"I toss the kitty" and other crazy things you have done during combat

[nickl_2000]

Just a fun little thread about silliness in combat that made you DM try and figure out rules on the spot.


My story from a few days ago. We are fighting a Succubus Mini-boss who is using her ability to fly to toss spells down at us from range. The warlock was dominated and throwing his Eldritch Blasts at me, the moon druid in Earth Elemental Form. I have the warlock grappled to keep him right next to me and attacking me with disadvantage with his blasts. The party's Tabaxi Fighter/Rogue isn't the best with ranged and isn't that effective in combat up until this point.

The succubus is hanging out next to a cloth curtain at this turn. So, I drop the lizardman warlock hard on the ground, move over to the tabaxi and heave him hard at the succubus. DM makes me make a ranged attack with the kitty at disadvantage as he's an improvised weapon. The cat flies through the air, claws extended, barely missing the succubus and landing on the cloth curtain next to her claws inside it. The tabaxi is up next after me in initiative, springs off the curtain, shield bashes the succubus prone knocking her to the ground 45 feet below and falls on her claws extended slashing at her. Tabaxi takes abuse from the fall, succubus takes abuse from her own fall and the cat falling on top of her. She lands next to the bone claw ally we had recruited for this battle from a necromancer lich who hates the succubus, who slashes her twice.

Succubus freaks out, drops concentration on Dominate and turns invisible running away from us. It was a fun combat.

[ImproperJustice]

That’s awesome.

One of the great things about RPG combat is some of the wackiness it allwos for.

Some fun moments from a few of our games:

Similar story, Had a ranger cast conjur animals and ended up with some small octopi (we were fighting in the surf on a beach), so he proceeded to start punting the octopi at enemies on the beach with varying degrees of sucess.


Our party found a nearly indestructible armoire made of ironwood, and during a chaotic battle on some stairs, proceeded to sled down the stairs on that armoire, until colliding into a wall at the basement.

More of a “slow burn” kinda funny, but loading a dead body and a PC onto Tenser’s Disk, casting invisibility on both and then walking these two wantwd indivduals past a massive mob seeking their deaths.

Two PCs communicating via Skywrite, and then finally issuing a challenge to the big bad guy complete with down pointing arrow.

Having a dragon tell us how awesome and dangerous he is, and having our fighter wordlessly pull out a Dragon Tooth necklace displaying the teeth of the last three dragons we defeated.
(Usually these things go the other way around).


Fighting a pack of Kobolds in a chicken coup, where missed blows resulted in skewered chickens and clouds of feathers, further compounding the Chaos.

[Sindal]

Our human paladin entering a hostage situation preteding to be a male dancer to the hostage takers (bugbears)

He then proceeded to tango the hostage to safety.
Deez performance rolls i swear

[CTurbo]

When my Goliath Barbarian found a wild Halfling(also a Barbarian) he ended up adopting (more like a pet than a son), there were a few times he would toss the Halfling at the enemy to great effect.

[GreyBlack]

Teleported a dude off the side of a zeppelin.

[DMThac0]

My group was fighting a flight of Dust Mephits and having a rough go at it since they kept flying out of reach. The ranged attacks were doing ok at pelting them, but it was just not going their way (dice gods were not smiling).

My wife, a Shadow Monk/GOO Lock decides to go all wire-fu on me and it was epic.


Aloxyis: Mhurren, toss me up! *makes a hand motion to lift her like they do with cheerleader.*
Mhurren: *to me* It's not my turn, will I be able to do this?
DM: Sure, it'll take your reaction for the turn, but why not. I'll need an Athletics from you and an Acrobatics from Aloxyis
**rolls ensue**
Aloxyis: I don't believe I can make it up to the Mephit, but...HOLD ON! I cast Misty Step at the peak of my jump!
DM: *does calculations really fast* Ok, and?
Aloxyis: I'm going to drop down on him doing a side kick!

And thus we have a Monk leap into the air, teleport above a Mephit, drive her foot into it, and then subsequently blinds 3 of the 5 party members as it is slammed into the ground with enough force to kill it.

[BobZan]

We were going inside a Bugbear/Hobgoblin HQ cavern that had a lake blocking passage. We go inside the lake, the Bard crossed and other 3 are on the way to the cavern, suddenly a Hydra appears from the bottom of the lake. Hits us hard from below. Bard casts Polymorph and now the Hydra is a Squirrel. I capture the Squirrel and we go in. Exploring, we find a room full of resting hobgoblins/bugbears, a dozen or more. I throw the Squirrel inside and close the door shut. We called it The Hydra Grenade.

