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Jalil
2007-10-30, 01:26 AM
Just got out of session, got some rather nice quotes from a pack of newbs, never played before:

Sorc: HAHA! You got lockjaw(not really, but hey, I wasn't going to correct them) and now you can't talk!
Rogue: (ooc) You forget that I ahve a sap, and I can tell you EXACTLY how I feel.

Guy who walked up: So what classes are you again?
I'm a rogue.
Bard here!
Me? Sorc.
Three. (He was looking something up, didn't hear the new guy. Still funny, as it was perfect timing...)

I know there are more, lets hear them.

BizzaroStormy
2007-10-30, 01:57 AM
My friend will likely have my head for posting this, again, but its worth it. We were attacked by some kind of burrowing insect. This is back in like our 2nd campaign.

DM: Ok, the bug chrages out of the ground 4 feet in front of you.
Player: It cant charge!
DM: Why not?
Player: Its 4 feet away!
DM: Yeah but...
Player: Its 4 feet away! 4 feet! It cant charge!
DM: Yes it...
Player: NO!
DM: Bu...
Player NO! Its 4 feet away! It cant FU***** charge!!!

It ended up with the player getting knocked on his ass.

Nebo_
2007-10-30, 02:12 AM
A few here (http://elysium.invisionplus.net/index.php?mforum=elysium&showtopic=106), most from games I'm in.

Enguhl
2007-10-30, 02:25 AM
Long story short? I told someone to roll a Knowledge(Dungeoneering) check...

Reinboom
2007-10-30, 02:58 AM
This occurred Sunday, over the course of the session:

(9214) Sylvia: Spot [1d20+14] => [20,14] = (34) (for birds?)
(9214) Sylvia: ((LOL))
==
(9173) Reina: spot checks
(9214) Sylvia: [1d20+14] => [20,14] = (34)
(9214) Sylvia: ((...wtf...))
==
(9173) Reina: Spot checks
(9214) Sylvia: ((I'd like to cover our tracks as we move.))
(9206) Corvin: [1d20+4] => [13,4] = (17)
(9214) Sylvia: [1d20+14] => [20,14] = (34)
==
(9214) Sylvia: Spot [1d20+14] => [20,14] = (34) Listen [1d20+14] => [13,14] = (27)

Setra
2007-10-30, 03:02 AM
This occurred Sunday, over the course of the session:

(9214) Sylvia: Spot [1d20+14] => [20,14] = (34) (for birds?)
(9214) Sylvia: ((LOL))
==
(9173) Reina: spot checks
(9214) Sylvia: [1d20+14] => [20,14] = (34)
(9214) Sylvia: ((...wtf...))
==
(9173) Reina: Spot checks
(9214) Sylvia: ((I'd like to cover our tracks as we move.))
(9206) Corvin: [1d20+4] => [13,4] = (17)
(9214) Sylvia: [1d20+14] => [20,14] = (34)
==
(9214) Sylvia: Spot [1d20+14] => [20,14] = (34) Listen [1d20+14] => [13,14] = (27)
Hehehe, dunno why that is so funny.

Ps. Nice avatar <3

BDS
2007-10-30, 03:35 AM
<Ted> <You don't even understand me. For all you know, I could be name Susan>
<Ted> *named
<GM> Nate shakes Karen and Teds hands.
<Kennedy> "I'm Kennedy, this is Karen my pet and that's Susan"
<Kennedy> "Susan's mute"

leperkhaun
2007-10-30, 03:50 AM
Epic level campaign. Was just a couple sessions until a couple players got back from vacation.

BBEG had made a trap for us and lured us into a fight with a dragon. He was going to leave us to fight the dragon then come back and take us out when we were weakened (that was the plan at least).

DM: Initiative
Players: ::rolls initiative::

order goes BBEG Dragon then me then the rest of the party. BBEG buffs himself

Dragon goes full attack on us......... Rogue gets messed up.

Me: Im gonna cast dominate monster (knowing the dragon doesnt even have to roll to make the save). Just let me know if it rolls a 1.

DM: I dont feel like rolling, roll for Spell Resistance.

