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Lord_Gareth
2007-10-27, 02:30 PM
1. Levers are evil and not to be trusted.
2. Damsels lacking most of their clothing are usually evil and to be trusted only warily (most of the time, it's a succubus, but sometimes, it's just some...ah, forced entertainment.)
3. Those drow are not going to negotiate.
4. Neither is that beholder.
5. The party bard is neither a tank nor a Protection from Arrows spell.
6. If you are the party bard, remember that you're temporary backup, not permanent.
7. Killing a cult's idol does not mean they will surrender, it means they no longer get that +4 morale bonus to kicking your ass.
8. Soverign Glue has the word 'soverign' in its name for a reason.
9. There's always a way to come back from the dead.
10. Doing so is not always a good idea.

Now...ADD MORE!

Crow
2007-10-27, 02:46 PM
11. The King's Daughter; Look but don't touch.

*bonus points for the reference...

Riffington
2007-10-27, 02:49 PM
12. There are two gods of magic. One is the "uncaring" and the other is the goddess of death. Trust your wizard accordingly.

mostlyharmful
2007-10-27, 02:51 PM
Spaceballs, woot.

13. Archmages are to be treated with respect due to their immense power and trigger-happy reactions. Life as a frog is over rated.
14. Dragons are to be treated with even more respect, Barbeque is best enjoyed when you aren't dealing with a twenty ton fire breathing carnivore.:smallfrown:

AtomicKitKat
2007-10-27, 02:54 PM
15. Purify Food and Drink may make the monster hamburger less toxic, but now it's tasteless.
15a. Unless you have Scavenging Gullet, don't volunteer to test the flavour before the spell.:smallyuk:

Roderick_BR
2007-10-27, 04:35 PM
13. Archmages are to be treated with respect due to their immense power and trigger-happy reactions. Life as a frog is over rated.
13a. If you really need to, kill him while he still level 1. From far. With a large group.

16. Don't forget, even if you are 4 levels above a mob, fighting 20 weak monsters is not a good idea. Probabilities say that they are likely to roll a few criticals, and their weapon base damage is usually the same as you.
17. Step away from wells. Always. Even common water wells in the middle of a town, with several citizens picking water everyday.
18. If you are not a paladin, or anything with a magic mount, don't waste your money on tough mounts or gear for it. Just hire someone to transport you through from one city to the next. If you gain a mount as a gift, don't even bother writing it down on your character sheet. You'll have to erase it soon anyway...

Swooper
2007-10-27, 05:15 PM
18. If you are not a paladin, or anything with a magic mount, don't waste your money on tough mounts or gear for it. Just hire someone to transport you through from one city to the next. If you gain a mount as a gift, don't even bother writing it down on your character sheet. You'll have to erase it soon anyway...
Ahhh, reminds me of my first serious AD&D group. After several levels, we became the elite troubleshooters of a small nation's king (we helped him get on the throne, heh), and we ALWAYS had to ask for new horses. I remember one incident in particular where we tied them outside the temple we had to explore. When we came back, they were in the process of being eaten by zombies. :smallbiggrin:

Another time, we left our horses and carriage in a fortress. That was on fire. Because we screwed up our diplomatic mission there.

Ahh, good times. Pardon me for not contributing anything relevant to this thread :smalltongue:

Eruenno
2007-10-27, 05:46 PM
19. Never rely on a Battle-Cleric for healing/raising. They usually have a hard time remembering any prayer that doesn't contain word smite...

Tengu
2007-10-27, 05:58 PM
20. Do not associate with evil or Chaotic Stupid characters, unless it is an evil party (and gods help you if it's a Chaotic Stupid party). If they mess with someone, do not take their side because they are your friends, since they are going to betray you anyway - help that someone instead, thus cleaning your name.

kemmotar
2007-10-27, 06:16 PM
21)Horses are not to be used to trigger traps...more than once!!You may need them to escape...

