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Serpentine
2007-10-08, 09:11 AM
That's right all you homebrewers out there, I have a challenge for you. I made a discovery recently. If you look at the basic land-dwelling animals by challenge rating, the pecking order looks like this:


Elephant
Giant constrictor snake
Brown bear|Polar bear|Rhinoceros|Tiger
Lion|Huge viper snake
Ape|Black bear|Bison|Boar|Cheetah|Constrictor snake|Leopard|Monitor lizard|Heavy warhorse|Wolverine
Camel|Riding dog|Heavy & light horse|Hyena|Mule|Light warhorse|Wolf
Baboon|Badger|Eagle|War pony|Small viper
Dog|Hawk|Tiny viper
Cat|Owl|Pony|Weasel
Donkey|Lizard|Monkey
Rat
Bat|Toad

The poor donkey can be picked on by almost everything. A lizard could take it out. Even a rat could give it trouble! The only thing a donkey could easily defeat is a toad! (a bat could just fly away)
I feel sorry for this poor woebegone beast, so this is my challenge to you, if this is the right place and manner to set it: Create for me the best, baddest, meanest, kick-arsingest donkey Dungeons and Dragons can make. Make me a donkey to send all other animals quivering at its hooves. A donkey whose mere mention will send shivers down the spines of holy men at their shrines, whose horrid braying voice will send hardened adventurers crying to their mummies...
Make me The Donkey of Donkeys.

If you can think of something you want, I'll even offer a prize. A Concrete Donkey would be appropriate... Or maybe the Golden Ass.

The Vorpal Tribble
2007-10-08, 09:17 AM
Do you want a realistic animal, or will a donkey-type creature suffice?

Serpentine
2007-10-08, 09:20 AM
I was thinking templates, etc. It would be nice if it were recognisably donkeyish, and if it had some trace of actual donkeyness in it. But whatever's going. Maybe I'll refine it a tad when I see what's on offer...

edit: By the way, I hope I'm not stepping on your metaphorical toes here, VT?

Lord Zentei
2007-10-08, 09:23 AM
Best to take a look at the mule and downgrade it a mite (though not by much). That would seem to be in the right ballpark. Or maybe the pony could serve as a starting point.

I had never noticed how feeble the donkey was. Gosh. :smalleek:

Attilargh
2007-10-08, 09:26 AM
So you want... That Damn Ass? I'm sure Fax Celestis will be able to help.

...Eh?
2007-10-08, 09:34 AM
*Waits for Pseudonatural Paragon Advanced Huge Monstrous Donkey*

The Vorpal Tribble
2007-10-08, 09:36 AM
I was thinking templates, etc. It would be nice if it were recognisably donkeyish, and if it had some trace of actual donkeyness in it. But whatever's going. Maybe I'll refine it a tad when I see what's on offer...
Oh, it'll be based on donkeyness all right, no worries :smallamused:



edit: By the way, I hope I'm not stepping on your metaphorical toes here, VT?
Eh?

Serpentine
2007-10-08, 09:38 AM
I was thinking of your monster competitions. And I look forward to seeing your ass :smallamused:

Oh, if anyone fancied having a go at a less extreme version, I'd be interested to see one where all the classic donkey traits (stubbornness, kick, bite, smell, etc) were exaggerated. Of course, I'm guessing there'll be something like that in others, but I mean more to the extent of a simple exaggerated donkey than a whole new beast.

Lord Zentei
2007-10-08, 09:42 AM
I'm still not sure whether you want a super monster donkey or a realistic one, but if it is the former:

(EDIT: Ninja'd Ah, seems you want an exaggerated realistic one, then. Oh, well...)


Donkey of Doom

Size/Type: Huge Animal
Hit Dice: 13d8+65 (123 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 16 (-2 size, +8 natural), touch 8, flat-footed 16
Base Attack/Grapple: +9/+27
Attack: Hoof +19 melee (2d6+10)
Full Attack: Slam +19 melee (2d6+10) and 2 hoofs +18 melee (2d6+10)
Space/Reach: 15 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: Trample 2d8+15
Special Qualities: Low-light vision, scent
Saves: Fort +13, Ref +10, Will +6
Abilities: Str 30, Dex 14, Con 20, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 6
Skills: Balance +7, Listen +12, Spot +8
Feats: Alertness, Endurance, Power Attack, Skill Focus (Listen), Run
Environment: Temperate plains
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 10
Advancement: 13-24 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: —

Somewhat more powerful than an elephant. :smallwink:

EDIT 2: since no one else has yet submitted a monster-donkey, I'm adding a couple of traits:

Smell [Ex]

Creatures within 20 ft. of a Donkey of Doom must pass a Fortitude save with DC (10 + ½ the DoD's HD) or become Sickened. This condition lasts for 1d4 turns.

Stubbornness [Ex]

The DoD gains a +4 morale bonus to all mind control effects.


And there you go. :smallbiggrin:

EDIT 3: improved the CR by +1, seems appropos.

Solo
2007-10-08, 09:47 AM
That is one magnificient ass.

Serpentine
2007-10-08, 09:47 AM
Oh no, that's beautiful. The exaggerated one was just sort of as a side-thing :smallbiggrin:

Psionic Dog
2007-10-08, 09:53 AM
A bad ass donkey... I have to try this.

How does this work for a fiendish dire donkey?

Type: Large magical beast
HD: 5d8+15 (37)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares)
Aromor Class: 14 (+1Dex -1Size +4Natural)
Attack: Bite +4 melee (1d4+3)
Full Attack: Bite +4 melee (1d4+3) and (2)Hoof -1 (1d3+2)
Space/Reach: 10ft/5ft
Special Attacks: Smite Good 1/day
Special Qualities: Low-Light Vision, Scent, Dark Vision 60 ft, DR -5/magic, Energy Resistance 5 cold and fire
Saves: Fort +9, Ref +5, Will +7
Abilies: Str 14, Dex 13, Con 16, Int 3, Wis 12, Cha 6
Skills: Balance +4, Listen +5, Spot +4
Feats: Iron Will (B), Endurance, Great Fortatude
Enviroment: Any evil plane
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 3
Advancement: 6-7 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment: —


Edit: That Donkey of Doom is just cool...

Lord Zentei
2007-10-08, 09:55 AM
Whoops, sorry didn't see you there when I was updating mine, Psionic Dog.

Fiendish Dire Donkey. Heh. :smallbiggrin:


Hmm, mayhap we need an abomination version: Child of an Evil God Donkey (TM).

The Vorpal Tribble
2007-10-08, 10:20 AM
Bad Ass

http://www.photosleeve.com/d/357355-1/Braying.jpg

Medium Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 5d10+20 HD (47 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 15 (+1 dex, +4 natural), touch 11, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +5/+8
Attack: Bite +8 melee (1d3+3) or Hoof +8 melee (1d4+3)
Full Attack: Bite +8 melee (1d3+3) and 2 hooves +3 melee (1d4+3)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Bray
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., hardy, low-light vision, rebel soul, scent, shall not be moved, tenacious strength
Saves: Fort +8, Ref +5, Will +10
Abilities: Str 16, Dex 13, Con 19, Int 3, Wis 11, Cha 8
Skills: Balance +5, Listen +4, Spot +4
Feats: Endurance(B), Iron Will, Steadfast Determination (http://realmshelps.dandello.net/cgi-bin/feats.pl?Steadfast_Determination,PH2)
Environment: Temperate desert or plains
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 5
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Chaotic Neutral
Advancement: 6-9 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment: -

This appears much like a normal donkey, though of somewhat greater size and musculature, and teeth of excessive length. What truly makes it differ from it's brethren however is it eyes there is a spark of intelligence there and it seems to bear an expression of ferocious rebellion.

A bad ass cannot speak any language but it's own advanced version of donkey, but it understands common or whatever the common language of the area happens to be.

Combat
A bad ass is easily provoked, tending to merely stand perfectly still and ignore and aggravate its opponent. If damaged or seriously threatened however it lets loose with a horrible bray followed flying hooves.

Bray (Su): As part of a standard action a bad ass can let out a tremendous cry. All creatures within 100 feet must succeed on a DC 16 will save or take a –2 penalty on attack rolls, saving throws, skill checks, and ability checks from the irritating racket. Those attempting to cast a spell must succeed on a DC 20 Concentration stack. A bad ass' bray counters and dispels Silence. A bad ass cannot use its bite attack while braying. This is a sonic, mind-affecting effect. The save DC is Constitution-based.