Me: ::rolls:: (beats it by one)

DM: ::rolls dice::

Me: ohh well it was worth a shot, quicken invis

DM: (sits back in his chair, then stares at me)

Me: My head in my character sheet and going over spell options, not paying attention.

DM: (continues to stare at me)

Me: still not paying attention

DM: So Ed, what are you going to do with your dragon now?

Me: Wha??!!?!?!?

DM: I rolled a one (uncovers the die)

Me: (evil grin) (Lock stares with BBEG)

BBEG: well then.....it WAS a good plan......crap

nobodylovesyou4
2007-10-30, 05:06 AM
i was playing with my uncle, and when he dms, he really just improvs and screws around. still turns out pretty fun, though. we had met some kobolds in the forest:

Me: What are you guys doing in here?
K: We own this forest! Go home, gnome!
Me: You have an awfully deep voice for a kobold.
K: Yeah, well, you know... steroids.
Me: Doesn't that make your penis smaller?
K: O RLY? *unzips pants; drumroll*
Me: OH GOD, IT HIT ME IN THE EYE!

so from then on out, "it's in my eye" was our response to any ranged attack or anything of the sort.

its_all_ogre
2007-10-30, 05:42 AM
during a game a player stated entirely seriously 'we need sheep' has been used since that time!

horseboy
2007-10-30, 11:09 AM
Says the 17" "pixie": "I stick to the elf like glue to make sure that he's not taking the [dead guy's]effects to his evil turtle overlord. Rolled up parchment at the ready."

Azerian Kelimon
2007-10-30, 11:11 AM
Best in-game quote ever: "Go for the eyes, Boo, go for the eyes!". Seriously good, made in a remake of BGII.

Weirdlet
2007-10-30, 11:43 AM
(On completing one adventure and arguing with the privateer captain who runs the boat that we wanna stay land bound for a while...)

Cheerful Necromancer: "Look, Brannegan, we know that your life, your love and your lady is the sea..."

Halforc Rogue-girl: "It's just that some of us prefer brandy."

-Cor-
2007-10-30, 12:11 PM
My group has a bunch, of course, none of them funny out of context.

I think my favorite is our motto, "That's a neat trick. Can you teach me that?"

Said anytime anyone uses a class ability or skill with spectacular results.

SoD
2007-10-30, 01:55 PM
One from my last session. The party is just going down into the dragons lair. The charismatic sorcerer attempts a bluff check: ''We're not here to fight you!'' I gave a massive circumstance bonus to the opposed sense motive...when the half orc cleric looks at the sorcerer and says, as if explaining to a small child ''Yes we are.''

And later on, after chasing said dragon into a dungeon (it's a wyrmling black, the party is still low level) and the sorcerer calls out ''Where are you hiding? We're coming for you!'' or something along those lines in draconic (he learned how the half orc reacts when he does in common). The six kobolds in the next room loaded their crossbows and aimed at the doorway. A few seconds later...the half orc cleric walks through the doorway.

blackspeeker
2007-10-30, 02:07 PM
Well me and my party of a bard, a monk, wizard, rogue, fighter and Dwarven Cleric (me) have infiltrated a castle filled with three legged hostiled, I dunno why three legs, our DM was retarded and thought that this would be cool.

Well they tower over us and suround us while we try and formulate a way out, then this comes from me in character "Let's kill these three legged bitches." They make their listen checks battle ensues and we barely make it out.

Lemur
2007-10-30, 02:10 PM
Prior to combat, I say to a baddie:

"Hey ugly! Were you born that ugly, or were you just born that way?"

The DM just pauses for a few seconds, obviously trying to convince himself it wouldn't be sporting just to instakill me on the spot.

SoD
2007-10-30, 02:19 PM
"Hey ugly! Were you born that ugly, or were you just born that way?"

Can I steal that for my sig? Please?

MCerberus
2007-10-30, 03:49 PM
First ever DnD the party is in a generic orc cave going to get a cure for something that I would likely get banned if I describe. Eventually we come across a seeming dead end. There's an orc library with carpet and everything inside the dungeon.

