View Full Version : Spells Abridged: A-B-R-I...
dragoeniex
2019-02-26, 11:13 PM
Awaken: And now the bard really is dumber than a post.
Call Lightning: It misses you.
Cloudkill: Shockingly ineffective at killing clouds.
Counterspell: OBJECTION!
Death Ward: 20th Level Larry's Sunscreen, SPF Power Word Kill.
False Life: but True Resurrection.
Friends: You'll never regret this decision if you just think about it a minute.
Grease: Years of arcane studies... and you learned how to cast butter.
Infernal Calling: Don't answer.
Maddening Darkness: The warlock left her relaxation tape on again.
Maze: Cleanup mooks while you force their boss to solve the back of a cereal box.
Pass Without a Trace: Getting by with your roguish charm.
Protection from Energy: Gain resistance to damage from elements and morning people.
Reverse Gravity: Rocks float, everyone flies.
Scatter: Avengers, disassemble!
Skywrite: The pantheon's post-it note.
Thaumaturgy: It's not a phase, All-Father!
Weird: Could've sworn we had another ninth level spell lying around somewhere...
Luccan
2019-02-26, 11:42 PM
Spare the Dying: When you can't bowl a True Strike
DarkKnightJin
2019-02-26, 11:57 PM
Bless: When they just can't. Stop. Sneezing.
hymer
2019-02-27, 02:08 AM
Conjure Elemental: Say hello to my little friend.
Disintegrate: Dust to dust.
Dominate Beast: This is my t-rex. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
Find Traps: So close and yet so far.
Finger of Death: You may be a king or a li'l street sweeper, but sooner or later you'll dance with the reaper.
Fireball: Orc prevention device.
Goodberry: Getting back on your feet one toe at a time.
Healing Word: "Surgery".
Heat Metal: And you thought it was just a silly taboo.
Hold Person: Lancashire hotpot. No, no: Irish stew!
Invisibility: Making yourself scarce since '74.
Leomund's Tiny Hut: Any hut in a storm.
Locate Object: Purse, keys, glasses. Especially glasses.
Longstrider: I don't have to outrun the troll, just you.
Power Word Kill: When you gotta go, you gotta go.
Raise Dead: Encore! Encore!
Shillelagh: No, that's not how you pronounce it.
Silence: The proverbial tall glass of shut-up juice.
Sleet Storm: Only you can prevent burning orphanages.
Thorn Whip: I said, come here!
Wrath of Nature: Get off my lawn.
Son of A Lich!
2019-02-27, 04:27 AM
Healing Word: "Surgery".
Barbarian: My Cleric comes in a little glass vial...
Party: A Little Glass Vial?
Barbarian: A little Glass vial, which goes down the back of the throat of the bard with healing energy
"Energy"
Barbarian: Then the bard drinks up and the bard gets up and the bard is ready for "Surgery".
Bard: Surgery!
Gryndle
2019-02-27, 10:41 AM
Barbarian: My Cleric comes in a little glass vial...
Party: A Little Glass Vial?
Barbarian: A little Glass vial, which goes down the back of the throat of the bard with healing energy
"Energy"
Barbarian: Then the bard drinks up and the bard gets up and the bard is ready for "Surgery".
Bard: Surgery!
pure awesome. this forum really needs a "like" button
KorvinStarmast
2019-02-27, 11:46 AM
Hold Person: the sailor inside the ship who inspects the internally stowed cargo.
Holy Sword: Oh, so that's what Paladins call it.
RogueJK
2019-02-27, 12:17 PM
Shocking Grasp: Stranger Danger! Bad Touch!
Shield: [Marv Albert] Re-jected! [/Marv Albert]
Expeditious Retreat: Brave, brave Sir Robin ran away.
Rerem115
2019-02-27, 12:23 PM
Summon Woodland Beings: At -will power of Disney princesses.
Animate Objects: Yondu's arrow, or dagger/s..or pocket change...or furniture
Vicious Mockery: Adding injury to insult.
Eldritch Blast: Fingerlasers! A modern man's Magic Missile.
Magic Missile: I wanna cast a spell.
DarkKnightJin
2019-02-27, 12:46 PM
Shocking Grasp: Stranger Danger! Bad Touch!
Shield: [Marv Albert] Re-jected! [/Marv Albert]
Expeditious Retreat: Brave, brave Sir Robin ran away.
Inflict Wounds: The *real* Bad Touch attack.
Vampiric Touch: Because Inflict Wounds doesn't last long enough.