[Quoz]

My very first character was a Kender in a Dragonlance campaign. The whole party had been disarmed and tied on posts as an offering to a black dragon. I was the only one to escape, and the only one to still have a weapon (I had so many pockets that we had stopped keeping my inventory an instead just rolled a random table each session)

I had one round before the dragon was on us, just enough to cut our mage's hand free and give him the knife. I then had to find a way to stall a dragon by myself and unarmed long enough for my party to escape and find their gear. I first made an incredible series of acrobatics checks to climb on the dragon and somehow hold on as he pulled me underwater and dragged me through the swamp. When we surfaced I did the only thing I could think of... I requested it to eat me.

Kender in Dragonlance, for those who don't know, are all but immune to fear and have a level of curiosity that borders on the suicidal. So I proceeded to explain to the dragon that I had never been eaten by a dragon before, that no one I knew had any stories like that and that if I was the first I would get to tell the story for years. Of course, the dragon saw me as so low down the food chain that it was like a particularly sick rat squeaking in a kitchen and covering itself in barbecue sauce. I debated the dragon for a good 5 minutes about why he should eat me, long enough for my party to get free and re-equip for the actual battle. And that is how I earned the honorific 'Uncle Dragontaunter'

[SociopathFriend]

Have I told you about the time I seduced Zuggtmoy? Because that happened.

[Crgaston]

Fighting a pack of Kobolds in a chicken coup, where missed blows resulted in skewered chickens and clouds of feathers, further compounding the Chaos.

I have to ask... Was the chicken coup successful? Who were they trying to overthrow?

[Laserlight]

Our party found a nearly indestructible armoire made of ironwood

8BitTheater webcomic, Fighter asked for Armor but got the Armoire of Invincibility...

[Man_Over_Game]

I haven't done anything too creative lately that I can think of.

I guess there is one thing. The players I was with were real murderhobos; they started a bar fight that ended in everyone getting murdered, so I just decided to continue what I was doing and played my banjo in the corner.

For some reason, the DM decided to have one of the bad guys run up and stab me, so I took my banjo and critted across his face. Brokeded mah banjer. It didn't really do much besides me having to get a replacement banjo, but it was the first time I had real fun in that campaign. I left shortly after.

[ImproperJustice]

8BitTheater webcomic, Fighter asked for Armor but got the Armoire of Invincibility...

Only now do I get the joke....

[ImproperJustice]

I have to ask... Was the chicken coup successful? Who were they trying to overthrow?

Sorry. I have enormous thumbs and a small cell phone. Thus my grammar and spelling often makes it look like English is my second language. :)

[Jgosse]

This was back in 2005. My party chased an invisible individual into a shack. After being given a description of the inside my halforc ranger threw a table across the room. I got lucky on the percentile and the table broke on the guy. The Goliath fighter charged in and grappled the guy. This was some old 3.5 module and apparently taking him alive was a decent jump in CR.

[Linkavitch]

Sinking ship. Several members of the party are bailing water, while several others are fighting against shark-riding Tritons (I think, we haven't confirmed it yet). I get frustrated bailing water while people are dying, so I opened the Bag of Holding underwater....and broke my DM's brain while he tried to figure out what that did. :smallcool:

He ended up letting something like 30 cubic feet of water into the Bag of Holding, and I ran upstairs to rescue people.

[SociopathFriend]

At one point myself and two other companions were in some manner of icy mountain base fighting cultists. The Rogue had gotten herself on the ground floor and killed/captured/injured/incapacitated in some way yet again.

We were several stories up and had no way to get down without hurting ourselves as getting to our level in the first place had required multiple tunnels that we didn't have time for.

It was at this point of minor desperation that I pulled out a Boat-Patch from that cloak that gives you patches and asked the Barbarian, "How lucky do you feel?"

In short we boated down the inside of the mountain with the Barbarian using his strength to keep the boat upright and we arrived in record-time in order to save our companion. Since this was in the midst of combat, I'm counting it.

[Maelynn]

During a one-shot session our party (a Dwarf Cleric, a Goliath Monk, and me as a Kender Cleric of Lliira), we had to infiltrate a pirate encampment.

