What's the most pressing problem with 5e [joke thread]

[PhoenixPhyre]

The lack of rules for ironing your clothes :smallcool:. Or maybe the lack of rules about running a newspaper business.

Note: this is not a serious thread. I was running behind on my bad joke quota.

[Imbalance]

Needs better graphics, higher frame rate.

[Tanarii]

Chainmail Bikini Babes and Shirtless Thewed Barbarians are woefully underrepresented in the art.

[nickl_2000]

Lack of optimization algorithms on where it is better or worse to play man on man or zone when doing it full court.

[Knaight]

The equipment list has neither olive press nor printing press. The designers have consistently not used pressure units even where they'd make sense. There's no journalism skill.

[PhoenixPhyre]

Lack of optimization algorithms on where it is better or worse to play man on man or zone when doing it full court.

Meta! I like it.


The equipment list has neither olive press nor printing press. The designers have consistently not used pressure units even where they'd make sense. There's no journalism skill.

True. So very true.

It makes me sad. You might even say it makes me depressed. :smalltongue:

[nickl_2000]

There is no table for rarity or value of flowers or rules on how long it takes to press them properly so that they will be preserved.

[Tanarii]

There's no journalism skill.
Paranormal investigators are stuck with the Sage background. /sadpandaface

Speaking of which:
Needs more tentacles.

[some guy]

The rules for graplling and turning undead need at least 1 page of more rules. I want grappling and turning undead needing 12-step-flowcharts to understand but the book not actually providing those. That way the true and worthy players can be elevated to their rightful place. /s

Edit: Perception should be divided in Listen, Search, Spot, Smell, Touch, Look Closely, Spot Distantly, Sense Equilibrium, Taste, Perceive Pain and Search Pockets.

[Corran]

5e promised to be simple, and it simply didn't deliver. I've read the phb multiple times, and I have yet to find the section that tells me how to win when playing this game.

[nickl_2000]

5e promised to be simple, and it simply didn't deliver. I've read the phb multiple times, and I have yet to find the section that tells me how to win when playing this game.

According to many different people posting on here, the way to win is the Sorcerer King.

[JakOfAllTirades]

Where's the rules on Defenestration? Do I need to exceed the window's hit points / hardness score? How much damage does a kobold take from stained glass when my Warlock's Repelling Blast knocks him 20 feet straight into it? And is that piercing or slashing damage? Does he get a saving throw? Does the window get a saving throw? I think someone at WOTC has seriously underestimated the importance and/or coolness of throwing the bad guys out the window in tabletop fantasy role playing games.

[NRSASD]

It doesn't list the DC to avoid catching lycanthropy when making out with a wereraven! How was I supposed to know that was a risk?

Serious talk though, any one know that DC? It'll probably be relevant

[Sariel Vailo]

Not enough splat books about being able to hump evrything. No stats for the chainmail bikini, not enough naked barbarain *rage*rs

[some guy]

Where's the rules on Defenestration? Do I need to exceed the window's hit points / hardness score? How much damage does a kobold take from stained glass when my Warlock's Repelling Blast knocks him 20 feet straight into it? And is that piercing or slashing damage? Does he get a saving throw? Does the window get a saving throw? I think someone at WOTC has seriously underestimated the importance and/or coolness of throwing the bad guys out the window in tabletop fantasy role playing games.

In all seriousness, I do miss the spell Defenestrating Spehere from 3.5. A very fun spell, even though it didn't have much to do with actual defenestration.

[solidork]

The monster manual needs to include information on appropriate courtship rituals for the various intelligent monsters.

[ImproperJustice]

The lag in multiplayer is abysmal. Sometimes it takes full on minutes between player turns because of all the laugh static.

Also, unlike my favorite game Phoenix Command there is a complete lack of rules/tables on dog breeds and how well their barks penetrate various forms of glass vs. the perception level of PCs based on the type of cofee they had moat recently.

[OverLordOcelot]

I can buy a steel mirror, but if I want a silver mirror I'm SOL. Similarly, I cannot actually buy boots or a cloak anymore unless I am buying a magical cloak. Guess we're all supposed to play halflings and use cheap mirrors? This equipment list oversight completely ruins this edition for me, I'm going to go back to 1e where I had multiple types of boots in the base equipment list.

[Calimehter]

Where's the rules on Defenestration? Do I need to exceed the window's hit points / hardness score? How much damage does a kobold take from stained glass when my Warlock's Repelling Blast knocks him 20 feet straight into it? And is that piercing or slashing damage? Does he get a saving throw? Does the window get a saving throw? I think someone at WOTC has seriously underestimated the importance and/or coolness of throwing the bad guys out the window in tabletop fantasy role playing games.

To say nothing of the absence of the Summon Window spell for just such dramatic purposes.

[strangebloke]

That dang halfling art. I see it in my dreams.

[DMThac0]

I'm tired of them trying to "fix" things by making "changes" to how the game works. I mean if you look at the current model for most games there's almost nothing new to them, you just play the same game with new color schemes and a slightly different map load out.

Where was my pre-order, DLC and P2W options?!

[VonKaiserstein]

The game has outpaced dice set technology. Retailers are still packing only 1 d20, rather than the two I need.

It seems so wasteful to buy 2 sets and have to throw out the unnecessary dice, just to avoid rerolls.

[noob]

I'm tired of them trying to "fix" things by making "changes" to how the game works. I mean if you look at the current model for most games there's almost nothing new to them, you just play the same game with new color schemes and a slightly different map load out.

Where was my pre-order, DLC and P2W options?!

In 5e for winning you need to buy the player manual and get that class called bard to win : it is 150% victory 110% bad-ass and 120% cool.
5e is so pay to win it is unfair: those without the bard class are forced to win less.
Maybe we should align all the classes on the bard.
So 1:Give each person the option to be a full caster no matter their class.
2:Make everyone have powers that unfairly makes its team just win.
3:give an extra attack per level to each character that is not a bard.
then finally bard will be balanced with the other classes.
alternatively we just remove the bard and people will go back to play moon bears druids.

[A Fat Dragon]

Too much dungeon, not enough dragon.

[Ganymede]

There is no way to make a ranged attack and a melee attack with the same attack, so there is no way to stack Sharpshooter and Great Weapon Master.

Also, why won't Jeremy Crawford accept my bribes for custom Twitter Rulings?

[Misterwhisper]

Strength can't be used for all charisma skills, If I am swole like a total Chad, I should be able to be all guns out if the Suns out and wrangle me some honeys.

How much of a tan can each race get, is using fake tanner a disguise check?

What is the dice roll to make is sure I smell nice, or what are the criteria for how much someone stinks, is there a rubric?

Where is my random chart to roll on for elf ear pointedness, half-orc tusk shape, dwarven beardedness, or gnomish oh who am I kidding nobody plays gnomes.