Me: Well what's in the books?
DM: Orc porn.
Me: Well I'm getting the fire.
Cleric: Well we should rest in the room right next to the fire.

Later that night...

Orc: My porn!

Fax Celestis
2007-10-30, 03:54 PM
"The merchant offers you 350 gold for your suit of plate mail."
"...that's not even half of what I paid for it!"
"Economy is rarely fair. Welcome to capitalism."

Lolzords
2007-10-30, 04:01 PM
DM: The drow priestess pushes you on to the bed, undos the clasps on her armour and mutters something seductively in undercommon. You're going to need to make a check of some sort. *leafing through player's handbook*
Me: Ride check?
Random Player: How about a use rope check?

Turns out while I was having hot four hour sex with this drow, the rest of the party were off getting arrested in this drow city. After sex, me and the priestess had to meet this big black dragon and he found out I was really a surface elf instead of a drow (I had an illusion on) and the priestess got angry.

I grabbed the priestess and threatened to kill her, the dragon didn't give a hoot, so I threw the sobbing priestess at the dragon, drank a potion of gaseous form and exited the temple, stage left.

Much fun was had by all.

AslanCross
2007-10-30, 05:10 PM
Kieran is a Half-elf rogue, 15 INT, 8 WIS, 15 CHA. Is also a girl, despite the masculine name.
Milica is a Human swashbuckler, 17 INT, 9 WIS, 14 CHA.
Alioth is an Aasimar paladin with more charisma than either girl.


Kieran <taunting an enemy rogue who took a nasty hit from the ranger's elven hound>: I know what that feels like, it's just a flesh wound!
Milica <to Milica>: Yeah, last time you nearly had your liver cut out!
Kieran: I got bitten in the leg. My liver is nowhere near my leg.
Alioth: In case you two don't notice we're in the middle of a fight here!
Kieran: I know! We are fighting!

CrazedGoblin
2007-10-30, 05:24 PM
so where do i have to be to flank him??

said by me, shortly after i was reducsed to -7 :smalltongue:

BrotherMick
2007-10-31, 07:53 AM
After mopping up a group of rampaging evil Knights we save ones life to interrogate...
(the party) All right you! Whats your name?
(the knight) I am........(long Pause).... Sir Not Designed to Survive this Encounter?

ColdBrew
2007-10-31, 08:38 AM
We were walking along a dusty road toward a village when we spotted a group of mounted guards riding toward us, chasing someone. Out of sheer impulse, someone threw up a wall between the guards and their prey. After they got around it, they rode over and manacled us and the following took place:

DM: The guard says, "So you think you're a funny man?"
Player: I say, "No, but I think I'm a fast man!" and take off running into the fields!
DM: ...The mounted guards wheel around and chase after you, spears levelled at your back.
Player: I start pulling up tufts of grass as I run, stuffing them into my clothes to give me a bonus on my hide check.
DM: No. You get stabbed in the back.

allonym
2007-10-31, 03:23 PM
A few from my Call of Cthulhu game; I'm keeper.

Player (Discussing tactics with the party): "You two ladies are taking up the rear. Uh...Bringing up the rear."

Player (attempting to tell me he's readying his gun): My ****'s clicked...

Player: I walk forwards, into the line of fire.

Player 1 (in a swamp): I throw a rock into the darkness.
Keeper: *Splash*
Player 2: "I think that's water."

Player (trying to flirt with a librarian): I want to impress her.
Keeper: Roll Biology.

Keeper: Which of them are you aiming at?
Player: I'm shooting her. Because she can FLY.

PaladinBoy
2007-10-31, 03:58 PM
Alright, the main player in most of these is Elina d'Lyrandar, my windwright captain character.

Me: I'm going to try to match the other airship's flight so we can board.
DM: Roll Profession (sailor).
*Die roll: 1*
Warmage's player: .....Natural 1.
DM: Yeah, right. You fail-
Me: 24.
DM: Wait, what?
Me: Between all the modifiers, that's a 24.
DM: :smallmad: You succeed.

