The unsocial are doomed?

[13_CBS]

Well, I've heard plenty of people telling me that, if you don't have people skills, you pretty much won't be very successful.

How true is this statement? Although they say life's not fair, it seems especially harsh to punish people who are naturally shy/unsocial.

[Ceska]

From people around me, not at all. My father has been rather successful all his life despite being shy, my mother is the total opposite and had no better life. Some people know how to sell themselves, and some know how to do the job they were selling themselves for. Getting the perfect mix is great, but not mandatory to be successful.

[thubby]

Well, I've heard plenty of people telling me that, if you don't have people skills, you pretty much won't be very successful.

How true is this statement? Although they say life's not fair, it seems especially harsh to punish people who are naturally shy/unsocial.

its... kind of true. you do need a certain degree of people skills to function in the world, though the minimum is incredibly low. if you want to be "successful", make lots of money, cushy job, the works, social skills (or being able to fake them) go a long way. there are ways around that, but its usually harder or risky.

[Rinquist]

Eh, being able to effectively socialize and interact with other people is a pretty important skill to have. I'm not saying that you won't be successful without it, but it definitely helps out a lot.

This applies from school and on. I'm not sure of your age, but when you get into higher education, especially at the University level, when your core classes are out of the way, you'll find yourself working very closely with your peers.

It becomes even more important once you've broken into "real life" and you're into your hunt for a career.

The ability to schmooze, make small talk, and be generally social and likable is very important in the workplace. From the interview process to the road to a successful career.

Unlike grade school, it's no longer a question of being ostracized by your peer group, but more of a "sink or swim" situation, being meek and shy won't get you far in a world that favors aggressive go-getters.

The again, this isn't %100 true, there's plenty of fields available to people who are on the shy side.

But think of it this way, knowledge is power. Social skills, being able to effectively and comfortably interact with people is yet another tool that doesn't always have to be utilized, but is definitely useful to have under your belt for anyone and everyone.

Try taking some communications and public speaking courses if you're looking to overcome your shyness. I wasn't very extroverted through grade school, but a few years in college and then film school taught me how important it is to be able to communicate with people.

[Catch]

Well, I've heard plenty of people telling me that, if you don't have people skills, you pretty much won't be very successful.

How true is this statement? Although they say life's not fair, it seems especially harsh to punish people who are naturally shy/unsocial.

It's not really about punishing the anti-socials, if you think about it. There are certain truths to having a successful adult life and one of them is the necessity of social interaction. You're surrounded by people and part of being an adult is communicating with them. Get good at it, get good at life. Real simple.

You're by no means obligated to do so, however. Thoreau built himself a cottage in the woods and spent much of his life in natural contemplation. He eschewed contemporary society and modern conveniences for a simpler quieter life. He also died of tuberculosis. So there's that.

[Raiser Blade]

Well social skills will help if you are in sales. Other than that they just help you make friends and get hugs from people.:smallsmile:

[Telonius]

Well, I've heard plenty of people telling me that, if you don't have people skills, you pretty much won't be very successful.

How true is this statement? Although they say life's not fair, it seems especially harsh to punish people who are naturally shy/unsocial.

True, to a degree.

Life is pretty harsh; it also punishes the naturally stupid, weak, and sickly. But the nice thing about being a human is that you're aware of this and can do something about it. Unlike the typical wildebeest, you do have a degree of control over how stupid, weak, sickly, or socially awkward you are. You can take steps to address each of those negative qualities. You can emphasize the positive qualities that you do have.

You don't need to have much social skill in order to be happy with yourself. You don't need much intelligence, or much strength, or particularly good health, either. There are lots of jobs where you really don't need to deal with people very much if you don't want to. You can be successful in any of them. But being very weak in one area means that ... well, that you're not as strong, over all, as you could be.

Having good social skills is one more option that you have available to use in any given situation. If your intelligence fails you, your BS might not. (Some politicians have made careers out of this). And intelligence, or strength, isn't always the best way to solve a problem.

[Indon]

Well, I've heard plenty of people telling me that, if you don't have people skills, you pretty much won't be very successful.

How true is this statement? Although they say life's not fair, it seems especially harsh to punish people who are naturally shy/unsocial.

It seems to me this is heavily dependent on your chosen career/industry.

Getting a job as, say, an actor seems to be much more socially oriented than getting a job as an accountant or an engineer.