KorvinStarmast
2019-02-27, 12:50 PM
Barkskin: cousin of bark
Acid Splash: just a drop on a sugar cube
Alarm: appendage referred to in the Alhambra
Antipathy: Uncle Pathy's wife
Astral Projection: movie stars on the screen
Awaken: what we were doin' after a-buryin' O'Leary
Banishment: remove after dinner candies
Beast Bond: James was a furry
Bestow Curse: hangnail on a werewolf
Color Spray: Sounds chant
Confusion: *ahem* marriage in prison
Cone of Cold: Like Fireball, but bigger, triangular, and backwards.
Flaming Sphere: An actual ball made of fire.
Insect Plague: The 8th one.
Lesser Restoration: Not great enough.
Lightning Arrow: Because rangers don't use hammers.
Power Word Kill: When I tell you to die, you die.
Symbol: It hurts me just to look at it.
Web: Spiderman, Spiderman...
Zone of Truth: The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Wish: The DM is a genie. Beware.
Tasha's Hideous Laughter: That cat video was too funny.
Contact Other Plane: Why are you asking those guys for advice?
Imbalance
2019-02-27, 03:10 PM
Booming Blade: dynastic terrifyer
Leomund's Secret Chest: clandestine cleavage
Message: whispers of the era of untidiness
Teleportation Circle: pi into the sky
RogueJK
2019-02-27, 03:19 PM
Shield of Faith: De-fense *clap clap* De-fense *clap clap*
Mage Armor: When a robe or chainmail bikini alone just won't cut it.
Spirit Guardians: We've got spirits, yes we do... We've got spirits, and they're pissed at you!
Spider Climb: The itsy-bitsy wizard went up the water spout
hymer
2019-02-28, 09:18 AM
Banishment: Beat It
Beast Sense: Walk on the Wild Side
Bestow Curse: Sabotage
Bless: Like A Prayer
Calm Emotions: Let It Be
Charm Person: What’s Love Got to Do With It
Clone: Stayin’ Alive
Command: Stand!
Conjure Animals: Leader of the Pack
Conjure Elementals. With a Little Help From My Friends
Conjure Woodland Beings: Tired of Being Alone
Contingency: Paranoid
Control Weather: Who’ll Stop the Rain
Create Water: Rain
Darkness: Ain’t No Sunshine
Dimension Door: We Gotta Get Out of This Place
Disguise Self: The Great Pretender
Dominate Person: I Can’t Make You Love Me
Dream: Sweet Dreams Are Made of This
Druid Grove: Welcome to the Jungle
Earthquake: We Will Rock You
Enhance Ability: Beast of Burden
Fabricate: Money That’s What I Want
Feather Fall: Free Fallin’
Feeblemind: Ramble On
Goodberry: Juicy
Greater Restoration: I Will Survive
Guiding Bolt: I Shot the Sheriff
Heal: I’ll Feel a Whole Lot Better
Heroism: Got My Mojo Working
Hallucinatory Terrain: Fake Plastic Trees
Healing Word: Get Up, Stand Up
Levitate: Higher and Higher
Locate Object: I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For
Longstrider: Born to Run
Meteror Swarm: Great Balls of Fire
Moonbeam: Bad Moon Rising
Phantasmal Force: Just My Imagination
Polymorph: I Wanna Be Your Dog
Power Word Kill: Killing Me Softly With His Song
Produce Flame: Light My Fire
Raise Dead: Don’t Fear the Reaper
Regeneration: Piece of My Heart
Reverse Gravity: You Keep Me Hanging On
Revivify: One More Time
Scrying: Every Breath You Take
Sending: Wish You Were Here
Sequester: She’s Not There
Silent Image: Pictures of You
Sleep: Enter Sandman
Suggestion: Hit the Road, Jack
Telekinesis: Push It
Teleport: I’ll Take You There
Tongues: Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood
Wall of Fire: Ring of Fire
Wall of Force: Nowhere to Run
Wall of Stone: Another Brick in the Wall
Water Walk: Many Rivers to Cross
Weird: Something
Zone of Truth: Suspicious Minds
Vingelot
2019-02-28, 09:28 AM
Mage Hand: Comes in very handy
Bigby's Hand: For when you REALLY need a hand
Crgaston
2019-02-28, 10:28 AM
Banishment: Beat It
Beast Sense: Walk on the Wild Side
Bestow Curse: Sabotage
Bless: Like A Prayer
Calm Emotions: Let It Be
Charm Person: What’s Love Got to Do With It
Clone: Stayin’ Alive
Command: Stand!
