how to break the ice

[de-trick]

when ever I like someone and i get close to them, I am always worried to say or do the wrong thing. I have a problem coming up with a intelligent conversation or theres the awkward silence. I try to get past it by saying "hows it going" and the most i can ever get out of a girl is small talk.

case and point
-my foods class
I had to put some soggy pepperoni on some pizza bagels when Amanda(i like her, she knows it, but she has a boyfriend) comes to help me. Even though she had her own work to do. I said hows it going she said alright, she looks at me, I say just trying to break the ice. she laughs and we continue to help me with awkward silence happening.

usually I'm the guy who out there, the party animal, but around her and other girls i like i just cant break the ice

who can you break the ice when talking to someone you like

[Death, your friend the Reaper]

Shout "Fat Polar Bear!'

Sure to break the ice!:smallwink:

[captain_decadence]

I understand what you mean. It's hard, especially for the first few conversations. You just have to get past the fact that some conversations will be awkward and sometimes they will think that they are awkward. It happens to us all.

If nothing else, talk about things that are going on in your classes. It's safe and you can gradually steer the conversation to other things while getting a good grip on their conversational style with something you know you both have in common.

[Catch]

Well, there's a short answer and a long answer.

Lemme toss you the short and see what sticks. First off, if the same approach never works, why are you still using it? Consider it from a girl's perspective. How many guys start a conversation with "Hey, what's up?" do you think? As a male, it's easy to think in conventional ways and do conventional things. Once we have a routine, we keep trying it. Over and over and over.

But women aren't like that. If you're doing the same thing as every other guy, they're going to see you as... like every other guy. So what do you do? Something different. Start a conversation without following the norm. Ask an unusual question or make an unexpected comment. It doesn't have to be the wittiest thing ever said, but as long as you can approach a girl in a different way, she's likely to think, "Hey, this guy isn't like all the rest. I wonder what makes him tick..."

Once you've piqued their interest, it's tough to make women leave you alone.

[Raiser Blade]

Icepick? :smalltongue:

[Skippy]

You go near the person you want to talk to, and ask:

"Hey, do you know how much does a polar bear weight?"
Surely, they will say "no", in which case you will say "Just enough to break the ice!" and that's it!

[Serpentine]

Serpentine's Quick and Dirty Guide to Making Conversation
Step 1: Make eye contact. Continue to do so at least occasionally.
Step 2: Ask a question.
Step 3: Listen to and be interested in the answer.
Step 4: Listen to her/his question.
Step 5: Answer her/his question in more than a few words. Feel free to continue it in other directions, but try to avoid gushing or making a big deal out of the fact that you're talking. Jokes and general humour (conservative at first) are entirely acceptable. Don't be afraid of it falling flat, either that will be funny in itself or you won't really want to know them anyway.
Step 6: Repeat steps 1-5 indefinitely.
Note: If s/he did not ask a question at Step 4, repeat Steps 1-3 until you hit a topic that engages her/him. If s/he still does not respond in kind, s/he does not know proper conversation procedure. Move on to someone else, or show her/him this guide.
Note: Do not be afraid of silence. There is no need to hasten to fill it with more emptiness. On the other hand, do not be afraid to break it, either.
Note: Girls/boys are people too. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever to be more afraid of talking to them than you are talking to other guys/girls (I'm afraid I'm just as scared of both).
Note, to girls: It is not fair to make the guys come to you. You're just as responsible for initiating conversations as guys.

[Goff]

Have opinions, the more the better. Although avoid degnerating into rants too. Having an opinion on things opens the conversation up, allowing you to well, converse.

[Haruki-kun]

You go near the person you want to talk to, and ask:

"Hey, do you know how much does a polar bear weight?"
Surely, they will say "no", in which case you will say "Just enough to break the ice!" and that's it!

Heh........... good one.

I understand what you mean, though, De-Trick. It's very hard to break the ice around the person you like.............

