D&D funnies that keep the table groaning

[KorvinStarmast]

I am not sure how recent this joke is, but it got me chuckling. It's the kind of comment a player or DM will make at the table that will likely elicit groans.

https://i.stack.imgur.com/6dyEo.jpg
(Drow speak with an Australian accent because they come from a land down under).

I'd like to suggest we collect a nice pile of groan inducing One Liners for the use of all and sundry in getting our fellow players and DMs to groan at the table.

Criteria:
a. One sentence or less.
b. Include a pun or play on words
c. Optional inclusion: the table's reaction the first time you dropped that line on them.

It's OK to include the "set up line" if the one liner was set up by a particular situation or comment by someone else at the table.

Lets get groaning! :smallbiggrin:

(I'd prefer 5e specific gags, but general D&D gags are OK)

We had one last week that got me groaning. We met a very old human who was known for keeping a pile of lore and during the conversation it became clear that he was a warlock during his adventuring career. The interaction was going OK as we had a meal together. For reasons that only make sense at our table, our host leaned forward and broke wind.
And of course, our rogue immediately quipped "Ah, so that's an eldritch blast"
Groans erupted

[redjinx]

Not mine, but:
https://www.reddit.com/r/DMDadJokes/comments/513py3/longi_once_spent_two_and_a_half_months_setting_up/
I laughed for a solid minute when I read this.

[DarkKnightJin]

Setup: Port town, heavy with naval traffic. A group of mages divine what the weather will be like for the next few days, so ships know when and where storms will be around the island. When pressed for a name, the DM couldn't think of one.
My suggestion(which became canon): "...Wizards of the Coast?"

That got an eyeroll and a groan or 2 from the table.

[Kane0]

Player 1: I want to seduce the dryad, would being able to cast Tree Shape give me a bonus?
Player 2: In fantasy faerun, dryad enters you!

[Astofel]

The setup: one of the players was a child prodigy arcane trickster, and the party has just ""infiltrated"" the bad guys' keep, where a grumpy old wizard lives. The arcane trickster decided it would be a good idea to pester the wizard to teach her some spells.
The wizard: "Sure, I'll teach you a spell. It's called Expeditious Retreat, now SCRAM!"

[Randomthom]

One I wrote for my comedian Bard;
Did you hear about the Kara-Turi twin necromancers? It turns out that two Wongs can make a Wight!

[Agent-KI7KO]

Inquisitor: Greetings, I am Junior Knight Inquisitor Of the Church of The Red Knight. My name is Truce De’Claired, Cleric of the War Domain.

Group groans IRL, except my friend.

Inquisitor: This is my senior and partner, Paladin Killog of Clan Khorne.

Paladin: Killog flexes, his clan’s signature flex. You could say it’s Killog’s Khorne Flex.

Group facepalms, except my friend and I, high-fiving.

[TrashTrash]

(Context: First battle in one of our first campaigns for my current group, three goblins appeared. Took place during the battle, between DM and our Fighter.)

DM: So, (TrashTrash)'s arrow, while it missed, has scared the goblin she was aiming for into a nearby bush.
Fighter: My turn. I attack the bush with the goblin in it. *crit fail*

DM: Well, since that failed, you are now attacking a different bush with no goblin inside. The bush goblin is very confused, but that's it.

I even drew the scene out and presented it to (Fighter) as a gift. Now, whenever someone gets a crit fail but continues their action, someone announces "Wrong bush!" very loudly. (Fighter) has a good sense of humor about it, don't worry.