Strange Student-to-Teacher Conversations

[Korias]

Today, I asked my teacher for a log, and he commented that it was the strangest student-to-teacher interatction he had ever had. Out of curiosity, what were yours?

[Amotis]

I once had a conversation with my music theory TA about the mating habits of the wild big-foot-like polystylism composers. And their similarities to the Spanish. :smalltongue:

[Cobra_Ikari]

Student: "They're so tender! Feel them!"

Teacher: "Believe me, if I was going to get fired for touching somebody's nipples, they sure as hell wouldn't be yours!"

...yep. Not me, but in one of my classes. That count?

[Dihan]

Me: So, who gave you crabs?
Male teacher: Oh, that was *male teacher*
Me: So he gave you the crabs?
Teacher: Yes, they don't need much feeding but they're a nuisance...
Me: I can imagine...
Teacher: Yes, they keep on eating eachother, you'd think I'd run out by now
Me: Indeed...

[Raistlin1040]

That's creepy, Cobra. Really creepy.

[Azazel]

I spent a lot of time discussing Aztec sacrifical practices and the nature of Succubi with my social studies teacher.
There were legit reasons but I can't remember them now.

[Reinboom]

With a professor from the tech school I used to go to:
I walk in, and casually sit down. Wearing cat ears, a tail (I miss that tail), and a really skimpy outfit. (It was Halloween...)
Teacher (while approaching): "And who are you miss?..... Holy <censor>"
Me: "Uh.. yes?"
Teacher: "..ok... y'know, if I was drunk, and I mean really really drunk... I have to keep political correctness in the classroom..."
Another student walks in and mr. H quickly changed his attention to the other student... however, through the rest of the day I was still confronted by different students.
Funny day that.
(You'd have to see the costume)

-Edit-
Oh, and it wasn't quite a conversation with the teacher, though I did have to discuss it with him before doing it which was amusing, but I've done an in-class debate to prove that we're all actually in the matrix. I got perfect score out of it and, for all extensive purposes "won" the debate.

[Cobra_Ikari]

With a professor from the tech school I used to go to:
I walk in, and casually sit down. Wearing cat ears, a tail (I miss that tail), and a really skimpy outfit. (It was Halloween...)
Teacher (while approaching): "And who are you miss?..... Holy <censor>"
Me: "Uh.. yes?"
Teacher: "..ok... y'know, if I was drunk, and I mean really really drunk... I have to keep political correctness in the classroom..."
Another student walks in and mr. H quickly changed his attention to the other student... however, through the rest of the day I was still confronted by different students.
Funny day that.
(You'd have to see the costume)

-Edit-
Oh, and it wasn't quite a conversation with the teacher, though I did have to discuss it with him before doing it which was amusing, but I've done an in-class debate to prove that we're all actually in the matrix. I got perfect score out of it and, for all extensive purposes "won" the debate.

...pictures? :P

[Copacetic]

Discussion with a history teacher whether or not aliens are responsible for Roanoke. Very strange conversation.

[Legendary]

I spent a lot of time discussing Aztec sacrifical practices and the nature of Succubi with my social studies teacher.
There were legit reasons but I can't remember them now.

Please tell me your real name ISN'T Dalton.... PLEASE.

[de-trick]

with social studys teacher learning about freedom of worship

me: wait, wait, wait, wait(when everyone was busy reading)
teacher: what derek
me:says that you can worship freely
teacher: and
me: so i could worship the devil or a demon and not be breaking the law
teacher: i guess
me: so I could worship freely no and, its or buts
teacher:yes
me:smallamused:
( i do not worship the devil or a demon)

[Bluelantern]

Discussion with a history teacher whether or not aliens are responsible for Roanoke. Very strange conversation.

Everybody knows that the Sheeda did it.

[TheLoveInterest]

Hmmmm...hard to say for me. Here's a few in no specific order...

I asked frech teacher how to say "Moo, moo, moo, I do a voodoo cure on you!" (She never gave me and answer :smallfrown: That still keeps me awake at night)

There's the sevral times my favorite teacher put a color wheel around his neck and calimed he was Flavor Flav and I joined in

I asked my math techer how much force a two week bagel would need to disable a zombie so you could escape the teacher's lounge

....and the time the french teacher threw a sock at me for disrupting the class; making me keep quiet for the few min. I needed too to draw a face on it and dive under my desk to have the sock puppet say "Je m'appelle Banjo God of art des marionnettes." :elan:

[rubakhin]

TheLoveInterest: Meuh, meuh, meuh, je te faire le remède vaudou.

I think. My French is extremely rusty (I'm surprised I remembered the word for voodoo). Francophones in the playground want to verify that?

[ForzaFiori]

lets see...i had a discussion about the book Chariot of the Gods in my sociology class last year. (the book essentially claims that many of the supposed "miracles" in the religions of the world were caused by aliens) It ended up with several classmates telling me that i was going to burn in hell.

all in all a fun day. I have that teacher again for Psychology this year, and i can't wait till we get to a highly debatable topic this year.

[TheLoveInterest]

TheLoveInterest: Meuh, meuh, meuh, je te faire le remède vaudou.

I think. My French is extremely rusty (I'm surprised I remembered the word for voodoo). Francophones in the playground want to verify that?

Oh! Thank you! :smallbiggrin: I now cry tears of joy!T_T

I actually droped out of French to my french is rusty too.
It was about the middle of the year when I was doing a speeking assessment and the teacher looked at me and said "(Love's actual name here) you speek french with a Japaneese accent."
This year I took Japaneese and I really like it:smallbiggrin:

[BlackStaticWolf]

While working as a technology intern (essentially, I spent one period a day doing nothing but walking around the school repairing computers and installing stuff) at one of my old high schools.

I walk into my younger sister's history class... they appear to be taking a quiz.

Me (whispering): Is now a good time to install the new grading softward on your computer, or do you want me to come back?
Teacher (shouting): Is the Pope Catholic?
Me (barely concealing my disgust at his greasy hair): Unless he saw the light.
My Sister (not at all concealing her disgust for his greasy hair): Teacher, you do know that a sarcastic way of saying "yes" doesn't actually answer a question that requires a choice between two options, right?
Teacher: Are you two related?
Me: Only by blood.

[thubby]

i ended up on the pro side of cannibalism debate with my teacher (needless to say i was largely alone)
or maybe it was the time i ended up defending the nazis. now that got weird fast. (devil's advocate I do well)

[Eldritch Knight]

I remember discussing quite energetically the merits of computer games with my college English Professor. Our tastes were different, but that led to an even deeper discussion of the mythologies behind the games.

There was also the In-class discussion with my Ethics professor before we wrote the midterm exam where he stated 'This is an Ethics exam. If you want to cheat, you can go to Hell on your own.' (more or less a direct quote)

[Em Blackleaf]

Here's a conversation I had with my Language Arts teacher last year. He had always joked with us that we had the "IQ of a piece of cheese." Yes.

Teacher: Because, he has the IQ of a piece of cheese (referring to someone who had turned their homework in late).
Me: You only say that because cheese is sharp.
Teacher: *calls up his buddy from college or something*
Hey, Cheese! *Holds the phone up to me and has me repeat what I said.*

He changed what he always says now. :smallbiggrin:

Wow, that conversation sounded like a bad joke. :smalltongue:

[Volug]

This was going on at the start of the school year, when I find out my science teacher acually plays role-playing games 0_o

Teacher: A little about myself, I've been in the teaching business for quite awile, I play lots of D&D...
Me: YOU PLAY D&D?!?!
Teacher: Yeah, it's cool! How long have you been playing
me: little over a year.
Teacher: I've been playing for a very long time. I even have a starwars role-playing game thats been going for 7 straight years.

The talk about this continued the WHOLE class peiord. Everyone else besides me and him were bored and tired of listening to 2 nerds talk.

About that star wars thing... He captured a Impirial star ship with 3 other guys. They couldn't fly it so they drove it into the sun and ejected themselves to a nearby planet XD

[Cobra_Ikari]

Hmm...

...I can't give any kind of accurate dialogue, but I've debated a teacher about nuclear power. We ended up talking about giant laser beams. And the moon. >.>

[Eldritch Knight]

Cobra,

Throw in Nazis and you have yourself one of the coolest concepts for any superhero to face. And this is what people are hoping will show up in City of Heroes eventually, (not likely.)

[BizzaroStormy]

Some other kid in my machining class.

Teacher: So, Cotner, where were you born?

Kid: The toilet.

Teacher: Wha...?

Kid: My mom got constipated when she was pregnant and when she went to take a crap all you heard was *grunt* *plop* "Waaaahhh!!!"

Teacher: Wow, sounds pretty bad.

Kid: What's worse is that she **** on me like, 2 seconds after.


We'll never let him live that down.

