Looking to make some friends

[quinron]

Hey everybody, I've been trying to get more social lately because even before the world closed, I was aware I was becoming kind of antisocial. Problem is - and this is related to why I was getting that way - my social comfort progresses in a way that makes it hard to meet people the way most people seem to. I can be comfortable around new people as long as there's someone familiar there too, but I only feel familiar with someone if we've had some one-on-one conversation.

I've never made any friends online; recently I tried to do so on a Discord server for a Patreon subscription, but no luck. I've had some really positive board interactions lately, and I already know I've got at least something in common with the folks posting here, but I find it really hard to feel like I'm getting to know someone when I'm posting in a public forum. I was wondering if anyone could either direct me toward a board here or a forum somewhere else or even a Discord server that might be oriented toward getting to know people in a way that suits my social comfort; alternatively, if you've interacted with me on the board or have looked in my recent posts and think we might get along, feel free to PM me.

Though if you are trawling my old posts, do me a favor and ignore some of my crappy views from a couple years back; I had a pretty major change in outlook in mid-2018 (which coincided with me stepping away from gaming and this board for quite a while) that led to me becoming a lot more empathetic.

[TexasSkiandFish]

What hobbies do you have?

I am pretty antisocial as well and the only way I make friends is by identifying people with shared interests.

At any time I only have a few friends and I may only see them 5-10 times a year, but that is fine with me.

[J-H]

1)
Shared interests and activities is the way to go. D&D, {Scrubbed}, shooting, regenerative agriculture, homeschooling are my top 5. I can have long (30+ minute) conversations on those topics easily without pumping the well dry. Some of this is also dependent on your environment. When I lived in the suburbs, nobody wanted to talk about anything outdoor or agricultural-related. Now that I'm out in a rural area, it's a lot easier to find people with interests similar to mine.

2)
Become an interesting person. Read or listen to educational materials and work to retain them (homeschooling tactic: narrate something aloud after you've read/listened to it; if you spend 8 minutes retelling and summarizing a 30-minute lecture, you will retain quite a bit). You can make yourself into someone who's interesting to talk to and knowledgeable, and thus more respected.

3)
Be going somewhere. Have goals in your life and be working towards them. Other people who are journeying in the same direction as you will be easy to talk to as you have shared values/goals/interests.

4)
Take care of yourself. Body odor, diet, hair, skin, hit the gym to lose fat and bulk up some. When you feel and look better, you will have more self-confidence, and people will be more open to talking to you. First impressions and looks do matter for social status; you can't change your height, but you can change almost everything else by taking better care of yourself.

5)
Be willing to take the first step in exchanging numbers, suggesting getting together to hang out/watch a movie/grab coffee/play Halo/whatever.

As part of the above, consider finding some local classes (assuming you're not in a lockdown state) and take them - martial arts, pottery-making, tai chi, hunter safety, first aid, whatever. They're another way to get out and meet people, potentially repeatedly and over time, to build relationships with.

[quinron]

What hobbies do you have?

I am pretty antisocial as well and the only way I make friends is by identifying people with shared interests.

At any time I only have a few friends and I may only see them 5-10 times a year, but that is fine with me.

I'll PM you!


As part of the above, consider finding some local classes (assuming you're not in a lockdown state) and take them - martial arts, pottery-making, tai chi, hunter safety, first aid, whatever. They're another way to get out and meet people, potentially repeatedly and over time, to build relationships with.

Heh. This was my plan. In February 2020. It did not go so well.

[Stonehead]

I was in a similar boat, I noticed myself becoming reclusive, so I made an active effort to go out and actually meet people. Then boom, COVID. I'm pretty much back to square one, but I keep telling myself I'll be better again when the lock down is all over.

[javianhalt]

Good for you man!
I hope you find many friends here

[Lvl 2 Expert]

Shared interests and activities is the way to go. D&D, {Scrubbed}, shooting, regenerative agriculture, homeschooling are my top 5.

I know that given the forum rules this was probably some everyday activity to do with religion or politics (probably religion), but it looks really suggestive like this.

[JeenLeen]

Volunteering can also be a neat way to meet people. Like a soup kitchen or similar thing. I enjoyed that in college and my early professional days.
If you have a hobby that requires interaction, like card games, that's another method.

Sadly, for most things I feel like it's a long-term effort to actually manifest as friends. Let's say you play Magic: The Gathering (or learn it) and go to a local hobby shop for tournaments; maybe over weeks you get social with some players and get coffee afterwards or something, but that takes time. D&D one-shot games could work similar.
Same with volunteering: you work closely with folk for a goal, but it can be hard to get to socially interacting outside of it or even talking non-business during the activity.

Some folk might be able to do it quicker, but I'm extremely shy in social interactions I'm not familiar with, so I find it difficult unless a shared interest comes up easily.

All-in-all, though, I like J-H's advice.
An anecdote: I was learning guitar, mostly to be a more attractive mate, but also because I wanted an interesting hobby that wasn't nerdy and wanted to do something musically creative. When I came home from practice one night (living in an apartment complex at the time), I ran into a guy and his buddy who also did guitar. They asked me about it since I was holding my guitar, and we got to talking and started to practice together sometimes. Don't know if it really came to the level of friends -- we didn't have any interests outside guitar -- but it was surprisingly outside-my-usual-comfort-level experience that went incredibly well.