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Bartmanhomer
2021-03-31, 11:03 PM
Hey everybody. I got some exciting news to tell you. Yesterday I play the lottery and I won 2.5 billion dollars. The numbers were 30, 1, 17, 21, 4, and 5. I'm so glad that TV chooses the right number. I've never been so happy in my entire life. :smile:

Fyraltari
2021-04-01, 04:27 AM
Wow! Congrats you

It's an April Fools.

asda fasda
2021-04-01, 05:08 AM
Another year, another billion, great !

Murk
2021-04-01, 05:38 AM
But did you get any sweet autographs recently?

Iruka
2021-04-01, 05:45 AM
Congratulations, Bartmanhomer!

You are one of the luckiest persons I know!

Eldan
2021-04-01, 05:47 AM
That's great. Hey, can you send me some money? My car just exploded after colliding with an elephant and I really need it. Like, half a million or so, that's such a low percentage, you would barely notice.

Peelee
2021-04-01, 06:23 AM
That's great. Hey, can you send me some money? My car just exploded after colliding with an elephant and I really need it. Like, half a million or so, that's such a low percentage, you would barely notice.

Ask for a few million, because you need to pay me back for damaging my elephant.

snowblizz
2021-04-01, 06:30 AM
No giant check? I don't believe anything until I see an image manipulated giant check.

Eldan
2021-04-01, 06:50 AM
Ask for a few million, because you need to pay me back for damaging my elephant.

Look, your elephant was backing out of a side street without warning lights.

snowblizz
2021-04-01, 07:37 AM
Look, your elephant was backing out of a side street without warning lights.

But I clearly heard it tooting.

janetJ
2021-04-01, 09:03 AM
Really or April fool? :smallcool:

truemane
2021-04-01, 09:17 AM
Really or April fool? :smallcool:
April Fool. Bartmanhomer always makes an April Fool's thread.

DavidSh
2021-04-01, 09:17 AM
Was that Zimbabwean Dollars? They had a hyperinflation going up to the beginning of 2009, when they effectively abandoned that currency. There was even a 100 Trillion Dollar note, just before the end.

Peelee
2021-04-01, 09:30 AM
April Fool. Bartmanhomer always makes an April Fool's thread.

Well, the billion dollars is. But Eldan rear-ending my elephant is no laughing matter.

Mystic Muse
2021-04-01, 09:48 AM
Well, the billion dollars is. But Eldan rear-ending my elephant is no laughing matter.

I don't know, I'm definitely laughing about it.

Tvtyrant
2021-04-01, 09:52 AM
Well, the billion dollars is. But Eldan rear-ending my elephant is no laughing matter.

This version of the story is truncated.

Eldan
2021-04-01, 09:54 AM
I'm just saying. Just because you painted an elephant in black and white stripes doesn't make it a street legal zebra.

Dire Moose
2021-04-01, 09:57 AM
You’re lucky! I only got one million dollars from helping out that Nigerian businessman who had to flee the country to escape religious persecution.

Peelee
2021-04-01, 10:04 AM
I'm just saying. Just because you painted an elephant in black and white stripes doesn't make it a street legal zebra.

Regardless, the elephant was not in a vehicle and thus was a pedestrian, granting automatic right-of-way.

Though really, an elephant typically always has right-of-way.

Keltest
2021-04-01, 10:11 AM
Regardless, the elephant was not in a vehicle and thus was a pedestrian, granting automatic right-of-way.

Though really, an elephant typically always has right-of-way.

I'd wager Eldan's car wasnt in a vehicle either. Would that make it a fist fight on the street?

Peelee
2021-04-01, 10:13 AM
I'd wager Eldan's car wasnt in a vehicle either. Would that make it a fist fight on the street?

Elephants are not known to lose fist fights. I don't know who would win, but elephants don't lose.

Keltest
2021-04-01, 10:22 AM
Elephants are not known to lose fist fights. I don't know who would win, but elephants don't lose.

Im pretty sure that a fistfight between a car and an elephant is the kind of fight that everybody loses except the spectators. And maybe them too if they get too close.

Rater202
2021-04-01, 10:24 AM
Elephants are not known to lose fist fights. I don't know who would win, but elephants don't lose.

I'm pretty sure you need fists to participate in a fistfight. Elephants don't have hands, thus no fists.

And yes, elephants always have the right of way. April fool's jokes aside, there are several countries where elephants live wild where "elephants have the right of way" is codified into law.

Unless there's a dragon. Then the dragons have the right of way.

Anonymouswizard
2021-04-01, 10:32 AM
I'm pretty sure you need fists to participate in a fistfight. Elephants don't have hands, thus no fists.

Yes, but do you trust yourself to win the fistfight you caused by pointing this out to the elephant?

ziproot
2021-04-01, 10:37 AM
Hey everybody. I got some exciting news to tell you. Yesterday I play the lottery and I won 2.5 billion dollars. The numbers were 30, 1, 17, 21, 4, and 5. I'm so glad that TV chooses the right number. I've never been so happy in my entire life. :smile:

Oof. Better luck next time.

The Glyphstone
2021-04-01, 10:53 AM
That's great. You might be interested in a speculative venture I've been trying to find backing for, a mission to recover lost pirate gold from bottom of the ocean. I just need 10 million in start-up costs, but it's guaranteed to return at least 10 billion worth of gold and jewels, and you can have half of the profit. That's a 5000x rate of return on your investment!