Mind that you're probably going to network (read: Make friends/peers) in any field, but it's generally harder to not get along with people with similar interests (which people who have the same job are likely to have).

[Cubey]

I found out that while being 100% unsocial is pretty much dooming you, you do not have to be extremely easy-going to achieve anything. That's only what the easy-going people will tell you.
All you have to do when interacting with other people is: 1. Always act in a courteous manner and 2. Know why you're talking to them and don't let them brush you off before you achieve your goal.

So far, this approach didn't ever fail me.

EDIT: In short, act like a calm professional and not like a silver-tongued salesman.

[Closet_Skeleton]

From people around me, not at all. My father has been rather successful all his life despite being shy, my mother is the total opposite and had no better life.

Being shy doesn't mean you don't have people skills, it just means you have to work harder to learn them. Sometimes this means that shy people have better people skills than the more extroverted.

If you don't make an effort to learn people skills you are pretty much screwed. However that's only if you're really really bad, as in you'd probably have to be trying to fail to do that badly.

You can get by with bad people skills and you can improve your people skills, but staying completely anti-social won't help.

Then again, you can spend your entire life in your house, get all your food delivered and live off clever investing in the stock market. Or make stuff at home and sell it on ebay. There are ways to make a living without social contact, they just aren't the norm and may cause insanity.

[averagejoe]

It partially depends on what you mean by "successful." However, there is no one "trick" to being successful either. However, you will most likely have to interact with people a little, so passable social skills help.

[Om]

Although they say life's not fair, it seems especially harsh to punish people who are naturally shy/unsocial.If you want to be a successful musician you have to learn to play an instrument. If you want to be a successful doctor you have to be able to diagnose an illness. If you want to be successful in anything that requires human interaction then you need communication skills.

Unless you are a politician or salesperson then you do not need a silver tongue (I'm certainly somewhat introverted and not especially good with people) but a deliberately anti-social attitude, or a refusal to make an effort to integrate/communicate, will do you no end of harm.

[topher]

Depends on where you want to work and how unsocial you are talking.

Speaking from experience, write software for a living and the social interactions can be kept to a minimum. You still have to have some communication skills to express your ideas and work with other software people (who also tend to be on the antisocial side (stereotype:smallsmile: )) but idle chit chatting is not required.

If, on the other hand, you are completely unable to handle speaking with anyone, your pretty much screwed.:smallbiggrin:

[13_CBS]

Unless you are a politician or salesperson then you do not need a silver tongue (I'm certainly somewhat introverted and not especially good with people) but a deliberately anti-social attitude, or a refusal to make an effort to integrate/communicate, will do you no end of harm.

Well, crap. :smallfrown:

[Lemur]

Well, you need a certain amount of social skills to succeed at finding people to play D&D with.

:smallsigh: "Lemur, do you always have to see everything in terms of gaming?" I hear you say in your tiny and annoyingly high pitched voice. Of course not, I also see things in terms of cartoons. Social skills also help in finding out what comics and cartoons are good.

Society doesn't really punish people with poor social skills. But it sure ain't gonna make an effort to help them out. Books aren't going to read themselves to people with poor reading skills, and the quadratic equation isn't going to solve itself for people with poor math skills.

[Don Julio Anejo]

The thing is, it often works the other way too. While my dad is probably the perfect blend of extraversion/introversion (I'm punching myself for using the terms by how people understand them, not for what they actually mean) - he's content to work from his couch on a laptop most of the time, showing up for work when he has to, has his group of close friends but at the same time isn't shy about meeting new people, it's pretty hard for me and my mom. We're both extremely social, with fairly large networks of people we have to interact and maintain relations with.

Well, here's when it backfires. For one, if we're kept away from people (especially away from funny people you can fool around with) for more than a few hours, we start to feel really sad and stressed out. To the point where we can go into apathy if we're away from interaction for about a week. I had a really hard time deciding on what I want to do in life because of it... While I really wanted (and still do) to be an engineer, there's no way I would be able to handle sitting in an office by myself and only interacting with people who give one word answers. In fact I would probably love to bartend for the rest of my life. But it's really hard to make a career out of it. And then there's the almost physical strain of actually maintaining acquaintances so people don't forget you.

Sometimes we both envy people who would be content sitting behind a desk, shuffling papers (I'm being very general here) and knowing it's what they want to do.

[Rinquist]

In fact I would probably love to bartend for the rest of my life. But it's really hard to make a career out of it. And then there's the almost physical strain of actually maintaining acquaintances so people don't forget you.

