er. That's actually me, lol. I've been memeing about our fails and the party theme in general.

For example, I made this after I pointed out that the Swordsage had Murky-Eyed and the DM realized that after checking the character sheet.

https://i.imgflip.com/4swhqn.jpg

Disclaimer: Nobody's actually angry, I just thought the entire situation was hilarious.

[Rater202]

* may not do all the above while talking in a bad australian accent and going "croikey".
* I'll probably never get to play my succubus/half succubus dhampir/vampire succubus concept
** If I do, it'll probably be the day that Rater gets to play his Princess of Brass concept

I don't actually have a concept, I just like the idea of a muscular young woman who likes showing off her fit body in perfectly non-sexual was beating the crap out of monsters or big brutish jerks. It appeals to my sense of aesthetics.

It's the same reason I want to do a Red Sonia inspired Monk in a 5e game.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Shapeshifting does not eliminate the need for trousers.

* If my character is female trousers are insufficient.
** The solution to this is ever more extravagant legwear.
While not from an actual game, I've thrown a few characters passed GMs with different nudity taboos, the most common being women from societies without the barechestedness double standard. Stone GMs allow it, to others trousers/a skirt do not qualify as a full outfit. And yes, occasionally I've gone the other way and had people be stricter than the norm.

And one for a GM I had.

* Can't reveal that Anonymouswizard's character is trans before the game begins.
** Especially when we agreed to keep it secret from the other players (I wanted the shocking reveal when my family finally tracked me down).

[Rater202]

* Shapeshifting does not eliminate the need for trousers.

Boo!

If I can't do the Mystique or Venom thing and just make my body/symbiote look like clothes then what the hell is the point?

[Taevyr]

*I may not use the inside of a spare Bag of Holding as a workshop for constructing a magitek railgun 10 minutes at a time.

**Once completed, I cannot aim the railgun towards the opening flap of said bag, and link the firing mechanism with the opening of said bag flap.

***Obliterating the dragon BBEG without a fight by firing the portable railgun at it mid-flight, no matter how awesome, will make the DM sad for having his preparation time come to waste.

****No matter how awesome it is to succesfully one-shot a dragon with a portable railgun and a ****ton of falling damage, remember not to be standing directly underneath it when you do so, even if it is the best firing position.

[danielxcutter]

Probably a bit obvious, but:

*If I'm going to be using AoE effects, I should really check how wide the range actually is.

Used a tanglepatch item, forgot that it had a radius of 40 feet so I was in range as well. I had the Travel Domain though so I was fine and somehow everyone in range made their Reflex saves.

[Rockphed]

Probably a bit obvious, but:

*If I'm going to be using AoE effects, I should really check how wide the range actually is.

Used a tanglepatch item, forgot that it had a radius of 40 feet so I was in range as well. I had the Travel Domain though so I was fine and somehow everyone in range made their Reflex saves.

I seem to remember that in 2e the functional difference between a fireball at the end of a hallway and a lightning bolt at same was the type of damage. They both had the unfortunate tendency to fill space and start coming back at the sender.

[danielxcutter]

I seem to remember that in 2e the functional difference between a fireball at the end of a hallway and a lightning bolt at same was the type of damage. They both had the unfortunate tendency to fill space and start coming back at the sender.

In 3.5e? Mostly just fixed areas, though of course if you Fireball someone too close you’ll probably end up torching yourself, yes.

[Anonymouswizard]

I seem to remember that in 2e the functional difference between a fireball at the end of a hallway and a lightning bolt at same was the type of damage. They both had the unfortunate tendency to fill space and start coming back at the sender.

I kind of wish that was still a thing, if playing with a battle mat it shouldn't be too hard to adjudicate. Just get a bunch of dice and fill up the squares closest to the origin until you've run out of area.


I remember my first time using a third level spell in the Baldur's Gate games. My Lightning Bolt killed the monster, and then bounced off the wall, killed the Bhaalspawn who'd cast it, and caused an immediate game over. Good times, learnt to be more careful with Evocation magic that day.

[danielxcutter]

It sounds interesting that’s for sure, but I think I still prefer the fixed areas. But YMMV.

[Lord Torath]

It sounds interesting that’s for sure, but I think I still prefer the fixed areas. But YMMV.A fireball with a 20' radius has a volume of 33,510 cubic feet, or 33 to 34 10x10x10-foot cubes. :smallbiggrin:

[noob]

A fireball with a 20' radius has a volume of 33,510 cubic feet, or 33 to 34 10x10x10-foot cubes. :smallbiggrin:

fireball have nearly twice the aoe of lightning after including the fact that lightning boosts its aoe with line sheanighans so lightning have way less "bounce back" problems than fireball if using the "spread within room" rules.

[Telok]

fireball have nearly twice the aoe of lightning after including the fact that lightning boosts its aoe with line sheanighans so lightning have way less "bounce back" problems than fireball if using the "spread within room" rules.

That reminds me...

* Not allowed to pester a DM to let me use AD&D spells in later editions, even if a 3 segment casting tome turns into a 3 round cast. Apparently my ability to correctly eyeball 3D lightning bolt bounces and hit multiple rooms with fireballs is "op".

** AD&D haste is apparently "super mega op" even with the friendly fire save or die.

*** May not blame other players for the fact that their characters fortitude saves and strength checks are so much worse than their system shock and bend bars/open gates would have been 25 years ago.

[danielxcutter]

What does AD&D Haste do?

[Rater202]

Cannot form a superhero team that consists of lesbian space pirates who never actually engage in piracy and mostly just fly around beating up people who need to be beaten up.

[danielxcutter]

Cannot form a superhero team that consists of lesbian space pirates who never actually engage in piracy and mostly just fly around beating up people who need to be beaten up.

Isn't there something with that exact premise? :smallconfused:

[Telok]

What does AD&D Haste do?

AD&D haste is "the hasted people get an extra round all to themselves after the regular round". AD&D slow is "the slowed people only get to act every other round". There were a couple minor ribbon +1 or -2 in there too. At the end haste aged everyone a year, magical aging called for a system shock roll or you died. Sysyem shock was pretty generous, I think even a 10 con was 70% and a 14 was 88%, about on par with a 5e character trying to make a dc 8 save.

AD&D gave wizards very few spells, because they were "save or else my party wins this encounter" spells. You know, basic resource management type stuff. Haste was an emergency win button that you only wanted to hit the high con warriors with.

[Hellpyre]

What does AD&D Haste do?

Doubles movement and attacks per round, improves initiative score, and permanently ages recipients (much like with wish, that used to be the preferred means of both limiting spells and enforcing elves being generally better at magic).

EDIT: Whoops, I put down what 2nd edition AD&D did.

[danielxcutter]

AD&D haste is "the hasted people get an extra round all to themselves after the regular round". AD&D slow is "the slowed people only get to act every other round". There were a couple minor ribbon +1 or -2 in there too. At the end haste aged everyone a year, magical aging called for a system shock roll or you died. Sysyem shock was pretty generous, I think even a 10 con was 70% and a 14 was 88%, about on par with a 5e character trying to make a dc 8 save.

AD&D gave wizards very few spells, because they were "save or else my party wins this encounter" spells. You know, basic resource management type stuff. Haste was an emergency win button that you only wanted to hit the high con warriors with.

Wow, and I thought 3.0e Haste was broken. I mean, still too high-risk-high-reward for me, but that's still a huge payoff.

[Taevyr]

Cannot form a superhero team that consists of lesbian space pirates who never actually engage in piracy and mostly just fly around beating up people who need to be beaten up.

Lesbian space One Piece?

Sounds pretty fun.

[Lord Raziere]

Lesbian space One Piece?

Sounds pretty fun.

And now you ruined the concept by associating it with Worst Anime.

* May not proclaim hatred of One Piece till my dying breath while proclaiming all other anime better

[danielxcutter]

...Context?

[Lord Raziere]

...Context?

I unlike seemingly every single other anime nerd in the world hate One Piece, which is a lighthearted pirate show. that is the context.

[danielxcutter]

I unlike seemingly every single other anime nerd in the world hate One Piece, which is a lighthearted pirate show. that is the context.

...No, I mean why do you hate One Piece? Don't watch it, so don't know why.

[noob]

...No, I mean why do you hate One Piece? Don't watch it, so don't know why.

I heard about it and how infinitely cliche it was.
Imagine an action movie entirely made out of the most standard action movie cliches and with no character development at all for the main characters now transpose that to a manga.

[Bohandas]

I heard about it and how infinitely cliche it was.
Imagine an action movie entirely made out of the most standard action movie cliches and with no character development at all for the main characters now transpose that to a manga.

That dorsn't sound too bad. The fact that it's an anime is the only reason a lack of character development would be unusual.

In fact, you know what I'd really like to see? I'd like to see someone make an action movie that's just one big fight scene from beginning to end.

[TeChameleon]

That dorsn't sound too bad. The fact that it's an anime is the only reason a lack of character development would be unusual.

In fact, you know what I'd really like to see? I'd like to see someone make an action movie that's just one big fight scene from beginning to end.