What do I roll to punch someone with their own hand going, "Stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself."
What if they are a monk, can I use their unarmed damage since I am making them hit themselves?

The PHB/DMG and other books should all be printed with sections on different colored paper.

There should be a list of what types of keys go into which locks.

I want more fluff about the dietary habits of the races.

[ad_hoc]

It needs a subtitle:

Definitely not 3rd edition

[PhoenixPhyre]

Too much dungeon, not enough dragon.

Username checks out. :smallsmile:

I actually try to involve at least one dragon in every introductory campaign, no matter how short. Can't have Dungeons and Dragons without dragons, after all.

[Ganymede]

I have a multiclass Fighter 5, Thief 5, and Druid 1, but I don't have any Bard powers. What went wrong!?

[PhoenixPhyre]

I have a multiclass Fighter 5, Thief 5, and Druid 1, but I don't have any Bard powers. What went wrong!?

Time travel. :smallsmile:

[Mr_Fixler]

Xanathars did not have enough names. I need names and don't know how to find more.

[Pex]

The encounters I have are dependent on who is DM that day. Every game it's something different. It's fun, but I want consistency!

[DrowPiratRobrts]

That dang halfling art. I see it in my dreams.

This is a safe place for jokes. If you have serious complaints like this, please do us a favor and keep your nightmarish word pictures to threads more suited for keeping us all from sleeping at night.


Where's the rules on Defenestration? Do I need to exceed the window's hit points / hardness score? How much damage does a kobold take from stained glass when my Warlock's Repelling Blast knocks him 20 feet straight into it? And is that piercing or slashing damage? Does he get a saving throw? Does the window get a saving throw? I think someone at WOTC has seriously underestimated the importance and/or coolness of throwing the bad guys out the window in tabletop fantasy role playing games.

We had a room rule in college where if someone left the bathroom door open while using it, the punishment was defenestration. I can't count the number of times I've defenestrated people. WotC, if you're listening, I'm willing to be hired as a temporary consultant to help write some rules that reflect reality but don't bog down the game. We really do need this.

[MilkmanDanimal]

I signed up for this D&D Beyond thing but it's not beyond it's like just all the D&D stuff but I was hoping for some content leaning towards a more existential RPG but no it's just characters and monsters and stuff so disappointed

[nickl_2000]

I signed up for this D&D Beyond thing but it's not beyond it's like just all the D&D stuff but I was hoping for some content leaning towards a more existential RPG but no it's just characters and monsters and stuff so disappointed

I have the same problem with Bed, Bath, and Beyond!

[The Cats]

According to many different people posting on here, the way to win is the Sorcerer King.

I lost it at this one.

[MilkmanDanimal]

I have the same problem with Bed, Bath, and Beyond!

Wait, you find D&D stats, books, and characters there? Man, my BB&B SUCKS in comparison, all they have is like plates and towels and crap.

[nickl_2000]

Wait, you find D&D stats, books, and characters there? Man, my BB&B SUCKS in comparison, all they have is like plates and towels and crap.

Yup.

The relaxation section currently has a special on Way of the Tranquility Monks.
The Bed section on Circle of Dream Druid
The Bath section on Tempest Clerics and Storm Sorcerers

[Misterwhisper]

The PHB needs to be about 30 pages thinner, it does not balance out my computer table correctly.

[OverLordOcelot]

There is no way to make a ranged attack and a melee attack with the same attack, so there is no way to stack Sharpshooter and Great Weapon Master.

This is not a problem with 5, you need to read the rules more carefully! Sharpshooter only requires that you attack with a ranged weapon, it doesn't require that you make a ranged attack. A longbow is a heavy weapon, and so qualifies for GWM if you're making a melee attack with it, and is also a ranged weapon, so qualifies for sharpshooter. Therefore if you smack people with your longbow in melee, you can use both feats together, and not even have to use ammunition! If you take a level of barbarian to get unarmed defense and rage, you can actually make the purest archer build in the game. Your equipment list just has 'longbow' with no arrows, armor, or any other silliness distracting from your purity of spirit.

[noob]

This is not a problem with 5, you need to read the rules more carefully! Sharpshooter only requires that you attack with a ranged weapon, it doesn't require that you make a ranged attack. A longbow is a heavy weapon, and so qualifies for GWM if you're making a melee attack with it, and is also a ranged weapon, so qualifies for sharpshooter. Therefore if you smack people with your longbow in melee, you can use both feats together, and not even have to use ammunition! If you take a level of barbarian to get unarmed defense and rage, you can actually make the purest archer build in the game. Your equipment list just has 'longbow' with no arrows, armor, or any other silliness distracting from your purity of spirit.
Cool.
If your ranged weapon is a slingstaff(it is totally a ranged weapon it is just that it is not statted yet) and that you then use it like a quarterstaff you might use simultaneously GWM, sharpshooter and PAM and thus have the ultimate ranged melee build.

[DMThac0]

Cool.
If your ranged weapon is a slingstaff(it is totally a ranged weapon it is just that it is not statted yet) and that you then use it like a quarterstaff you might use simultaneously GWM, sharpshooter and PAM and thus have the ultimate ranged melee build.

Tasslehoff Burrfoot's Hoopak would be so OP with this build...I need a kender now.

[Kane0]

No matter what I say or do, I cannot get other people to stop asking questions and roll the damn dice!
Is this athletics? Whats the DC? What is easy? Do i get advantage? Anybonuses from my boots? I dont care! GET ON WITH IT!

[No brains]

D&D and tabletop games as a whole have a problem where people just argue about rules for hours on end.

Now in a REAL sport, we run a bit, maybe hit something hard, THEN argue about rules for hours on end. Totally different.

[thoroughlyS]

It's been four years, and we only have one—ONE prestige class. Where are my five variations on a warrior that hunts spellcasters (where only one is good at it)? Where are my three different flavors each of necromancer, ninja, and pirate? Where are my obsure-order-of-priests-in-a-single-town-in-Faerûn? Why don't I have scores of full-spellcasting-progression classes that make better fighters than a fighter?

And why is the ranger the only class (https://www.dndbeyond.com/characters/classes/ranger) with (http://media.wizards.com/2015/downloads/dnd/UA3_ClassDesignVariants.pdf) five (http://media.wizards.com/2015/downloads/dnd/DX_0907_UA_RangerOptions.pdf) different (http://media.wizards.com/2016/dnd/downloads/UA_RevisedRanger.pdf) revisions (https://thinkdm.wordpress.com/hfh/revised-ranger-2018/)?

[1Pirate]

There's no class that can use constitution as a dump stat.

[thoroughlyS]

The weapons in this edition are too realistic. Where are my spiked chains and double-bladed swords?