I gotta disagree here. Bartenders in major party hubs such as Tempe, Arizona make more than doctors. And what they lack in retirement planning they can make up for with careful savings.

[Brickwall]

You wouldn't be asking this question if you weren't still a confused adolescent, so let me clear something up for you:

[B]The world is not like high school. What constitutes "social aptitude" in high school will not be the same as what it is in the great big. If you're worried about this, I'm guessing you're a "nerd". People think you're "uncool". Thus, while you probably do have acceptable social skills (you are obviously capable of communication), you don't know about them because you aren't allowed to use them. Fear not.

Once you get out there, pretend you aren't "antisocial". Pretend you were never outcast during high school. As long as you don't get seizures when somebody you don't know strikes up a conversation with you, and you're willing to put forth the effort, your social skills will be fine. Keep them at their minimum by talking to what friends you have often. You don't have to go to parties, but other large social events like, say, faires, will keep you on your personal interaction toes enough that you'll make it.

[Don Julio Anejo]

I gotta disagree here. Bartenders in major party hubs such as Tempe, Arizona make more than doctors. And what they lack in retirement planning they can make up for with careful savings.
I'm sorry, I think I should have expanded on that. It's not the money I'm worried about, I would be perfectly content living with close to no money, with enough to buy food, nice clothing and rent an apartment somewhere. It's just that a job gets boring after a while. You do the same thing, you get it down to a science (for a doctor, he can spot diseases from the look in people's eyes... for a bartender it's what to say to whom and how based on how they look, talk and their body language and how to also entertain people along the way). After that there's nothing left to learn.

That's what I meant by a career - you're constantly going somewhere, you're not stuck in life doing the same thing over and over again.

[Don Julio Anejo]

You wouldn't be asking this question if you weren't still a confused adolescent, so let me clear something up for you:

[B]The world is not like high school. What constitutes "social aptitude" in high school will not be the same as what it is in the great big. If you're worried about this, I'm guessing you're a "nerd". People think you're "uncool". Thus, while you probably do have acceptable social skills (you are obviously capable of communication), you don't know about them because you aren't allowed to use them. Fear not.

Once you get out there, pretend you aren't "antisocial". Pretend you were never outcast during high school. As long as you don't get seizures when somebody you don't know strikes up a conversation with you, and you're willing to put forth the effort, your social skills will be fine. Keep them at their minimum by talking to what friends you have often. You don't have to go to parties, but other large social events like, say, faires, will keep you on your personal interaction toes enough that you'll make it.

In school it's not social skills despite what people say. It's social status. Otherwise, why are butt-holes people normally wouldn't even talk to in real life often on top, while really, really nice, gentle people are somewhere in the middle going all the way to the very bottom (depending on how shy/outgoing they are).

Social skills are a part of it, but they're only a tool for boosting your social status. You're suddenly a lot cooler if you have an uber-hot girlfriend or if you're best friends with school's Van Wylder, but in the end it's about making yourself look good and unfortunately, often at the same time making others look bad.

[Aereshaa_the_2nd]

In my opinion, making yourself look good and others bad will only work in high school. In real life, those who cannot actually be good people are the ones who end up being brushed aside by society. Real life is not a popularity contest, where you succeed by causing others not to, it's more like a cooperative effort, where everyone can succeed by helping each other and generally acting like decent, moral, helpful human beings.

[Tom_Violence]

In my opinion, making yourself look good and others bad will only work in high school. In real life, those who cannot actually be good people are the ones who end up being brushed aside by society. Real life is not a popularity contest, where you succeed by causing others not to, it's more like a cooperative effort, where everyone can succeed by helping each other and generally acting like decent, moral, helpful human beings.

Agreed. Most people are a lot harder to 'fool' than many generally think.

[Rykaj]

For all of those who say social skills are only for salesmen and politicians: you're wrong. Sure you can get a career when you're socially inept, but if you know how to make other people like you from the get-go, you've got an edge right there. And that's the type of social skills I mean, I guess you could call it charisma. Because in every job you have social interaction, with your co-workers, your boss, if you have clients, patients or whatever, them too. It goes for just about every job, save the far-fetched ebay example mentioned above.

If you're a boss, who would you think has better potential? The guy who does his job, or the guy who does his job while getting along great with his colleagues and is just fun to talk to?