You're not the only one. (https://xkcd.com/311/)

... and I'm pretty sure that there was something out there that had 'Lesbian Space Pirates' as part of the title.

[Lord Raziere]

...No, I mean why do you hate One Piece? Don't watch it, so don't know why.

Let me put it in a thread appropriate way:

The World:
* The GM may not build the world like a silly giant ocean circus while arbitrarily dividing it into four quadrants and an equatorial island chain that is basically a tournament
** The GM may not draw stupid weird art that only looks off putting or disturbing
*** Characters being incredibly dumb and silly is not giving them "personality".
**** The GM may not make an incredibly long campaign that drags out forever for no reason.
***** The GM supposedly has planned for everything. I have yet to see how amid all the stupid chaos.
****** The GM needs to have more character development than what is written in the characters backstories.
******* I don't care about the goat ship, let it burn

Luffy:
* May not submit a character concept that is basically "Dumb Mr. Fantastic if he wanted to rule all pirates"
** May not go on a random adventure on every island they go to unrelated to everything else that basically devolves into being eaten by some big animal
*** May not smile. Its creepy.
**** May not take Wis and Int as dump stats
***** May not play a Chaotic Neutral character
****** May not waste time on stupid shenanigans to show up at the 11th hour to actually be useful
******* May not get two entire arcs all to himself while all the other players are stuck doing unrelated things.

Zorro:
* May not take the "No Sense of Direction" Flaw. That gag is only funny for Ryoga Hibiki
** May not get lost just to find some place to sleep until the 11th hour
*** May not have a backstory that is basically "this girl was better at swordfighting than me, but who cares because she is now disabled and was defeatist about becoming best swordmaster and I wanted to defeat her to get it anyways, why bother finding a way to heal her so she can pursue her dream when a man can do it for her?".
**** Pirates are not honorable.

Nami:
* Yet Another Greedy Rogue. How Original!
** Yet Another Tsundere. How Original!

Sanji:
* Yet Another Nosebleeding Pervert. How Original!
** May not take the "Chauvinist" Flaw on top of that. Its not helping your case.

Chopper:
* May not submit "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Doctor" as a character concept in a pirate campaign
** May not learn their life philosophy from a freaking quack doctor
*** Just because the character looks like a child doesn't mean you can roleplay him like a whiny annoying one

Usopp:
* "Slingshot Pinocchio" will not be accepted as a character
** May not somehow be just as irritating as Luffy
*** His pathetic cowardly antics are not amusing. Stop.
**** May not take off the mask, his face sickens me
*****May not be overly attached to some stupid goat ship

Cyborg Soda Guy:
* "a cyborg mad inventor powered by soda" is not a valid character concept
** he should wear more than bloomers and an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt
*** losing his bloomers was not funny the first time. repeating the joke will not endear me to it any better
**** may not have a life philosophy that boils down to "an inventor just makes things whatever people use it for after, they are not responsible for at all".

Afro Skeleton Guy:
* Yet another Old Man Pervert. How Original!
** Yet Another Spoony Bard. How Original!
*** May not have the afro somehow stick around even after all the flesh and organs have decayed away
**** Singing nostalgically about how your lives are short and full of danger and thus you live it to the fullest only makes me want you all to die faster.
***** No one cares about the stupid whale. stop bringing it up.

Robin:
* The player needs to do more than passively listening to other people play the game
** the character needs to do more than just relax on beaches.
*** "Archeologist that knows/is searching for a terrible secret the world government wants to keep covered up about a certain period of history" is a fantastic character concept. Pity that nothing is done with it past like one arc.

Other Characters:
* May not name a character "Eustass Kidd"
** A hot amazon woman having a crush and making advances on the oblivious PC who is probably or even canonically asexual is funny maybe once. The next few million times? Not at all.

[Anonymouswizard]

I heard about it and how infinitely cliche it was.
Imagine an action movie entirely made out of the most standard action movie cliches and with no character development at all for the main characters now transpose that to a manga.

To be fair the series has character development. I skipped ahead about a hundred volumes and Luffy went from 'annoying dumbass' to 'very annoying dumbass'.

It has one kind of cool idea, Haki which is essentially aura magic, but it takes far too long to actually be a thing in the series. The artstyle is going to be a matter of preference, but everybody needs to put on weight, I also suppose it might be more tolerable if you got into it as a kid, read/watched an arc or two. and then dropped it, or watched/read it from the beginning when it started like thirty years ago.

Although I also have a hate of long running series in general.


Partially inspired by posts in another thread
* If the campaign has been running for six months I should decide on at least one of my character's sex or gender.

[Rater202]

Nitpick: The girl that was Zoro's rival getting sick and being unable to continue training as a swordsman was a dubsism from 4Kids--the localization company that ruined everything but Shaman King.

In the original Japanese she died in a pointless freak accident. I can't remember off the top of my head I think she fell down a flight of stairs?

[Taevyr]

I'll give you most of your complaints, since they're largely a matter of differing taste and just not being able to enjoy shonen tropes for what they are, but I feel like I have to raise this one:



***** The GM supposedly has planned for everything. I have yet to see how amid all the stupid chaos.


The way I see it, despite all the nonsense and shonen ridiculousness, Oda either actually did plan everything out from the start, or somehow manages to take the most minor loose plot threads that may not even have been plot threads to start with, and turn'em into key story beats. Seriously. One Piece continuity is amazing, both in its consistency and the utter lunacy that happens in it.

And I'd say the same for the worldbuilding: does it hold up to much logical consistency, as in "technology is consistent in its use and advancement"? Like any other shonen, no, not really. Does the afore-mentioned utter lunacy have far more sense to it than it has any right to once he gets to explaining things? Absolutely.

Those two factors are practically the only reasons I still read it (and the fact that its utterly ridiculous in its over-the-top ways and use of tropes, which brings me great enjoyment). It's a brilliant way to see how someone can build an utterly bat**** insane world and plot, and do so in a way that still feels consistent and makes actual sense if you're willing to follow the base premise. It'll never not be a shonen, but it's probably the best of those that don't break the mold like FMA did.



Additionally, to prevent derailing too much

*Making a Scion vigilante with the Darkness and Justice purviews gives the DM and fellow players full rights to make humorous batman comparisons and references.

**Even if I'm an edgy 18 year-old, failed to see the connection myself, and am somewhat annoyed by them doing so.

[Bohandas]

Doubles movement and attacks per round, improves initiative score, and permanently ages recipients (much like with wish, that used to be the preferred means of both limiting spells and enforcing elves being generally better at magic).

Now I can't stop thinking about that Sealab episode where they kept talking about progeria

[Rater202]

*I cannot be immune to bullets in a setting that has neither superpowers nor guns.

[PhoenixPhyre]

I'm no longer allowed to orchestrate campaign arcs just so that I can use the word "vampirate" in context and as a pun simultaneously.

[Telok]

* All "refluffing" must now be preapproved by the entire table before the session begins no matter how official and "it's written in the book" the refluffing is.

** No. Not even if I provide page references, web comic examples, and developer tweets.

*** No. Not even if it's in a dance fight.

**** I may no longer, under any circumstances, use the phrase "The monk twerks the mind flayer in the face for 22 damage." No exceptions.

[danielxcutter]

* All "refluffing" must now be preapproved by the entire table before the session begins no matter how official and "it's written in the book" the refluffing is.

** No. Not even if I provide page references, web comic examples, and developer tweets.

*** No. Not even if it's in a dance fight.

**** I may no longer, under any circumstances, use the phrase "The monk twerks the mind flayer in the face for 22 damage." No exceptions.

...Let me guess, the “monk unarmed strikes can use any part of the body” thing?

[TeChameleon]

* If my fighter encounters a cursed item that turns him female, the proper response is not threatening to track down whoever set it out and make them female 'the old-fashioned way'.

** If, furthermore, said cursed item is going to cause him/her to give birth to... armoured, magic-eating, rat-sized quadrupedal... things... in about two months, it probably deserves more consideration than 'find a pit trap to give birth into later'.

[vasilidor]

* If my fighter encounters a cursed item that turns him female, the proper response is not threatening to track down whoever set it out and make them female 'the old-fashioned way'.

.

no, no, you have it about right.

May not make a diviner who answers very riddle with fireball.

[dspeyer]

* If the demon lord demands a tribute of blood, I may not slip in some malaria
** Or AIDS
*** Or leukemia
**** Special genetically engineered leukemia that produces tetrodotoxin is right out.

[Asmotherion]

*If I'm a wizard, I should not buff myself to be a better fighter than the fighter, or summon 4 extra fighters.
*As a Hexblade Warlock or Tomelock with Booming Blade and Shillelagh, I should not buff myself with Armor of Agathys, and then proceed to engage in a 1v1 melee fight with the local warewolf that terorises the village, only to have him running away from me crying for mercy.
*I will no logner fireball a Hag and her hoard of zombies when she threatens my group, before she has her evil moment.
*I should not become Colosal and stomp on the BBEG of the game the first time I meet him, leaving him dead and then have my pal disintergrating his body, as he was supposed to beat us for dramatic tension.
*I shall not play an evil necromancer in a party full of goody-two-shoes. And, if I do, I should know better than having "if I raise them as undead we can be a happy party" as my character goal
*Murdering someone just because he has a collection of demon-worshiping stuff in his home or laughs maniacly anouncing that the evil of this land will kill us all is no excuse and does not stand in court. It's still murder-hobo behaviour, just with extra steps.

