A large dump of homebrew, ripe for the PEACHin'

[SunderedWorldDM]

Howdy, playgrounders! Whenever I make a bit of 5e homebrew, I'll drop it here for you all to rip apart then sew back together. First is the Cleric domain I submitted from the 2nd Slapdash contest, the Star domain! I'll be combing through my Google Drive, but for now, tell me how terrible this one is!

Stars
A Cleric domain
Some deities command the heavens and the rotation of the stars above. These range from goddesses of the moon to gods of madness between the stars, but regardless, those who follow them have a deep and innate connection to the constellations above, pulling power and energy from the celestial bodies above.

Extra Spells:
1- Faerie Fire, Mage Armor
3- Darkness, Moonbeam
5- Speak with Dead, Major Image
7- Confusion, Dimension Door
9- Dream, Far Step

Protection
At 1st level, you have mastered defensive maneuvers and the accouterments associated with such. You gain proficiency in heavy armor.
Lunar Sight
The darkness is sacred and holy, for without it, you cannot look above and see the stars. At 1st level, your darkvision improves by 60 feet. In addition, once before you take a long rest, you can choose to have Truesight as far as you have darkvision for a number of minutes equal to your Wisdom modifier.
Channel Divinity: Stellar Blast
At 2nd level, you can invest the fire of the stars into a single ball of binding energy. As an action, you can throw a ball of star-stuff up to 30 feet away. Every creature within 10 feet of where the ball hits must make a Constitution save, taking 2d8 (force or radiant, your choice) damage and being blinded on a failure. On a success, they only take half that damage and are not blinded.
Vacuum
At 6th level, you are resistant to cosmic forces, including gravity. You gain resistance to cold damage and force damage. In addition, you have advantage on Strength saving throws against being moved or knocked prone.
Potent Spellcasting
You can add your Wisdom modifier to the damage of your cantrips.
Might of the Constellation
You have become a paragon of astral might, your capabilities far exceeding that of a normal being. At 17th level, you can increase one ability score that is not Wisdom by 4. Its maximum also increases by 4.

[SunderedWorldDM]

Another: a feytouched race called the Peroxxi!

Peroxxi
With the blood of the Fey in their veins, the Peroxxi are the Fey counterparts of the Tieflings and Aasimar. They are ever-so-slightly taller than normal, and their skin has a metallic hue (sometimes they have small lizard-like scales) in all colors of the rainbow, but most commonly silver and gold. Their hair is often in vivid, unnatural colors and they have intricate swirling designs across their cheeks up to their temples and foreheads. No one is sure how these markings appear/develop- are they tattooed on one day as a fairy? Is it a manifestation of their own internal Fay magic? Is it a sort of rite of passage?

Peroxxi are mischievous and excitable like their fey ancestors- except for the silver Peroxxi, who are typically much more cerebral. They enjoy playing practical jokes on people, partying, indulging in delights, and generally having a good time. However, when they need to be serious or focus on an important task, they devote all their energy and enthusiasm to it.

Typical Names: Marawyn, Thrabavar, Ingarnoll, Thelania, Dor-Harshas, Zlomathani (Peroxxi names are vaguely Irish/Celtic, but have inhuman, musical twists to them.)

Ability Score Increase. Your Wisdom increases by 2. Peroxxi are perceptive, intuitive, and in touch with what’s around them.
Natural Skills. You gain proficiency in one of the following: Perception, Animal Handling, Arcana, Survival, or all ranged weapons.
Fey Arcana. At 1st level, you learn the Druidcraft cantrip. At 3rd level, you can cast the spell Chaos Bolt. At 5th, you can cast the spell Barkskin. You can cast each of the non-cantrips once using this trait before a long rest. Wisdom is your spellcasting ability for these spells.
Languages. You speak Common and Feytongue.
Fey Blood. You are from one of three subraces of Peroxxi- choose Gold, Silver, or Chromatic.

