PDA

View Full Version : Gamer Humor Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permission



Pages : [1] 2 3 4 5 6

Anonymouswizard
2018-11-14, 09:27 AM
This is now the twelfth episode of this illustrious thread series on exactly how best to make your DM cry. As usual, we are always willing to lend a kind ear to your frustrations on things that have been banned, vetoed or just plain killed off at your table. Previous threads are listed below:

1: [Any] Things I may no longer do while playing. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=175909)
2: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=207015)
3: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=228707)
4: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=257965)
5: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=293087)
6: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VI: This Isn't A Checklist We Swear! (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?335782)
7: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VII: No, Not Even Then (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?370856-Things-I-May-No-Longer-Do-While-Playing-VII-No-Not-Even-Then)
8: Things I May No Longer Do while Playing VIII: Why is the PLOT on fire? (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?414743-Things-I-May-No-Longer-Do-while-Playing-VIII-Why-is-the-PLOT-on-fire)
9: Things I May No Longer Do while Playing IX: GNO GNOMES! (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?440508-Things-I-May-No-Longer-Do-while-Playing-IX-GNO-GNOMES!)
10: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing X: Bard is not a valid choice (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?478028-Things-I-May-No-Longer-Do-While-Playing-X-Bard-is-not-a-valid-choice)
11: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?521656-Things-I-May-No-Longer-Do-While-Playing-XI-I-May-Not-Postpone-Naming-My-Thread)

Note: if you're going to use numbers, please keep the numbering in order. This means:
1) don't add sub-rules to previous numbers--people will think that number is the current one
2) look to make sure that the last post isn't a sub-rule to a previous number

Asterisks are highly recommended, though.

Rater202
2018-11-14, 10:04 AM
*May not decide who the big bad is and the exact reason that they kidnapped the protagonists until after the game started.

TheYell
2018-11-14, 10:22 AM
* I may not RP my elk companion as a mobster
** even if he kills on order
*** such tasks are not an "assignment"
**** my elk does not consider himself On The Job

Pauly
2018-11-14, 07:22 PM
* If my robot PC has a stealth mode it may not declare “coke vending machine wearing sunglasses” to be it’s stealth mode.
** if my robot PC becomes famous it may not negotiate with Pepsi for a better advertising deal.

Rater202
2018-11-14, 09:06 PM
*Spooky things happening in an abandoned campground by a lake does not automatically mean this is a horror movie.
**I can't start speculating my character is safe based on which slasher movie tropes she fits under.

Personification
2018-11-14, 09:54 PM
*Matte Painting is not a valid background choice in D&D 5E

Spore
2018-11-15, 04:14 AM
* I may play a bastard son of a diplomat and the now king, hinting at myself being the best choice for future king.
** Doing so in a game with everyone being kids to the king is okay if I premeditate wanting to be king.
*** I may however not have all signs point at me, then laugh and dump charisma and all charisma stats.
**** No, I may not substitute Charisma with Strength and Constitution for social interactions
***** Even though I wished it worked that way, social encounters are not decided by arm wrestling nor endurance competitions.
****** Punching the foreign emissary for being a "weakling" is right out.

LordCdrMilitant
2018-11-15, 10:55 AM
*Tungesten telephone poles are not a common commodity, nor are they listed under trade goods.
**You cannot just openly buy weapons of mass destruction on space amazon.
***You cannot just buy weapons of mass destruction, period.

TheYell
2018-11-15, 01:27 PM
***You cannot just buy weapons of mass destruction, period.

Well in fact, there are readily available materials at the local grocery store that can be converted into WMD quite easily. Hang on, knock on my doo

Guizonde
2018-11-15, 05:01 PM
*"just sit on the problem" should never be the first course of action.
**especially if the problem is currently a player.

*groin attacks are always permitted in game. groin attacks, however accidental, to players or the gm are not.

*no more throwing my pet rock.
**even if the victim insulted said pet rock based on its weight.
*** i am preemptively banned pre-gunpowder siege engines.
**** i am preemptively banned pet rocks as animal companions.

*if my character's weapon needs more damage dice than what i can hold in both hands, it's gonna get nerfed.
**same goes for damage rolls.

*no more conning players into eating "pickled green beans", even if they're too stupid to not know the difference between green beans and hot peppers.

*no, projectile vomiting is never a surprise attack.
**it will force a constitution check, however.
***you're playing a drug dealer, not a slaad!!

*the following classes are preemptively banned: irs agent, lawyer, tax collector, loan shark.
**they are however worth double xp.

*halfling war kazoos are supposed to be a joke, not a mid-game goal.
**same goes for orc didgeridoos.
***no hollowing out a greatclub for the double whammy, no matter my craft (instrument) skill.

*"thicker than a kardashian's rear-end" is not a valid insult for a dimwit in pathfinder.
**"faker than photoshop" can't be said in pathfinder, either.

*no, the game is not more boring than vanilla ice cream.

*no more making the dm snort tortilla chips in surprise.

*no matter how much i beg, "baby punting" is not an orkish federated sport.
** baby eating competitions are not a gnoll pay-per-view event.

*nothing should ever go "splat" from being punted. before the landing, anyways.
**cannot bring a punt gun (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Punt_gun) to a baby punting competition i organized.
***cannot start a baby punting league.
****even if they're elf babies.

Spore
2018-11-16, 06:36 AM
Well in fact, there are readily available materials at the local grocery store that can be converted into WMD quite easily. Hang on, knock on my doo

* Applying chemical knowledge to RP your alchemist is great flavor
** Bridging a few gaps in knowledge and processability with semi-magical hubbub is viable
*** You are NOT creating nonmagical alchemical weapons stronger than the ones in the PHB for a fraction of the price, rivalling Fireballs in damage!
**** You cannot mope if the engineer at the table can suddenly build functional gliding planes who are propelled by bound air elementals.
***** This is how magepunk happens. You ruined a perfectly good medieval setting. Are you happy?
****** NUCLEAR REACTORS MADE OUT OF FORCE WALLS?! ARE YOU INSANE?!?!?

PastorofMuppets
2018-11-16, 10:59 PM
*When the DM looks at you in horror, holds her head in her hands and/or stares at the ceiling silently saying why, your plan is not going to end well.

*We experienced players are to discourage the new folks from pursuing the path of the murder hobo. Pointing out that it just takes one good attack roll for the NPC’s gear to become party loot is frowned upon.

**Not allowed to just burn down a grassland because we can’t spot the incoming gnoll raiding party anymore.

***Operation: Needle in a Haystack easy mode should not be recommended by the party Druid

* being true neutral doesn’t mean I have to match bandit kills with the same number of innocent villager kills to keep the world balanced.

* while bardic music can aid skill checks there is no such thing as the bagpiper’s quiet song even if it does somehow aid a stealth attempt.

* showing the GM/DM/ST anything on the SCP wiki page is forbidden by the rest of the party

Anonymouswizard
2018-11-17, 07:24 AM
* My problem is supposed to be that the party are turning into supervillains, not that they aren't any good at it.
** It doesn't matter that they can't nick a mug from a museum without being caught.
*** Or that this group has never really got the hand of planning...

JAL_1138
2018-11-17, 08:46 AM
*If the party goes full HAM on the cultist hideout with molotovs, firearms, thrown pipe-bomb grenades, etc., in a metropolitan area, cannot be surprised if a SWAT team promptly arrives and kills us.

John Campbell
2018-11-17, 02:56 PM
* while bardic music can aid skill checks there is no such thing as the bagpiper’s quiet song even if it does somehow aid a stealth attempt.

Everyone's looking at (and, perforce, listening to) the guy torturing the plaid cat trapped under his arm, so they don't notice the rogue sneaking up behind them to shank them?

Guizonde
2018-11-17, 07:30 PM
Everyone's looking at (and, perforce, listening to) the guy torturing the plaid cat trapped under his arm, so they don't notice the rogue sneaking up behind them to shank them?

it's like reciting the litany of stealth. it works because it has to. the fact it pulls overtime doing it is of no concern to you.

source: the ecclesiarchy of the god-emperor of mankind.

Anonymouswizard
2018-11-17, 07:37 PM
it's like reciting the litany of stealth. it works because it has to. the fact it pulls overtime doing it is of no concern to you.

source: the ecclesiarchy of the god-emperor of mankind.

Wasn't the big joke that there was no Litany of Stealth, and it was just an unclear way of saying shut up.

Plus I remember some of the Litanies had to be said at discussing volumes, like the Litany of Silence when preparing an ambush. I think or was in Fortissimo and went:
With cat-like tread
Upon our prey we steal...

* Ecclesiarchal prayers and Litanies are not just Gilbert and Sullivan songs.
** They are not on my little list. I don't even have a little list.

JAL_1138
2018-11-17, 09:54 PM
*May not make a mind flayer bard just to reference the “octopus and bagpipe” joke.


A guy walks into a bar with an octopus under his arm. He sets the octopus on the counter and says “I’ll bet anyone here $100 that this octopus can play any instrument you put in front of it.” Somebody puts down a harmonica and a $100 bill. Octopus goes over to the harmonica, picks it up, looks it over, and plays a blues tune. Guy collects his hundred bucks, picks up the octopus, and leaves. Next day, guy goes back to the bar with the octopus, same thing, bets $100 the octopus can play anything. Somebody brings up a guitar. Octopus examines it, wraps a tentacle or six around the fretboard, plays a flamenco song. Guy collects his $100 and leaves with the octopus. This goes on for a week with all sorts of different instruments—fiddle, trombone, banjo, flute, and so on—until finally someone brings in a bagpipe.

The octopus goes over to the bagpipe, looks it over every which way with a puzzled expression, runs its tentacles across the pipes, and sits back scratching its head. The bar patron who made the bet asks “What’s the matter, can’t you play it?”

The octopus says “Play it? I’m trying to f%^& it, if I can figure out how to get it out of its pajamas!”

Rater202
2018-11-18, 11:04 AM
*I cannot print out the entirety of the Old Man Henderson Page on 1d4chan and all of it's attendant images for the sake of having a summoning catylist.
**Old Man Henderson is not Type Earth.
***There's already a Type Earth.
****Just because the Cthulhu Mythos exists in-universe that doesn't mean I can invoke Henderson.
*****Henderson is not a God.
******Worship of Henderson does not require you to smoke the Necronomicon.
*******Nor the (Un)Holy Books of any faith.

braveheart
2018-11-18, 12:26 PM
*I may no longer let the fighter get a free grapple against a monster because it rolled a 1
**i should not let the party roll to befriend the pteradon
*** friggin nat 20
****i should not let the bard use charm magic on the pteradon
*****I should not let them role to try to take the pteradon
******another nat 20... FINE YOU HAVE A PET PTERADON

JAL_1138
2018-11-18, 02:57 PM
*The eldritch tome that drives men mad is not the 300 page, ever-changing “Backstory of Doom” of Old Man Henderson.

Anonymouswizard
2018-11-18, 03:35 PM
*The eldritch tome that drives men mad is not the 300 page, ever-changing “Backstory of Doom” of Old Man Henderson.

** It is not the GM's attempt at a novel.
*** Even if I supply the players manuscripts.

Personification
2018-11-18, 03:36 PM
* while bardic music can aid skill checks there is no such thing as the bagpiper’s quiet song even if it does somehow aid a stealth attempt.


I believe that the song played to make this check (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/4%E2%80%B233%E2%80%B3)is actually playable on any instrument, including the bagpipe.

Rater202
2018-11-18, 04:32 PM
*The eldritch tome that drives men mad is not the 300 page, ever-changing “Backstory of Doom” of Old Man Henderson.

**I cannot smoke the Backstory of Doom to gain Henderson's power.

Spore
2018-11-19, 07:44 AM
I believe that the song played to make this check (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/4%E2%80%B233%E2%80%B3)is actually playable on any instrument, including the bagpipe.

That is a pretty good piece to explain Perception but not Stealth ;)

Anonymouswizard
2018-11-19, 11:48 AM
* There are pieces of advanced technology that do not double as explosives.
** It is not my duty to change that fact with endless Repair rolls.

Guizonde
2018-11-19, 12:55 PM
Wasn't the big joke that there was no Litany of Stealth, and it was just an unclear way of saying shut up.

Plus I remember some of the Litanies had to be said at discussing volumes, like the Litany of Silence when preparing an ambush. I think or was in Fortissimo and went:
With cat-like tread
Upon our prey we steal...

* Ecclesiarchal prayers and Litanies are not just Gilbert and Sullivan songs.
** They are not on my little list. I don't even have a little list.

arg. i got owned at my own game. first edition there was no litany of stealth for the joke, the second edition (which i own) does specify it is to be whispered and it boils down to "fail your spot check, please mister eldritch horror".

i don't know which i find funnier.

JAL_1138
2018-11-19, 10:01 PM
*I cannot “win” Call of Cthulhu by having my Investigator sell his house in Arkham, Massachusetts and move to Pismo Beach, California before the DM can drop the first plot hook.

Rater202
2018-11-20, 12:09 PM
I cannot undergo secondary mutation in the first adventure.

Spore
2018-11-20, 01:00 PM
I cannot undergo secondary mutation in the first adventure.

* I cannot start off the adventure with divination abilities and Knowledge and Instinct of 1.
** Having a high Body+unarmed score doesn't mean I read in the blood splatters I leave of my enemies.
*** You're not called the oracle and your catchphrase cannot be: "I'll see the future, I see your death."
**** No WWF wrestler intros for you!

JAL_1138
2018-11-20, 09:03 PM
*When an Eldritch Abomination takes over the Shadowfell, people are going to notice the Stranger Things ripoff.

Anonymouswizard
2018-11-21, 11:21 AM
* May not award XP for working out how little sense my technobabble makes.

* 'The love child of Dante Spada, Bayonetta, and Kratos' is not a valid character concept.
** No, not even in Mutants & Masterminds.