[BisectedBrioche]

* If the demon lord demands a tribute of blood, I may not slip in some malaria
** Or AIDS
*** Or leukemia
**** Special genetically engineered leukemia that produces tetrodotoxin is right out.

* Trying to sabotage the gnolls' blood pool by having the ranger poop in it will have consequences

(on the plus side, the homebrewed "black pooding" the DM sicked on us was a...unique encounter)

[Telwar]

* When the ferryman says that the charge for the river crossing is a pound of flesh, I am no longer allowed to cut off one of his limbs and tell him to keep the change.

(Actually, that's not true, the DM loved that!)

[danielxcutter]

* When the ferryman says that the charge for the river crossing is a pound of flesh, I am no longer allowed to cut off one of his limbs and tell him to keep the change.

(Actually, that's not true, the DM loved that!)

*w h e e z e*

Okay, that's hilarious.

[dspeyer]

* Being under a curse is only negative ECL if the curse affects you.
** Requesting a curse of "-6 to all perform(dance) checks" and then challenging enemies to dance-offs before fighting to the death with conventional weapons doesn't count.

(Unlike most of the entries I post, our GM actually did ban this one)

[Lord Raziere]

* The Chuunin Exams may not be replaced by a Shinobi Battle Royale with shrinking chakra walls as more of them are eliminated from the competition
**Not even if the they are being held in Kirigakure
*** Even if the Genin attending have the numbers for it and even if only one Genin ever becomes Chuunin anyways

[Rater202]

* The Chuunin Exams may not be replaced by a Shinobi Battle Royale with shrinking chakra walls as more of them are eliminated from the competition
**Not even if the they are being held in Kirigakure
*** Even if the Genin attending have the numbers for it and even if only one Genin ever becomes Chuunin anyways

***May not break out of the Ring, Drag the Mizukage back in, immediately throw them into the wall, declare myself the new Mizukage, and immediately seize all of the Village's resources and give them to my actual village.

[Telok]

* No more having an explicit, inclusive equipment lists.
** My characters are assumed to be wearing pants.
*** No having exclusive equipment lists. My spell component pouch is now an explicit, inclusive equipment sub-list.
**** Despite having no "cost" a 1/2 lb chunk of guano and sulfer is right out.
***** No more repurposing spell components into stink bombs & death traps.

[Rater202]

*Pokemon and Cyberpunk don't mix.
**Can't do a game about people who were combined with pokemon against their will by a corrupt megacorp that owns the league
***A party that consists of a cyborg whose grafts were created by retro engineering various steel type and "living object pokemon," a man whose limbs were replaced with modified symbiotic Beldoms that assimilate more and more of his biomass as they evolve and fuse with each other, a girl who got the detective Pikachu treatment with a ghastly, and three people forcibly mutated into human/pokemon hybrids—one an Evee, one a Slugma, and one a Magikarp—can not possibly work as a group.
****it's hard to take down a megacorp when half the party likes the mods they were given.
*****Can't just decide "screw society, I'm gonna live as a Pokemon out in the wilderness"
******Must not ignore that most people would think being part Pokemon is cool and that the PCs would probably be celebrities... and the Mgacorp's tech would make a fortune.
*******Cannot go on a long rant about how a human/Magikarp hybrid, combined properly, would be the ultimate amphibious super soldier even ignoring the potential for a human to harness the power of Gyarados.
********Cannot ignore the "only four moves at a time rule."
*********As always, PCs are expected to be wearing pants.

[Taevyr]

*Pokemon and Cyberpunk don't mix.
**Can't do a game about people who were combined with pokemon against their will by a corrupt megacorp that owns the league
***A party that consists of a cyborg whose grafts were created by retro engineering various steel type and "living object pokemon," a man whose limbs were replaced with modified symbiotic Beldoms that assimilate more and more of his biomass as they evolve and fuse with each other, a girl who got the detective Pikachu treatment with a ghastly, and three people forcibly mutated into human/pokemon hybrids—one an Evee, one a Slugma, and one a Magikarp—can not possibly work as a group.
****it's hard to take down a megacorp when half the party likes the mods they were given.
*****Can't just decide "screw society, I'm gonna live as a Pokemon out in the wilderness"
******Must not ignore that most people would think being part Pokemon is cool and that the PCs would probably be celebrities... and the Mgacorp's tech would make a fortune.
*******Cannot go on a long rant about how a human/Magikarp hybrid, combined properly, would be the ultimate amphibious super soldier even ignoring the potential for a human to harness the power of Gyarados.
********Cannot ignore the "only four moves at a time rule."
*********As always, PCs are expected to be wearing pants.

.....I'd like a full transcript of that session, sounds like quite an experience :smalltongue: And how do magikarp super soldiers work, killer splashes?

Also, the overall concept sounds like it might still work, taking into account that being (part) pokémon is generally seen as awesome so long as you can still talk and stuff.

[danielxcutter]

*May not intentionally exploit the flaws taken in the first fight of the campaign.
**May not accidentally exploit the flaws taken in the first fight of the campaign.

*May not let the party become a literal circus.
**May not make references to the Joshua Tree if they do.

This is literally our RHoD campaign except the first one, lol.

[Rater202]

.....I'd like a full transcript of that session, sounds like quite an experience :smalltongue: And how do magikarp super soldiers work, killer splashes?

Also, the overall concept sounds like it might still work, taking into account that being (part) pokémon is generally seen as awesome so long as you can still talk and stuff.1: It's a hypothetical situation.

2: Magikarp are probably the most successful species of pokemon, in a (Darwinian) evolutionary sense.

They are found as native wild pokemon in every region except Orre(which has no native pokemon and very few wild pokemon) and in every or almost every body of water in that region. Salt water, fresh water, clean water, water that is polluted all to hell. Magikarp might be useless in a fight, but they're noted to be exceptionally hardy.

They are noted to be able to use splash many times over the course of years to climb mountains(note: "splash" is "jump" in the original. That's why it's a normal type move) which implies that they can spend an extended period of time out of water. Between that and the pollution comment, it means that that it's likely that they need very little food, can eat almost anything, or both.

And they're almost always the most common spawn in lakes, rivers, ponds, and such with it being noted in the Pokedex that they reproduce like crazy.

And they don't have natural predators: There's a single mention of Magikarp ding when stranded on land and their corpses being scavenged but being as they are mostly scale and bone it's logical that most animals wouldn't bother unless they had a steel jaw and a lead stomach.

While Magikarp gets a few decent TMs... It's more about adding that heartiness to a humanoid body type that can, you know, be taught how to swim instead of relying on underdeveloped swim muscles. Perfect for amphibious assaults: No need for breathing apparatuses and who would be guarding a lake or river that's too polluted for anything but a "useless" pokemon to live in? Most would see it as a natural defense

[danielxcutter]

1: It's a hypothetical situation.

2: Magikarp are probably the most successful species of pokemon, in a (Darwinian) evolutionary sense.

They are found as native wild pokemon in every region except Orre(which has no native pokemon and very few wild pokemon) and in every or almost every body of water in that region. Salt water, fresh water, clean water, water that is polluted all to hell. Magikarp might be useless in a fight, but they're noted to be exceptionally hardy.

They are noted to be able to use splash many times over the course of years to climb mountains(note: "splash" is "jump" in the original. That's why it's a normal type move) which implies that they can spend an extended period of time out of water. Between that and the pollution comment, it means that that it's likely that they need very little food, can eat almost anything, or both.

And they're almost always the most common spawn in lakes, rivers, ponds, and such with it being noted in the Pokedex that they reproduce like crazy.

And they don't have natural predators: There's a single mention of Magikarp ding when stranded on land and their corpses being scavenged but being as they are mostly scale and bone it's logical that most animals wouldn't bother unless they had a steel jaw and a lead stomach.

While Magikarp gets a few decent TMs... It's more about adding that heartiness to a humanoid body type that can, you know, be taught how to swim instead of relying on underdeveloped swim muscles. Perfect for amphibious assaults: No need for breathing apparatuses and who would be guarding a lake or river that's too polluted for anything but a "useless" pokemon to live in? Most would see it as a natural defense

Also some occasionally evolve into a Gyarados presumably.

[Rater202]

Also some occasionally evolve into a Gyarados presumably.

Considering that wild Gyarados are compared to natural disasters and are known to occasionally wipe small cities off the map, an engineered hybrid would be less "super soldiers" and more "living WMDs"

[Lord Raziere]

Considering that wild Gyarados are compared to natural disasters and are known to occasionally wipe small cities off the map, an engineered hybrid would be less "super soldiers" and more "living WMDs"

I mean militarily speaking, knowing that Gyarados is the result of magikarp evolving, there is no reason NOT to go around grabbing up all the magikarp you can because they are so plentiful and seemingly useless and just putting them through a harsh training regimen to turn as many of them into gyarados trained to fight for the military. The military's starting position when it comes to anyone outside of it is to assume they're useless for combat until they've been put through the boot camp ringer anyways, and as long as you figure out the method that works to make them willingly evolve into a gyarados soldier loyal to your cause, they can just repeatedly catch whatever random magikarp they find as recruitment. so really, any pokemon navy worth its salt has at least one gyarados boot camp somewhere for that kind of thing.

