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View Full Version : Player Help I need some help with a character backstory of mine.



Xerxelipse
2019-08-12, 08:50 AM
This is my second backstory ive ever wrote, im fairly new to dnd...anyway, i was hoping that by going on ther interwebs (lol) i might find some people willing to and wanting to help me fix any typing errors and plot screw ups. In this post i have two versions, the second of which is closer to my original idea. The second idea also banks on the fact that you can change the alignment on monsters such as metallic dragons which ten to lean toward the good alignment, so don't be too harsh on the idea if at all possible. I am also open to new ideas and alterations as well so if you have any good ideas im willing to listen.
Thank You!!!
My First Character,
Xerxelipse Ainrod

Smit Fang
Alcross Alabaster
Half-Elf
Paladin

Born in the North Ward slums of Waterdeep to a woman whose only memory is her name. Alcross is the bastard child of human Cecilia Alabaster and high elf Brindel Cinderpine. Born to a mother who couldn’t support her child and a father who had no interest in a half breed son, Cecilia thought it best to leave her child at the doorstep of a local temple, a temple of Bahamut, and disappeared. Being raised in a temple the clerics and paladins schooled him in manners and honor, grace and grit, as well as magic and sword. Though being of half elven blood he felt alone, humans seeing him as an elf and elves seeing him as a human. Trusting only the temple and Bahamut who had so welcomed him he had came across a half-elf paladin of Bahamut named Trinity Bismeld, gaining the trust of Alcross he had offered to take him in as a disciple and train him as a paladin. For two years he trained, finally by the time he had turned 17 he took an oath as a paladin of Bahamut. Four years passed as the two travelled and spread the word of Bahamut as well as divine judgment, Alcross learning to trust others along the way. Throughout the years Alcross had noticed his friend and mentor, Trinity, would occasionally disappear from time to time. After 8 years of fellowship together Alcross’ curiosity got the best of him, and confronted Trinity about it, getting only “It’s a personal project I’ve been working on for years no need to worry my friend.”
But something seemed off about his story, Trinity seemed nervous and a slight look of deception came across his face as he spoke. Alcross, even more curious this time decided to follow him, they walked for hours in the dead of night finally reaching a cave somewhere off the coast of the Dock Ward area, looking in the cave Alcross seen piles of gold, pearls,jewels, coral, and more beautiful treasures. As he snuck his way in further he saw what looked to be an adult bronze dragon, knowing that the metallic dragons are of good nature and all he walked up to it, quizzing it about his mentor Trinity and it’s name. The dragon nervous and shocked, pointed to the cave exit and said, “My name is Smite Fang and I know not where your friend may be but this is no place for a child like you.” Alcross confused, thanked the dragon, left the cave and returned to the temple shrugging of the whole experience. A couple weeks later when him and Trinity set out again, Alcross noticed Trinity was acting strange and wasn’t himself, when asked what's wrong his only reply was “It’s nothing to worry about Alcross, let’s just finish what we set out to do.”
That night Alcross would try again, this time making sure to follow closer. Following Trinity to the same cave, he sneaks in again, but as he enters the cave he watches as his friend and mentor change and grow into a large adult bronze dragon. Seeing this his first instinct is to pull his sword and get into a defensive stance, now completely visible to the bronze dragon, he yells, “WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAPPENED TO TRINITY BISMELD!” The bronze dragon now visibly shaken, looks at Alcross with a disheartening look and says, “Look kid it’s not like I wanted to deceive you but, y'know, not all metallic dragons are good. You really have seen too much I’m sorry.” Then the dragon lunged at him, Alcross barely dodging out of the way. This time Alcross looking disheartened says to the bronze dragon, “Then who are you…” The
dragon repeats and exclaims, “I am Smite Fang!” this time swinging his claws. The battle dragged on for not but two hours before both are worn and nearly broken when Alcross delivers the final killing blow, putting his friend and mentor to rest. Alcross taking a claw and a new name as a remembrance of the friend, mentor, enemy, and only genuine father figure he’s ever known. As he leaves the cave beaten, broken, and untrusting once again, he finds himself in search of friends who he can trust and answers long forgotten about his mother’s disappearance.

Bonds
Well known in temples across the continent, and has connections with many of the temples that worship Bahamut.

Flaws
Untrusting of others who claim they know whats its like to feel alone.