The Robot Goat
2018-11-21, 09:46 PM
* May no longer shove my entire tiny goblin fist into the cleric's mouth so he can't cast spells.

* Definitely can't attempt to bodyslam the same prone cleric through the weak floor of a decaying tavern. This did not end well for our fighter.

PastorofMuppets
2018-11-21, 10:47 PM
*when 4/5 party members have dark vision it’s not nice to the human to have the party hold a vote every time he asks for light.

**its also not nice to convince him he can just learn dark vision if he just tries really really hard to give up light

* not allowed to assume a prisoner in an empty dungeon is a trap, even if it was last time

** it wasn’t that kind of trap, it was an illusion spell and bluffing

*** detect traps is not a social skill

danielxcutter
2018-11-22, 02:08 AM
*Having a well-optimized character is fine. Wiping out most encounters in the first round is not.

**Wiping most of them out in the surprise round is obviously not better.

***Ending encounters before rolling initiative is flat out.

John Campbell
2018-11-22, 02:41 AM
* I am not allowed to abuse the exponential progression of Multiple Minions on the Summon power to just bury supervillains under 73 quintillion 15 PP ninjas.

noob
2018-11-22, 06:53 AM
* I am not allowed to abuse the exponential progression of Multiple Minions on the Summon power to just bury supervillains under 73 quintillion 15 PP ninjas.

**it is forbidden to make those ninjas use damage rank 15 attacks that have -500 to the attack roll and have the critical range increased to the maximum for abusing the hitting on critical rule and then have 14 points left for stealth, concealment and other stuff like that.

JAL_1138
2018-11-22, 09:30 AM
*May not use a trap which consists of a door that’s heavily-barred, boarded up, and nailed shut from the outside, with a large engraved brass sign saying “Do Not Open Under Any Circumstances—No, Not Even Then, I’m Serious, Do Not Open This F#%^ing Door You Suicidally-Inquisitive Fool,” with opening said door resulting in simultaneous castings of Hunger of Hadar, Evard’s Black Tentacles, Sleet Storm, and Weird centered on the doorway that last until the door is shut again.

danielxcutter
2018-11-22, 09:39 AM
*May not use a trap which consists of a door that’s heavily-barred, boarded up, and nailed shut from the outside, with a large engraved brass sign saying “Do Not Open Under Any Circumstances—No, Not Even Then, I’m Serious, Do Not Open This F#%^ing Door You Suicidally-Inquisitive Fool,” with opening said door resulting in simultaneous castings of Hunger of Hadar, Evard’s Black Tentacles, Sleet Storm, and Weird centered on the doorway that last until the door is shut again.

...That sounds oddly specific.

TheYell
2018-11-22, 10:09 AM
Yeah, don't do that again.

Next time do all that and then make it a secret door. So they feel clever finding the latch.

Anonymouswizard
2018-11-22, 11:17 AM
Yeah, don't do that again.

Next time do all that and then make it a secret door. So they feel clever finding the latch.

* May no longer make secret doors that can be found on a roll of a natural one.

JAL_1138
2018-11-22, 03:40 PM
*If I do use the above trap, the sign may not change to say “I Warned You” after the door is finally shut again.

Anonymouswizard
2018-11-22, 04:09 PM
*If I do use the above trap, the sign may not change to say “I Warned You” after the door is finally shut again.

** May not attack the sign under the assumption that it's a mimic.

John Campbell
2018-11-22, 06:05 PM
**it is forbidden to make those ninjas use damage rank 15 attacks that have -500 to the attack roll and have the critical range increased to the maximum for abusing the hitting on critical rule and then have 14 points left for stealth, concealment and other stuff like that.

Actually attacking isn't even a consideration; simply calling 73 quintillion ninjas into existence is a global catastrophe of apocalyptic proportions. If you assume they mass 75kg each, that's roughly a third the mass of Pluto.

I think this falls under my earlier "I am not allowed to apply physics to superpowers."

JAL_1138
2018-11-22, 06:38 PM
** May not attack the sign under the assumption that it's a mimic.

***May not actually make it a mimic, but an intelligent and non-agressive one, and have it respond by changing to read “Ouch! What’d you do that for?!”

Personification
2018-11-22, 10:57 PM
***May not actually make it a mimic, but an intelligent and non-agressive one, and have it respond by changing to read “Ouch! What’d you do that for?!”

****There are no pacifist introverted mimics
*****There are DEFINITELY no snarky introverted pacifist mimics

danielxcutter
2018-11-22, 11:15 PM
****There are no pacifist introverted mimics
*****There are DEFINITELY no snarky introverted pacifist mimics

Does this have anything to do with Mimic from Rusty and Co. or is this just a funny idea?

Personification
2018-11-23, 01:47 AM
Does this have anything to do with Mimic from Rusty and Co. or is this just a funny idea?

The latter

JAL_1138
2018-11-23, 12:33 PM
*Gazebo-shaped Mimics are bad form.
**So was that pun.

*Forbidden from making characters based around puns, such as the Franciscan from Paris—a French Friar.

danielxcutter
2018-11-23, 07:22 PM
*Gazebo-shaped Mimics are bad form.
**So was that pun.

*Forbidden from making characters based around puns, such as the Franciscan from Paris—a French Friar.

*takes two seconds to get it* Oh.

noob
2018-11-24, 01:25 PM
Actually attacking isn't even a consideration; simply calling 73 quintillion ninjas into existence is a global catastrophe of apocalyptic proportions. If you assume they mass 75kg each, that's roughly a third the mass of Pluto.

I think this falls under my earlier "I am not allowed to apply physics to superpowers."

Do not forget if the damage rank equivalent of the fall of your creatures would go over your pl cap then you are not allowed to take that skill since it goes over the pl.
I just assumed you used ninjas with the same weight as air.

Rater202
2018-11-27, 05:02 PM
*I may not abuse artificial aging and cloning magitek to spend a month to replicate a millennium of controlled breeding of trolls to create and invncible Super-Troll(Start with a War Troll, let it breath water and have 40ft swim speed without losing regen out of water, then apply the half troll ,half-ogre, and paragon templates to it, half-ogre refluffed.)
**I can not then deliberatly allow four mating pairs to be infected with the Dire-Bear strain of therianthropy and repeat the experiment until I have A Super-Troll that is also a Natural Fully Advanced Dire Horrid Magebred War Were Bear.
***I can't then infuse my perfect creation with the properties of undeath to create a Gheddon, then deck it out with magic items that make it immune to turning
***the GM wants to know how the hell I intend to surgically implant my phylactery into a creature that's for all intents and purposes immune to damage.

Lord Raziere
2018-11-27, 05:57 PM
*I may not abuse artificial aging and cloning magitek to spend a month to replicate a millennium of controlled breeding of trolls to create and invncible Super-Troll(Start with a War Troll, let it breath water and have 40ft swim speed without losing regen out of water, then apply the half troll ,half-ogre, and paragon templates to it, half-ogre refluffed.)
**I can not then deliberatly allow four mating pairs to be infected with the Dire-Bear strain of therianthropy and repeat the experiment until I have A Super-Troll that is also a Natural Fully Advanced Dire Horrid Magebred War Were Bear.
***I can't then infuse my perfect creation with the properties of undeath to create a Gheddon, then deck it out with magic items that make it immune to turning
***the GM wants to know how the hell I intend to surgically implant my phylactery into a creature that's for all intents and purposes immune to damage.

****may not figure out how to teleport phylactery into said creature

* May not become a wizard just to summon sexy ladies from other planes
** may not ask my own summons out on dates
*** my character's main goal in life cannot be to summon a succubus, win her love and teach her to be good
**** nor can it to be summon an angel and teach her how to have a good time, "if you know what I mean."
***** cannot gather planar harem that just so happens to help me adventure and fight stuff on the side.
****** no more planar harem summoner!

Personification
2018-11-27, 07:05 PM
****may not figure out how to teleport phylactery into said creature

* May not become a wizard just to summon sexy ladies from other planes
** may not ask my own summons out on dates
*** my character's main goal in life cannot be to summon a succubus, win her love and teach her to be good
**** nor can it to be summon an angel and teach her how to have a good time, "if you know what I mean."
***** cannot gather planar harem that just so happens to help me adventure and fight stuff on the side.
****** no more planar harem summoner!

Charlie, is that you?

danielxcutter
2018-11-27, 07:37 PM
*I may not use this (https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Kj3RDfhLMDZxBCAkJZ0uJpNH1FqjJya6rFTz4esmtdc/edit) in my campaign against non-epic players.

**Or these (https://docs.google.com/document/d/1DrxnQ7PryVMQ5xkanY79p7z6Ik8ltb2S417tW3tYML8/edit).


For the record, the campaign they were used in - not mine, I just read the campaign journals - not only had a multiple lives system similar to Dark Souls, but also had some of the most ridiculously optimized PCs I've ever seen. A Cleric with Divine Metamagic: Persistent, a Sorcerer/Pact Adept/Fatespinner with custom pacts, a Ranger/Deepwood Sniper/Fighter with his favored enemies being the major theme for the campaign, and not even one but two Frenzied Berserkers.

So yeah.

Misterwhisper
2018-11-27, 08:32 PM
I am it allowed to play a necromancer pirate anymore, I told the dm I had a “skeleton crew” for my ship and he complete misunderstood me.

Nobody is allowed to play a sun soul monk if they ever mention the words: power lever, final form, sayin, or if they refer to teleporting as instant transmission.

Playing a short tempered glass walker ragabash Métis who is addicted to Métis social justice and all his various media accounts. (Made as a joke because I have zero social media accounts, and care nothing about social justice)

In an immortal game highlander style, no, I can’t have a favored weapon of pepper spray and a taser.

In shadowrun I can not take odd pop culture knowledge.
3rd edition I had some points left at character creation, so I took 4 points in “20th century gaming knowledge, with a specialty in dnd.” The dm never really cared until we had a meeting in a boardroom with a guy who introduced himself as “Lord Strahd” to which I rolled like 8 dice and jumped up and yelled, “That guy is a freaking Vampire!” The dm got very angry...

Katrina
2018-11-28, 08:34 PM
* No longer allowed access to terrain altering magics, such as Anima's Path of Earth.
* Even though the GM put us in a city with an unnaturally deep chasm in front of it and a heavy bridge over it as the only way in, i am apparently not supposed to destroy the bridge to solve the problem.
* Or perhaps i was not supposed to destroy the bridge with the enemy's immortal god king was on it.
* Or maybe it was the way i let the allied army and the rest of my party engage the god king and realize they were fighting a losing battle before i got involved.
* Or maybe it was the holding up my hand after the retreat and asking if i could "do the thing now?"
* Mentioning that i only had that spell because he banned my first two Path choices is bad form.
* In retrospect, i may have stolen an NPC's moment of glory again...

TheYell
2018-11-29, 12:23 PM
Sounds like a time to play Slim Pickens riding the bomb down to Laputa!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3edi2Wkr5YI

Anonymouswizard
2018-11-29, 12:32 PM
* Page three of the module is not the correct time to create an illusion of a well endowed woman.

VelociRapture12
2018-11-29, 12:33 PM
*I may no longer use a sled to get down the really long set of stairs.
**If I do use a sled I can't use grease to move faster.
***No matter how many wooden stops you put in front of the sled you are still going to take damage.
****Especially if you sledded ~1000ft in 12 seconds.

Rater202
2018-11-29, 01:09 PM
*I any not get into an argument over what Omnipotence means beyond "is infinity powerful and can do anything."
**May not point out that the existence of multiple individuals who meat that description would indicate that being unique is thus not a prerequisite for being Omnipotent.
***May not point out that if being Infinity powerful is one of the prerequisites for omnipotence and that if multiple individuals meat the definition of omnipotence than the existence of greater or lesser degrees of infinity would thus mean that some Omnipotent beings are more powerful than others.
****May not point out that I'm far from the first person to use this logic, citing decades of Cosmic Level superhero stories.

JAL_1138
2018-11-29, 01:56 PM
*Unless we’re playing a Discworld campaign, I may not play a Cleric of Anoia, Goddess of Things that Get Stuck in Drawers.
**My Cleric of Anoia may not have a ladle-shaped mace.

Lord Raziere
2018-11-29, 02:15 PM
*I any not get into an argument over what Omnipotence means beyond "is infinity powerful and can do anything."
**May not point out that the existence of multiple individuals who meat that description would indicate that being unique is thus not a prerequisite for being Omnipotent.
***May not point out that if being Infinity powerful is one of the prerequisites for omnipotence and that if multiple individuals meat the definition of omnipotence than the existence of greater or lesser degrees of infinity would thus mean that some Omnipotent beings are more powerful than others.
****May not point out that I'm far from the first person to use this logic, citing decades of Cosmic Level superhero stories.

***** May not postulate that if supposedly omnipotent beings can be lesser or greater in power, then perhaps omnipotence itself is a relative concept with no actual objective existence.
****** Sufficiently advanced power is not indistinguishable from omnipotence
******* someone is not insufficiently powerful if distinguishable from omnipotence
******** any power, no matter how weak is not omnipotence to those who don't understand it.

TheYell
2018-11-29, 03:09 PM
* may not have a Samsaran whose Mystic Past Life was a gay headmaster sacrificed by faculty to stop an evil necromancer

noob
2018-11-30, 06:37 AM
*I any not get into an argument over what Omnipotence means beyond "is infinity powerful and can do anything."
**May not point out that the existence of multiple individuals who meat that description would indicate that being unique is thus not a prerequisite for being Omnipotent.
***May not point out that if being Infinity powerful is one of the prerequisites for omnipotence and that if multiple individuals meat the definition of omnipotence than the existence of greater or lesser degrees of infinity would thus mean that some Omnipotent beings are more powerful than others.
****May not point out that I'm far from the first person to use this logic, citing decades of Cosmic Level superhero stories.
*****May not point that due to the definition of omnipotence that if there is multiple omnipotent people they can not oppose each other because then it would mean one of them was not omnipotent in the first place thus meaning that most "omnipotent" people in superheroes stories are not omnipotent in their story.