Gold Peroxxi
Born from Seelie fey, gold Peroxxi are known to be crafty, sly, and alluring. Their skin ranges from a light bronze/copper to a bright, vivid gold. Their hair is any warm color, but usually a chestnut brown. They seem to have a knack for getting people to do what they say...
Beguiling Charm. Gold Peroxxi can talk the bark off a tree. Your Charisma increases by 1.
Fey Allure. Once before a long rest, you can make a Deception check against a humanoid target’s Insight check. If they fail, you charm them for a number of minutes equal to your Charisma modifier (minimum of 30 seconds).

Silver Peroxxi
Born from the Unseelie fey, the Silver Peroxxi are more reserved and calm. They don’t quickly leap into situations, and are heavily plan and strategy oriented. Their skin (most prone to having lizard scales) is anywhere from a silver to a metallic cobalt blue, and their hair is similarly colored.
Calm focus. The silver Peroxi are known for their level-headedness and keen minds. A silver Peroxxi’s Intelligence increases by 1.
Acquired Skills. You learn one language, tool, or weapon proficiency of your choice.
Keen Interest. You gain proficiency in either Arcana, History, Investigation, or Perception.

Chromatic Peroxxi
Chromatic Peroxxi are extroverted, hyper, and eccentric. They are the most prone to throwing wild parties and ‘going where the moment takes them’. They have diverse heritages: no two non-related chromatic Peroxxi have the same blend of ancestry. Their skin and hair are bright, flashy colors (red, lime green, blue, ect.), and nearly always match.
Twitchy. Chromatic Peroxxi never stay in one place for too long, and are known to bounce around. A chromatic Peroxxi increases their Dexterity by 1.
Mixed Blood. Your unclear bloodline has granted you some resistance to a type of damage. Choose a type of damage that is not bludgeoning, piercing, or slashing. You gain resistance to that type of damage.

[SunderedWorldDM]

This might be it for now, but here's the Vengeful Arcanist, a rogue subclass designed for those with so much angst they literally break reality enough to have magic.

Vengeful Arcanist
Also known as a Rage Mage, these roguish spellcasters use their inner turmoil to warp reality to create spell-like effects and can even burn themselves out to increase the power of their spells. For all following effects, it is possible (in some cases likely) that you will kill your own character, so be warned- this archetype is built around high-risk, high-reward and ‘if I go down, you go down with me’ ideas.
SPELLCASTING
You can pull your anger from within to cast spells. See the Player’s Handbook Arcane Trickster archetype, except your spellcasting ability is Charisma instead of Intelligence, and that you choose your spells from the Sorcerer list instead of the Wizard spell list. The spell slots and spells per level do not change. You are not required to take spells from any specific school- you are free to choose from the whole Sorcerer list.
RAGE TWIST
Your rage causes magic to warp around you. Within 20 feet of you, all spells cast by others roll on the Wild Magic table. Every time you cast a spell, roll a d20. On a 20, you roll on the Wild Magic table as well.
EXHAUSTIVE CHANNELING
You can wear out your body to pour pure anger into your magic, making it more powerful. At 6th level, as a bonus action, you can induce as many levels of exhaustion on yourself as you choose. For every level, you increase the level of every slot you expend by the levels of exhaustion you induced on yourself for as many turns as the number of levels you induced. (That sounds complicated, so I’ll break it down in the example.) If you cast a spell that increases damage dice if you are at certain levels, also add the induced exhaustion to your effective level. You can kill yourself with this ability.

Example: Razh Al-Jymn induces one level of exhaustion on himself. For the rest of his turn, every slot he expends is worth one more level. If he cast Burning Hands with a 1st level slot, he would still expend the 1st level slot, but it dealt damage as if it were cast by a 2nd level slot. He now has disadvantage on all ability and skill checks, due to his level of exhaustion.

His next turn, he gives himself two levels of exhaustion, for a total of 3. He casts Fire Bolt. Since he was 5th level before he cast it, he is now effectively 7th level, and he deals 2d10 damage with it. His next turn, he makes a dagger attack. Since he now has three levels of exhaustion total, he had disadvantage on the roll.