Hardy (Ex): A bad ass is immune to exhaustion. Anything that would make it exhausted instead makes it fatigued.

Rebel Soul (Ex):
A bad ass gains a +4 bonus to save against mind-affecting effects.

Shall Not Be Moved (Su): One that tries to force along a bad ass find out that they can become almost impossible to move. As an immediate action the bad ass can stand fast against any creature attempting to physically move it. They must succeed on an opposed Strength check, and the bad ass gains a +20 bonus on the check. The bad ass can’t voluntarily move to a new location while using this ability.

While unmoving it cannot apply it's Dexterity bonus to Armor Class; however, while using this ability it gains damage reduction 15/-.

The bad ass cannot physically attack or perform any other large-scale movements (it can make small scale movements, such as breathing, turning its head, moving its eyes, braying and so on). Powers with the teleportation descriptor, or any telekinetic effect, manifested on the bad ass automatically fail.

Tenacious Strength (Ex): A bad ass is considered to have a Strength of 30 (+10 modifier) for the purpose of it's Carrying and Dragging Capacity. While carrying from 346 lbs. to 2,400 lbs., or dragging 1,726 lbs. to 12,000 lbs. it can only move at it's base speed and cannot run.

The normal carrying capacity for a bad ass while not using Tenacious Strength is as follows:
A light load for a bad ass is up to 112 pounds; a medium load, 115–229 pounds; and a heavy load, 231–345 pounds. A bad ass can drag 1725 pounds. While moving these loads, even a heavy one or dragging, the bad ass does not take a reduction in speed and can even run.

Skills: Bad Ass' have a +4 racial bonus on Balance checks.

Mordokai
2007-10-08, 10:31 AM
That is one mean donkey :smallbiggrin: Who knows maybe later on I'll give it a try myself.

Yeril
2007-10-08, 11:09 AM
its just a matter of Time until Fax stuns us all with a Ass of epic preportions.

shaddy_24
2007-10-08, 12:11 PM
The Ikea Donkey! (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=20160&highlight=ikea) and best of all, it's only CR 7! Win! After all, who has desintegrate or earthquake at that level? You can pull out soften earth and stone, but I doubt anyone prepaired it that many times. Invincible donkey.

Machete
2007-10-08, 01:41 PM
This thread is made of WIN.

How much would it cost in Gp to buy a bad ass?

The Vorpal Tribble
2007-10-08, 02:10 PM
This thread is made of WIN.

How much would it cost in Gp to buy a bad ass?
Probably not much as it'd be about impossible to get them to do any work :smallwink:

Telonius
2007-10-08, 02:25 PM
Maybe apply the "Awakened" template... I'd say that ought to give it Favored Class: Aristocrat.

RTGoodman
2007-10-08, 02:52 PM
You know, I was ready to make two creatures to put here, but my hopes have been dashed. I was going to make some sort of Advanced Half-Blue Dragon Donkey (to naturally face off against a Half-Red Dragon Elephant), but it turns out that you can't even advance a Donkey. Or, I guess you could, but the SRD says "Advancement: --."

So, instead, I decided that I'd make an Ass Clown by taking an awakened Donkey and giving it Bard levels (and maybe something like Master of Masks or some other clown-esque PrC), but it looks to me like Donkeys have a whopping -6 Charisma! :smalleek:

And so now I've got to come up with other colloquial phrases and try to find some way to make one of them into a paragon of donkeyness. Of course, if anyone else wants to make either of the above ideas, they're free for you to do - I give up on them. :smallbiggrin:

The Vorpal Tribble
2007-10-08, 03:04 PM
Maybe apply the "Awakened" template... I'd say that ought to give it Favored Class: Aristocrat.
Well, he's neither an animal nor unintelligent, so I don't think you can apply it.

Simius
2007-10-08, 03:15 PM
How about a magical item: Concrete Donkey?

Oh boy, I should play Worms 2 once again. :smallamused:

Telonius
2007-10-08, 03:17 PM
Well, he's neither an animal nor unintelligent, so I don't think you can apply it.

Can't apply the template, or can't apply Aristocrat? :smallbiggrin:

FoeHammer
2007-10-08, 03:51 PM
Bad Ass. a Prattchet reference?:smallconfused:

The Vorpal Tribble
2007-10-08, 04:09 PM
Can't apply the template, or can't apply Aristocrat? :smallbiggrin:
Meant the former, but possibly also the latter :smallwink:


Bad Ass. a Prattchet reference?
No... an ass is the original name of the donkey. This is a really stubborn, epitome of evil donkey-kind, so it's 'bad'. This is of course a pun on the slang of someone being really tough, which the donkey also is.

wadledo
2007-10-08, 05:51 PM
Donkey of legend

Size/Type: Medium Outsider
Hit Dice: 2d8+12 (20 hp)
Initiative: +8
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 21 (+4 dex, +7 natural), touch 14, flat-footed 17
Base Attack/Grapple: +5/+5
Attack: Hoof +5 melee (2d6+5)
Full Attack: Bite +5 melee (1d6+5) and 2 hoofs +5 melee (2d6+5)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Frightful Presence
Special Qualities: Low-light vision, scent, Reflective Hide, Immune to Mind-Affecting, Immune to Poison
Saves: Fort +13, Ref +11, Will +4
Abilities: Str 20, Dex 19, Con 22, Int 4, Wis 13, Cha 6
Skills: Balance +3, Listen +3, Spot +2
Feats: Endurance, Multi-Attack, Improved Initiative
Environment: Temperate plains
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 2
Advancement: -
Level Adjustment: -

A bit basic, yes.
But technical possible, though why anyone would want to I don't know.

The Vorpal Tribble
2007-10-08, 06:55 PM
I like big mules and I cannot lie, you other burros can't deny. That when a donkey walks in with an itsy bitty saddle and a silver bridle in their face, they get rode...

...but that beast you got, yeah it so ornery...

Dairun Cates
2007-10-08, 07:11 PM
Meant the former, but possibly also the latter :smallwink:


No... an ass is the original name of the donkey. This is a really stubborn, epitome of evil donkey-kind, so it's 'bad'. This is of course a pun on the slang of someone being really tough, which the donkey also is.

If memory serves, the town was also named after a Donkey.

Skelengar
2007-10-08, 07:43 PM
maybe someone could make a tarrASSque

Eighth_Seraph
2007-10-08, 08:55 PM
maybe someone could make a tarrASSque
I sense a great disturbance in the force...as if a thousand foreheads suddenly cried out and were suddenly smacked.

The Bad Ass is pretty impressive, and would make for some good times against a level 3 or so party charged with transporting the thing. I wonder how many commoners working together it would take to push the thing into a cart...

vivi
2007-10-08, 09:12 PM
The Bad Ass is pretty impressive, and would make for some good times against a level 3 or so party charged with transporting the thing. I wonder how many commoners working together it would take to push the thing into a cart...

first level?

the Bad Ass will be great for my campaign!:smallbiggrin:

RTGoodman
2007-10-08, 09:18 PM
It's not really a creature, but I think it fits the theme.

Ass Hole

Trap; CR 5(?); mechanical; location; manual reset; multiple traps (one pit trap and one falling object); DC 20 Reflex save avoids fall; 40 ft. deep (4d6, fall); DC 20 reflex save avoids falling object; falling donkey, falls 50 feet into bottom of pit, landing on anything there (6d6, falling donkey); Search DC 20; Disable Device DC 20. Market price: 3,008 gp. Note: This is actually a CR 2 pit trap (40 ft. deep) that also features a donkey falling from the ceiling above the trap door in the event that the first trap goes off. If the pit trap is activated but the character makes the reflex save to avoid the fall, the door in the ceiling still opens and the donkey plummets 50 feet down into the pit.

Diagram:
http://i221.photobucket.com/albums/dd40/rtg0922/Diagram.png
A: Character who falls into trap.
D: Donkey

Serpentine
2007-10-08, 10:05 PM
By the way, feel free to get creative with some of the rules. If you want to make a unique donkey with 25 Intelligence, or make a really charming one, or tweak the advancement rules, or apply a template that maybe shouldn't quite be possible, as long as it makes some sort of sense, that's okay. I'll just call it homebrewed :smallwink:

wadledo
2007-10-08, 10:12 PM
The conformation is here!
My mighty 1/16 everything will be redundant!
Redundant I tell you!

Edit: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!