Kyrell1978
2018-11-30, 09:20 AM
*I may no longer tell people that facts don't give a damn about their feelings.

JAL_1138
2018-11-30, 07:06 PM
*Any plan that begins with the phrase “When the smoke from the demolition charges clears enough for thermal-imaging goggles to see through” is vetoed.

*”Drawmij’s Instant Summons” has nothing to do with service of process.
**Lawyers do not register on the Paladin’s Detect Evil.

Pauly
2018-11-30, 08:57 PM
*I any not get into an argument over what Omnipotence means beyond "is infinity powerful and can do anything."
**May not point out that the existence of multiple individuals who meat that description would indicate that being unique is thus not a prerequisite for being Omnipotent.
***May not point out that if being Infinity powerful is one of the prerequisites for omnipotence and that if multiple individuals meat the definition of omnipotence than the existence of greater or lesser degrees of infinity would thus mean that some Omnipotent beings are more powerful than others.
****May not point out that I'm far from the first person to use this logic, citing decades of Cosmic Level superhero stories.

***** I may not complain when The GM may point out that in mathematics you can two sets of numbers who are both infinite yet set A is larger than set B even though both are infinite. For example: set A all natural whole numbers, set B all natural even numbers. Thus proving logically that A can be more powerful than B yet both can be omnipotent.

JAL_1138
2018-12-01, 04:04 AM
***** I may not complain when The GM may point out that in mathematics you can two sets of numbers who are both infinite yet set A is larger than set B even though both are infinite. For example: set A all natural whole numbers, set B all natural even numbers. Thus proving logically that A can be more powerful than B yet both can be omnipotent.

There aren’t degrees of omnipotence the way there are different sizes of infinities in math; that’s not how omnipotence is properly defined in theology/philosophy, and so attempting to apply that mathematical principle to it is mistaken.

I’m oversimplifying a bit, but the short version is: “omnipotent” is generally understood in most theology and philosophy to mean one of two things—either (A) the ability to do absolutely everything whatsoever that is not logically impossible (e.g., could not create a triangle with greater than 180° total in its interior angles, because the result would not be a triangle by definition); or (B) able to do absolutely everything whatsoever without regard to the constraints of logical possibility (e.g., could create a triangle with greater than 180° total interior angles and the result would still be a triangle, even though a triangle with interior angles adding up to more than 180° is definitionally impossible).

The debate is basically only over whether (B) is possible at all. If (B) were actually possible, (A) would not be a valid definition of “omnipotent” anymore.

Regardless of which definition, (A) or (B), applies, if there were two beings that exist, let’s call them X and Y, and Y was in any way more powerful than X, X would not be “omnipotent” by definition, because X would necessarily have some other limitation that Y does not, and thus X would not be able to do “absolutely every possible thing whatsoever.”

Anonymouswizard
2018-12-01, 06:32 AM
* May not use the wealth from the dungeon to hire accountants just to determine how destabalised I'm making the economy.

noob
2018-12-01, 06:58 AM
There aren’t degrees of omnipotence the way there are different sizes of infinities in math; that’s not how omnipotence is properly defined in theology/philosophy, and so attempting to apply that mathematical principle to it is mistaken.

I’m oversimplifying a bit, but the short version is: “omnipotent” is generally understood in most theology and philosophy to mean one of two things—either (A) the ability to do absolutely everything whatsoever that is not logically impossible (e.g., could not create a triangle with greater than 180° total in its interior angles, because the result would not be a triangle by definition); or (B) able to do absolutely everything whatsoever without regard to the constraints of logical possibility (e.g., could create a triangle with greater than 180° total interior angles and the result would still be a triangle, even though a triangle with interior angles adding up to more than 180° is definitionally impossible).

The debate is basically only over whether (B) is possible at all. If (B) were actually possible, (A) would not be a valid definition of “omnipotent” anymore.

Regardless of which definition, (A) or (B), applies, if there were two beings that exist, let’s call them X and Y, and Y was in any way more powerful than X, X would not be “omnipotent” by definition, because X would necessarily have some other limitation that Y does not, and thus X would not be able to do “absolutely every possible thing whatsoever.”
The reason why you can not have an omnipotent being wanting to defeat an omnipotent being and be unable to do so instantly is that it would mean the former was not omnipotent.
And if an Omnipotent being wanted to defeat a second omnipotent being and succeeded it would mean that the latter either was in agreement with being defeated(and so it was not a real defeat) or was not omnipotent since else the latter would have been able to know the other was going to try to defeat him and would have been able to prevent that.
So each time there is conflict between two omnipotent beings we can conclude at least one of them was not omnipotent.

JMS
2018-12-01, 07:29 AM
(A) the ability to do absolutely everything whatsoever that is not logically impossible (e.g., could not create a triangle with greater than 180° total in its interior angles, because the result would not be a triangle by definition); or (B) able to do absolutely everything whatsoever without regard to the constraints of logical possibility (e.g., could create a triangle with greater than 180° total interior angles and the result would still be a triangle, even though a triangle with interior angles adding up to more than 180° is definitionally impossible).

The debate is basically only over whether (B) is possible at all. If (B) were actually possible, (A) would not be a valid definition of “omnipotent” anymore.

Actually, B is possible, just not on a plane. We can do it with a sphere with ease (North Pole, 1 mile South, 1 mile West, 1 mile North is 270 degree triangle

JAL_1138
2018-12-01, 08:50 AM
The reason why you can not have an omnipotent being wanting to defeat an omnipotent being and be unable to do so instantly is that it would mean the former was not omnipotent.
And if an Omnipotent being wanted to defeat a second omnipotent being and succeeded it would mean that the latter either was in agreement with being defeated(and so it was not a real defeat) or was not omnipotent since else the latter would have been able to know the other was going to try to defeat him and would have been able to prevent that.
So each time there is conflict between two omnipotent beings we can conclude at least one of them was not omnipotent.

Slightly conflating omnipotent with omniscient, but otherwise spot on.



Actually, B is possible, just not on a plane. We can do it with a sphere with ease (North Pole, 1 mile South, 1 mile West, 1 mile North is 270 degree triangle

Consider my triangle examples to have the addendum “within a Cartesian coordinate system/Euclidean geometry” then. Or ignore the examples. The example is far, far less important than the definition.

Definition (A) is “limited only by logical possibility” and definition (B) is “not even limited to the logically-possible.”

noob
2018-12-01, 09:11 AM
Slightly conflating omnipotent with omniscient, but otherwise spot on.




Consider my triangle examples to have the addendum “within a Cartesian coordinate system/Euclidean geometry” then. Or ignore the examples. The example is far, far less important than the definition.

Definition (A) is “limited only by logical possibility” and definition (B) is “not even limited to the logically-possible.”

If you can do everything you want then you can remember any true information of any moment so you are omniscient.
Or you can give yourself omniscience immediately.

Spore
2018-12-01, 11:43 AM
*”Drawmij’s Instant Summons” has nothing to do with service of process.
**Lawyers do not register on the Paladin’s Detect Evil.

*** Not even evil ones.
**** ESPECIALLY not evil ones.

JAL_1138
2018-12-01, 02:09 PM
If you can do everything you want then you can remember any true information of any moment so you are omniscient.
Or you can give yourself omniscience immediately.

Maybe. That depends on several factors, such as your epistemology, the definition of omniscience, whether the future is predetermined and/or definitively knowable, potentially including whether free will exists and how it’s defined if it does, whether causality will continue to hold true, etc., etc., so on and so forth, and depending on the answers to such considerations, whether omnipotence is constrained by limits of logical/metaphysical possibility or isn’t, among various and sundry other issues.

Omnipotence and omniscience might even be mutually incompatible with each other, depending on your definitions—if you have perfect knowledge of what will happen in the future, can you act in a manner inconsistent with that knowledge? If you can, do you truly have omniscience (because your knowledge of what would happen was wrong, because you either acted in a way you didn’t predict, or were unable to predict what your choice would be even if you knew the outcomes of all possible choices except for which one you’d choose)? If you can’t, can you be considered omnipotent (because your actions are predetermined)? Short answer: depends on your definitions.



*** Not even evil ones.
**** ESPECIALLY not evil ones.

***** ”Evil lawyer” is not redundant.

Personification
2018-12-02, 12:56 AM
I would like to add this (http://www.irregularwebcomic.net/3413.html) to the omnipotence discussion.

noob
2018-12-02, 05:21 AM
Maybe. That depends on several factors, such as your epistemology, the definition of omniscience, whether the future is predetermined and/or definitively knowable, potentially including whether free will exists and how it’s defined if it does, whether causality will continue to hold true, etc., etc., so on and so forth, and depending on the answers to such considerations, whether omnipotence is constrained by limits of logical/metaphysical possibility or isn’t, among various and sundry other issues.

Omnipotence and omniscience might even be mutually incompatible with each other, depending on your definitions—if you have perfect knowledge of what will happen in the future, can you act in a manner inconsistent with that knowledge? If you can, do you truly have omniscience (because your knowledge of what would happen was wrong, because you either acted in a way you didn’t predict, or were unable to predict what your choice would be even if you knew the outcomes of all possible choices except for which one you’d choose)? If you can’t, can you be considered omnipotent (because your actions are predetermined)? Short answer: depends on your definitions.




***** ”Evil lawyer” is not redundant.
Free will is not about being unpredictable it is about making choices freely.
If it was impossible to predict which way rocks falls it would not make them have free will.
Would you say "that human do not have free will because I can predict his actions" and then say "Now that I gave this human a dice and mind controlled him in always following the result of this dice I can not predict the actions of that human (because I can not predict the results of that dice) and so he do have free will"

I mean saying free will is about not being predictable would mean that you would consider some humans are lacking free will during short moments because you can over short moments have quite accurate predictions of his behavior(Example: you gave that human a hat and he is in a culture where it is considered polite to not use the gift until you left and so you know this human is not going to wear the hat until you leave).

Free will is about having choices and not about being unpredictable.

Omniscience is about knowing everything.
So it includes knowing what would be the future if you do X or Y so being able to act does not makes you less omniscient.
It also include knowing every false thing and every true thing.(which basically means it is not very informative)
And of course if you are omnipotent you can remove omniscience from yourself: you would just stop being omnipotent because you would be unable to remember everything but omnipotence never says you have to stay omnipotent.

Future do not have to be predetermined for someone to know the future: ten year later there was only one future for ten years ago so no matter which way it was obtained there was only one future for ten years ago so if we take an infinity of people and give them each a different memory of the "future" in such a way that all combination of possibility is included then necessarily one of them have the future that will be the only true future ten years later.
Unless you go around and say there was multiple pasts but did you ever see someone seriously say "past is not predetermined in fact there is multiple potential different pasts none of them being more likely than the others" even through it is symmetrical it is much rarer to see people truly believing the latter than seeing people believing the former.

If you say free will is the ability to foil omniscience then there is no omniscience in the first place if someone have free will since omniscience is not "knowing everything unless something prevents you from knowing that thing" because else you can say every human is omniscient since with the latter you can say that "limited capacities of the brain" and "limited ability to obtain information" and "unreliability of the memory" are the things that prevents knowing stuff outside of what you know and that in fact you are omniscient with those three limitations.

Or maybe you meant "nothing ever had free will" which is something I can agree with if your definition of free will is about making choices that can not be predicted.

*Forbidden to think about phoenix wright and then turn a phoenix into a wight and send it in court to defend the accused.(and turn everyone into wights)

Debatra
2018-12-02, 05:32 AM
Interesting as this omnipotence thing has proven, it might be worth taking to its own thread by this point.

DeTess
2018-12-02, 06:14 AM
Interesting as this omnipotence thing has proven, it might be worth taking to its own thread by this point.

Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XIII: Don't bring up the Omnipotence Paradox

Guizonde
2018-12-02, 06:50 AM
*champagne mud-wrestling is not a commonly practiced sport anywhere.
**i should not be surprised when i draw a crowd when i do it.
***passing popcorn to curious and/or stunned onlookers is not proof that everyone is enjoying the spectacle.

*the dm giving up and giving me a climbing speed of 4x my walking speed should not be taken as him agreeing with my concept of subtle movement.
**it is depression, not acquiessing.
***i can't complain it's arriving too late as we're going to hell next session.

*no more getting paladins drunk for any reason.
**paladins are not low-key child molestation victims.
***no more making paladins cry they want their mommy. once was twice enough.

*i can't haggle my way out of sticky situations by blaming the bard everytime. sometimes, it's the paladin's fault too.
**sometimes, albeit rarely due to my bluff check dd's, it's my fault too.
*** my name is inquisitor josyiah rosépine, aka josé. i can't just tell npc's they'll get my name as soon as my team blames me for everything.

*the proper way to summon a god is to pray hard and be devout. not start a bum-fight in expensive booze and go "hey caydin, you've got to check this dumpster fire out!"
**even though it worked. sort of.
***accidentally summoning cayden caillean's daughter while trying to summon her brother will force san checks on everyone involved. goddess included.
****apparently, even goddesses need something medicinal to drink after my shenanigans.

*brofisting pc's who finally popped their cherry? never happened.

JMS
2018-12-02, 07:47 AM
*The proper response to Barovia and Curse of Strahd is not “Burn it down!”
**This goes double for the human villages.
***Fire is an acceptable tool when you attack a coven of CR 5 hags at third level.

Some real life ones from a game I just played in, that will have some very strange tactics. Our group’s only melee are the 3 Rogues, meaning that we can hold our own against melee well above our weight class, if we play smart, and start out in the open.

Pauly
2018-12-02, 09:17 AM
*The proper response to Barovia and Curse of Strahd is not “Burn it down!”n.

* The proper response is to shout “For Borodzo and Borovia!”
** Burning down the village occurs accidentally whilst playing “throw the old witch”.

