Silly Magic Items?

[Faeelin]

Hey,

I'm DMing my first campaign, and I've noticed that players like silly yet not neccessarily useless magic items. Any ideas for what I could choose?

Why the Belt of Gender Change is an obvious one, I'd appreciate any other ideas people have.

[Fax Celestis]

Robe of blending
There are five buttons on the collar, and there looks like there used to be embroidered text underneath. Unfortunately, the embroidery is frayed, so one can only read "Off," "-len-", "-hop", "Fra-", and "Liqu-".

The first button, labeled "Off", appears to not function.

The second button, labeled "-len-", causes a number of blades to spring out of the inside of the robe and start spinning. These blades deal 2d4+2 points of slashing damage each round.

The third, labeled "-hop", causes more blades to spring forth, dealing 4d6+4 points of slashing damage per round.

The fourth, labeled "Fra-", causes more blades to spring forth, dealing 10d12+10 points of slashing damage per round.

The fifth, labeled "Liqu-", causes more blades to spring forth, dealing 15d20+15 points of slashing damage per round.

The cloak will not deactivate until removed, and it locks itself in place around the character's neck. Removing the cloak when it is activated requires a DC 23 Strength check or a DC 25 Escape Artist check.

Moderate evocation; CL 11th; Craft Wondrous Item, blade barrier; Price 132,000 gp.

[goat]

Can you put it on dead bodies and make soup with a sufficient profession(chef) check?

[Vrel]

fax, that is the most hilarious cloak ever. Imagine taking on a mission to assassinate a high profile member of society.. present him with the cloak as a gift and leave in a hurry.

[Rockphed]

If that weren't an obviously cursed item, but instead dealt damage to people around the wearer, it would be really cool. Ooooh oooh! You deal that much damage each turn during a grapple. Take that PPDC! Your insane grapple checks will not save you!

[Fax Celestis]

Take that PPDC!

I love how the PPDC is now common tongue.

Like the Ikea Tarrasque.

[slexlollar89]

Gavel of Authoritae:

ths small wooden gavel is similar to the little hammer a judge commands order with. When struk on a solid horizontle surface such as a table or plank, it emits a thunderous niose and forces nearby creatures to liten to you. The Gavel confers a +5 ompetence bonus to sense motive and diplomacy checks. When struck as noted, the Gavel emits a 30ft burst of 2d6 sonic damage to all hostile creatures. Additionally, all creatues in th burst area must make a will save(DC: 20) or be affected by a fascinate spell, but the thing with which thy are fascinated with is the weilder of the Gavel.

The Gavel itself is treated as a light weapon, dealing 1d4 damage with a x4 critical multiplier. It is an exotic weapon, but one can use the magical abilities of the Gavel, without being proficient with it.

[Altair_the_Vexed]

Hat of Gaudiness
The fabled Hat of Gaudiness was created aeons ago by Andibellius, the High Priest of Amor. In appearance, the Hat is a skullcap of lurid pink silk, on which ancient sygils and runes are embroidered in crimson. When donned, however, the Hat instantly tranforms into an apparantly expensive, vibrant and elaborate piece of headgear that somehow matches the approximate theme of the wearer's outfit, thus giving a +5 clothing bonus to Diplomacy checks.
For example, a fighter in blue steel halfplate armour would find that the Hat had become a tall purple plumed and horned helm of blue metal, studded with sapphires and glittering diamante.
Whatever form the Hat takes, it is flamboyant and ostentacious, offers no protection bonuses, but confers a -10 penalty to Intimidate and Hide checks.
Crunchy stuff: I didn't bother doing this properly - I mean, come on!

I made up a whole bunch back in the sillier days of playing through the night till I was so fatigued yet wired on caffeine, I was hallucinating...

[Vrel]

I am kind of a newbie... but what is PPDC?

[Fax Celestis]

I am kind of a newbie... but what is PPDC?

This is the PPDC.

[Vrel]

i was JUST reading that thread... interestingly enough.