[Skippy]

*Snip*
This year I took Japaneese and I really like it:smallbiggrin:

It is a wonderful language indeed, you know. I love it.

My most weird conversation with a teacher was about the general formula to solve third and fourth grade equations, and how many people had died before being able to publish them. In the end we concluded that maybe God didn't want those formulas published or something like that. (Seriously guys... Many people died before publishing the Third Grade Equation's General Formula...)

[SadisticFishing]

It's been a long time, but my grade 5 math teacher was absolutely convinced that paper was two dimensional. Not just paper, though. At the time, I was ... 10? And I tried to convince him that anything that exists physically has at least 3 dimensions... It didn't work. Even pencil lead exists in 3 dimensions... Actually, 5th grade was the biggest drop in my (normally very good) math average in my life.

Sadly, he's dead now.

I win.

(I'm a horrible person.)

[Iudex Fatarum]

Does having convorsations about how many sci-fi writers are mormon count, especialy in a programing algorithms class?
I also have debated Open Theism (basicly a new christian sect that Calvinists consider heresy that says that God is not in control of everything and does not know the future) with a Biology prof, this was the end of our convorsation on the viability of a half-dragon yak-folk warhulk in DnD.

I've also had debates on Eugenics

My math prof pointed out that since a bell-curve has no end then theoreticly women can have a pregnancy that lasts over 12 months, or even 18.

[DarkLightDragon]

In my IT class yesterday:

Me: Someone name a random artist!
Rest of class: WTF?
Me: Just... someone name a random artist!
Male Student: Spice Girls!
Everyone: WTF?
Male Student: Sorry. I was thinking about the Spice Girls.
*everyone gives Male Student weird looks*

IT class, a day or two before:

*something happens, I forget what as I wasn't paying attention*
Teacher (to a male student): Hey, Yugioh!
*everyone gives teacher weird looks*
Me: I watch the cartoon...
Other Male Student (to me): ?
Me (hoping like hell he didn't hear me): ...

I do indeed watch the cartoon.

Must... resist urge... to... rant... *twitch*

[Emperor Ing]

Me: Check out this video next time you can.
Teacher: What video.
Me (paraphrase): this one. (http://youtube.com/watch?v=r-TUoh58_Yk)

I kid you not. I recommeded that video to one of my teachers. :smallcool:

[Kitya]

I'd recommend that video to most of the teachers I had.... *chuckles*

I htink the best "weird" conversation I had was in college. We had the (un)fortunate pleasure of having a proff who loved making puns. And not only did he make puns, but, since he was fluent in several languages, he would pun in all those languages... which meant we never got most of them. Try dealing with that in Cultural Anthropology at 8am. So, one day we're discussing the works of several different commentators, and I asked, "Were they Russets, or Yukon?" (those being two fairly common types of potatoes) He looked totally dumbfounded, as the rest of the class cracked up, because someone had finally gotten one on him. He then asked if he could use it. *chuckles* so students that had him after I did... I apologize.

[Ascobol]

I once accidentally told my French teacher to f*ck off in French (as in, I said it in french)...

And an argument with my PE teacher about petrol or diesel engined cars.

I like my school :smallbiggrin:

[Penguinizer]

Not actually involving teachers. But our class is so strange, we could find "references to nazis" in a comic book about global warming. I swear, our class has some form of collective insanity.

[Deepblue706]

"Hallo, I am professor Kim, dis ees Calculus two. Call me MC. Here ees syallbus, we go over now.

Homework ees importaant. Do. No do, you dead. I keel you.

Exams. We have four. No do homework, no pass exams. There quizzes too. But no do homework, no make it to exam. Be dead by then. I have a knife.

No cellphone in class. It ring, I take, and give back December 25th. Merry Christmas present.

No food or drink - no bathroom break. I stand whole time, and teach class. What you do? Sit and move pencil. Stop whining. Babies."

...

At a later time...

"So, dis ees Parameter. It joins X and Y. It like matchmaker, and these two marry.

I married. No freedom. My wife take all money. My wallet empty. Don't get married - big mistake. You regret."

...

"In Korea, we do much more math. This baby math. Your integration technique horrible. I graded tests, I had to curve. Blood pressure so high, I had to have lots of wine. Maybe had too much."

*I got an 85 on that one. Booya.

...

"Oh, I forgot to grade quizzes. Took my kids to see eh...Shrek III? De one with de Ogre and the...ogre and he's all RAWR, and..ya, Good work, you all aced."

[Kitya]

*blinks* That is just too magnificent for words... especially the parts about not doing homework will kill you.

[Gowron]

Me and a friend were taking a tally on who had better legs (I won, eventually.) We asked his law teacher to vote during a break, and the conversation sorta turned... Well, it was a REALLY odd conversation. He went all deep into everything from shape of the calf to size of ankles ect.

Never had my legs critiqued in such a way. Ever. (I got his vote, too!)

[Cyrano]

Something about me, a nice Jewish boy, defending an experimental eugenics program taking up the entirety of Poland, being carried out by Nazis. My opponent was my Jewish english teacher.
Eugenics is a great debate subject.

[Vella_Malachite]

I have had conversations about giant ants with my science teacher and a squirrel-chicken war with the same teacher.

With our substitute teacher for History, a discussion about Ancient Egyptian temple construction that led to a debate about theories of mummy curses and heiroglyphics.

Yeah...I have some pretty cool teachers.:smallbiggrin: :smallcool:

[Quincunx]

College, a year before I arrived. Medieval re-creation group centered around bopping one's nearest and dearest over the head with foam padded swords. Highlander Week. Armed at ALL times. Yes.

Exasperated literature teacher repeats her claim to the class, that fantasy and science fiction can NOT be counted as literature! Group stands, draws swords, presents polearms. "I'd like to object to that statement," says one lady with a shortsword.

*****

It ain't a Latin class until it's been derailed. Various lectures in various places have meandered off into independent music pre-Internet, the bastardization of source material from animation to live action and vice-versa, class discipline through the ages, Sanskrit--and those are just the topics which kept some tenuous connection to the subject at hand.

[Castaras]

Lets see...

In History, there's a dude in our class who was arguing with our Irish teacher that the Irish say "Loch" as "Lough", or something. It was hilarious. Also in history, a few of my classmates couldn't believe that Defenestrate was a word, so I bring in Miss into the argument. Loads of fun. :smallbiggrin:

Maths in Year 7, we spent a whole lesson being taught a french song by our teacher. Loads of fun. Although in another lesson we spent the whole lesson talking about our teacher's jury servicey thingy. No work done at all. Fun.

English Year 7, another kid did the "Gullible is written on the ceiling!" joke with our teacher. She didn't get it for about half the lesson. So...freaking...funny...

More will probably be written down when I remember them.

[Exachix]

Our F.Maths Teacher (Well, one of them) is great.

We do work for about 45 minutes (He teaches us stuff, we may do work)
15 minutes of banter. Sometimes banter is integrated into learning. But we have found this cuts down on the full-on banter later on.

Our lessons are really fun with him =D.

Another one of our classmates, really is quite silly at times.
She and sir always banter.

Her: "No! I'm not talking to you!"
Sir: "Well, *explains something*"
her: "Oh so..."
Sir: "Yeah and-"
Her: "Don't talk to me!"

My lords we have fun F.Maths Lessons...

Even this that I've just remembered:
Someone said that there was a mathsy think like university challenge. The person mentioned above suggested we get jackets if we enter.
Sir put forward the notion of having:
"Mr (Teacher's name)
Integrate"
:smallcool:

He is such a cool teacher.

[Castaras]

Another one of our classmates, really is quite silly at times.
She and sir always banter.

Ooo, that reminds me of a kid in my maths class(The same kid arguing about loughs and lochs), who always banters with sir. Although sir hates this kid so much.

As in, with one of my classes he was covering, he walked in, and stopped, shocked, staring around the room.

"Oh my gods...Oh wait. Phew. Thank goodness. Thought [kid] was in this class for a second there."

I'm so glad I have this maths teacher for the third year running. :smalltongue:

[Exachix]

Hehe.

It's more, playful, banter in F.Maths. =D

[The J Pizzel]

So I'm in my Ethics in Mass Media Class in college (which is pointless because the media has no ethics) and the class is debating on wether games like Dead or Alive and Lara Croft set a bad example for women. Saying that it gives younger girls negative complex.

Me: I'm not saying its not wrong, I'm saying there's nothing you can do about it. The media is going to release something that sales. If insanely well endowed women in bikinis and tights shirts is what sales that's what their gonna make. Society as a whole has laid down the foundations for what is sexy and what isn't. And there gonna make what's sexy. Now, individuals may have a different idea of what is attractive and not; but society as a whole has made it adundantly clear what is and isn't.