Aquillion
2007-10-09, 02:02 AM
Are we talking about a species of donkey, or a single unique donkey? Because with a unique donkey, it's really not that difficult.

Meet the one, the only, Greater Ass Diety
Medium Outsider
Speed 100 ft.
Attack: Bite +21 melee (1d2, automatically maximized to 2)
Full attack: Bite +21 melee (1d2, automatically maximized to 2)
Armor Class 33 (+1 Dex, +2 natural, +20 divine), touch 31, flat-footed 32
Saves: Fort +24, Ref +24, Will +20
Damage Reduction 30/epic
SR 52.
Fire Resistance 25.
Divine Rank 20.
Abilities: Str 10, Dex 13, Con 12, Int 2, Wis 11, Cha 4

I won't bother to list several other abilities gained from its divine rank, but you can see a list here (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/divine/divineRanksAndPowers.htm). Note that with an int of 2, it is not intelligent enough to use most of them. It can greater teleport and plane shift as a 20th-level caster at will, though.

Now imagine this fighting a group of moderate-level adventurers. It's too stupid to access any spells or other interesting powers, but it with maximized rolls and +21 attacks, it will always hit them for its mighty 2 damage bite, while they will be totally unable to hit it, bypass its damage resistance, or otherwise affect it directly in any form.

The players can easily escape it temporarily by flying, but no matter where they land, it can teleport in and keep biting them for 2 damage a hit. Teleporting away will only work until it finds them again, and it can cover ground quickly (nevermind its 20-mile hearing and sight, plus its remote sensing and portfolio sense abilities), so they can't really escape.

So... what do you think is the minimum level party necessary to deal with this donkey in some fashion? You don't have to kill it; simply preventing it from bothering you is sufficient (but note that if you just get 2 points of DR, it's smart enough to start kicking over all your stuff, eating your spellbook, etc.)

Serpentine
2007-10-09, 02:08 AM
What's its Challenge Rating? And either way's good.

Bayar
2007-10-09, 02:09 AM
Just to give some ideas: there was a pack donkey and a pack mule in the game Dungeon siege, it used it's hooves to attack...

Also, an epic ass: Donkey Kong (i know it is really a monkey/gorrila/whatever primate it is...but it sounds good)

Aquillion
2007-10-09, 02:14 AM
What's its Challenge Rating? And either way's good.Well... actually, now that I look, I can't find anywhere saying specifically that divine rank increases CR. So, apparently, its CR is 1/6.

EDIT: And I updated my previous post with a challenge! How high-level would a party have to actually be to neutralize its threat, if it was insanely angry at them?

Skelengar
2007-10-09, 09:04 AM
Deities don't have crs.

Doesn't matter how high a level they are, they can sacrifice carrots to it until it is appeased.

Fascisticide
2007-10-09, 09:53 AM
Here is the most dangerous, vile and scary donkey you will ever see. Even fiendish war elephants fear it.

http://www.orbitcast.com/archives/demDonkey.jpg

Be afraid. Be very afraid...

The Vorpal Tribble
2007-10-09, 10:09 AM
Btw, just a query... is 'anyone' going to post a donkey with, y'know, usable stats and maybe a description of the beast itself or any of it's abilities?


Here is the most dangerous, vile and scary donkey you will ever see. Even fiendish war elephants fear it.

http://www.orbitcast.com/archives/demDonkey.jpg

Be afraid. Be very afraid...
*snickers mightily*

Serpentine
2007-10-09, 10:20 AM
Btw, just a query... is 'anyone' going to post a donkey with, y'know, usable stats and maybe a description of the beast itself or any of it's abilities?
For the record, the one that most vividly grabs my attention will probably have the best chance of winning, and that's one of the easier/best ways to do it.

I don't get the American donkey :smallfrown:

By the way, the contest ends when I make the awards. Or people stop entering. Whichever comes first. Or maybe second. I'll give a warning first, though.

Drglenn
2007-10-09, 10:30 AM
For all you worms fans:

Concrete Donkey
Evocation [Fire]
Level:Sor/Wiz 9
Components: V,S
Casting Time: 1 round
Range: Medium (100ft +10ft/level)
Area: 20/40/80ft Radii (see below)
Duration: See below
Saving Throw: Reflex half
Spell Resistance: Yes

This spell causes a enormous concrete donkey to come into being above the target area, the donkey then drops onto the area, all creatures up to 20ft from the centre of the spell take 2d6 bludgeoning damage + 6d6 fire damage, creatures 21-40ft from the centre take 6d6 fire damage and creatures 41-80ft from the centre take 3d6 fire damage. The donkey has a 50+level% (max total 70%) chance of bouncing, if the donkey bounces the damage is applied again a round later, then roll for bouncing again with a cumulative -10% penalty for each round the spell has lasted, keep doing damage and rolling for bouncing untill the donkey stops bouncing at which point the spell ends.

drawingfreak
2007-10-09, 10:48 AM
Ow. The puns...they hurt me so. :smallbiggrin:

Closet_Skeleton
2007-10-09, 10:48 AM
Make an Awakened Donkey.

Give it levels in Wizard.

The Donkey wins DnD.

Alternatively add the reptillian template from Savage Species to a Donkey, cast awaken and turn it into Pun Pun.

Ashtar
2007-10-09, 10:57 AM
What, no Dronkey (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dronkeys) yet ?

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/7/71/Shrek_Dronkey.JPG/160px-Shrek_Dronkey.JPG

1/2 dragon donkey of cuteness ?

Duke of URL
2007-10-09, 11:10 AM
What the hey...

You approach the creature, not quite sure what to expect. Is it a new type of dragon? In the dim light, you can make out a few fangs and a claw or two, but the hide looks more like fur than scale. Suddenly, the creature stirs, lifts up its huge, hideous head, and speaks:

HE-HAWWWWWWW!!!!

A massive, donkey-like creature rises above you, stretches its wings, and takes to the air...

The wise ass looks, despite the massive size difference, much like its common garden-variety counterpart. The few noticeable differences are sharp fangs replacing its usual squarish teeth, claws growing where the front hooves ought to be, and a slightly tougher-looking hide. Oh yeah, and it has wings, too.

It's pretty resistant to spells, and can dish out a few itself via spell-like abilities, but it can be beaten down by a determined melee attack if it can be cornered.

Wise Ass
Size/Type: Gargantuan Outsider(air, dragonblood)
Hit Dice: 25d6 + 300 (387 HP)
Initiative: +10
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares), Fly 80' good
Armor Class: 40 (+4 Dex, +26 natural), touch 14, flat-footed 36
Base Attack/Grapple: +18/+30
Attack: Bite +36 melee (4d8+18)
Full Attack: Bite +36 melee (4d8+18), claw +34 melee (2d6+18), claw +34 melee (2d6+18)
Space/Reach: 20 ft./15 ft.
Special Attacks: Trample; spell-like abilities (see list below)
Special Qualities: Low-light vision; Darkvision 60'; Scent; SR 36; swift breed; spell absorption; DR 5/cold iron; immune to enchantment, disease, air, and cold effects; +4 save vs. sleep or paralysis
Saves: Fort +28, Ref +18, Will +16
Abilities: Str 46, Dex 18, Con 34, Int 8, Wis 15, Cha 12
Skills: Balance +6, Listen +5, Spot +6, (28 ADDITIONAL SKILL POINTS)
Feats: Endurance; Great Fortitude(b); Improved Natural Attack: Bite(b); Multiattack; Improved Natural Attack: Claw; Hover; Flyby Attack; Wingover; Snatch; Improved Initiative; Blind Fight; Combat Reflexes
Environment: Temperate deserts
Organization: Solitary
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Neutral
Challenge Rating: 20
Spell-Like Abilities: Charm Person, at will; Hypnotism, 1/day; Faerie Fire –or– Glitterdust,1/day; Detect Law, 3/day; Sleep –or– Enthrall, 1/day; Protection from Law, 3/day; Tasha’s Hideous Laughter or Suggestion, 1/day; Confusion –or– Emotion, 1/day; Eyebite –or– Lesser Geas, 1/day; Dominate Person –or– Hold Monster, 1/day; Mass Invisibility, 1/day; Geas/Quest –or– Mass Suggestion, 1/day; Insanity –or– Mass Charm, 1/day; Otto’s Irresistible Dance, 1/day; Obscuring Mist, 1/day; Chain Lightning, 1/day; Wind Wall, 1/day; Control Weather, 1/day; Gaseous Form, 1/day; Whirlwind, 1/day; Wind Walk, 1/day; Elemental Swarm, 1/day; Control Winds, 1/day; Plane Shift, 1/day

Template Order: Titanic (changes size to Gargantuan), Magebred, Spellwarped (changes type to Aberration), Half-Fey (changes type to Fey), Half-Air Elemental (changes type to Outsider(air)), Draconic

Lord Zentei
2007-10-09, 11:25 AM
What the hey...

