Friendship/DnD Problem

[Kaelaroth]

OK.

Apologies if this should be in Gaming, but I wasn't sure.

I play DnD. As do four friends. Let's call them Polededancer, Neural Probing, Stumpy, and Bonnoite.

I showed Polededancer and Neural Probing DnD last year, and we've played a few times since then, they both seemed to enjoy. Bonnoite joined our group recently, and joined in with no problems. However, our real problems arose when Stumpy, a friend, also decided he'd like to try his hand at DnD. I have no particular problems with this, though it makes organising get-togethers hellish (we're all very very very busy). Yet, Neural Probing makes excuses every time for being really late, or just not showing up. His excuses always are valid, but they come fast and furious, and far too late. Due to the fact that Stumpy has yet to play because of this, Polededancer and I are getting rather annoyed. Not really because he can't make it, but because his terrible organisation, and his inability to let us know till about an hour before we're due to start screws us all over. Today we were meant to play at 4pm. After me spending between 10am and 1pm arranging exactly what to do that evening, creating an adventure from scratch, buying supper fo us all, and persuading Bonnoite's mother to let him stay till a reasonable time, Neural Probing rings to tell me he isn't feeling that good - so won't come. I admit he was ill, and can hardly help that, but the fact that he couldn't have told me before I'd gone to al that trouble is really beginning to wear on me. Polededancer wants to chuck him from the group, even though Bonnoite is against it. Stumpy still hasn't got a chance to play, and I am rather annoyed.

What the Baator do I do?

[Tempest Fennac]

If the problem is that they can't organise themselves, fgive them 1 last chance before kicking them out if they don't sort themself out. It's fairer for everyone else who can be bothered to let you know if stuff goes wrong in plenty of time.

[Solo]

Find a new group?

[Kalai_Eljahn]

Be prepared to play even if Neural Probing can't make it. Don't cut him out, just have him come as much as circumstance allows.

[CrazedGoblin]

Find a new group?

thats normally worth ALOT more hassel then its worth

[Kaelaroth]

Be prepared to play even if Neural Probing can't make it. Don't cut him out, just have him come as much as circumstance allows.

D'you mean I should take over his character when he isn't there? Please elaborate.

[Winterwind]

We had a similar problem, too, once. A girl who joined our group, played with us a couple of times, then kept coming up with excuses, only to tell us a couple of months later she didn't have the time and wouldn't come anymore. Cost us a lot of opportunities to play. Don't let that happen to you.

Instead, what I would do if I were you (and what we always do in our group if facing trouble like that), just start a second campaign with the people who always show up. Play this campaign with them, and continue the other campaign whenever Neural Probing can come after all.

[de-trick]

set a game and stick with it, or game when most people can game

[Kalai_Eljahn]

Winterwind's suggestion makes sense, but if you don't have the time to create a second campaign, you can NPC his character/come up with an excuse to take him out of the action temporarily.

[eidreff]

How many times have you had excuses? It sounds to me as though maybe Neural Probing has maybe lost enthusiasm or doesn't want to play anymore. Talk to them and find out a bit more about their reasons for not being able to make it. whether it really is just appalling organisation/lack of consideration to notify you earlier or they really don't want to play anymore I would continue the campaign with the players who do turn up and either play Neural Probing's character as an NPC or "semi-retire" him/her, so that if Neural does show up to a session you can then let them re-join.

It does sound to me though that Neural is not interested anymore and is trying to avoid hurting your feelings by making excuses instead of just telling you.

[crimson77]

D'you mean I should take over his character when he isn't there? Please elaborate.

No, just leave his character in town or if you are in the middle of a quest/dungeon when you start, make an excuse for his character. "Neural Probing's character headed back to town. He realized that he left his gold purse in his inn room under some boards..." Or whatever.

By waiting for him you are sending the message that you cannot have dnd without him. The message you should be sending is, we are going to play with or without you. He will ultimately get his act together, be an occasional character who is a few levels lower, or quit all together.

I believe that you should all him/his schedule make this decision. You do not want to destroy a friendship over his busy schedule and him missing dnd.

One final note: I would not recommend that you play his character as an NPC even if it is a pivotal character. Playing a PC as an NPC can be very harmful for group dynamics and keeping the character constant. The other three characters will just have to make due without the character.

[Winterwind]

By waiting for him you are sending the message that you cannot have dnd without him. The message you should be sending is, we are going to play with or without you. He will ultimately get his act together, be an occasional character who is a few levels lower, or quit all together.Agreed, except that I would suggest asking him first whether he would prefer it that way, or whether he would rather prefer to receive experience even though his character is not present and not actually doing anything.