This actually happened...we discovered we had to cross a room full of traps(we discovered the traps by setting a few of them off)...So the party barbarian decides to test test whether there were traps everywhere...he knocks out his horse and throws it inside which ofc led to the horse's terrible death...he then used the horse's corpse as protection against the traps...too bad he didn't have anything to escape on later when haste was of the essence...:smalltongue:

StickMan
2007-10-27, 06:21 PM
22) Make sure the Door is unlocked before using the table as a battering ram on it. Or that it is a push door not a pull.

martyboy74
2007-10-27, 06:23 PM
23. If you ever see a corpse just lying on a slab, attack it, preferably from outside of the room. It will invariably animate and attempt to attack.
23a.The same apply for all non-load bearing statues.

Collin152
2007-10-27, 06:26 PM
23. If you ever see a corpse just lying on a slab, attack it, preferably from outside of the room. It will invariably animate and attempt to attack.
23a.The same apply for all non-load bearing statues.

Some of the load bearing ones too; magic holds the roof up until you destroy the statue. Then it collapses and kills you. Or maybe the statue just doesn't move its head at all.

kemmotar
2007-10-27, 06:26 PM
22) Make sure the Door is unlocked before using the table as a battering ram on it. Or that it is a push door not a pull.

HAHAHA!!we actually had that happen to us!!We spent 3 hours(gametime) trying to open a door we even took 20 and the whole party pushed...someone then had the idea to pull the door which opened soundlessly and really easilly!

23)when encountering a living door whose name you must utter its name in order to open(and it won't tell you) don't waste hours trying to trick it...Just hold hands and dance in a circle singing"we're so happy dancing in a circle, my name is:X" with the names of each party member one by one until the door joins is and tells you its name...

Armoury99
2007-10-27, 06:27 PM
24. Not detecting traps doesn't mean there aren't any.
25. Nine words for dungeon survival: "Since you can't find any traps, you're opening it."

Nonah_Me
2007-10-27, 06:45 PM
26: The fact that the Trickery Cleric has the spell Detect Traps doesn't mean he's actually going to detect them.
27: You do not, in fact, need to intimidate the barkeep.
28: Or bluff him into beliving the rest of the town is on fire.
29: Or that his mother is an undead zombie in the church of Pelor's basement.
30: Or that HE is an undead zombie in the church of Pelor's basement.
31 Ad nasusem

Azerian Kelimon
2007-10-27, 07:14 PM
32) Belts of battle, Thralls of Demogorgon, and Frenzied berserkers are NOT nice and a piece of the party. They ARE a party by themselves, so let them be and stay farther away than from an archmage.

de-trick
2007-10-27, 07:17 PM
33) just because the barbarian/frenzied berserker is a nice guy not think there nice when they frenzy

Dausuul
2007-10-27, 08:43 PM
34: Dead people left to rot on the battlefield are always safe. Dead people buried in regular cemetaries are usually safe. Dead people buried in any kind of tomb, however, are one hundred percent guaranteed to come back as undead. Necromancers wishing to raise undead hordes need not waste time learning spells like create undead; they just need to buy a modest mausoleum and start tossing corpses in.

35. Unguarded, undefended piles of gold are not to be trusted.

36. If you approach a beggar, he is simply a beggar and you may do with him as you please. If a beggar approaches you, he is a (dragon/archmage/demon lord/god) in disguise and you had better treat him with suitable respect.

streakster
2007-10-27, 09:06 PM
37: "I have a sword" is not a plan. It is a statement. Using statements for plans can really hurt.

Azerian Kelimon
2007-10-27, 09:09 PM
38 Unless, it's "I have up to level 9 spells/up to three Vengeful Gazes of God maximized and empowered that I can take and still stand". Then, duck and cover.

Chronos
2007-10-27, 10:13 PM
36. If you approach a beggar, he is simply a beggar and you may do with him as you please. If a beggar approaches you, he is a (dragon/archmage/demon lord/god) in disguise and you had better treat him with suitable respect.Oh, the beggar isn't always a dragon/archmage/demonlord/god. Usually, he's just a rogue three levels higher than anyone in the party who just robbed you all blind and by the way, he's already blended back into the crowd and you have no chance of finding him again.

