Quotes Out of Context

[Darkbane]

Isn't it interesting how many times one can walk into a conversation at the most awkward moments? Please, leave out names.
A couple of my personal favorite quotes:

"What do you mean, I'm not brave in bed?"--Harry Potter, Book 5

"Hey, at least you were wearing pants." Male high school teacher, to female student. This was on a school hiking trip; the teacher was wearing shorts, and the student was talking about how there were so many mosquitoes around.

[Syka]

"The best part of waking up, baby blood in your cup." That is taken from a conversation my boyfriend and best friend had. They're weird. I love them both.

I have pleeeeeenty more. I just can't remember most, and chances are they'd be board-inappropriate anyway. My friends and I are...bad. :smallredface:

Cheers,
Syka

[Death, your friend the Reaper]

*Names have been changed*

"Take off your top Rose" -Our geoloy teacher about the non school unifrom jacket she was wearing,

"Except for Lilly, she's easy." -Myself, unfortunately, what I meant was she was easy to hide behind, as she was a tall girl, honest.

We where talking about who you would be able to hide behind just before that comment, and before she appeared. *I only suffered a minor concussion*

"I really want you legs" -By that I meant I wanted to be shorter as Buttercup was very short, and her legs fitted in the theater, while mine where cramped.

And thats about all the board appropriate topics. When you get to upper school/senior school, there is only really one topic of conversation at lunch time.
School work of course *shifty eyes*

[Skippy]

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/thats_what_she_said.png

I'm an ace at saying the things at exactly the most wrong time... But I can't remember once right now...

[Semidi]

"Man I want to go home and kill some little girls."

-Me on wanting to go get some Adam in Bioshock.

The old lady in back of me looked like she was about to call the police.

[Jack Squat]

I have many that probably aren't board appropriate, however I'm struggling to come up with ones that are.

Goes to show you where my friend's minds are http://i207.photobucket.com/albums/bb177/gitpsmilies/tongue.gif

[Headless_Ninja]

This is a common problem with my friends. Some examples include:

'What do you mean, your grandparents are brother and siste?'
'I am alone, like the fox, alone... Like the sea!'
'I don't even have a saddle'
'Hey, it's not my fault you're violent and clumsy'
'At least you don't speak Gaelic!'
'Yeah, but babies would be easier to fit in the microwave'
'There's no way I can eat spaghetti, there's no gruesome surgery going on'
'I love Cancer!'
'Hey! Get that bomb away from me!'

[Em Blackleaf]

"And then you licked it? Ewwww!" one of my friends said to another right when I started listening.

[Evil_Pacifist]

Here on the forums, I remember Lucky once proclaimed:

"Mine is tiny and shriveled like a raisin; I have no more use for it."

I think he was talking about his soul.

I once walked into a conversation between two of my friends just in time to hear "That was by far the best tasting hand I've ever eaten."

[Brickwall]

Sadly, if I say something that could supposedly be misinterpreted out of context, it tends to mean that in-context. So, no Freudian slips for me.

[ForzaFiori]

two of the more memorable ones from our last CC meet (a great place to get these btw):

"I know all her sweet spots" - a friend of mine about the fact that he knows where a female friend is ticklish.

"Michael, quit blowing my head!" - that chick friend to me, when i was blowing air through a straw at her (i ran out of paper for spitballs)

also, at lunch today:

"my brother had a beaver" (only truly funny if you know all the meanings of the term "beaver") - a friend talking about a forest animal his brother had found several years ago.

There are many many more between my friends and I, but i can't remember them right now.

[Hell Puppi]

"Stop it! Your crushing my yam yam's!"

"Fat man on a little pony."

"I can drive! Get the fruit loops out of the way!"

"This is really going to suck once they start falling up faster."

"Please excuse my Nazis."

-all by my friends

[Extra_Crispy]

Most if not all I can think of would not be good for the boards. Like Syka said "my friends and I are bad"

Every game session we are cracking up about something someone said. We really tease one guy espically because he used to be very homophobic, and the rest of us are not so we really do some bad things, just to mess with him. We have broken him of the homophobia from constently messing with him about it. But one time I was walking out of the bathroom to hear my friend and the owner of the appartment say "No manlove in my place unless I am involved" That one even got me to take a step back.