And for all of you who think: I hate those kinds of people, they're snakes! Then I say: You've clearly never met one. There are those who you've probably met who are just trying to impress the boss but gets himself disliked on the workfloor while doing it. He might go places, but won't get far, cause people will notice. I'm talking about the guy who is genuinely great, to everyone at work. That's social skills, they apply everywhere, and they get you far. Maybe even very far.

[Cubey]

If you're a boss, who would you think has better potential? The guy who does his job, or the guy who does his job while getting along great with his colleagues and is just fun to talk to?
The one with better work experience. A paper saying you had X years of successful work at a similar career before is worth way more than any education diploma, or personal charm.



And for all of you who think: I hate those kinds of people, they're snakes! Then I say: You've clearly never met one. There are those who you've probably met who are just trying to impress the boss but gets himself disliked on the workfloor while doing it. He might go places, but won't get far, cause people will notice. I'm talking about the guy who is genuinely great, to everyone at work. That's social skills, they apply everywhere, and they get you far. Maybe even very far.

Agreed. However, I don't think one can "train" such skills in themselves, at least not in the way one would expect to. That would only make them look like silver tongued snakes from your example. What makes you a social person is mostly your attitude - being open and friendly to your coworkers and maintaining a positive point of view. A grumpy, misanthropic loner who pretends other people don't exist won't go very far - but a guy who, while not actively seeking contact with other people, is open to them and responds in a friendly manner when talked to, will. Even if he doesn't have any significant "force of personality".


EDIT: I found that some "geeks" have an opinion that either:
a. being social is wh**ing yourself out, and that it's somehow more "noble" to act in an unsocial way
b. they can't be social because they're geeks/don't have many friends/don't like going to parties
And I tell you what - you got the meaning of "social" all mixed up! To be social in a workplace or in a place of interest is to treat other human beings with respect and friendliness - because they are humans, and deserve it as much as you do. Well, unless they are total jerks, but in that case they started it themselves. But if it is you who will act in an unsocial way (isolating yourself from others, ignoring their attempts to communicate with you and so on), then it is you who will be perceived as such a jerk. And in a way, a jerk you shall be - by not providing other people with attention they deserve (and I don't mean paying them visits after work, inviting to parties/movies or providing small gifts of appreciation - such gestures are nice but in NO WAY mandatory to be considered a social person!), you give out an uncomfortable impression that you do not consider them "worthy" of your attention - that you do not consider them equal to you.


I also would like to point out that I am a geek and nerd to the bone, extremely introvert, been to a party once in my life, but I am also a social person and setting up matters or businesses with other people is no problem for me. I can do it, so can you!

[Don Julio Anejo]

The one with better work experience. A paper saying you had X years of successful work at a similar career before is worth way more than any education diploma, or personal charm.
Depends on the boss. For example my dad's boss would never hire a guy who he knows will be unpleasant to be around (e.g. overly negative, criticizes everyone or a shut-in who pretends other people don't exist) no matter how much work experience he has. And I would dare say the guy is VERY successful by any standard (two companies, a hedge fund, several million bucks a year in income, etc)

Work experience in itself doesn't really mean anything. There are people who straight out of college can do stuff that's on a level beyond what some guy who's been doing it for 40 years can do simply because they can think outside the box.

[bluewind95]

Hm...

Actually, if my memory serves me right, there's 2 concepts that are a bit mixed up.

There's "antisocial", which means, basically, a person who goes against society, rebelling on purpose and that kind of stuff.

And there's "asocial". Which just means a person that won't socialize. Shy people are typically asocial. They don't quite rebel or do anything "antisocial". They just plain barely socialize. Antisocial people may not exactly be so shy.

I think that the most problematic of the two is the "antisocial" concept. Someone who is shy, but doesn't go against society can probably find a place in it. But if one purposefully goes against society, society isn't likely to welcome one into it.

So, no, I don't think society punishes shy people. I think society punishes those who become, in a way, harmful to it.

[heretic]

Social skills are very important. If everyone thinks you're a jackass it's pretty hard to get letters of recommendation, etc and people don't help you avoid pitfalls of whatever you're working together on.

For instance, in class today I noticed my friend was reading the wrong selection from the book that we had been assigned. Because his social skills were adequate to make a good impression on me, I tapped him on the shoulder and whispered the correct page numbers to him. If it had been someone I dodn't like, due to their lack of social skills, I likely would have said nothing and later sniggered as the fool attempted to participate in the class discussion over what (s)he had just not read.

[bluewind95]

If it had been someone I dodn't like, due to their lack of social skills, I likely would have said nothing and later sniggered as the fool attempted to participate in the class discussion over what (s)he had just not read.

:smallfrown: Aye... that kind of attitude caused me enough pain when I was a child that I lost all interest in becoming sociable. Now I'm generally polite to people, but I won't seek a friendship. People terrify me.

[13_CBS]

:smallfrown: Aye... that kind of attitude caused me enough pain when I was a child that I lost all interest in becoming sociable. Now I'm generally polite to people, but I won't seek a friendship. People terrify me.

And when advisors say that "unsocial people don't succeed", do they refer to people like Bluewind and me?

[Brickwall]

And when advisors say that "unsocial people don't succeed", do they refer to people like Bluewind and me?

No. Politeness will get you pretty far. You don't have to actually want to be friends with most people. Those who you want to be friends with will be your friends if you are polite and don't cower in a corner when they talk to you without a work-related pretext.

Seriously, you're worrying too much. Calm down. Focus more on getting a summer job or something to pad your resume. It'll work both angles anyway.

[13_CBS]

Seriously, you're worrying too much. Calm down. Focus more on getting a summer job or something to pad your resume. It'll work both angles anyway.

Calm down? What the hell do you mean calm down?! I can't calm down! Not now dammit! I-I-I...I've got college apps to write, essays to finish, and I've got this whole social issue to deal with what the heck do youmeancalmdownyou--

...

Ahem.

But in seriousness...it's not such a big deal, then? Huh.

[Brickwall]

Calm down? What the hell do you mean calm down?! I can't calm down! Not now dammit! I-I-I...I've got college apps to write, essays to finish, and I've got this whole social issue to deal with what the heck do youmeancalmdownyou--

...

Ahem.

But in seriousness...it's not such a big deal, then? Huh.

Humans are social creatures. Most of the stuff will come naturally to you. What doesn't is usually just a matter of overcoming social awkwardness, and everyone has to go through it, not just shy people.

[Don Julio Anejo]

Rant:

I seriously don't see what going to parties has to do with being social. Yeah, some parties you get to hang around and talk to lots of different people without getting too intoxicated. But most of the time it's people getting drunk, sometimes high and usually making out. Or nightclubs... You don't even need to be social there, the music is too loud anyway, just go around dancing with random people... And a lot of parties are nightclub parties. You'd get a lot more people interaction just by showing up at your friend's work and saying hi to people who work there...

/rant.

[Cubey]

I seriously don't see what going to parties has to do with being social.

It has nothing. It doesn't make you social, it makes you a... hmm, would "socialite" be a correct term? It is a misconception that I have written about - being social is about treating other people in a polite and friendly manner. Seeking out social meetings has nothing to do with it.

It's just like "antisocial" and "asocial" from a few posts ago. Antisocial attitude won't help you - but you can be asocial and flourish in a society just fine. It's just that many asocial people are afraid that comments about antisocial behaviour are directed at their asocial behaviour instead.

[bluewind95]

I may be extremely awkward socially. I may be terrified of people. But trust me. I'm NOT going to be unsuccessful out of it. I've learned to get along well with people even when I'm scared stiff of them. And I've learned to be polite. I've actually done pretty well in college due to this even though I'm very asocial.

[Telonius]

I think some clarification is in order. There are a lot of ways to have poor social skills. Some of them are deadlier than others. I'll try to put these into some archetypal "poor social skills" folks. Hyperbolized for your entertainment.

1. Annoying Guy. This is the person who's just obnoxious. Says the wrong thing all the time, offends people, and doesn't even know they're doing it. They generally don't get much help or conversation, but people (except for The Bully) generally don't go out of the way to harm Annoying Guy.

2. The Bully. Spends his or her time making enemies, putting down co-workers and classmates. The weak are especially vulnerable. People hate the Bully, but are a bit afraid of them. Much like a tyrannosaurus on its back, The Bully is really scary up close, but doesn't have a lot of reach. They have no support structure when things go bad for them. Others will usually take steps to harm The Bully if they think they can get away with it

3. The Quiet One. Stays very quiet, eschews social contact. Doesn't leave a bad impression, but doesn't leave a good impression either. Just kind of there. No real social network, except possibly among other Quiet Ones. Might actually have great social skills, or might be utterly awful at them; no one knows since they don't try. The motivation for their withdrawl is a mystery, since they don't tell anyone. The Quiet One is often found in a library, and probably owns one or more cats.

4. Trying Too Hard. This is the person who's read 500 self-help books and learned about half of what the book is trying to teach. They have just enough skill to be dangerous to themselves and others. They're generally seen as brown-nosers. They're superficially doing the right things - trying to be nice to the boss, networking, and all that - but they're so over-the-top about it that people notice. These people generally lack the ability to see situations from the outside. "How is it going to look to others if I act in this way?" is a question that either doesn't occur to them or they consistently answer incorrectly.

This certainly isn't an exhaustive list. You can probably tell that each one of these has poor social skills in different areas from the others.

[Thes Hunter]

I may be extremely awkward socially. I may be terrified of people. But trust me. I'm NOT going to be unsuccessful out of it. I've learned to get along well with people even when I'm scared stiff of them. And I've learned to be polite. I've actually done pretty well in college due to this even though I'm very asocial.


While I am the opposite. I am very social. I LOVE people!

Actually I like meeting people so much that when I am meeting new people I become a bit too maniac and then come across as some vapid ditz.

However, in job interviews and the like... I have HUGE problems with eye contact, and other social communication. So that it is sometimes difficult for me to get the jobs I want because of it.

So even though I am a social creature, my social skills do limit in some ways my success.

[bosssmiley]

You wouldn't be asking this question if you weren't still a confused adolescent, so let me clear something up for you:

[B]The world is not like high school. What constitutes "social aptitude" in high school will not be the same as what it is in the great big. If you're worried about this, I'm guessing you're a "nerd". People think you're "uncool". Thus, while you probably do have acceptable social skills (you are obviously capable of communication), you don't know about them because you aren't allowed to use them. Fear not.

Paul Graham on this very subject (http://www.paulgraham.com/nerds.html).

Popular kids get trained to be pleasing, nerds get trained to find the right answer. Which do you think counts for more in any field that actually matters?

[Om]

Well, crap. :smallfrown:What did you expect? Social skills, however minimal, are a requirement for every job that involves interaction with people, even if just your co-workers. I'd actually go further and say that they are a requirement for a good life - no man is an island and all.


Popular kids get trained to be pleasing, nerds get trained to find the right answer. Which do you think counts for more in any field that actually matters?Clearly you have minimal experience with middle and senior management :smallwink:

[Indon]

Social skills are very important. If everyone thinks you're a jackass it's pretty hard to get letters of recommendation, etc and people don't help you avoid pitfalls of whatever you're working together on.

For instance, in class today I noticed my friend was reading the wrong selection from the book that we had been assigned. Because his social skills were adequate to make a good impression on me, I tapped him on the shoulder and whispered the correct page numbers to him. If it had been someone I dodn't like, due to their lack of social skills, I likely would have said nothing and later sniggered as the fool attempted to participate in the class discussion over what (s)he had just not read.

I think this is another good example of the high school mentality that will, in time, go away.

If I see someone doing something like that, even someone I have never in my life met or spoken with, I'll correct him because it's the nice thing to do, and most people would do the same for me.

In order to be that much of a jackass, I would have to really actively dislike that person, which would take some effort.

And if you go up to speak, say, in a college class, and you're clearly mistaken on the subject matter, chances are most people won't laugh (well, depending on the specific class, I imagine). You're in college, which unlike High School, really is Serious Business.

[MrEdwardNigma]

Or nightclubs... You don't even need to be social there, the music is too loud anyway, just go around dancing with random people...
I think that qualifies as social interaction of a sort. I mean, you sure won't see shy people dancing with random people. Hell, I've overcome most of my shyness, and I don't do that...

Oh, and Telonius, an addition to your list:
5. Mumbles: Like the quiet one, but they do try. They just really aren't any good at social interaction. They say the wrong things, at the wrong times, and sometimes can't think of anything to say at all, becasue they're so nervous. These are the people that often stutter (is that the right word? I'm not sure) and blush a lot. They want to be social creatures, but they just don't have it in them. People like them, but just don't feel like hanging out with them, because it's too embarrasing, for everyone.

One last thing: life really isn't, as many have stated here before me, like high school. I just started at college, and really, no-one thinks in terms of "coolness" anymore. People are more adult, and pretty much everyone is willing to talk to you, even if you don't have that much to say at all. Off course, perhaps it's just because it's the first few weeks, and no-one knows anyone yet anyways...