Wise Ass

<snippa>

Heh, wow.

Though shouldn't it have d8 HD, being an outsider?


PS: and isn't Roy's head missing from your avvie? :smallwink:

Duke of URL
2007-10-09, 11:33 AM
Heh, wow.

Though shouldn't it have d8 HD, being an outsider?

Half-fey changed HD to d6, I didn't see anything in the half-air elemental template changing it back.

Lord Zentei
2007-10-09, 11:38 AM
Half-fey changed HD to d6, I didn't see anything in the half-air elemental template changing it back.

In that case, my bad.

Duke of URL
2007-10-09, 12:01 PM
28 ADDITIONAL SKILL POINTS

By the way, since I didn't feel like spec'ing out the skills, anyone should feel free to pimp my Ass.

RTGoodman
2007-10-09, 01:38 PM
"Who would preserve a decapitated donkey's head like this? I mean, really - that's just si- AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" - Last words of many an adventurer


Ass Head

Awakened Donkey Demilich Wizard 21
Diminutive Undead (augmented animal)

Hit Dice: 25d12 (159 hp)
Initiative: +7
Speed: Fly 180 ft. (perfect)
Armor Class: 52 (+8 armor, +1 Dex, +5 natural, +2 deflection, +23 insight, +3 size), touch 39, flat-footed 49
DR 15/epic and bludgeoning
Base Attack/Grapple: +11/-1
Attack: Bite +18 (1d2) or Paralyzing Touch +18
Full Attack: Bite +18/+13 melee (1d2) or Paralyzing Touch +18
Space/Reach: 1 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Paralyzing Touch, Trap the Soul
Special Qualities: Low-light vision, darkvision 60 ft., scent, +20 turn resistance, immunities, fear aura, spell-like abilities
Saves: Fort +8, Ref +13, Will +19
Abilities: Str 10, Dex 17 (with gloves), Con --, Int 39 (with headband), Wis 23, Cha 23 (with cloak)

Skills: Balance +5*, Concentration +25, Craft (alchemy) +34, Hide +35, Knowledge (arcana, religion, the planes) +34, Knowledge (history) +26, Listen +29, Move Silently +23, Search +34, Sense Motive +27, Spellcraft +36, Spot +30

Feats: Combat Casting, Craft Wondrous Item, Endurance, Enlarge Spell, Heighten Spell, Improved Initiative, Maximize Spell, Quicken Spell, Scribe Scroll, Still Spell, Toughness, Weapon Finesse
Epic Feats: Automatic Quicken Spell, Blinding Speed, Improved Spell Capacity (10th), Tenacious Magic (any)
Climate/Terrain: Any
Organization: Solitary, or 1 plus herd of donkeys
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Any evil
Languages: Any
CR 32 1/6 (?)

Turn Resistance (Ex): A demilich has +20 turn resistance.

Damage Reduction (Su): A demilich loses any previous damage reduction and instead has damage reduction 15/Epic and bludgeoning (15 points of damage is subtracted from all melee attacks unless the weapon used is both an epic and a bludgeoning weapon). Vorpal weapons, no matter their enhancement bonus, ignore this damage reduction but do only half damage to a demilich (demiliches cannot be beheaded).

Resistances (Ex): Demiliches have acid resistance 20, fire resistance 20, and sonic resistance 20.

Immunities (Ex): A demilich has immunity to cold, electricity, polymorph (though they can use polymorph effects on themselves), and mind-affecting attacks.

Trap the Soul (Su): A demilich can trap the souls of up to eight living creatures per day. To use this power, it selects any target it can see within 300 feet. The target is allowed a Fort saving throw (DC 41). If the target makes its saving throw, it gains four negative levels (this does not count as a use of trap the soul). If the target fails its save, the soul of the target is instantly drawn from its body and trapped within one of the gems incorporated into the demilich’s form. The gem gleams wickedly for 24 hours, indicating the captive soul within. The soulless body collapses in a mass of corruption and molders in a single round, reduced to dust. If left to its own devices, the demilich slowly devours the soul over 24 hours-at the end of that time the soul is completely absorbed, and the victim is forever gone. If the demilich is overcome before the soul is eaten, crushing the gem releases the soul, after which time it is free to seek the afterlife or be returned to its body by the use of either resurrection, true resurrection, clone, or miracle. A potential victim protected by a death ward spell is not immune to trap the soul, but receives a +5 bonus on its Fortitude saving throw and is effective against the level loss on a successful save.

Fear Aura (Su): Demiliches are shrouded in a dreadful aura of death and evil. Creatures of less than 5 HD in a 60- foot radius that look at the demilich must succeed at a Will save (DC 20) or be affected as though by fear as cast by a 21st-level caster.

Paralyzing Touch (Su): Any living creature a demilich touches must succeed at a Fortitude save (DC 41) or be permanently paralyzed. Remove paralysis or any spell that can remove a curse can free the victim. The effect cannot be dispelled. Anyone paralyzed by a demilich seems dead, though a successful Spot check (DC 20) or Heal check (DC 15) reveals that the victim is still alive.

Spells: The demilich can cast any spells it could cast as a lich.

Perfect Automatic Still Spell: The demilich can cast all the spells it knows without gestures.

Spell-Like Abilities: Demiliches use these abilities as casters of a level equal to their spellcaster level, but the saves are DC 41.

At will - alter self, astral projection, create greater undead, create undead, death knell, enervation, greater dispel magic, harm (usually used to heal itself ), summon monster I-IX, telekinesis, weird;

2/day - greater planar ally.

Magic Immunity (Ex): Demiliches are immune to all magical and supernatural effects, except as follows. A shatter spell affects a demilich as if it were a crystalline creature, but deals half the damage normally indicated. A dispel evil spell deals 3d6 points of damage (Fort save for half damage). Holy smite spells affect demiliches normally.

Phylactery Transference (Su): Headbands, belts, rings, cloaks, and other wearable items kept in close association with the demilich’s phylactery transfer all their benefits to the demilich no matter how far apart the demilich and the phylactery are located. The standard limits on types of items utilized simultaneously still apply. The donkey demilich “wears” bracers of armor +8, headband of intellect +6, pink Ioun stone, ring of wizardry I, ring of protection +2, and gloves of Dexterity +4, and a cloak of Charisma +4.

Undead Traits: Immune to poison, sleep, paralysis, stunning, disease, death, effects, necromantic effects, mind-affecting effects, and any effect requiring a Fortitude save unless it also works on objects. Not subject to critical hits, subdual damage, ability damage, ability drain, or energy drain. Negative energy heals. Not at risk of death from massive damage, but destroyed at 0 hit points or less. Darkvision 60 ft. Cannot be raised; resurrection works only if creature is willing.

*Skills: Donkeys have a +2 racial bonus on Balance checks.
__________________________________________________


Okay, so there's my contribution. I've never played (much less created) anything epic (or really even about 12th level or so), so there are probably things wrong. Also, I didn't bother coming up with spells prepared or a spellbook, so you're on your own as far as that goes. It's spellbook is gonna include nearly every spell, and the DC is something like 24 + spell level. Spells prepared could be anything you want.

Also, I did sort of break some rules (since the lich template is only supposed to be for humanoids), but I think this guy should be allowed to live (er, unlive).

EDIT: For more crazy fun with this guy, just add the (epic-level) Pseudonatural template, found here (http://systemreferencedocuments.org/35/sovelior_sage/epicNonAbominations.html#pseudonatural-troll) in the SRD (scroll below the sample troll to "Creating a pseudonatural creature").

littlechicory
2007-10-09, 01:53 PM
I don't get the American donkey :smallfrown:

I forget which, but there's a political party associated with the donkey. I think that's the reference.

Fascisticide
2007-10-09, 02:00 PM
Democrats = donkey
Republicans = elephant

That's why the fiendish war elephant being afraid of the vile donkey

Duke of URL
2007-10-09, 02:21 PM
Ass Hat
This cursed item looks like an ordinary hat, but when worn, the wearer is transformed into a donkey (Fortitude negates, DC 18), as if subject to the baleful polymorph spell, including the additional Will save (though with DC 18) to avoid loss of identity.