[Citizen Joe]

We were doing that robe of blending gag back in first edition.:smallamused:

Another common one in these threads is the artefact: Ring of extra ring slot. By wearing it, it enables you to wear an extra ring. Wearing it takes up a ring slot though. Because it is an artefact, it won't detect as magical.

[slexlollar89]

Vampire Stake:

The vampire Stake is a +3 silver, holy, sacred burst stake (1d4 x5 crit, simple weapon). However, upon these abilities only function against vampires or creatures that are related to them (spawn, half vamp etc.). After killing a vampire, the stake gains 1 charge which lasts 24 hours. In that time, a single charge may be used to create a single steak, large enough to feed a single person. Multiple charges create more steak(s). the number of charges used is proportional to the number of people a created steak can feed. The steaks are cooked according to the desire of the weilder, and never carry disease, indeed the steaks restore all ability or level drain suffered, and even cure nonmagical diseases.

There is a 1% chance that eating such steaks inflicts the eater with vampire-ism.

[Runolfr]

Ahh... the Palladium Role-Playing Game (book 2) had a section on faerie foods that was high-larry-us. Basically, it's a bunch of puns turned into minor magical effects. The effects generally wear off within a few hours, and they have no ill effects on Fey creatures. I remember a few, and can make up others pretty easily.

Green beans: turn the person who eats them green.

Peanuts: overwhelming urge to empty the bladder.

Cheesecake: males become exceptionally lusty, while females acquire a glamor that makes them far more attractive. -2/+2 on Cha-based checks involved anyone of the opposite sex.

Beefcake: same as Cheesecake, only the sex roles are reversed.

Elderberry wine: gives a huge buzz and turns the drinker's hair white

Sparkling wine: huge buzz and outlines the drinker with sparkling lights (equivalent to faerie fire)

etc, etc,...

[Starsinger]

Ahh... the Palladium Role-Playing Game (book 2) had a section on faerie foods that was high-larry-us. Basically, it's a bunch of puns turned into minor magical effects. The effects generally wear off within a few hours, and they have no ill effects on Fey creatures. I remember a few, and can make up others pretty easily.

Green beans: turn the person who eats them green.

Peanuts: overwhelming urge to empty the bladder.

Cheesecake: males become exceptionally lusty, while females acquire a glamor that makes them far more attractive. -2/+2 on Cha-based checks involved anyone of the opposite sex.

Beefcake: same as Cheesecake, only the sex roles are reversed.

Elderberry wine: gives a huge buzz and turns the drinker's hair white

Sparkling wine: huge buzz and outlines the drinker with sparkling lights (equivalent to faerie fire)

etc, etc,...

Cinnamon Sticks: You can breathe fire!

Ahh... I love Faerie food!

[BRC]

Cloak Of Billowing: This cloak creates a magical wind that originates from the wearers back, this wind affects nothing but the cloak, and no wind except this wind can effect the cloak.

Invlunerable Ring: This is a ring of pure invulnerablity, it cannot be harmed. It provides perfect protection to the portion of the finger it covers.

Returning Boomarang of +5 redundancy.

[Grug]

The Head of Harry

Harry was a 25 time winner of the Mr. Constitution Universe competition, something that made his competitors very jealous. One night, they bound Harry up and after 6 hours with a saw managed to behead him. However, as the head lay forgotten noone realized that Harry was still alive, using is ludicrous constitutions to pump blood and resparate only with his facial muscles.

Harry keeps all of his mental faculties and the ability to speak. He is always cheerful, as well as being almost completely indestructable. In fact, only a coup de grace that does 100 points of damage has a 2% chance of dealing 1 hp of damage to Harry. Adventurers who find his head often use him to set off traps or bar doors, or occasionally play a game of soccer (or Football, as you limeys like to say).

[Starsinger]

The Head of Harry

Ahh.. reminds me of the delightful Head of Vecna.

[Crazy_Uncle_Doug]

One I remember from a campaign in college as we gathered on his Magic Carpet.

"Shh. No talking!"
"What? Why?"
"So we can fly on my magic carpet."
"Why is talking a problem?"
"It goes without saying."

So indeed, we all had to remain dead silent as we rode his magic carpet.