Conjure Animals: Leader of the Pack
Conjure Elementals. With a Little Help From My Friends
Conjure Woodland Beings: Tired of Being Alone
Contingency: Paranoid
Control Weather: Who’ll Stop the Rain
Create Water: Rain
Darkness: Ain’t No Sunshine
Dimension Door: We Gotta Get Out of This Place
Disguise Self: The Great Pretender
Dominate Person: I Can’t Make You Love Me
Dream: Sweet Dreams Are Made of This
Druid Grove: Welcome to the Jungle
Earthquake: We Will Rock You
Enhance Ability: Beast of Burden
Fabricate: Money That’s What I Want
Feather Fall: Free Fallin’
Feeblemind: Ramble On
Goodberry: Juicy
Greater Restoration: I Will Survive
Guiding Bolt: I Shot the Sheriff
Heal: I’ll Feel a Whole Lot Better
Heroism: Got My Mojo Working
Hallucinatory Terrain: Fake Plastic Trees
Healing Word: Get Up, Stand Up
Levitate: Higher and Higher
Locate Object: I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For
Longstrider: Born to Run
Meteror Swarm: Great Balls of Fire
Moonbeam: Bad Moon Rising
Phantasmal Force: Just My Imagination
Polymorph: I Wanna Be Your Dog
Power Word Kill: Killing Me Softly With His Song
Produce Flame: Light My Fire
Raise Dead: Don’t Fear the Reaper
Regeneration: Piece of My Heart
Reverse Gravity: You Keep Me Hanging On
Revivify: One More Time
Scrying: Every Breath You Take
Sending: Wish You Were Here
Sequester: She’s Not There
Silent Image: Pictures of You
Sleep: Enter Sandman
Suggestion: Hit the Road, Jack
Telekinesis: Push It
Teleport: I’ll Take You There
Tongues: Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood
Wall of Fire: Ring of Fire
Wall of Force: Nowhere to Run
Wall of Stone: Another Brick in the Wall
Water Walk: Many Rivers to Cross
Weird: Something
Zone of Truth: Suspicious Minds
Well done!
Snowbluff
2019-02-28, 10:40 AM
Sickening Radiance: The friendly green glow!
DigoDragon
2019-02-28, 10:54 AM
Wish: Full thinking.
Luccan
2019-02-28, 02:57 PM
Hunter's Mark: Stop drawing on the walls, Hunter.
Personification
2019-03-01, 12:17 AM
Compelled Duel: COME AT ME BRO!
Druidcraft: Oh, I love my pretty little flower! Oh, I love my pretty little flower! (a quatloo(or whatever fake forum currency) to whoever knows the source).
Modify Memory: Now Commander, that torpedo did NOT self-destruct. You heard it hit the hull, and I was never here.
Cause Fear: We have nothing to fear but fear itself!
Hunger of Hadar: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Command: Sudo make me a sandwich.
Sanctuary: I am one with the Force and the Force is with me...
BigPixie
2019-03-04, 02:50 PM
Wall of stone, when you want to be Dwayne Johnson 'the Rock':smallbiggrin:
Ceremony:
Love makes the world go round.
And has been known to provide a +2 circumstance bonus to AC.
Guidance:
May the Force be with you
Tenser's Transformation:
HULK SMAASH!
Expeditious Retreat:
Charge backwards!
Hold Person:
Stop right there!
Wall of Force:
Access Denied.
Water Breathing:
Land-based campaigns need not apply.
Edgerunner
2019-03-04, 04:12 PM
Druidcraft: ��Oh, I love my pretty little flower! Oh, I love my pretty little flower!�� (a quatloo(or whatever fake forum currency) to whoever knows the source).
Frankenstein, that's Fronkensteen
Personification
2019-03-04, 04:30 PM
Frankenstein, that's Fronkensteen
You win! :smallbiggrin:
Magic Missile: When you need to attack the Darkness.
Son of A Lich!
2019-03-04, 08:35 PM
Magic Missile: When you need to attack the Darkness.
Create Food and Water: YOU GUYS WANT SOME FUNIONS?
Otto's Irresistible Dance: You put your left foot in...
Tasha's Hideous Laughter: Stop me if you've heard this one.
MaxWilson
2019-03-04, 09:09 PM
Heat Metal: And you thought it was just a silly taboo.
This is full of win.
Vicious Mockery: Adding injury to insult.
This is gold. May I sig this?
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