Peelee
2021-04-01, 10:57 AM
That's great. You might be interested in a speculative venture I've been trying to find backing for, a mission to recover lost pirate gold from bottom of the ocean. I just need 10 million in start-up costs, but it's guaranteed to return at least 10 billion worth of gold and jewels, and you can have half of the profit. That's a 5000x rate of return on your investment!

It's not there anymore, actually. My diving elephant found it.

Also, your projected ROI is off by an order of magnitude.

Rater202
2021-04-01, 11:06 AM
Yes, but do you trust yourself to win the fistfight you caused by pointing this out to the elephant?

No, not right now.

However, soon I shall start a year-long process which will culminate in my apotheosis into an immortal dracomorphic embodiment of Hellish Fire and Eldritch Darkness.

Then I'll be able to win all the fistfights. All of them.

Peelee
2021-04-01, 11:20 AM
No, not right now.

However, soon I shall start a year-long process which will culminate in my apotheosis into an immortal dracomorphic embodiment of Hellish Fire and Eldritch Darkness.

Then I'll be able to win all the fistfights. All of them.

Just like my diving elephant did last year!

Tvtyrant
2021-04-01, 11:35 AM
Just like my diving elephant did last year!
In my mind this has slowly morphed into the tandem psychic war elephant from adventure time.

Peelee
2021-04-01, 12:04 PM
In my mind this has slowly morphed into the tandem psychic war elephant from adventure time.

That was actually based on my diving elephant. Were still in the middle of a lawsuit over character likeness rights.

The elephant is a good lawyer.

Tvtyrant
2021-04-01, 12:06 PM
That was actually based on my diving elephant. Were still in the middle of a lawsuit over character likeness rights.

The elephant is a good lawyer.

Yeah but the bills to hire him are mammoth...

The Glyphstone
2021-04-01, 12:07 PM
It's not there anymore, actually. My diving elephant found it.

Also, your projected ROI is off by an order of magnitude.

Your diving elephants can't get to the crush depth that my Mecha-phaunt 9000 diving-bots can reach.

Peelee
2021-04-01, 12:14 PM
Your diving elephants can't get to the crush depth that my Mecha-phaunt 9000 diving-bots can reach.

Maybe not but your bots cant dive as gracefully as my Olympic-medal-winning-in-diving elephant!

Scarlet Knight
2021-04-01, 12:24 PM
Well, the billion dollars is. But Eldan rear-ending my elephant is no laughing matter.

I believe the following anecdote is appropriate for Forum rules, April Fools, and rear-ending elephants.

When my daughter was little, my wife & I took her to see the elephant at the zoo (while one still can).
As I went for popcorn, they visited the elephant and my daughter asked my wife “What’s that long thing on the elephant?” My wife answered: “That’s his trunk.” “No Mommy, the other long thing.” “Oh that’s his tail.” “Nooo the long thing underneath.” Flustered, my wife said “Oh that’s nothing, sweetie.”

When I returned my daughter decided to try her luck with me for a better answer.

“Daddy, what’s that long thing on the elephant?” I answered: ”That’s his trunk.” “No Daddy, the other long thing.” “Oh that’s his tail.” “Nooo the long thing underneath.”

I answered the only way a father could and said, “Ask your Mother.” To which my daughter stated that she already did. “And what did she say, honey?” “Mommy said it was nothing.” I turned to my blushing wife and said “You have to understand, sweetheart. You mother’s been spoiled.”

Peelee
2021-04-01, 12:36 PM
When my daughter was little, my wife & I took her to see the elephant at the zoo (while one still can).

To be serious for a moment (which I rather dislike), zoos ain't circuses. Modern zoos are primarily geared towards conservation (with robust programs like interbreeding cooperation to help endangered animals maintain a healthy gene pool, for example), and elephants will not be disappearing from zoos anytime in the foreseeable future.

ziproot
2021-04-01, 01:49 PM
Just like my diving elephant did last year!

Does your elephant have a diver's license? Everyone knows that anyone who lets their elephant dive without a license has to pay a $5 million fee.

snowblizz
2021-04-01, 01:50 PM
To be serious for a moment (which I rather dislike), zoos ain't circuses. Modern zoos are primarily geared towards conservation (with robust programs like interbreeding cooperation to help endangered animals maintain a healthy gene pool, for example), and elephants will not be disappearing from zoos anytime in the foreseeable future.Clearly you've not met the rather vocal young people who feel very strongly about the subject of animals.
Also a circus is exactly what a modern zoo is. Just without clowns. Or ninjas. Or clown ninjas.


I turned to my blushing wife and said “You have to understand, sweetheart. You mother’s been spoiled.”
One day she'll be old enough to understand that joke. And you'll regret it when paying for the therapy.


Your diving elephants can't get to the crush depth that my Mecha-phaunt 9000 diving-bots can reach.
That sounds exactly lik C-rate movie form the budget horror section. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mega_Shark_Versus_Mecha_Shark
Movies that make the Sharknado franchise look positively mainstream.


That's great. You might be interested in a speculative venture I've been trying to find backing for, a mission to recover lost pirate gold from bottom of the ocean. I just need 10 million in start-up costs, but it's guaranteed to return at least 10 billion worth of gold and jewels, and you can have half of the profit. That's a 5000x rate of return on your investment!Oh I think I saw that show on National Geographic already. Are you oen of the Lagina (spelling?) brothers, Rick and Marty?


I'm pretty sure you need fists to participate in a fistfight. Elephants don't have hands, thus no fists.

Clearly you've not heard of the Neophant (https://www.ovalkwiki.com/index.php/Neophant).