After facing a dragon with a DC 39 frightful presence.......

Druid's player: I'm going to act stupid the whole way home!
Me: No, you won't. I'll fascinate you.
Druid's player: La la la la....
Me: Okay, I'm using my fascinate ability. *Rolls* Will save, DC 40.
DM: :eek: Skill checks scale up much faster than saving throws.
Warmage's player: Yep.

Narmoth
2007-10-31, 04:47 PM
First ever DnD the party is in a generic orc cave going to get a cure for something that I would likely get banned if I describe. Eventually we come across a seeming dead end. There's an orc library with carpet and everything inside the dungeon.

Me: Well what's in the books?
DM: Orc porn.
Me: Well I'm getting the fire.
Cleric: Well we should rest in the room right next to the fire.

Later that night...

Orc: My porn!

really nice! :smallbiggrin:


After mopping up a group of rampaging evil Knights we save ones life to interrogate...
(the party) All right you! Whats your name?
(the knight) I am........(long Pause).... Sir Not Designed to Survive this Encounter?

:smallconfused: bad dm-ing. the group did something smart (taking prisoners in stead of jus tkilling everything that moves) and should be revarded.

Of course, I would call him ted and let him give mostly misguiding info, but that another story...

Kaelik
2007-10-31, 05:43 PM
:smallconfused: bad dm-ing. the group did something smart (taking prisoners in stead of jus tkilling everything that moves) and should be revarded.

Maybe Sir Not Supposed to Survive had a good on the spot roleplaying but a very bad name. I know as DM I have a hell of a time coming up with names for everything from NPCs to Towns. I even have problems coming up with names for my PCs when playing. But that doesn't mean I can't pull something original out of my ass RPing an NPC that was never supposed to come up.

Fax Celestis
2007-10-31, 05:52 PM
Maybe Sir Not Supposed to Survive had a good on the spot roleplaying but a very bad name. I know as DM I have a hell of a time coming up with names for everything from NPCs to Towns. I even have problems coming up with names for my PCs when playing. But that doesn't mean I can't pull something original out of my ass RPing an NPC that was never supposed to come up.

First Rule of DMing: The PCs will never do what you expect them to do.

MCerberus
2007-10-31, 06:08 PM
First Rule of DMing: The PCs will never do what you expect them to do.

First Amendment to the First Rule of DMing: It usually involves fire.

Roderick_BR
2007-10-31, 06:21 PM
After mopping up a group of rampaging evil Knights we save ones life to interrogate...
(the party) All right you! Whats your name?
(the knight) I am........(long Pause).... Sir Not Designed to Survive this Encounter?
Also known as "red shirt guy".

Artanis
2007-10-31, 06:40 PM
This is an excerpt from an Exalted session a while back that has a few great quotes in it, especially by the ST, Exile:


** (3) Violins nods thoughtfully at that. "An interesting story, that..." Violin's mind churns... as Ash's narrative drives him perliously close to developing Creation's first country-western song. **

(3) Violins: (...charisma + perform... to create the song: Blue Haired Girl?)

(4) Exile: (Go for it.)

(3) Violins: [10d10.descending().vs(7)] -> [10,9,9,9,9,6,2,2,1,1] = (5)

(3) Violins: (Holy moly, it's going GOLD!)

(5) Danni: (god help us....Violins has just turned Lookshy into TEXAS)

(3) Violins: (Hey, you said you needed a -reason- to destroy a city, right?)

(4) Exile: Violins' impromptu song wouldn't have just gone gold, it would have went jade (being a much more valuable material in this world). Possibly even orichalcum. His song moves tough, war-scarred veterans of Lookshy to tears as they recall their own failures at love and being done wrong by a woman. One remembers the time his woman stole his beloved wagon and flipped it over the road into an embankment, killing his dog before running off with his First Age lawn maintenance device.

(4) Exile: Violins is mobbed by the polar opposite of a boy-band crowd.

(4) Exile: Undergarments are thrown at Violins. Not all of them from women.

