I need dumb in character querstions

[Shnoogie]

Hi all,

My character's flaw due to his low CHA is that he asks question after question in social situations but doesn't care to listen to answers or remember them.

I made a small list of random questions so I can look at it while playing.

If you have any please post. Silly questions, mundane questions. Gimme what you got.

For far I've asked my DM to describe rooms and when he's done i'll ask for a detail on something super insignificant. like "what kind of stain was used on this wooden chest?" then walked right out the store not waiting for an answer. My DM couldn't stop laughing because he started to think about what kind of stain would be used.

I can do the situational ones. But if I can get the most random that would help.

Thanks!

[strangebloke]

"What is your name?' repeated three times in a conversation.

Just remember, you want to annoy NPCs, not players.

[Shnoogie]

"What is your name?' repeated three times in a conversation.

Just remember, you want to annoy NPCs, not players.

Yeah, for players I'll probably just be in the moment but try not to be annoying. But yeah NPCs get the full force of random.

[hymer]

How inappropriate do you want to get? You can ask about periods and the colour of people's urine.

How about: "Which is the greater tragedy? To get what you've always wanted, or not to get it?"

"Did you buy that [clothing article] or was it forced on you?"

"Where do they sell the best [food item] around here?" (At a place where they sell that food, natch)

"Can you direct me to the nearest city guard?"

"Why is your [associate/pet] so stupid?"

[VonKaiserstein]

I feel like you would be best served with a trio of tables. One for a subject, one for type of question, and one for detail. Then roll them all randomly.

Who person color
Why place maker
What thing purpose
When food seasoning
Where time expires

This should lead to utterly nonsensical inquiries.

What seasoning does that shirt taste best with? Who made that person? What is time? When is that person expiring?

[Ventruenox]

"Yes. But is it art?"

"If you have a shrink-swell substance, such as montmorillonite, how do you define bulk density?"

"Can you repeat that in Iambic Pentameter?"

"Tell me about the mating habits of the Ixitxachitl."

"Is cereal a soup? Is a hot dog a sandwich?"

"If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit?"

"If a fork were made from gold, would it still be silverware?"

"If we save time, when do we get it back?"

[Keravath]

Just pick up on details of the situation and ask about them.

As mentioned "What is your name? I'm sorry I forgot, what is your name again?" - however, although annoying it is more of an intelligence or wisdom deficit than charisma.

How about ..

"That's a cool scar! Where did you get it? I have a nice one on my butt, let me show you!"

"Hey are you two married? I would never have guessed. Oh you're not? Sorry"

To a female or even male NPC of a species you are less familiar with ... "Are you pregnant? You look pregnant." (This is a question you should NEVER ask)

"Do you know you are quite short?"

"How does someone as tall as you manage to fit in all these normal sized rooms?"

"Have you ever had the floor collapse on you? Sorry, I don't mean to imply you are overweight, it happened to me once but it was a trap"

"Why are your eyes different colors?"

Just after returning from the outhouse "Wow ... your eyes are so brown ... it reminds me of something I saw recently now what was it?"

To the halfling at the bar "Do you always drink like that? That is soo much. Don't you find it makes you need to pee? How do you hold it in there, you are so small. Do you find that gets in the way of your drinking? You know, being smaller means you have to pee more often, right?"

To the bride at a wedding .. "How come you aren't wearing white?" or "Hey! Why are you wearing white, I thought you slept at the groom's place last night?"

"How come you are so smart? Where did you learn it? What is 3 cubed?"

Trivia questions ...
"What is the average air speed of a laden swallow? I don't know I was hoping you did."

Of course, you have to interject the questions at the socially most inept times. For example, some noble in a tense negotiation you pipe up with.

"Wow is your crown tight? You are sweating. How heavy are those things anyway? Do they hurt your neck after a while? I could imagine those high necked clothes some noble's like have crown supports build in, am I right?"

Be creative :)

[Yakmala]

When ordering wine...

"Where is this wine from?"

"Were the grapes from the northern or southern side of the field?"

"What was the weather like on harvest day?"

"How clean were the worker's feet when they stomped them?"

"Where would you rank this year's vintage compared to others this century?"

"Actually, I think I'll have a mead instead."

[GlenSmash!]

Your stain example is a good one. Shoot for needless detail. And don't be afraid to as "Why?" over and over again long past it returning a useful answer.

[Derpy]

Speak like you're in a 'epic story' video game and everything is a dialog tree.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ye6yNLsdUCE

[Kane0]

Alternatively play through some older CRPGs and take note of their dialogue trees. Damn that would be annoying in-world.

[Shnoogie]

Alot of these are good. I just want to be boring and bad a social situations. But i didnt want to be outright rude of offensive. just annoyingly alloof.

Keep them coming lol

[Zhorn]

whenever a conversation 'implies' that the people involved would know the response, throw in one of Pinky's quotes

https://pinkyandthebrain.fandom.com/wiki/Are_You_Pondering_What_I%27m_Pondering%3F

or just use them as the questions.

[TrashTrash]

Force people to repeat instructions, a la Emmett (Lego Movie) --> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlB92jMPgVc

Ask odd questions like
- Can you do a backflip? Like right now?
- Do you have a skull?
- Why do you smell like peanuts?
- D'you reckon I could drink that guy's [Insert drink/liquid] without him noticing? I think I could. (This gets funny if the PC has low-ish stealth)

[Sindal]

Go watch the golden girls and repeat anything that Rose Nyland says

[Nidgit]

I'd also refer you to the MBMBaM podcasts, where they discuss random Yahoo Answers questions.

I'd suggest saying vague phrases before or after physically fixating on an object. Stuff like "No, that won't do at all. ...Unless...?" *stares at NPC's left ear*

[Angelalex242]

Here's a simple one.

Have him ask every female character he runs across 'how old are you?'

Taken from Vaan in Final Fantasy 12.

[Sparky McDibben]

Force people to repeat instructions, a la Emmett (Lego Movie) --> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlB92jMPgVc

Ask odd questions like
- Can you do a backflip? Like right now?
- Do you have a skull?
- Why do you smell like peanuts?
- D'you reckon I could drink that guy's [Insert drink/liquid] without him noticing? I think I could. (This gets funny if the PC has low-ish stealth)

Oh my God, what if you played them like Buddy from Elf?

[TrashTrash]

Oh my God, what if you played them like Buddy from Elf?

That would be deeply amusing.

Use some of Pinky's lines from Pinky and the Brain, they're a gold mine for out-of-context quips.

Ask people what color they think your underwear is.
Ask people what color their underwear is.
Constantly ask people what kind of tree is the best kind of tree.
When people tell you to do anything, even if the action is self-explanatory, ask them why.
Ask party members if you're 'there yet' during long rests, or even right after reaching your destination.

[Particle_Man]

Do halflings call humans twicelings?

[CerebralSewage]

Do halflings call humans twicelings?

You win 50 arbitrary forum points. Congrats!

[TrashTrash]

Ask people what their favorite flavor of air is, and then insist that such a thing exists.
When you meet anyone, ask them if they're taller or shorter than yourself, even and especially if they are clearly one or the other.
Ask people if they want to convert to Banjoism --> http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0080.html (Bonus points for smiting them when they refuse :smallbiggrin:)
Ask every merchant what drinks they recommend. Even if they don't sell drinks.
Ask people how many times they've worn their current clothes.
Ask party members how many items come in, say, 10 packs.
Attempt to convert all of your GP into CP because it's 'worth more' (more coins=more money, right?)

[TrashTrash]

Dare people to do things that aren't... dares, per se.
For example:
I dare you to eat that sandwich you just bought.
I dare you to make a wish in that well.
I dare you to dare me to eat my lunch.

If you really want to be pointless with it, ask questions like:
What is the consistency of your least favorite food?
Why does this dresser smell like a dresser?
Do you know what the least-used letter of the alphabet is?
Is it possible to drink a solid?
Are Gelatinous Cubes really gelatinous or just pretending?

A fun little table for you:
Roll a d8 and "autocomplete" the question.
1- Do (x monsters) have functional noses?
2- Is this (piece of furniture) an illusion?
3- Why do (race of NPC) always have such annoying voices? (Might end badly)
4- Are you related to (other NPC)?
5- Can you do the splits?
6- Have you ever wondered why (x monster) exists?
7- Your clothes are rather obnoxious. Are they magenta? (Works well to confuse the DM :smallwink:)
8- Roll twice and combine the two questions ("Does this (x piece of furniture) have a functional nose, since it's an illusion?" is my personal favorite that got rolled up by this)

[Toric]

Pick a topic prior to a conversation. Do everything in your power to draw the conversation back to that topic. Express frustration that the NPC keeps talking about unrelated things like the kobolds that stole his baby or the assassination attempt on the king.