[The Orange Zergling]

I was telling a friend about the film Idiocracy. I was describing the president, saying "Five-time smack-down pro-wresting champion, porn superstar, and president of the united states" when another friend walked in and looks like :smalleek:. Turns out he thought I was talking about our current president.

[Dhavaer]

"Get the hell out of my pants!"

[The Prince of Cats]

"With a hand like that, you don't even need your wife..."
- I walked in on a game of bridge.

"When you see this CoC of mine, you will have nightmares for weeks."
- A friend talking about the Call of Cthulhu adventure he had written. Sadly, he pronounced 'CoC' to rhyme with 'sock'.

"Bend over and I will give you one too."
- A short friend offering to massage my shoulders.

"Once you have had a 12-incher in you, you will never go back to regular-sized again..."
- My brother discussing pizza.

[eidreff]

"...for a given value of 'fun', you could actually say she's quite nice."

a friend who made a complete and utter put down sound almost a compliment

until he finished with:

"If 'fun' was a number that was sub zero"

ouch

[Icewalker]

Those are some impressive ones there Cats.

I don't have anything on par with this kind of thing, but I certainly have one that appears to be gibberish.

"You can't go from monsoon to wok without looking at the trees"

From my history teacher, about how monsoons existing would lead to the creation of the wok instead of a frying pan or whatever. One of the important steps is that there are very few trees because of the monsoons.

[Exeson]

Well, this is not that funny but in Latin we were studying Baucis and Philemon (Ovid's metamorphasis) when this came up.

"And she coaxed it to flame with the breath of an anus"

It was meant to be translated as "and she coaxed it to flame with the breath of an old woman" but he did not translate the last word.

[Vuzzmop]

"But she was naked, NAKED!"

"Yeah, but it was really bad this month!"

"So it was just me and Santa Claus..."

[Kaelaroth]

A classic scenario:
Not Me: That's Stupid!
Me: Says your FACE! Ooooo....
Not Me: That makes no sense!
Me: Or does it? Says your FACE! Oooooooo.... On a roll!
Not Me: expletives...
Me: *runs away*


------------------------

My brother has a tendency to quote Firefly at the most innapropriate moments...

[Penguinizer]

"If it was possible to have sex with an accent. I would shag his."

Shall we say I did not inquire more into this :P

[rabidsnakemonky]

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/thats_what_she_said.png

I'm an ace at saying the things at exactly the most wrong time... But I can't remember once right now...

I LOVE XKCD!

[Kaelaroth]

Shall we say I did not inquire more into this :P


Actually I think you should elaborate. :biggrin:


---

On the other hand, I have just remembered my friend who spontaneously remembers lines from Friends. So, while sitting in a lesson, he just bursts out laughing. It doesn't normally go down well.

[Artemis97]

Ah, I remember one. We were standing in my highschool courtyard, bored, and somehow came up with a game using the words printed on the buildings. Basicaly find the smaller words you could build from the letters in things like 'Administration' and 'Auditorium.' What did I come up with?

"I have Gas!"

Which I shouted, because I was excited I found a word in Gymnasium. I got some strange looks for that.

[Raiser Blade]

"Mines is too big and it just makes it hard for me to button my pants."


(Me talking while trying on belt buckles at the mall)

[Sir_Norbert]

Don't have any good real-life ones, but if Darkbane can give us Harry Potter, I can give you my own favourite:

"The fact that she's sleeping with you sure makes it seem like she likes you" -- Sailor Moon, episode 5

[Don Julio Anejo]

Oh the times I said something along the lines of "and then the guy I was with..."

People always just had to respond.
- "You were with a guy? Ewww... Davie street dude, not cool."

[Lucky]

Here on the forums, I remember Lucky once proclaimed:

"Mine is tiny and shriveled like a raisin; I have no more use for it."

I think he was talking about his soul.
Amotis got a kick out of that one. :smallannoyed:

I do believe he went as far as to say it was the best out of context quote ever.

[Lemur]

"How are we supposed to judge people, if we can't do it by their religion?"
"By their race, duh!"
(Player-DM conversation joking around about the nature of her campaign world)

"Tickle my f hole."
(The speaker begins twirling her finger in the f-hole of her bass. Actually, this one's kinda dirty even in context.)

[Serenity]

"Wizards just like to boast that theirs is bigger and more powerful." -- Hermione Granger, on wizards and their wangswands. (No doubt paraphrased.)

[Darkbane]

From Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me...

"Get that naked guy off God's head!"