[MilkmanDanimal]

Yup.

The relaxation section currently has a special on Way of the Tranquility Monks.
The Bed section on Circle of Dream Druid
The Bath section on Tempest Clerics and Storm Sorcerers

You gotta be careful where you pick up your subclasses, though. I picked up a Beastmaster Ranger, Four Elements Monk, and Purple Dragon Knight at Wal-Mart, and, man, do you get what you pay for. I shoulda gone to Target.

[Ganymede]

This is not a problem with 5, you need to read the rules more carefully!

I keep trying this, but every DM I have keeps saying "no, that's stupid and you're stupid," "yeet yourself out of my presence," and "don't talk to me or my son ever again." Clearly, 5e is broken.

[Lonely Tylenol]

According to many different people posting on here, the way to win is the Sorcerer King.

This is what got me. Kudos.

As for my list of grievances, it’s long:

- Lack of language support. Why do we have half-page visual alphabets for Draconic and Dwarven, but not Klingon, or Esperanto?

- Lack of environment diversity. Where are the random encounter tables for sex dungeons?

- The magical Bard instruments are too string-centric. Where is my Fochlucan Marimba? Doss Tuba? Mac-Fuirmidh Theramin?

- How has this edition been around so long without a single mention of a d43 roll? My scorpion-tail whip dice has been gathering dust for a decade now!

- There is definitely too much asymmetry between players. At every table I’ve played at, one of the players gets to roll their dice behind a big sheet of cardboard, and they keep deciding for us whether our actions succeed or failed! I think they’re god-moding...

- The lack of templates is a really sad departure from the previous editions. I want to play my Vampire Lycanthropoc Dragonborn Shadowborn Vegemite-Infested Steam-Powered Undead Re-Dead Half-Minotaur Half-Dragon Half-Half-Elf Half-Subaru Halfling! Also, what does “level adjustment” mean?

- When are you going to release my favorite class, the Truenamer?

The list goes on and on.

For that matter, WotC, why won’t you just hire me to fix all these problems for you? I’ve come in for a job interview six times now—without even being asked once! Why won’t you recognize my dedication, or at least lift the TRO?

[MilkmanDanimal]

Wizards of the Coast is like five miles from the water and that's Puget Sound they're nowhere near the coast Wizards of I-5 is more like it amirite

[Vorpalchicken]

This is what got me. Kudos.

As for my list of grievances, it’s long:

- Lack of language support. Why do we have half-page visual alphabets for Draconic and Dwarven, but not Klingon, or Esperanto?

- Lack of environment diversity. Where are the random encounter tables for sex dungeons?

- The magical Bard instruments are too string-centric. Where is my Fochlucan Marimba? Doss Tuba? Mac-Fuirmidh Theramin?

- How has this edition been around so long without a single mention of a d43 roll? My scorpion-tail whip dice has been gathering dust for a decade now!

- There is definitely too much asymmetry between players. At every table I’ve played at, one of the players gets to roll their dice behind a big sheet of cardboard, and they keep deciding for us whether our actions succeed or failed! I think they’re god-moding...

- The lack of templates is a really sad departure from the previous editions. I want to play my Vampire Lycanthropoc Dragonborn Shadowborn Vegemite-Infested Steam-Powered Undead Re-Dead Half-Minotaur Half-Dragon Half-Half-Elf Half-Subaru Halfling! Also, what does “level adjustment” mean?

- When are you going to release my favorite class, the Truenamer?

The list goes on and on.

For that matter, WotC, why won’t you just hire me to fix all these problems for you? I’ve come in for a job interview six times now—without even being asked once! Why won’t you recognize my dedication, or at least lift the TRO?

Doss Tuba is the name of the main villain in the next Star Wars movie who appears after Kylo Ren dies from drinking expired blue milk.

[DrowPiratRobrts]

My D&D didn't come with dice, which seem pretty central to playing the game. Instead my party has been using small rocks and acorns with scratches on them to roll our attacks until we can save up to get some real dice.

[EggKookoo]

Lack of a mechanic in which you make a check to see if you can determine the DC for the previous check.

[MadBear]

Character generation is severely lacking. The could really take a page from another time, another land and include much more detailed nuance on the traits my character has.

[DrowPiratRobrts]

XgtE talks about getting a rival during your campaign, but all my DM's NPCs like me better than him. Are there rules for this?

Edit: My DM also gave me a Charlatan's Die as a reward for completing a quest, but no matter how hard I try, I can't roll a 20 on all my attacks.

[Vorpalchicken]

Everyone talking while I try to kill stuff

[Mitsu]

According to many different people posting on here, the way to win is the Sorcerer King.

THE SORCERER KING VS 20 WIZARDS!!


Joking :P

I still don't know if I should roll for Consitution, Dexterity or Charisma when I try to wash with soap.... Rules are not clean.

[MilkmanDanimal]

My D&D didn't come with dice, which seem pretty central to playing the game. Instead my party has been using small rocks and acorns with scratches on them to roll our attacks until we can save up to get some real dice.

Our games are fun, but it seems like every campaign ends with a TPK by a giant squirrel.

[Laserlight]

"Everything is about either sex or money" -- some prestigious guy, probably

Well, in D&D we know how to make money, and even if you want to go at it in some weird way like "running a business" or "working for a wage", there are rules for that (not that I've ever seen anyone actually use them) . But are there rules on sex? Not hardly. Okay, there's Charm, Suggestion, and Dominate Person, and Silk Rope in the equipment list, but that's it. When the female halfling bard (it's always the bard) wants to hit on the male dragonborn bartender, how on earth am I supposed to adjudicate that? Is she making a skill challenge with multiple rolls needed? Does his CHA affect things? Obviously anyone can Do It with a human without any penalty, but what about other combinations of species? Do you get bonuses for successful Acrobatics rolls, or CON, or chainmail bikini AC...? Why have they left this vital area uncovered?

[JakOfAllTirades]

There's no class that can use constitution as a dump stat.

Moon Druid?

[JakOfAllTirades]

Also, I need Returning Vorpal ammo for my +5 Blunderbuss!

[Max_Killjoy]

Not enough basic combat maneuvers, techniques, and tricks locked away inside Feats or as Subclass Features.

[Pex]

5E causes nice friendly people to get agitated by someone else being wrong on the internet.

[Tanarii]

5E causes nice friendly people to get agitated by someone else being wrong on the internet.
You're wrong and I'll fight you about it.

[furby076]

The monster manual needs to include information on appropriate courtship rituals for the various intelligent monsters.

Why only intelligent? That's racist

[noob]

Why only intelligent? That's racist

Intelligent as meaning with an int value by opposition to stuff without an int value such as walls.