Teacher: So your telling me that a thin girl with big breasts is more attractive than a large girl with a bunch of pimples? (one of the stupidest statement I've ever heard)

Me: According to society and the image that the media provides, yes.

Teacher: Well, I don't see how you agree JP because I've met your wife and she doesn't meet those requirements.

(pin drop) (akward silence) (everyone staring at me to see what I do)

Me: If you'll excuse me, I'm going to see the Dean.

The teacher had to formally apologize in front of the whole class. Oh, and I "aced" that class with minimal effort after that. And the funniest thing of all, my wife was on the friggin college dance line, she is 100 lbs and made of pure hotness. Turns out she thought I'd married a girl whom I was dating freshman year. Whom, IMO, was equally attractive.

[Skippy]

I had this Physics professor once, he spent all the class bantering... It was really funny.

We once talked with him about Brownian Movement, and in some point of the conversation someone mentioned Stephen Hawking and how he maybe had Brownian Movement if he was submerged in water. It was a very funny thing to imagine.

And there was another professor who was just plainly mad. He would arrive at the classroom singing, and greet everyone in French. And then, if the class ended in the middle of one of his explanations, he would curl into a little ball on the ground and stay there for a couple of minutes.

He was awesome.

Oh, and another professor I had. He gave me Research Methods. Once I found him outside a classroom where there was a pandemonium. I asked him what was going on inside, since apparently it was their class hour. He said to me "They are the Humanity Studies Area. They lack oxygen. Leave them alone"

He evidently didn't like that group.

[Naleh]

i ended up on the pro side of cannibalism debate with my teacher (needless to say i was largely alone)
or maybe it was the time i ended up defending the nazis. now that got weird fast. (devil's advocate I do well)

I once ended up defending Hitler with my Science teacher against another student. Actually, that's happened several times with different people. (No, I'm not a Nazi, I just like taking wierd stances in debates.)

Just a couple of days ago, I discussed one of my English teacher's dreams (as in while she was sleeping, not as in something she's always hoped for) that one of the other students - the best student in the class, in fact - had "an accident" while doing the Formal Writing portion of the upcoming exams, and they had to call paramedics.

And then there's my old Humanities teacher. He was a great guy. We've had discussions on pretty much everything. I'm still disappointed Rome was outvoted by Egypt.

I loved my Intermediate-school teacher, too. She taught me to be a GrammarNazi. I wish I could've got the hang of her French too.

And Science at the start of high school was... interesting. We learnt more (level-appropriate) science from our relievers than him, because we always fell into class-wide debates and discussions. Car engines, fashion, evolution, termites, computing, Einstein, sociology, black holes, silk-making... I don't actually remember many, which is probably a mental defence mechanism to prevent me from falling down in laughter every time I go to Science.

[Exeson]

I get into many strange conversations with my Latin teacher (who also teaches me Ancient Greek). Once I managed to tell him the 'Its not the size that counts, its how you use it' talking about a certain part of a man's anatomy. The best part? It was relevant to the conversation we were having. :smalleek:

[Castaras]

And I have no idea why I forgot to mention my Geography Teacher.


He is so weird. And so awesome.

Lets see...He tells us these silly stories that has happened to him or clsoe friends, he has loads of toys in the class we're sometimes allowed to mess around with...

Ooo! And he also goes play golf with some of the other teachers sometimes. Recently, one of the teachers he plays golf with sent one of the students in our class with a plastic bag to our Geog teacher.

Kid: Sir. [Other teacher's name] said for me to give this to you.
*opens bag and gives toy axe to*
Kid: He said its for when you shoot the ball into the trees.

Another time...

Kid: Sir. I have another present for you from [Other teacher's name]
Geog Teacher: Oh no...
*opens bag and gives toy diver*
Kid: It's a model of you diving into the pond to get your golf balls out.

He is so awesome. :smallbiggrin:

[Mordan]

Please remember that typing used to be a prerequisite for graduation....


My typing teacher in HS was dating the Head Coach (who was also a Gym teacher) and would use students in her class to run love letters to him.

Once she lost a bet on the outcome of a football game and had to come to school dressed in an all red leather outfit. Thankfully she was a very very good looking teacher. She however, forgot that the was the day for Teacher pictures for the yearbook. It was a very popular yearbook that year.

My Advanced History teacher in HS told us about the time he almost lost his job because he forgot that he had a felony conviction on his record. When he was 16, him and his best friend skipped school to go to a Cub game. A foul ball was hit and he jumped the wall to get it. He was arrested and convicted of felony traspassing.

[Syka]

Tuesday in my Greek History lecture we found out the Miletus was the ancient world's largest exporter of dildos.

Needless to say, the class perked up as the rest of the period was spent talking about 'frustrated' women, and why it was that the men weren't doing anything. :smallwink:

I usually can't stand the class, but I swear- that ONE lecture made the whole semester worth it.

Cheers,
Syka

[Midnight Son]

Needless to say, the class perked up as the rest of the period was spent talking about 'frustrated' women, and why it was that the men weren't doing anything. :smallwink: *Volunteers for the part of doing anything*

in the general sense, not specifically with Syka, seeing as she already has a volunteer for said duties.

[darkblade]

[science teacher] Global warming is happening because every human is creating an increasing amount of green house gasses and at the rate the worl population is growing even if everyone reduced their green house gas emissions by half we would still be well on our way to "The Day After Tomorrow". The best way to prevent this is to increase the death rate enough that the birth rate isn't so drastic. [/science teacher]

Yep I was told to kill people to help stop global warming.

[Syka]

[science teacher] Global warming is happening because every human is creating an increasing amount of green house gasses and at the rate the worl population is growing even if everyone reduced their green house gas emissions by half we would still be well on our way to "The Day After Tomorrow". The best way to prevent this is to increase the death rate enough that the birth rate isn't so drastic. [/science teacher]

Yep I was told to kill people to help stop global warming.

Technically, it's true that that would be the best way to reduce green house gas emissions. :smallwink: Doesn't mean it would be right, but it's true.

MS, I'm sure plenty today would volunteer. ;-) Unfortunately, most men in that time period were at war or spent all their time in politics and with their 'protege'. This of course is only applicable to the upper-middle classes. The lower and some middle classes were generally satisfied because when the man came home, he didn't have a boy to mentor. Hehe.

And thanks for the offer. My volunteer is showing up tomorrow. :smallamused: Not for that, but that's an amusing nickname now....I wonder how confused he would be if I called him my volunteer...I must test this....

Cheers,
Syka

[The Extinguisher]

<insert entire Chem class here>
Really, I can't pick out anything that's exceptionally funny.

Actually, I can. Just the other day, my Chem teacher beat up a kid in the class. He (the kid) said he would win, so they had a fight in front of the real class, and my teacher grabbed his arm and pinned him to the wall in no time.

It was hillarious.

[The Pink Wonder]

My chemistry teacher once spent about half a lesson showing my class his nuclear fallout suit he had in his cupboard, and telling how we were all going to die when there was a nuclear holocaust, whilst he would survive.

Although he did promise to avenge us...:smalleek:

[Rogue 7]

College, a year before I arrived. Medieval re-creation group centered around bopping one's nearest and dearest over the head with foam padded swords. Highlander Week. Armed at ALL times. Yes.

Exasperated literature teacher repeats her claim to the class, that fantasy and science fiction can NOT be counted as literature! Group stands, draws swords, presents polearms. "I'd like to object to that statement," says one lady with a shortsword.

What school is this and when can I transfer to it?

[Castaras]

Actually, I can. Just the other day, my Chem teacher beat up a kid in the class. He (the kid) said he would win, so they had a fight in front of the real class, and my teacher grabbed his arm and pinned him to the wall in no time.

It was hillarious.

Our old ceramics teacher did that. Wrestled with one of the boys and beat him easily.

The scary and maybe slightly disturbing thing is that this guy is in his 50s/60s...

[Quincunx]

Eh, the homepage was last updated just after the last member of that group graduated (it has a webring link, for crying out loud), so I feel safe saying that it's now a defunct group.

*****

Now, if we're straying into teacher-teacher confrontations conversations, it's story time!

As my class percolated through the school, we rode a wave of retiring and newly appointed teachers. We heard all the stories of When I Was Your Age, we were subjected to the oldest handwriting techniques and the newest educational focus groups, and we were secondary to the greatest generational conflict of middle school.

She was on the cusp of retirement: well-voiced, opinionated, feisty, tyrannical, loved or hated. He was a new teacher: casual, popular, too cool to teach, crushed upon by every female. Their classrooms were joined by a wall which was removable for bigger gatherings and soundproof to most people, with a connecting door between the rooms. This was not adequate.