[Saph]

My favourite was always the Coin of Partial Divination.

It looks like an ordinary gold coin. One side reads "Yes", the other reads "No."

If you flip it, it will answer with perfect accuracy any yes/no question that you choose to ask it. Unfortunately, this ability only functions 50% of the time.

Oddly, it doesn't detect as magical.

- Saph

[Fax Celestis]

One I remember from a campaign in college as we gathered on his Magic Carpet.

"Shh. No talking!"
"What? Why?"
"So we can fly on my magic carpet."
"Why is talking a problem?"
"It goes without saying."

So indeed, we all had to remain dead silent as we rode his magic carpet.

You, sir, owe me a new monitor. This one is covered in coffee.

[horseboy]

"Hey Bartender"

"Hey Bartender" is actually a cantrip that can be cast by any person. By waving your hand in the air and shouting "Hey Bartender" a well stocked bar and bartender are summoned to wherever you are. You can order anything you like from the bar, but you always get flat, warm beer.

[Crazy_Uncle_Doug]

You, sir, owe me a new monitor. This one is covered in coffee.

Well, alright. But I'm including a "Ring of Protection From Spit-Takes" along with it.

[Kurald Galain]

Ring of Three.

This magical ring allows you to wear an additional magical ring to full effect.

[Crazy_Uncle_Doug]

Ring of Three.

This magical ring allows you to wear an additional magical ring to full effect.

Oh lordy, that one is absolutely hilarious!

[Lord Tataraus]

Well I once gave the party a handful of such items, though one item of note that was actually very useful was:

The Wand of the Benevolent Berserker!!!
Basically it was an eternal wand (2/day use) that summoned Steve the Beserker. While I didn't fully stat him out he was a human Barbarian 8 with a permanency Enlarge Person, wielding a Huge Greataxe (w/Monkey Grip) his ability scores were: Str 24 Dex 12 Con 20 Int 26 Wis 14 Cha 28. He had a British Butler tone and accent and a true CG. I loved Steve. (and yes, I know those are really high stats, but he is a magically summoned being, but he had a +23 to intimidate!)

[Shas aia Toriia]

I like the ones with the puns. Particularly the flying carpet and the coin of partial divination.

[Mr. Moogle]

Is anyone forgetting the esteemed Cloak of Billowing?

[Mojo_Rat]

The one I always liked was the robe of Useless items.

The 25th century death ray gun with 100% accuracy and instant death but no batteries made me Snicker.

However We invented the Wig of Rock attraction one night at about 4 am. Essentially youc an attend your own Stoning. And it's variant the Wig of Roc attraction.

Really it was funny at 4 am :P

[daggaz]

Weird... I cant seem to figure out the flying carpet pun.

[BRC]

Is anyone forgetting the esteemed Cloak of Billowing?

Already posted it.

[Crow T. Robot]

There was one that a friend of mine liked to have around. It was the club of friendship or some such. Basically it did 2d6 positive energy damage when you hit someone. There for it healed alive people, hopefully more then the damage they took.

"Medic!"

<Thud!>

"Thank you!"

The Thin Chocolate Wafer was a good one from an old GURPS magic item book. It basically did more damage than hand grenade if you made a (heavily penalized) health roll after you ate it. And in a system that people have 10 hp on average, this is not good.
If you failed, then your body explodes dealing damage to those next to you. And you are very dead afterwards.

And one from In Nomine was the 40 slices of government cheese. They instill hatred and repulsion in those who encounter it.

[Kurald Galain]

Phisolopher's Snote

This lokos like an ornidary stone, btu it has the pwoer to turn lead into glod.


(those who don't get it should read more Pratchett books...)

[Hecore]

Weird... I cant seem to figure out the flying carpet pun.

The pun was "It goes without saying.", hence they couldn't talk.

[Shas aia Toriia]

Along with the Philosipher's Snote. . .

The Amateur's Stone

Instantly turns Gold into lead if you break it open. In fact, if you mix this with any potion, the drinker instantly dies (no saving throw).