[Corran]

I am surprised that no one has mentioned the dice problem yet. You'd think that by now this would have been fixed, but 5e is just another edition where this problem remains. It's like the designers don't even care. Just pick a color for each die type and stick with it WotC! Make all d4's blue for example, all d6's green, etc. So that when I have to make a roll, I know instantly which die I am going to grab, and so that I don't have to waste time counting all the damned sides! It slows down play significantly! I am sorry, I know this is not an exclusive 5e problem, but 5e promised lots of things and I was hoping that this would be the edition that would finally address the elephant in the room.

[PhoenixPhyre]

I am surprised that no one has mentioned the dice problem yet. You'd think that by now this would have been fixed, but 5e is just another edition where this problem remains. It's like the designers don't even care. Just pick a color for each die type and stick with it WotC! Make all d4's blue for example, all d6's green, etc. So that when I have to make a roll, I know instantly which die I am going to grab, and so that I don't have to waste time counting all the damned sides! It slows down play significantly! I am sorry, I know this is not an exclusive 5e problem, but 5e promised lots of things and I was hoping that this would be the edition that would finally address the elephant in the room.

Like all proper players, I arrange my dice sets by size so all the dN are together, showing their maximum value on the face. Any confusion engendered by not following this best practice is your fault.

Note: I really do arrange my dice this way.

[EggKookoo]

Like all proper players, I arrange my dice sets by size so all the dN are together, showing their maximum value on the face. Any confusion engendered by not following this best practice is your fault.

Note: I really do arrange my dice this way.

I arrange my dice by their political preference.

[Laserlight]

Make all d4's blue for example, all d6's green, etc. So that when I have to make a roll, I know instantly which die I am going to grab, and so that I don't have to waste time counting all the damned sides! It slows down play significantly!

No, no, no! YELLOW d4. Green d6, blue d8, orange d10, red d12, white or black d20. That is the only correct color scheme.

(This actually does make it faster, and is used by StarGrunt and similar games for that reason, but it breaks down when you have 100d6 and 60d10 in various colors for games that use buckets o dice).

[Corran]

Like all proper players, I arrange my dice sets by size so all the dN are together, showing their maximum value on the face. Any confusion engendered by not following this best practice is your fault.

Note: I really do arrange my dice this way.
This would work fine, if it wasn't for the fact that if you place your d20's with the 20 pointing up, then you cannot roll a 20 during the rest of the session. It logically follows that the same must hold for the other types of dice. I mean, I am all for speeding up the game, but not at the expense of winning...


No, no, no! YELLOW d4. Green d6, blue d8, orange d10, red d12, white or black d20. That is the only correct color scheme.

Sigh... I hoped to avoid such a heavy and serious issue, but since you opened it, I cannot avoid responding. You are WRONG! Everyone knows that the CORRECT color scheme is this: d4 is (solid) black, d6 is (solid) red, d8 is (solid) blue, d10 is (solid) green, d12 is (solid) yellow, and d20 is (crystal) brown. Purple d6's and orange d20's can be allowed but only at DM's discretion. Everything else is heresy (with the exception of my own dice set obviously).
Edit: Forgot the d100. Green, same as the d10. Obviously...

[EggKookoo]

Sigh... I hoped to avoid such a heavy and serious issue, but since you opened it, I cannot avoid responding. You are WRONG! Everyone knows that the CORRECT color scheme is this: d4 is (solid) black, d6 is (solid) red, d8 is (solid) blue, d10 is (solid) green, d12 is (solid) yellow, and d20 is (crystal) brown. Purple d6's and orange d20's can be allowed but only at DM's discretion. Everything else is heresy (with the exception of my own dice set obviously).
Edit: Forgot the d100. Green, same as the d10. Obviously...

I think someone needs to tweet JC about this to clear it up.

[Laserlight]

Everyone knows that the CORRECT color scheme is this: d4 is (solid) black

When you drop such a mis-colored d4 on the floor, fail your PER-check-with-disadvantage, and say "Yeah, I'm sure I want to step over by the side table, why do YAAARGH!", you'll regret your grievous error. Heretic.

[noob]

When you drop such a mis-colored d4 on the floor, fail your PER-check-with-disadvantage, and say "Yeah, I'm sure I want to step over by the side table, why do YAAARGH!", you'll regret your grievous error. Heretic.

four sided dice and miniature Eiffel towers are the bane of feet and of sitting.

[Toofey]

Not enough emotes.

[Kurald Galain]

Casters don't deal enough dawizard.

[noob]

Casters don't deal enough dawizard.

nobody inflicts enough spiked gauntlets.

[EggKookoo]

nobody inflicts enough spiked gauntlets.

Reminds me of a magic gauntlet I made for an upcoming campaign. It flies off the hand and makes a ranged attack, then returns to the hand. Of course I called the feature Screw Crusher Punch.

[noob]

It was an obscure reference about hammers dealing spiked gauntlet damage instead of dealing the damage of a spiked gauntlet.

[No brains]

Verging on a complaint, but I think the pay-to-win and lootbox situations are presently fine.

[noob]

Verging on a complaint, but I think the pay-to-win and lootbox situations are presently fine.

I think 5e is very pay to win either you buy the player manual and win with the bard or you plain simply do not win.

[No brains]

I think 5e is very pay to win either you buy the player manual and win with the bard or you plain simply do not win.

You callin' clerics F2P noobs? This community if full of toxic elitists. I'm playing D&D with Yuan-Ti here. SO much venom.

[noob]

You callin' clerics F2P noobs? This community if full of toxic elitists. I'm playing D&D with Yuan-Ti here. SO much venom.

I am a noob and the latest character I played was a cleric.
So I am among the F2P cleric playing noobs.

[No brains]

I am a noob and the latest character I played was a cleric.
So I am among the F2P cleric playing noobs.

Forgive me, I forgot a comma, I should have said, "You calling clerics F2P, noobs?"
Anyway, you deserve a medal for that reply. Here. :smallsmile:

[Kane0]

Warlock is complete BS. Not only is it the easymode spam class with its EB it’s also the special snowflake that gets TWO subclass choices as well as special casting and invocations. Oh yeah, plus the pay to win Hexblade if that wasnt enough!

[thoroughlyS]

Warlock is complete BS. Not only is it the easymode spam class with its EB it’s also the special snowflake that gets TWO subclass choices as well as special casting and invocations. Oh yeah, plus the pay to win Hexblade if that wasnt enough!
(Too real, man. Too real.)

[Tanarii]

I arrange my dice by their political preference.
What happens if your d20 is pro-monarchy but your character is a republican?

[JoeJ]

I arrange my dice by their political preference.

I arrange my dice by their sexual preference.

[Calimehter]

5E causes nice friendly people to get agitated by someone else being wrong on the internet.

The obvious fix here is to nerf the internet so that optimizers will stop using it.