"He used to be a nice, well-mannered young man, but now he's turned into a young PUNK!"
Like the joke wall of Laugh-In, the door would open.
"Hello, Mrs. B., how are you doing today?" Winning grin. Hand creeping towards the thermostat.
"I am doing just fine thank you and KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF OF MY THERMOSTAT!"
Which he did not. "You're letting these poor kids freeze in here, Mrs. B!" Another grin, a wave, the door would shut, and next door's lesson would get inexplicably louder--as would ours.

[Shas aia Toriia]

I once argued with a teacher on how zombies are technically living things.

[Leather_Book_Wizard]

I once asked my maths teacher if a thunderbolt was going to hit me if I got a problem wrong. He said he'd left his thunderbolt at home. The next day a brought him one.

[Ceika]

I've got tons of these kinds of stories, but Lets start with the foreign language category:
In French class (after my homework paper was "slightly" damaged - upper corner torn off - because I was goofing off with some friends during lunch hour and one of them stepped on it as another grabbed the paper). The teacher went desk to desk collecting the papers, and stopped at my desk, looking at the ripped up paper. (forgive me, my French is a bit rusty, but I'll do my best to capture the conversation.)

Him: qu'est que ce passe a ton devoir? What happened to your homework?
Me: Erm.... (thinks) Mon ami mange mes devoir? erm... my friend ate my homework?
Him: (blinks a few times.) Quoi? What?
Me: C'est vrai! Mon ami mange mes devoir! It's True! My friend ate my homework!
Him: Uh... et por quoi? Uh... and why?
Me: Parce-que... je mange il devoir? Because... I ate his homework?
Him: (pauses again, a curious look on his face, as though he's afraid to ask) D'accord.... et pour quoi? Ok... and why?
Me: Parce-que c'etait deliciouse! J'adore la matamatique! Because it was delicious! I love math!

He refused to take my paper that day, but because I managed to make him laugh, I aced the assignment anyway.
_____________________________________

Not quite a conversation, but definitely an odd occurrence:

There was a friend of mine in high school who insisted that there was only one phrase worth learning in any language. Regardless of what foreign language he took as his elective (Spanish, I think), he truly believed that his one magical phrase would help him in every situation known to man.
That phrase?
"Help, my head is on fire!"
When last I spoke with that fine young man, he could fluently speak that single phrase in, I believe, about 15 different languages, including Klingon and Tolkien's Sindarian Elvish. Among the more commonly spoken languages, he could say his magic phrase in Spanish, French, German, Russian, Japanese, and Portuguese to name a few.

If that is not enough, this particular young man got the idea to test his theory (about it helping in every situation) and, in the middle of lunch one idle Thursday, he jumped up from the table and commenced to running madly up an down the main corridor of the school. Screaming his magical phrase--rotating through the languages at random--and waving his arms frantically, he passed by one of our Spanish-speaking security guards on duty. The guard watched him pass the first time, but when my friend returned back down the hall on his second or third pass, the guard was ready with a 64 oz cup of water (which he usually carried for drinking). As my friend approached, the guard emptied the cup in his direction. My friend skidded to a halt, now almost completely drenched, thanked the guard, then returned to the table to eat the rest of his lunch like nothing had happened at all. Better yet, the rest of us at the table were the only people in the lunchroom or in the main hall that didn't seem completely shocked at his behavior. We continued through our meal and our school day as normal, and the stunt was never mentioned again.

[Destro_Yersul]

Social Studies class, a couple years back. The teacher for that particular class is awesome.

He spends the first day of class explaining how the year will go. Last thing he says before the bell is this:

"I do tend to talk a lot, so I might go off on a rant sometimes. Especially about hockey. Hockey is my favourite sport. Best way to avoid getting homework in this class is to ask me about last night's game ten minutes before the bell, because I will spend those ten minutes talking about my opinion of it."

[Serpentine]

My history lecturer, David, is truly awesome. In my first year, I was asking whether I'd lost any marks for handing in my assignment late. His response? "Oh don't be silly, that's just an empty threat to get you motivated!":smallbiggrin:
More recently, I was handing in an assignment ridiculously late, as in, after the exam. When I went to talk to him about it, he took me to the administration office and found out what day he absolutely had to get all our marks in by. Enough time before that to let him mark it was my new due date.
This same lecturer would tell us stories about his childhood and uni days. His tutorials, usually himself, maybe one or two other students and a lecturer, went like this.
Turn up.
Have a sherry.
Chat.
Have a sherry.
Write an essay.
Have a sherry.
Chat.
Have a sherry
Write another essay.
Have a sherry.
Chat.
Have a sherry for the road.

His grandmother, who seems to have raised him, sounds like a real old battleaxe. I can't remember anything really that he told us, except that she kept a loaf of bread baked on Christmas day on the mantlepiece all year to keep the mold away.

My high school art teacher, a slightly camp Scottish artist, I think had a real superiority complex. We had a lot of arguments and he teased me a lot because I once had to run forward to grab my landscape before he made the grass pink (I think, if you just put a line he- oh but noOOoo, I'm not allowed to touch (Serpentine)'s work), but I kinda suspect he appreciated having someone close enough to his level to actually butt heads with. For example, I think he was secretly pleased with this exchange:
Teacher, semi-under his breath, on a bunch of tittering girls from his class: Silly (or was it "stupid"?) Jezebels.
Me, slightly shocked: What did you call them?!
because I actually knew what calling someone a Jezebel meant.

In one instance we heard the other art teacher in a neighbouring room going off at his students.
Teacher, in a sing-song voice: That's not how you do it, Mister Veal!
Heh. He was such a vain little prat... Kinda fun, though.

[Iudex Fatarum]

less convorsations than badly done jokes

One math prof I had was explaining why we needed to be able to state the named theorems in the book (so don't need to know the numbered ones)
"If someone comes up to you on the street and says 'Bolzono-Wierstraus' you can then go, 'Aha!!'" for some reason he found this hilarious.
of course this might explain his fear of humans in general, I got him to cower behind his desk because I said hello to him.

The other prof I had tried to tell another joke but this time philosophy
"So Pythagoras was walking down the street one day and his buddy said lets go into that bar over there, Pythagoras said 'I think not' and vanished in a puff of logic" to which a student replied "isn't that decarte" and the prof insisted for about 10 minutes it was Pythagoras. We've never let him live that one down, especialy cause this was a math history class.

[Ravyn]

I once overheard a conversation between a professor and one of the seniors at my college about whether it would be possible to do the Odyssey without gods.

In my intro to fic class, my prof was lamenting how often students will submit to her stories about two drunk frat boys who talk about nothing before peeing into the bushes. "It's inevitable. They'll say stuff that doesn't need to be said, then whip it out. I'm not saying not to do it in general, but if you're going to whip it out, make sure you have a reason!"

She was also the one who, when discussing description that appealed to all senses, used the textures of people's pant legs as an example. Most of us were wearing jeans, but we had one student who was a. wearing a velvet-variant and b. having trouble describing it. "So anyone else want to feel her leg?" my prof asked, then realized what she'd just said. It was particularly amusing to note that this was the same day she'd been teaching her advanced fiction writing class how to do sex scenes.

And then there was my thesis director's response to my coming to him about doing my senior thesis on the possibility of silicon-based life. He finds this stuff interesting, so we end up discussing the potential of higher intelligence and the like for a while, culminating in me quipping, "I can just see some poor confused student in a Creators' society coming back to her Earth project, taking one look at it, grumbling 'But it's only been a millennium! Just like the instructions said! What the heck happened?!' and swearing off lab science."

[hyperfreak497]

A couple good ones from English class that I just thought of.

My ex-girlfriend is in my class, and she and I are quite comfortable making jokes about each other,

(Example:
Random friend: Here's a picture of my dog
Ex-gf: Aw, it's so cute
Random friend: It looks kind of like you, in a cute way
Me (walking by): Bet it makes out like you, too
And we all share a good laugh)

So, in English, we were watching the movie version of A Tale of Two Cities. It had just gotten to the part where Charles Darnay admits his love for Lucie (if you haven't read the book, pretend I just said, a guy said he loved a girl. For the purpose of this post, it doesn't matter who they are).

Me (standing up and yelling): Don't do it, Chuckie! Women just use you then kick you to the curb!
Ex-gf: Thanks, Harry.
Teacher (pausing movie): So young, and yet so bitter...

Okay, maybe not so funny. It was hilarious at the time. Another time, my friend (also in our English class) and I had gotten into an argument the day before, and I wanted to apologize in a meaningful day. Conviniently, our writing assignment for the day was to write about "someone who's important to us", so I wrote about him. The paragraph was about how he helped me out when I needed it, complemented my faults, etc. After I finished, my teacher put on a perfect depressed face, and said, in a beautifully executed sad-but-not-teary voice, "I wish I had friends..." Everyone in the room went silent, then burst out laughing. We still don't know if he was kidding.