Cazero
2021-04-01, 02:20 PM
and elephants will not be disappearing from zoos anytime in the foreseeable future.
I think the (while one still can) thing was about that pandemic thing every youngun is blabbering about these days. Back in my days, we had our pokeymans and we catched them uphill in the snow, dagnabit.

Anonymouswizard
2021-04-01, 02:31 PM
To be serious for a moment (which I rather dislike), zoos ain't circuses. Modern zoos are primarily geared towards conservation (with robust programs like interbreeding cooperation to help endangered animals maintain a healthy gene pool, for example), and elephants will not be disappearing from zoos anytime in the foreseeable future.

This, a zoo's primary functions as far as I understand them are ) help conserve animals and 2) get people excited about animals. There will of course be zoos with questionable methods and motives, but I think it's unfair to apply such labels to all of them.


Clearly you've not met the rather vocal young people who feel very strongly about the subject of animals.
Also a circus is exactly what a modern zoo is. Just without clowns. Or ninjas. Or clown ninjas.

To be serious for a moment, I have family in the circus business, and I believe technically in the clowning business (but only family friends as clowns or ninjas). From a modern perspective of the industry it's mostly untrue, circus these days is about human endeavours.

As for zoos being like '[classic' circus in the putting animals on display, it depends on the zoo you're talking about and how you're defining circus in this instance. While I'm not happy with how many zoos keep their animals in relatively small cages, but by circus standards the animals are incredibly well looked after and it's not universal (I know of zoos with relatively large and open enclosures).

The real issue here is animal performance shows, which are still orders of magnitude better than they were back in the days of animal circus. The real question here should be what animals can be included in shows ethically, and if the answer is none then I'll happily never see another sea-lion show.

Yes, there is a valid argument for leaving animals in their natural habitat and not setting them up in zoos, but I also think there's an argument for zoos being used to raise awareness of animal issues and help get children and adults into more animals.

Also if you've never seen modern circus I highly recommend it. Find yourself a smaller show, I personaly recommend one with contact juggling, or watch street jugglers occasionall. Some of the stuff you can see is amazing, and the first time I heard Mongolian throat singing was at a juggling show.

Eldan
2021-04-01, 02:32 PM
Yeah, our local zoo just built a gigantic elephant enclosure. Like, so big that most of it can't be seen from outside it.

Peelee
2021-04-01, 03:05 PM
Does your elephant have a diver's license? Everyone knows that anyone who lets their elephant dive without a license has to pay a $5 million fee.
Fortunately, my diving elephant is not a driving elephant. :smallamused:

I think the (while one still can) thing was about that pandemic thing every youngun is blabbering about these days. Back in my days, we had our pokeymans and we catched them uphill in the snow, dagnabit.
Ohhhhhh, that makes much more sense. In that story, the elephant was kind of the elephant in the room, so I instantly thought of that framing instead of covid issues.

Clearly you've not met the rather vocal young people who feel very strongly about the subject of animals.
I am one of those rather vocal young people who feel very strongly about the subject of animals.

Well, for loose definitions of "young", anyway.

ziproot
2021-04-01, 04:10 PM
Fortunately, my diving elephant is not a driving elephant. :smallamused:

Then what were they doing on the road? :smalltongue:

javianhalt
2021-04-01, 04:17 PM
Congrats on your april fools billionaire i guess lol

snowblizz
2021-04-01, 04:38 PM
This, a zoo's primary functions as far as I understand them are ) help conserve animals and 2) get people excited about animals. There will of course be zoos with questionable methods and motives, but I think it's unfair to apply such labels to all of them.




I am one of those rather vocal young people who feel very strongly about the subject of animals.

Well, for loose definitions of "young", anyway.

The people I am talking about do not make considered judgement calls. Animals + cages = bad, always. And that's the end of thought.

Peelee
2021-04-01, 05:01 PM
Then what were they doing on the road? :smalltongue:
When one walks on a road, their status becomes "pedestrian". :smallwink:

The people I am talking about do not make considered judgement calls. Animals + cages = bad, always. And that's the end of thought.
Ah. Extremists.

Eldan
2021-04-01, 05:19 PM
But what if you then ride the elephant? What are you then? A pedestri-equestrian?

Peelee
2021-04-01, 05:22 PM
But what if you then ride the elephant? What are you then? A pedestri-equestrian?

What am I then? Awesome, that's what.

snowblizz
2021-04-01, 05:23 PM
But what if you then ride the elephant? What are you then? A pedestri-equestrian?

Pachydermian naturally. Like riding a horse makes something equestrian.

ziproot
2021-04-01, 06:01 PM
When one walks on a road, their status becomes "pedestrian". :smallwink:

So the elephant was jaywalking, then. You know the rules, the first person that catches you gets a $4 million reward from the offender.

Peelee
2021-04-01, 06:08 PM
So the elephant was jaywalking, then.

Or was it? Road crossings exist, and jaywalking laws in Birmingham are different than you might expect. In fact, it sounds like you are trying to maliciously prosecute my dear diving elephant. J'ACCUSE!

ziproot
2021-04-01, 06:29 PM
Or was it? Road crossings exist, and jaywalking laws in Birmingham are different than you might expect. In fact, it sounds like you are trying to maliciously prosecute my dear diving elephant. J'ACCUSE!
:smalleek:

Dire Moose
2021-04-01, 07:20 PM
To be serious for a moment, I have family in the circus business, and I believe technically in the clowning business (but only family friends as clowns or ninjas).

Do you happen to know any ninja clowns? Because the thought of those actually existing terrifies me.

