Thematic terrible builds

[Falcon X]

I'm looking for builds that are thematically beautiful, but practically almost useless for their levels. Any level or class will do. Playtesting material fine. You can present a concept, or fully fleshed out stats like I'm doing. Just mining for ideas here.


My first entry:
Fire Lord Fimmy - Fimmy is a 12-year old boy. He was hanging out on the playground one day when a balor (under Pazuzu) approached him and offered him a cigarette, which Fimmy thought was hella cool. The balor then offered him wicked fore powers if Fimmy would sign a contract.
Fimmy believes he loyally follows The Great Fire God. All his spells must be fire related. He was gifted a bag of holding full of cigarettes and must smoke them constantly as worship to his god. Theory is that if he stops smoking, he will get cancer and die.
Personality is basically Holden Caulfield with the voice of Strongsad.
Specialties: Shooting Fire from long range, being able to be kicked really hard, and running away.

Variant Human
Background: Folk Hero
Wild Magic Sorcerer 11/4 Elements Monk 3
Str: 10 Dex:14 Con: 18 Int: 8 Wis: 13 Cha: 13
HP: 145
Feats: Tough, Spell Sniper (Produce Flame)
Skills: Survival, Animal Handling, Deception, Persuasion, Intimidation
Metamagic: Distant Spell, Subtle Spell, Extended Spell
Elemental Disciplines: Elemental Attunement, Fangs of the Fire Snake
Cantrips: Blade Ward, True Strike, Friends, Create Bonfire, Control Flames, Fire Bolt
Spells: Burning Hands, Chromatic Orb, Aganazzar's Scorcher, Dragon's Breath, Pyrotechnics, Scorching Ray, Fireball, Flame Arrows, Melf's Minute Meteors, Wall of Fire, Immolation, Investature of Flame

Why he is terrible: He has no useful abilities that aren't attacking with fire and doesn't even have Elemental Adept. He also attacks at long range and has 40' move to run from battle quickly like the pansy he is. Also, the constant cigarettes can give a hiding team away.

[ImproperJustice]

If you do a search, there was a pretty good thread from some time ago about a guy on a quest to be the most useless wizard ever.
Took the worst spells each level anyone could find.

The humerous part, was that he ended up being the Lord of niche magic.

[Falcon X]

Freckles the Frog - Mobile Paladin
Freckles is a good guy. He can see the good in the darkest of others and has a knack for showing it to them. He left his village for adventure. He has no concept of personal wealth, viewing trinkets as great rewards.

Background: Outlander
Race: Grippli (Using derived stats of Grungs from ToA)
Oath of Redemption Paladin 7/Archfey Bladelock 9
Str:8 Dex:16 Con:16 Int:10 Wis:12 Cha:13
5 Invocations: Otherworldly Leap, Trickster’s Escape, Improved Pact Weapon, Eyes of the Rune Keeper, Mire of the Mind
Feats: Mobility, Charger, Athlete
Spells Known: Banishment, Dimension Door, Counterspell, Magic Circle, Remove Curse, Tongues, Spider Climb, Misty Step, Armor of Agathys, Expiditious Retreat

Why it's terrible: The concept can be alright, but the execution is flawed and can't stand up to other characters of his level. He has speed without strength. The only thing he really does well is make friends and hamper enemies.

[ImproperJustice]

Captain Locomotion!

Level 1Artificer / Level 9 Scout / Monk?
Variant Human with Mobile and Athlete.

Uses Swift Step Draught, and Longstrider for 30’ Move bonus, then adds superior mobility and cunning action to run as fast as possible around the battlefield.

[HappyDaze]

Freckles the Frog - Mobile Paladin
Freckles is a good guy. He can see the good in the darkest of others and has a knack for showing it to them. He left his village for adventure. He has no concept of personal wealth, viewing trinkets as great rewards.

Background: Outlander
Race: Grippli (Using derived stats of Grungs from ToA)
Oath of Redemption Paladin 7/Archfey Bladelock 9
Str:8 Dex:16 Con:16 Int:10 Wis:12 Cha:13
5 Invocations: Otherworldly Leap, Trickster’s Escape, Improved Pact Weapon, Eyes of the Rune Keeper, Mire of the Mind
Feats: Mobility, Charger, Athlete
Spells Known: Banishment, Dimension Door, Counterspell, Magic Circle, Remove Curse, Tongues, Spider Climb, Misty Step, Armor of Agathys, Expiditious Retreat

Why it's terrible: The concept can be alright, but the execution is flawed and can't stand up to other characters of his level. He has speed without strength. The only thing he really does well is make friends and hamper enemies.
You can't be a multi-classed Paladin with a Strength < 13, so it's more than a "flawed execution."

But what is the point of intentionally making bad characters? If you were making good characters to a theme but the rules unintentionally gimped them, that might be interesting. But this? Not so much.

[Falcon X]

You can't be a multi-classed Paladin with a Strength < 13, so it's more than a "flawed execution."

But what is the point of intentionally making bad characters? If you were making good characters to a theme but the rules unintentionally gimped them, that might be interesting. But this? Not so much.
(Str change noted. Will revise)
Fair enough. Intentionally bad execution wasn’t what I wanted to go for and I could have done this better.

Freckles ended up being bad for 3 reasons:
1. I wanted Otherworldly Leap for frog-flavor
2. He wants to focus on ending or avoiding fights before they start
3. He tries to make up for his weaknesses, like taking Tongues and the Read-Anything invocation to make up for his illiterate upbringing

What I meant was, it is a flawed Mobility Paladin, but the choices logicallyfollow his unique theme.