Strong transmutation; CL 15th; Craft Wondrous Item; bestow curse, baleful polymorph, polymorph any object

Arbitrarity
2007-10-09, 03:57 PM
I present... the THIGPWHCPDoL!

Also known as "The Thing". Feats and skills are not yet distributed. Incidentally, I'm not sure about how some of these templates interact. The real best trick is using Tauric template to stack templates, but that might violate the idea. It's just a giant donkey with an iron leg, a celestial demeanor, and wood-like skin, that can turn into a tentacle monster.

Titanic Half-Iron Golem Paragon Woodling Half-Celestial Pseudonatural Donkey Of Legend
Size/Type: Gargantuan Outsider (Fire, Extraplanar)
Hit Dice: 25d8+975 (1175 hp)
Initiative: +15
Speed: 180 ft. (36 squares, cannot run) 360 ft fly (good)
Armor Class: 80 (-4 size, +15 Dex, +35 natural +12 Insight, +12 Luck), touch 45, flat-footed 63
Base Attack/Grapple: +18/+74
Attack: Bite +89 melee (8d6+64)
Full Attack: Bite +89 melee (8d6+64) Slam +89 melee (4d6+42), 7 Tentacles +89 melee (2d8+44)
Space/Reach: 20 ft./ 15 ft.
Special Attacks: Trample (DC 58, 3d8+44), Horrific Gas, Breath Weapon (DC 63), Frightful Prescence (DC 33), Poison (DC 63, 1d6 Str/1d6 Str), Raging Blood, Spells, Daylight, Smite Evil, Improved Grab, Rotting Constriction, Constant Insight
Special Qualities: Low-light vision, scent, Magic Immunity, Construct Traits, Plant Traits, DR 25/magic, DR 15/Epic, DR 5/slashing, Rust Vulnerability,Spell-Like abilities, Fire resistance 10, Cold resistance 10, SR 125, Fast Healing 20, Vulnerability to fire, Haste, Immune to Acid and Electricity, Reflective Hide, Regrow Limbs, See in Darkness, Fire subtype, Darkvision 60 ft, Alternate form,
Saves: Fort +56, Ref +42, Will +56
Abilities: Str 99, Dex 41, Con 69, Int 20, Wis 42, Cha 24
Skills: Spot +54, Balance +57, Climb +72, Listen +54, Hide +41, Move Silently +53, Tumble +53, Use Rope +53, Use Magic Device +45, Spellcraft +42, Concentration +67, Forgery +43, Appraise +43
Feats: Endurance, Steadfast Determination, Power Attack, Multiattack, Improved Multiattack, Dodge, Mobility, Elusive Target, Improved Natural Attack (bite)
Alignment: Always Good (any)
Environment: Temperate deserts
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 48
Advancement: —
Level Adjustment: —

An enormous ass with a peg-leg and bark-like, reflective skin stands in front of you. Seven massive tentacles sprout from its back, and as you stare, it slowly turns around....

Titanic, Half Golem, Paragon, woodling, Legendary Creature, Half-Celestial, Pseudonatural.

Improved Grab (Ex)
If the Titanic Half-Iron Golem Paragon Woodling Half-Celestial Pseudonatural Donkey Of Legend (THIGPWHCPDoL) hits an opponent smaller than it with a tentacle, it deals normal damage and attempts to start a grapple as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity.

Rotting Constriction (Ex)
Once the THIGPWHCPDoL has hold of an opponent, each successful grapple check it makes during subsequent rounds permanently drains 2d4 points of Constitution. At the same time, the creature regains 10 lost hit points.

Alternate Form (Su)
At will, a THIGPWHCPDoL can take the form of a grotesque, tentacled mass (or another appropriately gruesome form), but all its abilities remain unchanged despite the alien appearance. Changing shape is a standard action. Other creatures receive a -1 morale penalty on their attack rolls against the THIGPWHCPDoL in this alternate form.

Constant Insight (Su)
The THIGPWHCPDoL makes all its attacks with a +15 insight bonus. The creature is not affected by the miss chance that applies to attacks against a concealed target.


At will—blur, dimension door, shield, unhallow, Daylight
3/day: Protection From Evil, Holy Aura, Greater Dispel Magic, Haste, See Invisibility, Speak with Plants
1/day, Bless, Aid, Detect Evil, Cure serious wounds, Neutralize poison Holy smite, Remove disease, Dispel evil, Holy word, Hallow, Mass charm monster,Summon monster IX (celestials only), Resurrection, Entangle, Summon Nature's Ally 2, 4, 6, 8, 9, Command Plants, Animate Plants, Control Plants

DC's hurt my head, as variable stat bases, and most CL's are 20.

Horrific Gas(Su) As a free action, the THIGPWHCPDoL can emit a cloud of poisonous gas from it behind in a 10 ft cone directly behind it. This cloud lasts one round, and the THIGPWHCPDoL can emit another cloud every 1d4+1 rounds. The initial damage is 1d4 points of constitution, and the secondary damage is death. A DC 43 Fortitude save negates both effects.

Smite Evil (Su)
Once per day a THIGPWHCPDoL can make a normal melee attack to deal extra damage equal to its HD (maximum of +20) against an evil foe.

Too many abilities...


Anyone who can help type in those abilities will be appreciated. Also, I should put in some sort of fluff.... hmmm...

Pepz
2007-10-09, 04:18 PM
this thread is made out of win and asses!

Arbitrarity, your donkey idea made me laugh so hard my housemates came looking what was so funny :smallbiggrin: nice job!

FireSpark
2007-10-09, 10:16 PM
I've done a very, very bad thing. I've created something that can eat a Tarrasque. With ease. We are all doomed. DOOMED I tell you!!

I give you, the end of all things. I give you:

The Ass at the End of the Universe
(the Fiendish, Titanic, 20 headed, Half-Green dragon Donkey of Legend)

Rising up from the dark pool of nothingness, which is all that remains of the universe and time itself, comes an enormous creature spawned from the nightmares of countless sentient beings. The beast sports twenty heads snapping with viciously sharp teeth, swinging terrible razor sharp claws. It's very breath is a noxious and acidic gas. And as if to grant the times some last bit of jest, a final stroke of irony, the beast and its heads have the form of a green scaled jack-ass. It looses a twenty-headed bray and existence, what little is left of it, trembles.

The Ass at the End of the Universe
Gargantuan Outsider (Dragon) [Fire]
Hit Dice: 63d12+1,008 (1,417 hp)
Initiative: +10
Speed: 40 feet; fly speed 80 ft. (average)
Armor Class: 41 (-4 size, +6 Dex, +29 natural), touch: 12, flat-footed: 35
Base Attack/Grapple: +47 / +81
Attack: Bite +80 melee (6d8+22 plus poison)
Full Attack: 20 bites +80 melee (6d8+22 poison) and 2 claws +80 melee (6d6+11)
Space/Reach: 20 ft. / 15 ft.
Special Attacks: Trample (3d8+33 damage, DC 48 Ref half), smite good 1/day (+20 dmg), poison (DC 60 Fort, 1d6 Str/1d6 Str), breath weapon 1/day (60 ft. line of acid, 6d8 acid damage, DC 60 Reflex half), rend (12d6+33 damage)
Special Qualities: Low-light vision, darkvision 60 ft, scent, cold and fire resistance 10, acid and electricity immunity, DR 10/magic, SR 25, fast healing 14, quickness, immune to mind-affecting effects, reflective hide, see in darkness, regrow limbs
Saves: Fort +32, Ref +26, Will +17
Abilities: Str 54, Dex 23, Con 40, Int 7, Wis 18, Cha 10
Skills: Listen +73, Spot +73, Swim +23 (+38 racial bonus to spot and listen)
Feats: Endurance, Great Fortitudebonus, Combat Reflexesbonus, Multiattackbonus, Improved Multiattackbonus, Improved Initiativebonus, Lightning Reflexes, Iron Will, Improved Toughness, Improved Natural Attack (bite), Improved Natural Attack (claw), Weapon Focus (bite), Weapon Focus (claw), Snatch, Hover, Power Attack, Improved Bull Rush, Awesome Blow, Diehard, Improved Speed, Rend, Shockwave, Wingstorm, Dire Charge, Fast Healing (+3), Fast Healing (+3) , Fast Healing (+3)
Environment: End of Time and Space
Organization: Unique
Challenge Rating: 26
Alignment: Chaotic Evil

...The mythical Ass at the End of the Universe is thought by some to be a socially humorous jab at the outlandish things other members of society believe in. After all, the idea of giant, 20 headed, dragon donkey is just too ridiculous to think about much less say with a straight face. However, known to only a scare few, there is not only substence to these stories, but truth. Those that know the truth, know that some day, this terrible creature will appear. As to whether the appearance of the Ass at the End of the Universe is the sign that time has come to end, or is the cause of said end, is still unknown. What is known, is that when this monstrous beast appears, it will be unstoppable.