If he casts a spell on his next turn, he does not get the bonus, because he induced two levels at that time and therefore gets two turns of increased spell power.
RAGE FOCUS
You can focus your anger towards one opponent in battle. At 10th level, while in combat, you can choose one hostile creature as a bonus action. Until you or the creature dies, the following effects occur:
-You have advantage on spell attack rolls and melee attack rolls against them
-You can deal Sneak Attack damage to them with spells (normal sneak attack requirements apply)
-They have advantage on all attack rolls against you
-The DC for concentration are half damage or 15 from that creature’s damage
-You have disadvantage on all save effects from the creature
PSYCHIC BURNOUT
You can inflict mental anguish upon yourself to increase your own spellcasting potency. At 14th level, after you hit with a damage-dealing instantaneous spell, you can deal yourself any number of hit dice worth psychic damage. You then can roll the same amount of dice to add to your damage for the spell. The hit dice you used are considered used as normal.

Alright! PEACH away!

[JNAProductions]

Truesight 60' (at LEAST) at level 1?

Look at Warlocks. See how many invocations it takes for them to get almost true sight.

Reconsider that feature.

[SunderedWorldDM]

Truesight 60' (at LEAST) at level 1?

Look at Warlocks. See how many invocations it takes for them to get almost true sight.

Reconsider that feature.

I see where you're coming from. I don't know if I want to alter it to heavily, as the theme of 'seeing past the veil with the help of the darkness' is one that I think I like, I've altered the wording so that you can only use the Truesight while using Darkvision. In parties with no humans/everyone has darkvision, this would get a bit out of hand. But one human in your party and the utility plummets.

Either that, or how else could you mechanically describe having supernatural perception while using Darkvision? Honestly open to ideas.

[Icecaster]

Stars
A Cleric domain
As far as theme goes, very cool. The best homebrew can be used with many kinds of characters (as opposed to very specific homebrew for one kind of character), and this goes under that category. Many astronomy/star/celestial deities out there in all kinds of settings.

Domain Spells
Good overall, defines a certain playstyle for the cleric while offering options that are thematic, useful, and balanced. My only critique would be that ice knife feels a little off. Ice knife is summoning some ice and throwing it, and overall the ice portion seems a little tacked on. Vacuum gives you resistance to cold damage, which is thematic, but none of the other domain spells deal cold damage, and none of the spells on the cleric spell list deal cold damage either (I think). I would suggest color spray or faerie fire as replacements, just as glance-at-the-book ideas.

Protection
Nitpick alert. Most subclasses call these just Bonus Proficiency. Does it really matter? No, but heads up.

Lunar Sight
Extra darkvision is cool. Personally, I think truesight is okay at 1st level, but I would associate some kind of cost with it, like a spell slot for a minute, or use up to Wis mod times, mainly because somebody like a rogue (who doesn't like invisible people) can dip exactly one level into cleric and grab truesight as much as it matters. Giving it a cost, especially one associated with cleric stuff, would discourage that. Besides that, I'm a little confused on what "actively using your darkvision" means. Does that mean while in darkness? Dim light or darkness? Looking at things in dim light or darkness? It would be a good idea to be just a little more clear with that wording, as that can change how I, as a player considering the subclass or a DM considering allowing the homebrew, interpret the balance of the feature.

Stellar Blast
Looks good to me. No critiques here at all. It's cool, to boot.

Vacuum
That's three resistances, which is a lot. Uncommon resistances, granted, but still three. It feels a little above the curve for 6th level, especially since the other parts of the class have been very solid so far. I suggest the removal of one of the resistances. I would probably also specify Strength saving throws for the not being prone/moved bit; I'm big on clarity, if you couldn't tell.

Cast Your Gaze to the Heavens
So, every official cleric subclass either gets Potent Spellcasting or Divine Strike at 8th level. All of them that I can find. I would highly recommend one of the two instead of this feature. It is interesting, but it goes against the traditional progression, which mainly would put a damper on the amount of damage this subclass could do because it loses out on bonuses to its main sources of damage: cantrips or weapons. As for which, it's really up to you. Life domain has divine strike but no martial proficiency, but I can see potent spellcasting being an option. Whichever you want the playstyle to be for the subclass.

Might of the Constellation
Very good. It's 17th level, so it's not as important as other features (most people won't be using it at all) that it be perfectly balanced. I would restrict it a little, though. Probably to choice of either Str or Con, given the "Might."