Rater202
2021-04-01, 10:35 PM
So the elephant was jaywalking, then. You know the rules, the first person that catches you gets a $4 million reward from the offender.


Or was it? Road crossings exist, and jaywalking laws in Birmingham are different than you might expect. In fact, it sounds like you are trying to maliciously prosecute my dear diving elephant. J'ACCUSE!

April Fools aside: Jaywalking is only a crime because of a dedicated push by various lobbyists representing the automobile industry to get laws changed to clear out the roads and encourage people to buy cars.

Before, most roads and streets were built for pedestrian traffic and cars were guests on the road. If a car hit a pedestrian, it was assumed by default that the driver of the vehicle was responsible unless it could be proved otherwise.

Jaywalking laws are a combination of victim-blaming(blaming people using the streets as intended for being injured by people using the streets as not intended) and that episode of Hey Arnold where the kids clear out a community-owned vacant lot so they have a place to play baseball and then the adults in the community immediately take it over and ban the kids from playing there so that they can use the space for their own things.

Of course, nowadays many decades later "roads are for cars" is so engrained that overturning that particular bit of garbage would be dangerous.

Khedrac
2021-04-02, 02:20 AM
April Fools aside: Jaywalking is only a crime because of a dedicated push by various lobbyists representing the automobile industry to get laws changed to clear out the roads and encourage people to buy cars.
And that deends on the country - it's not a crime for most roads in the UK.

I tend to think of it as "The car has the right of way in most cases, but that said, the driver really has to make sure that (s)he does not hit the pedestrian".
There is also talk of chaning the law to give pedestrians the right of way which I consider a mistake - too easy for them to deliberately block traffic.

Back the the thread - some food for thought - all these elephant jokes roc.

Anonymouswizard
2021-04-02, 04:49 AM
So the elephant was jaywalking, then. You know the rules, the first person that catches you gets a $4 million reward from the offender.

I mean, jaywalking isn't a crime in sensible countries. So I'm sure Peeler is fine.

Unless the elephant was drunk. It's still known that you can't be in control of a human (or dragon) while under the influence of alcohol.

Fyraltari
2021-04-02, 04:59 AM
I mean, jaywalking isn't a crime in sensible countries. So I'm sure Peeler is fine.

Peeler probably is, but Peelee does not live in a sensible country.

Cazero
2021-04-02, 05:59 AM
Do you happen to know any ninja clowns? Because the thought of those actually existing terrifies me.There is at least one (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgOu6QCF9ec).

Anonymouswizard
2021-04-02, 06:13 AM
Peeler probably is, but Peelee does not live in a sensible country.

And my attempt at subtlety does right out the window. Tasted far too strong,l maybe I'll use less leaves next time.

Eldan
2021-04-02, 06:23 AM
Well, elephants aren't subtle, especially when they are inside rooms. I hope you learned a lesson.

Osuniev
2021-04-02, 06:48 AM
And that deends on the country - it's not a crime for most roads in the UK.

I tend to think of it as "The car has the right of way in most cases, but that said, the driver really has to make sure that (s)he does not hit the pedestrian".
There is also talk of chaning the law to give pedestrians the right of way which I consider a mistake - too easy for them to deliberately block traffic.

Back the the thread - some food for thought - all these elephant jokes roc.

Interesting. As far as I know, here in France pedestrians still have the right of way, unless there's a crossing zebra less than 50 meters away (in which case they only have right of way in the zebra).

The way I was taught was that "the car is what makes the road dangerous, so it is the driver responsability to manage the dager, not the pedestrian".

Fyraltari
2021-04-02, 06:55 AM
There is at least one (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgOu6QCF9ec).
I don't remember that bit, what test is it from?

Interesting. As far as I know, here in France pedestrians still have the right of way, unless there's a crossing zebra less than 50 meters away (in which case they only have right of way in the zebra).


Or if it's the road that cuts their path rather than the opposite (meaning you've reached the end of the sidewalk).

Cazero
2021-04-02, 07:25 AM
I don't remember that bit, what test is it from?
The Beat'em up.

Keltest
2021-04-02, 08:01 AM
Interesting. As far as I know, here in France pedestrians still have the right of way, unless there's a crossing zebra less than 50 meters away (in which case they only have right of way in the zebra).

The way I was taught was that "the car is what makes the road dangerous, so it is the driver responsability to manage the dager, not the pedestrian".

America is big, so any sweeping generalization is going to be wrong at least somewhere by default, but a general rule of thumb might best be described as "its the driver's job to pay attention, and the pedestrian's job to not run out in front of a moving car."

Peelee
2021-04-02, 08:23 AM
America is big, so any sweeping generalization is going to be wrong at least somewhere by default, but a general rule of thumb might best be described as "its the driver's job to pay attention, and the pedestrian's job to not run out in front of a moving car."

It's not really that were big, it's more that we're basically 50 states that occasionally act as one state. To simplify it past the point of usefulness.

Keltest
2021-04-02, 08:37 AM
It's not really that were big, it's more that we're basically 50 states that occasionally act as one state. To simplify it past the point of usefulness.

I stand by my statement. 50 states is a lot of states. And thats not even counting the parts of the US that arent states.

DavidSh
2021-04-02, 09:08 AM
I stand by my statement. 50 states is a lot of states. And thats not even counting the parts of the US that arent states.
Wait, are you implying that the traffic rules vis-a-vis the relative rights of automobiles and elephants could differ between Pago Pago and Boston?