COMBAT
The Ass at he End of the Universe charges into a fight biting and clawing. Few can stand against it for long, if at all.

.....Trample (Ex): As a standard action during its turn each round, the Ass at the End of the Universe (henceforth referred to as the AEU) can trample Huge or smaller opponents. This attack deals 3d8 + 33 points of damage A trampled opponent can attempt either an attack of opportunity at a –4 penalty or a Reflex save (DC 48) for half damage. The save DC is Strength based.
.....Smite Good (Su): Once per day, the AEU can make a normal melee attack that deals an additional 20 points of damage against a good foe. If the attack misses than the attempt is wasted for the day. If the attack strikes a non-good creature, there is no additional damage dealt beyond the normal attack.
.....Breath Weapon (Su): Once per day, the AEU can breath a 60-foot line of acid, that deals 6d8 points of acid damage. Creatures caught in the area of damage can attempt a DC 60 Reflex save to take only half damage. The save DC is Constitution based.
.....Rend (Ex): If the AEU strikes a single target with both claw attacks, the claws tear and rend at the target. This attack automatically deals and extra 12d6+33 points of damage.
.....Poison (Ex): The AEU has a deadly poisonous bite. If the AEU makes a successful bite attack that deals damage, the target of the attack also suffers from the poison attack. The poison deals 1d6 Strength damage as both initial and secondary damage. The save Fort save DC is 60, and is Constitution based.
.....Quickness (Su): An AEU is supernaturally quick. I can take an standard action or move action during its turn each round.
.....Reflective Hide (Su): The creature has a silvery sheen to its skin and is permanently protected by a spell turning effect.
.....Regrow Limbs (Ex): If the creature loses a limb, head, or body part, a new one grows in 1 round. A monster of legend with this ability cannot be slain by a vorpal weapon’s head severing ability.
.....See in Darkness (Su): The creature can see perfectly in darkness of any kind, even that created by deeper darkness spells.




I combined apparently legal templates, in apparently legal order. [Templates added in following order: Titanic(MM2), Multiheaded(SS), Fiendish(MM1), Monster of Legend(MM2), Half-Dragon(MM1)]. All feats came from either the PHB, MM1, or the Draconomicon.



EDIT: [0942 CST, 10/14/07] Cleaned up the stat block and made things more legible all-round. (At least I thought so.) Also added a bit more flavor text.

NakedCelt
2007-10-11, 05:30 AM
It's not really a creature, but I think it fits the theme.

Ass Hole

Trap; CR 5(?); mechanical; location; manual reset; multiple traps (one pit trap and one falling object); DC 20 Reflex save avoids fall; 40 ft. deep (4d6, fall); DC 20 reflex save avoids falling object; falling donkey, falls 50 feet into bottom of pit, landing on anything there (6d6, falling donkey); Search DC 20; Disable Device DC 20. Market price: 3,008 gp. Note: This is actually a CR 2 pit trap (40 ft. deep) that also features a donkey falling from the ceiling above the trap door in the event that the first trap goes off. If the pit trap is activated but the character makes the reflex save to avoid the fall, the door in the ceiling still opens and the donkey plummets 50 feet down into the pit.

Diagram:
http://i221.photobucket.com/albums/dd40/rtg0922/Diagram.png
A: Character who falls into trap.
D: Donkey

"Beware the Deadly Donkey..." (http://www.totally-funky.co.uk/pages/funky/productView.asp?ID=933&SID=389)

Serpentine
2007-10-13, 11:36 PM
grrrrstupidforumsgrumbleeatingmypostrazzafrazzawhy Ioughta
Okay. So. Interest has dropped off, so I'll start making the prizes sometime... "today". The contest will close 24 hours after I announce that they're finished.
There will be a 1st, 2nd and 3rd prize for awesomest/coolest/playablest/spiffingest donkey and one prize for absurdest/weirdest/silliest. Spells, traps and items don't really count, so I may give a prize for the best donkey-related product, as well.
Flavour and playability will be a big part of winning, so feel free to go back and add in extra fluff or other detail if you think your entry could use it.
Have fun!

Serpentine
2007-10-14, 05:06 AM
The prizes are finished. Judging (by yours truly) will begin in 24 hours from now, about 8pm Australian Eastern Standard Time, Monday. If you want to add, contribute or change anything, do so before then (or ask for an extension).

FireSpark
2007-10-14, 09:45 AM
I cleaned up my ass. :smalltongue:

The Ass at the End of the Universe looks all official now! :smallbiggrin:

Lord Zentei
2007-10-14, 11:21 AM
Only one entry per applicant, right? :smallsmile:

Serpentine
2007-10-15, 01:08 AM
No, not at all. Put in as many as you like. And it's not as though I'm in a hurry, so you can ask for an extension (I've been at uni too long :smallsigh:) if you need it.

Serpentine
2007-10-15, 03:51 AM
One more hour to go! =O

Serpentine
2007-10-15, 08:56 AM
Okay! The votes (mine) are in!

The Bronze Donkey, for third most awesome donkey, goes to
FireSpark for his Ass At The End Of The Universe.
http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h287/serpentine16/Prizes/donk3.gif

The Silver Donkey, for second most awesome donkey, goes to Vorpal Tribble for his Bad Ass
http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h287/serpentine16/Prizes/donk2.gif

The Golden Donkey, for most awesome donkey, goes to Duke of URL for his Wise Ass.
http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h287/serpentine16/Prizes/donk1.gif

The Concrete Donkey, for most absurd donkey, goes to Arbitrarity for his THIGPWHCPDoL.
http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h287/serpentine16/Prizes/donkcon.gif

The Stuffed Donkey, for best donkey-related product, goes to rtg0922 for his Ass Hole.
http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h287/serpentine16/Prizes/donkother.gif

Well done everybody. I have hope for the ol' nag yet :smallbiggrin:

Lord Zentei
2007-10-15, 09:03 AM
No, not at all. Put in as many as you like. And it's not as though I'm in a hurry, so you can ask for an extension (I've been at uni too long :smallsigh:) if you need it.

Whoops, missed that response. Ah, well... that's what I get for being in a different timezone, I guess. :smallwink:

Serpentine
2007-10-15, 09:07 AM
Awww, I was hoping for some last-minute entries, too :smallfrown: I'd love to see it if you wanna do another one, anyway.

RTGoodman
2007-10-15, 11:52 AM
Yay, I'm contributing!

I'd actually totally forgotten about awards and such - I just revisited the thread to see if anything else cool had been created, and I was surprised to see that the Ass Hole had triumphed (as they so often do :smallwink: ).

Lord Zentei
2007-10-15, 02:13 PM
Awww, I was hoping for some last-minute entries, too :smallfrown: I'd love to see it if you wanna do another one, anyway.

Eh, I had mainly reflected on the basic concept: "The Heard of Assmageddon": multi-headed and -footed Abominations that serve as steeds to the Hecatoncheires (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/epic/monsters/abomination.htm#hecatoncheires). :smallwink:

Since the contest is over, my natural lazyness comes into force. :smalltongue:

Arbitrarity
2007-10-15, 03:25 PM
Whoo, absurdity! :smallbiggrin:

FireSpark
2007-10-15, 03:32 PM
I got the Bronze Donkey?

<.<

>.>

Is that anything like a Brass Monkey??

>.<

:smalltongue:


(The FireSpark would like to apologize for the absurd number of non-text, non-smiley emotes in the above statement. Any inconvience is deeply regretted.)

Serpentine
2007-10-15, 07:46 PM
I would just like to mention that it's really hard to make a stuffed donkey that doesn't look like Eeyore.

wadledo
2007-10-15, 07:53 PM
I thank you (even though I didn't get anything, but I'm good without) for creating a donkey that doesn't look like Eeyore.

Duke of URL
2007-10-16, 11:08 AM
I'm very honored to accept the Golden Donkey award for making myself an ass on the forums. It's the first time that particular skill has ever come in useful for me.