[Rater202]

I mean militarily speaking, knowing that Gyarados is the result of magikarp evolving, there is no reason NOT to go around grabbing up all the magikarp you can because they are so plentiful and seemingly useless and just putting them through a harsh training regimen to turn as many of them into gyarados trained to fight for the military. The military's starting position when it comes to anyone outside of it is to assume they're useless for combat until they've been put through the boot camp ringer anyways, and as long as you figure out the method that works to make them willingly evolve into a gyarados soldier loyal to your cause, they can just repeatedly catch whatever random magikarp they find as recruitment. so really, any pokemon navy worth its salt has at least one gyarados boot camp somewhere for that kind of thing.

Most nations frown on other nations developing weapons capable of destroying an entire city at once.

Raising an army of Gyarados, a pokemon explicitly capable of just that, is just begging to get invaded by every other country on the planet.

[Lord Raziere]

Most nations frown on other nations developing weapons capable of destroying an entire city at once.

Raising an army of Gyarados, a pokemon explicitly capable of just that, is just begging to get invaded by every other country on the planet.

Whoa, get too real-world discussion there Rater, we're gonna have to take this to another medium if we're going to continue it at all. just letting you know.

[Rater202]

Whoa, get too real-world discussion there Rater, we're gonna have to take this to another medium if we're going to continue it at all. just letting you know.

I mean, we're doing it in the context of a hypothetical game...

But yeah, too much. Sorry.

*Halflings are not the result of crossbreeding between gnomes and dwarves.

[PhoenixPhyre]

*Halflings are not the result of crossbreeding between gnomes and dwarves.

Or the mutant offspring of goblins exposed to way too much magical radiation.

[Rater202]

Or the mutant offspring of goblins exposed to way too much magical radiation.
Halfling is not a corruption of "half-lin" referring to half goblins

[danielxcutter]

Halfling is not a corruption of "half-lin" referring to half goblins

Possibly irrelevant, but IIRC in Eberron the word "goblin" is a corruption of what they call themselves.

[Rater202]

*I may not play a deposed king from a foreign land hoping to raise funds to build an army and reclaim my throne unless the people who disposed of me are the bad guys in this narrative.
**I cannot make constant jokes about my bloody reign and the various War Crimes I'm guilty of.
***Nor can I be dead serious about it.
**** There is no conceivable ay that my alignment is Lawful Good.

[BisectedBrioche]

* A 5 way split is very frustrating for the DM to keep track of, no matter how funny your antics are.

[danielxcutter]

* A 5 way split is very frustrating for the DM to keep track of, no matter how funny your antics are.

Is this hypothetical or did this actually happen?

[Rater202]

* A 5 way split is very frustrating for the DM to keep track of, no matter how funny your antics are.

The gm does not appreciate our attempts to literally split him into five versions of himself.

[Lord Raziere]

* My High Elf Bard may not refer to herself as "A Conductor, unlike those foolish comedy acts going around playing lutes, singing ribald ballads and sleeping with everything with a pulse."
** Neither may she refer to Wood elves as "country folk who have forsaken the modern magical amenities to go live in trees as if they are squirrels or something."
*** Drow are not "cave-dwelling backstabbers whose society resembles a BDSM dungeon with bad diurnal eyesight".
**** Sea elves did not come about because some elves decided to go diving in the ocean one day and messed up the water-breathing spell and thus got stuck like that.
***** Shadar-kai is not elvish for "The Raven Queen's Official Fan Club"
****** May not proclaim Eladrin to be the only other elves worth my time while having fancy parties with them
******* May not proceed to be completely open-minded, accepting and non-judgmental about all non-elf races.
******** May not feel guilty about a high elf's privileged position in the world and refer to her issues as "Elf World Problems"

[Rater202]

Dwarves do more than dig holes all day.

[Rockphed]

May not feel guilty about a high elf's privileged position in the world and refer to her issues as "Elf World Problems"

I am fairly certain that #elfworldproblems is what your party members say when they mock you.

[Wizard_Lizard]

* My High Elf Bard may not refer to herself as "A Conductor, unlike those foolish comedy acts going around playing lutes, singing ribald ballads and sleeping with everything with a pulse."
** Neither may she refer to Wood elves as "country folk who have forsaken the modern magical amenities to go live in trees as if they are squirrels or something."
*** Drow are not "cave-dwelling backstabbers whose society resembles a BDSM dungeon with bad diurnal eyesight".
**** Sea elves did not come about because some elves decided to go diving in the ocean one day and messed up the water-breathing spell and thus got stuck like that.
***** Shadar-kai is not elvish for "The Raven Queen's Official Fan Club"
****** May not proclaim Eladrin to be the only other elves worth my time while having fancy parties with them
******* May not proceed to be completely open-minded, accepting and non-judgmental about all non-elf races.
******** May not feel guilty about a high elf's privileged position in the world and refer to her issues as "Elf World Problems"

"Orcs? Some of my best friends are orcs! And anyhow at least they aren't those darn tree hippies!"

[Lord Raziere]

* Elvish does not have different words for "friend" depending on the length of the friends lifespan with shorter lifespans being more accurately translated as some variation on "pet".
** Traditional elvish music may not entirely be sorrowful recounting of their long ago downfall, or sorrowful records of a shorter lived mortal person they knew once and how the elf dealt with their inevitable death afterwards.
*** Inventing "Ode to Joy" is not an elvish musical revolution capable of getting me exiled from elven lands for breaking tradition.

[Lvl 2 Expert]

I mean militarily speaking, knowing that Gyarados is the result of magikarp evolving, there is no reason NOT to go around grabbing up all the magikarp you can because they are so plentiful and seemingly useless and just putting them through a harsh training regimen to turn as many of them into gyarados trained to fight for the military. The military's starting position when it comes to anyone outside of it is to assume they're useless for combat until they've been put through the boot camp ringer anyways, and as long as you figure out the method that works to make them willingly evolve into a gyarados soldier loyal to your cause, they can just repeatedly catch whatever random magikarp they find as recruitment. so really, any pokemon navy worth its salt has at least one gyarados boot camp somewhere for that kind of thing.

Depending on how closely this world sticks to the game mechanics, all you need to raise an army of Gyarados is a high level Blissey or Audino who is willing to throw a fight (or has no useful moves), something heavy hitting, a Pokémon center and up to five Experience Shares. (Or one Experience All.)

With the right setup, you might just evolve 5 Magikarp in each fight.

[Spore]

I mean militarily speaking, knowing that Gyarados is the result of magikarp evolving, there is no reason NOT to go around grabbing up all the magikarp you can because they are so plentiful and seemingly useless and just putting them through a harsh training regimen to turn as many of them into gyarados trained to fight for the military. The military's starting position when it comes to anyone outside of it is to assume they're useless for combat until they've been put through the boot camp ringer anyways, and as long as you figure out the method that works to make them willingly evolve into a gyarados soldier loyal to your cause, they can just repeatedly catch whatever random magikarp they find as recruitment. so really, any pokemon navy worth its salt has at least one gyarados boot camp somewhere for that kind of thing.

Have you learned nothing from the Red Gyarados at Lake of Rage? There will be an enemy commander pokemon champion coming after your operation in no time flat.

[Lord Raziere]

Have you learned nothing from the Red Gyarados at Lake of Rage? There will be an enemy commander pokemon champion coming after your operation in no time flat.

Not what I'm talking about. That is artificial means, which is wholly unethical and wrong in Pokemon verse. However, simply training pokemon the usual way very very hard and being incredibly strict with them isn't considered unethical or wrong in Pokemon at all: see Paul, no one except Ash spoke out against his methods.

The Gyarados Boot Camp would consist of nothing but a bunch of exercises and training regimen designed to push Magikarp to their limit until they reach level 20 and evolve. if you use pokeballs to catch all these magikarp-which isn't hard, they're magikarp- and get special clearance to modify the pokemon storage system so that you can carry and command more than six pokeballs at a time, something a regions military would have the clearance, time, reason and resources to do, they could have a boot camp where they consistently produce gyarados without anyone having a problem with it as they would be using the approved method to catch them (pokeballs) the approved method to train them (pushing them real hard, exercise, battle each other and so on) and have the authority to do all this because they're the military and thus can take actions to make weapons to protect their nations at all cost.

Not that the League and military would be separate entities anyways, since if your going to institute the league as a form of pokemon trainer social control you might as well give them the power to determine who does and doesn't get to be the soldiers who fight for your country so you don't let in some stupid evil jerk who gets their jollies off commanding Electrode to blow up repeatedly to cause destruction for their pleasure. Not that it doesn't stop people who want to do that anyways by going out and catching those themselves, but at least they won't have military backing.