[EggKookoo]

What happens if your d20 is pro-monarchy but your character is a republican?

Why, TPK of course.

[2D8HP]

Chainmail Bikini Babes and Shirtless Thewed Barbarians are woefully underrepresented in the art.


Indeed, are there any works of art not improved by shirtless barbarians and chainmail bikinis?

I went to see the "Guernica" painting in Spain, they told me it was Picasso's meditation on the nature of war, but was Red Sonja or Conan beheading a dude in it?

NO!

TOTALLY LAME PABLO!

I mean war without Conan or Red Sonja?

FOR SHAME!


...Needs more tentacles.


Hey now, it's a family game!


According to many different people posting on here, the way to win is the Sorcerer King.


It's amazing how many different people post that build.

Kismet it is.


I can buy a steel mirror, but if I want a silver mirror I'm SOL. Similarly, I cannot actually buy boots or a cloak anymore unless I am buying a magical cloak. Guess we're all supposed to play halflings and use cheap mirrors? This equipment list oversight completely ruins this edition for me, I'm going to go back to 1e where I had multiple types of boots in the base equipment list.


It's the lack of much needed polearms that gets to me.

Where's my Bardiche, Bec de Corbin, Bill-Guisame, Fauchard, Fauchard-Fork, Glaive, Glaive-Guisarme, Guisarme, Guisarme-Voulge, Partisan, Ranseur, Spetum, Corseque, Karseke, Couteaux de Breche, Chances Souris, Ransom, Rhonda, Rancie, Runka, Scorpion, and Boheimian Ear Spoon?

WHAT KIND OF LAME WEAPONS LIST DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A COUTEAUX DE BRECHE, AND A BOHEMIAN EAR SPOON?!

AND WHERE'S MY IRON RATIONS?!

[Petrocorus]

Chainmail Bikini Babes and Shirtless Thewed Barbarians are woefully underrepresented in the art.

OK
I am totally working on a Chainmail Bikini magic item now.

[Skylivedk]

False marketing! I wanted to be a player with dungeons and dragons and all I got was a lame book with elves and halflings. What kind of a handbook is that?

[Skylivedk]

The game is broken. My level twenty fighter can only use two swords at the same time. When the arcane cleric use Mordenkainen's Sword and Spiritual Weapon, he gets four. Imba!

It needs a patch. My maps don't load.

I'm tired of starting over every time I play, where's the save function?

With the recommended adventuring day, every session takes at least 11 hours. Also I don't have enough beds in my house for when the party needs a long rest.

Really bad character generator. Once you've rolled your character, you can't see your sheet.

I can't even gather all my dice in six seconds, how am I supposed to do a turn?

Serious lag spikes. Every time I move, everybody's in a new place.

They told me, I got dark vision. I turned off the lights and can't see s***.

They only included Dragonborn. They're missing a race.

I've a PhD in history and the ale prices are way off!

The removal of stacking static modifiers is discrimination towards daggers and spiked gauntlets.

[JoeJ]

Why do they include useless options, like anything other than sorcerer king?

[hymer]

Countless, consistent misspelling. The correct spellings are obviously diety, kobald, rouge, shepard, and sorceror.

[Asmotherion]

There is no +3 legendary bikini to relieve femele players of their heavy full plate.

No mechanics for smoking.

Everything tastes the same. i'd rather order a cheap ale (1sp) than an expensive glass of whiskey (5sp) eventhough i prefear the latter when both will taste the same to me. :P

New voice actors need to be hired Asap. Everyone other than the PCs has the same freaking voice!

NPCs don't always load. They may surprise you with their presence in a scene by contributing spontaneously to the plot. Please note that those are unrelated to the effects of Stealth and/or invisibility.

Some cutscenes have a lot of backround noise.

The autosave feature can be a double edge sword; sometimes you save at points after you made a crappy choice :P Sometimes the autosave does not save all your save files and you loose some exp loot and other valuables. it is advised to manually save those in case the autosave fails you.

[noob]

Countless, consistent misspelling. The correct spellings are obviously diety, kobald, rouge, shepard, and sorceror.

Also dawizards and spiked gauntlets are the two forms of harm.

[Petrocorus]

This is ridiculous, so i needed to do it.

THE CHAINMAIL BIKINI
Wondrous item, rare (requires attunement by a female humanoïd)

As long as you don't wear any armor or clothing on your torso and upper legs other that this item, you gain the following benefits.

You're permanently under the effect of a Mage Armor spell. This effect is invisible.
You gain a +1 bonus to AC and saving throws.
You suffer no harm from being in a hot or cold environment. You can exist comfortably in conditions between -50 and 140 degrees Fahrenheit without having to make any saves. Your equipment is likewise protected. This doesn't provide any protection against fire or cold damage.
You can choose to be considered as wearing a light armor for the purpose of spells and class features.

[DrowPiratRobrts]

This would work fine, if it wasn't for the fact that if you place your d20's with the 20 pointing up, then you cannot roll a 20 during the rest of the session. It logically follows that the same must hold for the other types of dice. I mean, I am all for speeding up the game, but not at the expense of winning...

An easy way to fix this is to have all the 1's facing up. Then you can still tell them apart by number, and as an added bonus you won't roll a 1 for the rest of the session.

[DrowPiratRobrts]

ALSO: I've been searching the WotC website but I cannot find A) How to purchase their in-game currency, and B) Where to go to buy limited edition skins for my character. Has anyone else found access to this feature?

[Skylivedk]

ALSO: I've been searching the WotC website but I cannot find A) How to purchase their in-game currency, and B) Where to go to buy limited edition skins for my character. Has anyone else found access to this feature?

Nope, but I did find all the pay2win items in another book. I guess it's kinda like a premium subscription. It's buggy as hell though. Nothing happens when I click the items.

[nickl_2000]

ALSO: I've been searching the WotC website but I cannot find A) How to purchase their in-game currency, and B) Where to go to buy limited edition skins for my character. Has anyone else found access to this feature?


Nope, but I did find all the pay2win items in another book. I guess it's kinda like a premium subscription. It's buggy as hell though. Nothing happens when I click the items.

Clearly you are doing it wrong. The P2P option goes to the DM not to WotC directly. Depending on the DM, you may also be able to pay in pizza, beer, or snacks.

[Laserlight]

Clearly you are doing it wrong. The P2P option goes to the DM not to WotC directly. Depending on the DM, you may also be able to pay in pizza, beer, or snacks.


Wait, you're paying for content (to wotc) and also server access (dm)? I've been doing this wrong...

[Kadesh]

Is there clarification yet on whether you can breathe between making your attack action and using Shield Master? Does declaring you are using Shield Master prevent you from actually using shield master, because it's not actually specified 'when' you must take it, other than after, and does after mean after, or sometime in the next six months?