Galathir
2007-10-27, 10:27 PM
39. If you approach a random NPC and the DM has a name, characteristics, and detailed description of him, it is NOT a random NPC. You cannot kill it, do what it says.

40. When you just killed the BBEG in one round and annoyed the DM, wish isn't the only spell that can have nasty consequences.

Guy_Whozevl
2007-10-27, 10:29 PM
41. There's a universal answer to every problem; it starts with a "fire" and ends with a "ball."
42. It can be safely stated that a random person you attack in Faerun has a 50% chance of being a God/Dragon/Archmage/Elminster/Epic Guy. The other 50%, the dude's a level 1 commoner.
43. Never trust the evil Sorcerer, especially if he's fooled you already.
44. In real life, people rest for about 8 hours once per day; in game, the party rests every 10 minutes.

SurlySeraph
2007-10-27, 10:55 PM
45. Adventurers can't call in reinforcements.
46. If the king hired you to clear out the dungeon because sending adventurers is cheaper than calling out the army, don't tell him the reward he gives you is too skimpy.
47. Make sure you know what the artifact does before you stab anyone with it.
48. Don't touch sentient swords, unless you know that they share your alignment. And even then, you might want to wear gloves.
49. If you're in the temple of an evil deity, never, ever put anything on the altar. If you put an animal on the altar and kill it, you are about to be just as dead as the animal is.
50. Just because a trap went off when you walked over that patch of floor doesn't mean a second trap won't go off if you walk there again.
51. Each member of a party should carry a bottle of Universal Solvent. There are certain places in which everything is made out of glue.
52. Don't try to rob mysterious old men in robes. That goes double if they have long beards. If they're also carrying intricately carved staffs, just ask them if they have a quest to send you on and get out of there.
53. The Rogue always has another dagger. Always.
54. You could sleep out in the open air without setting a watch. You could also slather yourself in barbecue sauce and put up a sign reading "Free Food!" in Orcish.
55. The demon prince is going to betray you. The only questions are when, and whether you have to make a deal with him to advance the plot first.
56. Do not sleep with anyone whom you have not yet used Detect Evil on.
57. Under no circumstances should you sleep with a succubus or vampire. Even if you have an item that makes you immune to level drain. Especially if you have an item that makes you immune to level drain.
58. Sleeping with a Drow priestess, any cultist, or any necromancer is a slightly less bad idea. However, it's still a very bad idea.
59. Most necromancers are evil. Don't trust them.
60. If you've learned that the cult has infiltrated the local government, you shouldn't immediately go tell the mayor without resting and replenishing your spells first.
61. If it tried to eat you, you should not eat its corpse.

BRC
2007-10-27, 11:03 PM
62. Perfect Plans Are not.
63. Fire may be a useful and stylish method for dispatching your foes, however, there is a time and place for it, and the place is never in a city with lots of wooden buildings.
64. Explosives and enclosed spaces don't mix well.
65. Once your golden-tounged monk-diplomat has convinced the orcs not to kill you and feast on your flesh, don't let him then try to conver them to his religion of pure law (Happened many many times in one of our campaigns. Preety much at least once a session).

huyneo
2007-10-27, 11:04 PM
66. Do not make an plan to kill a god. It won't work.
67. Even when it does over 6million damage per round.... It still won't work

Dervag
2007-10-27, 11:44 PM
68. If you are playing a knight in shining armor, do not decide to make a heroic lance charge against a monster with breath that turns living creatures to stone. You have powerful magic items and good saves to protect you from being converted into the rider of an equestrian statue. Your horse... does not.