Its not as if pokemon world doesn't have institutions to take advantage of Growlithe to fight crime or use Chansey to heal people. you think those chansey choose to become medics? pfh, they're probably all bred for it, the growlithe all bred to be police dogs, chansey all bred and taught to heal since they were a happiny, get them all domesticated. heck, Gyarados Boot Camp probably optimizes magikarp breeding just like any competitive player. catching pokemon is for trainers, all the people in power probably have their pokemon custom made in advance with ditto breeding, legal or illegal. the only reason that pokemon canon doesn't portray any of that is because its a kids show and so doesn't accurately portray how people would use super-magical animals for their advantage for the sake of its message.

I mean you could argue that all the nations ONCE had Gyarados boot camps for some war that they decided to disarm and such when it ended, but why get rid of a logical way to inject more suffering or obstacles into a story for the protagonists to overcome that makes total sense?


But getting back to the POINT of this thread....

* may not derail a funny thread into a discussion about how a realistic/believable pokemon military would be like
** This is my guilt, my crime, my sorrow.

* May not make my female bugbear go to the beach episode in the most revealing swimsuit possible
** "She's like a goblin wookie, it won't be revealing much and she will be hot already with all her fur" is not a reason
*** May not make the obvious star wars reference about sand being course and getting everywhere despite her fur being good reason to complain about that.
**** the fact that she owns a three-tendriled tentacle whip as weapon does not make her a dominatrix.

[Laughing Dog]

*Any plan that involves the phrase "hide behind the tarrasque" is automatically vetoed.

*If most of the party are long-lived races, and mine is a short-lived character; it is perfectly acceptable for me to be annoyed when the plan for dealing with the BBEG is 'wait until he dies of old age.'
**…unless I'm the one who came up with said plan.

*I am to stop asking "And what does that have to do with the price of tea in Kara-Tur?"

[Anonymouswizard]

*Any plan that involves the phrase "hide behind the tarrasque" is automatically vetoed.

Of course, you want convert that's difficult to take down.

* The plan causes at least one player to scream it is our.
** This goes triple if it's the GM who screams.
*** A valid plan for defeating the world ending threat should not be 'become a bigger world ending threat and set up shop just behind the BBEG'.

[BisectedBrioche]

Is this hypothetical or did this actually happen?

Of course not, it was only 4!

My tiefling rogue and the warlock (best described as a himbo leonine who hasn't quite realised he's a warlock) stayed in a group and ran into a crazy cat lady. Everyone else was basically on a solo adventure until the other rogue and the ranger met up and tracked down the mook we were after.

[Spore]

* Cannot make a character revolve around the fact that he is genre-savvy as flip, predicting every minor and major story event.
** Being a bard and scratching on the fourth wall trying to get out like a cat that is unsure whether it wants in or out is also forbidden.
*** Creating an oracle/seer that does the same thing by pretending to look into "the veil between worlds" is similarly forbidden.
**** That's it, you are barred from playing anything above subhuman intelligence.

[Rater202]

I can't sing The Real Slim Shady in character with the lyrics changed to fit the situation that the party finds itself in more than once.

[Telok]

I'm no longer allowed to use a storm giant swashbuckler/swordsage to sing a lightly modified "I am a pirate king" from Pirates of Penzance at my players.

Edit: "I am a giant king" was just funny tho. Especially after the 100' acrobatic backflip entrance.

[Lvl 2 Expert]

I can't sing The Real Slim Shady in character with the lyrics changed to fit the situation that the party finds itself in more than once.

*I am still limited to one musical interlude per session.
**Except if I'm playing a bard I guess.

[PhoenixPhyre]

I'm no longer allowed to reason

1. The underdark is a very dangerous place and everything there is trying to kill you.
2. So is Australia.
3. Drow live in the underdark.
Therefore, drow, when they speak common, have thick Aussie accents.

[danielxcutter]

I'm no longer allowed to reason

1. The underdark is a very dangerous place and everything there is trying to kill you.
2. So is Australia.
3. Drow live in the underdark.
Therefore, drow, when they speak common, have thick Aussie accents.

Not to burst your bubble, but I think I've already seen a Tumblr post about this.

[PhoenixPhyre]

Not to burst your bubble, but I think I've already seen a Tumblr post about this.

Oh I'm sure. Like the Simpsons, Tumblr has done everything. But I'm not on Tumblr, so it was original to me.

[Rater202]

A wizard trapped in an anti-magic field should not be out damaging the fighter.

[danielxcutter]

A wizard trapped in an anti-magic field should not be out damaging the fighter.

I'm pretty sure there are ways to do that in 3.5e, though likelier than not those involve not being affected by the AMF in the first place somehow.

[BisectedBrioche]

I'm pretty sure there are ways to do that in 3.5e, though likelier than not those involve not being affected by the AMF in the first place somehow.

I think that the fact it's on this list already suggests that it happens.

[Rater202]

*I am not under any circumstances to seduce the queen.
**Especially in the presence of the king.

[Anonymouswizard]

I think that the fact it's on this list already suggests that it happens.

You'd be surprised.

* May not post things that have not actually happened.
** No, seriously, i need to put my phone down and pay attention.


*I am not under any circumstances to seduce the queen.
**Especially in the presence of the king.

Ah, I think I see the problem here.

*** I should not end the adventure married to both the monarch and royal consort.

[noob]

I'm pretty sure there are ways to do that in 3.5e, though likelier than not those involve not being affected by the AMF in the first place somehow.

The easiest way is the action waste fighter.
turn 1 "I drop prone and draw my very heavy crossbow"
turn 2 and 3:"I reload the very heavy crossbow two turns"
turn 4: "I think about firing but now an opponent is in melee range"
A fighter can literally deal no damage for as many turns as their convoluted fighting style wants them to.
While the wizard can possibly do turn 1 "I charge with my wooden non magical club and bash the opponent"
Turn 2: "full round attack" and so on and outdps the very heavy crossbow fighter(I forgot the real name but it is an exotic weapon that takes like forever to recharge) despite dealing on average 2 damage a turn.

[Bohandas]

I think that the fact it's on this list already suggests that it happens.

I think he meant that it involves using a trick to ignore the AMF, and there;s a couple of these. Probably the most legitimate one is the spell Invoke Magic, which can be cast in antimagic and dead magic areas and allows tou to ignore anti-/dead- magic effects for one round, but there's also cheesier ones, like building a little shelter out of metal and then casting shrink item on it and wearing it as a hat - if an AMF goes into play the tinfoil hat turns back into a tinfoil hut and now the caster is in a different room with a layer of metal between them and the AMF and that hedges the AMF out

[Rater202]

*I am not permitted to set fire to the moat during the siege.
**Especially since we're the ones laying siege and it just means we can't get our guys across.
***I have to explain how I intend to set the water on fire.

[danielxcutter]

I think he meant that it involves using a trick to ignore the AMF, and there;s a couple of these. Probably the most legitimate one is the spell Invoke Magic, which can be cast in antimagic and dead magic areas and allows tou to ignore anti-/dead- magic effects for one round, but there's also cheesier ones, like building a little shelter out of metal and then casting shrink item on it and wearing it as a hat - if an AMF goes into play the tinfoil hat turns back into a tinfoil hut and now the caster is in a different room with a layer of metal between them and the AMF and that hedges the AMF out

There's also Extraordinary Spell Aim, which allows you to exclude one creature from the effects. That's probably not quite what the developers intended but I'd say that's more "unexpected" than "rules-lawyering".

[Rater202]

The solution to all of life's problems is not "drown it in white-hot molten rock."

[danielxcutter]

The solution to all of life's problems is not "drown it in white-hot molten rock."

*Neither is acid.

[Rater202]

*There are a limited number of situations where reciting Twisted Sister lyrics is appropriate for a medieval bard.

[Lvl 2 Expert]

*Neither is acid.

**I don't care how many substances can be turned into solutions using acid, it does not work for problems.

[Rater202]

*Lightning, earthquakes, and blizzards also cannot be used to solve problems.

[Telok]

*Lightning, earthquakes, and blizzards also cannot be used to solve problems.

Unless said problem is an intact and populated city.

* I may no longer assume that my players will understand that having a giant gold spaceship makes them news and attracts media attention.
** I may no longer assume that the players will understand that there might be some reaction, from someone, somewhere, when the illithid embassy issues a "Thanks for the WMDs" press release to the Sigil Daily News with the PCs names on it.
*** I may not assume that the players noticed the illithed paid them with majority shares in an interstellar grocery store chain, chairs on the board of a space bulk goods trasport co-op, ownership of a mid-sized pharma company, and rulership over a hemisphere of an agriculture world.
**** I may not assume that the players even remember that their payment was referred to as "assets that just became superfluous" after five minutes have passed.

[Rockphed]

I'm no longer allowed to reason

1. The underdark is a very dangerous place and everything there is trying to kill you.
2. So is Australia.
3. Drow live in the underdark.
Therefore, drow, when they speak common, have thick Aussie accents.

There was a thread on these forums that devolved completely into Underdark Outback discussion. For the life of me I cannot remember which one.

[P. G. Macer]

*May not call the red-furred, green-eyed Tabaxi Firestar.