Because I'm under the impression the OP would prefer a solution which keeps the player, and making the game less fun for him will only lead to alienating him and making him stop altogether.

(This is assuming a second campaign is not an option)

[Vuzzmop]

D'you mean I should take over his character when he isn't there? Please elaborate.

Play a session as though they have there characters there, just not interacting or fighting with anyone. If asked, they are there, just being really quiet. I'm serious about this, you don't need everybody to play.

[Micate]

Turn his character into a narcoleptic, and just have his character lie there in a coma any time he can't make it on time.

[Chunklets]

Pretty much what Micate said. Our current group has 8 players plus a GM, so, as you can imagine, there are a lot of times when somebody's absent. We just find (semi-)creative ways to dispense with absent players' characters for that game:

"Ok, Golgroth the Destroyer is down with food poisoning, and can't go adventuring today. You'll have to get along without her this time."

And so on and so forth.

[Kaelaroth]

OK. Thanks guys. I think we're going to go with the idea of telling him that we'll play with or without him. He's made excuses four times now, and I really, really want Stumpy to get a go at playing. Ta' :smallsmile:

[Serpentine]

Basically the same as others have said, but in our game if only one player's absent, either the DM or even another player takes over the character. The character, unless the adopting player knows it very well, will generally just fade into the background until they're needed for things like skills or battle. The character in question gets their combat experience, while that of the adopter gets all/any roleplay experience from it.

[Exachix]

There's a dork tower strip that this thread reminded me of..


But I can't find it. (if anyone can link me to it I'll hug you)
(IT's the one where Carson is late.
"I was only 5 minutes late!"
"Ah yes, one minute after the death pixies showed up I believe..."
"Can I tell him what they did to his spleen? Can I?! Can I?!" )

Basically, well, the strip says it.

If a player is late/not there/fallen off the planet (delete as needed) GMPC their character.
Usually put him as the tank/squishy person/person who takes all the damage (delete as needed).
Make them almost die/lose most of their equipment/die/lost their equipment/Random fault (delete as needed).

Maybe then they will come to games =D

DISCLAIMER: I was kinda joking...

[Winterwind]

If a player is late/not there/fallen off the planet (delete as needed) GMPC their character.
Usually put him as the tank/squishy person/person who takes all the damage (delete as needed).
Make them almost die/lose most of their equipment/die/lost their equipment/Random fault (delete as needed).

Maybe then they will come to games =DI advise taking this coarse of action only if you wish to alienate the person in question in an elaborate way, and to make them stop playing with you.

Seriously, falling behind because of death, injury and loss, or even only due to not receiving experience, is much more likely to discourage the player in question from playing with you at all than motivating him.

That's not a matter of educating the player, and not a matter of life - they merely play with you to have fun. If they are already missing now and then, what do you think will happen when you try to make the game less fun for them by handing out punishments?

[Extra_Crispy]

We have had the same problem a few times in our game. right now we are having close to that problem with a GM. He GM's the Sunday morning game and has a girlfriend who wants more attention. Since he works during the week in a town that is about 1.5 hours away, I can understand why she wants more time with him on the weekend. But as the GM the game can not go on without him. We are either going to end up playing a different game with a different GM (I really like the game though) or just having to play when he can.

As for when a character cant play, it really depends on how important they are. If they are not very important right at the moments, they go "into the bubble" basically they stayed in town, got an important message from family, doing that research/crafting a magic item they always wanted to but never had time to do. If they are really important (like last week I missed, Im the super cleric healing battery when we were going against the drow BBEG and her guards AFTER already being hurt good and low on spells) then someone plays the character.

We even did XP depending on why you could not make it. If you were "wooped" as in have to work (one friend is in the reserves and has to work 1 weekend every month), or something else you HAVE to do you get full XP as it was not your fault. Sometimes sick falls into this too. If it was you were just missing the game for not important things, "ya I decided to go to the movie instead" then we either game no or 1/2 experience depending on how much choice you had. "the girlfriend was upset about _______, I spent the day with her talking about it" usually earned 1/2 exp as if you wanted to keep the girl then you talked, and no gamer geek is going to tell another to dump a nice girl just so he can hang with his pot bellied buddies. :smallbiggrin:

[Swedish chef]

If one player drops out of a gamesession from a group of 4 players you could still carry on. Player misses fun and XP wich after a while should teach him to plan ahead enough to tell these things in good time. I say play. Leave player who can't play out and let him/her join in next time. Problem only arises when 2 player drop. Then it's canceltime