[Ashtar]

Snoring Log: A short wooden log. When left unattended, will start to emit a constant loud snore.

My players had fun with that one.

[TheOOB]

Really Cool Looking Shades

These shades look really cool, they are so awesome that they give you a +4 awesome bonus of all diplomacy and bluff checks. In addition if you tilt your head down at the right angle the light glare will make the lenses almost entirely opaque, giving you a +4 bad-ass bonus to intimidate checks. This effect works even if there isn't the correct lighting to create such glare.

[Riffington]

Shirt of Deception
A mithril chain shirt +1 that can change appearance to any article of clothing. It is intelligent, and has a +5 bluff; however, being a shirt it is unable to talk.
When the party Wizard cast Identify on it, it convinced him that it had no arcane spell failure.

[Mewtarthio]

Water of Immortality

This is a rare and powerful potion said to fight off death itself. The drinker of this water is capable of casting true resurrection as an at-will SLA, albeit with a range of "Personal." (NOTE: Outsiders and Undead cannot benefit from this potion).

[martyboy74]

Water of Immortality

This is a rare and powerful potion said to fight off death itself. The drinker of this water is capable of casting true resurrection as an at-will SLA, albeit with a range of "Personal." (NOTE: Outsiders and Undead cannot benefit from this potion).

You have just granted unlimited Contingent True Ressurection. I'm going to go cry now.

[Crow T. Robot]

Chain Mail Bikini: (It was inevitable that it would be posted here) Looks like it covers almost nothing, and should offer no protection. However, it protects like a full suit of +2 (or better) chainmail. It also doesn't restrict like a full suit allowing much better mobility, beyond what mithril would offer. (Treat "suit" as being the same as Mithril Chain mail, but restricts by one less) The Bikini also offers +2 Charisma.

Macho Leathers: Appearing to be little more then a thong, it also appears to offer no realistice protection. However, it protects as a suit of half plate without most of the restrictions (Treat as mithril half plate with restrictions reduced by one further step) This also grants a +2 Charisma bonus.

[kamikasei]

You have just granted unlimited Contingent True Ressurection. I'm going to go cry now.

Did you see any mention of contingency? Think of all the uses you could make of an ability to resurrect yourself and only yourself - so long as you're alive to do it.

[Saph]

Besides, Contingency can only be paired with a spell of 6th-level or lower. True Res is level 9.

- Saph

[Telvos]

Arrows of Time Shifting

Treat them like arrows +2 for all stats.

The difference is that, when fired, once the arrow flies for 10ft, it vanishes. Within minutes (to be determined ahead of time, e.g. Arrows of Time Shifting (5 min), Arrows of Time Shifting (1h)), the arrow reappears and continues its flight as normal.

I never drew up plans to make them, just dropped them when I was DM'ing. They make great tools for assasination...uhh, assuming you can position your target properly.

[Enzario]

Call me old fashioned, but Brassieres of Controlling Fire Elementals are simply teh awesomz0rz. Comes in black leather or spandex (specify on order).

[Orzel]

The Slapstick

The +1 merciful club, upon striking a successful critical hit, emits a loud slapping sound. Anyone who hears the sound is cursed for 1 minute. Beings cursed by the sound of the slapstick are dealt damage equal to the distance they move whenever they move, receive a -4 penalty to avoid being tripped, and must make Balance checks as Perform (dance) checks.

[Green Bean]

Here's one for DMs who want to end their campaigns, but don't want it to be entirely their fault.

End of the World Button

This artifact takes the appearance of a large red button. Pushing the button immediately destroys any and all planes of existence, with no save whatsoever. The button will only function for those who are aware of the button's powers.

Give this to your party, along with the explanation. :smalltongue:

[knightsaline]

Here's one for DMs who want to end their campaigns, but don't want it to be entirely their fault.

End of the World Button

This artifact takes the appearance of a large red button. Pushing the button immediately destroys any and all planes of existence, with no save whatsoever. The button will only function for those who are aware of the button's powers.

Give this to your party, along with the explanation. :smalltongue:

What about a world reset button?