[Skylivedk]

Clearly you are doing it wrong. The P2P option goes to the DM not to WotC directly. Depending on the DM, you may also be able to pay in pizza, beer, or snacks.

Hold up, so the DM is the sw33t l00tz generator? I thought it was supposed to be the physics engine. No wonder the falling mechanics are completely Super Mario. Whenever we beer2win the world gets glitchy. Also, beer2win mechanics are quite bad. Sometimes we pay to get Holy Avenger and we get TPK. I want my beer back.

[furby076]

Intelligent as meaning with an int value by opposition to stuff without an int value such as walls.

whats wrong with walls?

[Pex]

whats wrong with walls?

https://i.postimg.cc/Z5hvFkPN/umnevermind.gif

[MrWesson22]

For a game that is 50% about dungeons, where are the torture rules? What kind of damage does being racked do? Where are the stat blocks for the guards/torturers?

[qube]

> > whats wrong with walls?

https://i.postimg.cc/Z5hvFkPN/umnevermind.gifTrebuchets, adamantine weaponry, just plain gigantic high strength monsters, and of course, magic.

https://media.giphy.com/media/QA88yMhazfDI4/giphy.gif

[hymer]

Hold up, so the DM is the sw33t l00tz generator? I thought it was supposed to be the physics engine. No wonder the falling mechanics are completely Super Mario. Whenever we beer2win the world gets glitchy. Also, beer2win mechanics are quite bad. Sometimes we pay to get Holy Avenger and we get TPK. I want my beer back.
This is what happens when you play on a private server. Sooner or later the whole thing is going to go Lanky Bugger on you. Also, beer2win is very much dependent on the capacity on the individual host. Sometimes it just swamps the system and it slows up or shuts down, especially if there's full uptake due to previous low feeding.

[KorvinStarmast]

I arrange my dice by their political preference. I arrange mine by flavor.


Where's my Boheimian Ear Spoon? It's right over there, next to the glaive (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0136.html). Oooh, the cat's eaten it!


AND WHERE'S MY IRON RATIONS?! Right next to your MREs. https://www.mreinfo.com/images/mre-design/mre_bag-1995-no8-ham_slice.jpg
This is ridiculous, so i needed to do it.
THE CHAINMAIL BIKINI
Wondrous item, rare (requires attunement by a female humanoïd)

As long as you don't wear any armor or clothing on your torso and upper legs other that this item, you gain the following benefits.

You're permanently under the effect of a Mage Armor spell. This effect is invisible.
You gain a +1 bonus to AC and saving throws.
You suffer no harm from being in a hot or cold environment. You can exist comfortably in conditions between -50 and 140 degrees Fahrenheit without having to make any saves. Your equipment is likewise protected. This doesn't provide any protection against fire or cold damage.
You can choose to be considered as wearing a light armor for the purpose of spells and class features.


Laughed, I did.

Where are the stat blocks for the guards/torturers? Right next to the stat block for DM.

[Eldan]

The rules for graplling and turning undead need at least 1 page of more rules. I want grappling and turning undead needing 12-step-flowcharts to understand but the book not actually providing those. That way the true and worthy players can be elevated to their rightful place. /s

Edit: Perception should be divided in Listen, Search, Spot, Smell, Touch, Look Closely, Spot Distantly, Sense Equilibrium, Taste, Perceive Pain and Search Pockets.

Why must you be so exclusive to the senses of heat and hunger?

[Imbalance]

whats wrong with walls?

I'm very fond of this quote from Reddit:

"Monsters are bred in labyrinths, labyrinths are bred from walls. There is a reason the Giants choose to remain nomadic rather than follow their shield kin the Nords in building permenant settlements. The Tower is the beginning of all walls." ~Anon_Monon

OT - I feel like WotC has dropped the ball by not increasing the amount of skin-absorbed addictive chemical that they blend into the ink of their printed products. A subtle (untraceable, perhaps) amount works well for making hordes of MtG players into zombies repeat customers, but those are handled at a far greater frequency by the grubby mits of the intended audience. D&D players, on the other hand, typically only purchase a handful of source books. Even completists who must own everything probably aren't getting enough exposure to the endorphin-triggering substances that make them ravenous for play. Now, there is something to be said for the compulsory fumes released by painted miniatures, but that's really only useful to prod casual hobbyists to graduate to full-on hoarders.

I submit that bold action must be taken to correct this misstep. For the next realease, Wizards should brace for the initial hit of a "poor quality production run" by selling a first wave of materials printed using inks that are almost entirely composed of their secret additive. Naturally, this ink will smudge from every copy directly onto the fingertips of unsuspecting early adopters. Of course, a free replacement copy will be issued immediately, but let them keep the originals to "pass along to a friend." I'd wager that the test marketing results will speak for themselves.

[EggKookoo]

The rules for graplling and turning undead need at least 1 page of more rules. I want grappling and turning undead needing 12-step-flowcharts to understand but the book not actually providing those. That way the true and worthy players can be elevated to their rightful place. /s

Edit: Perception should be divided in Listen, Search, Spot, Smell, Touch, Look Closely, Spot Distantly, Sense Equilibrium, Taste, Perceive Pain and Search Pockets.

Just don't flip out (http://www.darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0233.html).

[Sahe]

The complete lack of rules for physical romantic interaction with the various creature types is a severe oversight of fifth edition. I think Wizards can still fix the problem by releasing a "Swordcoast Romantic Adventurer's Guide". Although my hopes are low, I bet especially Bard players and DMs everywhere would greatly appreciate such a book.

Some suggested content:
- Foreword: Respect and Consent (VERY IMPORTANT)
- Romantic Adventures in Faerun: Humans and humanoids
- How to court a dragon and other fantastical beings
- New Monstrous Player races: Succubus/Incubus, Satyr and Siren
- The Pantheon of Love: Eros and other gods
- New Items: Magical and Mundane sex toys and how to use them
- NEW Subclasses:
-- Love and Lust Domains for the Cleric
-- Circle of Spring for Druids
-- Oath of Fertility for Paladins
- New and creative uses for existing Spells, Skills and Tool Proficiencies
- ...

[KorvinStarmast]

- New Items: Magical and Mundane sex toys and how to use them
- New and creative uses for existing Spells, Skills and Tool Proficiencies
- ...
Already in the game:
1. Toys: Staff of Charming
Staff of Power (OK, for the ones who want to star in a Dark Brothers movie)
Staff of Striking (For the BDSM folks)
Staff of the Python (Self Explanatory, I think)

2. Spells:
Shillelagh
The wood of a club or quarterstaff you are holding is imbued with nature’s power.

Better stop there.

I'll be here all week, try the lamb, and don't forget to tip your waitress.

