Need Jokes So Bad They Inflict Psychic Damage

[Sparky McDibben]

Working on a villain for a one shot. I'm using the mind flayer statblock, but reflavoring as a human bard exiled for his terrible jokes. So I need 4-6 truky terrible jokes. The kind that are funny, but you feel awful for laughing at.

Any takers?

[BlueHydra]

Just Google Dad jokes. Or Adam Sandler.

[heavyfuel]

One-liners is what you're after.

Most jokes take too long to properly pack their punch in combat. One-liners, though, are literally one phrase

[LudicSavant]

Working on a villain for a one shot. I'm using the mind flayer statblock, but reflavoring as a human bard exiled for his terrible jokes. So I need 4-6 truky terrible jokes. The kind that are funny, but you feel awful for laughing at.

Any takers?

1) What do Tabaxi Monks eat before a race?
Nothing. They fast.

2) My father told me I'd never amount to anything because I procrastinate. So I told him: "Just you wait!"

[NRSASD]

Someone even stole my limbo bar. I was like, “Man, how low can you go?!”

[Spriteless]

A skeleton ran into a club

What's worse than an insult from a goblin?
A burn from a dragon

[StoneSeraph]

I'd tell you a joke about Orion's Belt...

...but it's only a three-star joke.

[kingcheesepants]

What do you call a gnomish Divination Wizard on the run from the law?

A small medium at large.

[LudicSavant]

What do you call a gnomish Divination Wizard on the run from the law?

A small medium at large.

O_O

I'm just glad I have Mind Blank up.

[kingcheesepants]

O_O

I'm just glad I have Mind Blank up.

Hehehe thanks, I liked your tabaxi monk joke too.

I'm a big fan of bad jokes. Oh that reminds me of that time in the summer when we asked our wizard to cast gust on us continuously. I asked him what he thought of the idea and he said he's not a fan.

[Sigreid]

I believe there is a Murdered by words reddit

[Starbuck_II]

Working on a villain for a one shot. I'm using the mind flayer statblock, but reflavoring as a human bard exiled for his terrible jokes. So I need 4-6 truky terrible jokes. The kind that are funny, but you feel awful for laughing at.

Any takers?

What’s the best name for a man who can’t stand? Neil.

What’s the action like at a circus? In-tents.

Why did the scarecrow get promoted? Because he was outstanding in his field.

What do you call a fish with no eye? Fsh.

Did you hear about the mediocre restaurant on the moon? It has great food but no atmosphere.

[Silpharon]

What do you call a gnomish Divination Wizard on the run from the law?

A small medium at large.

That's actually pretty cute. I might have to use that one. :)

[Sethv007]

So this is a little bit of a rewrite of your villain but what if he was exiled because he truly would not shut up? Use Letterkenny chirps for every word out of his mouth. Basically just make him Shoresy.
"You call that a Magic Missle? Give your wand a tug."

[Unoriginal]

Working on a villain for a one shot. I'm using the mind flayer statblock, but reflavoring as a human bard exiled for his terrible jokes. So I need 4-6 truky terrible jokes. The kind that are funny, but you feel awful for laughing at.

Any takers?

"I thought my jokes were bad, but then I heard you saying you could take me down."

"What's the difference between Asmodeus and in-laws? You're not married to Asmodeus's child."

"What does the lawyer say when their main witness was eaten by an ooze? The proof's in the pudding."

"What's the difference between a fool and a jester? Well you can be fooled by an empty jester, but you can't be jestered by an empty fool."

"Dragons are pretty untrustworthy: no matter what you do, they always get back on their hoards"

[Aett_Thorn]

Just read an amazing account of a 13th-Century siege. The attackers killed the duke's son, knocking him from the battlements with a peasant's severed head fired from a trebuchet, the first recorded instance of a serf-face-to-heir missile.

[jaappleton]

What do you call a gnomish Divination Wizard on the run from the law?

A small medium at large.

This joke inflicted Feeblemind on me.

[VonKaiserstein]

Why do skeletons run when clerics turn them?
They've got no guts.

Why'd the skeleton get fired from sumo wrestling?
Too skinny.

What do skeletons and pirates have in common?
They keep anything precious in their chests.

What should you do if you find a wild skeleton dog?
Leave it abone.

What does a skeleton call it when you miss?
A marrow escape.

Why couldn't the skeleton lie?
It lost it's fibia.

What do skeletons use to make pancakes?
A scapula.

Why can't skeletons spell Hawaii?
They'd need two eyes.

What do teams and skeletons have in common?
No eyes.

Why am I telling so many skeleton jokes?
I find them humerus.

What's the difference between a skeleton and a pirate skeleton?
1 foot.


If you give the jokes a theme, they get exponentially more funny, and more terrible.

[Unoriginal]

Why'd the skeleton get fired from sumo wrestling?
Too skinny.


It was too bone-headed.

[Azuresun]

What does a Bulette call a monk wearing Boots of Speed?

Fast food.

Did you hear the joke about the INT 3 halfling? I won't repeat it here.

It's not big and it's not clever.

A paladin, a lich and an awakened bear all walk into a bar. The barman says

"What is this, some sort of joke?!"

[Bloodcloud]

Monkey Island swordfighting is a treasure trove of great comeback too...

https://monkeyisland.fandom.com/wiki/Insult_Sword_Fighting

[arnin77]

I second the one-liners, lots of them on-line.

I started using Henny Youngman and Rodney Dangerfield one-liners for Hideous Laughter:

“I’ve been married for 38 years and I’m still in love with the same woman. If my wife finds out she’ll kill me!”

[Hairfish]

Are you cold? Then go stand in a corner ... It's always ninety degrees!