Begging for advice

[Vhaidara]

I am in 8th grade, and here is how I feel about my life right now: I'd prefer the last layer of hell to another day in that place they call a school. I am one of the most rejected people in my school, to the point where my friends are giving people things to throw at me. I have been putting up with this bull**** for 8 years now, and I can't take any more. I've tried getting help from everyone, my friends, the teachers, my parents, the counselor, even the principal, but nothing works. The worst part is that every time I try to get my parents to let me change schools, they give me a freakin' guilt trip about being a quitter. Quitting is when the odds are moderately fair. It's 70 against one, and I'm the one. I think the teachers know how I feel though. My Spanish teacher has actually had an in-class breakdown from all this ****. Please, I'm begging you, I NEED advice if I'm going to make it out of here alive.

[Ranis]

People suck. Welcome to the world.

Did you do anything to merit this attention? If your immediate reaction is, "of course not!" then actually ask yourself the question-you may find answers that way.

Be a good person and eventually something good will happen to you, regardless of how others feel or react around you. But you're going to high school soon. Rejoice.

[Morty]

:smallconfused: Is there any specific reason people hate you so much? I know that sometimes people don't need any reason, or at least logical reason, but I think it needs to be said if you want help.
Changing school may actually work. I used to be universally hated in my old class, but when I graduated and got to middle school, I'm on good terms with everyone.

[Vhaidara]

The only reason I can think of is because I actually give a damn about the rules. I tuck in my shirt. I don't chew gum. I do my homework. I don't cheat. I'm quiet in class. My grade is full of *******s.

[Ceska]

First question, what exactly is it they do to you? Do they only throw things at you or do they harm you as well?

Before I don't understand the situation better I do not dare to give a serious answer. I'd just prefer you stayed in school, though it seems you should change the specific school you go to, than you'd quit it altogether.


The worst part is that every time I try to get my parents to let me change schools, they give me a freakin' guilt trip about being a quitter.
Congratulations, your parents are officially idiots. Not to sound offensive, but if they really care more about their personal honour ("I'll not have a son who is a quitter") than the good of their child they don't deserve to have one at all.

[Vhaidara]

Not so much that directly, but that's what it makes me feel like. It makes me feel like if I do it I'm a quitter. And the things they do range from taking my stuff, spitballs, spiderbites with rubberbands that could wrap around the desk, and pushing to punting stuff into the back of my head, kicking my soccerball into someone's fenced in back yard (five times), and, last year, tackling me and throwing various reccess equipment (including one basketball) at my personal regions.

[Dryken]

I used to get a lot of bullying when I was young because of two big factors: I was a bit overweight and I enjoyed reading. As such I was picked on a lot and had many days where I would just totally break down.

High school got better though. Grade nine was still bully-filled but I made friends with the cool crowd and by graduation I was pretty popular. Now I'm working in a line of work I love and the bullies are still working retail and getting high. I should also note that thanks to about nine years of being constantly picked on, I can now take criticism about my work really really well.

Here's my advice: Be patient. Before you know it, you'll be the one moving on from things and the bullys you're dealing with will be losers who are still stuck in the good old days when they were popular. If there's one thing I've learned it's that nerds or "the losers" in school ALWAYS win in real life.

[zeratul]

Welcome to middle school. Here's my advise. Stand up for yourself by speaking the only language these people know - swearing, or insults. Explain to your parents the magnitude of the situation, if they don't show compassion, tell them off untill they get it. I went through hell in middle school too man. Also find more isolated kids to befriend, ditch your current friends, they sound like jerks.

[StickMan]

I know the feeling. In fact I know the exact feeling this was more or less by middle school life. Best thing I can tell you to do is not fight back, don't make some snappy come back, don't freak out if you get stuff thrown at you it only makes them happy. If someone tries to physically attack you its a bit of a different story best advice is do what ever you have to get out of the situation and get to a teacher or someone else. If you ever have the option to walk away from something, at any point, walk away.

Trust me I know how much it sucks right now, I had the same exact situation. You school and you wish you could just shut them up more than anything else in the world and you feel as if it will never stop eating your soul. But it will, I can't tell you if it will be next year or the year after or when, but at some point people grow up and it stops. Your life will get better at some point as long as you don't let this horrid time in your life shut you down and break you.

I know this is not some great profound answer to your question but it is what I have lived and its what I know to be true.

[zeratul]

I know the feeling. In fact I know the exact feeling this was more or less by middle school life. Best thing I can tell you to do is not fight back, don't make some snappy come back, don't freak out if you get stuff thrown at you it only makes them happy. If someone tries to physically attack you its a bit of a different story best advice is do what ever you have to get out of the situation and get to a teacher or someone else. If you ever have the option to walk away from something, at any point, walk away.


Listen man I'm a pacifist but pacifism against these kinds of kids just doesn't work. Does nothing but make you an easier target for them. Once you start standing up for yourself they generally find a new kid to torment.

[Aizle]

I am in 8th grade, and here is how I feel about my life right now: I'd prefer the last layer of hell to another day in that place they call a school. I am one of the most rejected people in my school, to the point where my friends are giving people things to throw at me. I have been putting up with this bull**** for 8 years now, and I can't take any more. I've tried getting help from everyone, my friends, the teachers, my parents, the counselor, even the principal, but nothing works. The worst part is that every time I try to get my parents to let me change schools, they give me a freakin' guilt trip about being a quitter. Quitting is when the odds are moderately fair. It's 70 against one, and I'm the one. I think the teachers know how I feel though. My Spanish teacher has actually had an in-class breakdown from all this ****. Please, I'm begging you, I NEED advice if I'm going to make it out of here alive.

While my situation years ago wasn't quite this severe, perhaps my experience may help. When I was your age (I'm 37 now) I was the proto-typical nerd. I was bright, very good a school and maybe had one or two people that I could honestly call friends at school. The only reason anyone talked to me outside of those people was to get answers for tests or help with homework.

The summer after my 8th grade year, I decided that I'd had enough. Basically, I was tired of not being physically in shape, and viewed as "prey" for whatever bully (mental or physical) was around. I decided to get into physical shape. Because it was summer and I wasn't a really big team sport fan, I started taking Tae Kwon Do. When I started High School, I also went out for track and was a sprinter/hurdler. Over my High School career, I kept up with TKD and actually got my black belt just before my senior year. When I started High School I was 5'10" and 110 lbs. When I finished, I was 145 lbs. and 2-3% body fat.

The change over the years in people's perception of me was nothing short of amazing. When I started High School, I knew maybe 2-3 people and didn't really talk to many other folks. When I finished High School, I couldn't walk more than 10 ft. down the hall without saying hello to someone.

Now to be clear, I didn't suddenly become friends with everyone, but I was an aquaintence with TONS of people and was generally regarded well by most every "clique" in the school.

I also want to make sure that you understand that I didn't choose a martial art because I wanted to beat people up. It was more that it was interesting to me and a great way to get into shape. If you end up wanting more information on finding a good martial art, feel free to PM me. I've been involved in multiple martial arts over the years and would be happy to provide some guidance.

[LCR]

That is quite a situation and you have all my sympathy.
Whatever your parents say, changing school does not make you a quitter. Try talking to your parents and do your best to show them how serious your situation is. If they don't understand (or don't want to understand), do it anyway. This might make you feel bad but in the end your parents will see that a different school will do you good.
Also, talk to your school counselor (if such a person exists). Or your headmaster. Throwing things at people and constant bullying are serious matters.