Overall
I said it once, I'll say it again. I like this subclass a lot. Given some tweaking, I would happily allow this at my table.



Another: a feytouched race called the Peroxxi!
Oh boy, this is cool.

Main Features
I like the increase to Wisdom, it feels appropriate to the fey (and if any race really deserves the only +2 Wis, it's probably this). Skills and spells are cool, useful, and thematic, allowing for more ways to bring racial background into gameplay. BUT, giving the choice between all ranged weapons or a skill is a bit of a no-brainer. If you don't have proficiency and aren't a spellcaster, you'd take it, while if you do have proficiency or are a spellcaster, you'd take a skill (and some spellcasters would even still take ranged proficiency for antimagic/dead magic zones). I would suggest removing the ranged weapons from Natural Skills, and creating another feature, similar to the elven weapon training, and simply give the Peroxxi proficiency with a couple ranged weapons automatically, like shortbow, longbow, and blowgun, for instance. Also, I would replace Feytongue with Sylvan. That's the norm for the fey language for fey creatures in the book that I found.

Gold
Charming without magic or letting the target know they've been charmed are hard to come by, which suddenly makes this a very appealing option to party faces. It's charming without consequences: awesome! Probably worthy of being the only feature gold gets, and the main features give plenty of flavor for gold to ride off of.

Silver
Interesting contrast to the others. Mechanics look fine to me.

Chromatic
Resistance is interesting, and I like how the mechanic mixes with and even adds to the fluff. No problems here.

Overall
I like the race a lot. I like the references to Seelie and Unseelie. Besides the ranged weapon thing, I would definitely allow this at my table. Very nice work, thank you for sharing!

[SunderedWorldDM]

Thank you for the kind words! I really appreciate it.


As far as theme goes, very cool. The best homebrew can be used with many kinds of characters (as opposed to very specific homebrew for one kind of character), and this goes under that category. Many astronomy/star/celestial deities out there in all kinds of settings.

Domain Spells
Good overall, defines a certain playstyle for the cleric while offering options that are thematic, useful, and balanced. My only critique would be that ice knife feels a little off. Ice knife is summoning some ice and throwing it, and overall the ice portion seems a little tacked on. Vacuum gives you resistance to cold damage, which is thematic, but none of the other domain spells deal cold damage, and none of the spells on the cleric spell list deal cold damage either (I think). I would suggest color spray or faerie fire as replacements, just as glance-at-the-book ideas.
Out of those two, I think faerie fire is better. I'll change that as soon as possible!



Protection
Nitpick alert. Most subclasses call these just Bonus Proficiency. Does it really matter? No, but heads up.
Eh, when I made this I was too lazy to go back and look for what the other subclasses called it. I might change it...



Lunar Sight
Extra darkvision is cool. Personally, I think truesight is okay at 1st level, but I would associate some kind of cost with it, like a spell slot for a minute, or use up to Wis mod times, mainly because somebody like a rogue (who doesn't like invisible people) can dip exactly one level into cleric and grab truesight as much as it matters. Giving it a cost, especially one associated with cleric stuff, would discourage that. Besides that, I'm a little confused on what "actively using your darkvision" means. Does that mean while in darkness? Dim light or darkness? Looking at things in dim light or darkness? It would be a good idea to be just a little more clear with that wording, as that can change how I, as a player considering the subclass or a DM considering allowing the homebrew, interpret the balance of the feature.

The intention was that when you were looking at something in dim light or darkness (using your darkvision), you would also have Truesight. But I see the issue here. I'll alter the wording and try and make it a little more limited.



Stellar Blast
Looks good to me. No critiques here at all. It's cool, to boot.
Aww, thanks!



Vacuum
That's three resistances, which is a lot. Uncommon resistances, granted, but still three. It feels a little above the curve for 6th level, especially since the other parts of the class have been very solid so far. I suggest the removal of one of the resistances. I would probably also specify Strength saving throws for the not being prone/moved bit; I'm big on clarity, if you couldn't tell.
Alright, I'll take one out. And yes, thank you for the clarity help. Better too clear than not clear enough!



