gag weapons

[Torpin]

what are some ways i can take my weapons and make them not do anything. think pistol that when you pull the trigger out comes a flag that says bang, but its a crossbow that says "thwimp" instead.

[Grey Watcher]

A bladed weapon (sword, axe, etc.) with the blade made out of something soft and spongy (almost literally a Nerf bat). Bonus points if you can rig it to make a silly noise when you hit with it.

[DarkKnightJin]

Make a wooden sword, and paint it a metallic color?
Not sure if that's 'gag' enough. Otherwise the 'Nerf sword' idea would probably fit better.

[nickl_2000]

What about a dagger that retracts into the hilt when so stab with it?

[No brains]

A crossbow that just disassembles and falls apart when the trigger is pulled.

[Greywander]

A sword where the blade simply bends to conform to the shape of whatever it hits. It might revert back to its original shape over several seconds. Not sure if you could do this with real materials, so it might need to be magical.

A really large hammer with a heavy looking head. Thing is, the head is actually a balloon, and it will pop (loudly) when you hit something, likely after a very exaggerated wind up. The only damage this does is psychological. (I remember seeing something like this in an episode of One Piece. It's been a looong time since I watched that show, though. The villain did have a mental breakdown afterwards, though, so I remember that part.)

An axe or hammer where the handle bends when you hit something, so that no force ends up being imparted to the target. It springs right back to its original shape.

Any kind of magical weapon (melee or ranged) where the weapon actively avoids hitting things, no matter how accurate you are with it.

Then there's the classic, the healing shiv. It's a knife that heals people when you stab them. See also the Random Axe of Kindness.

Any sort of long weapon (rapier, spear, etc.) that has, er, well let's just describe is as "flaccid". It simply isn't long and hard like it's supposed to be, you could even say it has trouble keeping it up. It's about as effective as slapping someone with a wet noodle, and is more likely to damage your own self esteem than anything else.

[DarkKnightJin]

A sword where the blade simply bends to conform to the shape of whatever it hits. It might revert back to its original shape over several seconds. Not sure if you could do this with real materials, so it might need to be magical.

A really large hammer with a heavy looking head. Thing is, the head is actually a balloon, and it will pop (loudly) when you hit something, likely after a very exaggerated wind up. The only damage this does is psychological. (I remember seeing something like this in an episode of One Piece. It's been a looong time since I watched that show, though. The villain did have a mental breakdown afterwards, though, so I remember that part.)

An axe or hammer where the handle bends when you hit something, so that no force ends up being imparted to the target. It springs right back to its original shape.

Any kind of magical weapon (melee or ranged) where the weapon actively avoids hitting things, no matter how accurate you are with it.

Then there's the classic, the healing shiv. It's a knife that heals people when you stab them. See also the Random Axe of Kindness.

Any sort of long weapon (rapier, spear, etc.) that has, er, well let's just describe is as "flaccid". It simply isn't long and hard like it's supposed to be, you could even say it has trouble keeping it up. It's about as effective as slapping someone with a wet noodle, and is more likely to damage your own self esteem than anything else.

Okay, I snickered at the 'Random Axe of Kindness'.
And, fun thing.. The revised Artificer coul, at 18th level, make a Healing Shiv by storing Cure Wounds in a Simple or Martial Weapon.

[Laserlight]

I once gave a player a Maxim gun. He knew that Maxims were early machine guns, and was less than thrilled when he pulled the trigger and the result was a slip of paper reading "a stitch in time saves nine."

I recall a magic wand whose attack merely made the target's hair grow.

And of course there was the Sword of the Covenant--Thomas Covenant--which caused the target and/or the wielder to be temporarily disabled by existential angst and the meaningless of it all.

[SirGraystone]

The gamebooks serie Grailquest had a powerful sword called Excalibur jr that was very afraid of spiders and made you run from them.

[No brains]

I once gave a player a Maxim gun. He knew that Maxims were early machine guns, and was less than thrilled when he pulled the trigger and the result was a slip of paper reading "a stitch in time saves nine."

I recall a magic wand whose attack merely made the target's hair grow.

And of course there was the Sword of the Covenant--Thomas Covenant--which caused the target and/or the wielder to be temporarily disabled by existential angst and the meaningless of it all.

Good ones! :smallbiggrin:

[Danielqueue1]

A magic weapon that the enchanter forgot to put the endurance enchantment on. so it hit's really hard, but shatters from impact on the first use.

poisoned dart, who's poison just gives a person gas.

whistle arrows that make the firework "Saturn Missile" noise when loosed. great for making distractions, terrible for stealth missions.

healing shiv is a classic.

bag of tricks arrows: hit or miss the arrow turns into a small animal mid-flight. if the animal survives, it turns back into an arrow after a minute.

oven mitts that have the illusory appearance of Fists of the Anvil (http://gatherer.wizards.com/Handlers/Image.ashx?multiverseid=48377&type=card) from Magic the Gathering.

[KorvinStarmast]

And of course there was the Sword of the Covenant--Thomas Covenant--which caused the target and/or the wielder to be temporarily disabled by existential angst and the meaningless of it all. Good one.

For the OP:
There is already such a thing in the book.
Look up the Wand of Wonder.

[Torpin]

A bladed weapon (sword, axe, etc.) with the blade made out of something soft and spongy (almost literally a Nerf bat). Bonus points if you can rig it to make a silly noise when you hit with it.
this made me think polymorph any object to get the singing sword from who framed roger rabbit