Cogwheel
2007-10-31, 06:41 PM
When it comes to absurd amounts of evilness, no one can beat Terathus Shadeweaver, my warlock lich. Evil, but so vastly evil that it actually becomes funny.

For instance, the party runs into a dragon, Ter nudges the paladin (don't ask me how they can travel together), and the following ensues -

Paladin: "What?"

Terathus: (points at the dragon) "Dibs on its eternal soul?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Or when they barged in on a room full of hobgoblins, orcs, bugbears and the like, mostly unequipped, since they were resting. One hobgoblin is quick to react, though, and the following ensues -

hobgoblin: "What happens if we surrender?"

Terathus: "Start with 'You all die horribly, and your pitiful souls suffer an eternity of torture in the depths of hell as your mangled corpses are reanimated as fiery skeletons to be used at my beck and call.' and work your way up from there."

hobgoblin: "I see.... what happens if we fight, than?"

Terathus: "Ah, that's when it starts to get bad."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you ever make a character that tops that in evilness, let me know.:smallbiggrin:

-Cor-
2007-10-31, 06:54 PM
Said by the DM every time we do something fantastically stupid that would generally result in a plane shattering explosion killing us all:

"Your next character looks out of the tavern window and sees a large mushroom cloud in the distance. They go to investigate."

Doresain
2007-10-31, 11:05 PM
after group ranger's badger simultaneously kills a guard and itself, another guard walks down some stairs to where we are...the rest of the group managed to hide themselves and the body, while i took the form of the dead guard and donned his armor and weapons...

npc guard: what was that?
me disguised as guard: *shrugs* badger

Xan
2007-10-31, 11:28 PM
While playing in the Underdark in the City of the Spider Queen quest:

"Man, I've got mind-flayer in holes I didn't know I even had!"

Skjaldbakka
2007-11-01, 12:05 AM
A few choice bits from my last major campaign. One of these was out of character (I'm sure you can figure out which).


Mission Statement
To explore strange new continents, to seek out new allies from new civilizations—to boldly go where no halfling has gone before.

" I do believe our little Champion-in-training was about to finally graduate. "

"Unfortunately there has been a lack of the treasure that a hero receives in the old legends, and what I have found has been given away, to monkeys!

"Chanting in my general direction is not generally good for your health."

"There will be much blood to spill to repay these barbarians with the lives that they owe."

"I demand giant robots!"

"Yeah, but those were just people. Ukko is an NPC."

"My hands quiver with anticipation of the blood that they will spill and my blade sings for that self-same sanguine offering."

"Let me put it this way: I am only giving you these things because I would rather not see or hear you"

"Wow. I should tap Renkinna for spells more often"

Dizlag
2007-11-01, 09:11 AM
One of my players is playing a Pixie Rogue. At 1st level, he goes into a jeweler's shop / adventuring guild office starts asking questions in character about the upcoming adventure. The player is using a higher pitched voice and everything, very funny ...

Pixie (IC): Where is the dungeon?
Jeweler / Adventuring Guild Representative (DM IC): To the west of here.
Pixie (IC): How much treasure is there?
(DM IC): You'll just have to go look for yourself.
Pixie (IC): *pauses for a moment* How do we win?
(DM IC): *after about 5 minutes of laughing* What does that mean?

Dizlag

SoD
2007-11-01, 09:30 AM
Player: I wanna become lawful evil!
DM: But...why? You're chaotic good!
Player: Well, looking at the chaotic idea, what's more chaotic than a total change in morals and ideals? Although, according to the book, it says that indesicivness indicates neutrality...
DM: ...so you're argument is that because you're chaotic good, you're about to become lawful evil, which proves you're true neutral?
Player: Yup.

Wasn't with that group, but now I'm DMing...it worries me when suddenly two party members want to become evil...especially when one's a paladin.

Leon
2007-11-01, 10:11 AM
Setting: Shadowy alleyway in Middenheim near Hellcannon site
Characters: Kargun and the Kossite (i cant rember how to spell his name...)
Background: Curfew in place to make our survielance of the cities wells easier

Kargun: hey, there is a person breaking into that building.
Kossite:where
Kargun: over up there
Kossite: heh, lets give them a fright
Kargun: sure

<3 turns of aiming + 1reroll = 1 Bolt to the Head and 1 Arrow to the body>

Kossite: should we go check on them
Kargun: Nah, dont want to break cover

[awhile later, near dawn]

Kargun: alright lets go look

<on finding that the burgular had expired>
Kossite: what are we going to do with the body (after looting)
Kargun: that sewer grate is around here isnt it
Kossite: hmm, we better let Klara report it

<Later on, joined rest of party>
Kargun: We bagged a thief
Various people - general disscusion on why that had happend
Kargun: you did say shoot first, they were breaking into a building during curfew

<later at watch house, Klara is faced with a pile of paper work regarding the body>

Kargun: told ya sewer grate was the way to go

JWhitehead
2007-11-01, 10:25 AM
This one happened in a campaign I'm playing in currently. The mage was discussing casting spells on a downed party member which required them to be willing or make a save, benign transportation I think.

anyway
Psion: be carefull Aust (the mage), just remember helpless isnt the same as willing, dont waste your spells needlessly.
Druid: helpless isnt the same as willing? Oh I dont know about that.....

Tyrael
2007-11-02, 03:22 AM
DM: "The dragon tells you that the evil emperor pulled forth a horrible evil from the foulest darkness of the land, and that in order to stop it, he will send you back in time to stop the emperor to do it. He warns you that you might have to stop the summon itself."
Me: "Let me get this straight. We have to ATTACK THE DARKNESS to save the world!?"
**Group busts up laughing**


**My lizardfolk fighter rests on a large scaly rock, which blinks at him**
DM: "The rock shifts slightly, and you hear a deep voice: "Do you normally use your elders for resting posts, little one?"
Me: *blinks* (Russian accent for character): "Boshi usually try not to, but still happen from time to time."

lacesmcawesome
2007-11-04, 04:37 PM
haha, the guy I'm talking about isn't much of a "newb" to the game, he's just not entirely bright.

My DM had this lovely little house-ruled-in "runes" which allowed us to cast a spell or two. So we're looking up spells, and he starts reading one off.

and so here it goes:

Him: "Hey, this says 'casting time: immediate', awesome! that means it's everlasting!"
Me: ...
DM [who happens to be his brother]: ...
Me: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I didn't stop laughing for the rest of the session. We had to stop early.

Manticorkscrew
2007-11-04, 06:54 PM
I'm going to link to one of the older funny quotes threads. Some of them are well-worth reading. Here ya go:

http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=34038

skywalker
2007-11-05, 12:47 AM
Tyrael, I love your sig. I had somehow missed it before.

I have an interesting anecdote related to fire:

Dwarven Ranger w/Owl Animal Companion(DRwOAC): "This is my owl, Hooter..."

30 minutes later...

DRwOAC: So, let's say I wanted to teach Hooter to take an Alchemist's Fire, fly over an enemy, and dive bomb him with the alchemist's fire, how high would that check be?

DM: 25

DR: Well, I can succeed on a natural 20...

later that same session:
DR: So, let's say, I wanted to craft some sort of "flask carrier" on my crossbow, so that I could modify it to launch Alchemist's Fire...
DM: NO!

even later:
DR: So, let's say that I was to take the underarm of my armor, and fashion a sort of "pocket" where I could put my bag of holding, and let's say that the only thing I put in that bag of holding was alchemist's fire. Could I draw them as a standard action?
DM: Yes, okay, just shut up about the alchemist's fire. Yes, you can do that!

This, of course, paid off eventually, as the party was trying to reach a mine that was guarded by a castle:
DM: You look up and realize that from the castle, 40 orcs and two trolls have emerged. Arrows and javelins rain on you from the battlements.
Elven Cleric: I think this would be a good time to mention, I have 8 tower shields in my pack...
DM: They begin to gain on the cleric and the DR with their 20ft per round movement rate.
DR(thinking fast): Uh... uh... We're running through a field, right? What's the field planted with?
DM: Uh... dry grass?
DR: :smallamused:
DM: Crap, dry grass!
DR: I pull two alchemist's fires from my "arm pocket"...

Wall of Fire? We don't need no stinkin' fourth level spell slots(we were all level 5 or thereabouts).

Tren
2007-11-05, 11:31 AM
One of the best characters for in game quotes was an orc fighter who was a crew member aboard an orcish coastal raider. The ship was anchored with a skeleton crew remaining while the bulk of pirates went on land. We manage to board and stealthily dispatch a sizeable chunk of the crew, there's three orcs left awake and aware of us, two of them charge us while a third stands there with a crossbow kind of dumbstruck, the fighter gets the killing blow on hte first orc, and critical cleaves the second to drop them both instantly. The sole remaining orc crewman simply tosses his crossbow overboard, throws his hands up in the air and cries out "My give up! My give up!"

Later Durp the orcish fighter became a DMPC and saved our lives in a battle with a group of cockatrices, charging headlong into the fight with his greataxe screaming "DIE EVIL CHICKEN THINGY!"

Corinthus
2007-11-05, 03:20 PM
So, our first session, the halfing rogue scouts ahead into the druid's cave. She is (my exact words) dead, very dead. Blood smeared on the walls, dagger left in her chest. Seeing no immediate danger, he calls in the rest of the party. They get the same explenation as the halfing did. They then search the whole cave, and one of them checks the dagger.
'It's a crude make, but obviously meant for a Small Humaniod (I was thinking goblins when i said this)
*Entire party stares at Halfing Rogue*
"She was dead when i got here!"


Not sure how much it counts, but it was a good laugh when it happened

AslanCross
2007-11-05, 04:58 PM
This just happened yesterday afternoon.

So the party is setting up camp. The ranger went out to hunt,and she drags back this huge boar.
<Wizard, the party cook> Wow. Let's roast it! Hey um...(to the Paladin) Can I borrow your lance?


Later, while eating...

<Wizard> ...I wonder what happens if I cast Levitate on the boar.
<everyone> ...
<Wizard> Or maybe I can try Bull's Strength! Though that might make the meat tougher.
<Everyone> ...
<Wizard> Oh, I know. I'll cast Enlarge Person on it!
<Everyone> *rolling eyes*
<Wizard> What happens if we resurrect food?
<Paladin> CAN YOU PLEASE JUST EAT!?

Later...
Acantha is a female Cleric of Kelemvor who is as tough as Jessica Biel's character was in Blade: Trinity. Azareth is the wizard. Lesa is a wood elf ranger.
<Acantha is praying to prepare her spells, propped up near a tree.>
<Azareth> I want to sleep in a tree...
<Acantha> Well, come by my tree.
<Azareth> Ah, yes. I will keep watch while Acantha prays. Just in case she's vulnerable at dusk.
<Lesa> You're more vulnerable than her, you know.
<Azareth> Oh, right.

Accersitus
2007-11-12, 08:10 PM
In a campaign i forgotten realms, the party had just stolen a valuable painting
from a museum in waterdeep

-Wizard: *cast detect magic* it seems the painting is magical
-Rogue: Maybe they have some detecting magic cast on the frame,
our "employer" ensured us the painting couldn't be found
with magic, maybe they enchanted the frame to make scrying easier.
*I remove the painting from the frame, and throw it away*
-Fighter: wait, *takes frame* let's go to the wealthy merchant who tried
to steal all our stuff(earlier, we fell into a trap set by a wealthy merchant
who doubled as underground crime lord. We tried going to the guard, but they couldn't do anything without proof, and he was good at hiding it), and have
Rogue hide the painting in his shop.
-DM: Ok, you go to the merchants shop.
-Rogue: I break inn, and hide the painting in his study behind a bookcase.
*rolls several checks, and makes it*
-*party walking away from a quite perfect theft* Wizard: Hey, we just framed the merchant by hiding a frame in his shop:smallbiggrin:

The next day the merchant was arrested:smallbiggrin:

A listing of nice dialogue options from the baldurs gate series
of d20 based computer games:
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Baldur%27s_Gate_series