[nickl_2000]

Already in the game:

1. Toys: Staff of Charming
Staff of Power (OK, for the one who want to star in a Dark Brothers movie)
Staff of Striking (For the BDSM folks)
Staff of the Python (Self Explanatory, I thing)

2. Spells:
Shillelagh
The wood of a club or quarterstaff you are holding is imbued with nature’s power.

Better stop there.

I'll be here all week, try the lamb, and don't forget to tip your waitress.

Let's not forget
immovable rod - just use your imagination
Wand of polymorph - furry?
Rod of tentacles - use your imagination again

[Petrocorus]

- New Items: Magical and Mundane sex toys and how to use them

Before even talking about this, maybe let's talk about Ring of Infertility, Potions of Lesser Restoration and Staff of Bestow Curse: Infertility.

That reminds me of a thread we had a few years back on the 3.5 forum about prostitution in a high magic setting.

[MilkmanDanimal]

The complete lack of rules for physical romantic interaction with the various creature types is a severe oversight of fifth edition. I think Wizards can still fix the problem by releasing a "Swordcoast Romantic Adventurer's Guide". Although my hopes are low, I bet especially Bard players and DMs everywhere would greatly appreciate such a book.

Some suggested content:
- Foreword: Respect and Consent (VERY IMPORTANT)
- Romantic Adventures in Faerun: Humans and humanoids
- How to court a dragon and other fantastical beings
- New Monstrous Player races: Succubus/Incubus, Satyr and Siren
- The Pantheon of Love: Eros and other gods
- New Items: Magical and Mundane sex toys and how to use them
- NEW Subclasses:
-- Love and Lust Domains for the Cleric
-- Circle of Spring for Druids
-- Oath of Fertility for Paladins
- New and creative uses for existing Spells, Skills and Tool Proficiencies
- ...

I, for one, feel an official F.A.T.A.L. to 5e conversion is long past due.

[DrowPiratRobrts]

This is what happens when you play on a private server. Sooner or later the whole thing is going to go Lanky Bugger on you. Also, beer2win is very much dependent on the capacity on the individual host. Sometimes it just swamps the system and it slows up or shuts down, especially if there's full uptake due to previous low feeding.

Yeah, but I like the bugs better than the ones that show up on WotC official servers. Like the patch they posted recently that stops you from being able to put gold in your inventory. Everyone went bonkers! Then there's the issues with matchmaking where you don't end up playing on the same server all the time and each server has slightly different rules/physics engines/RNGsus...It's really a Catch-22.

[KorvinStarmast]

Before even talking about this, maybe let's talk about Ring of Infertility, Potions of Lesser Restoration and Staff of Bestow Curse: Infertility.

That reminds me of a thread we had a few years back on the 3.5 forum about prostitution in a high magic setting. You left out the Staff of Withering. :smalleek:

[Petrocorus]

You left out the Staff of Withering. :smalleek:

Why would you want someone to have disadvantage on Strength and Constit check and saves in this kind of situations? I'm sorry, i don't get the joke?

[hymer]

Why would you want someone to have disadvantage on Strength and Constit check and saves in this kind of situations? I'm sorry, i don't get the joke?
A staff that withers, wilts, and slackens? Goes with the infertility theme? Sorry not tonight, I have a head ache? I don't get it either.

[nickl_2000]

Man this forum needs an upvote and/or like feature. There as so many good posts on this thread.

[KorvinStarmast]

I, for one, feel an official F.A.T.A.L. to 5e conversion is long past due. Possibly in draft, and available at DM's Guilder soon?
*oops, sorry, I need to clean up the vomit ...*

Why would you want someone to have disadvantage on Strength and Constit check and saves in this kind of situations? I'm sorry, i don't get the joke? The joke is in the name of the staff, and follows on with the items you had suggested.


Before even talking about this, maybe let's talk about Ring of Infertility, Potions of Lesser Restoration and Staff of Bestow Curse: Infertility.

Yeah, I know, don't quit my day job. :smallcool:

[nickl_2000]

The joke is in the name of the staff, and follows on with the items you had suggested.

Yeah, I know, don't quit my day job. :smallcool:

I laughed when I read it

[noob]

Poor quality control! The Starter Set says that it has everything you need to play a game, but I looked everywhere and I can't find the DM anywhere. I've heard that this problem is widespread. I'm sending my set back to try to get a copy that isn't missing components.

What is more scandalous is that it does not even comes with players nor with the parts to create players nor a guide to create players: it is as if they expected people to steal players.

[hymer]

the parts to create players
Oh, the staff of withering? No wait...

[KorvinStarmast]

does not even comes with players nor with the parts to create players nor a guide to create players Somewhere, in a village near a castle in some unnamed central European town, a doctor is busily digging bodies out of the cemetery ... looking for just the right body to unify these two themes (https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/291fc493-c3f5-4d58-bf7e-0a03123de45c), and for the lulz (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epkdangGuow).

[Laserlight]

Monsters need automation, right now they apparently only come in manual.

[MilkmanDanimal]

Monsters need automation, right now they apparently only come in manual.

No, no, they're in Volo's and Mordenkainen's as well.

[noob]

No, no, they're in Volo's and Mordenkainen's as well.

Does those monsters have programs?
3.5 have programs for monsters in order to help gms that are computers pretending to be human and living with belief in some concept called RAW.

[nickl_2000]

Does those monsters have programs?
3.5 have programs for monsters in order to help gms that are computers pretending to be human and living with belief in some concept called RAW.

It may help to go with some after market monsters. Kobold Press has a Tome and a Codex that may work better for you.

[Willie the Duck]

Kobold Press has a Tome and a Codex that may work better for you.

Going with an earlier joke, is Kobold Press what you use to squeeze out extra-virgin kobold oil?

[hymer]

I was sent a copy of OotA, and everything on it was upside down. Every single page, all text, every illustration, even the cover was upside down. I have to turn it around just to read it.

[No brains]

No similarity to the D&D toon classes. They don't even have acrobats or magicians anymore!

[GreyBlack]

I have a multiclass Fighter 5, Thief 5, and Druid 1, but I don't have any Bard powers. What went wrong!?

Full disclosure, but I actually am sad that later edition bards don't really retain their druidic roots. The bards were an actual thing in Celtic culture. But that's off topic.

Biggest problem with 5e? Everything is too balanced. How am I supposed to impress everyone if I'm not so laser focused optimized on one specific aspect of the game to the detriment of everything else?

[EggKookoo]

No option to port my character into WoW.

[noob]

No option to port my character into WoW.