:smallbiggrin:

Maldraugedhen
2007-10-16, 11:57 AM
Well, I've got one more to tag on anyway.

EDIT: And I can't believe nobody's done the template below.

Rock-Hard Ass

The unfortunate crossbreed of an earth elemental and a donkey, this creature imbues a donkey with the stubbornness of earth itself. Sold to traders native to the plane of Earth as a joke by especially malicious wizards, usually those who had been ripped off by those they're selling the donkeys to.

Size/Type: Large Outsider
Hit Dice: 6d8+18 (45 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 18 (-1 size, +1 Dex, +8 natural), touch 10, flat-footed 17
Base Attack/Grapple: +6 / +14
Attack: Kick +9 melee (1d8+5)
Full Attack: Slam +9 melee (2d4 + 9) and 2 hoofs +9 melee (1d8+5)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Trample 2d8 + 8
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft, scent, DR 5/-, Earth Glide, Push, immune to Poison
Saves: Fort +10, Ref +3, Will +4
Abilities: Str 18, Dex 12, Con 16, Int 2, Wis 11, Cha 6
Skills: Balance +4, Listen +8, Spot +6
Feats: Endurance, Diehard, Power Attack, Cleave, Run
Environment: The Elemental Plane of Earth
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 4
Advancement: 7-12 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment: —

EDIT:
Half-Ass
A Half-Ass is a creature only possible through the interaction of magic, and therefore is an inherited template. Such individuals have one donkey parent, and, as such, exhibit a few of the donkey's traits, such as being possessed of long, slightly furred ears, a short snout, and the characteristic stubbornness of the species.
Size and Type: Size is unchanged, type changes to Monstrous Humanoid.
HD and HP: HD changes to d8, but only if the HD are racial HD. Class HD are unchanged.
Initiative: Unchanged.
Speed: The sturdy legs of a Half-Ass grant them +10 ft / round movement.
Armor Class: No difference.
BAB / Grapple: No difference.
Attack / Full Attack: No difference.
Damage: No difference.
Space / Reach: No difference.
Special Attacks: The creature gains hooves, natural weapons that enable a single Kick attack, which deals 1d6 + 2 Bludgeoning.
Special Qualities:
Cloven Feet: A Half-Ass has hooves, which, while helpful for kicking, are problematic in combination with the rest of a creature's anatomy. Cloven Feet provides a -2 penalty to Climb, Swim and Move Silently checks. In addition, a Half-Ass may be outfitted with horseshoes, which increase the damage of the Kick attack to 1d8 + 4 Bludgeoning, and increases the movement multiplier from the Run feat (which they automatically gain) from x5 / x4 to x6 / x5. The horseshoes need to be custom-made, however--they cost 90 gp to make and require a DC 18 Fortitude save to be successfully attached (on a failure, the Horseshoe is destroyed and the Half-Ass takes 1d6 Fire damage). After being attached, the Half-Ass must stay off of his feet for a week, or must take the Fortitude save again once per day he has them on during that week. The initial fortitude save can be avoided with a DC 18 Heal check from a character supervising the attachment, or with the casting of a Heal spell, Restoration spell, or Greater Restoration spell. Later fortitude saves can only be avoided with the casting of a Heal spell or Greater Restoration spell specifically for the purpose of avoiding the Fortitude save.
Scent: A Half-Ass gains scent.
Base Saves: A Half-Ass gains a +2 flat bonus to Fortitude saves and Will saves, then another +1 to each from the boost to Constitution and Wisdom.
Ability Scores: A Half-Ass gains 2 points of Con and 2 points of Wis, but loses 2 points of Int.
Skills: +2 bonus to Listen checks.
Feats: Gain Run as a bonus feat.
Environment: Same.
Organization: Same.
Challenge Rating: +1.
Treasure: Same.
Alignment: Unchanged.
Advancement: Same.
Level Adjustment: +1.

DracoDei
2007-10-17, 08:26 PM
There should be a definition for what healing spells will reduce/eliminate the waiting period or negate the need for an initial fortitude save when attaching horse-shoes to a half-ass....

Maldraugedhen
2007-10-18, 06:22 AM
Updated as per your suggestion.

UndeadCleric
2010-06-18, 10:51 PM
I've done a very, very bad thing. I've created something that can eat a Tarrasque. With ease. We are all doomed. DOOMED I tell you!!

I give you, the end of all things. I give you:

The Ass at the End of the Universe
(the Fiendish, Titanic, 20 headed, Half-Green dragon Donkey of Legend)

Rising up from the dark pool of nothingness, which is all that remains of the universe and time itself, comes an enormous creature spawned from the nightmares of countless sentient beings. The beast sports twenty heads snapping with viciously sharp teeth, swinging terrible razor sharp claws. It's very breath is a noxious and acidic gas. And as if to grant the times some last bit of jest, a final stroke of irony, the beast and its heads have the form of a green scaled jack-ass. It looses a twenty-headed bray and existence, what little is left of it, trembles.

The Ass at the End of the Universe
Gargantuan Outsider (Dragon) [Fire]
Hit Dice: 63d12+1,008 (1,417 hp)
Initiative: +10
Speed: 40 feet; fly speed 80 ft. (average)
Armor Class: 41 (-4 size, +6 Dex, +29 natural), touch: 12, flat-footed: 35
Base Attack/Grapple: +47 / +81
Attack: Bite +80 melee (6d8+22 plus poison)
Full Attack: 20 bites +80 melee (6d8+22 poison) and 2 claws +80 melee (6d6+11)
Space/Reach: 20 ft. / 15 ft.
Special Attacks: Trample (3d8+33 damage, DC 48 Ref half), smite good 1/day (+20 dmg), poison (DC 60 Fort, 1d6 Str/1d6 Str), breath weapon 1/day (60 ft. line of acid, 6d8 acid damage, DC 60 Reflex half), rend (12d6+33 damage)
Special Qualities: Low-light vision, darkvision 60 ft, scent, cold and fire resistance 10, acid and electricity immunity, DR 10/magic, SR 25, fast healing 14, quickness, immune to mind-affecting effects, reflective hide, see in darkness, regrow limbs
Saves: Fort +32, Ref +26, Will +17
Abilities: Str 54, Dex 23, Con 40, Int 7, Wis 18, Cha 10
Skills: Listen +73, Spot +73, Swim +23 (+38 racial bonus to spot and listen)
Feats: Endurance, Great Fortitudebonus, Combat Reflexesbonus, Multiattackbonus, Improved Multiattackbonus, Improved Initiativebonus, Lightning Reflexes, Iron Will, Improved Toughness, Improved Natural Attack (bite), Improved Natural Attack (claw), Weapon Focus (bite), Weapon Focus (claw), Snatch, Hover, Power Attack, Improved Bull Rush, Awesome Blow, Diehard, Improved Speed, Rend, Shockwave, Wingstorm, Dire Charge, Fast Healing (+3), Fast Healing (+3) , Fast Healing (+3)
Environment: End of Time and Space
Organization: Unique
Challenge Rating: 26
Alignment: Chaotic Evil

...The mythical Ass at the End of the Universe is thought by some to be a socially humorous jab at the outlandish things other members of society believe in. After all, the idea of giant, 20 headed, dragon donkey is just too ridiculous to think about much less say with a straight face. However, known to only a scare few, there is not only substence to these stories, but truth. Those that know the truth, know that some day, this terrible creature will appear. As to whether the appearance of the Ass at the End of the Universe is the sign that time has come to end, or is the cause of said end, is still unknown. What is known, is that when this monstrous beast appears, it will be unstoppable.

COMBAT
The Ass at he End of the Universe charges into a fight biting and clawing. Few can stand against it for long, if at all.

