Albions_Angel
2019-11-21, 03:39 AM
Hi all,
I am not sure what I am looking for here. Sympathy maybe? Im just pretty down right now.
I started playing D&D about 7 years ago, with a dedicated group at Uni. It was 3.5, and we would meet up on a Sunday at 2 pm and play for 8 hours. It was fantastic and I fell in love with the game. For 3 years I lived and breathed D&D. I think it helped that we wernt friends outside of our sessions? Maybe? We would turn up, take 15 minutes to set things going, and then just play. No beer, no bowls of crisps cluttering the board, no distractions. We were there to play the game.
During that time, I also tried 5th ed with both that group, and another group. I was not a fan. I didnt like how loose it felt. I also didnt like the second group, which met for a shorter time (which wasnt much of an issue on its own), and used it as an excuse to chat and catch up and drink. The game was rule of cool, very rules optional, and nothing ever happened of any substance in the story. Nothing wrong with that, just not for me. About this time, I embarked on my project to create a massive, cohesive, immersive world in 3.5, comparable with pathfinder. I now have books of lore, histories of monarchies, hierarchies of magic and might.
I moved away, started my postgrad. Found out a bunch of people here like D&D. I have since then tried to set up 3 new groups (all at different times, I am not a mad man). These groups were: Close friends at work, a group from the university gaming society, people from a meetup group who attend a local gaming centre.
Knowing the importance of session 0, I have been open with how I would like things to go, and invited people to say what they want, so we can find a compromise. In every case, I get groups nodding, saying they would love something more focused. All 3 games made it to session 3, then fell apart. Those games were 2 in 3.5, and 1 in 5e. 2 in my world, 1 in a "throw away", less in depth world (I had begun to realise that my love for my main world might be a problem for new groups. I tried to create a scenario I wouldnt mind people ******* about in. I failed.) In all cases, I called a halt after each session took longer and longer to start. These sessions were 2-4 hours long, and by session 3, we actually only played about 30 min in each game. The groups were inexperienced, and apparently, so am I. I began to become disillusioned.
In the case of the work people, I think they were humoring me, and were mildly interested in the system. We were simply not compatible with how we wanted to play, and they didnt understand that session 0 isnt me dictating what I want to happen, its me saying what I would prefer, them saying what they would prefer, and then a compromise. Lessons learned. I messed up. Mea Culpa. This was in 5th.
The group from the Uni gaming soc did better. Not knowing each other, there was less incentive for them to catch up rather than play. And they all responded to an advert, and wernt just humoring me. But they found the system (3.5) hard to learn, even with me helping. In the end, while they liked the fluff of the world and their characters, I ended up essentially playing for each of them, especially during combat, as they asked questions. Maybe I expected too much. Again. TIFU.
The last group, the meetup group, was earlier this year. And it was an unmitigated disaster. I spent months making sure everything would be ready. I had new tricks, new ways of helping out they were more hands off, and I had physical copies of the books. That I earmarked at important pages. I could encourage them to look things up. I planned for shorter sessions. I started off with a series of shorter scenarios, designed to be finished in 2 or 3 hours rather than a grand plot. Session 0 went well, we talked setting, we talked expectations, we talked house rules and table rules. We compromised. One example stands out. I raised the point that I am not a fan of drink at the table. I do drink, but now when I am gaming. Too many times I have seen even one drink ruin a game. They wanted to drink, but appreciated my concerns. So a 1 glass limit was set up. 1 glass at the table. Anyone see the loophole? Yup. 5 people, all older than me (I am 25), predrank. That was one of several OOC problems. IC problems included literally all the characters being drunk too. Even though I put a hard rule down of "drinking happens off screen". I called it after 2 of the players drunkenly got in a fight about an old relationship they had.
During all this, there was one beacon of hope. My girlfriend, who I met and started dating early in my postgrad, initially lived with a group of 3 others, and had a couple more people, who all loved roleplaying and board gaming. Regular, weekly D&D sessions, via Roll20. Multiple games, multiple times a week. The sessions were shorter than I liked (2 hours), and not in person, but I could play. They certainly talked about D&D the way I did. Builds, strategies, grand stories, and very little "shocking grasp up the wyverns butt-hole". So I tried. And I tried. My main issue was pacing. Games that should have taken weeks or months took years. I would drop in and hate it after a few sessions, then die (unintentionally) and drop out. So I tried running. One shots that became 2 shots because my expectations of pacing were off. I tried in 5th (their preferred system) about 7 times, playing most of those, but running 2 one-shots. They would have fun, but I would secretly come away frustrated. I then gave a one shot of pathfinder, which went well, except one of the driving forces in the group tried a cleric, didnt actually read her class, didnt know about domains, and got angry at stuff. We all admitted there was a lack of communication there (I focused on others because she was positive she could read the class and build a character - I trusted her, I trusted all of them, but mistakes happen, and I should have checked). But I still left frustrated with pacing, and the lack of engagement in the world. And then it hit me. Of course they wernt going to be engaged when they knew it was a one-shot. But by now they had figured out I wasnt amazingly happy.