Spore
2018-12-02, 09:27 AM
*the proper way to summon a god is to pray hard and be devout. not start a bum-fight in expensive booze and go "hey caydin, you've got to check this dumpster fire out!"
**even though it worked. sort of.
***accidentally summoning cayden caillean's daughter while trying to summon her brother will force san checks on everyone involved. goddess included.
****apparently, even goddesses need something medicinal to drink after my shenanigans.


* May not point out Cayden is such a bro name. It ruins the mystical mood.
** Not even when it is entirely fitting to the personality of said god.
*** Cayden's daughter might just be his son in drag, think about it.

I hope I didn't just ruin your joke.

JAL_1138
2018-12-02, 09:31 AM
*There is more to Bardic magic than Counterspell and Swift Quiver.
**Those aren’t even on the bard spell list!

danielxcutter
2018-12-02, 09:39 AM
* May not point out Cayden is such a bro name. It ruins the mystical mood.
** Not even when it is entirely fitting to the personality of said god.
*** Cayden's daughter might just be his son in drag, think about it.

I hope I didn't just ruin your joke.

Who's Cayden...?

JMS
2018-12-02, 12:58 PM
Who's Cayden...?

PF’s CG deity of freedom, revelry and drinking - So, Yes, god of frat boys.

Guizonde
2018-12-02, 03:35 PM
* May not point out Cayden is such a bro name. It ruins the mystical mood.
** Not even when it is entirely fitting to the personality of said god.
*** Cayden's daughter might just be his son in drag, think about it.

I hope I didn't just ruin your joke.

no you didn't ruin the joke, basically we're in a campaign where the gods are dying off. cayden caillean desperately created tais and caydin his daughter and son, and my merry band ended up worshipping both of them equally as cayden caillean finally died off.

and knowing cayden's son, yeah, he'd totally do that drag routine.

Telok
2018-12-03, 01:09 AM
* I may no longer have the chaos marine molasses smuggler call the cops when the PCs try to hijack his spelljammer while docked in Sigil.

* I must put the wolf-shaped werewolf in the pound when he bluffs the police. I am not allowed to sell him to a dog breeder who also happens to be the NPC for his Enemy and Hunted hinderances.

* The suave, sophisticated, greater warp daemon cannot team up with the rogue secondus modron (copy/fax) to cut a deal with the cops to sell the PCs for medical experimentation.

* The medical experimentation cannot include moving the PCs brains down into their chests to make room for fake brains so that the PCs can be infiltrated into the mind flayer stronghold as exotic snacks.

LegendOfMaple
2018-12-03, 04:34 AM
*I may no longer attempt to open a planar portal to 'Transsexual, Transylvania'
**I may no longer have my necromancer wear a corset and garter belts
***Said necromancer cannot make 'hot flesh golems'
****I may no longer reference 'rocky horror' in any way

*I may no longer nuke a town before even entering it
**Even if the dm gave us a nuke
***I also may no longer kill the main villain in disguise because I find him annoying
***Even if the gm has him turn his back and no one is watching

JAL_1138
2018-12-03, 04:09 PM
*Not allowed to use any name featured in the closing credits of Car Talk.

Rater202
2018-12-03, 10:24 PM
When asked how to cope with depression:
Get fifty feet of Horse-Hair rope, a handgun with no bullets, a goat, and a straight-razor that's honed and sharpened as close as it gets and has never cut human skin.
Then, while reciting the prayer to Yog-Sothoth penned on the eighth page of the fifth chapter of the Necronomicon, sacrifice the goat by tying it up with the rope in sucha way that the knot forms a pentagram at it's back and slitting its throat with the razor.
Baptize the hand-gun in the goat's blood while it's still warm, then sell it on Craigslist for five thousand dollars twice the combined cost of the rope, gun, razor, and goat--explain exactly what you did in the description.
Use the profits to buy yourself something nice to take your mind off your troubles.


Is not the answer they were looking for.

noob
2018-12-04, 06:08 AM
When asked how to cope with depression:
Get fifty feet of Horse-Hair rope, a handgun with no bullets, a goat, and a straight-razor that's honed and sharpened as close as it gets and has never cut human skin.
Then, while reciting the prayer to Yog-Sothoth penned on the eighth page of the fifth chapter of the Necronomicon, sacrifice the goat by tying it up with the rope in sucha way that the knot forms a pentagram at it's back and slitting its throat with the razor.
Baptize the hand-gun in the goat's blood while it's still warm, then sell it on Craigslist for five thousand dollars twice the combined cost of the rope, gun, razor, and goat--explain exactly what you did in the description.
Use the profits to buy yourself something nice to take your mind off your troubles.


Is not the answer they were looking for.

Is there is risks of slip up?
** May not say that elder mythos stuff are bright beacons of hope and proof entropy can be defeated.
*** If my gm says that entropy can not be defeated by elder mythos stuff I might not conclude summoning any elder ancient is entirely impossible because summoning on its own is able to defeat the increase in entropy(there is ways to gain energy from the displacement of mass due to summoning).
****If I kill insert elder ancient name by having 50000 people far away from each other who spam summon it until it have no energy left and die then it is excepted if I get stroke by lightning.

JAL_1138
2018-12-04, 09:51 AM
*There is no great sage “Errata-tosthenes” who has definitive proof that physical and metaphysical laws have changed over time.

iceman10058
2018-12-05, 02:38 AM
*Not allowed to use an illusion cantrip to terrify the town guards.

** Convincing them the town is about to be raided by drow any day now to build the paranoia is rude.

***Hiring local bandits and disguising them as drow to get them all killed for a laugh will force an alignment change.

**** Changing it to illithids and gluing a bunch of squids to people's heads will spawn rocks right over my head.

Lord Torath
2018-12-05, 08:36 AM
* Yes, with the Receptacle power, gems can hold PSPs equal to their value/100gp.
** Yes, you can probably get a higher price for diamonds that are naturally glowing blue.
*** Yes, that means they can hold more PSPs.
**** Using your high charisma and your Barter and Fast Talk skills to raise the price of the glowing blue diamonds does NOT increase the amount of PSPs they can hold.
***** Look, the glowing blue part was just to make them look cool, not to give you a huge PSP storage device!

JAL_1138
2018-12-05, 05:05 PM
*Asmodeus should not be the Big Good / Reasonable Authority Figure of the campaign.
**Even if it does make some degree of sense due to the BBEG having a plan to harness/steal a significant portion of the power and divinity of Tharizdun that might actually work (or might blow up in his face in one of several horrible ways, most of which would also prove troublesome to the multiverse or at least Oerth, the worst of which being to free Tharizdun from his prison entirely), and Asmodeus having a vested interest in that not happening.

Personification
2018-12-05, 09:54 PM
*Asmodeus should not be the Big Good / Reasonable Authority Figure of the campaign.
**Even if it does make some degree of sense due to the BBEG having a plan to harness/steal a significant portion of the power and divinity of Tharizdun that might actually work (or might blow up in his face in one of several horrible ways, most of which would also prove troublesome to the multiverse or at least Oerth, the worst of which being to free Tharizdun from his prison entirely), and Asmodeus having a vested interest in that not happening.
Actually, that sounds like a great campaign idea, and it also makes a good premise for a large number of tieflings and warlocks.

* Yes, with the Receptacle power, gems can hold PSPs equal to their value/100gp.
** Yes, you can probably get a higher price for diamonds that are naturally glowing blue.
*** Yes, that means they can hold more PSPs.
**** Using your high charisma and your Barter and Fast Talk skills to raise the price of the glowing blue diamonds does NOT increase the amount of PSPs they can hold.
***** Look, the glowing blue part was just to make them look cool, not to give you a huge PSP storage device!
Well it also probably helps that if they are dun, it is harder to prove that they are real. (https://coppermind.net/wiki/Spheres)

LegendOfMaple
2018-12-06, 12:14 AM
not me, but some of the dudes I dm

*They may no longer force the dm to rewrite the campaign by pushing the high priest of the demogorgon into his own hell pit
**They may no longer use wish to send the demogorgon to the far realm, once again forcing the dm to rewrite the campaign

*they may no longer kill each other for "acting like a bad guy"
**Even if said party member was plotting global domination
***they may not be surprised when the party member comes back as the new big bad

*They may no longer kill the old lady who runs the magic shop
**even if she has a magic ring
***even if the death is just a consequence of burning her shop to the ground
****They may no longer go to any magic shops run by old ladies

JMS
2018-12-07, 05:35 PM
*Metagaming includes outdoing the wizards fireball with homemade explosives.
**Trade goods should never be a part of your plans for destruction .
***YOU CAN DO WHAT WITH FLOUR?!?!

Look into the Mill City Museum. Have fun, use wisely.

*When kill cuthull is a middle step in your plan, something is wrong
**If genocide is part of the plan, your morals need a checkup
***The gods are horrible is not a legitimate excuse
****That stands even if the target of the genocide is The Forgotten Realms pantheon.
*****We are not playing Epic ever again!

JAL_1138
2018-12-07, 06:11 PM
*Any plan that begins with “First, we’ll need to steal an Abrams tank” is vetoed.

*Any plan that begins with “First, we make contact with Yog-Sothoth and ask it for more information” is vetoed.
**Even if it kinda worked for Randolph Carter, up until he failed to heed the warnings ol’ Yoggy gave to memorize all the appropriate sigils and rituals.
***My Investigator doesn’t know that.
****May not refer to Yog-Sothoth as “ol’ Yoggy.”

*Any plan that begins with “Well, I’ll need an accordion” is vetoed if I’m not playing a bard.
**It is doubly vetoed if I am playing a bard.
***Nobody in Faerûn knows the Lancrastian Morris Men’s Stick-And-Bucket Dance and there are no rules to adapt it as an effective combat form.

Guizonde
2018-12-08, 07:37 AM
*Any plan that begins with “First, we’ll need to steal an Abrams tank” is vetoed.

you too? bummer, right?



*Any plan that begins with “Well, I’ll need an accordion” is vetoed if I’m not playing a bard.
**It is doubly vetoed if I am playing a bard.
***Nobody in Faerûn knows the Lancrastian Morris Men’s Stick-And-Bucket Dance and there are no rules to adapt it as an effective combat form.

i'm still trying to get me a halfling war kazoo. don't feel too bad about the accordeon. i'm playing with a bard who uses bagpipes with a loaded mp3 player "for immersion".

danielxcutter
2018-12-08, 08:08 AM
i'm still trying to get me a halfling war kazoo. don't feel too bad about the accordeon. i'm playing with a bard who uses bagpipes with a loaded mp3 player "for immersion".

I think there are options to put bayonets on certain instruments in a 3.5e or 3.0e sourcebook somewhere...

Anonymouswizard
2018-12-08, 10:09 AM
I think there are options to put bayonets on certain instruments in a 3.5e or 3.0e sourcebook somewhere...

Complete Soundrel included hidden blades, one of which was the instrument blade.

As written it was meand for Lutes and the like, and I no longer have the book, but I believe RAW the actual instrument didn't matter. I believe the blade itself counted as a dagger, although it might have been a shortsword.

I actually quite liked the hidden blades, there were a nice selection and most of them used dagger stats, so a Rogue/Fighter could take Weapon Specialisation (Dagger), and have a bunch of places to hide a quickly deployed weapon. I kind of wish 5e would give rules for them, as it would definitely make me consider playing a Rogue (maybe Rogue/Bard).

Mandark
2018-12-08, 02:54 PM
Complete Soundrel included hidden blades, one of which was the instrument blade.

As written it was meand for Lutes and the like, and I no longer have the book, but I believe RAW the actual instrument didn't matter. I believe the blade itself counted as a dagger, although it might have been a shortsword.

I actually quite liked the hidden blades, there were a nice selection and most of them used dagger stats, so a Rogue/Fighter could take Weapon Specialisation (Dagger), and have a bunch of places to hide a quickly deployed weapon. I kind of wish 5e would give rules for them, as it would definitely make me consider playing a Rogue (maybe Rogue/Bard).

*A bard who was in a band and then left to play a completely different style of music is not a Rogue Bard.

Reltzik
2018-12-08, 04:15 PM
* No longer allowed to do really weird off-the-wall magic crap where the DM has no clue what it will do to the villains, campaign world, metaphysics of magic, or plot.
** The DUNGEON MASTER is no longer allowed to come up with percentile tables to figure out what happens.
*** He may not include a four percent chance of completely derailing his own campaign.
**** The dicebot is no longer allowed to roll below 5 on a d100.
***** When all of this happens, we are not allowed to respond with "didn't you learn your lesson from the table that we talked you into adding a 1% chance of "landshark" to?"

danielxcutter
2018-12-08, 06:26 PM
*A bard who was in a band and then left to play a completely different style of music is not a Rogue Bard.

**A bard may write a song insulting the second layer of the Nine Hells(if he can handle it), but if they call it a Dis track, it's vetoed.

JAL_1138
2018-12-09, 05:40 AM
*The written Tabaxi language is not lolcat-speak.
**A Tabaxi bard is not a lolcat, even if casting Tasha’s Hideous Laughter.

*Don’t even think about making the Doge of Venice a meme doge.
**So Venice, such republic, wow

danielxcutter
2018-12-09, 05:50 AM
*The written Tabaxi language is not lolcat-speak.
**A Tabaxi bard is not a lolcat, even if casting Tasha’s Hideous Laughter.

What's a Tabaxi?


*Don’t even think about making the Doge of Venice a meme doge.
**So Venice, such republic, wow

I require context for this too.

DeTess
2018-12-09, 06:31 AM
What's a Tabaxi?


Tabaxi are catfolk.



I require context for this too.

Historically, the title of the ruler of venice was 'Doge'. Doge is also the name of a particular kind of meme.

danielxcutter
2018-12-09, 06:41 AM
Tabaxi are catfolk.

Oh, I get it.


Historically, the title of the ruler of venice was 'Doge'. Doge is also the name of a particular kind of meme.