[Ceska]

I quite liked today's English lesson.

Student *comes in late, takes seat and proceeds to eat*: "Sorry".
Teacher: "Every time I see you, you are eating, and it's always the same thing".
S: "No it's not, yesterday it was a Wurschtsemmel."
T: "But it's always the same Weckerl, isn't it?"
S: "No, yesterday I had a different Weckerl from today, it was a Semmerl."
T: "Oh, all right then."

We have the rule to not speak German in English class, but I think she breaks it more often than most of us. Or speaks some weird mixture of both.

[acclue_lockheart]

I once had a history teacher that was not only a compulsive liar (irony right there), but was VERY good at it. This also proves how stupid my school can be (please be aware that this is high school, and this is the same person that could NOT identify America on a map XD ). He once convinced the student in that America was discovered by Apes.

He's also convinced people that he was eating a plate of plain ketchup and that it was, in fact, one of the most nutritious foods possible.

I also had a teacher in Middle School once that tried to be as blatantly weird as possible. He always told everyone (EVERYONE!) that his favorite number was 33, he put all kinds of smiley face things all over his room, and he talked to everyone, even other teachers, as if they were little kids (littler kids anyway).

The same teacher kept bottles of ketchup on his desk and whenever we did something wrong (I forget exactly what we had to do) he would take whatever paper we were doing and cover it with ketchup O.o

I wish I could have had actual conversations to put up, but sadly offline I'm an antisocial introvert :P

[Extra_Crispy]

Only one I can think of right now was freshman biology, in college. The lab teacher was a TA (teachers assistant, basically a biology student going for a masters) You were not supposted to have a test in lab, all was covered in the bio lecture tests. For the final though the lab teacher gave us a test. 5 little questions, I dont remember the first 4 but they were very easy. The 5th was

5: Name all the stages of cell division, briefly describe what happens in every stage, spelling everything correctly.
OR
What is the air speed of an unladen swallow?

I got to that last part and started laughing loudly. I asked him if he was serious. He said yes, I could answer either part of the 5th answer. I got very very strong hate glares as I left the room LONG before everyone else laughing the whole time.

I remember another one. My physics teacher in high school. He would always bring in a large thermus with coffee in it every morning. Go into the back room and drink it but come out of the back room smelling of alcohol. He brought in machine that made and transfered static electricity to a metal globe on top, I cant think of the exact name of it. But he would not let us move it out of the farthest corner of the room from the door. So we would make a chain of students from the globe to the doorway, the last one would "greet" any and all students by trying to shake their hands but if that was not possible just by touching them and discharging the electricity. The long chain stopped the jolt from being more than just a slight annoyance but it was still fun. Than the teacher found out, I think the conversation went something like this

Teacher: "you cant shock other students like this, see they are avoiding the whole class room now"
me: "ya well we dont want them looking in here anyway to we" (as the last one in the line and charged)
Teacher "I dont care, no more shocking"
me: "OK, ok fine. We wont shock any students anymore" and I held out my hand like I was going to shake on the deal. He fell for it and got shocked.
Teacher: "Damn it, you said you would not shock anyone anymore"
Me: "No I said no more students, but you are right that was unfair. I wont do it again." at which point I released the had of the person behind me and moved out of the way.
Student behind me: "Ya were sorry" holding out his hand to shake, the teacher fell for it again.
Teacher " (explative deleted) you said you would not do it again"
Me "I said I would not do it again, I cant speak for them" Of course everyone was laughing.

One more. The conversation with my anatomy teacher in high school about how we were going to glue the cat bones from our anatomy disections back together. Ours was the pink panther look. Standing up in a dance positon with a top hat, cane, and painted pink. Lets just say no matter how convincing the arguement was he would not agree to allow us to do that, though he laughed alot

[Pwenet]

I shall have to pull out this one from my old High School days.

It was my pre-calculas class, and the teacher had a thing for the stock market. At this time stock markets were going up and up and up!

Teacher: And so if you can put $20 each week into the stock market, you will make X money. In fact, your assignment is to start investing.

Me: Excuse me, but what happens if stocks go down.

Teacher: They will never go down! Up, they only will go UP! It does not matter were you put the money, it will only go up.

Me: But everything must go back down, especially if things change like technology.

Teacher: Never!

Needless to say I didn't really like that class, for my student brain was still malleable enough to realize that stocks could crash. Last I heard he went into major debt and went gray cause he lost all his money in the stock market.




There was a social studies teacher who him and I had the same twisted sense of humor and during the class would have discussions on school shootings. This was not a good thing, for I was a social introvert back then and several students were scared, even though I have never held a real gun in my entire life. Sadly that was so long ago I can't recall exact quotes.



Finally, there was the one gym teacher who decided that he would take particular amusement in insulting myself and my little sister, contently. She had her own issues, and this teacher had been warned about it before, and I really didn't like him plus didn't like him insulting her. 99% of the other staff went along with this in the gym department (except for a few we both really liked). Senior year in high school he finally said something which prompted the following as we were cleaning out the lockers for the end of the year:

Me: "<Insert vulgar used to describe reproduction> you." *Spoken quietly and calmly*

Entire Class: *Collective Gasp* *Frantic whispering* "Did he just say that!"

Gym Teachers: "What did you say?!?!"

I smiled and walked out as they yelled at me. Within 5 minutes I was at the office for the vice-principle explaining what prompted my little expletive. What made this strange was him shaking his head at me and saying the following:

VP: "You know, what you did was wrong, but I wish I didn't have to do this to you for he had that coming, but we have to give at least the illusion of punishing you."

I had fully expected to get the book thrown at me, but apparently other things were going on in the background. The teacher got yelled at behind closed doors, and for myself instead of being kicked out of school for a week I just had 3 days where I sat in the in-school suspension office and ordered to do schoolwork, which was a joke since I was so far ahead in my coursework I just brought in sci-fi books and read, and went to my computer class since I had to be there in person.

Far too many teachers made positive jokes out of the situation, and those days were a blast.

[Castaras]

Our Geography teacher was ranting in class about how he had to play golf with another teacher who he claimed was bloody awful.

It was hilarious. We got to just sit there and laugh, yelling suggestions on what to do to get this other teacher out of this contest thing.

"Poison his orange juice!"
"He likes Jaffa Cakes! Get rid of his supply!"

Then one person said.

"Sir! Give him a map of where you'll be playing Golf! It'll help him find the ball when he loses it!"

Geography is hilarious.

---

Chemistry:
A random guy in our year has skived off his class by sneaking into our class. Sir notices him. "Get out. You don't have any friends. Nobody likes you."

Our Chemistry teacher is also a football fanatic. So he gives a really hard quiz for us all to do. Girls v Boys. Girls get all the chemistry related questions. Boys get all the football related questions. One of the girls complains.

"Sir! You're being sexist! You're giving us the hard questions, and them lot the easy questions!"
"Well yes."
"Then you admit you're sexist!"
"I'm merely giving you the harder questions because surely you girls with your superior intellect to the boys can cope with them. Must have been wrong, mustn't I?"

This girl was silent for the rest of class.

---

I got "Learning Targets" from my physics teacher a while ago:


To participate more in lessons.
To keep up the good work.
To appreciate my teacher's musical tastes.

This is the physics teacher that specializes in cruel and unusual torture(Cheesy Pop Music).

He taught us all to say:
"What are fingers for?"
"Burning!"

He spent a whole lesson putting us into a seating plan and talking about how awesome our class was. His comment on the seats we chose for ourselves:

"Okay, so you have the geeks on this side of the room, all mixed girl/boy/girl/boy. Very good. But then you have the giggle gang on that table, with all the girls and their makeup and OMG SHOES comments. And then you have the Gay Posse at the back with their footballs and OMG FIT GURLS comments."

-----

Yeah. School can be funny at times.

Edit: Ooo, and another:

I doodle all the time. I was bored in a german lesson, and sat doodling all over my pages. I think I had all my doodles talking to each other. And all I got from my teacher was "=)". I'm so glad she didn't care I doodled...so many teachers do...

[VeisuItaTyhjyys]

A zoology teacher and I end up in very strange discussions. Like her asking me if I wanted to buy one of the 30-some Chinchillas she had purchased to save them from being made into a coat. Or me asking her if the hallucinogenic kind of scorpion is legal to own, just out of curiosity.

[Crispy Dave]

-Edit-
Oh, and it wasn't quite a conversation with the teacher, though I did have to discuss it with him before doing it which was amusing, but I've done an in-class debate to prove that we're all actually in the matrix. I got perfect score out of it and, for all extensive purposes "won" the debate.

that is awsome....

[Paragon Badger]

My math teacher threw chalk erasers at me for being a smartass... :smallamused:

Speaking of my math teacher; he had about a dozen stories about how he almost died; none of them that anyone really believed.

