Universal Laws of the Playground

[The Cats]

As in tongue-in-cheek laws of thermodynamics rather than suggestions for proper etiquette.

First Law of the First Responder
If you post a question the first response will be completely unhelpful and will go on at length about why they are being unhelpful. This is especially true in the RPG forums.

eg "Where can I find the racial traits for kenku?"
"Don't play kenku. If you play kenku your friends will hate you, your parent will disown you, and your neighbour will burn down your house." (but stretched out to 1,348 words)

First Law of Long Threads
If a thread goes past 10 pages anywhere other than friendly banter, it will at some point be locked by mods "for review." It will only be unlocked (if at all) when at least 5% of the comments within have been scrubbed.

Second Law of the First Responder
If you post an idea in any of the RPG forums, regardless of your specified intent in posting, the first responder will interpret it as you asking them to completely rewrite it using their own idea. If you do not agree that their idea is superior they will roll their eyes and make a numbered list of the reasons you are wrong. The amount of time and effort you put in to the idea is inversely proportional to how much of the original post the first responder will read before deciding they could do it better.

If your post is in the homebrew forum, all of the responses will be like this.

First law of Play-By-Post
Your game will not reach a satisfying conclusion. Ever.


What other universal laws of the Playground are there?

[DataNinja]

Every thread will eventually devolve into Star Wars. Yes, even that one.

[Sermil]

All threads in the Friendly Banter forum eventually devolve into a Random Banter thread.

Or die with 2 replies.:smalltongue:

[hmwd]

Does that mean that this thread will devolve into Star Wars?

[The Cats]

I love Star Wars! Who's your favourite jedi?

[Vinyadan]

Every thread will eventually devolve into Star Wars. Yes, even that one.

Only the Sith deal in absolutes.

What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly, and the Playground calls Mookie.

[truemane]

The Inflexible Formula of Front-Loaded Fun
No one responding to your recruitment thread for a high-level game actually reads your cool story pitch, or even wants to play your game. They just want to make a character. Even assuming you can cobble together enough finished sheets to make a party, everyone will drift off before the first scene is done.

[Strigon]

For at least third edition, no martial character can ever compete with a caster.
http://www.quickmeme.com/img/bd/bd47f0d1f973059d53d9a977a313fe870bc12af3728b45991a 2e83afad16ab7c.jpg

[Willie the Duck]

For the Webcomic section, one doesn't bother commenting unless the webcomic is one you used to like, but is clearly showing age or creator inability to accomplish what they are attempting, and you are mostly only still viewing out of a weird sense of loyalty/wanting to see something through.

[Rockphed]

For the Webcomic section, one doesn't bother commenting unless the webcomic is one you used to like, but is clearly showing age or creator inability to accomplish what they are attempting, and you are mostly only still viewing out of a weird sense of loyalty/wanting to see something through.

See the dominic deegan threads 3 - 32.

And I don't know what section of the board the OP is reading, but I can't even remember the last thread I commented in that got locked for review.

[Asmotherion]

You will find yourself writing half a reply or thread and then proof-read it to decide it's not funny enough or important enough to comment, and you just wasted 10 minutes writing it. Then proceed to find the context of what you wroght posted by someone else.

[Sapphire Guard]

I was going to invoke the law of inevitable Star Wars, but the thread beat me to it.

No matter how random and nonsensical a query is in the 'Realistic Weapons and Armour Question' thread , someone will know and be able to give detailed helpful replies.

[PopeLinus1]

First Law of Laws Any thread dealing with the laws of the playground will inevitably descend into arguments about what is true and false.

[Willie the Duck]

First Law of Laws Any thread dealing with the laws of the playground will inevitably descend into arguments about what is true and false.

I disagree.

[PopeLinus1]

I disagree.

Let us say, I post something on this thread, right? Let us say, hypothetically I post something on this thread. No, given that I post something on this thread, would you not hypothetically, end up disagreeing? No that we have established that we will end up disagreeing, would it not logically follow that we would end up arguing?

[Strigon]

Let us say, I post something on this thread, right? Let us say, hypothetically I post something on this thread. No, given that I post something on this thread, would you not hypothetically, end up disagreeing? No that we have established that we will end up disagreeing, would it not logically follow that we would end up arguing?

Look, an argument is a collective series of statements to establish a definite proposition; it isn't just disagreement.

[Telonius]

1. As the length of a build suggestion thread increases, the chance for a respondent completely missing a source restriction approaches 1.
1a. The curve is steeper if the OP is edited.

2. If the build requester neglects to post source restrictions, elements from the prohibited source will be included in every suggestion until this is corrected in the OP. (See 1a for consequences).

[Cazero]

Look, an argument is a collective series of statements to establish a definite proposition; it isn't just disagreement.
No it isn't. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohDB5gbtaEQ)

[el minster]

Anything a mundane can do magic can do better

[No brains]

An exemption to threads going 10 pages before getting locked:

Law of Conservation of Whining
A post can comfortably go longer than 10 pages if it is a thread discussing how rules can be dumb. See RAW threads, Dysfunctional Threads, LA Re-Write threads, and my dead thread in my sig. RIP

[Wizard_Lizard]

First Law of Balance threads
HAHAHAHA FOOL! you thought there would be a rule here!! Nothing will be balanced and all things are more overpowered than everything else!! AHAHAHAHAHA!
Also that everything can be overpowered if nuanced enough.
(THis rule is exempted by the non caster martials and rangers which are always underpowered.)

[Rynael]

For the Webcomic section, one doesn't bother commenting unless the webcomic is one you used to like, but is clearly showing age or creator inability to accomplish what they are attempting, and you are mostly only still viewing out of a weird sense of loyalty/wanting to see something through.

On the bright side, that's, like, most webcomics, so that makes it a lot easier.

[2D8HP]

First Law of threads about Star Wars: While every thread of sufficient length becomes one about Star Wars, threads that start about Star Wars become about Tolkien or medieval carpentry.

First Law of 2D8HP's posts:
For almost any thread that I have contributed more than two post in I will write "Well, back in the '80's" as part of a post.

Second Law of 2D8HP's posts: If the majority of posts in a thread slam 5e D&D I will argue how great it is.

Third Law of 2D8HP's posts: If the majority of posts argue how great 5e D&D is, I will praise TSR D&D instead.

Fourth Law of 2D8HP's posts: I didn't see that movie, unless it was at a theater back in the '80's