OMG.

braveheart
2018-12-09, 11:03 AM
you too? bummer, right?



i'm still trying to get me a halfling war kazoo. don't feel too bad about the accordeon. i'm playing with a bard who uses bagpipes with a loaded mp3 player "for immersion".

I actually got to play mine once "for immersion". it was more of a demonstration for why it would work as a deafen effect every time it is being played

Mandark
2018-12-09, 02:03 PM
I actually got to play mine once "for immersion". it was more of a demonstration for why it would work as a deafen effect every time it is being played

Playing a bagpipe is a minimum dc23, takes a Full round action during which a 5-foot step MUST be taken. Because it's harder to hit a moving target.

Wookieetank
2018-12-10, 10:30 AM
*The written Tabaxi language is not lolcat-speak.
**A Tabaxi bard is not a lolcat, even if casting Tasha’s Hideous Laughter.


***Not allowed to use LOLCODE (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LOLCODE) in any modern or cyberpunk setting when playing a hacker.

JAL_1138
2018-12-10, 12:14 PM
***Not allowed to use LOLCODE (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LOLCODE) in any modern or cyberpunk setting when playing a hacker.

*May not claim to be a “hacker” if my character can’t code, can’t crack passwords, and can’t hotwire anything.
**Really good deception and intimidation skills, some miniature surveillance bugs that can be surreptitiously attached to a computer to record everything someone does on it, a set of boltcutters, a crowbar, a combat knife, shaped-charge explosives, an assault rifle with an underbarrel shotgun attachment, and breaching-rounds for the underbarrel shotgun are not a substitute for computer and electronic engineering skills.
***Even if I can get a password or open a door quite effectively with some combination of the above.

Anonymouswizard
2018-12-10, 12:29 PM
*May not claim to be a “hacker” if my character can’t code, can’t crack passwords, and can’t hotwire anything.
**Really good deception and intimidation skills, some miniature surveillance bugs that can be surreptitiously attached to a computer to record everything someone does on it, a set of boltcutters, a crowbar, a combat knife, shaped-charge explosives, an assault rifle with an underbarrel shotgun attachment, and breaching-rounds for the underbarrel shotgun are not a substitute for computer and electronic engineering skills.

*** Neither is an axe.

JAL_1138
2018-12-21, 01:16 AM
*My GURPS character may not put all 100 starting points into the explosives skill and the wealth to purchase very large amounts of explosives.
**Especially if I’m playing a corporate cop.

noob
2018-12-21, 06:03 AM
*My GURPS character may not put all 100 starting points into the explosives skill and the wealth to purchase very large amounts of explosives.
**Especially if I’m playing a corporate cop.

***Exploding the country does not counts as defeating all the villains in it.
****intangible nets sent through the planets should not double as explosive delivery methods.

JAL_1138
2018-12-21, 01:06 PM
*Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged may not make appearances in Faerûn.

Anonymouswizard
2018-12-21, 01:46 PM
*My GURPS character may not put all 100 starting points into the explosives skill and the wealth to purchase very large amounts of explosives.

Of course not!

You need fifty points of Disadvantages to make sure you have the maximum amount of explosives. I recommend Impulsiveness (Self Control 6) and Pyromania (Self Control 6) as a good start.


* Friend Computer likes me. However they do not like like me, and suggesting they do is treason.

noob
2018-12-21, 04:03 PM
Of course not!

You need fifty points of Disadvantages to make sure you have the maximum amount of explosives. I recommend Impulsiveness (Self Control 6) and Pyromania (Self Control 6) as a good start.


* Friend Computer likes me. However they do not like like me, and suggesting they do is treason.

Impulsiveness is not necessarily a good idea for blowing up as many things as possible since patience and the ability to pile up more explosives before wanting to explode them can allows to make explosions with more explosives.
On the other hand if you were going to run out of explosives then that flaw is a good idea.

Personification
2018-12-21, 05:22 PM
*Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged may not make appearances in Faerûn.

Obviously, Wowbagger insults alphabetically if I remember correctly, and 99% of the population of Faerun has a name beginning with T, U, V, W, X, Y, or Z. He won't arrive their for another several million years.

JAL_1138
2018-12-22, 09:02 AM
Obviously, Wowbagger insults alphabetically if I remember correctly, and 99% of the population of Faerun has a name beginning with T, U, V, W, X, Y, or Z. He won't arrive their for another several million years.

He does insult alphabetically, but on an absolute basis, not an average basis. It doesn’t matter if most of the population has “T” et seq. names, he’ll still have to get the few who don’t in order. For instance he’d have to hit “Abdel Adrian the Bhaalspawn” long before he got to “Arthur Dent” on Earth.

Guizonde
2018-12-22, 09:54 AM
*no matter how much i beg, there's no ranger fighting style involving barnyard animals.
**i can't make a minion-master just to have infinite live blunt weapons.
***"pokemon trainers" do something besides throwing metal balls to the faces of the enemy and bludgeoning them with cute critters.
****forever banned summoning creatures above targeted enemies and letting gravity and bad tempers do the rest ever again.

Anonymouswizard
2018-12-22, 03:35 PM
He does insult alphabetically, but on an absolute basis, not an average basis. It doesn’t matter if most of the population has “T” et seq. names, he’ll still have to get the few who don’t in order. For instance he’d have to hit “Abdel Adrian the Bhaalspawn” long before he got to “Arthur Dent” on Earth.

Yeah, that's one of the things they annoyed me about And Another Thing. Right near the beginning he's abandoned the alphabetical order bit because of how every time he arrived at a planet they'd have everybody lined up in alphabetical order or something, which makes no sense (it doesn't matter if Arthur Gent it's behind Arthur Dent in the queue, he has to go and insult Arthur Denu on the planet Orion 6).

Also my original reading of the series convinced me that he didn't have access to time travel, and thus never got past the As as people were born too fast for him to catch up. I don't know if they was the intention, but I find it significantly more funny than him flitting across space and time doing it all in complete alphabetical order.

danielxcutter
2018-12-23, 05:36 AM
*no matter how much i beg, there's no ranger fighting style involving barnyard animals.
**i can't make a minion-master just to have infinite live blunt weapons.
***"pokemon trainers" do something besides throwing metal balls to the faces of the enemy and bludgeoning them with cute critters.
****forever banned summoning creatures above targeted enemies and letting gravity and bad tempers do the rest ever again.

Fun fact: D&D 3.5e characters with levels in the Hulking Hurler prestige class and possibly the Fling Ally or Fling Enemy feat can do exactly that kind of thing.

JMS
2018-12-23, 09:07 AM
*Not allowed to DM a lv. 30 Tristalt game in 3.PF
**Most certainly not with two games DMed
***You have played 3.5 a grand total of once!!
Sigh - real life.
*When looking at the laws of waterdeep, and the harsh punishments, the proper response is not “How many guards do they have?”

JAL_1138
2018-12-27, 01:28 PM
*Proposed starship names must be pronounceable by a) the GM, b) the rest of the party, and especially c) me (if even I can’t pronounce it, I can’t make it the ship name).
**Cannot name the ship “S.S. Depreciation Expense” or anything else to do with tax write-offs.
***Cannot name the ship “S.S. Steppenwolf” or “S.S. Magic Carpet” and rig our IFF transponder to just be constantly blasting the song on multiple frequencies.
****Cannot name the ship “The Ship” in order to create confusion for enemy ships trying to issue orders to target us.
*****Cannot name the ship “The Fahrvergnügen.”
******Cannot name the ship.

noob
2018-12-27, 02:38 PM
*Proposed starship names must be pronounceable by a) the GM, b) the rest of the party, and especially c) me (if even I can’t pronounce it, I can’t make it the ship name).
**Cannot name the ship “S.S. Depreciation Expense” or anything else to do with tax write-offs.
***Cannot name the ship “S.S. Steppenwolf” or “S.S. Magic Carpet” and rig our IFF transponder to just be constantly blasting the song on multiple frequencies.
****Cannot name the ship “The Ship” in order to create confusion for enemy ships trying to issue orders to target us.
*****Cannot name the ship “The Fahrvergnügen.”
******Cannot name the ship.
******* A ship can not be named drop tables //*\\...
******** I can not call a ship "ourselves"

Wookieetank
2018-12-27, 03:07 PM
******* A ship can not be named drop tables //*\\...
******** I can not call a ship "ourselves"

********* "She's one of ours" is also out.
********** "Nothing to see here" might be passable, depending on the setting.

Lord Torath
2018-12-27, 03:09 PM
*********** I cannot call our ship "To the Escape Pods"
************ "All Hands Abandon Ship" is also prohibited.
************* "Initiate Self-Destruct" is right out.

Guizonde
2018-12-27, 03:22 PM
Fun fact: D&D 3.5e characters with levels in the Hulking Hurler prestige class and possibly the Fling Ally or Fling Enemy feat can do exactly that kind of thing.

ah, but you see, that would mean it'd take personal effort and physical exertion! it's like dropping an anvil: funny if you do it, funnier if it falls out of the sky where you asked it to fall.

danielxcutter
2018-12-27, 08:08 PM
ah, but you see, that would mean it'd take personal effort and physical exertion! it's like dropping an anvil: funny if you do it, funnier if it falls out of the sky where you asked it to fall.

*wheezes* Fair.

JAL_1138
2018-12-27, 09:19 PM
**************Cannot name the ship “Belay that!”
***************Cannot name the ship “The Flagship.”
****************Cannot name the ship “Lower Our Shields!”
*****************Cannot name the ship “It Just Dropped Off Our Sensors!”
******************Cannot name the ship.

Anonymouswizard
2018-12-28, 03:52 AM
******************* 'Unnamed' counts as a name

DeTess
2018-12-28, 04:20 AM
*******************Cannot complain about the lack of gravitas in the ship names suggested so far.

Anonymouswizard
2018-12-28, 06:35 AM
******************** May not name the ship 'Gravitas'.

JAL_1138
2018-12-28, 07:06 AM
******************** May not name the ship 'Gravitas'.

*********************May not name the ship “Artificial Gravitas.”
**********************May not name the ship “Deactivate Our Artificial Gravity!”

Lord Raziere
2018-12-28, 10:53 AM
*******************Cannot complain about the lack of gravitas in the ship names suggested so far.

* Especially if its from a Culture novel or we're playing in a Culture game
** cannot name ship "Adventures In Zero Gravitas" or "Low Gravitas Planet"

Wookieetank
2018-12-28, 11:13 AM
* Especially if its from a Culture novel or we're playing in a Culture game
** cannot name ship "Adventures In Zero Gravitas" or "Low Gravitas Planet"

**"You wanted Gravitas, I'll show you Gravitas" is not a proper name for a fast picket ship.

DeTess
2018-12-28, 11:25 AM
**"You wanted Gravitas, I'll show you Gravitas" is not a proper name for a fast picket ship.

****"You wanted Gravitas, I'll show you Gravitas" is a perfect name for an OU/e class ship though.

Personification
2018-12-28, 03:18 PM
*********** I cannot call our ship "To the Escape Pods"
************ "All Hands Abandon Ship" is also prohibited.
************* "Initiate Self-Destruct" is right out.

**************The Life Boat may not be The Humble "000Destruct0"

Rater202
2018-12-28, 03:47 PM
*Any argument that ends in two PCs having hate sex on the bridge of the ship shall not be repeated.
**The players are not allowed to bring it up again.

Anonymouswizard
2018-12-28, 04:13 PM
*Any argument that ends in two PCs having hate sex on the bridge of the ship shall not be repeated.
**The players are not allowed to bring it up again.

*** Naming the ship after this event will get me sent to the naughty step.

Telok
2018-12-28, 07:49 PM
Given: The PCs are looking for a force of "missing, presumed dead" soldiers on an ancient wrecked space station.

Given: They've run into increasing numbers of cyber-zombies as the get closer to the Imperial troop ship that's been rammed into the station.

Given: The PCs got to the ship and killed a batch of cyber-zombies in the half wrecked docking bay.

* I may not ambush the PCs just because they sealed themselves in a small garage, with only one exit, inside the docking bay, next to the ship with a mad tech-priest and 100+ cyber-zombies in it, because they wanted to 'rest'.

* I may replace all the cyber-zombies because they did not throw the bodies of their own fallen soldiers down the conviently place bottomless pit.

* I may not have the werewolf spontaneously turn into a cyber-zombie half way through the rest period just because he spent three rounds during combat being humped with a zomb's spiky nanite injector bits.

* I may have the werewolf's arm, that got punched off by a zomb, regenerate as an uncontrolled cyber-zombie-arm. Because that's funny.

* I may not have Commisar Urist McBlammo blow up the space station with anitmatter missiles as a "nuke it from orbit" decision. It's logical, but will kill the PCs.

* I may have Commisar Urist McBlammo show up dual weilding full-auto grenade launchers and accuse the PCs of cowardice. Because they can outrun him.

* I will discover if I am allowed to make brain eating, demon worshipping, "awaken the elder evil", mind flayers more sympathetic and safer to deal with than th PCs own command structure.

Guizonde
2018-12-29, 12:22 AM
*no more naming my character after a your mom joke.
**even if it's my character's stage name.
***his real name can't be just as ridiculous as the stage name.
****it will get abbreviated and given a new nickname by the team.

danielxcutter
2018-12-29, 05:42 AM
*Perform(memes) is not a viable choice.

TheTeaMustFlow
2018-12-29, 05:34 PM
* Yes, singing "It's beginning to look a lot like Fishmen (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tTHn2tHhcI)" when walking into the Kuo-Toa settlement is racist.

Telok
2018-12-31, 02:54 AM
* I am no longer allowed to have a 600 kilo aboleth rip open a 4 cm thick steel pipe wall, jump 20 meters onto a catwalk, and start tentacle hentai-ing the party gunman and mage. It's a caster with divinations, enchantments, and illusions dang it.