"I used to be six foot two, but now I'm just five foot..." ect.

In middle school, I was known as "Thomas le Terrible" in french class... for being a smartass. I believe my teacher said, "If your going to make swarmy remarks; do it in french at least!"

Ah, that class was the apocalypse.

I had one teacher who I argued with over which one was better: Star Wars or Star Trek.

The same teacher had made a countertheory to gravity and nobody could disprove him or prove gravity. His theory: The force.

[Vampiric]

5: Name all the stages of cell division, briefly describe what happens in every stage, spelling everything correctly.
OR
What is the air speed of an unladen swallow?

Best question ever!!!

African or European? :smalltongue:

[thubby]

He brought in machine that made and transfered static electricity to a metal globe on top, I cant think of the exact name of it.

vandergraph generator. and yes, those things are awesome.

[Syka]

I'm trying to remember some of the conversations from my beginning ancient greek class last term.

*Background: Our main teacher was out, so one of his fellow doctoral students was coming into sub*

T: I'm Todd.
S: Can we call you The Todd?
T: No
S: Okay.

*Through out the rest of the period we called him The Todd*

*When same teachers wife came into sub*

W: As I was leaving the house, Andrew was sitting on the couch with our daughter, both of them in Pajamas, and asked if I could make him breakfast.
Class: *laughter*
S: Yeah, that's Andrew.

*Andrew returns*

S: So, we hear you wanted your wife to make you breakfast while you sat on the couch wearing your pajamas and she went to work.
T: That is patently false. I do not wear pajamas.
Class: *synchronized cringing*
S: For christmas you're getting pajamas!

Cheers,
Syka

[Jibar]

the Gay Posse at the back with their footballs and OMG FIT GURLS comments."

Please please tell me that is what you meant to type.
Pleeease.

[darkblade]

In my "Introduction to Anthropology, Sociology, and Psychology" class we were discussing various groups around the school and a debate sprang up about whether 'Emos' count as a group. The main arguement against this was that Emos don't socialize so they shouldn't be a group. I piped up and countered. "Of course Emos are a group, what do you call Linkin Park's Fan Club." No offence to people who like Linkin Park just playing on the sterotype.

Another time in that class a kid randomly asked the teacher if he wanted to here a statistic about 68% of all men. The stat? "68% of men claim their favourite fantasy is playing patient while their girl plays the role of naughty nurse."

[Castaras]

*resurrect thread*

More maths madness...

*student1 babbling about something*
Sir: Shut up.
Student1: But...
Sir: Shut. Up.
Student1: But sir...
Sir: Shut -
Student1: You're not allowed to say Shut up! It's rude!
Sir: Shut u...Wha?
Student2: It's true sir!
*rest of class sniggering*
Sir: Okay then. *puts on overly posh accent* Close your mouths. Cease vocalizing.

"This other teacher I know is very clever. But very stupid as well. Lets see...He was teaching braille to a class of his, and the Learning support person said she had some braille stuff at home. Next lesson, she brings it in. All this paper with tiny braille letters. And this teacher is so impressed, that at the end of the lesson, he goes and photocopies it."

[Skippy]

That actually had me laughing for a while. Photocopied it...

[Arioch]

1) Teacher talking to me and my friend about D&D (he plays! we were amazed. badminton lessons now much more fun). Our other friend, who doesn't play, butting in with "I know about Materia!" and "What about giant enemy crabs?"
That teacher likes that kid to sit and talk with him now because he finds him so funny.

2) Same teacher discussing the Pros and Cons of having his own facebook fanclub with admin of same fanclub.

3) Physics teacher: "Everytime I open my mouth, some idiot starts talking!"

4) A vehement argument with our RS teacher about fig-tree rights (after studying Mark 11:12-14, in which Jesus curses one.

[MrEdwardNigma]

A teacher once told me "You are really too cynical for your age, you know that?". Not that that was a very strange remark to make.

My physics teacher once told us he was breeding an army of clones in his basement, so he'd be able to teach physics at every school in the world some day.

And I had a discussion with my English teacher that lasted two lessons. She claimed Edgar Allan Poe had never written a novel. So I said "But, miss, I've read it". It got here pretty angry. She claimed it was probably a short story. So i told here it was more than two hundred pages. She got angrier and told me it wasn't a novel unless the cover said it was a novel, which is ridiculous, really, because how many novels has a cover that affirms they're a novel?
Fortunately though, this book did, in fact, confirm on it's front page it was a novel. So I brought it to class the very next lesson. It stands to reason that only made her angrier, off course. If I'd been having any problems with English, I probably would have just gone ahead and pretended whe was right, but I had a very high grade, so I could afford it.

[Trog]

Bunch of Art Students standing around getting a critique by a professor:

Professor: "Well I really like this drawing. It looks like you can reach out and touch it. But in a surreal way. You know? Reminds me of that bad tasting cactus. Whatsitcalled?"

*silence from students, quizzical looks*

"Peyote! That's it. That stuff makes you feel like you can reach out and grab the moon." *makes grabbing motion*

:smalleek: :smallbiggrin:

[Shishnarfne]

And I had a discussion with my English teacher that lasted two lessons. She claimed Edgar Allan Poe had never written a novel. So I said "But, miss, I've read it". It got here pretty angry. She claimed it was probably a short story. So i told here it was more than two hundred pages. She got angrier and told me it wasn't a novel unless the cover said it was a novel, which is ridiculous, really, because how many novels has a cover that affirms they're a novel?
Fortunately though, this book did, in fact, confirm on it's front page it was a novel. So I brought it to class the very next lesson. It stands to reason that only made her angrier, off course. If I'd been having any problems with English, I probably would have just gone ahead and pretended whe was right, but I had a very high grade, so I could afford it.

I thought that Poe didn't quite finish his novel(s). I think that I've read them, but I don't recall them ending. That might explain your teacher's confusion... Am I mistaken on this one?

[Ichneumon]

My English teacher once told me I should stop making my homework for English. She wasn't joking....

[expirement10K14]

Well, it was this teacher a few years ago-
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7495798375793782200

He told me if I ever didn't do homework again he would lock me in a room and make me drink coffee for hours, an odd threat.

[MrEdwardNigma]

I thought that Poe didn't quite finish his novel(s). I think that I've read them, but I don't recall them ending. That might explain your teacher's confusion... Am I mistaken on this one?

"The narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym" is not finished in the classical sense of the word, no. Meaning that it does not ahve a denouement. But this is the way Edgar Allan Poe meant it to be. It is even hinted at in the beginning of the book. he had plenty of time to "finish" it, but to him it was finished. Many people who do not know the context and have read the book without this decided he didn't any novels. But this is a misconception, "The narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym" is finished, and a worthy novel. Mind, this is not only my opinion, I've read a lot about the subjects and every single literary critic that has looked into the subject agrees.

Also, I have another strange quote from a teacher. See, my literature teacher talks very awkwardly, pauzing a lot, even in the middle of his sentences. basically, he says three words, breathes deeply, says another three, and then has to stop to breathe again.
Recently, while he was holding a lecture and we were about to pauze, he said: "But that aside - we will continue - later - For now - I will - give you some time - to catch some breath". Yeah, we couldn't stop laughing and had to leave class to make sure he didn't notice. I don't think the guy was joking either.

[jmaccabeus]

Just about every conversation I have with one of my professors ends up strange, simply because I'm strange and they are too. It would be too long to relate all of them, and since there's so many I actually don't remember most of them, they're almost routine by now. :smallbiggrin:

[Pyrian]

My English teacher once told me I should stop making my homework for English. She wasn't joking....
I was once sent home from a Psych 101 final because my class grade was so high I'd have a solid A even with a zero on the final. :smallcool:

[Syka]

I was once sent home from a Psych 101 final because my class grade was so high I'd have a solid A even with a zero on the final. :smallcool:

My second semester in college it was after the last class for my Anatomy and Physiology class (about two hours later) and I was with my mom at the bank when HER cell phone rings. It was my teacher calling to say I didn't have to take the final because my grades were so good (I forgot I had given her cell number on my info sheet). Best I can tell is he didn't want to let us know in class so that people wouldn't feel slighted.

I've had a few teachers like that where if you have X grade you don't need to take the final. In fact, they usually tell you not to. Less grading for them. I love college.

Cheers,
Syka

PS- Linkin Park isn't emo. :smallyuk:

[Serpentine]

Also, I have another strange quote from a teacher. See, my literature teacher talks very awkwardly, pauzing a lot, even in the middle of his sentences. basically, he says three words, breathes deeply, says another three, and then has to stop to breathe again.
Recently, while he was holding a lecture and we were about to pauze, he said: "But that aside - we will continue - later - For now - I will - give you some time - to catch some breath". Yeah, we couldn't stop laughing and had to leave class to make sure he didn't notice. I don't think the guy was joking either.
A guy I went to primary school talked like that. Not long before I got to the school, someone hit him in the throat with a rock, I guess half-crumpling his... oesophagus? No, that's the food one... You know, the air tube. trachea. Anyway, did he have any marks on his neck or something? Could've just been an injury of some sort.