World Reset Button

This artefact takes the appearance of a large red button. Pushing the button turns the world negative for one hour. A steamroller then falls on the person who pushed the button. The only way to circumvent the steamroller falling is to say "reset.....THE WORLD!" in which case, the world is reset to exactly the way the world was right before the button was pressed. If this happens, a blue spider like construct appears and asks you 2 questions, which require an INT or WIS check of which the DC is 40 to answer. Failure to answer will result in the target falling into a coma.

[Xaros]

Call me old fashioned, but Brassieres of Controlling Fire Elementals are simply teh awesomz0rz. Comes in black leather or spandex (specify on order).

I recall a campaign in which we had an item called a Brassiere of Milk Elementals. Where did we obtain such an item? The City of Bras, of course. Unsurprisingly, that campaign ended after only three sessions.

[Kurald Galain]

Here's one for DMs who want to end their campaigns, but don't want it to be entirely their fault.

End of the World Button

Pushing it does nothing except make you feel fine (http://www.ckdhr.com/hrose/songs/its_the_end.html)...

[kamikasei]

WThe only way to circumvent the steamroller falling is to say "reset.....THE WORLD!" in which case, the world is reset to exactly the way the world was right before the button was pressed. If this happens, a blue spider like construct appears and asks you 2 questions, which require an INT or WIS check of which the DC is 40 to answer. Failure to answer will result in the target falling into a coma.

This = win

[slexlollar89]

Cane of Support (someone I once played with actually had one of these)

this walking stick is made of oak and studed with a large diamond on the top. The end is capped with an adamantine point. This cane is far from ordinary. The abilities of the cane can only be usd by someone who is in the "old" age category, and otherwise does nothing but perform as a cane. When the specified people grasp the cane by it's grip, and twisting, a spearpoint emerges from the base making the cane into a +4 collision, wounding shortspear. In addition, the cane can hold a single wand, which can be used as a free action as long as it remains in the cane. Lastly, the cane can cast the following spells: will, prestidigitation, lesser orb of acid/force, magic missile, owls wisdom; 3/day, fireball, lightning bolt, fly; 1/day, meteor swarm.

As long as the cane is in an old individuas possession, they do not age.

[Icewalker]

hehehe...robe of blending...liquefy...awesome. Ok I'll just be honest. F***ing ingenious.

This is something my brother would want to use often:

The infinite oil bottle:
When in doubt, light something on fire.

Appears as a simple bottle of oil. If opened the oil will not pour out, but if the bottle is broken on something, the oil will splatter. When this oil is burned, the bottle will reform once again full of oil.

ie, break it over someone's head, light em on fire, and put the bottle back in your pocket.



Breastplate of Secret Detection
If the wearer of this breastplate gains a piece of information that is somehow connected to the concealment of a hidden conspiracy or plot, a live and still wet trout forms on the inside of the armor.

[Crow T. Robot]

Slood: The corner stone of any intelligent civilizaion. Easier to discover than fire, and only slightly harder to discover than water.

The Luggage: Silly, yet terrifying.

Baby Oil: An aphrodisiac made from the finest mashed babies. Strangely unpopular in the upper planes. Bunch of judgemental prudes.

[Shas aia Toriia]

Coat of warmth: When this thick fur coat is put on, you gain a +4 save against the cold.
Additionally, if it is warm, you become fatigued with no save.

Cost: 100,000 :smallbiggrin:

[Remus of Rome]

1000gp a compass which will point in any direction that you want it to.

but what makes it nice is that when examined there are 10 pins in a compartment on the bottom which if the pins are embedded in non living mater then it will show up like on a radar showing what direction the item/place is (each pin can be used once)

edit: yeah we were ready to kill the guy since he spent all of our money on it until the game after the dm dropped a hint that we should examine it

[Rogue 7]

Breastplate of Secret Detection
If the wearer of this breastplate gains a piece of information that is somehow connected to the concealment of a hidden conspiracy or plot, a live and still wet trout forms on the inside of the armor.

That, my friend, is pure gold. Or maybe pure trout.