[Rater202]

*May not call the red-furred, green-eyed Tabaxi Firestar.

Of course, not: Firestar is a redheaded Homo s. superior with the power to start and control fires by generating and manipulating microwave radiation.

*May not deliberately confuse characters with the same name.

[Taevyr]

*There are a limited number of situations where reciting Twisted Sister lyrics is appropriate for a medieval bard.

Now I'm imagining a benefactor trying to pawn a cursed sword off to the heroes of the land as a "reward", and all of you immediately going "WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT"

*I can't describe a pit trap filled with acid as an "acid dropping"
**I can't muse that a base containing a sizable acid-filled trap should, linguistically, combine into a neutral solution

[Rater202]

I may not seduce every single rival we come across.

[Rockphed]

Now I'm imagining a benefactor trying to pawn a cursed sword off to the heroes of the land as a "reward", and all of you immediately going "WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT"

*I can't describe a pit trap filled with acid as an "acid dropping"
**I can't muse that a base containing a sizable acid-filled trap should, linguistically, combine into a neutral solution

But if we throw enough acid onto the enemy base it will be neutralized, right?

[Rater202]

*I can't build a device that focuses all of the heat, kinetic force, radiation, and fallout of a nuclear weapon detonation into a beam with a three-foot diameter if I plan to power it with anything bigger than a Davey crocket.
**there's no conceivable way that I could set up mass production of Tsar Bombas for the sake of having ammo for this gun.
***especially not the hypothetical hundred megaton version.
****Not even the stupidest of morons would believe me if I said that the Frack-Up-Everything-In-That-General-Direction-Inator was created for peaceful purposes.

[Taevyr]

But if we throw enough acid onto the enemy base it will be neutralized, right?

Honestly kind of sad I didn't think of that one.

And now I need to figure out some arguments in favour of base-neutral-acid as a 3rd alignment axis.

[Anonymouswizard]

* May not reverse engineer Waystones without permission.
** Especially not in a place where the rivers might be watching.
*** I should not be openly discussing my plans to crack the system and use it to ground Chaos with them.
**** When I overload the Waystone network and the world is overrun by gribbly daemon things I will get the blame.
***** Especially when the reason I successfully got the engineer's Waystone-powered flamethrower vetoed was 'gribbly demon things'.

The actual system I'm trying to design in-game isn't actually so grand, it's using Jade Wizardry to try to reverse engineer Wood Elf Waystones and come up with some quick-setup ones to reduce the magic level of a region to levels where daemons can't be summoned (and ideally can't maintain their forms, but I'm legitimately worried about overloading the network). The end goal is to make smaller Waystones that can be set up in a combat round as an anti-magic field, and delivered to greater daemons via cannonball. As it is we'll theoretically get the setup time down considerably by next session.

This all started when I decided my Jade Wizard was more of a scientist than a druid, and now I'm wondering if we can stop daemons from manifesting if we add enough Waystones to make the global network form the symbol of Malal, Chaos God of Atheism (and a few other things, such as opposition IIRC).

On that note:
* Cannot talk about Malal as though they're still an official part of the lore.

[danielxcutter]

* May not reverse engineer Waystones without permission.
** Especially not in a place where the rivers might be watching.
*** I should not be openly discussing my plans to crack the system and use it to ground Chaos with them.
**** When I overload the Waystone network and the world is overrun by gribbly daemon things I will get the blame.
***** Especially when the reason I successfully got the engineer's Waystone-powered flamethrower vetoed was 'gribbly demon things'.

The actual system I'm trying to design in-game isn't actually so grand, it's using Jade Wizardry to try to reverse engineer Wood Elf Waystones and come up with some quick-setup ones to reduce the magic level of a region to levels where daemons can't be summoned (and ideally can't maintain their forms, but I'm legitimately worried about overloading the network). The end goal is to make smaller Waystones that can be set up in a combat round as an anti-magic field, and delivered to greater daemons via cannonball. As it is we'll theoretically get the setup time down considerably by next session.

This all started when I decided my Jade Wizard was more of a scientist than a druid, and now I'm wondering if we can stop daemons from manifesting if we add enough Waystones to make the global network form the symbol of Malal, Chaos God of Atheism (and a few other things, such as opposition IIRC).

On that note:
* Cannot talk about Malal as though they're still an official part of the lore.

A relevant line from If the Emperor of Mankind Had A Text-to-Speech Device:


If there has been an existence as utterly unnecessary as the Dark Eldar's, it probably never existed to begin with.

[Rater202]

I Can't bend reality to retroactively make the Dark Eldar 100% necessary.

[Socksy]

* If playing an Assamite, must remember that the Daughter of Cacophony is allergic to the Quietus discipline.

[danielxcutter]

* If playing an Assamite, must remember that the Daughter of Cacophony is allergic to the Quietus discipline.

Uh... which game is this?

[Anonymouswizard]

Uh... which game is this?

Vampire the Masquerade. The Assamites are a Clan of vampires from the middle east, originally portrayed as assassins. This was eventually retconed to most kindred only thinking of the warrior caste, with the viziers being scholars and the sorcerers being wizards. Their signature discipline Quietus focuses on making kindred vitae/blood into poison.

Although in the latest edition their official Clan name has become Banu Haqim (which was always what they called themselves), Quietus has been changed into a style of Blood Sorcery, and the sorcerers have been absorbedinto the viziers. Metaplot elements revived from before Revised got cancelled means that a significant portion of the Clan, including Elders, are now in the Camarilla, enough for the Cam to count them as a member Clan (although there's still more members in the Ashirra).

Daughters of Cacophany are vampires with magical siging powers. And might be unable to embrace men.

* Cabbt insist that it's actually pronounced 'Bru-zhah'.
** Even if the books agree with me.

[danielxcutter]

Vampire the Masquerade. The Assamites are a Clan of vampires from the middle east, originally portrayed as assassins. This was eventually retconed to most kindred only thinking of the warrior caste, with the viziers being scholars and the sorcerers being wizards. Their signature discipline Quietus focuses on making kindred vitae/blood into poison.

Although in the latest edition their official Clan name has become Banu Haqim (which was always what they called themselves), Quietus has been changed into a style of Blood Sorcery, and the sorcerers have been absorbedinto the viziers. Metaplot elements revived from before Revised got cancelled means that a significant portion of the Clan, including Elders, are now in the Camarilla, enough for the Cam to count them as a member Clan (although there's still more members in the Ashirra).

Daughters of Cacophany are vampires with magical siging powers. And might be unable to embrace men.

* Cabbt insist that it's actually pronounced 'Bru-zhah'.
** Even if the books agree with me.

I uh, I understood less than half of that I think.

[Rockphed]

I uh, I understood less than half of that I think.

They are magical vampire assassins who turn vampire blood into poisons and medicine. Daughters of Cacaphony are noisy vampires who hate men. Using the magical vampire blood poison around the singing feminist is bad.

[danielxcutter]

They are magical vampire assassins who turn vampire blood into poisons and medicine. Daughters of Cacaphony are noisy vampires who hate men. Using the magical vampire blood poison around the singing feminist is bad.

Okay, that makes a bit more sense. Was the "vampire blood poison around singing feminist" part a joke or are they really allergic to it?

[Rockphed]

Okay, that makes a bit more sense. Was the "vampire blood poison around singing feminist" part a joke or are they really allergic to it?

At this point I am as lost as you are.

*The "Incomprehensible" drawback is not cause to only speak French bad swedish clobberdeutsch at the table.
** I cannot add my "Gunslinger" bonus to cooking checks.
*** I cannot take drawbacks with the bonus feat provided by other drawbacks.
**** A negative bonus to cooking does not mean I heal things I try to cook. It means the food I prepare is poisonous.
***** The bard is not "dead weight anyway". Nor will he be in a better place after we eat him.

[Rater202]

*I cannot and must not under any circumstances interpret "cause a distraction" with "ride buck-naked through the town square on the back of a dire boar while singing Hotel California at the top of my lungs."
**Especially if I'm off-key.
***Especially if it was on purpose.

[Lord Raziere]

Okay, that makes a bit more sense. Was the "vampire blood poison around singing feminist" part a joke or are they really allergic to it?

The Daughters of Cacophony have a discipline based around singing which obviously doesn't pair well with a discipline based on being silent. they do have a clan weakness based on constantly hearing music no one else does but after examination its not really relevant. so technically no they don't have an allergy, but the two don't play well together.

* My True Brujah's name may not be "Dio Brando"
** Temporis doesn't give me the right to shout "ZA WARUDO!" every time I do something time related

[Rater202]

*"Ah, that's the next best thing to eating *other pc mentioned by name*" is not a phrase that should ever leave my mouth, mealtime or not.
**Especially if I've admitted to practicing cannibalism.

[Telok]

* I may not take a mispronunciation of "Hammurabi's code" and start working out an adventure titled "Hammer Rabbi's Code". A mashup of The Davinci Code, random MC Hammer songs, and an old book of Yiddish jokes.

** I may not advertise myself as a "A.L. introductory adventure DM" because most people won't ask what that means.

*** I may not use"A.L." in a D&D context when I mean "Awesome Lunatic".

**** And "introductory adventure" doesn't stand for "introduce you to my Paranoia-in-D&D-clothing adventure".

(But the "DM = delusional maniac" thing is still OK.)