[Kaelaroth]

"Wizards just like to boast that theirs is bigger and more powerful." -- Hermione Granger, on wizards and their wangswands. (No doubt paraphrased.)

That's brilliant!

[Chineselegolas]

"And then I stole the rest of her clothes and snuck out of the window"
During a game of DnD, person was relating what had happened last week... Got some strange looks from the people walking by. Specially as this is a large man whos hair is starting to thin.
And it was in the University Commons.

"... And I could never look at the dog the same way"
Friend who heard this one turned around and walked quickly back down the corridor.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

I FINALLY thought of one that I can post without getting scrubbed, warned, or banned. :smallwink: And the funniest part of this whole thing is that I missed no part of this conversation.

It started with a phone call from my friend Julie. After a long, trying day, she was pretty tired. In the "Hi. How are you?" stage, she told me that her car had a flat. That's what she said. Car ---> flat tire.

So, we chatted. There was nothing I could do about her car having a flat while I'm 2500 miles away, so the topic didn't resurface until she said. "I hope there's air in my tire tomorrow morning."

:smallconfused:

"Ummm...Jules? Are we hoping for a midnight visit from the tire faerie? Y'know...tiny fey that comes along with a spare and changes it while you're asleep? Because if that's what you want, I think you'll be waiting a long time."

Julie was laughing so hard that she was crying. It turns out that the vital part of information she failed to share was that the tire had a slow leak and was going flat, but was okay at that moment.

Now, when she fails to disclose a bit of information, I ask, "Is this another 'tire faerie' kinda thing?" That usually gets the laughter started. :smallbiggrin:

[FoE]

I was taking pictures of two girls' soccer players (who happened to be twins) for these stupid athlete profiles that I used to have to write for the newspaper I used to work at. They asked if they could have a picture together, and I said I would take one but first I needed pictures of them separately.

The next words out of my mouth were:

"OK, first I'll do you. Then I'll do you. Then, I'll do you both together."

(Wait a moment)

"That came out a lot more perverted than I thought it would."

[Jibar]

(On the subject of a friend's new boyfriend.)

"Oh, keep hold of Kinder. He's delicious."

I swear to God I was thinking about the egg.

[The Great Skenardo]

"Fill thy Horn with Oil and GO!"

To this day, I'm not even sure what that could possibly mean in context, but it was something sportscasters are fond of saying.

[Terumitsu]

That one in context would be a reference to the olimpic games and the lighting of the fire. They had a ram horn filled with oil for a torch.

And I will quote a good friend here

"You put your what in her what?"

I can't remember the in-context.... I know it had something to do with food though...

[Aizle]

"Be nice to me or I won't come over to your apt., get drunk and entertain you" - Girl I knew in college. Claimed it was taken out of context.

[Atreyu the Masked LLama]

Penguinsushi's website has a few about me. I'm vain enough to share them.

"Ooooh, what festive barbwire."
Every year around Christmas, the Speedway decorates its fences in Christmas lights. Including the barbwire sections.

"It was a good idea at the time, I didn't know it was going to undress me."
Playing D&D, I attacked a critter that unbeknownst to me had an acid attack that dissolved my armor. This was my response to being chastised about running into battle.

I'm also pretty sure we have one from Mountain Faerie that says "I think he's bringing you the Dead Guy."

[evisiron]

Girl (doing mass face painting)to me:

"There are a lot of people here, so I am going to do you really fast"

My friend cracked up and she turned bright red. :smallbiggrin:

[Headless_Ninja]

Ah, one I forgot:
'Sally wouldn't let me stroke her head, so Jack had to hold her down, and she kept growling and bit him! But afterwards she kept licking my hand'
Turns out that Sally is Jack's dog, not in fact his sister.

[Rinquist]

Edit: Yeesh

[Rinquist]

Edit: Triple post, sorry.

[Rinquist]

"Man, that was an awesome hooker!" - I said this to a friend right after we got done playing basketball. It really was an awesome hookshot, with a satisfying swish afterwards.

The problem is, I said it right in front of an old lady and a cop in the 7-11 we went to afterwards to get some liquid refreshment.

Thankfully, all I got was a couple of funny looks.

Oh, and then there was this time last year, I was in a Beginner's Photography class, my girlfriend at the time was in the class with me, and I blatantly asked her while walking from the campus to my car,

"Wanna go shoot some people tonight?"

