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lesserarchangel
2007-09-28, 01:18 AM
I've noticed a lot of weird optimizations here lately: the Crab, the Paragon Kitten, the level 9000 Farmer a while back. These are all to my mind cheesy. I don't know the rules well enough to stat such things, so I request your ideas for the following:

Colossal Paragon Cheese Cube

This massive block is the avatar of cheesiness. Thousands of cows and a dozen farmers worked for years to complete it. It possesses the attributes of every cheese ever created, and there are rumors that some worship it as a piece of the moon fallen from heaven. However, its powers are fey, and many have died from its hideous Limberger Stench.

JackMage666
2007-09-28, 01:46 AM
Just look up "Invisible Christopher Walken", and you're set.

Quietus
2007-09-28, 07:07 AM
It would have to exist in five dimensions - four being time, of course, so it's constantly hasted, and the fifth to represent that cheese which is never seen until it's already too late.

squishycube
2007-09-28, 07:10 AM
I think you will find more people with some statting aptitude in the Homebrew section.

Dhavaer
2007-09-28, 07:20 AM
Just look up "Invisible Christopher Walken", and you're set.

I just did that. No-one's statted him out yet. And I don't think the stats he gave himself are really useable.

Zincorium
2007-09-28, 07:59 AM
Animated colossal object? (with paragon)


Hit dice: 32d10 + 80 + 384 (784 hit points)
Initiative: +4
Speed: 30ft (a wheel, rather than cube, of cheese would have 150ft)
AC: 32, touch 20, flat footed 28
Base attack/grapple: 24/56
Attack: slam +57 (4d6+44)
Full attack: as above
Space/Reach: 30ft/30ft
Special attacks: ?
Special qualities: Construct traits, darkvision 60ft, low light vision, Fire and cold resistance 10, Damage reduction 10/epic, spell resistance 50, fast healing 20
Saves: fort 27 ref 24 wil 22
Abilities: str 43, dex 19, con -, int -, wis 16, cha 16
Skills: -
Feats: -
CR: 25


It needs something more, I think.

Dullyanna
2007-09-28, 08:24 AM
It's Limburger cheese, so naturally it needs the stench ability, a la ghasts and troglodytes, but with a higher save DC