Peelee
2021-04-02, 09:12 AM
I stand by my statement. 50 states is a lot of states. And thats not even counting the parts of the US that arent states.

Oh, totally. But especially up in the NE there's a lot of states in a tiny amount of land, while the West has very few states in emourmous amounts of land. It ain't the size that complicates things.

The Glyphstone
2021-04-02, 09:24 AM
What if the car is being driven by an elephant?

Peelee
2021-04-02, 09:26 AM
What if the car is being driven by an elephant?

Is the elephant properly licensed?

snowblizz
2021-04-02, 10:04 AM
Is the elephant properly licensed?

Yes.

Elephants stand in line for no man, or the DMV. Also goes for giant gorillas. Their permits are expedited immediately. It's how King Kong got a climbing permit so fat.

Peelee
2021-04-02, 10:07 AM
Yes.

Elephants stand in line for no man, or the DMV. Also goes for giant gorillas. Their permits are expedited immediately. It's how King Kong got a climbing permit so fat.

Fat climbing permits are the best climbing permits.

Lvl 2 Expert
2021-04-02, 04:16 PM
No giant check? I don't believe anything until I see an image manipulated giant check.

I did the last one, it's someone else's turn.

Peelee
2021-04-02, 04:31 PM
I did the last one, it's someone else's turn.

Ill do it once I get my giant check in the mail.

ziproot
2021-04-02, 05:31 PM
Ill do it once I get my giant check in the mail.

Here's your giant check:
https://live.staticflickr.com/7/15537965_8e5e6e148f_c.jpg

EDIT: Fixed it so it isn't breaking the rules on image size.

Peelee
2021-04-02, 05:33 PM
Here's your giant check: https://live.staticflickr.com/7/15537965_8e5e6e148f_c.jpg

EDIT: Fixed it so it isn't breaking the rules on image size.

I dunno, looks pretty normal sized to me.

Also, you can put large images in a spoiler tag without problem!

ziproot
2021-04-02, 05:47 PM
I dunno, looks pretty normal sized to me.

Also, you can put large images in a spoiler tag without problem!

Alright, it's under a spoiler now. Now it hopefully should look giant.

Peelee
2021-04-02, 05:54 PM
Alright, it's under a spoiler now. Now it hopefully should look giant.

Psh. My laptop screen isn't even 18 inches and I can see the whole thing with plenty of room. That is no elephant-sized check for my elephant!

Keltest
2021-04-02, 06:30 PM
Pfft. I get a Giant check every Friday on payday. Much better than the people who get Martin's checks.

ziproot
2021-04-03, 09:10 AM
Psh. My laptop screen isn't even 18 inches and I can see the whole thing with plenty of room. That is no elephant-sized check for my elephant!

Fine. I hope you're happy.

Hosted externally due to file size (https://lainsafe.delegao.moe/files/161745893145043.jpg). Be sure to click on it once to zoom in.

137beth
2021-04-04, 03:32 PM
So last year's BMH April Fool's thread (https://forums.giantitp.com/showthread.php?609710-I-Won-The-Lottery) lasted more than six months. I had planned to snark on October 1 last year that I won "half the lottery" as a play on it being half-way to the next April Fool's Day, but then I forgot.

So we all gotta make sure THIS thread lasts six months:smallbiggrin:

Anyhow, now that BMH is a billionaire (again), can he fund a Pokemon Superhero movie?

Keltest
2021-04-04, 04:29 PM
So last year's BMH April Fool's thread (https://forums.giantitp.com/showthread.php?609710-I-Won-The-Lottery) lasted more than six months. I had planned to snark on October 1 last year that I won "half the lottery" as a play on it being half-way to the next April Fool's Day, but then I forgot.

So we all gotta make sure THIS thread lasts six months:smallbiggrin:

Anyhow, now that BMH is a billionaire (again), can he fund a Pokemon Superhero movie?

Wouldnt that just be Detective Pikachu?

Peelee
2021-04-04, 04:30 PM
So last year's BMH April Fool's thread (https://forums.giantitp.com/showthread.php?609710-I-Won-The-Lottery) lasted more than six months. I had planned to snark on October 1 last year that I won "half the lottery" as a play on it being half-way to the next April Fool's Day, but then I forgot.

You should have gotten a diving elephant. They never forget!

Keltest
2021-04-04, 04:31 PM
You should have gotten a diving elephant. They never forget!

As opposed to Driving Elephants?

Peelee
2021-04-04, 04:33 PM
As opposed to Driving Elephants?

Forgetful jerks, those.

Anonymouswizard
2021-04-04, 05:07 PM
But nobody is as funky as my jiving elephant!

Rater202
2021-04-04, 05:18 PM
Bah, if you don't want to forget, just be a dragon.

Instead of having to remember, you can just sleep for six months and when you wake up you'll remember it like it was yesterday.

Peelee
2021-04-04, 05:21 PM
But nobody is as funky as my jiving elephant!

I heard that one got cut by a kniving elephant.

Anonymouswizard
2021-04-04, 05:32 PM
I heard that one got cut by a kniving elephant.

No, that's just a rumour spread by a conniving elephant.

Peelee
2021-04-04, 05:34 PM
No, that's just a rumour spread by a conniving elephant.

You sure? I'd hate for it to meet a riving elephant.

Mystic Muse
2021-04-04, 05:35 PM
You sure? I'd hate for it to meet a riving elephant.

How about a high-fiving elephant?

Peelee
2021-04-04, 05:47 PM
How about a high-fiving elephant?

I'd imagine that would be reserved for an enterprising elephant.