Cast Your Gaze to the Heavens
So, every official cleric subclass either gets Potent Spellcasting or Divine Strike at 8th level. All of them that I can find. I would highly recommend one of the two instead of this feature. It is interesting, but it goes against the traditional progression, which mainly would put a damper on the amount of damage this subclass could do because it loses out on bonuses to its main sources of damage: cantrips or weapons. As for which, it's really up to you. Life domain has divine strike but no martial proficiency, but I can see potent spellcasting being an option. Whichever you want the playstyle to be for the subclass.
I think potent would work better, but I really like this ability, so I might figure out some way to incorporate it into something else...



Might of the Constellation
Very good. It's 17th level, so it's not as important as other features (most people won't be using it at all) that it be perfectly balanced. I would restrict it a little, though. Probably to choice of either Str or Con, given the "Might."
I feel like one could emphasize any ability score with this- one could be especially cunning, or quick, or charming and still be 'mighty'. I just omitted Wisdom to avoid making these clerics just rampantly better than others. Maybe increase your highest non-Wis? Or the opposite, lowest?


Overall
I said it once, I'll say it again. I like this subclass a lot. Given some tweaking, I would happily allow this at my table.
Thanks! I really appreciate it. I'm trying to get better at homebrewing and game design, and this response really encourages me to do more!


Oh boy, this is cool.
I think so too...



Main Features
I like the increase to Wisdom, it feels appropriate to the fey (and if any race really deserves the only +2 Wis, it's probably this). Skills and spells are cool, useful, and thematic, allowing for more ways to bring racial background into gameplay. BUT, giving the choice between all ranged weapons or a skill is a bit of a no-brainer. If you don't have proficiency and aren't a spellcaster, you'd take it, while if you do have proficiency or are a spellcaster, you'd take a skill (and some spellcasters would even still take ranged proficiency for antimagic/dead magic zones). I would suggest removing the ranged weapons from Natural Skills, and creating another feature, similar to the elven weapon training, and simply give the Peroxxi proficiency with a couple ranged weapons automatically, like shortbow, longbow, and blowgun, for instance. Also, I would replace Feytongue with Sylvan. That's the norm for the fey language for fey creatures in the book that I found.
I appreciate the critique. I like having the ranged weapons as an option to allow characters who normally wouldn't be shooting a longbow to do so, and I feel like that's more of a feature than a flaw. So I think I'll keep it as-is, but thank you for pointing it out, I appreciate your eye for detail!

And I built this for my world, in which Sylvan is now called Feytounge because I hate having to figure out how to write/spell Sylvan every time. Change it back in your own games if you want to.



Gold
Charming without magic or letting the target know they've been charmed are hard to come by, which suddenly makes this a very appealing option to party faces. It's charming without consequences: awesome! Probably worthy of being the only feature gold gets, and the main features give plenty of flavor for gold to ride off of.
Indeed. I feel it works as it is.


Silver
Interesting contrast to the others. Mechanics look fine to me.
I think so too. I haven't had a player play a Silver yet, but I know I would if given the opportunity.



Chromatic
Resistance is interesting, and I like how the mechanic mixes with and even adds to the fluff. No problems here.
Thanks!


Overall
I like the race a lot. I like the references to Seelie and Unseelie. Besides the ranged weapon thing, I would definitely allow this at my table. Very nice work, thank you for sharing!
Thank you for your kind words! Sadly, I think I'll keep the ranged weapons, as the players I like to play with are less about breaking the game and making their characters ne plus ultra than they are focused om character and story, so any minor imbalances that occur I'm fine with at my table. If you think it's a real dealbreaker, I'll consider changing it.

Thanks a lot! I appreciate it, and will get the Star domain fixed up ASAP.

[Icecaster]

I think potent would work better, but I really like this ability, so I might figure out some way to incorporate it into something else...
That's a good idea, I like the ability too.


I feel like one could emphasize any ability score with this- one could be especially cunning, or quick, or charming and still be 'mighty'. I just omitted Wisdom to avoid making these clerics just rampantly better than others. Maybe increase your highest non-Wis? Or the opposite, lowest?


