Great Moments in Gaming: what NOT to do at the table.

[JakOfAllTirades]

1) Cast Animate Dead on a draft horse after a Bulette kills it, while it's still tied to a wagon with three other living (and very skittish) horses, and the only character in the wagon has no proficiency in Handle Animals. Long story short: I got taken for a ride and had to Eldritch Smite our Wizard's new pet with my last spell slot.

2) <who's next: post your gaming table horror stories here>

[JackPhoenix]

For wasting spell slots by trying to cast Animate Dead on invalid target?*

*This message was brought to you by No Fun Allowed.

[Laserlight]

Paladin: I grab a rope and swing over to one of the girls hanging over the pit.
Me: Okay.
Paladin: I'm going to grab her, cut the rope suspending her, and--
Me: That's one hand to hold your rapier, one hand to hold the sacrifice, and one hand to hold your own rope?
Paladin: Yep!
Me: How many hands do you have?
Paladin:...****.

[JakOfAllTirades]

For wasting spell slots by trying to cast Animate Dead on invalid target?*

*This message was brought to you by No Fun Allowed.

The DM allowed it. Zombie horses don't seem terribly overpowered, but I'll mention this at our next session.

Now I'm wondering what spell should be used to make "large" zombies?

[No brains]

Don't turn into an animal before coming up with a tactical plan that requires a good Int score.

Don't realize the particular animal you were actually had a HIGHER Int modifier than you so you feel extra dumb.

Edit:

The DM allowed it. Zombie horses don't seem terribly overpowered, but I'll mention this at our next session.
TECHNICALLY, a dead horse is a pile of bones. It's just wrapped in horse meat. Cast Animate Dead on it and you'll still get a humanoid skeleton with sword, shield, bow, and armor scraps. :smalltongue:

[leogobsin]

When the Paladin approaches you telling how he saw a "huge spider" during his watch, don't brush it off assuming he's talking about like, a tarantula, and tell him "I'll squish it if it comes back".
When the Wizard responds to your warning about a spider the size of a person by saying she'll squish it, don't just go to sleep without checking further to make sure she didn't misunderstand what you meant by "huge spider".

[TheCleverGuy]

Potential spoilers for Curse of Strahd:

Don't cast Errupting Earth into a treasure room where a 10-foot statue is standing guard. Sure, you might do some damage to the three fleeing vampire spawn (who are running to avoid being slowly roasted by your friend's Sun Blade), but you'll wake up that Stone Golem when the treasure is disturbed.

(We did manage to bring the golem down eventually, and only one of the vampire spawn was able to escape, so it turned out ok for us. But i think we have a pretty forgiving DM.)

[Finback]

Strahd turned my warforged juggernaut into a bat the first time they encountered each other.
My warforged could only one 1 damage per attack, and noone was able to break Strahd's concentration.

So I flew up above his tower and waited until the spell wore off. 400lbs of warforged through his roof, factoring in falling damage. And it helped as a Brute, I was able to make some incredible death saves, to get back up again.

[1Pirate]

The DM allowed it. Zombie horses don't seem terribly overpowered, but I'll mention this at our next session.

I wouldn’t bother. You’ve clearly learned your lesson so there’s no need to beat a dead horse.

[JackPhoenix]

When you get kidnapped by evil cultists you've been searching for and manage to escape the cell they've put you in (by pretty much walking straight trough the closed door thanks to awesome Str check), you do NOT react to (obviously terrified after what he just witnessed) cultist guard's order to go back to the cell by saying "OK" and doing so, then following the rest of the cultist peacefully when it's your turn to end up as a sacrifice.

If only to stop the GM's face from hurting after being hit by his palm.


The DM allowed it. Zombie horses don't seem terribly overpowered, but I'll mention this at our next session.

Now I'm wondering what spell should be used to make "large" zombies?

Yeah, I would be propably fine with zombified version of animals (and other creatures) up to CR 1/2.

[Arkhios]

When an airship is assaulted by air-pirates, you do NOT barge out of the shelter on to the deck right in the middle of a hail of arrows from a dozen of archers, all of which had readied an attack if someone shows up.

The bad news was that the airship fell down and crashed to splinters very shortly afterwards. The good news was that the "character slash pincushion" was already dead.

....not my proudest of moments. :smallredface:

[Lyracian]

One from the game I am running.

In the town the players learn that the Druid who gives out magic berries is missing.
An hour (of game time) later they find the Druid fighting some Elemental. He dies and like good Murder-hobo's they search his body finding only a bag of berries...

...Which they then throw away! They continue on low on HP due to time constraint mission into the final deadly encounter and two of them get dropped by AoE in the first round.

If only they had some extra Goodberry healing :smallsmile:

[Beleriphon]

Paladin: I grab a rope and swing over to one of the girls hanging over the pit.
Me: Okay.
Paladin: I'm going to grab her, cut the rope suspending her, and--
Me: That's one hand to hold your rapier, one hand to hold the sacrifice, and one hand to hold your own rope?
Paladin: Yep!
Me: How many hands do you have?
Paladin:...****.

Obviously four, an adventurer can hang by a rope with just their toes.

[JakOfAllTirades]

I wouldn’t bother. You’ve clearly learned your lesson so there’s no need to beat a dead horse.

http://i.imgur.com/x9aG7.gif

I still gotta talk to our Wizard. He actually cast Animate Dead on two horses; the other one was his riding horse. In the following encounter he rode it into battle against a Purple Worm. At one point he tried to drink a potion with his bonus action (house rule) but the DM reminded him he'd already used his BA to breath fire at the Purple Worm. (He had drunk a Potion of Fire Breath earlier.)

And I'm like, "You could save a lot of bonus actions if you gave that Fire Breath potion to your zombie horse instead."