[Vhaidara]

Dryken, take the first reason, and reverse it, and you have me. I'm 5'2", 13, and under 100 pounds. I was a skeleton until recently. I've been gaining weight as I grew, but it used to be like 4'9" and 75.

Zer, the issue is that I am the most isolated of the isolated. One of them has been my friend since kindergarten, through everything, Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts, soccer, 8 years on the bus. He was my first real friend. The other one that I considered a good friend up until today is like me, but he's smarter, and more of a people person. The strange thing is, our frienship started as a deal so that I'd stop annoying him. Now, we're basicly the major source of competition for the other.

And everyone, the say they have a reason, which is that I'm annoying. This at lunch, while I sit there quietly eating my lnch and thinking while they insult me and do the things listed in another post. I never denied that I wasn't incredibly annoying in previous years, but I've gotten better medication for my ADD since then.

[thubby]

your parents are idiots, ignore the guilt trip. despite your age you can get a surprising amount of control over your situation. its all a matter of how much you want it. if you are absolutely determined to leave, stop going to school, nothing physically forces you to go and/or stay. but thats a bit extreme, give them a guilt trip about forcing you to remain in some place you are miserable just because you don't stand up to some loft concept like not quitting on something that has no end goal.
honestly though, I'd just stick low and end run for high school.
fighting back is a bad idea unless your good at it, because if your not it bites you in the ass.

[Raiser Blade]

Tell you parents that you need to change schools because you are being Physically and mentally abused by your peers. If they still don't listen then i don't know what to do.

[StickMan]

Listen man I'm a pacifist but pacifism against these kinds of kids just doesn't work. Does nothing but make you an easier target for them. Once you start standing up for yourself they generally find a new kid to torment.

Listen Man I don't know who you think your talking to but I lived this! Its how I made it out and its why I'm not bitter. You make your self a bigger target by trying fight back they will find away to turn it on you.

I've been cussed at, called gay, insulted for my clothing, I've had things stolen from me, I've been the monkey in the middle, I've been pushed in to lockers, punched, kicked and had everything from food to balls thrown at me.

Don't you ever try and act like I don't know what the heck its like to be in that situation unless you know me. In a school full of jerks and bullies I made it out eventually by being better than them. I'm now generally healthy and happy with my life for all the stuff I went through.

[Tormsskull]

No offense, and I know this is going to sound harsh, especially sinc eyou're only 13, but if you don't stand up for yourself you deserve to be picked on.

Many kids are mean, that's just part of life. They go through that phase. If they pick on you, especially by physically hitting you, and you don't do anything to stop them, you are sending them the message that you are weak and cannot defend yourself. This encourages more picking on.

Get some confidence. Stand up for yourself.

[zeratul]

Listen Man I don't know who you think your talking to but I lived this! Its how I made it out and its why I'm not bitter. You make your self a bigger target by trying fight back they will find away to turn it on you.

I've been cussed at, called gay, insulted for my clothing, I've had things stolen from me, I've been the monkey in the middle, I've been pushed in to lockers, punched, kicked and had everything from food to balls thrown at me.

Don't you ever try and act like I don't know what the heck its like to be in that situation unless you know me. In a school full of jerks and bullies I made it out eventually by being better than them. I'm now generally healthy and happy with my life for all the stuff I went through.

I meant no offense, and I have a tendency to refer to people as 'man' or 'dude' which seems to be leaking onto the forums. Perhaps your way is better, I'm still just a ninth grader, and you have much more experience than me. I was simply sharing my own personal experience, and was not trying to belittle yours, sorry if you took it that way though.

[Vhaidara]

Torm, I tried. Unfortunately, the moment I do, it becomes roughly 10 on one. And, I'll be honest, I'm a freakin' wuss. I am one of the weakest kids in our grade. I'm almost all brains, no brawn.

[Siligero]

I say, just let them hit you, but don't be affected by it. They'll get bored for the same reason that Belkar doesn't deign to kill the undead. Might not really be the best course of action, but hey, it worked for Jesus.

[SurlySeraph]

Middle school sucks. Middle school really, really sucks. Next year you'll be in high school, and it won't be as bad.

If you transfer to another school, things might be better. Or, because you won't know anyone and they might be teaching things differently, they might be worse. It's up to you to decide whether it's worth the risk. Transfering isn't "quitting," but it might not make anything better.

As for how to respond if you stay, depends on your personality. One thing I definitely recommend is that you start to work out if you don't already. And work out a lot. If you're strong, people will be less likely to screw with you. If people screw with you anyway, you'll be less likely to get beaten up if you snap and attack them. Does your school have a middle school wrestling team? If so, you may want to try out; the season starts pretty soon. Schools in my area at least tend to need more lightweight kids than try out. Wrestling is very hard, but learning the skills will a) make you more self-confident, even if you're not very good, b) make you better at fighting if you have to fight, and c) is really, really good stress relief. Wrestling is exhausting and painful. You'll be really sore after practice most days. Kids may well make homoerotic jokes about wrestling, giving them more ammunition against you. It's still worth it.

It seems that you're extremely dutiful and dedicated. This means that you're probably not going to want to physically fight tanyone, and that you may have trouble not taking what they do personally.

There are two kinds of people who are total bastards: those that want to see you overreact, and those that want to see you go catatonic. The first are easier to deal with; if you joke around when they're unkind to you, make self-deprecating jokes agreeing with them, etc., they'll usually be placated. They want to be amused and feel powerful, not just to see you suffer; they just think that making you suffer is the easiest way to make you do something amusing.

The second kind are harder to deal with. If you joke or agree with them when they're being mean to you, they'll just keep going. They'll keep pissing you off, trying to push back your limits until you have no dignity left and don't care what they do. I've never been able to deal with them very successfully. The best thing to do is to strongly resist right when they start being mean to you; if they think you'll snap and attack them easily, they'll be reluctant to try to push your boundaries. There are two problems with this approach. First, snapping and attacking them can cause major problems for you whether you can beat them up or not; you'll get a reputation as a nut (which can be helpful for keeping people away from you, but usually isn't), and teachers are likely to get you in trouble. And, of course, if they can beat you up easily they'll respect you even less than before. The second problem is that it sounds like this has been going on for a while and they've already done pretty much everything they can to piss you off. At this point, it's possible that nothing you do will scare them into leaving you alone.

If your friends are bastards to you as well, they probably aren't worth hanging around with anymore. In middle school, I had friends who were bastards to me; they basically just kept me around for entertainment. It's usually better to be a loner than to hang out with people who are mean to you. I don't have any close friends, and I'm fine with that. However, you might not be able to deal with that well, so don't follow my advice blindly here.

[Brickwall]

4 more years! 4 more years!

I wish I could help. However, I was of a weird variety of weird. I was mostly picked on because I look young, and therefore, helpless. However, usually when backed into a conversation, I would just use an aggressive attitude. Once they realized I could verbally outfence them, and that they could gain no face from picking on me, idiots just left me alone.

So, if you're lucky enough that you have an opportunity to make picking on you unfun for them, use it. It also would be a good idea to get in shape, especially by pursuing martial arts (and not the sporting kind). Physical ability gives you more confidence, as well as the obvious benefit of being able to put someone in an armlock if they touch you. :smallamused:

[Tormsskull]

Torm, I tried. Unfortunately, the moment I do, it becomes roughly 10 on one. And, I'll be honest, I'm a freakin' wuss. I am one of the weakest kids in our grade. I'm almost all brains, no brawn.

If you're as weak as you say, then whoever is getting 9 other people to help them beat you up must be even more of a wuss than you are. Point that out to them.

Use your brains. Plan, plot, etc.



I say, just let them hit you, but don't be affected by it.


Riiiight. You could do that, and get used to being a sheep through out your life.

[thubby]

Torm, I tried. Unfortunately, the moment I do, it becomes roughly 10 on one. And, I'll be honest, I'm a freakin' wuss. I am one of the weakest kids in our grade. I'm almost all brains, no brawn.

let them hit you, if you can still stand (your legs aren't broken), you can still fight, people don't want to fight someone who attacks when they're 1/2 dead. its scary (so is going for the throat). fighting is based on the idea that 1) they will win, 2) the benefit outweighs the effort, and 3) there is little risk, take away one of those and your golden. get them to attack you in a public place, when everything is said and done, and you're a bloody mess, they'll get expelled.
i don't promote fighting but if you're going to do it, do it once and do it right.

[Darken Rahl]

In my experience, all standing up for yourself will do is get you hurt, and the authorities likely won't believe you when you say they started it, or that you were simply defending yourself because it's your word against theirs.

Their parents will back them up, and it sounds to me like yours might not, leaving you in a lousy situation.

I agree with the gentleman who said walk away. Ignoring them won't make them leave you alone, but neither will standing up to them, unless you do some serious damage, which will likely only end with you in trouble.

Be the better person, ignore them, walk away from them, treat them better than they treat you. This won't help the situation, necessarily, but it will make you feel better inside, where you'll know that you're the better person. The only person whose opinion matters right now is your own. Don't let yourself be controlled by them.

Also, ditch your "friends." If you feel comfortable, explain to them what they are doing is wrong, and that you don't want them to do it, and if they do, they are not your friends.

I hope you are in a school where, after middle school, multiple buildings make up Jr. high and HS, because then you'll have a larger pool to make friends from, and a bigger pool for the *******s to choose their targets.

You don't deserve this, but it's happening. Just make the best of it, and you'll get out of it soon enough. I'm pulling for you.

[Vhaidara]

Middle school sucks. Middle school really, really sucks. Next year you'll be in high school, and it won't be as bad.

If you transfer to another school, things might be better. Or, because you won't know anyone and they might be teaching things differently, they might be worse. It's up to you to decide whether it's worth the risk. Transfering isn't "quitting," but it might not make anything better.

As for how to respond if you stay, depends on your personality. One thing I definitely recommend is that you start to work out if you don't already. And work out a lot. If you're strong, people will be less likely to screw with you. If people screw with you anyway, you'll be less likely to get beaten up if you snap and attack them. Does your school have a middle school wrestling team? If so, you may want to try out; the season starts pretty soon. Schools in my area at least tend to need more lightweight kids than try out. Wrestling is very hard, but learning the skills will a) make you more self-confident, even if you're not very good, b) make you better at fighting if you have to fight, and c) is really, really good stress relief. Wrestling is exhausting and painful. You'll be really sore after practice most days. Kids may well make homoerotic jokes about wrestling, giving them more ammunition against you. It's still worth it.

It seems that you're extremely dutiful and dedicated. This means that you're probably not going to want to physically fight tanyone, and that you may have trouble not taking what they do personally.

There are two kinds of people who are total bastards: those that want to see you overreact, and those that want to see you go catatonic. The first are easier to deal with; if you joke around when they're unkind to you, make self-deprecating jokes agreeing with them, etc., they'll usually be placated. They want to be amused and feel powerful, not just to see you suffer; they just think that making you suffer is the easiest way to make you do something amusing.

The second kind are harder to deal with. If you joke or agree with them when they're being mean to you, they'll just keep going. They'll keep pissing you off, trying to push back your limits until you have no dignity left and don't care what they do. I've never been able to deal with them very successfully. The best thing to do is to strongly resist right when they start being mean to you; if they think you'll snap and attack them easily, they'll be reluctant to try to push your boundaries. There are two problems with this approach. First, snapping and attacking them can cause major problems for you whether you can beat them up or not; you'll get a reputation as a nut (which can be helpful for keeping people away from you, but usually isn't), and teachers are likely to get you in trouble. And, of course, if they can beat you up easily they'll respect you even less than before. The second problem is that it sounds like this has been going on for a while and they've already done pretty much everything they can to piss you off. At this point, it's possible that nothing you do will scare them into leaving you alone.

If your friends are bastards to you as well, they probably aren't worth hanging around with anymore. In middle school, I had friends who were bastards to me; they basically just kept me around for entertainment. It's usually better to be a loner than to hang out with people who are mean to you. I don't have any close friends, and I'm fine with that. However, you might not be able to deal with that well, so don't follow my advice blindly here.

Ironic you mention that. No, but the high school we're a feeder for just sent the feeder forms with tryout info home today.

[MrEdwardNigma]

The weak thing to do would be trying to fit in. I.e. try getting down from the throne a bit. So what if you make your homework and study and other people don't? That does make you better in a way, more persistent at least, and probably gives you more chances of success, but there's no need to be obvious about it. Don't tuck your shirt in. Don't be all eager in class. Try to fit in. I'm not saying you shouldn't do your homework, just complain about it like everyone else.
This is, off course, the weak way, but it's never killed anyone. In fact, most people just take the weak road, and usually have a pretty good ride.

Off course, in your case, it might be too late. Once you're stuck being the guy that gets picked on, that might never change. Changing schools is not a bad idea, though pretty drastic. I had a friend that did this because he was getting bothered. He wasn't even getting bothered as bad as you, really. I think it helped him, but I can't be sure since I haven't heard from him in ages.

Now, if you're up to it, one of the best things you can do (well, "best" might not be the word, but it helps) is rough up one of the guys who picks on you. Preferably their leader. Not without reason, mind you, but when he's throwing stuff at you or something. Now, I know that most people wouldn't advise this, but it worked for me. I only got picked on once, by three guys that were older than me. I beat them up, and they never bothered me again. Mind you, they attacked me first. I'm a pacifist. I'm also not some huge and bulky guy. I just fough hard.

And, you know, if nothing works...take a hobby. Ignore life in class. See it as a phase to get through. Take a few interesting hobbies and make friends in clubs for those. I'm talking about things like sports and stuff here, not D&D. D&D is an awesome hobby, but in my experience it doesn't really make you a lot of friends. Anyways, man, you'll always have the people on the forum. We're here for you.

EDIT: By the way, beating a bunch of people in a fight is easy for anyone. You drag down one of them and keep hitting that one. If the others want to hit you, they'll have to hit their mate as well. Again, I'm not advocating violence. In fact, I'm opposed to it. But suppose you ever got in a dangerous situation... People like this keep thinking up worse and worse ways to pick on people, you know...

[Soups]

Ah, middle school, what a place that was.

I can't tel you what to do, if I first tell you what NOT to do.

1) Do NOT threaten anyone. EVER. Assuming your in the U.S. of A., if you threaten anything/anyone, you have this history of being picked on tagged on you. Has anyone told you of Columbine? You might be leaving school by not your choice.

2) Don't report every "little" thing. middle school is statistically the worst age for kids. Puberty. Things change. Mostly people. As a result, mood swings are common, making people morons. The teachers know this. They are so burnt out from teaching kids who won't take the time to learn and baby-sitting(the US govt. make teachers underpaid babysitters, you'll see it eventually), that they honest;y can't talk it and seem like they don't care. As a result they only notice the Big things, like theft and major physical harm.

3) Don't give them ammo. Don't taunt them, no come backs, no insults. Pretty Simple.

My background for my middle school is pretty plain. White bread midwest america. The similarities for school only varies ever so slightly to the big cities at that age. They love ganging up, if you noticed. DON'T ever fight anyone, especially when they are with thier friends. You end up losing.

To what you CAN do...

1) Join a club. Anything. FFA, Art Club, Chess Club, Martial Arts(has been mentioned), Soccer. The non-physically demanding sports if you don't feel the need to join football/wrestling. Even band. A magical thing happens when you join a group. You are suddenly among like minded individuals, led by an adult or Teacher who cares. about you, among others inthe group. Makes life eaiser when your self esteem is higher than dirt.

2) Don't sweat it. As long as they aren't stealing, or physically harming you enough to break the skin, it really is just an annoyance. Believe me, they WILL be flipping burgers after highschool for a looooong time (some will grow out of it and mature up and maybe will be your friends in highschool)

I would relate personal experiences with you, but I would feel guilty if you did what I did. Circumstances are too great. Don't be the agressor, don't throw the first punch, just get the last one.

[Darken Rahl]

You guys do realize that all of this "roughing up the leader" crap will likely just end up with him hurt, and it usually only works in Hollywood productions, right?


Also, cops usually believe the bully, in my experience.

[Green Bean]

1) Join a club. Anything. FFA, Art Club, Chess Club, Martial Arts(has been mentioned), Soccer. The non-physically demanding sports if you don't feel the need to join football/wrestling. Even band. A magical thing happens when you join a group. You are suddenly among like minded individuals, led by an adult or Teacher who cares. about you, among others inthe group. Makes life eaiser when your self esteem is higher than dirt.


I'll second this. Join a club, any club. It doesn't matter as long as they share your interests. Hang out with them outside of meetings. At the very least, it means that if people try to bully you, teachers are more likely to get involved; it's easier to ignore one person getting bullied than a eight-person melee.

[Vhaidara]

Leader idea: Crap. There is no leader. It's a mob.
Clubs: Private middle school. 'Nuff said. We have band and sports, and recently an optomist club(joined), but that's it.
Reporting: I don't. I just mention it sometimes because it distracts me and I can't focus.
Columbine: No. Never heard of it.
USA: yes.
Fit in: Not me. I can't. I haven't got a clue what half the NFL teams are, much less who played who and who won by how much.

[MrEdwardNigma]

Well, yes, as I said, the hobby thing is often a good idea.

Also, what I neglected to mention above is that I am, in fact, not an American. Things are slightly different in the U.S. of A., so some of the things I said might not be valid... You people have a culture of not going to the police/parents/principle, because it would make you weak, a quitter, so to speak. This is less true where I come from (Europe, thank you for asking).
However, from what I've heard, roughing up people is actually more accepted as a way of fixing these thing in America than here. These are things I've heard in class, in college. I'm assuming they're true, but off course, there are always exceptions.

EDIT: Three things: If there isn't a leader, you can always just take down a random person who picks on you. Again, not a method I'm advertising.
Also, about the clubs, can't you join one outside of school?
And the fitting in thing: I wasn't actually talking about being exactly like them. I doubt there's no way to fit in unless you know all that stuff. I'm not talking of being a part of the group, really, just having the teasing stop.

Edit x2: Oh, and Columbine was a drama where two teenagers shot a bunch of people at their high school. Haven't you seen Bowling for Columbine? Either way, I don't really see how it's relevant anyways, so don't worry about it.

[Castaras]

Riiiight. You could do that, and get used to being a sheep through out your life.

Ignoring them is often the best way.

I've had, and still have many people bullying me. I also(to my shame) have been a bully, so can see both ends of the spectrum. Really Bookboy, ignoring them can help alot. If they see you're not reacting, then they'll leave you alone and pick on another target. They like to see their prey squirm and retaliate.

But if it doesn't work, then you've just got to get the courage to stand up for yourself.

Laugh at them if need be. They're the idiots throwing you about, and you're (most likely) going to do better in life than them. Just remember that. Turn away the bullies with laughter, and ignore them the rest of the time. If need be, don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. That's the thing that will deter most bullies.

Yes, school at this age is crap. Just don't let it pull you down completely. Keep on truckin', and be happy. Do the things you enjoy, and don't let anyone stop you.

And with transfering between schools...If you're desperate to escape from this school, then maybe talk to your teachers to help persuade your parents to transfer you to a place without the **** who are your classmates at the moment. You say they can see you're being bullied. Talk to them. Talk to anyone you can.

[Captain van der Decken]

Congratulations, your parents are officially idiots.

You must be a real bigwig, being able to officially declare somone an idiot. :smalltongue:

[OverdrivePrime]

Wow, you're getting a lot of terrible advice. Some good advice, but mostly bad. Attacking someone will not help you. Throwing at fit at your parents will not help you. Dropping out of school is just about the worst thing you could ever do to yourself.

I went through what you're going through to a lesser degree. By 8th grade, I was a very tall, skinny kid (5'-8", 102 pounds), and I had taken a lot of crap from the other kids in my grade since moving from the South side of the city just before first grade. I liked books and didn't care about football. I didn't watch TV, and didn't have a video game system. I liked Weird Al Yankovik much more than Slayer and Kid n' Play (big back then). I was extremely shy around girls, and people in general.

Middle school sucked.

However, it sucks less if you can get into the minds of the people who are being so horrible to you.
No one picks on someone "just because."
People will pick on you for basically two reasons: 1. they get positive reinforcement from their sadistic behavior, and 2. they feel that can get away with it.
Take away either one of those two reasons, and the bullying will stop.

Something to analyze is this: Do your antagonists generally pick on you when you're alone with them, or in front of a crowd? This tells you what they're getting out of it.

If they're waiting until it's just you and your so-called friends, and then tormenting you, They're getting a feeling of superiority by picking on a weaker target.

If they're tormenting you in front of a crowd and getting approval from others by laughter and jeers at your expense, then they're trying to reinforce their social position, and making themselves feel like they're a worthwhile part of the group.

The people tormenting you when you're alone are the real trouble. Since they're getting nothing out of it but the sounds of your own (physical or mental) pain, you'll have to master yourself. Don't ever provoke them, but if it comes to violence, defend youself as well as you can. It's important that you do it without cries of pain or whimpering. The sounds of your pain only encourage them. If you can get away at all, do so. If you're the smaller, weaker person in the engagement and someone tries to hurt you, there's zero dishonor about delivering a sharp kick to your attacker's shins and then leaving the scene. If you can't defend youself at all, protect your vulnerable areas and keep quiet. Shut your pain away where they can't see it or hear it. You can let it out later. I suggest talking to a professional counselor - it did wonders for me.

As for the jerks who are tormenting you in front of a crowd - use your wit. Make them look stupid for picking on someone who's smaller and weaker. Steal their thunder. If they start making fun of you, one up them. Make fun of yourself better. Don't make fun of them - then it makes the crowd think that you're a jerk too. Instead, bust out with the best, funniest self-depreciating humor you can. Make fun of your worst, weakest points, and make sure you do a good job of it. In doing so, you take away their fun, and you also make yourself seem like less of a victim, and less of a target.

Also - go out for Wrestling. It did wonders to boost my self confidence. I lost almost every match my freshman year, but each time, I learned. Eventually my body started to get bigger, and by the time senior year rolled around, not only was I a pretty strong, well-known and well-liked guy, I was captain of the wrestling team. Getting there was a rough process, and it took time and effort. Ultimately though, it was worth it.

If you can, try to get your parents into Judo or Aikido - one of the defensive martial arts that doesn't require you to be big to be successful. "If you're going to make me stay in this school where kids beat on me every week, at least let me take lessons so that I can keep from getting hurt all the time," works pretty well. Most fathers don't like the thought of their kid cowering in a ball, getting kicked over and over just because they don't know how to defend themselves.

Good luck to you, Bookboy.

[gojira]

If you presented your parents with an acceptable curricculum, would they let you finish the year at home? Probably not, I'm guessing but I thought it might be worth considering.

[Castaras]

Also - go out for Wrestling. It did wonders to boost my self confidence. I lost almost every match my freshman year, but each time, I learned. Eventually my body started to get bigger, and by the time senior year rolled around, not only was I a pretty strong, well-known and well-liked guy, I was captain of the wrestling team. Getting there was a rough process, and it took time and effort. Ultimately though, it was worth it.

If you can, try to get your parents into Judo or Aikido - one of the defensive martial arts that doesn't require you to be big to be successful. "If you're going to make me stay in this school where kids beat on me every week, at least let me take lessons so that I can keep from getting hurt all the time," works pretty well. Most fathers don't like the thought of their kid cowering in a ball, getting kicked over and over just because they don't know how to defend themselves.


QFT. Martial arts can do wonders for your confidence, and can help alot.

Anything like Martial Arts or Karate, or even Drama that helps boost confidence and gets you to meet new people helps a hell of a lot.

[Copacetic]

I'm In the 7th grade and know almost excatly what your going through. I moved when I was nine, and so therefore knew no one. But I made mabye one friend and that helped.But buy the time I hit fourth grade I got bullied quite alot. By everyone. Didn't help that I was, A)Short, B)Smart, And C) My hair grew out, making my head look twice it's size, hence the nickname 'BigHead'. But since then I have made a few friends and started fencing. It makes you feel much better when you have the reflexes to grab the pencil their are jabbing you with out of thier hand :smallwink: But also I have only gotten in one fght, and that was very isolated. Don't try it. Also get know your teachers. Be friendly. Pay atention. Smile. But don't be a teachers pet, they hate that. Knowing the teachers gives you the benifite of the dought and make's sure they know what's going on with your life. But hen they're not around, SHOW NO EMOTION! AT ALL! just blank out your face and keep walking. Don't look at them, nothing. It's an art and takes practice but helps so much! After about a week of absalutely no response THEY WILL GET BORED. I have used this trick many times and it works. Just hang in there.

[Narmoth]

I am in 8th grade, and here is how I feel about my life right now: I'd prefer the last layer of hell to another day in that place they call a school. I am one of the most rejected people in my school, to the point where my friends are giving people things to throw at me. I have been putting up with this bull**** for 8 years now, and I can't take any more. I've tried getting help from everyone, my friends, the teachers, my parents, the counselor, even the principal, but nothing works. The worst part is that every time I try to get my parents to let me change schools, they give me a freakin' guilt trip about being a quitter. Quitting is when the odds are moderately fair. It's 70 against one, and I'm the one. I think the teachers know how I feel though. My Spanish teacher has actually had an in-class breakdown from all this ****. Please, I'm begging you, I NEED advice if I'm going to make it out of here alive.

well, I was in such a situation in 6th grade (the school was a lot smaller, but that's all). I changed school, and things got gradually better.
I now study medicine, have friends (a bit problems with girls though, but that's beside the point) and record stuff (not in a band at present).
If you want, I can write a letter to your parents, being a "quiter" myself, and explain why you should try anohter school.

[Soups]

Edit x2: Oh, and Columbine was a drama where two teenagers shot a bunch of people at their high school. Haven't you seen Bowling for Columbine? Either way, I don't really see how it's relevant anyways, so don't worry about it.

I'll try not to dig up a bunch of useless stuff, trying to help the submitter, but Columbine kinda did.

A couple of kids had a school shooting and blamed it on, among other things, the bullies. Normally it would not be a big deal, but it happened back in '97. This happened in the age of "Think of the Children", media hype, and "Zero Tolerance". Before it was blasted all over the news, a school shooting happened MAYBE once every 5 years, killing almost no-one.

To make a long retarded story short, school's got big heat for not predicting the future of a bunch of homocidal teenagers (they are so predicatble, am I right?). So it is policy to expel/suspend/medicate/psycho analyize (heh) anyone who RETALIATES against bullies. Even saying things off the cuff ("He pisses me off so much, I wish he would die") gets kids into serious heck. That happened to me. Thankfully, I wasn't expelled.

That is why I would like Bookboy to not retaliate in anyway. Schools are in a bad transition period right now. Parents and teachers still think "boys will be boys" untill a certian phrase or reaction happens. Then Zero Tolerance policy has to come about. Zero Tolerance was made so schools and teachers can't be sued into oblivion. It also prevents teachers form caring/teaching anymore, but thats a different story.

My heart goes to you, Bookboy, just be glad you aren't 6'2" and 250 lbs. No one cares if the big kid is picked on, he can defend himself against words and abuse, even though physically defending yourself gains you a suspension. (call the Irony police)

Oh, and life gets infinitly better after mandatory school. Trust me.

Edit: because wasting a post to continue a comment seems wrong, it is still a response to Nigma----V Columbine was a rallying cry, a martyr if you will, for all these rules and things. Alot of blame went around.

[Vuzzmop]

I am in 8th grade, and here is how I feel about my life right now: I'd prefer the last layer of hell to another day in that place they call a school. I am one of the most rejected people in my school, to the point where my friends are giving people things to throw at me. I have been putting up with this bull**** for 8 years now, and I can't take any more. I've tried getting help from everyone, my friends, the teachers, my parents, the counselor, even the principal, but nothing works. The worst part is that every time I try to get my parents to let me change schools, they give me a freakin' guilt trip about being a quitter. Quitting is when the odds are moderately fair. It's 70 against one, and I'm the one. I think the teachers know how I feel though. My Spanish teacher has actually had an in-class breakdown from all this ****. Please, I'm begging you, I NEED advice if I'm going to make it out of here alive.


Welcome to the machine, dude. I'm in what I think you would call 11th grade, and I've been putting up with this sort of thing for a long time. I think its made me a better person though, learning how to react, and growing a hard skin. Don't worry, its going to get better, just don't be mopy about it. Pretty soon, you'll be less of an easy target, just as long as you aren't giving people amo to throw at you, be yourself, just not the weak, timid version of yourself. I don't want to sound mean, but you will have to change the way you act before you can get around this, because if you don't learn to vent your frustration in a constructive way, you're going to explode.

And one thing: For the love of science, don't pick a fight. This is just going to make your life hell.

Some pointers:

1: Don't start a fight
2: Always hit back
3: Don't cry in front of them. Your after school specials may say its alright, but it is most definately not
4: find new friends, there's always somebody.

Please take this advice to heart. I've been in similar situations, with aspergers syndrome making me make stupid decisions in my younger years. Learn to control yourself, and become a tank to this sort of bullying. Is it mostly physical or vebal? Either way, the pointers are my personal handbook for this sort of thing, use them wisely.

[CrazedGoblin]

Just don't do anything stupid.

[MrEdwardNigma]

The way I heard it Soups, Columbine was one of those cases where it wasn't a case of bullied kids going after their bullies. I believe I saw it on the documentary, but I checked it on Wikipedia to be sure now. It doesn't seem to have had much to do with bullies at all.