It would break wow hard to bring your mirage arcana spamming wizard which is why it is not allowed.
On the other hand you need hours to drown the monsters in your mirage arcana and anything that hits you kills you but by going and casting mirage arcana you can probably break the game hard and the 24 hour cooldown does not matter if you swap wizards for each casting(the 10 minutes casting time is more bothering)

[MilkmanDanimal]

Going with an earlier joke, is Kobold Press what you use to squeeze out extra-virgin kobold oil?

Answering that question would require me to spend far too much time speculating on the dating habits of kobolds.

[nickl_2000]

Answering that question would require me to spend far too much time speculating on the dating habits of kobolds.

Which there is neither rules for in volos nor lore about in volos or the monster manual!

[KorvinStarmast]

Going with an earlier joke, is Kobold Press what you use to squeeze out extra-virgin kobold oil? yes, yes it is. (In editions before monsters were people ... oh, wait, even NPCs were monsters! That means "Stop the Presses" meant something else)

[No brains]

I can't find the cheat codes.

[hymer]

I can't find the cheat codes.
Look up pizza2win. Works on most platforms.

[JoeJ]

I can't find the cheat codes.

Or the cheetah codes, either.

[EggKookoo]

I can't find the cheat codes.

It took me a while but on your character sheet, press this order: STR CON STR CON DEX DEX DEX CHA and then tap your level box.

Wait, have upgraded your character sheet's firmware, right? Otherwise this won't work and might delete your character. Make a backup first.

[Spore]

Metaphorical the weight of responsibility is the most "pressing" problem.

Literally, the most pressing problem is a motherflipping grapple build.

[Skylivedk]

Or the cheetah codes, either.

They're here: dnd 5e - What is the Fastest a Character Can Move in One Turn ...
https://rpg.stackexchange.com › questions

[Skylivedk]

Metaphorical the weight of responsibility is the most "pressing" problem.

Literally, the most pressing problem is a motherflipping grapple build.

Definitely not.

The most pressing problem is whether or not Unseen Servant can write. If yes, press is solved. Unfortunately, 5e is very unclear on that.

[Shuruke]

Don't mind me not fighting I have to tell get him spot to my dog every 6 seconds and walk him to who needs bit

[Son of A Lich!]

Movement controls are wonky. My players are supposed to go to Waterdeep, and they have a map of the area, but google maps doesn't recognize the city. We've been driving around for an hour and a half hoping to find it somewhere around here.

Rogue is a bizarre class full of misprints - As it stands, it has nothing to do with make up at all.

I have to commend the game developers to tie in taking breaks from the game play for an hour to 8 hours for in game benefits. Lets see how that works out in the market strategy.

I thought I was going to be recruiting people to Satanism, but the DMG has nothing to offer in support. Figures...


Definitely not.

The most pressing problem is whether or not Unseen Servant can write. If yes, press is solved. Unfortunately, 5e is very unclear on that.

I s'pose that would be a moveable type, eh? Eh?

:D

*Grabs coat and leaves*

[EggKookoo]

I thought I was going to be recruiting people to Satanism, but the DMG has nothing to offer in support. Figures...

Instructions unclear. I now worship Santa.

[Lonely Tylenol]

Literally, the most pressing problem is a motherflipping grapple build.

Real talk? My party’s Barbarian just yeeted my plate-wearing badass boss encounter off a moving ship at full health. Seems OP, pls nerf

[rlc]

Needs more cowbell.

[Brotherbock]

No 1st Ed. DMG table to determine chance of getting a parasitic infection from eating undercooked meat.




It's 5%, if you're interested.

[Petrocorus]

No 1st Ed. DMG table to determine chance of getting a parasitic infection from eating undercooked meat.


It's 5%, if you're interested.
In 5E, this would be a Constitution saves.
We obviously need charts and tables for the Save DC depending on the type of meat, environment, and degree of cooking.

[MilkmanDanimal]

Instructions unclear. I now worship Santa.

As a dyslexic Great Old One Warlock, my patron is one of the elder dogs.

[No brains]

No 1st Ed. DMG table to determine chance of getting a parasitic infection from eating undercooked meat.




It's 5%, if you're interested.


In 5E, this would be a Constitution saves.
We obviously need charts and tables for the Save DC depending on the type of meat, environment, and degree of cooking.

They streamlined things too hard by making Purify Food and Drink a 1st-level ritual spell. You may now eat garbage to your heart's content without any risk of disease. It makes celebratory feasts and cooking skills less impactful.

[noob]

As a dyslexic Great Old One Warlock, my patron is one of the elder dogs.

I am quite sure the elder dogs are more powerful than the elder gods.

[Son of A Lich!]

As a dyslexic Great Old One Warlock, my patron is one of the elder dogs.


Instructions unclear. I now worship Santa.


I am quite sure the elder dogs are more powerful than the elder gods.

*Throttles DMG*

HOW DO I FIX THIS!? This doesn't have anything to do with Satanism at all!

[Brotherbock]

In 5E, this would be a Constitution saves.
We obviously need charts and tables for the Save DC depending on the type of meat, environment, and degree of cooking.


They streamlined things too hard by making Purify Food and Drink a 1st-level ritual spell.

Exactly. There is way too much room for subjective GM decisions in 5E. Give me a table and a die and let me know the chances that my boot laces break on a given morning of my quest.


You may now eat garbage to your heart's content without any risk of disease. It makes celebratory feasts and cooking skills less impactful.

Eating undercooked meat that also came from the garbage would make it a 6% chance, FYI. Wash it down with polluted water in a jungle environment and you're up to 16%.

And somehow, even then, there's a 30% chance that your parasitic infestation will be in your skin/hair.

[Laserlight]

As far as I can tell, there is no support at all for Fuel Air Explosions. The enclosed dungeon is pretty much the perfect environment to use it. Any PC can have flour or coal dust or oil, then all you need is Gust to disperse it and Firebolt to ignite it, so for a few silver in supplies and a couple of cantrips you could clear a whole cavern with one BOOM....except the rules stop without even mentioning deflagration or blast effects or anything. What an unbelievable tease.

[Brotherbock]

As far as I can tell, there is no support at all for Fuel Air Explosions. The enclosed dungeon is pretty much the perfect environment to use it. Any PC can have flour or coal dust or oil, then all you need is Gust to disperse it and Firebolt to ignite it, so for a few silver in supplies and a couple of cantrips you could clear a whole cavern with one BOOM....except the rules stop without even mentioning deflagration or blast effects or anything. What an unbelievable tease.

Not to mention no comprehensive table of fuse burning time by material composition and magical/nonmagical nature of the flame. Does a gnome-hair woven fuse dipped in wax burn faster or slower than extruded hippogriff fat? How the heck am I supposed to know?

[sithlordnergal]

I have to interact with other people in order to play. 0/10, will not play again.

[noob]

I have to interact with other people in order to play. 0/10, will not play again.

True.
When will we get a dvd to play dnd 5e alone together with the core set?