[Sir Bernard ended up headbutting a tree; fortunately the rest of the party managed to kill the gorgon]

68a. The same argument goes for any tactic that involves riding a mount significantly easier to kill than yourself.

triforcel
2007-10-28, 12:44 AM
69. Do not ask an NPC Druid if he would be your "horsie"
70. Don't bother fighting the city guards, just give them beer.
70 a. If that doesn't work then you're probably better off running from the city guards.
71. Just because you can steal from the npc, doesn't mean you should.
72. Do not criticize the cleric on how he chooses to heal people.
72 a. Double if the cleric spontaneously casts Inflict spells
73. If the cleric spent all the time healing you in combat, don't complain that he didn't contribute to the fight.
74. Just don't complain about the cleric.

Stam
2007-10-28, 01:12 AM
75. Friendly fire isn't.

Extra_Crispy
2007-10-28, 01:41 AM
76: Even if you are a half orc that hates elfs do not spit on a statue of any elven god.
78: Yelling "Mommy" for your word of recall spell will get you laughed at by the rest of the party.
79: Dont pull the pins and place granades one at a time along a wall in an attempt to blow the wall up. You will never make it.
80: Using a high end shock glove capable of stunning a troll on a infant to quiet it while you are sneaking into the house will lead to a dead infant even if the glove "only does stun damage"
81: Never discuss a plan of attack on the BBEG infront of the GM, espically if the game is almost over for the day. The next time you play NOTHING of what you planned, no matter how unstoppable (by the game rules) will work. The BBEG will have a counter for everything.
82: Never ride a horse at "break neck speed" through a forest when you do not have the ride skill. Break neck speed will just become break neck.

Kultrum
2007-10-28, 05:29 AM
83. Just because its level appropriate doesn't mean you will win

Eruenno
2007-10-28, 12:22 PM
84. If you try redemption talk on a CE/CN mage and he offers you a book - don't open it. It's probably a bunch of explosive runes...
85. Doing a wedgie to a rogue when both of you are level 1 just because you're a barbarian/fighter isn't a good idea. Buggers get really tricky later.....:smallannoyed:

Callos_DeTerran
2007-10-28, 12:49 PM
86. Trustworthy evil people aren't really trustworthy..they lied about that.
87. It's not okay to kill everything that moves...unless it has tentacles, then go buck wild.
88. It is universally acknowledged tentacles are a sign of ultimate evil. And ultimate also means 'it could eat your spleen through your nostril if your not careful.
89. Deciding to try and conquer the Abyss/Nine Hells is never a good idea. It's been tried by better people then your PC...yes even the 100th level one.
90. This goes for the Upper Planes too.
91. Y'know what? Don't try to alter the planes at all.
92. Wish is not a good spell. The fact it doesn't have the [evil] descriptor is merely an insidious trap by DM's to get players to orchestrate their own doom.

Stam
2007-10-28, 02:00 PM
93. If there are two groups hitting two targets at the same time, and the targets are in cahoots...they will probably have some means of communication. Avoid delays, or the other party gets 'the very hard way' by default of your lack of foresight.
(Yes, this actually happened. We had a good plan, but got stalled almost ten minutes while the other BBEG was warned. The first PC approaching was met with two crossbow bolts - with sneak damage - from murder holes.)

Kamakazee_Gnome
2007-10-28, 03:10 PM
94: Area damaging spells are NOT for use in an urban environment.
94a: This goes double for Holy Smite.
94b: "But... I just killed the evil ones!" is not an excuse.
95: If the party has two clerics, they cannot cast atonement on each other to avoid the quests.
96: Paladins should never wear anything black that they found in a dungeon. The black armor you found in the evil temple is right out.
97: When playing a paladin, write up your code.
98: Even if it is theoretically possible to redeem a fiend, the difficulty of the endeavor, and the problems it will later entail, make killing the best solution.
98a: Even for a celestial character.
98b: Or even a pacifist character.
99: Rope Trick is one of the most useful spells around. But don't take a bag of holding into one.
100: Unless it's a solo campaign, do not attempt to solo the BBEG.