So I havnt played D&D with them in over a year. Frankly, I havnt really played D&D since my undergrad and its slowly killing me. Meanwhile, my GFs group are becoming bored with 5th. They started in 4th, and have played out most of the 5e content by now. They started to diversify. We all tried a single session of WFRP 4th ed (with me as a player), and I fell in love. Within a week, I had a campaign planned, though at the time I didnt say anything. They also started a starfinder game. Now there has been a standing edict in the group. "If we ever play 3.P, ask Albion if he wants go join". Only, they didnt. They asked my girlfriend, who doesnt like anything other than 5th, but not me. And I was in the room. Well, they knew her first, and they did have a lot of players, so... I am good at lying to myself. They also have only 2 of them that DM, and both are getting tired of it. So a couple months ago, I floated the idea of me running a WFRP game on Roll20, in 2 hour sessions, with relaxed play. I would be good. I would laugh with them. I wouldnt get frustrated. I was met with resounding silence.
Meanwhile, I am getting really upset with not playing anything. So I made a 5e game. One I dont care about the world for. A throw away, multi session, hack and slash, pirate adventure. I kept quiet about it. I didnt want the disappointment. Well, last night, my GFs game fell apart after an early (session 5) TPK. Rather than continue, they wanted a new game. My GF plays via skype, with headphones on, and you cant see me in camera shot. She floated the idea of me running. She knew I wanted to. I left the room. I didnt want to hear. She came in a few minutes later after signing off. No.
I know I am the common factor. I know the issue is me. But I cant even show to them that I want to change. They really arnt *******s. They tried. I failed them.
Now I am evaluating things. I dont think the games I want to play exist any more. And I dont want to learn a new way to play just for some random group of people on the internet. And I just upset my friends. I think thats it for me. Opportunities for me joining in person games at gaming shops are limited (the UK doesnt have a lot outside of a couple of major cities), and setting up games to be filled by randoms is too swingy. Maybe RP just isnt for me.
Still hurts though.
I am not sure what I am looking for here. Sympathy maybe? Im just pretty down right now.
I started playing D&D about 7 years ago, with a dedicated group at Uni. It was 3.5, and we would meet up on a Sunday at 2 pm and play for 8 hours. It was fantastic and I fell in love with the game. For 3 years I lived and breathed D&D. I think it helped that we wernt friends outside of our sessions? Maybe? We would turn up, take 15 minutes to set things going, and then just play. No beer, no bowls of crisps cluttering the board, no distractions. We were there to play the game.
During that time, I also tried 5th ed with both that group, and another group. I was not a fan. I didnt like how loose it felt. I also didnt like the second group, which met for a shorter time (which wasnt much of an issue on its own), and used it as an excuse to chat and catch up and drink. The game was rule of cool, very rules optional, and nothing ever happened of any substance in the story. Nothing wrong with that, just not for me. About this time, I embarked on my project to create a massive, cohesive, immersive world in 3.5, comparable with pathfinder. I now have books of lore, histories of monarchies, hierarchies of magic and might.
I moved away, started my postgrad. Found out a bunch of people here like D&D. I have since then tried to set up 3 new groups (all at different times, I am not a mad man). These groups were: Close friends at work, a group from the university gaming society, people from a meetup group who attend a local gaming centre.
Knowing the importance of session 0, I have been open with how I would like things to go, and invited people to say what they want, so we can find a compromise. In every case, I get groups nodding, saying they would love something more focused. All 3 games made it to session 3, then fell apart. Those games were 2 in 3.5, and 1 in 5e. 2 in my world, 1 in a "throw away", less in depth world (I had begun to realise that my love for my main world might be a problem for new groups. I tried to create a scenario I wouldnt mind people ******* about in. I failed.) In all cases, I called a halt after each session took longer and longer to start. These sessions were 2-4 hours long, and by session 3, we actually only played about 30 min in each game. The groups were inexperienced, and apparently, so am I. I began to become disillusioned.
In the case of the work people, I think they were humoring me, and were mildly interested in the system. We were simply not compatible with how we wanted to play, and they didnt understand that session 0 isnt me dictating what I want to happen, its me saying what I would prefer, them saying what they would prefer, and then a compromise. Lessons learned. I messed up. Mea Culpa. This was in 5th.