I had already set the tone by making my character full of antics that are innocent but annoying, much like a small child can really get under your skin. For example, we were scouting around the edge of the encampment and the Monk softly asked us if we saw any pirates. I said, 'oh yes there's one! Yoohoo, hello!' and started waving frantically. I was eating sand before I could draw the pirate's attention.

We decided to disguise ourselves as pirates, so we could enter the hideout and find the main building. My Kender described enthusiastically how she dressed herself in bright red trousers, knee-high buckled boots, a white ruffly corsair shirt, a large captain's hat with 3 colourful feathers, and a parrot on her shoulder. I loved the horrific looks the other players gave me during my description, and with a proud strut I led the way into the encampment. Lucky for them, the pirates saw a small child dressed up as a pirate, they joked and laughed about it to the surly-looking Dwarf and Goliath, so we managed to move in without people giving us a scrutinising look.

That was also around the time the other two decided I was best not involved in discussions on strategy, which was fine with me. I had more fun looking around anyway. And getting distracted. And wandering off...

[Skylivedk]

As a DM:
White dragon riding Steam punk cyborg gorillas attacked my players who were riding an airship. The players are weak at range and are not having much fun with the gorillas' stick in move (they would board, attack and jump off almost every round). The Paladin times his upcasted Command alongside a quick vertical lift of the airship to perfection and gets two of the white dragons to collide beneath the ship to even the playing field.

In Pathfinder, I managed to drop a dinosaur wildshape druid (whom I proceeded to enlarge) right on top of a dragon who suddenly realised he was not an apex predator.

Bomb runs with reduced gnome Wizards riding low level druids...

I once made a real bridge look like an illusion, so the enemies didn't want to use it. Which was great: we had plenty of bows.

[Fredaintdead]

While in a game that had rapidly gone out of control as we neared Level 20, our DM had decided "Screw it, you're way too powerful, here's a dungeon with a horde of ancient vampires, like 3 Liches and a Shadow Tarrasque."

So, in the fight with the Shadow Tarrasque, my Minotaur Barbarian grew to Huge size and jumped into the Tarrasque's mouth, because I was too big for them to swallow (and it also meant that it couldn't use its Bite attack on anybody else). I was halfway in the Tarrasque's mouth for a solid two rounds just hammering away at its eyes.

[TrashTrash]

Not me, but a 5e campaign my brother did with a few of his friends at a weekend thing. The characters are:
- Human Fighter With Complicated Name I Don't Remember (Let's go with Greg) {my brother}
- Elf Spellcaster, Hereafter known as Bill (no idea what subcategory) {Friend 1}
- Bilbo's Baggy Pants (Yes, you read that correctly. He was Bilbo Baggins' magically animated and sentient pants. Insane carrying capacity, though.) {Friend 2}
The other members of the party aren't key to this story.

First of all, they had a random encounter against, if I remember correctly, 2+ Goblins. They were supposed to defend a carriage of some sort from them.
Please note that Bill and the other spellcaster in the party had a penchant for using Burning Hands to do EVERYTHING. They "accidentally" burned down an entire forest in a throwaway encounter that they had already almost beaten.
While I gave this explanation, someone crit failed an attack and ended up somehow shooting my brother with arrows that made him bleed out. He's now unconscious on the ground. Bill announces that they are going to use Burning Hands to take out the monsters. Pants passes an Acrobatics check to see if he can jump onto the carriage. Meanwhile, Greg is on the ground, bleeding, unconscious, and defenseless.
Bill casts the spell, and the underbrush in the area they're in catches and burns hot and fast. Pants survives without any fire damage, everyone else (besides Bill) takes damage.

So I took the opportunity to point out that Greg's clothes would still be on fire, he's still bleeding, and he's still KO'd. My brother then looks up with a shocked/sheepish look, turns to {Friend 1} and asks him if he still thinks Burning Hands solve everything.

Bill then announces that Burning Hands just solved everything, and that he deserves praise and/or a bonus for saving them from the goblins, while standing directly next to Greg's burning, bleeding body. If I recall, Greg made it out with 2 HP, but {Friend 1} is banned from using Burning Hands unless it's absolutely necessary.