The Glyphstone
2021-04-04, 05:58 PM
The odds could be calculated precisely by a deriving elephant.

Peelee
2021-04-04, 06:01 PM
The odds could be calculated precisely by a deriving elephant.

Until they're shocked by the surprising elephant.

Keltest
2021-04-04, 06:23 PM
Until they're shocked by the surprising elephant.

Only if he can get past the Supervising Elephant

Peelee
2021-04-04, 06:35 PM
Only if he can get past the Supervising Elephant

I'm afraid that one was run off by the uprising elephant.

Taevyr
2021-04-04, 08:10 PM
I'm afraid that one was run off by the uprising elephant.

At first, but now he's been hidden by the disguising elephant. Does quite an impressive job, having no thumbs and all.

Peelee
2021-04-04, 08:13 PM
At first, but now he's been hidden by the disguising elephant. Does quite an impressive job, having no thumbs and all.

Only to be mocked by the deriding elephant.

Keltest
2021-04-04, 09:43 PM
Only to be mocked by the deriding elephant.

Surely he would have run afoul of the presiding elephant?

Willie the Duck
2021-04-05, 08:01 AM
So we all gotta make sure THIS thread lasts six months:smallbiggrin:

That would be the goal of the Striving Elephant.

Taevyr
2021-04-05, 09:52 AM
That would be the goal of the Striving Elephant.

True, the only desire of that one is to become the Thriving elephant

Peelee
2021-04-05, 11:15 AM
It'd a shame that all of these are gone now. For, as we all know, there is only one lone surviving elephant.

The Glyphstone
2021-04-05, 11:28 AM
It'd a shame that all of these are gone now. For, as we all know, there is only one lone surviving elephant.

For now, at least. It may yet turn out to be a dividing elephant.

Rater202
2021-04-05, 11:30 AM
Nah, it's fine, they've all been cloned by the reviving elephant.

Peelee
2021-04-05, 12:02 PM
But how would they find the hiding elephant?

Taevyr
2021-04-05, 02:35 PM
By performing a quick aerial survey with the help of the gliding elephant, of course!

snowblizz
2021-04-05, 05:23 PM
Sounds like a somewhat eccentric elephant.

ziproot
2021-04-05, 06:20 PM
By performing a quick aerial survey with the help of the gliding elephant, of course!

But the gliding elephant can't see after running into the blinding elephant.

137beth
2021-04-05, 11:42 PM
I wanna ask permission to put as much of this elephant stuff in my extended sig as will fig.

And if I'm not allowed to quote some of it, or if it won't all fit, then compromising elephant will help me trim it down to just what I can get.

Willie the Duck
2021-04-06, 08:02 AM
And if I'm not allowed to quote some of it, or if it won't all fit, then compromising elephant will help me trim it down to just what I can get.

If it won't all fit, could the compromising elephant store the rest of it in a trunk? :smalltongue:

Eldan
2021-04-06, 08:32 AM
What have I done.

I have become elephant, destroyer of this thread.

Peelee
2021-04-06, 08:32 AM
This is starting to sound like a fairly contriving elephant.

Rater202
2021-04-06, 08:40 AM
What have I done.

I have become elephant, destroyer of this thread.

No, you haven't, the thread is set to be destroyed by a dragon about a year from now.

Specifically, me, when I finish my transformation.

And before anyone gets smart, I've already set up countermeasures against the dragon-slaying elephant, the dragon-preying elephant, the dragon-delaying elephant, the dragon-taming elephant, and just in case the organ harvesting elephant.

ziproot
2021-04-06, 08:48 AM
No, you haven't, the thread is set to be destroyed by a dragon about a year from now.

Specifically, me, when I finish my transformation.

And before anyone gets smart, I've already set up countermeasures against the dragon-slaying elephant, the dragon-preying elephant, the dragon-delaying elephant, the dragon-taming elephant, and just in case the organ harvesting elephant.

But unfortunately for you, you forgot to account for the dragon-betraying elephant.

Eldan
2021-04-06, 09:10 AM
No, you haven't, the thread is set to be destroyed by a dragon about a year from now.

Specifically, me, when I finish my transformation.

And before anyone gets smart, I've already set up countermeasures against the dragon-slaying elephant, the dragon-preying elephant, the dragon-delaying elephant, the dragon-taming elephant, and just in case the organ harvesting elephant.

But what if we send a dragon-parleying elephant and negotiate a reprieve?

Taevyr
2021-04-06, 09:10 AM
No, you haven't, the thread is set to be destroyed by a dragon about a year from now.

Specifically, me, when I finish my transformation.

And before anyone gets smart, I've already set up countermeasures against the dragon-slaying elephant, the dragon-preying elephant, the dragon-delaying elephant, the dragon-taming elephant, and just in case the organ harvesting elephant.

How about the most classic of elephants: the dragon-laying elephant?

Rater202
2021-04-06, 09:14 AM
But unfortunately for you, you forgot to account for the dragon-betraying elephant.


But what if we send a dragon-parleying elephant and negotiate a reprieve?
Those would both requiring my being willing to work with or negotiate with elephants. Not making that mistake again.

How about the most classic of elephants: the dragon-laying elephant?

That's a subcategory of dragon-delaying elephants.

Eldan
2021-04-06, 09:17 AM
I see. So we need some kind of Mammoth in Disguise.

Peelee
2021-04-06, 09:32 AM
And before anyone gets smart

That's something you never need to worry about with me. Which, of course, is why I keep around an information-spraying elephant.