[TheOOB]

Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch

"First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it"

It had to be done.

[Eldritch_Ent]

My favorite are still these two-

Bag of Letters
This small cloth bag contains one, and only one, of every letter of the Common alphabet. These letters may be taken out and arranged in any way desired to form a word, but each letter vanishes after use, never to return. This word takes the form of the object spelled out, and functions to the user's desire. For example, If the user spell Ball, he could hold a gala dance, or play a game of soccer, or throw a ball of flames. Spelling out Victory grants an immediate win to whatever situation the speller applies it to. those sorts of things. If a word is spelled out but not used, it may be placed back in the bag to return the letters used for it. Multiple bags of letters may be combined freely.

Sadly, it seems someone somehow managed to use up all the vowels, and ONLY the vowels. (People in my group kept recieving this item, and it was implied they always recieved the same bag as the previous group recieved.)


Bag of Words
The "Big Brother" to the bag of letters, The bag of words contains every word in the common language, but only each word once. Only one bag is known to exist, and it has been used and abused over the generations- in fact, by this point it only contains the most useless and obscure words possible.

The only way known to recharge a bag of words is to use a bag of letters to spell a word, then put said word in the bag of words.

[Kurald Galain]

For example, If the user spell Ball
He can't, because he only has one L. But nice item!

[Eldritch_Ent]

He can't, because he only has one L. But nice item!

True, true, unless he stole an L from another bag of letters... But even so, there's Ton's of things you can spell with BAL! Like, Umm, LAB! And... BLA! and.... ALB? :smallconfused: Hmm... Yeah. I think I'm gonna need more letters. :smallbiggrin:

[kamikasei]

Bag of Words
The "Big Brother" to the bag of letters, The bag of words contains every word in the common language, but only each word once. Only one bag is known to exist, and it has been used and abused over the generations- in fact, by this point it only contains the most useless and obscure words possible.

If "apotheosis" isn't still in the bag that must have been an interesting point in the setting's history. If it is still in the bag, that's even more interesting.

[Kurald Galain]

If "apotheosis" isn't still in the bag that must have been an interesting point in the setting's history. If it is still in the bag, that's even more interesting.

You just know that words like "apocalypse" are still in there. How could they not be? That makes this literally the most dangerous item in existence.

[togapika]

And because it had to be done

The Easy Button
This is a large red button with the word "easy" on it. When pressed in combat the monster being fought is instantly defeated, (No save, no SR) but no XP is gained.

[Kurald Galain]

Oh, how could I forget about the Ring of Spell Turning...

when activated, the ring, in a clear and pleasant voice, spells the word "turning".

And of course there's the Invisible Ring which confers permanent invisibility upon itself...

[Hawriel]

My party once found a suit of chainmail of Disapearence +2.

[Roderick_BR]

Philosopher's stone
This iten looks like an ordinary tablet made of ordinary stone.
Close inspection reveals that several philosophical dissertations are written on it.

[Jayabalard]

Robe of blending
There are five buttons on the collar, and there looks like there used to be embroidered text underneath. Unfortunately, the embroidery is frayed, so one can only read "Off," "-len-", "-hop", "Fra-", and "Liqu-".

The first button, labeled "Off", appears to not function.

The second button, labeled "-len-", causes a number of blades to spring out of the inside of the robe and start spinning. These blades deal 2d4+2 points of slashing damage each round.

The third, labeled "-hop", causes more blades to spring forth, dealing 4d6+4 points of slashing damage per round.

The fourth, labeled "Fra-", causes more blades to spring forth, dealing 10d12+10 points of slashing damage per round.

The fifth, labeled "Liqu-", causes more blades to spring forth, dealing 15d20+15 points of slashing damage per round.

The cloak will not deactivate until removed, and it locks itself in place around the character's neck. Removing the cloak when it is activated requires a DC 23 Strength check or a DC 25 Escape Artist check.

Moderate evocation; CL 11th; Craft Wondrous Item, blade barrier; Price 132,000 gp.hmm... thus allowing the question of "will it blend (http://www.willitblend.com/)" to be answered in an in-game context.