The group from the Uni gaming soc did better. Not knowing each other, there was less incentive for them to catch up rather than play. And they all responded to an advert, and wernt just humoring me. But they found the system (3.5) hard to learn, even with me helping. In the end, while they liked the fluff of the world and their characters, I ended up essentially playing for each of them, especially during combat, as they asked questions. Maybe I expected too much. Again. TIFU.
The last group, the meetup group, was earlier this year. And it was an unmitigated disaster. I spent months making sure everything would be ready. I had new tricks, new ways of helping out they were more hands off, and I had physical copies of the books. That I earmarked at important pages. I could encourage them to look things up. I planned for shorter sessions. I started off with a series of shorter scenarios, designed to be finished in 2 or 3 hours rather than a grand plot. Session 0 went well, we talked setting, we talked expectations, we talked house rules and table rules. We compromised. One example stands out. I raised the point that I am not a fan of drink at the table. I do drink, but now when I am gaming. Too many times I have seen even one drink ruin a game. They wanted to drink, but appreciated my concerns. So a 1 glass limit was set up. 1 glass at the table. Anyone see the loophole? Yup. 5 people, all older than me (I am 25), predrank. That was one of several OOC problems. IC problems included literally all the characters being drunk too. Even though I put a hard rule down of "drinking happens off screen". I called it after 2 of the players drunkenly got in a fight about an old relationship they had.
During all this, there was one beacon of hope. My girlfriend, who I met and started dating early in my postgrad, initially lived with a group of 3 others, and had a couple more people, who all loved roleplaying and board gaming. Regular, weekly D&D sessions, via Roll20. Multiple games, multiple times a week. The sessions were shorter than I liked (2 hours), and not in person, but I could play. They certainly talked about D&D the way I did. Builds, strategies, grand stories, and very little "shocking grasp up the wyverns butt-hole". So I tried. And I tried. My main issue was pacing. Games that should have taken weeks or months took years. I would drop in and hate it after a few sessions, then die (unintentionally) and drop out. So I tried running. One shots that became 2 shots because my expectations of pacing were off. I tried in 5th (their preferred system) about 7 times, playing most of those, but running 2 one-shots. They would have fun, but I would secretly come away frustrated. I then gave a one shot of pathfinder, which went well, except one of the driving forces in the group tried a cleric, didnt actually read her class, didnt know about domains, and got angry at stuff. We all admitted there was a lack of communication there (I focused on others because she was positive she could read the class and build a character - I trusted her, I trusted all of them, but mistakes happen, and I should have checked). But I still left frustrated with pacing, and the lack of engagement in the world. And then it hit me. Of course they wernt going to be engaged when they knew it was a one-shot. But by now they had figured out I wasnt amazingly happy.
So I havnt played D&D with them in over a year. Frankly, I havnt really played D&D since my undergrad and its slowly killing me. Meanwhile, my GFs group are becoming bored with 5th. They started in 4th, and have played out most of the 5e content by now. They started to diversify. We all tried a single session of WFRP 4th ed (with me as a player), and I fell in love. Within a week, I had a campaign planned, though at the time I didnt say anything. They also started a starfinder game. Now there has been a standing edict in the group. "If we ever play 3.P, ask Albion if he wants go join". Only, they didnt. They asked my girlfriend, who doesnt like anything other than 5th, but not me. And I was in the room. Well, they knew her first, and they did have a lot of players, so... I am good at lying to myself. They also have only 2 of them that DM, and both are getting tired of it. So a couple months ago, I floated the idea of me running a WFRP game on Roll20, in 2 hour sessions, with relaxed play. I would be good. I would laugh with them. I wouldnt get frustrated. I was met with resounding silence.
Meanwhile, I am getting really upset with not playing anything. So I made a 5e game. One I dont care about the world for. A throw away, multi session, hack and slash, pirate adventure. I kept quiet about it. I didnt want the disappointment. Well, last night, my GFs game fell apart after an early (session 5) TPK. Rather than continue, they wanted a new game. My GF plays via skype, with headphones on, and you cant see me in camera shot. She floated the idea of me running. She knew I wanted to. I left the room. I didnt want to hear. She came in a few minutes later after signing off. No.
I know I am the common factor. I know the issue is me. But I cant even show to them that I want to change. They really arnt *******s. They tried. I failed them.
Now I am evaluating things. I dont think the games I want to play exist any more. And I dont want to learn a new way to play just for some random group of people on the internet. And I just upset my friends. I think thats it for me. Opportunities for me joining in person games at gaming shops are limited (the UK doesnt have a lot outside of a couple of major cities), and setting up games to be filled by randoms is too swingy. Maybe RP just isnt for me.
Still hurts though.