- Context: Aboleths are pretty hefty castors and there's a divination spell called Luck that gives extra dice. By overcasting, risking perils of the warp, and getting a really good roll, it got to throw 9 extra dice on a jump check. In a system where you roll a max of ten dice, with extra dice going towards better successes and auto-successes. Plus the thing is apparently big enough to be really strong by default too.

danielxcutter
2018-12-31, 03:25 AM
* I am no longer allowed to have a 600 kilo aboleth rip open a 4 cm thick steel pipe wall, jump 20 meters onto a catwalk, and start tentacle hentai-ing the party gunman and mage. It's a caster with divinations, enchantments, and illusions dang it.


- Context: Aboleths are pretty hefty castors and there's a divination spell called Luck that gives extra dice. By overcasting, risking perils of the warp, and getting a really good roll, it got to throw 9 extra dice on a jump check. In a system where you roll a max of ten dice, with extra dice going towards better successes and auto-successes. Plus the thing is apparently big enough to be really strong by default too.

Assuming "tentacle hentai-ing" is a metaphor, I see no reason why you shouldn't do that in whatever edition that is(guessing 5e?).

If you play 3.5e, I do have this very nice Savant Aboleth I built... Which is more heavy on the "psionic manifesting" than the "tentacle face-smashing", to be honest, but isn't exactly terrible at the latter either.

Spore
2018-12-31, 04:14 AM
Seriously any eldritch horror with a decent size and tentacles should be allowed to attack, especially if the heroes are close enough to actually endanger its body. I know they prefer to send mind slaves after you keeping their body hidden and safe but when heroes come to IT, it may just go full on attack mode.

danielxcutter
2018-12-31, 04:21 AM
Seriously any eldritch horror with a decent size and tentacles should be allowed to attack, especially if the heroes are close enough to actually endanger its body. I know they prefer to send mind slaves after you keeping their body hidden and safe but when heroes come to IT, it may just go full on attack mode.

Aboleths are actually one of the prime examples for just that in most editions of D&D, I believe. Mind Flayers, on the other hand, are strictly more of the "caster" type of enemy, if you get what I mean.

JAL_1138
2018-12-31, 07:37 AM
whatever edition that is(guessing 5e?)..

Wouldn’t be 5e. Sounds like some kind of dice-pool variant of Warhammer or Warhammer40K, which is the only thing I know of to have a mechanic called “perils of the warp.” But WFRPG is a percentile-dice system, not a dice pool, and I think most of the 40K RPGs are also. Maybe somebody ported it into One Roll Engine?

Anonymouswizard
2018-12-31, 09:51 AM
Wouldn’t be 5e. Sounds like some kind of dice-pool variant of Warhammer or Warhammer40K, which is the only thing I know of to have a mechanic called “perils of the warp.” But WFRPG is a percentile-dice system, not a dice pool, and I think most of the 40K RPGs are also. Maybe somebody ported it into One Roll Engine?

Although I don't own it I believe the new 40k RPG, Wrath and Glory, is dice pool based, so likely either that or WFRP3e with FFG's funky dice.

Personification
2018-12-31, 10:53 AM
I think the main issue is that a giant wannabbe Cthulhu whale is making precision strikes and balancing on catwalks, not that it doesn't have the skills or attack power.

JAL_1138
2018-12-31, 11:44 AM
I think the main issue is that a giant wannabbe Cthulhu whale is making precision strikes and balancing on catwalks, not that it doesn't have the skills or attack power.

If an eldritch abomination doesn’t do improbable physics-defying things instead of what you expect, is it really eldritch?

Telok
2018-12-31, 01:48 PM
Ok, it's in a game of Dungeons the Dragoning 40,000 7th Edition version 1.6 which is a fan-made mashup of d&d, exalted, vampire, werewolf, wh, wh40k, and other bits & bobs. It's not a beginner or intro game, has occasional editing errors, and is vague or odd in a couple places. Yet for something made years ago, on a dare, in 4chan, it's quite good and we're having much more fun with it than with pazio's Starfinder.

An Atlantean halfling with a chain axe captains a kilometer long starship to Baator in order to engage in orbital bombardment is a legit first level character concept.

The aboleth snuck up on them by swimming up a steel pipe, ripping the pipe open with pure strength, and jumped 20ish meters onto a catwalk. It did this because the encounter started at about 100 meters and most of it's spells range under 30 meters. Divination turns out to be a pretty strong combat magic school.

Rater202
2018-12-31, 04:47 PM
*In a party including a literal God, a centuries-old Vampire who has devoured the souls of countless other vampires, an atomic-powered superman created to compete with the othertwo using everything humanity knows about cybernetics, genetic engineering, and nuclear power, an Immortal Sorcerer who was literally every wize od wizard in every myth in the world, a literal living star with infinite cosmic power, and an alien best described as "What if The Great Gazoo was The Punisher," the strongest caracter should not be a the year old girl who likes hugs.
**Nor should she be the most terrifying.

Personification
2018-12-31, 05:06 PM
*In a party including a literal God, a centuries-old Vampire who has devoured the souls of countless other vampires, an atomic-powered superman created to compete with the othertwo using everything humanity knows about cybernetics, genetic engineering, and nuclear power, an Immortal Sorcerer who was literally every wize od wizard in every myth in the world, a literal living star with infinite cosmic power, and an alien best described as "What if The Great Gazoo was The Punisher," the strongest caracter should not be a the year old girl who likes hugs.
**Nor should she be the most terrifying.

Counterpoint:
https://dreager1.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/adeakvbhk1.jpg

danielxcutter
2018-12-31, 08:35 PM
*In a party including a literal God, a centuries-old Vampire who has devoured the souls of countless other vampires, an atomic-powered superman created to compete with the othertwo using everything humanity knows about cybernetics, genetic engineering, and nuclear power, an Immortal Sorcerer who was literally every wize od wizard in every myth in the world, a literal living star with infinite cosmic power, and an alien best described as "What if The Great Gazoo was The Punisher," the strongest caracter should not be a the year old girl who likes hugs.
**Nor should she be the most terrifying.

If that is the case, chances are that the description is vastly oversimplified methinks.

Rater202
2018-12-31, 08:42 PM
If that is the case, chances are that the description is vastly oversimplified methinks.

Notas much as you'd think.

Unrelated:

*I don't care that its rules legal, you can't make modern Molecule Man at Char-Gen.

Spore
2019-01-01, 10:11 AM
I think the main issue is that a giant wannabbe Cthulhu whale is making precision strikes and balancing on catwalks, not that it doesn't have the skills or attack power.


If an eldritch abomination doesn’t do improbable physics-defying things instead of what you expect, is it really eldritch?

* It was all just in your heads.... is a poor copout of a story.
** Yes, even if the monster is a eldritch horror that has the ability to mesh dream and reality.
*** Tap dancing fish people are sweet and all but not really what a nightmare creature such as an aboleth woult think up.

danielxcutter
2019-01-01, 10:19 AM
* It was all just in your heads.... is a poor copout of a story.
** Yes, even if the monster is a eldritch horror that has the ability to mesh dream and reality.
*** Tap dancing fish people are sweet and all but not really what a nightmare creature such as an aboleth would think up.

****Fish people tap-dancing badly is only slightly more likely.

Lord Raziere
2019-01-06, 02:25 AM
* The Scarlet Dynasty is not comprised of Magical Girl squads of all five elements
** No, not even if it is a matriarchal society of Dragon-Blooded
*** who have sworn kinships of five
**** who use teamwork to defeat their foes
***** and wield magical artifacts to do so
****** while having a religion and martial arts to help them destroy evil with teamwork
******* the Dragon-Blooded are not Power Rangers, The Ginyu Force, the Xiaolin Warriors, or any of the Joestars either

danielxcutter
2019-01-06, 02:38 AM
* The Scarlet Dynasty is not comprised of Magical Girl squads of all five elements
** No, not even if it is a matriarchal society of Dragon-Blooded
*** who have sworn kinships of five
**** who use teamwork to defeat their foes
***** and wield magical artifacts to do so
****** while having a religion and martial arts to help them destroy evil with teamwork
******* the Dragon-Blooded are not Power Rangers, The Ginyu Force, the Xiaolin Warriors, or any of the Joestars either

********They do not have gigantic robots that combine into an even more gigantic robot, either.

Where is this from, BTW?

Rater202
2019-01-06, 02:44 AM
* #ScrewYouDad is not and never will trend among Scions of the Theoi.
** Nor is it appropriate to use it when tweeting @TheRealLoki, even if he's your father and sent you on a #WildGooseChase.

Lord Raziere
2019-01-06, 03:18 AM
********They do not have gigantic robots that combine into an even more gigantic robot, either.

Where is this from, BTW?

Exalted, but no actually they totally do have that particular part, ancient magical giant robots you pilot are an actual part of Exalted's setting, and Dragon-Blooded have them as apart of their empire they use when they need to take out really big threats, them combining together would actually be a thing that can happen in exalted, if in the more over the top kinds of games you can do with it.

* Yes DB's have giant robots, but dammit they are not the TTGL!
** Evangelions or Gundams on the other hand are totally fine.

danielxcutter
2019-01-06, 03:28 AM
Exalted, but no actually they totally do have that particular part, ancient magical giant robots you pilot are an actual part of Exalted's setting, and Dragon-Blooded have them as apart of their empire they use when they need to take out really big threats, them combining together would actually be a thing that can happen in exalted, if in the more over the top kinds of games you can do with it.

* Yes DB's have giant robots, but dammit they are not the TTGL!
** Evangelions or Gundams on the other hand are totally fine.

I was going to say something on the lines of "wut", but then I remembered we're talking about Exalted.

-̗̀ (ↀωↀ) -̖́
2019-01-07, 01:42 PM
* The first plan of action when dealing with will-o-wisps is not to crush them in between your bare hands
** because they looked like fireflies is not a valid excuse, even with 5 intelligence
*** applying this logic to every encounter afterwords is right out

Rater202
2019-01-07, 02:53 PM
*I need to stop playing creepy little kids.
**Because I do it too well.

Braininthejar2
2019-01-07, 02:58 PM
* The Scarlet Dynasty is not comprised of Magical Girl squads of all five elements

Isn't it pretty close to a standard Wyld Hunt setup though?

Lord Raziere
2019-01-07, 07:41 PM
Isn't it pretty close to a standard Wyld Hunt setup though?

* I am not to clarify that I mean "sailor moon style magical girls in sailor fukus and shouting attack names while waving wands" rather than "game of thrones nobility with avatar bender powers in jade shardplate"

*I am not to use esperanto as a code to hide meaning as a form of ironic parody of the fact that its a failed attempt at a universal language.
** Precipe en ĉi tiu tre fadeno por ŝraŭbi kun ĉiuj mensoj

Personification
2019-01-07, 08:14 PM
* I am not to clarify that I mean "sailor moon style magical girls in sailor fukus and shouting attack names while waving wands" rather than "game of thrones nobility with avatar bender powers in jade shardplate"

Ooh, Sanderfan! *Hogh Five*

danielxcutter
2019-01-07, 08:16 PM
Ooh, Sanderfan! *Hogh Five*

...Context, please?

Lord Raziere
2019-01-07, 09:39 PM
Ooh, Sanderfan! *Hogh Five*

*returns high five lazily and casually, as if no big deal* context: Brandon Sanderson is good author, find his books, read them.

*My Air aspect Dragon-Blooded cannot be named "Sasuke Iselsi"
** My older brother is not named Itachi and he did not murder my entire family
*** Itachi Iselsi is not a Solar Anathema who I trying to kill to get my revenge
**** Mostly because its all the other Houses that killed my family, not an Anathema.
***** Madara Iselsi is not the mastermind of my House's downfall by encouraging that failed assassination attempt on the Empress.
****** The reason for this assassination cannot be "House put into certain neighborhood in the Imperial City" if anything having your own district of a city to rule is giving you more power
******* The Iselsi most certainly do not get special eye-based awareness charms that screw with reality in various ways, these charms do not get stronger if you see one of your Sworn Brothers die, and no you can't project whatever illusions you want into peoples minds.
******** An Iselsi Dragon-Blooded who is so devoted to the Vendetta that they join up with Solar Anathema to take down all the Houses of the Realm is perfectly in character and acceptable.

Anonymouswizard
2019-01-08, 04:34 AM
...Context, please?

Shadeplate is essentially magical power armour from Brandon Sanderson's Stormlight Archive series. It's probably tied with the first Mistborn trilogy for his most boring series, he's no Peter F. Hamilton and his long books tend to suffer from having a fairly lengthy dull bit right before the end. However, he is very, very good at writing hard magic systems, I recommend Warbreaker as probably his best which didn't require slogging through another series.

iceman10058
2019-01-08, 02:27 PM
Shadeplate is essentially magical power armour from Brandon Sanderson's Stormlight Archive series. It's probably tied with the first Mistborn trilogy for his most boring series, he's no Peter F. Hamilton and his long books tend to suffer from having a fairly lengthy dull bit right before the end. However, he is very, very good at writing hard magic systems, I recommend Warbreaker as probably his best which didn't require slogging through another series.

to be fair, he is also doing a ton of character and world building to set up a huge amount of books. Stormlight is set to be a 10 book series alone i believe?

PhoenixPhyre
2019-01-08, 03:06 PM
to be fair, he is also doing a ton of character and world building to set up a huge amount of books. Stormlight is set to be a 10 book series alone i believe?

Which doesn't excuse slow and boring plotting. I'm not opposed to people putting the EPIC in epic fantasy, but at some point you need to stop writing 600+ page tomes and get on with it. It's the Robert Jordan problem--too many subplots/details so you lose track of what's important and miss things that really do matter in the blizzard of words.

For all that people talk up Sanderson's writing, I've never been that enthralled. It doesn't grab me and keep me going. :shrug:

Anonymouswizard
2019-01-08, 03:39 PM
Which doesn't excuse slow and boring plotting. I'm not opposed to people putting the EPIC in epic fantasy, but at some point you need to stop writing 600+ page tomes and get on with it. It's the Robert Jordan problem--too many subplots/details so you lose track of what's important and miss things that really do matter in the blizzard of words.