[Rater202]

*Taking Friend Computer Down with me when I'm slatted for termination is either doing it wrong or doing it right, we can't tell which.

[danielxcutter]

*Taking Friend Computer Down with me when I'm slatted for termination is either doing it wrong or doing it right, we can't tell which.

From what I know about Paranoia, screwing over the game is the way you're supposed to play it I think.

[Rater202]

*I can't be the king and queen of a country.
*I can't be the kind of one country and the queen of another.

[danielxcutter]

*I can't be the king and queen of a country.
*I can't be the kind of one country and the queen of another.

Wasn't there an I. M. Weasel episode like that or something?

[Taevyr]

*I can't be the king and queen of a country.
*I can't be the kind of one country and the queen of another.

**I also cannot arrange a royal marriage with myself to create a personal union between said countries, no matter how strategically beneficial it may be.

[Rater202]

**I also cannot arrange a royal marriage with myself to create a personal union between said countries, no matter how strategically beneficial it may be.

***I can't take a noble from each country as a spouse to secure political alliances as pretext for having a harem.

[Lord Torath]

***I can't take a noble from each country as a spouse to secure political alliances as pretext for having a harem.****No, it doesn't help if that's how it works in the Tamul Empire. Domes of Fire by David Eddings

[TeChameleon]

* The correct response to the DM sending a 'have run out of miniatures, markers, and loose change' number of enemies after us is 'run away', not 'woot, target-rich environment!', especially when you don't have any AoE specialists and the enemies roll to self-resurrect on anything but death by radiant damage.

** As the fighter, gloating that I'm the only one who bothered to secure a reliable source of radiant damage in one of the many opportunities we had, is allowed, but kind of poor form.

[Anonymouswizard]

* There are character concepts that don't require maximised Fast Talk and Outright Lie.

[Rater202]

I need to verify if a religion has an "anti-christ" type figure before I include "convince people that I'm the religion's anti-christ figure" as part of a plan to rob a temple.

[Personification]

I need to verify if a religion has an "anti-christ" type figure before I include "convince people that I'm the religion's anti-christ figure" as part of a plan to rob a temple.

** Doubly so if instead I would be required to roll deception to convince them that I am NOT.

[Altheus]

Not allowed to have my cleric schism from his church and start his own. (NO! there are not holy vendors of paper, nails, parchment and ink)

[noob]

Not allowed to have my cleric schism from his church and start his own. (NO! there are not holy vendors of paper, nails, parchment and ink)

I wonder why you are not allowed to do that?
It is not exactly disruptive and can be an easily exploitable plot hook.

[Altheus]

I wonder why you are not allowed to do that?
It is not exactly disruptive and can be an easily exploitable plot hook.

Strictly speaking, not allowed to turn against idolatry and destroy the holy artifacts that the campign hinges on.

[Rater202]

*After accidentally overwriting an important NPC with a copy of my consciousness and turning them into an extension of myself, I can't decide to do it again.
**I am not the big bad.

[danielxcutter]

*After accidentally overwriting an important NPC with a copy of my consciousness and turning them into an extension of myself, I can't decide to do it again.
**I am not the big bad.

Is this D&D 3.5e or is there another system where you can do this?

[BisectedBrioche]

* You cannot play a Phantom and argue that learning a new proficiency is free, because ghosts don't need to pay rent.
** Cannot argue you should be charging the ghost rent for living in your head.


Is this D&D 3.5e or is there another system where you can do this?

IIRC there's 3.5e Psionic powers (Mind Seed?) that do that.

[Rater202]

*I can't make allusions to other people's D&D games and act like they're happening in other parts of the world.
**Even f it's implied that those games are a canonical part of the setting.

[Bohandas]

Is this D&D 3.5e or is there another system where you can do this?

You might be able to do it in Paranoia as well

[Rater202]

*I can't be a parasite hiding in the bodies of random NPCs slowly taking from them whatever it is of them I need to evolve myself and then sucking them dry for resources once I've gotten everything I need from them.
**Such an organism logically wouldn't have a "perfect form."

[PhoenixPhyre]

*I can't make allusions to other people's D&D games and act like they're happening in other parts of the world.
**Even f it's implied that those games are a canonical part of the setting.

I actually do this regularly, as my world features multiple groups whose actions affect other groups who are concurrently playing (same universe time) and old parties become NPCs after they're done.

My players love interacting with the results of others' actions and even their old characters.

[Rater202]

*I can't sing "Diggy Hole" every time I visit a dwarven mine.
**Especially if I'm not a dwarf.

[Drakeburn]

*I can't sing "Diggy Hole" every time I visit a dwarven mine.
**Especially if I'm not a dwarf.

*** Cannot sing "Heigh Ho" either.

[Telok]

* I may no longer use gnome marine biologist vampire space pirates more than once a campaign.

** Only one combat drug addicted, cyber-yeti bodyguard, dual weilding power fists at any time.

[danielxcutter]

...You mean once is fine?

[Telok]

...You mean once is fine?

Yeah, one just punched someone's leg off and laid out two brick characters before going down. Two was people running around, hiding, teleporting, shooting out lights, hacking doors, anything to stay out of melee. Although the PCs didn't have any bricks in the party then.

[danielxcutter]

...Bricks?

[noob]

...Bricks?

Tough and hard hitting characters.
Like superman for example.

[danielxcutter]

Tough and hard hitting characters.
Like superman for example.

Oh yeah, you mean beatsticks. Got it.

[BisectedBrioche]

I actually do this regularly, as my world features multiple groups whose actions affect other groups who are concurrently playing (same universe time) and old parties become NPCs after they're done.

My players love interacting with the results of others' actions and even their old characters.

Yeah, in the game I'm in at the moment, one of the major godlike figures is the DM's old character (who basically became that setting's version of Santa).

[Rater202]

*I am not immortal, I do not have inside me blood of kings.
**I am preemptively banned from basing any other characters of Queen songs.

[Rockphed]

*I am not immortal, I do not have inside me blood of kings.
**I am preemptively banned from basing any other characters of Queen songs.

*** Gilbert and Sulluvan songs are right out.

[Anonymouswizard]

*** Gilbert and Sulluvan songs are right out.

**** Cannot design the whole adventure just as an excuse to sing 'I've Got A Little List' at my players.

[Lord Raziere]

* May not turn a dungeon full of monsters and traps that I need to be cautious about going through on its head by simply shouting "HEY MONSTERS! WE'RE HEEEEEEREEE!!" and letting the echo carry
** May not figure that the traps set up work in reverse and thus make the monsters charge into their own traps and die trying to come to us
*** May not kill the entire dungeon through its own stupidity by raising the alarm
**** Alternatively may not assume the remaining monsters are all stupid enough to gather into one place to get destroyed by a singular fireball.
***** Even more alternatively, may not give the monsters an opportunity to get into better defensive positions when it turns out they aren't as stupid they look.

[Rater202]

Cannot trick the bad guy into singing the entire score of Pinafore.

* May not turn a dungeon full of monsters and traps that I need to be cautious about going through on its head by simply shouting "HEY MONSTERS! WE'RE HEEEEEEREEE!!" and letting the echo carry
** May not figure that the traps set up work in reverse and thus make the monsters charge into their own traps and die trying to come to us
*** May not kill the entire dungeon through its own stupidity by raising the alarm
**** Alternatively may not assume the remaining monsters are all stupid enough to gather into one place to get destroyed by a singular fireball.
***** Even more alternatively, may not give the monsters an opportunity to get into better defensive positions when it turns out they aren't as stupid they look.
******In general must assume that the monsters are stupid enough to be killed by their own traps: If they were, they'd have been killed by them leaving only the smart ones behind. Natural selection.

[Anonymouswizard]

* If my plan involves ritualistically sacrificing an elven archmage in geostationary orbit in order to create a second Vortex, I should double check if the setting's technology supports this.
** Any plan which relies on OoC knowledge in order to advance science by two centuries is vetoed

[Rater202]

*I cannot play a dragon for the sole sake of having an in-character reason to cheat the other PCs out of some of their share of gold.

[danielxcutter]

*I cannot play a dragon for the sole sake of having an in-character reason to cheat the other PCs out of some of their share of gold.

**Same goes for rogues.
***Can't be a dragon rogue OR a rogue dragon.

[Telok]

*I cannot play a dragon for the sole sake of having an in-character reason to cheat the other PCs out of some of their share of gold.

Yeah, um... I'm not allowed to be the party treasurer if I'm playing a dwarf. Even though I did pay back all the zero interest loans I secretly gave myself.

* Not allowed to use dwarven accounting to record the party loot & funds.

[Rater202]

I can't literally be a parasite feeding on the other PCs.

[noob]

Yeah, um... I'm not allowed to be the party treasurer if I'm playing a dwarf. Even though I did pay back all the zero interest loans I secretly gave myself.

* Not allowed to use dwarven accounting to record the party loot & funds.

dwarven accounting is when you sit in a corner of the fortress in front of a table then suddenly become aware of everything there is in the fortress then the longer you sit in front of the table the more accurate your evaluation of the amounts of each thing is?

