How to stop stressing out about DMing?

[SangoProduction]

Like, my players say they enjoy the games I run. But I keep getting unreasonably nervous and occasionally flustered, and that's pretty frustrating. Definitely feels like I'm not giving the best performance I could. Especially when running a sandbox-style game and not something with a clear story line for everyone to follow. Maybe its because it's not the style of game I would like to play. I don't really know.

There are probably a few DMs here who have had the issue before, and I wanted to see if I could request advice and help getting over this stupid issue, and just chill with it.

[Aegis013]

Practice makes improvement. I personally find that there's two ingredients for success: 1. The DM is having fun, 2. The players are having fun.

If boxes 1 and 2 are checked, there's nothing to change. Just keep enjoying it.

If either of those two items are missing, carefully evaluate what needs to change to make that happen and discuss with the group how to best make and implement whatever is needed for to make the time feel well spent.

[OldTrees1]

Nervous:
Your players are having fun and think you are doing a great job. If you hear them say that enough times you will start to believe it and gain more confidence in your good abilities. Sure you are not giving your best possible performance, but it is already a good performance.

Flustered:
Sounds like your players asked an unexpected question. Great! Since you are running a sandbox, these kinds of questions are expected to show up. Start to notice what they players surprise you about and how you found an answer. That can help you prep. But don't worry if they still happen. Sandboxes enable the players to give the DM these gifts.

[Endarire]

Proper preparation prevents poor performance. (There are other variants of this phrase.)

When I made a campaign setting for The Metaphysical Revolution (https://campbellgrege.com/work-listing/the-metaphysical-revolution-dd-3-5-module/), I intended for it to be expansive and open world - eventually. To avoid much of the pain that came with unpreparedness, I worked for for about 6 months to plan the world and the introductory adventure linked above, which provided a solid foundation for the group's motivation and a taste of what was to come. Dragon Age: Origins was a major inspiration for this module!

In short, know your world and use your answers to the group's questions to fill in parts that haven't been solidified yet.

[Falontani]

For me there are usually two reasons that I start to become anxious before doing a session.


1. Loss of passion. It happens, far too frequently for my taste, although a good campaign can last a year or two even with weekly (sometimes biweekly) meetings. For me it really starts to happen in the mid-late teens. Level 15-17 is when it really starts happening, and it is directly related to N2.

2. The characters. These characters that we have often had for most of the campaign, that have learned, evolved, adapted, and become powerful are... too powerful. Sometimes players make exceedingly broken characters right off the bat, and it is my fault for not saying, "No." enough, but then again, I'm a yes man too often when it comes to my friends. But once combat is off the table due to it just not being fun to plan, fun to play, or worthwhile to do (imo) it comes down to my adaptability, my roleplay, and my story. The pacing to me is off. It goes from me being able to pace everything so that I have things lining up where I like them, and have full day sessions easily planned, to either calling it early, or not being able to keep up with the flow of story. There are days that you can just let the party role play and they do it for hours, but since I personally enjoy mechanics, combat, and rules, my players often also find themselves in that position, and straight roleplay isn't as... conditioned. It is more loose, and freeform. Some players, and definitely myself feel as though there is something lacking, something missing. The quality of the sessions decrease, and the passion becomes lessened. It really sucks that I fail at ending campaigns before it gets to this point. In one of my campaigns I knew it was coming, and then it came, quickly and harshly to the light of day when one of the players got a Psychic Reformation and suddenly spiked in power so hard that there was nothing I could do to challenge him and the party anymore. It was either tpk or challengeless, I couldn't find a balance.

I'm rambling at this point so I think I'll end it here.