Composer99
2020-06-28, 01:07 AM
So, I'm playing an elf wizard in a D&D 5e game on Roll20. One of my spells is, as you might imagine from the thread name, Tasha's hideous laughter.
Since my character is middle aged and a parent, I'd like for the verbal component of his casting of that spell to amount to a "dad joke".
The twist is that, because he's an elf wizard with the sage background, the jokes should be... er... "translated" into kind of stuffy, formal language. Bonus points if, in so doing, it completely ruins the joke. (Kind of like that old meme that translated hip-hop song lyrics into a sort of faux-Renaissance English.)
Examples:
"Well met, O famished one. I am your father." [Hi, hungry, I'm Dad.]
"This tomb is so desirable, mortals perish for the opportunity to gain entry." [This cemetery is so popular, people are just dying to get in here.]
"Not even an elf can perceive a pteranodon evacuate: the voiceless bilabial stop is not expressed." [Why can't you hear a pteranodon go to the bathroom? Because the p is silent.]
"Why is it that crustaceans are not known to generously apportion their meals? They are most often self-centered exoskeleton-bearing invertebrates of small stature." [Why did the crab never share? Because he's a little shellfish]
"Have you heard tell of the traveling carnival that was set ablaze? The tents were said to have been an inferno." [Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.]
"Couriers become most upset should you sort their correspondence in a manner contrary to their usual habits." [If you rearrange the letters of "postmen", they get really pissed off.]
"I have heard that the seventh cardinal's proclivity for cannibalism has terrified its smaller neighbour." [Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.]
More Stuff:
"A gallon of water, being denser, is heavier than a gallon of petroleum. The petroleum's ability to be set alight may be among the reasons for this." [What weighs more, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane? The water; butane is a lighter fluid.]
"Artists who are in a period of hindered creativity may spend much time meditating over their artistic medium while producing nothing." [What happens when an artist has trouble finding inspiration? They draw a blank.]
"I foresaw that none would react with mirth to a jest regarding the magical manipulation of the streams of time, so I elected not to resort to such a witticism." [I was going to tell a time-travel joke, but you guys didn't like it.]
"An effective scarecrow may merit gracious acknowledgement of its usefulness whilst placed in cropland." [Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because it was outstanding in its field.]
"Jocular statements with respect to Cormyrean meat delicacies are generally of poor quality." [Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.]
"The spade and related digging devices have truly been revolutionary." [The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.]
Any others you can think of?
Since my character is middle aged and a parent, I'd like for the verbal component of his casting of that spell to amount to a "dad joke".
The twist is that, because he's an elf wizard with the sage background, the jokes should be... er... "translated" into kind of stuffy, formal language. Bonus points if, in so doing, it completely ruins the joke. (Kind of like that old meme that translated hip-hop song lyrics into a sort of faux-Renaissance English.)
Examples:
"Well met, O famished one. I am your father." [Hi, hungry, I'm Dad.]
"This tomb is so desirable, mortals perish for the opportunity to gain entry." [This cemetery is so popular, people are just dying to get in here.]
"Not even an elf can perceive a pteranodon evacuate: the voiceless bilabial stop is not expressed." [Why can't you hear a pteranodon go to the bathroom? Because the p is silent.]
"Why is it that crustaceans are not known to generously apportion their meals? They are most often self-centered exoskeleton-bearing invertebrates of small stature." [Why did the crab never share? Because he's a little shellfish]
"Have you heard tell of the traveling carnival that was set ablaze? The tents were said to have been an inferno." [Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.]
"Couriers become most upset should you sort their correspondence in a manner contrary to their usual habits." [If you rearrange the letters of "postmen", they get really pissed off.]
"I have heard that the seventh cardinal's proclivity for cannibalism has terrified its smaller neighbour." [Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.]
More Stuff:
"A gallon of water, being denser, is heavier than a gallon of petroleum. The petroleum's ability to be set alight may be among the reasons for this." [What weighs more, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane? The water; butane is a lighter fluid.]
"Artists who are in a period of hindered creativity may spend much time meditating over their artistic medium while producing nothing." [What happens when an artist has trouble finding inspiration? They draw a blank.]
"I foresaw that none would react with mirth to a jest regarding the magical manipulation of the streams of time, so I elected not to resort to such a witticism." [I was going to tell a time-travel joke, but you guys didn't like it.]
"An effective scarecrow may merit gracious acknowledgement of its usefulness whilst placed in cropland." [Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because it was outstanding in its field.]
"Jocular statements with respect to Cormyrean meat delicacies are generally of poor quality." [Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.]
"The spade and related digging devices have truly been revolutionary." [The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.]
Any others you can think of?