For all that people talk up Sanderson's writing, I've never been that enthralled. It doesn't grab me and keep me going. :shrug:

This.

Sanderson is okay, and I enjoy him when he sticks to shorter books. But unlike Peter F. Hamilton, who I can read a 1000 page book from without looking for something to break the boredom (although I do need to read something else in between times) I've not yet been able to read Sanderson's long books in one go. Although Hamilton is the very specific style of writing that I adore, and always has something happening in at least one of his main plots, and very few subplots (trending towards having seven or so major plot threads that doesn't converge). I wouldn't recommend Hamilton for everybody, but he's very good of you can grok his style.

I'm starting to feel like SF&F needs to go back to shorter books. A series of 300 page books is easier to get into then a series of 1000 page books (my younger brother was convinced that the Stormlight Archive had to be a trilogy, after discovering that it's meant to be ten books he understood exactly why I'd decided to stop reading it).

PhoenixPhyre
2019-01-08, 04:00 PM
This.

Sanderson is okay, and I enjoy him when he sticks to shorter books. But unlike Peter F. Hamilton, who I can read a 1000 page book from without looking for something to break the boredom (although I do need to read something else in between times) I've not yet been able to read Sanderson's long books in one go. Although Hamilton is the very specific style of writing that I adore, and always has something happening in at least one of his main plots, and very few subplots (trending towards having seven or so major plot threads that doesn't converge). I wouldn't recommend Hamilton for everybody, but he's very good of you can grok his style.

I'm starting to feel like SF&F needs to go back to shorter books. A series of 300 page books is easier to get into then a series of 1000 page books (my younger brother was convinced that the Stormlight Archive had to be a trilogy, after discovering that it's meant to be ten books he understood exactly why I'd decided to stop reading it).

I'm not personally fond of Hamilton, but that's more for content than for style.

I read fast (for fiction at least). I read Harry Potter 6 (~600 pages) in a couple hours straight and retained enough to answer questions about it. But that's if I don't get bored or lost. Having to go back and re-read passages to figure out what's important and what's just fluff is a good way of losing me fast. And Sanderson's series usually require me to go back and re-read the whole set of previous books each time a new one comes out. Too many threads, too many details, too many characters with unpronounceable names.

Personally (and this is YMMV territory), I'm not to enthralled with the "hard magic" approach. It ends up feeling (to me) like "look at my fancy magic system!" rather than telling a gripping story. It puts the emphasis on the wrong thing (for me). Same with hard science fiction or military tech fiction--too much focus on things or equations and not enough on events or people.

Rater202
2019-01-08, 05:13 PM
*Martian/Kryptonian hybrids are not a thing that should ever exist anywhere.

Lord Raziere
2019-01-08, 07:58 PM
*Martian/Kryptonian hybrids are not a thing that should ever exist anywhere.

* Kryptonian vampires should not be a thing either, mostly because we shouldn't be confused as to whether the person gains power from or is destroyed by the sun.
** kryptonian/saiyans hybrids are right out, should not exist anywhere either.
*** and as we agreed upon before, any child of Boruto and Sarada should never come into existence
**** stacking Sharingan with Force User with Red Lantern Ring with Odiumspren is just begging for things to go horribly wrong
***** especially if you used Hemalurgy to put in that last one.

* May not accidentally start a Sanderson discussion
** may not read or comment on peoples opinions of Sanderson if they disagree with me, life is too short to argue about one of my favorite authors when I could be doing more positive things.


Ehhh.....I've read Pandora's Star and Judas Unchained, I can tell effort was put into it, but I never was all that grabbed by them? like....all the parts where there, and they all connected, but it just didn't leave all that much of an impression on me.

though I'm a fast reader. I read through things so fast and well that when I have to go on vacation involving planes, I have to make sure I don't read a Stormlight Archive book too fast so that I don't run out of stuff to read even if its just for three days. A stormlight archive book is usually a thousand pages long for context. anything else won't last long enough because its high quality and long. so I don't care if books stay long, I seem to be books target audience, because I can read books like crazy.

Personification
2019-01-09, 05:55 PM
This.

Sanderson is okay, and I enjoy him when he sticks to shorter books. But unlike Peter F. Hamilton, who I can read a 1000 page book from without looking for something to break the boredom (although I do need to read something else in between times) I've not yet been able to read Sanderson's long books in one go. Although Hamilton is the very specific style of writing that I adore, and always has something happening in at least one of his main plots, and very few subplots (trending towards having seven or so major plot threads that doesn't converge). I wouldn't recommend Hamilton for everybody, but he's very good of you can grok his style.

I'm starting to feel like SF&F needs to go back to shorter books. A series of 300 page books is easier to get into then a series of 1000 page books (my younger brother was convinced that the Stormlight Archive had to be a trilogy, after discovering that it's meant to be ten books he understood exactly why I'd decided to stop reading it).

I get where you're coming from, but I disagree completely (in a "media quality is subjective so I really like what you apparently don't" kind of way). I've honestly never heard of Hamilton, so I can't comment on that, but what you described as your reading experience with his books seems very similar to mine with Sanderson's, and what you described about your experience with Sanderson is similar to mine with the Wheel of Time, which I am trying to get through now, mostly because Sanderson finished it and I want to read those books. As for the last part, I do agree that doorstoppers are not necessarily the right way to go for SF&F, and I understand how it can intimidate away from the books, but I also think that a book should be the length that it needs to, and the Stormlight Archive is a big-book series. With the amount of worldbuilding, character development, and intrigue (which admittedly it seems like you want less of, explaining your issue with the books) they really can't afford to be any smaller. Anyway, YMMV. He does have some short non-Cosmere stuff that is good too though. Skyward is both sanely-sized and very good.

Because I feel like I have to be at least a little bit on topic:
* Yes, I may make a bard
**Yes, I may have a seafaring soldier background
***Yes, I may max out intelligence and all knowledge-based skills and abilities, including biology, zoology, and geology
****No, I may not be the very model of a modern major general

Lord Raziere
2019-01-10, 05:51 AM
More Exalted ones:
* May not joke that "In Soviet Prasad, Anathema join US!"
** May not joke that "In Soviet Prasad, we ARE the gods that are worshipped!"
*** May not make a Solar who joins the Pure Way to be "redeemed" and ends up befriending all the Prasadi Dragon-Blooded and working my way up until I unite the Empire under my theocratic rule as a paragon of Prasadi values.
**** May not then use my new position to offer all other Solar Anathema to be redeemed as well and thus try to start a new age of cooperation between Solars and Dragon-Blooded by using the Pure Way as an institution to allow Solars to be accepted without completely overthrowing society in some disastrous revolution.
****** May not use this as a way to hoard Solars and use their power to expand my empire and make it greater than the Realm. This has to go wrong SOMEHOW.
******* May not push my luck by trying to extend this to Abyssals. That will not end well.

* May not refer to Dynasts as "DB Tyrant Classic"
** Lookshyans are not "Dynasts But More Reasonable"
*** Prasadi are not "Dynasts But With Anathema servants"
**** Outcastes are not traitors who all inevitably join Anathema
***** Heaven's Dragons are not underpaid immigrants who the Sidereals outsource their jobs to. Thats what the Immaculate Order is for!
****** The Forest Witches are not VR junkies.

* House Cynis is not the Dragon-Blooded Mafia
** House Ragara is not the Dragon-Blooded Bank- oh wait.
*** House Nellens is not the Realm's Bourgeosie Labor Supply
**** House Peleps is not the Realm's Nav- oh wait
***** House Sesus is not the Realm's Private Military Contractors
****** House Cathak is not the Realm's Super-Star Paladins
******* House Ledaal is not the Realm's Library nor is their motto "Anathema Are Coming"

Rater202
2019-01-11, 09:12 PM
* My Barbarian has to wear more than just a skirt made of a bear pelt when we're visiting the King of a civilized nation.

iceman10058
2019-01-12, 05:40 PM
* My Barbarian has to wear more than just a skirt made of a bear pelt when we're visiting the King of a civilized nation.

** My barbarian should wash his bear pelt on occasion too

PhoenixPhyre
2019-01-12, 05:48 PM
* My Barbarian has to wear more than just a skirt made of a bear pelt when we're visiting the King of a civilized nation.

Even if he *kilt* it himself.

Neknoh
2019-01-12, 06:21 PM
* My well-meaning Troll may no longer put up a hand-written tear away sign at the local cornerstore when the captain of the crew has mentioned they need to hire a new guy for a heist.
** Especially not if it mentions "doing crimey stuff", "ask for Cap'n Oscar" and has their adress on the tear away slips. (Shadowrun is fun.)

* Grob is also no longer allowed to bring a construction-site floodlight slung to his Krime Gun
** No, even if the rest of the crew has tacticool flashlights slung to their guns,
*** Even if he's "bigger 'an 'em" and "'as a bigger gun."
**** Even if it has a strobe light (And no Grob, waving your hand in front of it really quickly does not count.)
***** Even if he's afraid of the dark.

Guizonde
2019-01-12, 07:49 PM
*there's no such thing as "air-shotgunning, but with a shotgun. into a crowd. repeatedly."
**especially when the mission brief specifically said "non-lethal equipment only".
***point-blank rubber baton ammo will still kill most people.
****even without the bayonnetting of the survivors.

JAL_1138
2019-01-12, 11:23 PM
*May not inadvertently spread my apparent RL curse of horrible luck with technological devices failing/breaking to other members of the group.

TheYell
2019-01-17, 12:50 PM
I may not raise the INT on an animal companion, teach it Linguistics, and then have it fill in for a bard role.

Spore
2019-01-18, 07:44 AM
I may not raise the INT on an animal companion, teach it Linguistics, and then have it fill in for a bard role.

**Even if its charisma is comparable with both the druid and the fighter.
*** People might even buy the "cute talking tiger or wolf" but not adorable monitor lizard, even if its charisma is higher than that of the other two creatures.

* When my DM tells me, a troll is more charismatic than my tiefling alchemist, I may not proceed to pump a troll full with potions to raise charisma and have him actually pose as my "PR guy"

noob
2019-01-18, 10:24 AM
*Chickens are not the ultimate sorcerers.
**I can not substitute dragons by chickens freely.
***even through chickens have 13 charisma.

Telok
2019-01-18, 11:05 AM
Soon, not yet, but soon, I am pretty sure that I will no longer be allowed to include an Illuminati type organization based on Snow White and the Seven Dwarves... If the players figure it out.

JMS
2019-01-18, 11:13 AM
I may not raise the INT on an animal companion, teach it Linguistics, and then have it fill in for a bard role.
I acctually have a charecter in a game that has a cohort/Animal companion/other stuff as a buffer, the main char is built to be a good buff platform. Another chareter that posseses their phantom from spirtualist -- Yeah, Homebrew, epic, and Tristalt get weird

Astofel
2019-01-18, 03:46 PM
*I am not allowed to start a mutiny on my first day on board the ship
**Or my second
***Even if the captain and his lackeys are in fact terrible at their jobs

Guizonde
2019-01-18, 06:50 PM
*no shooting the subway orphans.
**no teaching the orphans how to shoot up, either.
***no finding innovative ways to kill kids in game.
****putting their corpses in freezers is both politically incorrect and way the hell out of bounds.

Rater202
2019-01-20, 02:22 AM
*I may not compel a summoned Balor to play the Bagpipes to gain a bonus on my performance checks if I'm not the one who summoned the Balor.

JAL_1138
2019-01-20, 09:17 AM
*A villain may not abuse the fact that talking is a free action to filibuster combat while they come up with a plan.

Lord Raziere
2019-01-20, 02:36 PM
* Oramus is not Jevil and he doesn't sing eternally in his wings.
** The Unconquered Sun is not four-armed All-Might
*** The Getimians are not WD Gaster
**** Malfeas is not flaming green nuclear Karkat
***** Autochthon is not Wheatley from Portal 2
****** The Sidereals are not jedi
******* The Abyssals are not Sith
******** The Scarlet Dynasty's anthem is not the Imperial March from Star Wars
********* It is no longer appropriate for Infernal Exalted to sing "When your Evil"
********** It is however still perfectly fine for Fair Folk to do so.

danielxcutter
2019-01-20, 11:56 PM
*I may not compel a summoned Balor to play the Bagpipes to gain a bonus on my performance checks if I'm not the one who summoned the Balor.

Why not? What if my Wizard uses Gate for the Bard to do that?

TheTeaMustFlow
2019-01-21, 09:57 PM
* I am not to use planar travel or teleportation to exploit legal loopholes.
** If I do it anyway, the Inevitables are coming.
*** Ysgard is not a tax haven.
**** Using Carceri to gitmo my enemies is acceptable, but when they end up subverting the guard-creatures and leading a planar prison break I will have no one to blame but myself.

* Yes, you can melt down the chainmail and use the metal for crafting projects.
** Yes, this includes firearms
*** No, this will not get me a chaingun.

Spore
2019-01-21, 11:27 PM
* I am not to use planar travel or teleportation to exploit legal loopholes.
** If I do it anyway, the Inevitables are coming.
*** Ysgard is not a tax haven.
**** Using Carceri to gitmo my enemies is acceptable, but when they end up subverting the guard-creatures and leading a planar prison break I will have no one to blame but myself.

:smallannoyed:

That is why I usually use the Positive Energy Plane for that. Either it is undead and vaporizes in seconds, or it is living which is apparently like a microwave, healing the poor bugger until he pops.

Anonymouswizard
2019-01-22, 06:13 AM
* I must speak more languages than Esperanto.

From the 'ejection security in D&D thread:
* Creating demiplanes serves more purposes than having tax havens.

noob
2019-01-22, 06:42 AM
:smallannoyed:

That is why I usually use the Positive Energy Plane for that. Either it is undead and vaporizes in seconds, or it is living which is apparently like a microwave, healing the poor bugger until he pops.