Nah, I think the choice factor is key with this if you're going that route. I'd keep it as-is in that case instead of highest/lowest besides Wis


I appreciate the critique. I like having the ranged weapons as an option to allow characters who normally wouldn't be shooting a longbow to do so, and I feel like that's more of a feature than a flaw. So I think I'll keep it as-is, but thank you for pointing it out, I appreciate your eye for detail!
I respect that.


Thank you for your kind words! Sadly, I think I'll keep the ranged weapons, as the players I like to play with are less about breaking the game and making their characters ne plus ultra than they are focused om character and story, so any minor imbalances that occur I'm fine with at my table. If you think it's a real dealbreaker, I'll consider changing it.
Haha, no worries :smallbiggrin: Everything is only a suggestion, plus each table has its needs, and you certainly know yours better than I do.


Thanks a lot! I appreciate it, and will get the Star domain fixed up ASAP.
My pleasure, I look forward to seeing a finished version!

[SunderedWorldDM]

Alright, I think I've altered Stars and Peroxxi to completion. Anyone have any qualms with Vengeful Arcanist? It's a lot, I know, and probably grievously unbalanced to boot...

[SunderedWorldDM]

Sun Elves
Hailing from the fields of Valhalla, Sun Elves have started to return to the Prime Material after they fled there during the Godswars. Sun Elves are rare in the world, but not unheard of, and multiple clans have set themselves up around Aeros. The Sun Elves group themselves into ‘clans’- large groups of elf families that follow rigid traditions. To go against the clan is to be exiled out into the larger world and be shunned by all Sun Elves, marked for your disobedience by a large black dot on your forehead.

Clans are central to Sun Elf lives and thoughts. A clan is the most important thing to a Sun Elf, and they would happily give their lives to ensure the survival of a clan. Most clans have some identifying feature, usually a tattoo, birthmark, or even a scar given to its members. Each clan has a purpose, or a destiny, called a ‘Shaal-Al’Quiir’ by the elves. The clan name usually has something to do with its Shaal-Al’Quiir. Be it to study magical secrets, craft beautiful works of art, or to slay a certain beast, a clan is relentless in their pursuits.

When making a Sun Elf, think about your character’s clan and their relation to it. Do they take up their Shaal-Al’Quiir with zeal? Do they chafe at the responsibilities required and the restrictions in place? Is it why they go adventuring? Are they a marked exile from their clan? And what is your clan’s Shaal-Al’Quiir?

Clan names: Sunmeadow, Spearkiller, Fountainbringer, Glassbearer, Blackshadow, Opalseer

Ability Score Increase. Your Strength score increases by 1.

Clan Talents. You gain proficiency in one type of artisan tool or weapon.

Valhallan magic. You can channel the ambient divine nature of your home plane. You know one Cleric cantrip of your choice. Once you reach 2nd level, you can cast Command as a 2nd-level spell once using this feature. Once you reach 5th level, you can cast Lesser Restoration once with this feature. You regain the ability to cast spells with this trait after a long rest. Wisdom is your spellcasting ability for these spells.

Sea Dwarves
The dwarves have always been partial to being below the ground, surrounded by rock and stone. So when a group of dwarves decided to uproot themselves onto the surface world- and onto the ocean, no doubt- it was sort of a big deal. Some ‘traditional’ underground dwarves still chastise and look down on Sea Dwarves today.

Sea Dwarves are the descendants of that group of dwarves who made their way onto the high seas during the Age of Kings. They’re the rarest subrace of dwarves, and, according to popular opinion, the ‘least pure’ variety of dwarves. They’re most commonly found in grimy pubs at port-towns, but can be found just about anywhere near water. They’re typically boisterous, gregarious, and adventurous.

Ability Score Increase. Your Dexterity increases by 1.

Waterborn. You have trained extensively in nautical craft and swimming. You have proficiency in water vehicles and have a swimming speed of 15 feet. In addition, you can hold your breath for twice the normal time before you have to start making saving throws.

Port-talk. You gain proficiency in Persuasion, Intimidation, or one language of your choice.