Personality Traits
Stutters when really nervous.

Ideals
“If your willing to hurt others, I’m more than willing to pass divine judgment on you”

Alignment
Lawful Good

Age Height Weight Eyes Skin Hair
(23yr) (5’11) (185lb) (Light Gray) (Lightly Tan) (Long Deep Blonde)
(often put in a bun)

and here in an alternative version under, in your opinion which is better and please go easy on me...im new to writing so my grammar and plots thing are pretty bad lol

Born in the North Ward slums of Waterdeep to a woman whose only memory is her name. Alcross is the bastard child of human Cecilia Alabaster and high elf Brindel Cinderpine. Born to a mother who couldn’t support her child and a father who had no interest in a half breed son, Cecilia thought it best to leave her child at the doorstep of a local temple, a temple of Bahamut, and disappeared. Being raised in a temple the clerics and paladins schooled him in manners and honor, grace and grit, as well as magic and sword. Though being of half elven blood he felt alone, humans seeing him as an elf and elves seeing him as a human. Trusting only the temple and Bahamut who had so welcomed him he had came across a half-elf paladin of Bahamut named Trinity Bismeld, gaining the trust of Alcross he had offered to take him in as a disciple and train him as a paladin. For two years he trained, finally by the time he had turned 17 he took an oath as a paladin of Bahamut. Four years passed as the two travelled and spread the word of Bahamut as well as divine judgment, Alcross learning to trust others along the way. Throughout the years Alcross had noticed his friend and mentor, Trinity, would occasionally disappear from time to time. After 8 years of fellowship together Alcross’ curiosity got the best of him, and confronted Trinity about it, getting only “It’s a personal project I’ve been working on for years no need to worry my friend.”
But something seemed off about his story, Trinity seemed nervous and a slight look of deception came across his face as he spoke. Alcross, even more curious this time decided to follow him, they walked for hours in the dead of night finally reaching a cave somewhere off the coast of the Dock Ward area, looking in the cave Alcross seen piles of gold, pearls,jewels, coral, and more beautiful treasures. As he snuck his way in further he saw what looked to be an adult bronze dragon, knowing that the metallic dragons are of good nature and all he walked up to it, quizzing it about his mentor Trinity and it’s name. The dragon nervous and shocked, pointed to the cave exit and said, “My name is Smite Fang and I know not where your friend may be but this is no place for a child like you.” Alcross confused, thanked the dragon, left the cave and returned to the temple shrugging of the whole experience. A couple weeks later when him and Trinity set out
again, Alcross noticed Trinity was acting strange and wasn’t himself, when asked what's wrong his only reply was “It’s nothing to worry about Alcross, let’s just finish what we set out to do.”
That night Alcross would try again, this time making sure to follow closer. Following Trinity to the same cave, he sneaks in again, but as he enters the cave he watches as his friend and mentor change and grow into a large adult bronze dragon. Seeing this his first instinct is to pull his sword and get into a defensive stance, now completely visible to the bronze dragon, he yells, “WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAPPENED TO TRINITY BISMELD!” The bronze dragon now visibly shaken, looks at Alcross with a disheartening look and says, “Look kid it’s not like I wanted to deceive you but, y’know not all metallic dragons are good. You really have seen too much I’m sorry.” Then the dragon lunged at him, Alcross barely dodging out of the way. This time Alcross looking disheartened says to the bronze dragon, “Then who are you…” The dragon repeats and exclaims, “I am Smite Fang!” this time swinging his claws. The battle dragged on for not but two hours before both are worn and nearly broken when Alcross delivers the final killing blow, putting his friend and mentor to rest. Alcross taking a claw and a new name as a remembrance of the friend, mentor, enemy, and only genuine father figure he’s ever known. As he leaves the cave beaten, broken, and untrusting once again, he finds himself in search of something long forgotten. Lost and unknowing of his fate, he had broken his oath to his deity and had found himself stealing and murdering those who had crossed him- just as Trinity had done to him. For three years this went on until he had discovered a guild had arose in a nearby city southeast of Waterdeep, they were new and were recruiting. They were called “The Order of the Crows”, but common folk just call them “The Murder”. Alcross being known for his new identity Smite Fang, a ruthless paladin whos mercy lends itself to only those who beg, had decided to join. Four years were gone in merely seconds, with many close calls with death, he held a high position in the guild. One night after straying so far from his former deity Bahamut, in his dreams he had a vision, a vision of his long forgotten mother, in the vision his mother stood there in the streets wearing a beggers robe and in her arms a babe, a babe he understood was him. Then the vision changes to his mother standing at the enterance of a home most common folk live in next to her a man in his mid twenties, a man of similar facial composer to his, the man wore a farmers attire and had looked to have worked all day. Just before the vision fades he hears a voice, the voice of a woman, she says “Alcross find your mother, find her and live like you dreamed of so long ago.” The vision fades as he wakes up to find the moring sun stretching across the room, immediatly on his feet he flees the guild. A day goes by, then a week, seven months goes by trying to rekindle the flame with his goddess Bahamut, taking back the oath he once held. This time bound and determined to do what is right, he sets out on his vision quest to find his mother.