[Anonymouswizard]

* Ranks in Blacksmithing are not useful when making cheese.
** Even for dwarves.


* Even if the rules explicitly say robot characters have no luck I cannot liberally apply Sod's Law.

[Telok]

dwarven accounting is when you sit in a corner of the fortress in front of a table then suddenly become aware of everything there is in the fortress then the longer you sit in front of the table the more accurate your evaluation of the amounts of each thing is?

In dwarven accounting the base unit is how much gold you have. It's a relative scale as opposed to an absolute one. It gets more fun at the advanced level where concepts like "not enough" and "i can take his" are actual numbers you can work with.

* May not answer "what's in the loot bag?" with "84 ne, about 50 hp, a dragon, and 5+1 trash". (Lots of "not enough", 12 healing potions, "i want a dragon to loot", and some +1 useless armor bits)

[Rater202]

*I cannot have a Klyntar Symbiote in any setting that doesn't have Klyntar Symbiotes.
**Even if I have detailed lists of how and why they'd gain what kind of powers bonded with the unique human variants or other life-forms of various settings.
***I can't go on detailed rants about how Force Sensitive symbiotes, ki using symbiotes, chakra using symbiotes, haki using symbiotes, symbiotes wit absorbed quirks, symbiotes with Saiyan DNA, symbiotes with Kryptonian DNA, Tamaranian-symbiotes, Jinchurki-Symbiotes, various Kekei Genkai possessing symbiotes, Aura using Symbiotes, and symbiotes combined with various types of Pokemon would be like.
****Symbiotes have no place in Middle Earth.
*****I can't use symbiote genetic adaption to become the Sage of Six Paths.
******Can't use Symbiotes to survive in the Capital Wasteland, the Mojave, or the Commonwealth.
*******I can't become a Dragonborn by having a piece of symbiote infect The Last Dragonborn and then come harvest it later when it's absorbed their DNA and knowledge and adapted to it all.
********Regardless of the setting, I can't use Symbiotes to cheat my way into mastery of magic.

[Kareeah_Indaga]

Not allowed to make a herd of Ryhorn combine, Voltron-style, to make a boss fight for April Fools Day.



*******I can't become a Dragonborn by having a piece of symbiote infect The Last Dragonborn and then come harvest it later when it's absorbed their DNA and knowledge and adapted to it all.

Naturally not, both you and the symbiote would already have your own souls, so all you’d get out of it is knowledge of whatever Shouts the Dragonborn knew at the time. A Dovah soul isn’t something you can just morph your own into; Varen tried, it ended poorly.

Now, since the Dovahsos is to all appearances inheritable the symbiote’s spawn might end up Dragonborn, since mommy symbiote would now have the bloodline for it. The whole, ‘granting sound-based powers while being weak to sound’ bit would still be an issue, but you were going to run into that anyway.

[Rater202]

Naturally not, both you and the symbiote would already have your own souls, so all you’d get out of it is knowledge of whatever Shouts the Dragonborn knew at the time. A Dovah soul isn’t something you can just morph your own into; Varen tried, it ended poorly.

Now, since the Dovahsos is to all appearances inheritable the symbiote’s spawn might end up Dragonborn, since mommy symbiote would now have the bloodline for it. The whole, ‘granting sound-based powers while being weak to sound’ bit would still be an issue, but you were going to run into that anyway.

Symbiotes are known to be able to absorb mystical, spiritual, and cosmic essences and energies. They're basically a piece of a Primordial Elder God's Shadow, and they exist for the sake of killing Gods and stealing their power.

Bonding to a Dragonborn well could allow an individual symbiote to gain the properties of a Dragonborn. The problem isn't that it can't be done, but that it's not permitted to try.

Also, 1: The symbiote's weaknesses to heat and sound is mostly psychosomatic: Those things can kill them and are among the only things that truly can, but the only reason they seem to hurt them more than anything else is that they have a genetic memory of All-Black being hammered into a sword.

It's explicitly stated, for example, that they don't mind loud noises or fires that they themselves made—Scream even has a "sonic knife" that use high-frequency vibrations and the sound waves they generate to enhance its cutting power.

2: With the exception of a summoning, the Thuum isn't really that loud. It's literally just as loud as a shout. Unrelenting Force isn't you shouting loud enough that the sound pushes someone back, it's you shouting "Force" and kinetic force come into existence. Wouldn't be a problem.

[Kareeah_Indaga]

Symbiotes are known to be able to absorb mystical, spiritual, and cosmic essences and energies. They're basically a piece of a Primordial Elder God's Shadow, and they exist for the sake of killing Gods and stealing their power.

Bonding to a Dragonborn well could allow an individual symbiote to gain the properties of a Dragonborn. The problem isn't that it can't be done, but that it's not permitted to try.

Being unstealable except by their own is kind of the whole shtick of the Dovah soul though, that’s why soul trap doesn’t work on them and being Dragonborn is a big deal in the first place. If it could have been done the snake vampires would have hunted down a clutch of the cute little goo monsters and babysat them for a few centuries, it would have been much simpler!



Also, 1: The symbiote's weaknesses to heat and sound is mostly psychosomatic: Those things can kill them and are among the only things that truly can, but the only reason they seem to hurt them more than anything else is that they have a genetic memory of All-Black being hammered into a sword.

It's explicitly stated, for example, that they don't mind loud noises or fires that they themselves made—Scream even has a "sonic knife" that use high-frequency vibrations and the sound waves they generate to enhance its cutting power.

Explicitly stated where, because the only time I recall Scream using a sonic knife was when her first host killed her siblings’ first hosts, I’ve been trying to track down that sort of thing.

The pain being all in their heads doesn’t help if it still hurts.



2: With the exception of a summoning, the Thuum isn't really that loud. It's literally just as loud as a shout. Unrelenting Force isn't you shouting loud enough that the sound pushes someone back, it's you shouting "Force" and kinetic force come into existence. Wouldn't be a problem.

Recall that you will also be on the receiving end, because the Dovah also Shout.

[Rater202]

Being unstealable except by their own is kind of the whole shtick of the Dovah soul though, that’s why soul trap doesn’t work on them and being Dragonborn is a big deal in the first place. If it could have been done the snake vampires would have hunted down a clutch of the cute little goo monsters and babysat them for a few centuries, it would have been much simpler!Yeah, but this isn't stealing a soul. It's bonding to it, analyzing it, and replicating its properties within yourself.

Though their "Divine Slaying" power seems to work by bypassing whatever the source of a god or godlike being's immortality is, and on at least two occasions a Symbiote has been known to have absorbed a soul outright... so if it came down to it, in theory, one could argue that a properly adapted Symbiote is already a Dragonborn.
BeingExplicitly stated where, because the only time I recall Scream using a sonic knife was when her first host killed her siblings’ first hosts, I’ve been trying to track down that sort of thing.

The pain being all in their heads doesn’t help if it still hurts.Off the top of my head, Superior Carnage has a sequences where Karl Malus, while bonded to Carnage, merged a flamethrower with the symbiotes while explicitly stating that the symbiote didn't seem to mind fire if it was the one starting them.


And this was before Carnage gained heat and sonic resistance from the Darkhold.
Recall that you will also be on the receiving end, because the Dovah also Shout.
And again, they're not that loud. Honestly back when I played Skyrim I couldn't even make out most shouts used by Dov over the sound of the fireball or ice storm.

[Laughing Dog]

*I am not allowed to layer multiple Disguise Selfs upon myself.
**Especially not if each layer look exactly like I normally do.
***That it made the guards say screw it and let my allies who were under Disguise Selfs to look like other people through the Magic-Disguise-Detection checkpoint without so much as a dispel upon them is not an excuse.

*Not allowed to play a Hylian with a grudge against dragons.

[P. G. Macer]

*May not phrase a double ententdre while talking to a tree via speak with plants.

*The ethereal staff of a Mordenkainen’s magnificent mansion do not appreciate my fire genasi’s desire to have all meats served beyond well-done.

EDIT: correcting autocorrect

[Anonymouswizard]

* Staffs do not have a full-auto setting

[danielxcutter]

There's an epic feat that lets you fire wands or staffs with your iteratives(though you'll be burning through charges fast if you do) in 3.5e, FWIW.

[Rater202]

*When given a single uncorrupted use of the Wish Spell(I explain the effect I want OOC and get it) at first level, I can't ask to have the spell Magic Missile augmented with the effects of the Chain Spell, Enlarge Spell, Fortify Spell, Heightened Spell(9th level,) Maximize Spell, Quicken Spell, Twin Spell, and Wounding Spell meta magic feats as a spell-like ability usable at will with a caster level equal to my hit-dice.
**I can't use this to qualify for Force Missle Mage.

[PhoenixPhyre]

I may no longer presciently make 4th-wall breaking references that actually fit the party better than I realized. <singing> We're off to see the wizard(ess)...</singing>

[Rater202]

*I can't make a monk/warlock gestalt and treat my warlock invocations and eldritch blasts as ki manipulation.
**I can't name myself "Goku."