Also, stay away from the seas or you might get stopped by a dragon-belaying elephant.

ziproot
2021-04-06, 09:35 AM
Those would both requiring my being willing to work with or negotiate with elephants. Not making that mistake again.


That's a subcategory of dragon-delaying elephants.

What about the dragon-flambéing elephant?

Peelee
2021-04-06, 09:42 AM
What about the dragon-flambéing elephant?

Or the dragon-sautéeing elephant?

Rater202
2021-04-06, 09:50 AM
Before you can cook a dragon, you have to slay it.

Unless the dragon is a maid, in which case it might try to feed itself to you.

ziproot
2021-04-06, 10:17 AM
Before you can cook a dragon, you have to slay it.

Unless the dragon is a maid, in which case it might try to feed itself to you.

Or you slay it by cooking it :smalltongue:

Anonymouswizard
2021-04-06, 10:43 AM
It doesn't matter, his reagents were sabotaged eight months ago thanks to the divining elephant.

You can tell all those on standby to go back to being reclining elephants.

Taevyr
2021-04-06, 10:45 AM
Those would both requiring my being willing to work with or negotiate with elephants. Not making that mistake again.

True, though even you may fall before the arguments of the dragon-swaying elephant. Or bribed by the dragon-paying elephant, educated in their thirst for gold.

Rater202
2021-04-06, 10:51 AM
It doesn't matter, his reagents were sabotaged eight months ago thanks to the divining elephant.

You can tell all those on standby to go back to being reclining elephants.

Unfortunately, the divining elephant's foresight was obscured by the blinding elephant. It's quite a shining elephant.

Peelee
2021-04-06, 10:55 AM
Before you can cook a dragon, you have to slay it.

Usually not when the creature has exterior armor, like crawfish, crabs, or lobsters. Once they are cooked alive, they meet the flaying elephant.

Rater202
2021-04-06, 11:01 AM
...Is elephant posting gonna be the new organ harvesting?

(I lurked for years before making my account.)

Keltest
2021-04-06, 11:01 AM
Usually not when the creature has exterior armor, like crawfish, crabs, or lobsters. Once they are cooked alive, they meet the flaying elephant.

Wouldnt that be the filleting elephant?

Pronounced "fill-lay-ing" for those uncertain.

Peelee
2021-04-06, 11:07 AM
Wouldnt that be the filleting elephant?

The fileting elephant is working with the braising elephant last I heard.

Rater202
2021-04-06, 11:08 AM
Wouldnt that be the filleting elephant?

Pronounced "fill-lay-ing" for those uncertain.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsIyphGp0Vc

...Says the war-declaring elephant.

Peelee
2021-04-06, 11:16 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsIyphGp0Vc

...Says the war-declaring elephant.

You know who will always love Futurama references? Me. And my appreciating elephant.

Willie the Duck
2021-04-07, 08:54 AM
The fileting elephant is working with the braising elephant last I heard.

I'd heard it was the Béarnaising elephant.

Peelee
2021-04-07, 09:05 AM
I'd heard it was the Béarnaising elephant.

That was deemed worthless by the appraising elephant.

Fyraltari
2021-04-07, 04:28 PM
Pronounced "fill-lay-ing" for those uncertain.

Can we talk about how infuriating it is that people trying to work out how to pronounce that through either the French or English rules of pronunciation (well, "rules" as far as English is concerned) would reach the same conclusion, but because it's a loanword it's the wrong one!

snowblizz
2021-04-07, 06:00 PM
Can we talk about how infuriating it is that people trying to work out how to pronounce that through either the French or English rules of pronunciation (well, "rules" as far as English is concerned) would reach the same conclusion, but because it's a loanword it's the wrong one!

Only if you put it in the form of an elephant joke. Says the policing elephant.

ziproot
2021-04-07, 06:10 PM
Only if you put it in the form of an elephant joke. Says the policing elephant.

You don't have to put it in the form of an elephant joke. Just talk to the waiving elephant.

Fyraltari
2021-04-08, 07:24 AM
Only if you put it in the form of an elephant joke. Says the policing elephant.

The overiding elephant says I don't have to.
And the slef-contradicting elephant agrees!

Taevyr
2021-04-14, 08:24 PM
Checking in on this thread, it just felt like it was time for someone to say something before we require the skills of the necromancing elephant.

Anonymouswizard
2021-04-15, 07:28 AM
Checking in on this thread, it just felt like it was time for someone to say something before we require the skills of the necromancing elephant.

Darn, I thought I'd got the reminding elephant to notify me, but it might have been the forgetting elephant.

Peelee
2021-04-15, 07:54 AM
the forgetting elephant.

Such a thing surely does not exist and must be but a thought experiment of the theorizing elephant

Rater202
2021-04-15, 08:02 AM
In all seriousness, where did the idea that an elephant never forgets come from?

Keltest
2021-04-15, 08:03 AM
Checking in on this thread, it just felt like it was time for someone to say something before we require the skills of the necromancing elephant.

But then Peelee would need to bring out the moderating elephant, and nobody wants that.

Fyraltari
2021-04-15, 08:05 AM
In all seriousness, where did the idea that an elephant never forgets come from?

They do have excellent memories and can recognize a(n un)kind human after years.

Anonymouswizard
2021-04-15, 08:25 AM
Such a thing surely does not exist

Has that been proven by the experimenting elephant?

Peelee
2021-04-15, 12:09 PM
But then Peelee would need to bring out the moderating elephant, and nobody wants that.
Me most of all. That things heavy.