.....Trample (Ex): As a standard action during its turn each round, the Ass at the End of the Universe (henceforth referred to as the AEU) can trample Huge or smaller opponents. This attack deals 3d8 + 33 points of damage A trampled opponent can attempt either an attack of opportunity at a –4 penalty or a Reflex save (DC 48) for half damage. The save DC is Strength based.
.....Smite Good (Su): Once per day, the AEU can make a normal melee attack that deals an additional 20 points of damage against a good foe. If the attack misses than the attempt is wasted for the day. If the attack strikes a non-good creature, there is no additional damage dealt beyond the normal attack.
.....Breath Weapon (Su): Once per day, the AEU can breath a 60-foot line of acid, that deals 6d8 points of acid damage. Creatures caught in the area of damage can attempt a DC 60 Reflex save to take only half damage. The save DC is Constitution based.
.....Rend (Ex): If the AEU strikes a single target with both claw attacks, the claws tear and rend at the target. This attack automatically deals and extra 12d6+33 points of damage.
.....Poison (Ex): The AEU has a deadly poisonous bite. If the AEU makes a successful bite attack that deals damage, the target of the attack also suffers from the poison attack. The poison deals 1d6 Strength damage as both initial and secondary damage. The save Fort save DC is 60, and is Constitution based.
.....Quickness (Su): An AEU is supernaturally quick. I can take an standard action or move action during its turn each round.
.....Reflective Hide (Su): The creature has a silvery sheen to its skin and is permanently protected by a spell turning effect.
.....Regrow Limbs (Ex): If the creature loses a limb, head, or body part, a new one grows in 1 round. A monster of legend with this ability cannot be slain by a vorpal weapon’s head severing ability.
.....See in Darkness (Su): The creature can see perfectly in darkness of any kind, even that created by deeper darkness spells.




I combined apparently legal templates, in apparently legal order. [Templates added in following order: Titanic(MM2), Multiheaded(SS), Fiendish(MM1), Monster of Legend(MM2), Half-Dragon(MM1)]. All feats came from either the PHB, MM1, or the Draconomicon.



EDIT: [0942 CST, 10/14/07] Cleaned up the stat block and made things more legible all-round. (At least I thought so.) Also added a bit more flavor text.

If everything hits and all the dice are averaged, you have 1089 normal damage and 140 strength damage. Holy ****.

Fenrazer
2010-06-18, 11:03 PM
How about a self aware Flying Talking Donkey that uses a Red Dragon as a mount...err wait. Already been done.

"NOW AHM A FLYIN TALKIN DONKEY!!!"

Pronounceable
2010-06-18, 11:20 PM
{Scrubbed}
However, I approve of the Ass at the End of the Universe.

Frog Dragon
2010-06-19, 06:12 AM
{Scrubbed}

Serpentine
2010-06-19, 06:53 AM
I've just asked Roland if he might leave this open if there's some interest in this. Assuming (as I expect) it's locked, would enough people be interested in a new ass-related homebrew thread to warrant its creation?

edit: This thread has permission to stay open for a while!
I officially declare this thread reopen for donkey-related creations. Get making!

Mr.Bookworm
2010-06-19, 09:43 AM
Yes, I was bored, why do you ask? Not quite finished yet, though.

Braughheehaw, the Smart Ass

You see a perfectly ordinary-looking donkey.

Donkey Psion (Nomad) 20
Medium Animal
Hit Dice: 2d8+2+20d4+20+22 (103 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 30 ft.
Armor Class: 13 (+1 Dex, +2 natural), touch 11, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +11/+6/+1
Attack: ?
Full Attack: ?
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: -
Special Qualities: The Insights of an Ass, Psion manifesting, low-light vision, scent
Saves: Fort +10, Ref +10, Will +32
Abilities: Str 10, Dex 13, Con 12, Int 57, Wis 51, Cha 34
Skills: ?
Feats: Improved Toughness, ?
Climate/Terrain: Any
Organization: Solitary
Treasure: None
Alignment: True Neutral
Languages: All
CR 20 1/2 (?)

The Insights of an Ass (Ex): Through long thought on the very nature of reality, and the unique knowledge and insight that can only come to one of life's lowliest creatures, Braughheehaw achieved true enlightenment. This gives him a +50 inherent bonus to Intelligence, a +40 inherent bonus to Wisdom, and a +30 inherent bonus to Charisma. He also no longer ages.

Nomad Powers Known: (573 PP, base DC 33+power's level, ML 20)
1st- Burst, Detect Teleportation, Inertial Armor, Déjà Vu, Far Hand
2nd- Dimension Swap, Psionic Levitate, Cloud Mind, Ego Whip
3rd- Astral Caravan, Energy Bolt, Telekinetic Force, Time Hop
4th- Psionic Dimensional Anchor, Psionic Fly, Psionic Dismissal, Psionic Freedom of Movement
5th- Baleful Teleport, Psionic Teleport, Teleport Trigger, Psionic Plane Shift
6th- Psionic Banishment, Psionic Overland Flight, Temporal Acceleration
7th- Dream Travel, Psionic Ethereal Jaunt, Decerebrate
8th- Mass Time Hop, Greater Psionic Teleport, Psionic Mind Blank
9th- Psionic Teleportation Circle, Time Regression, Microcosm, Reality Revision, Psionic Etherealness, Timeless Body

---

Braughheehaw was once a perfectly ordinary donkey. He lived on the road, traveling with a band of armed lunatics in disguise as heroes of the land, carrying the assorted supplies, looted artifacts of incalculable power, and civilization-destroying weapons that invariable go along with a group of adventurers. In his time with them, he experienced almost everything life had to offer for a donkey, and by the end of their journeys he had gained insights into the workings of realities that a serene monk would kill for.

He was close to dying, however, so he sat down his burden, the net worth of six lost civilizations and one now-lost civilization after the adventurers had been through it, and went to the Assyard, the secret place on the Material plane where all donkeys go to die in peace, free of the demands and masters, and with lush fields of carrots stretching forever.

He never reached the Assyard, however. He began to waste away in the mountains, and he settled into a cave to die alone, but at peace. It was not to be. In his final moments, Brahheehaw achieved some sort of knowledge, of the universe and his place within it, and it gave him strength.

He emerged from that cave vigorous and enlightened, and now wanders the planes for reasons only known to himself.

---

Braughheehaw, roughly pronounced BraAah-HeE-haWw, is a word in Donkey that has no translation in English, and we can't really pronounce the subtleties of in any case. Roughly translated, it means "The One Who Found True Enlightenment In The Great Stone Hills On The Final Journey" (Donkey is a very compact language).

As before said, still needs some work. Still, I like it. Good luck catching him if he doesn't want to be caught, and he's smart enough to outplot and outwit anything up to and including Asmodeus.

I might also put up a description for the Assyard sometime.

PEACH, I guess?

FireSpark
2010-06-19, 09:50 AM
Holy Schmuckers! My Ass inspired necra-threadomancy.

Awesome!

Debihuman
2010-06-19, 05:21 PM
Well I can take a look at Braughheehaw, the Smart Ass.

First, if you want this to be legit by the rules it requires a few changes. You should have this one listed as

Braughheehaw, the Smart Ass, Awakened Donkey Psion (Nomad) 20
Medium Magical Beast (Augmented Animal).

His hit dice should be listed thusly:
Hit Dice: 2d8+2 + 20d4+42 (108 hp). Are you giving him Improved Toughness as a feat? If so, he gains another 22 hit points. [2d8+2 + 20d4+64 (130 hp).

BAB/Grapple: +11/+11.

He doesn't gain bonuses from Size or Strength. Also, he can't really use weapons so he has to rely on his bite attack and creatures don't get additional attacks based on BAB for their natural attacks.

He should still have a donkey's special abilities and racial bonuses and attacks as a donkey. From being a donkey, he has has low-light vision, scent and +4 racial bonus to Balance.

As for skills: he gets 600 skill points. He can have a Maximum of +25 ranks in any one skill and then you adjust for ability bonuses, synergies, feats, etc. This gives him 24 maximized skills.

He started with Balance, Listen and Spot as its skills from being a donkey and has also Psion skills Concentration (Con), Craft (Int), Knowledge (all skills, taken individually) (Int), Profession (Wis), and Psicraft (Int), plus he has the skills listed for Nomad: Climb (Str), Jump (Str), Ride (Dex), Survival (Wis), and Swim (Str).

As a Psion he is proficient with the club, dagger, heavy crossbow, light crossbow, quarterstaff, and shortspear but not proficient with any type of armor or shield. Lacking hands might change this as well. It could be that he has theoretical knowledge and can teach.

At 22 HD he should have 7 regular feats and 1 epic feat. He gets Endurance as a regular feat (came from when he was a donkey). So you need to assign him 6 more feats and one epic feat.

He attacks like a donkey: Bite +11 melee (1d2) Full Attack is the same. You might want to give him some boosts from the Improved Natural Attack feat that monsters can have so damage would go from 1d2 to 1d4. Improved Critical would help too. His attack then becomes Bite + 11 melee (1d4/19-20) for having both feats.

Another useful feat would be Improved Natural Armor, you can give him one additional point of Natural AC for each time you give him this feat. You can give this to him multiple times if you like.

Debby