Bonds
Well known in temples across the continent, and has connections with many of the temples that worship Bahamut as well as many crime syndicates in and near Waterdeep, even feared by those who recognize him.

Flaws
Is quick to anger and sometimes even getting violent

Personality Traits
Often responds to someone when they say the word smite, even refering to just smiting something.

Ideals
“If your willing to hurt others, I’m more than willing to pass divine judgment on you”

Alignment
Lawful Good

Age Height Weight Eyes Skin Hair
(31yr) (5’11) (185lb) (Light Gray) (Lightly Tan) (Long Deep Blonde)
(often put in a bun)

KorvinStarmast
2019-08-12, 08:59 AM
I'd like to help you.

1. What are the Ability / Skill proficiencies that your half elf paladin chose?

2. What is his background (See Chapter 4, Players Handbook) Acolyte? That's my guess.

3. What level is this paladin? A level 1 paladin is not going to beat an adult Bronze Dragon. Nor is a level 3. Nor is a levecl 5. Your story needs to have a different mechanism for how your PC and the Dragon who was his mentor parted ways. It nees to be in some way other than combat.

4. Put within the context of how D&D 5e is built, this back story makes no sense for a level 1 PC. It would be an interesting story for an 11th level paladin in a party, or a 15th level paladin who had the help of an ally.


From the MM: ADULT Bronze Dragon: Challenge 15 (13,000 XP)
In its lair, the Bronze Dragon has lair actions.
It also has legendary actions that can be used as a reaction after another creature does something on its turn (not the dragon's turn)


Legendary Actions

Detect. The dragon makes a Wisdom (Perception) check.

Tail Attack. The dragon makes a tail attack.

Wing Attack (Costs 2 Actions). The dragon beats its wings. Each creature within 10 feet of the
dragon must succeed on a DC 20 Dexterity saving throw or take 14 (2d6 + 7) bludgeoning damage and
be knocked prone. The dragon can then fly up to half its flying speed.

So let's take this story down to the reveal in the cave.

The dragon nervous and shocked, pointed to the cave exit and said, “My name is Smite Fang. I know not where your friend may be but this is no place for a child like you.” Alcross, confused, thanked the dragon, left the cave and returned to the temple shrugging of the whole experience. A couple of weeks later when he and Trinity set out again, Alcross noticed that Trinity was acting strangely and wasn’t himself. When he asked what's wrong Trinity's only reply was: “It’s nothing to worry about Alcross, let’s just finish what we set out to do.”

That night Alcross tried again, this time making sure to follow closer. Following Trinity to the same cave, he sneaked in again. As he entered the cave he watched as his friend and mentor changed and grew into a large adult bronze dragon. Seeing this, his first instinct was to draw his sword and get into a defensive stance. Now completely visible to the bronze dragon, he yelled, “WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAPPENED TO TRINITY BISMELD!”

The bronze dragon looked at Alcross with a sorrow in his eyes. When he spoke, his deep voice rumbled and echoed from the cavern walls.

“Look kid, it’s not like I wanted to deceive you but, y’know, not all metallic dragons are lawful good. I've done what I can to teach you, but you have seen too much. I’m sorry. If you ever come back into this cave, I'll eat you.
Stay away from me.
Go out and use what I taught you to bring the light into the world.”

The dragon flapped his wings and the gust of wind knocked Alcross to the ground, knocking him to the floor. Alcross got up and charged at the dragon. A rapid swipe of the great scaled tail struck his side and slammed him into the cavern wall, knocking him unconscious.

