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View Full Version : Cheesiest. Magic Uses. Ever.



OOTS_Rules.
2007-09-23, 08:24 AM
This is where we post our cheesiest uses for magic ever.

1: Uses Transmute Stone to Flesh to turn an Earth Elemental or Stone Golem into a giant meatball. Dinner time!

2: (A way to beat That Pseudonatural Paragon Damn Crab!) Have the party Fighter go onto a cliff and throw a couple of pebbles. Step 2: Have Polymorph Any Object readied for when the fighter throws the Pebble Cluster, turning it into a cluster of Gargantuan-sized boulders. 3: Cast Time Stop and run away. One Word: SPLAT!

3: Have your high-level party come prepared with nothing but cheap items, like chains or wooden mallets. Then, polymorph any object them into powerful items like a Flaming Spiked Hammer or a Poisonous Spiked Chain.

4: Not magic, but a magic item. An Oversized Spiked Chain of Enlarge Person is the best thing ever invented. That way, it enlarges you making the weapon fit better and fulfilling that combo somebody made.

Kurald Galain
2007-09-23, 08:33 AM
Well, you know, the usual.

Divine Metacheese.
Initiate of the Sevenfold Gouda.
Shapeshift.

Tengu
2007-09-23, 08:33 AM
This is where we post our cheesiest uses for magic ever.

1: Uses Transmute Stone to Flesh to turn an Earth Elemental or Stone Golem into a giant meatball. Dinner time!

2: (A way to beat That Pseudonatural Paragon Damn Crab!) Have the party Fighter go onto a cliff and throw a couple of pebbles. Step 2: Have Polymorph Any Object readied for when the fighter throws the Pebble Cluster, turning it into a cluster of Gargantuan-sized boulders. 3: Cast Time Stop and run away. One Word: SPLAT!

3: Have your high-level party come prepared with nothing but cheap items, like chains or wooden mallets. Then, polymorph any object them into powerful items like a Flaming Spiked Hammer or a Poisonous Spiked Chain.

4: Not magic, but a magic item. An Oversized Spiked Chain of Enlarge Person is the best thing ever invented. That way, it enlarges you making the weapon fit better and fulfilling that combo somebody made.

1. It's Stone to Flesh, not Stone to Delicious And Boiled Mincemeat. Most enemies you face are made from flesh, but eating them is usually not a viable combat tactic.

2. Works.

3. You cannot use this spell to create magical items.

4. You know that when you get enlarged, your equipment also grows with you, right?

OOTS_Rules.
2007-09-23, 08:36 AM
1: Well, once it becomes a quivering heap of flesh, you can easilly cook it
.
2: Thanks

3: Oops

4: Then ignore the Oversized part.

Tengu
2007-09-23, 08:42 AM
But won't such a golem/elemental still be moving? Imagine fighting a huge, bloody, roughly humanoid steak.

It'd probably lose all the DR though.

kamikasei
2007-09-23, 08:44 AM
1: Uses Transmute Stone to Flesh to turn an Earth Elemental or Stone Golem into a giant meatball. Dinner time!

Man what.

I thought, "this clearly can't work. Golems will be immune or something." So I looked it up. Stone to flesh (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/stoneToFlesh.htm). "For example, this spell would turn a stone golem into a flesh golem..." That knocks four off the CR! That's insane!

So then I look up stone golems (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/golem.htm#stoneGolem) and see:


A stone golem is immune to any spell or spell-like ability that allows spell resistance. In addition, certain spells and effects function differently against the creature, as noted below.

...A stone to flesh spell does not actually change the golemís structure but negates its damage reduction and immunity to magic for 1 full round.

So, yeah. That doesn't actually work, but obviously whoever was writing the stats for stone golems didn't tell the person writing the spell.

OOTS_Rules.
2007-09-23, 08:44 AM
It would be a quivering mass of flesh. I think it would be pretty easy to kill.

ufo
2007-09-23, 08:47 AM
It would be a quivering mass of flesh. I think it would be pretty easy to kill.

It'd be fecking disgusting! I can't imagine fighting a huge pulp of raw flesh. Eww.

Spiryt
2007-09-23, 08:48 AM
A transmute rock to mud spell slows a stone golem (as the slow spell) for 2d6 rounds

And about earth elemental:


Magical stone is not affected by the spell. The depth of the mud created cannot exceed 10 feet.

So Earth elementals probably can't be affected.

OOTS_Rules.
2007-09-23, 08:49 AM
Thats stone to MUD. We are turning stone into FLESH.

Number 5: Cast Transmute Stone to Flesh on Earth.

Miraqariftsky
2007-09-23, 09:14 AM
This is where we post our cheesiest uses for magic ever.

1: Uses Transmute Stone to Flesh to turn an Earth Elemental or Stone Golem into a giant meatball. Dinner time!

Hoy-ba! Ye forgot the fireball to cook the thing--- ye do't want it raw-rare, do ye?


It'd be fecking disgusting! I can't imagine fighting a huge pulp of raw flesh. Eww.

My very first GM did this... except that the flesh was not just muscle but a certainskinless organ with many veins... YUGH! I was traumatized!

OOTS_Rules.
2007-09-23, 09:16 AM
XD

So true. Spells once used for slaying also work for BBQs.

Citizen Joe
2007-09-23, 09:16 AM
Back in 2nd edition, a male form of medusa was made that had stone to flesh ability. When the medusa turned someone to stone, they'd break off parts, use stone to flesh, and have dinner.

OOTS_Rules.
2007-09-23, 09:18 AM
So Medusa and her mate used to be a BBQ team? Quick, someboyd post that in the House of Horrors!

Quietus
2007-09-23, 09:34 AM
Am I the only person whose first thought was "Major creation : Gouda"?

OOTS_Rules.
2007-09-23, 09:40 AM
I dunno.

Cheesy Magic 6: Cone of Cold to freeze a moat and walk across, ending a deadly underwater encounter with crocodiles.


Cheesy Magic 7: Polymorph Any Object CAN be permanent if the objects are similar. First, craft a Tarresque mannequin. Then, increase the size by one until it is the size of the Tarresque. Finally, PAO it into a Tarresque. Congrats, you have a permenant pet Tarresque.

Cheesy Magic 8: Do the same, but for Pun-Pun.

Starsinger
2007-09-23, 09:43 AM
Cheesy Magic 8: Do the same, but for Pun-Pun.

Pretty sure the polymorph subschool doesn't allow you to polymorph into specific creatures.

OOTS_Rules.
2007-09-23, 09:45 AM
No, you take a kobold mannequin and PaO it into a kobold. Then watch as it levels up and gains class levels. Result: Pun-Pun.

Spiryt
2007-09-23, 09:48 AM
No, you take a kobold mannequin and PaO it into a kobold. Then watch as it levels up and gains class levels. Result: Pun-Pun.

OK, but why this Tarrasque or Pun Pun should be your pet? Listen to you?

Spell definition tells that you will just create Tarasque. You will probably had to fight with him in the very next round.

OOTS_Rules.
2007-09-23, 09:51 AM
Mind control spells.

Kurald Galain
2007-09-23, 09:54 AM
Mind control spells.

Pun-pun is immune to those, and the Tarrasque has a pretty good saving throw.

OOTS_Rules.
2007-09-23, 09:55 AM
You pay Pun-Pun and feed the Tarrasque?

Wabbajack
2007-09-23, 10:11 AM
Cheesy Magic 9: Get an medium/large archer and a large/huge quiver, if possible with infinite arrows. Then cast Enlarge person on the archer, make it permanent with permanency, give him the quiver and cast reduce person on the archer and make it permanent with permanency. Whenever he fires an arrow it becomes large/huge in the air :D

Drider
2007-09-23, 10:12 AM
You pay Pun-Pun and feed the Tarrasque?

Pun-Pun can TAKE ALL your money, the tarrasque will eat you AND your food.

Spiryt
2007-09-23, 10:12 AM
You pay Pun-Pun and feed the Tarrasque?

Well, both Pun Pun and Tarrasque can achieve much more cash/food on their own. :smallbiggrin:

Xyk
2007-09-23, 11:10 AM
Seriously, I'm gonna agree with everyone against the tarrasque pet. they are pretty much the most dangerous thing ever and won't be mind-controlled so easily. However if you get a baby tarrasque through the same method and watch it grow maybe it will be your pet. After about a thousand years of growing up.

purplearcanist
2007-09-23, 11:39 AM
No, here's how to do it:
1. Take a weak monster, such as a human baby, or PAO something into a weak monster.
2. Use Dominate Monster on it.
3. PAO it into whatever monster you want, but with a slightly different feature (like one different scale). Order your pet to fail the saving throw.
4. Finally, use PAO any object to turn it into the monster you want. And make sure to order your pet to fail his saving throw and lower his SR (if he has any).

Now, you have a pet of any monster you want. Have fun with a great wyrm prismatic dragon pet.:smallwink:

Just curious if there is a rule that prevents you from doing this.

Alternatively, you can do this on yourself, skipping steps 1 and 2.

Dullyanna
2007-09-23, 11:47 AM
Pun-Pun can TAKE ALL your money, the tarrasque will eat you AND your food.

Actually, I think Pun Pun can turn YOU into money... or a pulpy, edible mound of flesh... or a pet tarrasque.

Tor the Fallen
2007-09-23, 12:17 PM
Seriously, I'm gonna agree with everyone against the tarrasque pet. they are pretty much the most dangerous thing ever and won't be mind-controlled so easily. However if you get a baby tarrasque through the same method and watch it grow maybe it will be your pet. After about a thousand years of growing up.

The Tarrasque can be reliably dominated by a level 12 psion.

AKA_Bait
2007-09-23, 12:19 PM
Cheesy Magic 9: Get an medium/large archer and a large/huge quiver, if possible with infinite arrows. Then cast Enlarge person on the archer, make it permanent with permanency, give him the quiver and cast reduce person on the archer and make it permanent with permanency. Whenever he fires an arrow it becomes large/huge in the air :D

This doesn't work.


Enlarge person counters and dispels reduce person.

That's just an interesting way to waste 4 spells and 1,000 exp.

Quellian-dyrae
2007-09-23, 12:27 PM
Take one item of Death Throes on command, add a liberal helping of dupes/minions/charmed or dominated fodder/maybe even summoned creatures, sprinkle with the evil alignment, cook (your foes) to taste.

martyboy74
2007-09-23, 03:18 PM
On the subject of Stone to Flesh on Stone Golems, what if you hit it with two in a row? The first negates that magic immunity, would the second function normally?

SurlySeraph
2007-09-23, 05:02 PM
Antimatter. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2010735&postcount=38)

kpenguin
2007-09-23, 05:29 PM
Major Creation -> Cheese

Shas aia Toriia
2007-09-23, 05:49 PM
The classic forcecage-cloud kill

Leon
2007-09-23, 06:07 PM
It'd be fecking disgusting! I can't imagine fighting a huge pulp of raw flesh. Eww.

Flesh Jelly from MM2



Driven by its raging hunger, this jelly simply rolls over its foes and absorbs them into its body mass. It is a blob of soft, fleshy tissue surrounded by a filthy membrane composed of skin, hair, and fur.

Xuincherguixe
2007-09-24, 12:24 AM
How about rock to mud/mud to rock?

If it's a particularly heavy creature, you could probably make them suffocate to death underneath said rock too.

More likely, they'll be stuck in the rock and you'll have an easy kill.


It might work well on a mountain side too.

Icewalker
2007-09-24, 12:34 AM
End of the world tube! (Maybe. I do need to check the math)



Get a perfectly straight tube. put one ring gate at each end, so something in the tube falls down through the bottom and out the top. Use some magic to create a vacuum inside the tube. Once the rock is going at about the speed of light, remove bottom ring.

The only limiting factor is that ring gates can only transfer 100 lb. of stuff per day. If you've got a reeeally teensy stone in there, it'd be able to go through a huge number of times...the real question is, at what speed does it go through more than enough times per day to shut down the rings, and is it fast enough to destroy the world. Throw in the variable tube size, and it's not the easiest calculation.


I should work on this.

The_Werebear
2007-09-24, 01:52 AM
Take a low level, expendable monster of a loyal type. Kobolds work best. Create several potions of Fireball. Have them fill their mouth with potion. They run at the enemy and swallow at the last second.

Boom.

Feralgeist
2007-09-24, 02:37 AM
on the subject of stone to flesh, you should read both the MM AND PH.

Stone to flesh negates the golem's magic immunity, and if you cast a second time in the same round , quickened or something (or someone else does) It merely turns into a flesh golem. Transmute rock to mud wouldn't work at all, seeing as the stone golem is worked stone.

Kurald Galain
2007-09-24, 03:58 AM
Stone to flesh negates the golem's magic immunity, and if you cast a second time in the same round , quickened or something (or someone else does) It merely turns into a flesh golem.

Interestingly, if you follow it up by Flesh to Stone, you get an inert statue. By RAW.

martyboy74
2007-09-24, 06:49 AM
Nope. The Flesh Golem has that same sort of Magic Immunity, and there's nothing that eliminate it.

Kurald Galain
2007-09-24, 07:00 AM
Okay, how about a gargoyle, then?

Keld Denar
2007-09-24, 09:15 AM
The only limiting factor is that ring gates can only transfer 100 lb. of stuff per day. If you've got a reeeally teensy stone in there, it'd be able to go through a huge number of times...the real question is, at what speed does it go through more than enough times per day to shut down the rings, and is it fast enough to destroy the world. Throw in the variable tube size, and it's not the easiest calculation.

No, the only limit on this would be terminal velocity, which for D&D is 20d6. So, if your tube was 20' long, and the stone weighed 10 lbs, it could pass through the gate 10 times, aquire 20d6 damage worth of velocity, and on the last fall, the gate would be rendered non-functioning since it exceded its capacity, and the rock would shoot out the bottom. The only trick would be to tilt the tube (a 20' probably stone or metal tube would be heavy!!!!) to the point where you could aim it at something. Might be worthwhile as a siege weapon for a really rich army. Otherwise, probably not.


I personally like the idea of a long pit trap. Near the bottom is a resetting spell trap with a proximity trigger to cast reverse gravity. PC falls, triggers the trap, gravity switches and their fall slows to a stop (props if you calculate it out to be inches from the floor), then begins to fall the other way. When the PC is high enough (outside of the proximity trigger of the trap) the reverse gravity shuts off, the PC slows, stops in mid air for a split second, then falls down toward the trap again. Lather, rinse, repeat. Unless someone can pull em out with a pole, or use a fly spell or similar magic, the poor guy is gonna be stuck in a parabolic acceleration curve until they undoubltedly starve to death or some such occurance.

Swordguy
2007-09-24, 09:34 AM
Read my sig.


(Don't know if it's been posted yet, don't care.)

sikyon
2007-09-24, 09:53 AM
No, the only limit on this would be terminal velocity, which for D&D is 20d6. So, if your tube was 20' long, and the stone weighed 10 lbs, it could pass through the gate 10 times, aquire 20d6 damage worth of velocity, and on the last fall, the gate would be rendered non-functioning since it exceded its capacity, and the rock would shoot out the bottom. The only trick would be to tilt the tube (a 20' probably stone or metal tube would be heavy!!!!) to the point where you could aim it at something. Might be worthwhile as a siege weapon for a really rich army. Otherwise, probably not.


He said to make a vaccum. No vaccum, no terminal velocity.

I don't find ring gate supported in use this way though. d20srd says "instantaneously" not "at the speed of light."

CrazedGoblin
2007-09-24, 10:13 AM
i gave one of my players a bracer that gave him meld to stone, infinate uses BIG MISTAKE haha

Draz74
2007-09-24, 11:25 AM
Shrink Item, used to reduce huge projectiles to small sizes before they're launched. Dismiss the spell while the projectiles are flying. (I hate this particular brand of cheese.)

Polymorph Any Object: Wizard changes himself permanently into an ancient gold dragon, with like 30 base Int.

Shivering Touch.
Maximized Shivering Touch on an Archmage with Arcane Reach.

Techonce
2007-09-24, 11:51 AM
Shrink Item, used to reduce huge projectiles to small sizes before they're launched. Dismiss the spell while the projectiles are flying. (I hate this particular brand of cheese.)


This would depend on how the spell interacts with its momentum. If you ad mass and it's momentum remains the same, then it would move slower. Net result is the same.

Now if the momentum was not constant...

Also cheesy magic uses (not in D&D) though;

Toss a bag of about 30 daggers into a small room. Have the mage cast polergeist (all items 1lb or less are flung randomly about the room for 1 minute) we nicknamed this the Cuisenart meneuver (shadowrun 1st edition)

ALso Shadowrun. Mage polymorphed into a small bird and flew to about 20' over head of enemy. Then changed into hippo. Changed back into human for required healing!

Techonce
2007-09-24, 12:20 PM
No, the only limit on this would be terminal velocity, which for D&D is 20d6. So, if your tube was 20' long, and the stone weighed 10 lbs, it could pass through the gate 10 times, aquire 20d6 damage worth of velocity, and on the last fall, the gate would be rendered non-functioning since it exceded its capacity, and the rock would shoot out the bottom. The only trick would be to tilt the tube (a 20' probably stone or metal tube would be heavy!!!!) to the point where you could aim it at something. Might be worthwhile as a siege weapon for a really rich army. Otherwise, probably not.


A few issues here.
1. if you tilt the tube then gravity would actually slow it down and it woudl come out slowly, not to mention the damage to the tube as the projective boundces off the walls.

2. If you disregard issue 1. The projective would have only traveled 200 in the tube and at best would only be traveling at 113 ft/sec (77 mph, 124km/hr) ifyou andled the tube at 45 degrees, the stone would only travel 400', not really a good siege weapon.

3. If you still ignore issue 1 and use a 1/2 lb projectile then you could launch the object 8200 ft (assuming no air resistance).

Actually hitting the speed of light would be quite hard. A 0.000081lb object falling straight through a tube 100,000 feet long with the rings at both ends would hit a speed of about 0.3% the speed of light. However it would take 1 whole day af falling to hit that.

Chaos Bringer
2007-09-24, 01:11 PM
Shrink Item, used to reduce huge projectiles to small sizes before they're launched. Dismiss the spell while the projectiles are flying.

Fill a catapult or trebuche with these shrunken items, then launch, THEN dismiss the spells. Shotgun catapult FTW.

woc33
2007-09-24, 04:00 PM
ALso Shadowrun. Mage polymorphed into a small bird and flew to about 20' over head of enemy. Then changed into hippo. Changed back into human for required healing!

did it once with my 3.5 druid. Flew 60 ft above an enemy's head, used the move action to dismiss the wildshape and used fast wildshape to change to a rhino, powerful charge and BAM, he's dead. It was the last opponent so i didn't mind the 6d6 damage from the fall.

Leon
2007-09-26, 06:47 PM
Weighty Chest on Ballista Bolts, when broadsided into a dragon = one very heavy dragon.
We killed one outright with this tactic and severly maimed 2 more

Draz74
2007-09-26, 08:19 PM
Oh, also the "Explosive Runes x4000 on object. Put object near enemy. Cast Dispel Magic on object. Intentionally fail dispel check."

Followed closely by "Train expendable minion. Have him run near BBEG, then throw together Portable Hole and Bag of Holding so that they suck BBEG into vortex of instant death."

GoC
2007-09-26, 09:27 PM
Polymorph Any Object: Wizard changes himself permanently into an ancient gold dragon, with like 30 base Int.

I've always been confused about this one.
Wouldn't you need to have CL 29 (old gold dragon) in order for it to be worthwhile? And CL 38 (ancient gold dragon) to get that 30 Int?

Haikiah
2007-09-26, 09:51 PM
Tube of world destruction thingy simply doesn't work.

Bypassing terminal velocity by making the tube a vacuum?

Wow, I didn't know that things accelerate on their own whilst in a vacuum! Here I was thinking they maintain a constant velocity until interacting with another force.

Xuincherguixe
2007-09-26, 09:53 PM
Tube of world destruction thingy simply doesn't work.

Bypassing terminal velocity by making the tube a vacuum?

Wow, I didn't know that things accelerate on their own whilst in a vacuum! Here I was thinking they maintain a constant velocity until interacting with another force.

I was under the impression that it would be held vertically, thus earths gravity would pull on it.

GoC
2007-09-26, 10:10 PM
Tube of world destruction thingy simply doesn't work.

Bypassing terminal velocity by making the tube a vacuum?

Wow, I didn't know that things accelerate on their own whilst in a vacuum! Here I was thinking they maintain a constant velocity until interacting with another force.

:rollseyes:

Mewtarthio
2007-09-26, 10:13 PM
Wow, I didn't know that things accelerate on their own whilst in a vacuum! Here I was thinking they maintain a constant velocity until interacting with another force.

They are being acted upon by an outside force. The gravity of the earth is accelerating the rock at a rate of roughly 9.8 m/s^2. As a side note, the speed of light is roughly 3E8 m/s. Starting at 0 m/s, and ignoring relativistic effects, the rock hits the speed of light in 3.06E7 seconds, or roughly 350 days. That's ignoring relativistic effects, as I said above, so in actuality it'll be a lot longer than that. Have fun waiting!

Rockphed
2007-09-26, 10:35 PM
I can see it now, "New clock will stop when universe ends!" Actually the "Clock" is one of our tubes of world ending. It simply notes every time the little rock goes by.

lesserarchangel
2007-09-27, 01:18 AM
Re. the infinite falling ring gates: the SRD says "up to 100 pounds of material can be transferred each day". If your projectile weighs 0.01 lb (small pebble), you can take 10000 trips/day. But under 10 m/s^2, you travel 36 million kilometers in the first day. If your tube is 1 m long, you only accelerate for ~45 s before the gate shuts down. Now a pebble free-falling 10 km packs a nice wallop, ~400 Joules (it's going 441 m/s = ~1000 mph), but it doesn't blow up the world. The nominal falling rules assign 1d6 to that much energy, but I'd up it because it is so concentrated.

Note: dropping the mass of the projectile doesn't help. You gain distance proportional to mass, but the energy of a falling object is mass*gravity*height, so the total energy is the same.

If the restriction were only 'less than 100 pounds at a time', then this would be a very big explosion: you put in a 1 lb mass, and it keeps on falling and accelerating. After just about a year, it reaches a gamma such that its mass in the frame of the gate is relativistically shifted up to 100 lbs. Then it runs through the bottom of the gate (we've got 100 lbs of cosmic rays at this point), hits whatever is beneath it, and releases all of that energy. The effect would be measured in the tens of gigatonnes of TNT equivalent, not as bad as the antimatter major creation, but rather stiff none-the-less. Fortunately, having an infinite mass through the ring gate is so obviously broken that the rules fixed it.

Yes, I have put physics into DnD. Yes, I know the consequences.

Leon
2007-09-27, 01:48 AM
Yes, I have put physics into DnD. Yes, I know the consequences.

blood everywhere...

Techonce
2007-09-27, 09:42 AM
Re. the infinite falling ring gates: the SRD says "up to 100 pounds of material can be transferred each day". If your projectile weighs 0.01 lb (small pebble), you can take 10000 trips/day. But under 10 m/s^2, you travel 36 million kilometers in the first day. If your tube is 1 m long, you only accelerate for ~45 s before the gate shuts down. Now a pebble free-falling 10 km packs a nice wallop, ~400 Joules (it's going 441 m/s = ~1000 mph), but it doesn't blow up the world. The nominal falling rules assign 1d6 to that much energy, but I'd up it because it is so concentrated.


The above described object, if made of steel, and assumed to be a cube, Would have a hard time penetrating 1/2 inch thick steel plate.

You could argue that the object could be pointed, but since it has fallen 10km in a vacuum, it would be hard to determine it's final orientation.

GoC
2007-09-27, 10:57 AM
The effect would be measured in the tens of gigatonnes of TNT equivalent, not as bad as the antimatter major creation, but rather stiff none-the-less.

The equivalent of 49.5lbs of antimatter* to be precise.

*4.04*10^18 Joules or about one gigatonne of TNT.

lesserarchangel
2007-09-27, 12:33 PM
"The equivalent of 49.5 lbs of antimatter."

50 lbs, less 0.5 lb because we started out with 1 lb of mass.:smallamused: