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View Full Version : How the Kobold with wish meme ends...



Drache64
2020-05-18, 06:36 PM
So I didn't know this at the time but my DM saw the Kobold with wish scroll meme and he threw it into our session.

My wizard was driving a cart while our revised ranger was leading us through the countryside. Suddenly a Kobold springs a trap on our horses. Surprised but not amused my bladesinger wizard shoots a firebolt at the little wretch. The Kobold casts counterspell. He then reveals he's holding a wish scroll. I misty step behind him and attempt to stop the little bugger by knocking the scroll from him.

The kobold teleports me to the astral sea. I then wind up in a dark room attached to a chair with antimagic bonds. I awaken my pocket watch familiar (custom item I have) and tell him to pick the locks. He responds that there is no locks to pick. I am then brought before an emperor where the Kobold is paid for bringing me in. I an told I am to fight his champion.

Fast forward, I am unable to do anything but talk to NPCs, there is no escape I am stuck on the rails to this fight. Spoiler alert: my level 4 bladesinger wizard is going to fight a cr9 blue dragon.

I am given a last meal in the morning before the fight. I ask if it can be anything. They agree, I ask what if it costs a lot of money and requires magic. They specify it's my last meal and can be anything. I ask for a heroes feast. Surprised but amused the DM allows me. My 26hp goes up by 2d10 rolling a 14. I get 40hp Max HP. Before the battle I cast false life at 2nd level getting 10 temporary hp for a total of 50.

Getting up the the top of the Battleground I activate my blade song and summon my shadow blade.

With a few clutch uses of shield and absorb elements, mixed with a recasting of false life, also punishing it for moving with booming blade as much as possible and warcaster I am finally reduced to 1 hp but it's also on its last leg.

3 rounds go by and my d20 screws me (granted I need to roll a nat12+). But it misses me as I drain all my spell slots on shield. Finally I'm out of spell slots. It swings 3 times. Miss... Miss... Hit. Any damage will end me. I go unconscious.

I ask the DM if I get to roll any death saves. He says yes, on a 20 I will pop back up and have the slightest chance. I roll a 19. My characters head is ripped off and my character is dead.

The end.

Friv
2020-05-18, 06:41 PM
Leave. The. Group.

*EDIT*

Okay, actually, that was a harsh reply. But you've got three different threads on the front page illustrating your complaints. They are pretty serious complaints. You are obviously not having fun, and this sort of behaviour on the part of the DM is absolutely childish. You need to have a serious talk with them, and you need to evaluate whether they are the kind of friend that you want to play D&D with ever.

icefractal
2020-05-18, 08:23 PM
Yeah, I have to say - railroading PCs to virtually certain death is a **** move. Given that you only even came close with a Hero's Feast that the GM wasn't expecting, and only had bad rolls past the point you'd have been dead anyway, this wasn't an "intended to win" situation.

Like - what the hell was the GM even trying to do here? I'd agree you should leave the game, but if something like this comes up again I'd suggest not playing along. Ask, OOC - "If the point of this is just to kill my character, we can just say it happens and move on, you have infinite resources after all." Then treat whatever happens with the lack of drama it deserves.

This is a passive aggressive move - you're basically no-selling the GM's scene and taking the wind out of his sails. But if he thinks that killing PCs by fiat for the lolz is what makes a good game, then his sails need some wind taken out of them.

Mastikator
2020-05-19, 03:24 AM
That's an r/rpghorrorstories right there... I agree with leaving the group, you could ask the DM what his problem is but based on what he did I think he'll just try to hurt you again.

Out of curiosity what are the other players thinking of this?

Satinavian
2020-05-19, 05:16 AM
I would leave any group where i was railroaded to certain death.

The stronger the railroading the less you can do anything beside express your character and focus on him. Removing that character makes the whole game pointless.

J-H
2020-05-19, 09:20 AM
a) Can't find the Meme, just some weird cartoony picture
b) How does all that happen from one Wish?
c) What's the point?

Xervous
2020-05-19, 09:48 AM
As whatever the DM says goes, this DM has said plenty and it’s time for you to go. Open complaints are valid. Give it one last final airing of grievances to see if things might change but in absence of the GM’s heart growing three sizes I strongly advise you reconsider your attendance at his table.

Talakeal
2020-05-19, 03:55 PM
I’m not sure I get the “kobold with a wish scroll” meme, as a kobold wont really be able to make use of a wish scroll unless its already a powerful wizard, and if it is, wish isn’t exactly the most dangerous high level spell to use in combat,

Or I might just be overthinking the idea that “weakest monster + strongest spell = comedy”.

Vinyadan
2020-05-19, 05:12 PM
I’m not sure I get the “kobold with a wish scroll” meme, as a kobold wont really be able to make use of a wish scroll unless its already a powerful wizard, and if it is, wish isn’t exactly the most dangerous high level spell to use in combat,

Or I might just be overthinking the idea that “weakest monster + strongest spell = comedy”.

Maybe it came to life as an oversimplified derivative of Pun-Pun?

The pocket watch familiar that can use lockpicks sounds pretty cool, though.