Several students backed away slowly from 2006's Bonnie and Clyde at that point.

[Ceska]

All from one hour today. All from one guy, talking to another.

"That guy has a steel-ass! ... Can I touch it?"

"Bend over."

"On the ground with you!"

"...I'm having my gay day today."

To be honest, it wasn't much better in context.

[MrEdwardNigma]

"I can't go to the toilet like this, could you hold this for me please?" by a friend of mine, in the men's room. He was actually referring to the bag he was carrying, thank god...
Or this one: "He put the **** in his mouth". This phrase is actually on a list of english phrases that had to be read in English class. No-one except two others seemed to get the joke...

[Drider]

Or this one: "He put the **** in his mouth". This phrase is actually on a list of english phrases that had to be read in English class. No-one except two others seemed to get the joke...

How could anyone NOT get that, when it's said to them?

[Hoggy]

"Jenny didn't use enough lube."

"My gear stick is stiff."

Both me. First one is miles better than second.

[eidreff]

"Whats the difference between Thai and Chinese?"

"several hundred miles?"

today, heard in a restaurant.

[dwagiebard]

"Dude, I would love to see TURTLES play this game!"

Said by one of my friends, referencing a game we had just finished playing.

This turned into a discussion about turtles playing pretty much everything.

[The_Chilli_God]

"Yeah, my sister charges for everything. But at least she's cheap."

—Me. I was actually referring to how my sister rented her computer out to a friend for a LAN party. $1.50 for about 6 hours.

[Mad Scientist]

In college, some of my friends had what they called the "quote board" and would write things on it that sounded funny out of context.

"We're allowed to have sex in our rooms just not drink and smoke right?" - asked by a resident of a 'substance free' dorm.

"I don't just watch Disney movies, I also enjoy adult films"

"Yes that is a banana in my pants" - roommate returning from dining hall with stolen fruit in pocket

[Amotis]

"Thanks amotis, your nuts were great."

"You're wel-bwahahahahahahaha...*dies*"

I bought a co-worker some pistachios. She walked to where I was talking to some customers and said it. The customers couldn't even tell me what they wanted, for they were laughing too hard.

[Vernal]

Sadly I can not think of any out of context quotes from my friends and me. However, this thread DID remind me of a website I used to read frequently.
Caution: Adult language and topics possible. Proceed at your own risk.

www.inpassing.org (http://www.inpassing.org/)

Enjoy responsibly!

Vernal
(wow nearly typed Venereal - how odd)

[ForzaFiori]

2 good ones from CC today:

"Quit tongueing the back of my head!"

not sure how that came up, and i didn't really wanna ask.

"I LOVE beating [my male friend]!"

it being at cross country, they were of course meaning beat in the sense of being in front of them in a race. However, that did not stop me from laughing so hard i had to stop running.

[Icewalker]

I've got another one...except it really is just a good image of how crazy my teacher is, regardless of context.

"You can't just simplify an essay down into a formula, like...2 + 2 = ...whatever"

[The Prince of Cats]

"That's okay, we can be in the dark together..."
"I don't mind being in the dark if you are with me."

context: (mildly amusing)
When I first started dating, more than a decade ago, I was set up with a nervous girl. We dated for a short while, but I was always half-cut and somehow missed the signs that it was falling apart.

When we started dating, our friends decided to set up the 'perfect date' so that neither one of us could mess it up. While waiting for the details, there was a conversation that you can only have when one of you is drunk and the other is neurotic...

(I have no idea which one of us said what)

"They have kept me in the dark about this date we are going on."
"Yeah, me too."
"That's okay, we can be in the dark together..."
"I don't mind being in the dark if you are with me."

[Terumitsu]

Belive it or not, this was from a sexual harrasment assembly at my tech:

"When in doubt, leave it out."

*Dead silence*
-
-
-
*Much laughter*

He was rather red faced when he relised how that could be taken. And the thing that made it better was the fact that the statement was in reference to phrases that you might think questionable and what to do with them...

Acutaly.... I think this is better in context... But just too good to pass up.

[Penguinsushi]

actually, I have an entire database table full of quotes (http://www.penguinsushi.com/index.php?page=Quotes) the vast majority of which are taken out of context.

This is a personal favorite, however:

"do you mean that literally, or a pickle?"

believe it or not, that phrase makes perfect logical sense... ...in context...

~PS