In all seriousness, where did the idea that an elephant never forgets come from?
IIRC they do have good memories and can recognize human faces, I think? I know crows can, I think I remember elephants can as well.

Has that been proven by the experimenting elephant?
How can you have a decent experimenting elephant before the hypothesizing elephant?

Willie the Duck
2021-04-15, 12:23 PM
In all seriousness, where did the idea that an elephant never forgets come from?

There is an ancient Greek proverb that goes 'a camel never forget an injury' which is both a literal bit of animal husbandry advice, as well as an ancient equivalent to 'a Lannister always pays his debts.' Late 19th/early-20th century author and playwrite Hector Hugh Munro (Saki) most likely updated that proverb to elephants with his line 'Women and elephants never forget an injury.' in his short story 'Reginald on Besetting Sins' (or at least that's at least a fairly well known instance with no clear previous elephantine antecedent). That IRL elephants do seem to have good memories undoubtedly helped cement the notion in modern parlance.

Or so says the speculating elephant.

InvisibleBison
2021-04-15, 07:36 PM
How can you have a decent experimenting elephant before the hypothesizing elephant?

Presumably through the meddling of the time-traveling elephant.

Taevyr
2021-04-16, 09:44 AM
Presumably through the meddling of the time-traveling elephant.

Let's hope he's careful, we can't possibly hope to succesfully deal with a paradox-inducing elephant

AKA an elepharadox

DavidSh
2021-04-16, 11:52 AM
And yet we have avoided the form of the classic mid-20th century elephant joke:

Q: What's the difference between an elephant and a plum?
A: A plum is purple.
Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants on the path?
A: Here come the elephants on the path.
Q: What did Jane say?
A: Here come the plums. (Jane was colorblind)
Q: What did Charles de Gaulle say?
A: Voila les elephants on the path.
Q: What did the elephants say when they saw Charles de Gaulle?
A: Nothing, elephants don't speak French.
etc.

Anonymouswizard
2021-04-16, 12:25 PM
But have you run those by the jesting elephant?

How do you get four elephants in a mini? Two in the front, two the the back.
How do you get two whales in a mini? Down the M4 and over the Severn Bridge.

Tvtyrant
2021-04-16, 01:04 PM
I was confused by why an April fools thread was still going weeks later, but then I realized: on this forum, when an opportunity to belabor a running joke presents itself, the original topic rapidly becomes irrelephant.

We do not enjoy truncated jokes around here.

BisectedBrioche
2021-04-16, 01:09 PM
I was confused by why an April fools thread was still going weeks later, but then I realized: on this forum, when an opportunity to belabor a running joke presents itself, the original topic rapidly becomes irrelephant.

Elephants are never forgotten.

Taevyr
2021-04-16, 02:34 PM
But have you run those by the jesting elephant?

How do you get four elephants in a mini? Two in the front, two the the back.
How do you get two whales in a mini? Down the M4 and over the Severn Bridge.

Q: How do you get 2 elephants in a fridge?

- You open the fridge, put the elephants in, you close the fridge


Q: How do you get five lions in a fridge?

- You open the fridge, take out the 2 elephants, put in the 5 lions, you close the fridge.


Q: What do you do when a fridge-elephant asks you to let them out?

- Don't believe them, they're Lion.

Scarlet Knight
2021-04-16, 03:45 PM
You are aware you could have fit all of them in the fridge if you had consulted the "Pack-yderm".

ziproot
2021-04-23, 12:31 PM
Q: How do you get 2 elephants in a fridge?

- You open the fridge, put the elephants in, you close the fridge


Q: How do you get five lions in a fridge?

- You open the fridge, take out the 2 elephants, put in the 5 lions, you close the fridge.


Q: What do you do when a fridge-elephant asks you to let them out?

- Don't believe them, they're Lion.

Or they're an elephant pretending to be a lion.

Anonymouswizard
2021-04-23, 12:37 PM
Q. Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
A. So they can hide in cherry trees.

Q. Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
A. See, that's how great it works!

Cazero
2021-04-23, 12:47 PM
Or they're an elephant pretending to be a lion.
Such an obvious scorpio move. They should have tried pretending to be pisces.

Eldan
2021-04-24, 07:10 AM
Q: How do you get 2 elephants in a fridge?

- You open the fridge, put the elephants in, you close the fridge


And how do you tell if there are elephants in your fridge right now?
They giggle when the light goes out.

How do you tell there was an elephant in your fridge before?
They leave footprints in the butter.

Tarmor
2021-05-14, 05:56 AM
I also want to be like that

We could squash you into the fridge too. Please don't sit in the butter.

snowblizz
2021-05-19, 05:14 AM
Honest elephant reported the cheater to the principal.

Anonymouswizard
2021-05-19, 12:56 PM
Sounds like a snitching elephant.

My jiving elephant saysthey're much less useful than a stitching elephant.

Peelee
2021-05-21, 06:06 AM
If you're really mesmerized then it's bread to start away from the bewitching elephant.

Corian
2021-05-21, 05:41 PM
Ah, the classic elephant jokes!
This was my favourite when young.

Q: How does an elephant climb on a 50-ft tall tree?
A: Climbs on the 70-ft tall tree and jumps down.

Q: How does the elephant climb down the 50-ft tall tree?
A: Gets on a leaf, waits for fall

Q: Why are crocodiles flat-headed?
A: Because they sometimes walk under the trees in fall


Now my favourite is a variant on the well known classic:

5 old, wise, blind elephants meet a man.
The first elephant feels the shape of the man, and declares "a man is flat."
The other four agree with him.