Alcross woke up outside the cave with a splitting headache. The entrnace was caved in, a pile of rubble in place of what was once an opening.

He wandered back to the temple, beaten, broken, and untrusting once again. He left the temple in search of something long forgotten. He had trouble keeping his oath to his deity. He found himself stealing and killing those who had crossed him - just as Trinity had broken faith with him.

For three years this went on until he came across a guild in a nearby city southeast of Waterdeep. They were recruiting: "The Order of the Crows” is what they called themselves, but common folk just call them “The Murder”.

Alcross took on an ironic new identity, and called himself Smite Fang. He became a ruthless paladin whose mercy lends itself to only those who beg. Four years passed like that many seconds, with many close calls. He rose to a high position in the guild. One night, after straying so far from his former deity Bahamut, in his dreams he had a vision of his long forgotten mother. In that vision, his mother stood before him in the streets wearing a beggar's robe. In her arms was a babe, a babe he understood was himself.

Then the vision changed to his mother standing at the enterance of a home most common folk live in. Next to her a man in his mid twenties, a man of similar facial composer to his, wearing a farmer's attire and looking like he had worked all day. As the vision began to fade he heard a voice, the voice of a woman:
“Alcross, find your mother. Find her and live like you dreamed of so long ago.”

The vision ended as he woke up to find the moring sun stretching across the room. He was on his feet, fleeing the guild as soon as he was dressed.

A day went by, then a week, then seven months. As he traveled, he tried to rekindle the flame with Bahamut, seeking to restore the oath that he had originally sworn.

This time, Alcross is bound and determined to do what is right. The first step is his vision quest to find his mother.

======================

Bonds
Well known in temples across the continent, and has connections with many of the temples that worship Bahamut as well as many crime syndicates in and near Waterdeep, even feared by those who recognize him.

Flaws
Is quick to anger and sometimes even getting violent

Personality Traits
Often responds to someone when they say the word smite, even refering to just smiting something.

Ideals
“If your willing to hurt others, I’m more than willing to pass divine judgment on you”

Alignment
Lawful Good

Age Height Weight Eyes Skin Hair
(31yr) (5’11) (185lb) (Light Gray) (Lightly Tan) (Long Deep Blonde)
(often put in a bun)

Xerxelipse
2019-08-12, 09:57 AM
I'd like to help you.

1. What are the Ability / Skill proficiencies that your half elf paladin chose?

2. What is his background (See Chapter 4, Players Handbook) Acolyte? That's my guess.

3. What level is this paladin? A level 1 paladin is not going to beat an adult Bronze Dragon. Nor is a level 3. Nor is a levecl 5. Your story needs to have a different mechanism for how your PC and the Dragon who was his mentor parted ways. It nees to be in some way other than combat.

4. Put within the context of how D&D 5e is built, this back story makes no sense for a level 1 PC. It would be an interesting story for an 11th level paladin in a party, or a 15th level paladin who had the help of an ally.


From the MM: ADULT Bronze Dragon: Challenge 15 (13,000 XP)
In its lair, the Bronze Dragon has lair actions.
It also has legendary actions that can be used as a reaction after another creature does something on its turn (not the dragon's turn)


So let's take this story down to the reveal in the cave.

greetings it is i, a person lol

ok getting to business

first of all thank you for replying and helping in my quest to create a backstory, it is very much appreciated and i will take what you have said into great consideration and alteration will be made.

KorvinStarmast
2019-08-12, 10:08 AM
greetings it is i, a person lol

ok getting to business

first of all thank you for replying and helping in my quest to create a backstory, it is very much appreciated and i will take what you have said into great consideration and alteration will be made. OK, best wishes, I was trying to arrive at a way that a 1st level character ends up with the vision quest you had in mind. I think (personally) that you have the PC staying too long with the Order of Crows, and rising too high in their ranks. What I think would fit a first level PC better would be that after a month or two with those "not so good folks" the vision comes and he realizes that he needs to get back to where he came from.

If Alcross is starting at level 7, that's a different story. In that case, the rise up the ranks of that group of bad guys would a rich narrative reason to be "on the wrong side" which makes the "change of heart time" when Alcross realizes "what have I done?" when the vision comes to him more powerful. :smallsmile: