Recently kicked a player from our pathfinder group

[MonkeySage]

Hi all- so as it says in the title, I kicked a player from our group recently. I won't go into the details of why, but basically he was making other players in the group, myself included, uncomfortable. While his in game behavior was generally respectful, it was his behavior between games that was starting to make it difficult to enjoy the game in his company.

I spoke with every other player in the group, confirming that at least 4 of us out of 6 were indeed uncomfortable. The other two understood and accepted this judgement, with the last player (the problem player's best friend) even telling me that he would not be leaving the group even if his friend told him to.

Not wanting to draw it out any longer, I sent a short message to the player being kicked, then kicked him from our server.

Since he's not on my friend's list, he messaged the player who's his friend- going on an *extremely* long conspiratorial rant about me and trying to guilt his friend into leaving. Apparently, he predicted that I might one day end up kicking him "For no reason".

Part of me does feel guilty for kicking him without actually talking to him first, but I'd already confirmed with the other players that this was the course of action we were taking- and I wouldn't have kicked him if I was the only one having a problem. I did what I did because I knew he'd be angry and I didn't want to deal with that.

[Keltest]

Youre not obligated to game with anybody that you dont want to, and frankly "we dont like you" is the best reason to kick somebody from a social event short of, i dunno, actual physical violence against members. You arent obligated to entertain them.

Having said that, did you talk to the problem player about his behavior at all before kicking him? It isnt strictly necessary to do, but it is at least polite to offer them a chance to fix the problem before it becomes an issue worth kicking over. If you didnt, it might explain why he feels he was kicked for no reason.

[MonkeySage]

I did try, before I'd resolved to talk to the other players, but he completely shut down any attempts to address the issue. That event was actually what prompted me to ask the other players for advice.

[Tvtyrant]

Part of me does feel guilty for kicking him without actually talking to him first, but I'd already confirmed with the other players that this was the course of action we were taking- and I wouldn't have kicked him if I was the only one having a problem. I did what I did because I knew he'd be angry and I didn't want to deal with that.

Seems kind of crappy to justify ghosting someone out of a group without a conversation but otherwise what you did is in the correct order of operations.

[JNAProductions]

It sucks to have to remove a player from a group, but it sounds like you made the right call, given what you've said.

Good luck with your gaming!

[Mastikator]

If he knew getting kicked out "for no reason" was a possible outcome then part of him knows that reason, a reason he's most likely not willing to accept about himself.

I think you did the right thing, maybe it was rude to him, but more importantly not kicking him out would've been even more rude to the other players.

[Tarmor]

I support your decision, and the steps you took. It's a hard decision to make under any circumstances.
Checking with the other players and having a majority agreement that the problem player should go is very important. The way I see it, if that player "shut down any attempts to address the issue" - they knew there was a problem, didn't plan on changing their behavior, and knew the reason they were kicked.
My wife has suggested before that my gaming group gets together to have fun - the RPG/game we play is just the excuse that gets us together. You have to be having fun before, during and after the game.

[HandofShadows]

As Mastikator said. If he thought he was going to be kicked for "no reason" he very much knows there is a reason. But I doubt it's an issue he doesn't want to face. It's something he does not see as a problem. And if it was making that many people uncomfortable it sounds like there is something "off" about this person and getting them out of the group is by far the best course.

[+5 Vorpal Bunny]

I've seen a few of those toxic, angry types. One of those was a D&D friend. Past tense, was. They'll drag you and the whole group down if you let them.

I agree with others here, you did the right thing. And don't worry about him, he'll find a group more right for him.

[Bonecrusher Doc]

I agree with everything already said.

Don't feel too bad. It's just a game. Once I had to fire a guy from his job and he felt like I did it for no reason. He was like a puppy not understanding why he was being scolded. But in fact I gave him very specific warnings, even written counseling! And the fact that he could not connect the dots from "Fix this or you might lose your job," to "You're fired," made me pity him but also made me feel more certain that I had made the right decision.