But on to the real topic. I'd have to say your pointers make very good points, Vuzzmop. Don't start fights, no, but be prepared to hit back. True, very true.
To all those people who have been repeating the very ancient clicé of "laugh along/don't react at all, let the bullies be", that doesn't help at all. If bullies aren't feeling satisfied with torturing you one way, they'll just find another. I've known people who thought ths was the best approach, and it never worked out. Sure, maybe it'll stop automatically after a long while, maybe when you have to change schools anyways or when people've started to outgrow bullying (college and the like), but does that mean you have to walk around being bullied for years? I don't think I could take that...

[Ceska]

You must be a real bigwig, being able to officially declare somone an idiot. :smalltongue:

I'm not really sure if I should reply this with a :smallamused:, a :smallbiggrin: or not at all, but I guess this is the best I can do:

Yes.:smalltongue:

At least for myself I am important enough to do that. You can of course deny my right to do this. You could also simply ignore it as a figure of speech. But in my little bubble, in my world, they are.

In your world they may very well not be, in person A's world they are only inofficially and in person B's world the nation will vote on this next Wednesday.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

From personal experience, I've been bullied for years before changing in appearance enough to semi fit in, build up an attitude, get arrogant enough not to care and play the occasional "I've got a best friend who goes karate, does kumite since years and will hurt you" and "I've got a knife with me today, attack me and prepare to die as well" (I know it's kinda radical, but the "nothing left to lose" attitude combined with wits and weapon did work). I'd prefer you'd stay away from any weapon, I just say that worked with the only real bullies I've ever met (and who were trying to physically harm me).

Somehow everything changes with the end of mandatory school time and the beginning of ninth grade. Strange as it is. It went that way for me as well, suddenly I got into major disputes with different people, but I wasn't bullied anymore. It definitely got better from that point on, year for year it became nicer, people more understandable... I'll just say that I changed enough and became more accepting as well.

I'll conclude with echoing CrazedGoblin, just don't anything stupid, it will only get better from this point on.

[BlackStaticWolf]

I can relate. When I was your age, people bullied me. I've always been of slight build, so I was a relatively easy target. Until I learned how to defend myself, anyway.

My recommendation is as follows:

First, start learning how to fight. Note, I didn't say "martial arts." I said fight. Take combat centered martial arts classes that focus on practical self defense. Go for the eyes, the throat, the groin, break joints. Learn ways to hurt people that don't require a lot of physical strength. The benefit is two-fold: you'll learn how to protect yourself, and you'll gain confidence.

While you're doing that, report each incident of bullying to your school's administrators and ask them to take appropriate action. Document that action.

Likewise, report each incident to your parents. After the school's administrators have failed to take effective action, ask your parents to speak with the administrator's about it.

After at least three repeated incidents, defend yourself. Pick one... and injure him. Pick another, and injure him. And so on. Keep in mind, you're not trying to win the fight... you're trying to make it a pyrrhic victory for the bullies. Make them see that if they mess with you, it will cost them.

Alternately, if they ever injure you in such a way that you require medical attention... call an attorney and sue their parents and the school.

[Edanor]

Middle School sucked. I had different problems though. Yes I was an avid reader, and that caught me some heat, but I've always stayed in shape. Go for runs and bike rides, do push ups until your arms feel like they can't move, and most of all, if you're pissed, let them know. People who will normally give you trouble will wither when you glare at them, and if they have the stupidity to try to continue, verbally trounce them, while implying that their constant engauging of you implies overcompensation and a small mind (it's proabably true) while simultaneously reminding them that you are their superior, and that in ten years they will be working for you. If anybody else attempts to step in and help them, do the same, in a different manner. All in all, you want a "Screw you, all I need is myself" attitude. Put those brains to work.

[A Rainy Knight]

Well, being a bookworm myself, I would recommend finding someone who shares interests with you, even if it's not apparent. Sometimes, even the most unpleasant seeming people are the best people to know. My personal anecdote: There was this angry, unpleasant kid in third grade who seemed the opposite of me. I was small and quiet, he was big and loud. Eventually, we got to know each other, and now, in ninth grade, he's my best friend. Heck, we do all kinds of things together, be it homework or fun stuff. All this from the seemingly loud, unpleasant third grade classmate. I guess my message would be to never give up hope, no matter how bleak things seem. Oh, and from your description of yourself, you remind me of me. I follow the rules perfectly, and I do well in school. I've been blessed with a school relatively free of big oafs. (Unfortunately, it's not completely free...) Still, I resented almost every day of school. But, don't worry, because so far, high school is better. Just last a little longer. My eighth grade year was pretty much crap too.

[Don Julio Anejo]

Sorry, don't have the time to read the whole thread right now (my life is a mess the last few days and will remain so in the foreseeable few days as well, 2 midterms tomorrow, 5 rehearsals a week for a play I'm in including one in an hour, finally got hired by the paper so I was out shooting Jamaican import workers most of today, have to hand in my photos all edited for publication and converted to TIFF in CMYK format sometime tomorrow, then I'm throwing a party on Friday after another rehearsal which will make me hung over most of Saturday and back to rehearsals on Sunday), but I'll reply in very general terms, with a follow up later (hopefully tomorrow night).

People don't give a crap if you follow the rules, do your homework and like to read. It's how you go about it that's important. That is, your self esteem. If you're confident, you can make pretty much anything look cool. Heck, one of the most popular guys at my high school loved his George Orwell, Shakespeare and couldn't spend a day without discussing differences in style in different times.

On the other hand, I've seen pretty good looking, well dressed guys who were fairly good at sports and did their best to be "mainstream" (e.g. listening to Kanye West, Lil' Jon, 50cent, watching the OC and doing whatever else was popular) bullied. Why? They didn't try to stand up for themselves.

If someone throws a ball at your balls (sorry for the pun) and you throw it right back, sure they might get pissed off for the moment, but it'll do you more good in the long run - chances are they won't throw stuff at you again. But if they throw a ball at you and you just dodge and yell "Stop! You're not supposed to bully me," or something along the lines, you're doing pretty much exactly what they want you to do.

General piece of advice: take a martial art. Doesn't matter which one. It builds confidence. Not in the corny way people talk, but in terms of psychological defense mechanisms. If someone abuses you and your self confidence is low, chances are you'll do your best to appease the person to make them stop so they hopefully won't beat up on you. But when you're confident that you can beat them up (or at least hold your own in a fight), you'll act more assertive, and you'll stand up to them right away instead of waiting until the last moment when they're beating your head with a binder and you finally lose self control.

Funny, but I pretty much stopped fighting after I got good at Muay Thai kickboxing... I had to beat up a "chav" (don't know how else to describe him) type guy once because he tried to smash my camera but that's about it.

[Don Julio Anejo]

A few more things:

[Scrubbed]

[ForzaFiori]

ok, i wish to say straight up that under no cercumstances should you attack the bully. I did that in 7th grade, and wound up expelled and arrested, and you must believe me when i say you DO NOT want to go through that. Joining a sport (either at school or a martial arts dojo, etc) would do wonders. You'd get bigger (and therefor look less like a target), gain confidence (which also takes down target-ness), and, if push comes to shove (literally) and THEY HIT YOU FIRST (but NEVER before) you'll be able to beat the **** out of them. However, before doing that last strategy, check the laws of your state. MOST have a clause that self defense means you cannot be tried for battery, but some (for instance, my state) do not. And if nothing helps, just realize that your a better person and you only have 4 more years (so dont **** it up)

[Em Blackleaf]

Well, a way not to get in trouble or hurt, is to block a punch, instead of hitting back.
Use self defense, don't make it a fight. Wow, I sound like a teacher's pet!

[Raiser Blade]

A few more things:
*snip*

Wow could i disagree with your (second post) any more? The answer is probably no. :smallannoyed:

If ANYONE threatens you with physical harm or if you are being mentally abused. Definitly TELL SOMEONE. If you wait untill it turns into sever bodilly harm then you have waited far too long.

If they are bullying you chances are they don't respect you ayway. Putting up with it will just encourage them.

Also i'm not sure how the idea that anyone would want to be physically and mentally abused ("Bullied") ever came into your head.

Sure some kids might want attention but i doubt they want to be bullied. They probably just wan't someone to be their friend.

I do agree that you should stand up for yourself when it is REASONABLE to do this. Please don't try and take on your whole school.

[Siligero]

Riiiight. You could do that, and get used to being a sheep through out your life.
A sheep? You don't need an aggressive attitude to stand up for yourself, all I'm saying is that it's not worth it to care about what they do because they're, to put it bluntly, effing stupid.

[StickMan]

Yea this board is not all that good for this kind of advice we just bicker over if fighting is some kind of way to prove your self. In the end if your going to fight back or not is up to you and not fighting back does not make you any less of a man.

I'm just going to tell you how I survived it all:

For me I realized one day that I don't care what they say about me cause its not true, and hey I'm smarter than them. It was an odd thing that happened one day if there was a top five list of kids at my school that got picked on I was on it and I went to a large school. I may very well have been at the top of that list as well. One day most of that top five favorite targets list were gone from school it was me and one other kids, I actually over heard a group of my schools bullies talking about how they were all out and they had little to do. They were trying to figure out who was still at school. I was sitting as well as one of the kids who were often picked on he more than anyone I think had the hardest time with it. So basically I got said "hey don't forget about me" and drew there attention before they got to him and as he was sitting near by them . It was an odd point doing that but I could not stand to see them attack him if I could stop it, even if it meant I got made fun of all day. For some reason this was the point at which it did not hurt so much anymore standing up in this way oddly broke there power over me I just did not let there words hurt me anymore, stopped giving them power over me. I'm not going to stand here and say I marted myself every chance I got, cause I didn't but some times its best to just wash it off you and try to remember life gets better.






And to all the people on this forum that think not fighting is for sheep and wimps just look up the name Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, or Martin Luther King, plz call them Sheep or wimps. I'll also note here that I'm not a pacifist far from it in fact. I'm just smart enough to know that there is a time when fighting is worth it and there is a time to know that your better than that.

[Don Julio Anejo]

A sheep? You don't need an aggressive attitude to stand up for yourself, all I'm saying is that it's not worth it to care about what they do because they're, to put it bluntly, effing stupid.
I'm sorry, but it's attitudes like this that get people beat up. Want to know something funny? Chances are at least a third of the people who are beating up a nerd are smarter than him, they just don't go around shoving it in other people's faces (which usually makes them come off as arrogant bastards with a superiority complex).

Also, I never said FIGHT THEM. If it comes to a fight, it's usually too late. What I meant is FIGHT BACK. Most fights of this kind start off with jeers and insults. THAT'S where you have to fight back, before it ever gets to an actual physical fight.


...I was sitting as well as one of the kids who were often picked on he more than anyone I think had the hardest time with it. So basically I got said "hey don't forget about me" and drew there attention before they got to him and as he was sitting near by them . It was an odd point doing that but I could not stand to see them attack him if I could stop it, even if it meant I got made fun of all day. For some reason this was the point at which it did not hurt so much anymore...
This is exactly what I'm saying - by verbally standing up for yourself (and better yet, for someone else, which gives you even more power), you stopped getting picked on.


Also i'm not sure how the idea that anyone would want to be physically and mentally abused ("Bullied") ever came into your head.
As I said - it's just a theory that I still have to test. My reasoning is like this: to simplify it, extroverts need attention and introverts are self-contained. Therefore introverts tend to be perfectly OK completely by themselves, while extroverts subconsciously need attention from others (whether you're a nerd and/or getting picked on has nothing to do with whether you're introverted or extroverted, they're orientations towards inner or outer world rather than whether a person is sociable or not).

So while introverts sit and read, extroverts do things that get them attention of others. Unfortunately, it happens to be negative attention, such as jeers and insults. Which in turn leads to bullying.

Something else: read Impro by Keith Johnstone. Although it's an acting improvisation manual, it probably has the best description of how social status works out of any other book.

[Darken Rahl]

There's too much victim blaming going on in this thread.

[Tormsskull]

A sheep? You don't need an aggressive attitude to stand up for yourself, all I'm saying is that it's not worth it to care about what they do because they're, to put it bluntly, effing stupid.

You're assuming a false dichotomy.

You said:



I say, just let them hit you, but don't be affected by it.


To which I said:



Riiiight. You could do that, and get used to being a sheep through out your life.


To which you responded with the first quote in this post. Defending yourself or beating up people who pick on you does not mean you have an aggressive attitude.

And furthermore, if you don't care what people do to you because you consider them stupid, you're setting yourself up for a world of hurt. In other words, you just allow the picking on to occur because you don't want to face the consequences that might occur from trying to prevent it.

That's almost to a T what being a sheep is all about. You just move along with the flock/flow/crowd and accept things the way they are.

[StickMan]

This is exactly what I'm saying - by verbally standing up for yourself (and better yet, for someone else, which gives you even more power), you stopped getting picked on.


What you talking about Willis. (I hope people get that joke)

Now don't miss interpret my words I still got picked on a lot I just stopped letting it affect me. It was hard to do but I learned to just let them talk or throw things at me or what ever and just smile about it. There attacks just did not hurt anymore, they could say what ever they wanted and I didn't take it anymore cause I was not letting it in. I never had to fight back, cause then were would I have been? I would have been a Thug like them. The easy road is to go down to that level were you attack someone and hurt them, its the hard path not trying to strike back.

At some point I just gained Damage reduction 10 so there 1d3 damage attack just did not hurt. My will save was higher than any metal effect they could send my way. (I'm on a gaming Forum, got to have the DND reference)

I never had to fight back to win cause they never really could take me down, I just stood there and let them tire them selves out.

[Solo]

I am in 8th grade, and here is how I feel about my life right now: I'd prefer the last layer of hell to another day in that place they call a school. I am one of the most rejected people in my school, to the point where my friends are giving people things to throw at me. I have been putting up with this bull**** for 8 years now, and I can't take any more. I've tried getting help from everyone, my friends, the teachers, my parents, the counselor, even the principal, but nothing works. The worst part is that every time I try to get my parents to let me change schools, they give me a freakin' guilt trip about being a quitter. Quitting is when the odds are moderately fair. It's 70 against one, and I'm the one. I think the teachers know how I feel though. My Spanish teacher has actually had an in-class breakdown from all this ****. Please, I'm begging you, I NEED advice if I'm going to make it out of here alive.

My advice would be to solve your problem in real life, and not ask for help on the itnernet, which is not particularily reknowned for its advice giving.

We do not know of your situation, and can only give very general advice.



Over my High School career, I kept up with TKD and actually got my black belt just before my senior year. When I started High School I was 5'10" and 110 lbs. When I finished, I was 145 lbs. and 2-3% body fat.

I don't think that's physically possible. The minimum healthy body fat percent for a human male is roughly 12%.

If you dip far below it, your body can't function.

[OverdrivePrime]

I don't think that's physically possible. The minimum healthy body fat percent for a human male is roughly 12%.

If you dip far below it, your body can't function.

Smoke what? Try more like 5-6% as a healthy minimum. I used to maintain 4-5% back when I was high school wrestler, and that left me pretty wiped out.

Hold on, let me consult Wikipedia, quasi-accurate oracle of our times:

It is unclear whether falling in a particular category of these body fat percentages is better for one's health than any other, but there seem to be enhancements in athletic performance as one nears the ideal body fat percentage range for one's particular sport. The leanest athletes typically compete at levels of about 5-8% for men, and 10-15% for women.[4] Bodybuilders will often compete at ranges even lower than these levels. Certified personal trainers will suggest to male bodybuilders that they should aim for a body fat percentage between 2-4% by contest time.

Anyway, back to the dispensing of advice.

[Trog]

Mob mentality can make kids do cruel things. All I can say is that you need to change something about the way you react to this. Continuing to do what you have been doing, whatever it is, is going to get you more of the same, unfortunately.

Self defense has been mentioned. Wits have been mentioned. Both of these are good ways to stand up for yourself. Show others that you aren't going to take it and they'll stop dishing it out. Each way has consequences. The choice is yours to make.

Speaking as a parent if my kid was constantly getting physically picked on and I knew this and one day I got a call from the school saying that my son got into a fight and beat the crap out of some kid... I think I'd take him out for ice cream and tell him good job sticking up for yourself.

(and the usual talk about not starting a fight)

[valadil]

All I can say is that it definitely gets better. People will definitely act more maturely in high school. You at least have that much to look forward to.

I don't know that transferring would help all that much. Middle schoolers are an angry, vicious lot and they'll look for the easiest target 99% of the time. I've seen a lot of new kids, and they're always an easy target. On the other hand, I do agree that your parents are doing a terrible job if they keep talking you out of quitting. Have you told them that they're being bad parents? Maybe they could talk to your counselors and teachers and then they'd see how miserable school is.

On a less serious note, have you considered getting yourself suspended or expelled? That certainly would get your parents' attention with regard to showing them you don't want to be there.

[Solo]

All I can say is that it definitely gets better. People will definitely act more maturely in high school. You at least have that much to look forward to.

I don't know that transferring would help all that much. Middle schoolers are an angry, vicious lot and they'll look for the easiest target 99% of the time. I've seen a lot of new kids, and they're always an easy target. On the other hand, I do agree that your parents are doing a terrible job if they keep talking you out of quitting. Have you told them that they're being bad parents? Maybe they could talk to your counselors and teachers and then they'd see how miserable school is.

On a less serious note, have you considered getting yourself suspended or expelled? That certainly would get your parents' attention with regard to showing them you don't want to be there.

I don't think we're supposed to try and get him into trouble.

[Vhaidara]

What Solo said. Plus, I've seen five suspensions this year. They're each for one day. I have seen one kid get expeled this year and last year. So it wouldn't be easy even if I wanted to.

[LordVader]

First of all, hurting the bully in any way is a TERRIBLE idea. This will likely just piss him off more, and you'll get the living crap beaten out of you later.

Second- As said before, mention each and every instance of this to your parents. Once they realize what is happening to you on a day-to-day basis, they may stop being so blind to your problem here.

[Vhaidara]

Well, I think I just got new ammo for leaving this school. Someone actually did leave. One in my grade, and like four seventh graders.

[Edanor]

Let me dispense one last bit of advice. Do not let yourself get depressed. It happened to me once (I'll not talk about the reasons, suffice to say "Major Surgery). It sucks harder then anything you may feel right now. It was a challenge to get myself out of bed every morning. I didn't want to do anything at all, no VG's, no comics, no internet. I just wanted to sit there and succumb. Fencing was all that was holding me up. Don't let it happen to you.

[Vuzzmop]

Well, I think I just got new ammo for leaving this school. Someone actually did leave. One in my grade, and like four seventh graders.

Sure, but whatever you do, don't use "but somebody else did it" as an excuse, just sounds whiny.

[Vella_Malachite]

I am giving you sooooo much sympathy right now. I got that kind of crap, the only difference being, I was saved the actual physical abuse because of the "hitting girls is wussy" ideal.

Mostly, I survived because I could verbally outfence any boy in my class and they weren't 'allowed' to hit me or tell a teacher.

The only real advice I can give you is to not believe any **** adults dish out to you about "tell them to stop" and "say you don't like it", because, frankly, you just get hit harder.

I agree that the best course of action would be to move schools, and if you can't, I don't really see anything working.

An absolute last course of action is to let yourself get beaten up badly, then come home and show your parents your wounds, but I wouldn't use that except as an absolute last ever resort and I wouldn't advise you do it unless you are so desperate there is absolutely no other option.

[Don Julio Anejo]

First of all, hurting the bully in any way is a TERRIBLE idea. This will likely just piss him off more, and you'll get the living crap beaten out of you later.

Second- As said before, mention each and every instance of this to your parents. Once they realize what is happening to you on a day-to-day basis, they may stop being so blind to your problem here.
Dude, you're not getting the point people like Trog and me are trying to make.

Bullies don't go after kids because they personally hate the kids in question. They go after kids because to them it's fun. It's like poking a bear in a zoo - it's fun to see him pissed off knowing he won't fight back.

But when they find that their prey bites back, it loses the fun factor for the bullies.

And changing schools won't change very much. As I said, it's probably the OP's attitude that gets him beat up, not that he reads books or tucks his shirt in (hey, polos look good tucked in with jeans/slacks and a nice belt + shoes that match it for example). He'll get a bit of a respite until people get to know him, then a bully will test him out (by making fun of glasses for example) and if he fails the test, he's going to be bullied again.

Okay, going to sleep now, I'll try to explain social status a bit later, hopefully without using swearwords and getting posts scrubbed.

[Crow]

Dude, you're not getting the point people like Trog and me are trying to make.

Bullies don't go after kids because they personally hate the kids in question. They go after kids because to them it's fun. It's like poking a bear in a zoo - it's fun to see him pissed off knowing he won't fight back.

But when they find that their prey bites back, it loses the fun factor for the bullies.

And changing schools won't change very much. As I said, it's probably the OP's attitude that gets him beat up, not that he reads books or tucks his shirt in (hey, polos look good tucked in with jeans/slacks and a nice belt + shoes that match it for example). He'll get a bit of a respite until people get to know him, then a bully will test him out (by making fun of glasses for example) and if he fails the test, he's going to be bullied again.

Okay, going to sleep now, I'll try to explain social status a bit later, hopefully without using swearwords and getting posts scrubbed.

This man is correct.

Another thing to try is to find out what interests these people who are picking on you, and learn about it. If you are a smart person, like I am sure you think you are, you can read up on your hometown NFL team and learn enough to get by in casual sport conversation if that is what they are interested in. Just reading the columns at NFL.com can get you some good tidbits to chime in with when you overhear someone talking about football and it takes like 10 minutes a week.

If they think you have to play a sport to be "respected", take up bodybuilding, or olympic weightlifting. "No, I don't play, but I like to hit the gym a lot." will get you points with athletes no matter what sport they play. You don't have to be strong to start lifting weights.

There is also the benefit of added self-confidence, and the intimidation factor you get when you start getting ripped. Also, like the above poster stated. If you don't fight back, you will continue getting ribbed. Telling or running off to another school doesn't help things for long. The change has to begin with you.

As soon as Serpentine gets here, I'm sure she will have some good advice that contradicts mine...