[Laserlight]

Obviously four, an adventurer can hang by a rope with just their toes.

Actually, by the rope the rope temporarily entangled around his ankle, hanging upside down over the bottomless pit, you can see the gleam in the eyes of the colossal serpent rising from the depths to take another sacrifice, and given that you're dangling over the pit you look a lot like a sacrifice, so what do you do, and don't say "I roll yet another 4".

What NOT to do at the table: spend all night rolling nothing higher than 5.

[Xihirli]

Or the kidnapped lady could just grab onto his rope while he cut her loose.

[RSZealot]

When the Druid tries out her shiny, brand new 4th level spell slot to cast Wall of Fire to force the big, melee-only knight you're fighting to go through it to get to you, do NOT charge through it to engage him in melee on the other side.

And then, if you're the next player in the turn order, having just watched your rogue take a ton of damage from your own side's Wall of Fire, do NOT do the EXACT SAME THING HE DID!
I don't care if you're a Tiefling, that's still dumb!

[JakOfAllTirades]

When the Druid tries out her shiny, brand new 4th level spell slot to cast Wall of Fire to force the big, melee-only knight you're fighting to go through it to get to you, do NOT charge through it to engage him in melee on the other side.

And then, if you're the next player in the turn order, having just watched your rogue take a ton of damage from your own side's Wall of Fire, do NOT do the EXACT SAME THING HE DID!
I don't care if you're a Tiefling, that's still dumb!

Was it save for half? That'd be 1/4 damage if the Tiefling saved... no big deal.

[Karnitis]

Please pay attention to your DM.

We had to go to BBEG lair, which took us through an overly detailed forest so my dumb *** stopped listening to him talk. We transition to a valley, and are stopped by a sphinx. I stayed back to hide, and thought myself clever for using a frangrance ring my DM gave me three sessions ago as a joke magic item.

Me: "Hey, what are the trees in the forest? Like, firs or something? I want to make myself smell like the forest so he can't smell me hiding."
Sphinx: "Tell the tree to come out before I kill him."

[DMThac0]

Curse of Strahd Spoiler!


Do NOT goad the seemingly insane man into saying something you know will cause your over-zealous cleric to want to smash his face in with a mace. Then try to act all peaceful and start a sit-in while a Deva is rageing all over your party...

[Danielqueue1]

A halfling that believed ULGAR THE ALL-SEEING, the great Seer of the north, Blessed with visions of past, present and future, grand soothsayer of the Horadrael, etc etc. would easily be fooled by hiding behind an illusory barrel created using minor illusion in full view of said person with obviously magical glowing eyes in an otherwise empty room.

many faces were palmed that day

[Ganryu]

Turns out, an entire treasure room doesnt fit in a bag of holding. I almost felt sorry when the Artificer lost all of her stuff. At least the bad guys lost all of theirs too.

Things I've done:

* Interrogation: "Hit him as hard as you want, the cleric will keep him up." Does NOT apply to paladin's and smite.

*If your character is far more evil than the DM's, don't be surprised when you end up as the end boss. (Would like to have said this was a one time occurance. I'm bordering on 4 times now.)

* The enemy vampire spawn is fleeing back home. DON'T follow him by yourself.

* Backstabbing the winner in a gladiator fight does not make me the new champion

* If I manage to have a cannibal character, I cannot then grab the gourmet feat. (I dispute this one with my GM to this day! The pixie never once ate another pixie!)

* I will not taunt the giant as a pixie after the bard has made it agree to stop attacking us.

* If the DM has built an entire expansive world, we will not comfortably live in a single town as crime lords. (turns out the main quest we were skipping out was kiiiinda important, and devils showing up everywhere were a real problem.)

Small list. I have an entire google sheet based off of 2,500 things Mr. Welch can no longer do in an RPG.

[JeenLeen]

1. KO an enemy then tie them up
2. Have warlock use invocation to Disguise Self, then Charm Person on the unconscious person
3. Wake them up as their rescuer or pose as a fellow prisoner

4. do NOT forget that drow don't really trust most of their friends. Do not have your entire plan hinge on the drow prisoner trusting a mysterious rescuer they've never met before.

[RSZealot]

Was it save for half? That'd be 1/4 damage if the Tiefling saved... no big deal.

Oh, he rolled like a 8 total to save. And like I said, still a stupid move. It wasn't like the party was fresh and well-rested either, the knight had showed up after they'd fought off some soldiers, so all of them were below half health.

I feel I should also mention that the Rogue was a ranged build.

[Yakmala]

Arriving in a village that has just been attacked by Hill Giants and suffered losses, the majority of the party offered their condolences and promised to track down the Giants and mete out justice...

...And then there was the party Necromancer, who walked right into the middle of the mass funeral for the fallen townsfolk and bluntly told them "I'll be needing those corpses."

It did not go over well.

[JakOfAllTirades]

When the Druid tries out her shiny, brand new 4th level spell slot to cast Wall of Fire to force the big, melee-only knight you're fighting to go through it to get to you, do NOT charge through it to engage him in melee on the other side.

And then, if you're the next player in the turn order, having just watched your rogue take a ton of damage from your own side's Wall of Fire, do NOT do the EXACT SAME THING HE DID!
I don't care if you're a Tiefling, that's still dumb!


Was it save for half? That'd be 1/4 damage if the Tiefling saved... no big deal.


Oh, he rolled like a 8 total to save. And like I said, still a stupid move. It wasn't like the party was fresh and well-rested either, the knight had showed up after they'd fought off some soldiers, so all of them were below half health.

I feel I should also mention that the Rogue was a ranged build.

There's a certain type of Tiefling player (like me, LOL) who loves to show off their fire resistance, revels in it, and takes every opportunity to demonstrate how well they can soak up fire damage. Even if they can't, really.