[Stormzen]

We had this awesome substitute in English once. We went from discussing the books we read for class to how to build swing sets, drive-by shootings, why people don't want you to grow up, and hockey. We had him for a week, and surprisingly, got all the work done that the teacher left for him.

Edit: Last year, my science teacher was retiring, so I wrote "So long, and thanks for all the fish" on his whiteboard. This year, my science teacher started asking what time, life, and the universe were. I calmly raised my hand, and answered 42. I was a bit surprised when he asked "You like the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy too?" So as the rest of the class was experimenting, we discussed the different versions of it.

[Emperor Tippy]

In my senior year my English teacher was my girlfriends sister so we had some strange conversations.

-----
This happened the second week of school.

Her: Tippy, why didn't you get last nights homework finished?
Me: Because doing your sister was more entertaining? *said with a perfectly straight face and as if this was the most obvious thing in the world*
Class: *collectively gasps*
Her: Yes I suppose that is true. Give me the homework at dinner. (we were all going out to eat that night) *she then went on teaching*

[Leper_Kahn]

Class: *collectively gasps*

That must have been so funny for everyone in the class. Almost all of my teachers would get out the ruler if anyone said that. Then again, these were special circumstances.

[Serpentine]

Almost all of my teachers would get out the ruler if anyone said that.
o.O Really? Damnation. Corporal punishment ftw?

[Ceska]

This happened the second week of school.

Her: Tippy, why didn't you get last nights homework finished?
Me: Because doing your sister was more entertaining? *said with a perfectly straight face and as if this was the most obvious thing in the world*
Class: *collectively gasps*
Her: Yes I suppose that is true. Give me the homework at dinner. (we were all going out to eat that night) *she then went on teaching*

3) Physics teacher: "Everytime I open my mouth, some idiot starts talking!"
Those two are two of the funniest things I've read all week. I think that thread makes my day every time right now.

Our physics class last year was a number of indiscreet sexual innuendos, Carinthian jokes (you know, jokes about the state next to you, only on smaller province level) and outright hilarious situations coming from a nice young teacher. He also was fairly relaxed, good for a student apprentice. We didn't do all that much physics though.

That's all still better than Chemistry though. We have a nice female teacher in her thirties that happens to look quite good. Some seem to skip the innuendo part mid class. I think she doesn't take him seriously, otherwise we'd have sexual harassment charges.

[AslanCross]

I teach the equivalent of 8th and 10th grade. For 8th grade it's just grammar and general literature, while for 10th grade it's Asian lit.

Our high school is a science school. Instead of numbers, it has the nerdiest names ever for sections. 8th grade sections are gemstones, 9th are local flowers, 10th are elements of the periodic table, and 11th are sub-atomic particles.

My girl students like giving bizarre codenames to their crushes. There was one first year student who was being particularly evasive about someone whom she called "Pie," whom I knew to be an unidentified someone from a third year section.

Me: Who is Pie, anyway?
Girl: (with a big smile) Mister Banana!
Me: ...?!?!
Girl's friend: Well, it's because he's uh...
Me: ...you've got to be kidding me.
Girl: No, sir, it's because he's "rich in potassium!"

Apparently this guy was from a third year section and had "well-muscled legs" or something to that effect.

Other examples of codenames I've heard: "Calvin," "Hobbes," and "The Giant Peach." I learned eventually that these were all the same guy. Each codename was used by a different girl to prevent people from finding out that they were all crushing on one guy.

----

I was discussing the Analects of Confucius with a third year section. One of the analects was discussing the Succession Dance and comparing it with the War Dance.

While I was going around the room observing their group discussions, one of the guys stood up and err, presented his posterior.
Him: "Sir, would you like to see the Seduction Dance?"
Me: *holds up fists* Would you like to see the War Dance?

----
The following aren't really conversations, but you could say that tests are a form of communication nonetheless.

A co-teacher of mine teaches Western Lit to 4th-year students. On a long test about The Inferno:
Another term for falsifiers of truth:
<student's answer> "Linguists."

Another term for falsifiers of metals:
<answer> "Blacksmiths."

Falsifiers of persons:
<answer> "Illegal recruiters."

Falsifiers of words:
<answer> "Philosophers."

The punishment for Simonists (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simonists):
<answer> Put in a room full of art critics and forced to sell art pieces.

The punishment for sowers of scandals:
<answer> Put on the set of a gossip show and gossiped about for all eternity.

----
On a vocabulary test:

Item: "Many politicians have mastered the art of changing their colors. They are called political __________." (should have been chameleons)
Answer: "Abominations."

My boss and my co-teachers told me that I should seriously consider it since it was true, anyway.

[MrEdwardNigma]

A guy I went to primary school talked like that. Not long before I got to the school, someone hit him in the throat with a rock, I guess half-crumpling his... oesophagus? No, that's the food one... You know, the air tube. trachea. Anyway, did he have any marks on his neck or something? Could've just been an injury of some sort.

Not noticably, no. But then again, I always sit in the back of class, and I wear glasses. Can't realy say I've ever bother to check out his neck either :smalltongue:

[Shishnarfne]

"The narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym" is not finished in the classical sense of the word, no. Meaning that it does not ahve a denouement. But this is the way Edgar Allan Poe meant it to be. It is even hinted at in the beginning of the book. he had plenty of time to "finish" it, but to him it was finished. Many people who do not know the context and have read the book without this decided he didn't any novels. But this is a misconception, "The narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym" is finished, and a worthy novel. Mind, this is not only my opinion, I've read a lot about the subjects and every single literary critic that has looked into the subject agrees.


I don't remember reading that one, necessarily... I found a collection of Poe's short stories and poems, and I thought it had a few of those fragments included. Maybe that one was in the separate collection of his essays... Or it could be that I've forgotten. It's been a couple years.

[MrEdwardNigma]

I don't remember reading that one, necessarily... I found a collection of Poe's short stories and poems, and I thought it had a few of those fragments included. Maybe that one was in the separate collection of his essays... Or it could be that I've forgotten. It's been a couple years.

I think you'd remember this one. It's about 200 pages long, see?

[Trog]

o.O Really? Damnation. Corporal punishment ftw?
There was a teacher when I was in 4th grade that had a cricket bat-type-thing hung up in his room which read: Board of Education. Always threatened to use it. Never did to my knowledge.

[Shishnarfne]

I think you'd remember this one. It's about 200 pages long, see?

There were over a 1000 pages of Poe... I don't think I even had to renew it from the library, I read it that quickly. I remember two fragments: one of a search for a northwest passage, and the other an Antarctic expedition (I remember Poe didn't think there was land at the pole, similarly to Verne).
This one might have been in there, I frankly can't remember.

Oh, well, this gives me a good excuse to go back and re-read that volume (if I can find a copy near me). It's been at least five years... maybe I'm due for another Poe overdose.

[Cruxador]

I have so many of these...

Okay, several years ago I had this journalism teacher. He did weird stuff all the time. So this one time he challenged a student who was on crutches to a race. The student fell down about half way, and the teacher won.
Another time he brought in a computer that he said he'd got from his friend. So anyway, is was booted up, put next to the other computers and about five minutes later the screen saver came up. Surprise! it was porn.
A different time he pulled out a guitar and serenaded one of his students. It was parodical, but subtly so, and the student thought he was serious. The teacher ended up getting in trouble over that.

My math teacher is pretty unusual as well. he calls everyone by their last names all the time. He doesn't let anyone say any bad words or anything even close. Instead of any alchoholic beverage he says "Pepsi" and he does the quotes and everything. You cant say nothing that starts with 'F' and ends with 'uck', not even 'Firetruck' or 'flying duck'. If you do it's 40 minutes mandatory 'Hanging Out Time'. He got one of the bes behaved students for saying firetruck once, when the fire alarm accidentally went of and a fire engine came to the school. Her name was on the board when her parents came to back to school night.
He does ever class in the same format and every portion starts with the exact same shpeal. Seriously, I can remember them all and transcribe them exactly. He also has General question the shpeal for which is as follows "This would be a great time ti segway into: General questions. That's questions about life, the universe, anything, any question you want to ask [Teacher's name] at all, well PG13 and under" and then he answers questions which are mostly about his life. he's done some crazy stuff.
Actually, he does a bunch of things which could stand on their own in here. when a student walks in late he'll change what he's talking about so the think they've missed something important. When anyone else comes in he'll talk about how to make a bomb or talk in japanese or run hide somewhere or something.

[Ranis]

Me: "But what can I DO with it?"
My Ethics Professor: "You can stick it in an office and wave it around saying, "Pick me! Pick me!" until someone invites you in."


Of course, I was asking her what I could do with a degree in Philosophy.

[evisiron]

History class, covering trench warfare. The teacher had us flip over the tables and spend the entire class taking notes as if we were in the trenches! We had to move between the front line and communication bunkers... it was cool! Icing on the cake was that he had us roll up paper into 'bullets' and hurl then at anyone entering the door ("Even if its the principle?" "Especially if its the principle!"). Poor student came in late and got bombarded :smallbiggrin:

This was the same teacher who would punish people by making them right 500-1000 word essays describing the inside of a ping pong ball.

Good times. He was our only really cool teacher.

[evisiron]

He does ever class in the same format and every portion starts with the exact same shpeal. Seriously, I can remember them all and transcribe them exactly. He also has General question the shpeal for which is as follows "This would be a great time ti segway into: General questions. That's questions about life, the universe, anything, any question you want to ask [Teacher's name] at all, well PG13 and under" and then he answers questions which are mostly about his life. he's done some crazy stuff.
Actually, he does a bunch of things which could stand on their own in here. when a student walks in late he'll change what he's talking about so the think they've missed something important. When anyone else comes in he'll talk about how to make a bomb or talk in japanese or run hide somewhere or something.

Saaaaay, by any chance is that Mr Agnew of Wellignton College Belfast in Northern Ireland?

If not, then I had a teacher who say the exact same thing!

[Ceska]

History class, covering trench warfare. The teacher had us flip over the tables and spend the entire class taking notes as if we were in the trenches! We had to move between the front line and communication bunkers... it was cool! Icing on the cake was that he had us roll up paper into 'bullets' and hurl then at anyone entering the door ("Even if its the principle?" "Especially if its the principle!"). Poor student came in late and got bombarded :smallbiggrin:
I hope he covered or at least noted the battle of the trench. One should know the milestones of human warfare after all.

Of course, our history lessons are crap and we don't really do anything. Thus I either read a book or annoy my teacher with nitpicking. And then I go and ace tests I don't learn for, that's the upside of the story.

[RelentlessImp]

There was a teacher when I was in 4th grade that had a cricket bat-type-thing hung up in his room which read: Board of Education. Always threatened to use it. Never did to my knowledge.

o.O Did you ever attend Davy Crockett Elementary, New Public or New Prospect in Lawrence County, TN? I remember a teacher like that at one of those schools...

[Alarra]

I had an odd....awkward conversation with one of my teachers last year. She'd left the room for a few minutes to go to the bathroom, and while she was gone a friend of mine and I began discussing things that had occurred over our breaks.

Teacher walks back in to the middle of the conversation: 'What're we talking about....new boys?"
Friend: *grinning* You could say that.
Me: err...
Teacher: (to me) You went to visit your boyfriend over the break, didn't you?
Me: Um...yes.
Teacher: How was that? Have fun?
Me: I suppose so.
Friend is trying not to burst out laughing here.
Teacher looks at her: That's not the guy you're talking about, is it?
Friend: Nope!
Teacher: (looking at me) So, what's the deal? He cuter? Better kisser than your current guy?
Me: *stares*
Teacher: *awkward laugh* Right, boundaries...sorry...carrying on then.. *continues lecture*

[phoenixineohp]

History class, covering trench warfare. The teacher had us flip over the tables and spend the entire class taking notes as if we were in the trenches! We had to move between the front line and communication bunkers... it was cool! Icing on the cake was that he had us roll up paper into 'bullets' and hurl then at anyone entering the door ("Even if its the principle?" "Especially if its the principle!"). Poor student came in late and got bombarded :smallbiggrin:

This was the same teacher who would punish people by making them right 500-1000 word essays describing the inside of a ping pong ball.

Good times. He was our only really cool teacher.

That is AWESOME!

I never really had awesome teachers in high school. I had one in elementary, for science. He let us do interesting and challenging stuff and had a tendency to talk about things that were amazing and way off topic, like hazard pay for Alaskan oil workers.

One in high school that I really liked had just gotten out of teachers college and was more of a friend then a teacher. He was a blessing that helped get us through that damn system. Great artist and fantastic guy.

An English teacher I had let us leave class to get tea or coffee from Timmies. As long as we didn't get caught. :smallbiggrin: She was the sweetest woman ever. Even the rough, 'bad students' treated her well out of respect for how nice she was.

Other than that, and a few others who were nice enough to be friends, all the notable teachers were totally and completely crazy. So any weird conversations I remember center around that for the most part. :smalleek:

[Emperor Tippy]

An English teacher I had let us leave class to get tea or coffee from Timmies. As long as we didn't get caught. :smallbiggrin: She was the sweetest woman ever. Even the rough, 'bad students' treated her well out of respect for how nice she was.

My Psychology teacher was very laid back. Well we (the students in the class) would usually send 1 kid off to McDonald's at least once a week to get fodo for the rest of us to eat in class. The teacher realized this, called the kid on hsi cell phone, and had him pick up some food for himself.

[Sewer_Bandito]

We were talking about the book the Great Gatsby in english today, and we had this conversation:

Student: So he owns a mansion in West Egg and has an apartment in New York?

Teacher: Yeah, it's kind of like his lover's pad, so he can see his mistress.

Student: Does he live there or just stay there for awhile?

Teacher: He usually just pops in and out, I guess.

Me: Literally.

[Castaras]

Please please tell me that is what you meant to type.
Pleeease.

Just noticed this...

Yes. Yes I did mean to say that.

Our Physics teacher rocks. :smallbiggrin:

[AslanCross]

History class, covering trench warfare. The teacher had us flip over the tables and spend the entire class taking notes as if we were in the trenches! We had to move between the front line and communication bunkers... it was cool! Icing on the cake was that he had us roll up paper into 'bullets' and hurl then at anyone entering the door ("Even if its the principle?" "Especially if its the principle!"). Poor student came in late and got bombarded :smallbiggrin:

This was the same teacher who would punish people by making them right 500-1000 word essays describing the inside of a ping pong ball.

Good times. He was our only really cool teacher.

...that is an excellent idea. I shall honor your teacher by ripping his ideas off in my classes.

[Negoblle2]

well i talked to my band teacher about how aids got started up....he said the government released it to kill of all the african whores but i said it was when humans sarted to have mad monkey sex with...monkeys....:smallbiggrin:

[Gaelbert]

My spanish teacher told this to one of his students today:
"You know everytime you cme in here I'm going to ask you to take off your shirt- I mean hood."

[Arioch]

This was the same teacher who would punish people by making them right 500-1000 word essays describing the inside of a ping pong ball.

We have a teacher who does that. Also makes them write ones on "The Importance of Cheese in Contemporary Society" and "The Sex Life of a Dalek"

He's a Chemistry teacher, though...

[CurlyKitGirl]

Too many to fully desribe, but out of seven lecturers only one of them is dull. I think she is the living personification of beige. Anyway, one that comes to mind is this:

In Classical Civilisations we're about to start The Iliad. And for us to understand the merits of a hero we gave Jon (lecturer) some heroic qualities:
Can make fire
Inspirational
Compassionate
Magical powers etc.

Then we listed some heroes:
Spiderman
Joan of Arc
Ghandi
The cast of Heores
etc

We then began to argue about how many of the fictional heroes really existed and whether their powers were real.
Suddenly Jon says, "Well, Joan of Arc is a heroine and she was certainly inspirational and she made fire." After about half a second we burst out laughing.

Another time in tutorial with Guy (lecturer) we were introducing ourselves and could say what we did over the holidays. We could also make up stuff if we wanted to. One guy, can't remember his name said, "I performed open heart surgery on my nan while circumcising a camel with my teeth." Then he, Guy and therest of us argued about whether it was possible. We concluded eventually that it was.

And once in Medieval History we ended up arguing with the lecturer about whether or not Henry VII was actually a human. we crossed topics like MP and the Holy Grail; Douglas Adams, Star Trek, possible scientific evidence and she was forced to conclude that there's a small chance that there was.
We also managed to get from a debate about Henry VII's foriegn policy to the Spanish Armada and to modern day America crossing thropugh The Sompsons and various cartoons.

[wadledo]

I don't know if it's weird, but my psych teacher was having us make lists of what we want to do with our lives, and the first on my list was

1. Construct a mighty squirrel army, one that will sweep across the continents like a wave of furry death.
So the teacher, 4 other students out of a class of 20, and I started discussing the logistics of such a thing.
We agreed that a "bird of prey" army might do some damage, but the flying breeds would eventually take them down.