Actually undead regain hit points while in the positive energy plane and does not have the drawback of exploding because the explosion part does not apply to objects and is resisted by a fortitude save.

Spore
2019-01-22, 03:10 PM
Actually undead regain hit points while in the positive energy plane and does not have the drawback of exploding because the explosion part does not apply to objects and is resisted by a fortitude save.

*May NOOOOOOT insert a positive energy plane lich as the villain of my new campaign.
** Even if it would come with the complementary undead horde composed entirely of "light spirits"

Lord Raziere
2019-01-22, 04:17 PM
* I must speak more languages than Esperanto.


** May not ironically use Esperanto as a way to hide information from people

* May not play an Iselsi just so I can have an excuse to betray everyone -except the PCs- when I need to.

Rater202
2019-01-22, 10:45 PM
*May not respond to people asking who I am by singing random verses from Sympathy for the Devil.
**even if I'm actually a demon of some kind.

JAL_1138
2019-01-23, 03:43 AM
*May not respond to people asking who I am by singing random verses from Sympathy for the Devil.
**even if I'm actually a demon of some kind.

***Asmodeus should not introduce himself with references to “Sympathy for the Devil” lyrics either.
****“Devil Went Down to Georgia” is right out.

danielxcutter
2019-01-23, 03:50 AM
*May not respond to people asking who I am by singing random verses from Sympathy for the Devil.
**even if I'm actually a demon of some kind.


***Asmodeus should not introduce himself with references to “Sympathy for the Devil” lyrics either.
****“Devil Went Down to Georgia” is right out.

*****Demons (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFQYaoiIFh8) by Imagine Dragons may not be sung by demons, dragons, half-demonic dragons, or half-dragon demons.

Katrina
2019-01-25, 04:22 AM
*****Demons (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFQYaoiIFh8) by Imagine Dragons may not be sung by demons, dragons, half-demonic dragons, or half-dragon demons.

* Ghost Rider is right out.

Lord Torath
2019-01-30, 03:14 PM
* I may not take the Alphorn as my bard's primary instrument.

noob
2019-01-30, 03:24 PM
* I may not take the Alphorn as my bard's primary instrument.

**gno bards again.

Anonymouswizard
2019-01-30, 03:28 PM
* Gnomish Bards are not a thing.
** Especially after last time.

JAL_1138
2019-01-30, 04:24 PM
* Gnomish Bards are not a thing.
** Especially after last time.

***A gnomish bard with a portable miniature pyrophone organ is right out.

Anonymouswizard
2019-01-30, 04:55 PM
***A gnomish bard with a portable miniature pyrophone organ is right out.

**** If my musical instrument has a higher minimum safe distance than the Wild Magic Sorcerer it is banned.

Adventures in Middle-Earth:
* Yes, the Riders of Rohan culture gives me both a free riding horse and the Animal Handling skill.
** My first use of the skill should not be to train the horse as a warhorse.
*** I am banned from using my downtime to take work away from NPCs.
**** I am to blame if none of the party agrees to enter buildings.

noob
2019-01-30, 05:20 PM
*Building are not treacherous mimics that have not yet been proven to be mimics.

danielxcutter
2019-01-30, 07:03 PM
*Building are not treacherous mimics that have not yet been proven to be mimics.

**Neither are dungeons.

***And absolutely not the outhouse.

Galithar
2019-01-30, 07:38 PM
* I may no longer spend multiple months referring to the BBEG as nothing more than "The Dark One".
** When they finally meet him face to face he may not taunt the party casters by saying "All magic comes with a price"
*** Even if I spend multiple sessions setting up a lose lose situation that requires them to use magic to escape, only to have said magic backfire.
**** He is not trying to kill them because they stole his favorite tea cup.
***** His favorite tea cup was not dropped in such a way that it has a single chip in the side.
****** He absolutely cannot finally tell them his name is 'Rumplestiltskin'.

Personification
2019-01-31, 10:57 PM
* Gnomish Bards are not a thing.
** Especially after last time.

https://i.gifer.com/embedded/download/Dwrq.gif

JAL_1138
2019-02-01, 10:53 AM
https://i.gifer.com/embedded/download/Dwrq.gif

There was a stand-up comic, I forget who, who did a bit about how two instruments at once is cool, any more is dorky, and it’s weird that that’s the case when you stop to think about it. A guy playing a guitar and a harmonica simultaneously is cool. But add a pair of cymbals and suddenly he’s a dweeb for some reason.

*My bard, whether gnomish or gnot, is not allowed, under any circumstances, to have a one-man band kit.

PastorofMuppets
2019-02-01, 06:53 PM
* Doing psychic type damage with an attack does not enable me to make called shots to things like the motivation, happiness, memories or sense of wonder of my target.

** being both the party rogue and the apparent quartmaster of our adventuring group is allowed but only when no one checks my math.

*** if they check my math a bluff check about “standard deductions “ won’t convince players even if it does convince characters

* no more catching people trying to pickpocket me, giving them pointers and then directing them to better targets for a small finders fee.

* “But I’m a dwarf” does not qualify as a reason for my my rogue to have a finesse type hammer

JMS
2019-02-01, 09:00 PM
* Doing psychic type damage with an attack does not enable me to make called shots to things like the motivation, happiness, memories or sense of wonder of my target.

** being both the party rogue and the apparent quartmaster of our adventuring group is allowed but only when no one checks my math.

*** if they check my math a bluff check about “standard deductions “ won’t convince players even if it does convince characters

**** You can't use diplomacy on PC's, and even if you did, it can't be to start up a finance company.

*****No loan sharking! Not even then.

******The Druid Awakening or summoning sharks and temporarily giving them to people should not be a thing.

*If a character needs textbooks to play, it is banned

**Doubly so in the case of a Gnome

***If the Textbook is for Chem, Physics, Engineering, or any subcategory of those, selected notes are not allowed

****Why do you have that Bio textbook?

Malak'ai
2019-02-01, 10:34 PM
****Why do you have that Bio textbook?

*****No! Just no! Argh! Get that thing away from me!!!

Telok
2019-02-01, 11:53 PM
*****No! Just no! Argh! Get that thing away from me!!!
******Pulling out a Calculus textbook for reference when you talk about using "dwarven accounting" to manage the party loot bag is just being cruel.
*******Especially if you're not joking.

Spore
2019-02-02, 08:56 AM
******Pulling out a Calculus textbook for reference when you talk about using "dwarven accounting" to manage the party loot bag is just being cruel.
*******Especially if you're not joking.

*Fine, let's see what your alchemist can come up with.
** You are absolutely NOT turning the sand pit into hydrofluoric acid.
*** I do not care if the Bonfire cantrip is basically a bunsen burner providing enough heat to power this reaction.

JMS
2019-02-02, 05:30 PM
*Asomodeus is never an acceptable ally.
**Orcus will not supply troops
***Cuthulu is not, was never, and will never be an option for an "alliance"

Telok
2019-02-02, 11:05 PM
*Fine, let's see what your alchemist can come up with.
** You are absolutely NOT turning the sand pit into hydrofluoric acid.
*** I do not care if the Bonfire cantrip is basically a bunsen burner providing enough heat to power this reaction.

**** Under absolutely no circumstances are any of my characters allowed access to useful amounts of pure elements from the three left most columns of the periodic table, the three right most columns of the periodic table, and anything heavier than lead.

***** If it appears in the 'what if?' book by Randall Munroe, I am not allowed near it.

****** If it appears in the 'what if?' book by Randall Munroe, my RPG characters are double not allowed near it.

Personification
2019-02-03, 02:42 AM
**** Under absolutely no circumstances are any of my characters allowed access to useful amounts of pure elements from the three left most columns of the periodic table, the three right most columns of the periodic table, and anything heavier than lead.

***** If it appears in the 'what if?' book by Randall Munroe, I am not allowed near it.

****** If it appears in the 'what if?' book by Randall Munroe, my RPG characters are double not allowed near it.

*******If it appears in the 'What If?' BLOG by Randall Munroe... it is also not allowed.

JMS
2019-02-03, 07:55 AM
*******If it appears in the 'What If?' BLOG by Randall Munroe... it is also not allowed.
********If it comes from XKCD, the ban may be spot lifted
*********This does not apply to comics with Black Hat or Danish

Personification
2019-02-03, 03:31 PM
********If it comes from XKCD, the ban may be spot lifted
*********This does not apply to comics with Black Hat or Danish

**********My character concept may not be Beret Guy (For those who don't know, Beret Guy is basically Elan if all of Elan's Insane Troll Logic (https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/InsaneTrollLogic) actually gave him the abilities he thinks it will.)
https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tuesdays.png

https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/vacuum.png

Hellpyre
2019-02-03, 07:09 PM
*The Red Wizards are not waiting for the Legendary Super Thayan.
**He most certainly would not have flowing blond locks while casting spells.
***Bards may not tell tales of how the Super Thayan protects Faerûn from evil.

Anonymouswizard
2019-02-03, 07:50 PM
********If it comes from XKCD, the ban may be spot lifted
*********This does not apply to comics with Black Hat or Danish

********** Irregular Webcomic is on a case by case basis.
*********** Especially the annotations.

Personification
2019-02-03, 09:08 PM
********** Irregular Webcomic is on a case by case basis.
*********** Especially the annotations.
************Don't bother asking about Jane Goodall, the Paradox Frog, Kyros, or Mrs. Cake Steve

PastorofMuppets
2019-02-04, 08:26 PM
*There is no dwarven mining company named DeBeerds in DnD using strong arm tactics to control the world diamond supply and artificially inflate their prices.

**The rivalry between dwarves and orcs/goblins is not just a coverup for their hostile takeovers of new diamond deposits.

JAL_1138
2019-02-04, 08:53 PM
*An MtG setting now being a D&D setting does not mean my wizard can get extra spell slots via a black variety of a certain aquatic plant.
**Nor can I sell such plants for exorbitant sums of money.
***Especially not if they’re just regular ones I’ve grown in water that had ink mixed in.

Anonymouswizard
2019-02-05, 02:06 PM
* Yes, I can play a ranger focused on grappling.
** Crickey! What do you mean 'it's now banned'!?

JMS
2019-02-05, 05:56 PM
* Yes, I can play a ranger focused on grappling.
** Crickey! What do you mean 'it's now banned'!?

I don't get the joke, but my pop-culture knowledge is limited. Care to explain?

DeTess
2019-02-05, 06:47 PM
I don't get the joke, but my pop-culture knowledge is limited. Care to explain?

I'm fairly certain this is a Steve Irwin reference.

Edit:

*"Because the dice said 'no', but I thought this would be funnier" is not a good enough excuse for giving the players a full-blown hurricane when they where trying to merely summon a small storm as cover for some shenanigans.

Personification
2019-02-05, 09:07 PM
I'm fairly certain this is a Steve Irwin reference.

I actually think that it is IWC's version of Steve Erwin, as it was mentioned upthread.

JMS
2019-02-09, 12:46 PM
*"Because the dice said 'no', but I thought this would be funnier" is not a good enough excuse for giving the players a full-blown hurricane when they where trying to merely summon a small storm as cover for some shenanigans.
**"Because I can" is also not a good reason for Hurricanes, Volcanoes, Floods, tornadoes, sudden and unexpected architectural activity, or sentient variations of the above (Just finished an anthology with 2 of the above. :smallsmile:)

Spore
2019-02-09, 02:00 PM
*Taunting the heroes as fey is expected
** Taunting the players as the DM is frowned upon
*** I should not be surprised when the next time a fey trickster taunts the party, they either leave or they kill the trickster up front with their strongest attack.

Reltzik
2019-02-09, 04:02 PM
ME: "Okay, so I'm going to use a Steal action to plant an item on this self-righteous prick, and I get to activate it when I plant it because of a talent I have."
GM: "What are you planting on him?"
ME: "Immovable rod."
GM: "Wait, he's a dragon. He's not wearing clothes. WHERE are you planting it?"
ME: "Well I AM behind him..."
GM: "You mean you're going to shove it up his-"
ME: "Don't think of it as a steal action. Think of it as actualizing a metaphor."

* No longer allowed to actualize metaphors.

JAL_1138
2019-02-09, 04:15 PM
*The Universal Stillpoint Rod (https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Truly_Immovable_Rod) may not make an appearance in the campai*CLANG* What the $&@% was that?!

JMS
2019-02-09, 07:01 PM
*Taunting the heroes as fey is expected
** Taunting the players as the DM is frowned upon
*** I should not be surprised when the next time a fey trickster taunts the party, they either leave or they kill the trickster up front with their strongest attack.
*I am not allowed to play fey
**That includes changelings
***Particularly ebberon style changelings for the race, fey changeling personality.
****Not allowed to have more than 1 form of disguise self.

Anonymouswizard
2019-02-10, 07:57 AM
* My secret identities are no longer allowed to have secret identities.

PhoenixPhyre
2019-02-10, 08:16 AM
* My secret identities are no longer allowed to have secret identities.

But what if your secret identity is as a crazy dude with lots of "secret identities" that are obviously just him in a different shirt? That way no one will suspect him as the secret identity of the superhero--everyone knows that Bob's really bad at disguise.

braveheart
2019-02-13, 08:47 PM
*I may not forget to apply my level 4 and 5 HP after the time skip
**may not proceed to tell the GM I'm outright dead after he crits me
***may not do this and only realize the math error after the session is done and everyone has done good rp mourning my character

VelociRapture12
2019-02-23, 11:24 AM
*We may no longer threaten the DM's sanity by throwing asteroids at the moon base.
**Shooting rods of asteroid is unlikely
***Wait you can do what with shrink item?

JMS
2019-02-23, 04:02 PM
*We may no longer threaten the DM's sanity by throwing asteroids at the moon base.
**Shooting rods of asteroid is unlikely
***Wait you can do what with shrink item?

****You do not get to set what traits the Genesis spell gives you in your demiplane.
*****No physics in D&D.
******Commoner Railgun is right out.