[Castaras]

People skills are pretty darn useful. Those of us who are naturally loners rather than the pack animals that most of humanity are have a few problems, but not many. We'll cope, and be perfectly fine. And have a good life.

(And am I the only person who's thinking "Ding! You've gained another level in Socializing!"? :smalleek: )

So no. We're not doomed. We'll do well. :smallsmile:

[thubby]

So no. We're not doomed. We'll do well. :smallsmile:

indeed, I've found that not talking much makes people listen more when you do talk.

[Micate]

indeed, I've found that not talking much makes people listen more when you do talk.

Not to mention not talking much makes us better listeners.

[Tom_Violence]

On parties: They have their benefits, especially for those new to the realms of talking to people. Firstly, the drink is often flowing, which is nice for getting around those nasty inhibitions (just don't come to rely on it). Secondly, there's often a wide variety of people in attendance, so you can practice your chat on many different people, and if one group seems not to your liking, you can just move on.

So yeah, don't write parties off completely from the start. That's silly. Its also likely to get you a 'holier than thou' reputation if you go around insinutating that all parties that involve alchohol descend into disgusting drunken chaos.

[Jorkens]

Its also likely to get you a 'holier than thou' reputation if you go around insinutating that all parties that involve alchohol descend into disgusting drunken chaos.
Also it's inaccurate. In my experience, it's only the good ones that descend into disgusting drunken chaos.

[Indon]

(And am I the only person who's thinking "Ding! You've gained another level in Socializing!"? :smalleek: )


Your socialize skill has increased. You should rest and meditate upon what you have learned.

</ElderScrolls>

[Dallas-Dakota]

My case is very weird, I am popular in my school.
And I talk to people alot, though I am a loner.
I have social skills but I think I'm just a loner, I do better on my own, not relying on others........

[landadmiral]

Bill Gates

He lacks what we like to call - the people skills

[Micate]

My case is very weird, I am popular in my school.
And I talk to people alot, though I am a loner.
I have social skills but I think I'm just a loner, I do better on my own, not relying on others........

In High school, I was pseudo-popular also. Just remember to make friends when you get to college (unless you're already in college, then I guess you're already OK), or you'll easily be overwhelmed (at least, I was) (and yes, I like parentheses, sue me).

Yea, I have I think ... six? friends. Four of which are in college out of town, one of which doesn't have a phone (although we keep bugging him to get one), the last of which is my roommate who is getting on my last nerve. Yea... I'm a social loser. But oh well, I'm alive. Eventually I'll meet people again, and maybe make another friend or two before I die :smalltongue: . I have a good job considering I'm still in training, with a good career option if I chose to accept it, and my lack of socializing doesn't threaten it at all (though it may be noted, I actually do have great social skills, I am simply asocial). So yea, socializing isn't too important, even if it does make us feel good.

[Vella_Malachite]

Glad to see people have overcome their asocialism. Me, I have a hard time. I don't do people. I tend to say the wrong thing or just say nothing, and I am very introverted. I hang out with a group of extroverts, so that is a problem sometimes. Social interaction with anyone I haven't known for more than 6 months tends to scare me, and I am naturally very jumpy.

Yet, somehow, all of my parents' adult friends tell me I am very collected, highly intelligent and generally great to be around. Go figure.

[Elidyr]

Popular kids get trained to be pleasing, nerds get trained to find the right answer. Which do you think counts for more in any field that actually matters?

Being able to find the 'right answer' wont do you any good if you cant present it properly. Then again, even unsocial people can learn to present themselves in a work environment.

[Indon]

Being able to find the 'right answer' wont do you any good if you cant present it properly. Then again, even unsocial people can learn to present themselves in a work environment.

I dunno. A manager should be able to recognize a good idea even if the person presenting it can't keep eye contact, fiddles with their hands, and stutters incessantly.

Theoretically, anyway.

[13_CBS]

Your socialize skill has increased. You should rest and meditate upon what you have learned.

</ElderScrolls>

You win the thread, sir.

[heretic]

If I see someone doing something like that, even someone I have never in my life met or spoken with, I'll correct him because it's the nice thing to do, and most people would do the same for me.

So would I. I said I woudn't correct them if it was someone I didn't like, not someone I didn't know. I would correct a complete stranger, unless they made a very nasty first impression.