The other thing was out of combat, but only barely. This happens about 2 minutes after Greg is healed.{Friend 2} asks OOC if there's a town nearby, there is, they go. Pants goes into a store and sees a lovely Greataxe that would drain him to 15 gp to buy. He decides to distract the shopkeep and shove the axe down his pants. He successfully smuggled a Greataxe out of a store IN HIS PANTS. I believe this became very handy afterwards, as he was able to roll a very successful Intimidate check for pulling the axe out of his pants before killing several monsters with it.

[ImproperJustice]

In Yesterday’s game, our party broke into the bedroom of the Fire Giant Queen.

My Forge Cleric animated her huge bed, along with a pair knick knacks on one of her Shelves, which could now fly escort.

The party then climbed on top, and we rode the “Battle Bed” into her throne room and did glorious battle from our mobile platform.
The best part, was having our Crossbow Sniper attacking from underneath using the bedposts as cover, and eventually parking the bed up against a set of double doors, blocking the honor guard from getting easy access.

Then the battle ended when our Halfling sorceror polymorphed her majesty into a Goat. A quick grapple later, and out fighter tossed her on his back, while another PC quickly bound her legs, and we are now fleeing into the desert, with the “Goat Queen”, as out hostage.


This was followed earlier in the evening by that same Halfling Sorceror using Polymorph to become a Giant Ape, Wild Surged and got the result of the size increase and became a gargantuan Ape.

The best part was watching King Kong throwing the giants throwing rocks right back at em.

Good times.

[Finback]

CoS, I take the artificier aside, to discuss an idea.
We return. DM asks us what we want to do in the battle.
We get the gnome to talk to the ravens that seem to be our allies.
We instruct them to pick up some things from the artificier's supplies.

And that's how we strafed Strahd with alchemical fire from above..
*****

also, my vengadin drew attacks, and was surrounded by about five or six warhounds. Got the artificier to throw alchemical fire, centred on me.
<DM> You.. will need to make a Dex save..
*rolls successfully*
<DM> that's half-da-
<me> Shield Mastery feat. It does nothing.
*dogs all die*

We used that strategy later on a hag, and it worked again. Cue the paladin walking out of a Fireball, not even looking behind.

*************

Oh, and lastly, our latest success.
Fighting the not-Baba Yaga in her flying skull.
(Our bard had to leave early, but said to use her sheet).
<me, acting in her place> Flix casts Dispel Magic...
<DM>.. ok, but..
<me> on the flying skull.
*cue a party beating up an old lady who has fallen and can't get up (from the 6d10 falling damage).*

[Laserlight]

In SKT, we ran into a purple worm or something of that sort. The barbarian ran up to it and it bit him, which restrained him; next turn it'll swallow him, doing more damage. Except I cast Sanctuary on the barbarian. The DM scratched his head a bit but eventually concluded that the worm couldn't swallow or bite the barbarian and his mouth was full so it couldn't bite anyone else either.

[Clone]

Homebrew Campaign, the setting is an opera house with three players.
Something is up and going wrong with the performers there and the crew have come to investigate.
The Druid and Barbarian are sneaking around disguising themselves as backstage crew or inspectors while the Cleric (the only one with a + in CHA) is sitting in the audience trying to woo the daughter of one of the performers.
The dynamic duo eventually find themselves in the staff lounge where the performers are getting ready and, after realising that there is a secured door to the owner's office which is guarded, try to cause a stir by telling one of the performers that they were being replaced, all while wearing horrific costumes they put on only minutes earlier (a 5 on their check to find suitable clothes).

End result being the two awkward idiots of the group scooby-dooing around and frantically trying to knock out/ capture all the opera's performers to not get the guards called on them, while wearing a horrendous mishmash of different costumes, meanwhile the smartest and most charismatic character completely unaware while trying to get a date. This whole process took 4 hours.

[Damon_Tor]

A story I call "When all you have is a hammer, every problem is a nail"

So there we were, the end of the campaign. We show up at this totally-not-stonehenge ritual site where this evil cult is preparing to sacrifice a virgin to summon their evil God into our realm for a thousand years of darkness.

I'm a fighter, a choice I had consistently regretted. This was 3rd edition someplace. So when the battle starts all the spellcasters on my team (everyone else) cast haste and flight on themselves and zoom off like the Justice League and I'm just jogging behind them. I spend the first three rounds just getting to the battle.

By the time I get there everyone is flying. The enemies are all flying, my allies are all flying there's literally nothing I can do. And everyone is ignoring me. Why wouldn't they? I approach the altar and try to free the princess to be sacrificed, but she's shackled to the altar and in some kind of trance.

At this point I begin to intuit that the superhero-battle raging above my head is going badly for our side, and I'm looking for solutions. So I ask the DM: "So, you, uh... you said she was a virgin, right? The sacrifice."

DM: "Yeah."

Me: "Is that important?"

DM: ...

Me: "For the ritual. Does it fail if she isn't a virgin?"

DM: "... Don't."

Me: "It's for the world. A thousand years of darkness."

DM: "Please don't."

Me: "I pull down my pants."

DM: *SIGH*

A teammate: "Protect the fighter!"

And so the goalposts shifted, my team not trying to defeat the evil spellcasters, but simply trying to keep them from stopping me from doing what needed to be done. DM ruled on the fly that anything less than a minute didn't count, so I had to survive 10 rounds. Turned out to not be so hard, seeing as the enemies were low on spells from their super battle and I was a big sack of hitpoints.

So we succeed, and the evil God tells his followers they've failed him, turns them inside out, standard procedure. We return the princess to her father (who hired us in the first place) and I'm told I have to marry her. Which puts me in line for the throne.

[JeenLeen]

For D&D, I think the funniest was our warlock's trick of Charm Person and Disguise Self. Wearing one face, KO someone. Then Charm them before they wake up, then talk to them wearing a new face as their 'friend' to interrogate. Or by pretending to be a fellow prisoner while my character did the interrogation.

Worked pretty well, except on one drow boss. DM (wisely, I think) ruled that the drow were so distrustful that she didn't quite trust her 'good friend', so it wasn't that successful. Though I think she did give away the secret of bypassing a major trap or finding secret treasure.

The funniest was Exalted
We had a magic goat that was shrunk to the size of a small dog, and were bringing it to an altar where the underworld met the real world. There was a ritual that would, if done one way, make most of the surrounding area into Shadowlands and, if done the other way, seal away easy access for the undead.

The goat had tons of hit points and cried healing potions that enchanted our weapons to do extra damage against creatures of darkness.

So, in one fight, our martial artist decided to kick the goat into a zombie-boss. Did a ton of damage (great roll) and was hilarious. But it then led to a (somewhat worried) discussion of, if the undead dematerialized, would it take the goat with it since it was now 'part of it'... since that would mean a win for the bad guys. But I think he decided the undead didn't think of it, so we killed it and freed the goat in time.

We also had discussions of if we could kick the goat to make it cry healing potion as a free action or not, and debates on the morality of such anyhow.

[Finback]

Oh, and for a non 5e, 4e warforged knight. Armed with warhammer, shield, plate mail, etc.

The party is in a battle with four huge chain golems; the battle is proceeding downwards through the tower as they either cause the floors to collapse, or move downwards by shifting into just their basic chain forms, sliding through gaps, then reforming. Cue my turn, at the top of some stairs.

<me> OK, so I want to leap off the stairs, onto the closest one.
<dm> OK, go for an Athletics check.
*success*
I am now standing on the shoulder of a massive chain golem.
<me> OK, so I want to make a basic melee attack, but NOT with my warhammer...
<dm> I'll allow it, go ahead.
*make a good attack*
"I'm using my fist, and plunge it into the back of the chain golem's head."
<dm> Cool, so now you..
<me> I USE MY BONUS ACTION TO ACTIVATE MY MAGNETIC PLATE ARMOUR..
<dm> *remembers that is my plate armour's special feature, to pull enemies into melee range of me*
<me> ... and I invert the polarity.

There's about 10 seconds of though, before the DM realises what I'm doing.
<dm> You effectively shotgun blast into the back of its head, lengths of chain flying around the room.

This led to a conversation about the Rule of Cool, the significance of "cinematics" in narrative adventure, and an explanation of the "portable hole inside a bag of holding" issue.

[Sigreid]

Just recently the party was attacked by a large number of scarecrows. First round my wizard shouts 'I want one!". The party destroys all but one of the scarecrows and the dwarf life cleric decides to grapple the last one, followed by the monk using stunning strike to stun it and the arcane archer slapping manacals on hits arms and legs (I don't even remember where we picked those up). Now, the party is continuing on with their dangerous adventure with a scarecrow manacled up and locked in a coffin...in a church being held for study by the wizard. And the monk has now said to the wizard "I used to think you might be evil, but now I'm certain you're just really reckless."