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stewstew5
2018-12-08, 12:15 PM
My most recent character, a fiend warlock was a bit of a rush job, and although I threw together a decent lore that I easily fleshed out I feel like something's missing.

She's a plane touched human (yuan ti pureblood stats) and this is the abridged version of the backstory on her sheet:

Esien was found on the doorsteps of St. [REDACTED] orphanage. She was brought in of course, but as she aged things started to go awry. She would writhe in pain during prayer, and holy objects would fly off walls when she entered rooms. She was quickly transferred. No orphanage, holy or otherwise, would keep her for long citing more and more bewildering events. Before long there wasn't a building left that would take her and she wound up an urchin on the streets, cold and hungry. It was on one particularly cold and hungry night he appeared to her and told her everything. He was the serpent, the venemous lord father of all things that crawl on their bellies or slither through seas, and her soul was imbued with the power of his domain. He told her he took care of family, that he could clothe and feed her, and that he could give her power unimaginable if she acted as his hand upon the earth. How could she say no?


So obviously, she's super snake-themed. But I'm feeling as though the story is a little standard and could be touched up, any thoughts?

Ganymede
2018-12-08, 12:26 PM
"How could she say no?"

You could spice up the story by actually answering this rhetorical question. Why did she say yes? Would that answer be the same knowing what she now knows? Does she regret her choice? What is her current relationship with her patron?

stewstew5
2018-12-08, 03:02 PM
"How could she say no?"

You could spice up the story by actually answering this rhetorical question. Why did she say yes? Would that answer be the same knowing what she now knows? Does she regret her choice? What is her current relationship with her patron?

I set it up so this is the part of her story that I'm playing. my concern was with how generic her demonchild orphan upbringing was, sory if i didn't make that clear