Actually................. I think I'm gonna keep checking his thread, to see if anyone offers any advise. :smalltongue:

[thubby]

the easiest way to break the ice is to go on auto-pilot, just say what you're thinking (keep eye contact to avoid breast related thoughts), if you say something dumb nothing negative happens, since "not getting the girl" is the normal end result anyway. people (girls in particular) appreciate you being open.
heck, i got my current girlfriend by just saying "well i'm making an idiot out of myself" after completely floundering on the first try.
for your specific case, she obviously likes you, or at least has you on her radar (she went out of her way to help you), and your in a cooking class (an elective i assume), ask her why she chose it, or if shes the star pupil, how she got so good.

[averagejoe]

But women aren't like that. If you're doing the same thing as every other guy, they're going to see you as... like every other guy. So what do you do? Something different. Start a conversation without following the norm. Ask an unusual question or make an unexpected comment. It doesn't have to be the wittiest thing ever said, but as long as you can approach a girl in a different way, she's likely to think, "Hey, this guy isn't like all the rest. I wonder what makes him tick..."

You know what I find to be a great icebreaker? Pedophile jokes. (Note: do not actually do this.)

[Don Julio Anejo]

You know what I find to be a great icebreaker? Pedophile jokes. (Note: do not actually do this.)
Further note: replace "pedophile" with "Michael Jackson" or "R. Kelly" to make them funny and usable for stuff like this.

I hate to be a spoilsport, but the girl doesn't necessarily like you. She could consider you a friend and help you and stuff. If she's anything like me, she could just be trying to be friendly (whether you like her or not doesn't necessarily make a difference). If this is the case, under no circumstances turn into a "creepy stalker" guy by saying stuff like "I love you" or leaving cards, hints, notes. It'll make her freak.

Otherwise... FLIRT a lot.

[Vuzzmop]

Just a few that are great conversation starters.

1: Fat Polar Bear!

2: Hi! I'm a manic deppressive!

3: The building's on fire!

4: I love horses! Are you a horse?

I'm not that great with girls (I'm still only heterosexual in theory), but I've never had this problem. Ask her questions, a potential mate of the female variety doesn't give a rats about you, but wants you to talk about themselves, so question everything, and then back it up with a compliment.:smallwink:

[Serpentine]

2: Hi! I'm a manic deppressive!
I know of a girl just like this. Thus the nickname "Hi I'm bipolar".

[Don Julio Anejo]

I'm not that great with girls (I'm still only heterosexual in theory), but I've never had this problem. Ask her questions, a potential mate of the female variety doesn't give a rats about you, but wants you to talk about themselves, so question everything, and then back it up with a compliment.:smallwink:

I would disagree. Most outgoing people like talking about themselves. And if they want to talk about you, they'll ask you questions on end.

PS: "a potential mate of the female variety" isn't helping you become heterosexual in practice. While people on here find it funny (well, I do at least...), in real life it sounds too... well, geeky. And to be frank, it kinda objectifies girls. Not like rappers (who go "my bitch") but as if you're treating them as biology and not as real people.

[thubby]

I would disagree. Most outgoing people like talking about themselves. And if they want to talk about you, they'll ask you questions on end.

PS: "a potential mate of the female variety" isn't helping you become heterosexual in practice. While people on here find it funny (well, I do at least...), in real life it sounds too... well, geeky. And to be frank, it kinda objectifies girls. Not like rappers (who go "my bitch") but as if you're treating them as biology and not as real people.

any girl worth having as a girlfriend will get the joke, or at least understand.

[Brickwall]

Hmm, having never really had problems starting up a conversation (avoiding them is my trouble), I'm going to have difficulty putting my approach into words.

A big part of it is attitude. People are more interested in talking to you than you think. Humans are social beings, and unless they're really busy, the average conversation will be preferable to whatever book they're reading or wall they're staring at. You need the confidence that you can provide a good conversation. Otherwise you will be too shy to have a good approach.

Which brings me to my next point: it should be casual. A lot of my conversations start up when I'm barely talking to that person in particular, and more just thinking aloud. There's often a part of the environment that can spark a conversation. Example: "This line is longer than I thought it would be." Many people will respond to that in a way that leads into conversation. I don't really know why, but it does work.

If you really need to start up a conversation about a specific topic, "Can I talk to you for a bit" is quite effective. It grabs attention very efficiently. They think, "Oh, a person is paying attention to me. ME. This could be important." And you can get straight to the topic from there. Very rare is the person so sarcastic or foul that they will say "no" to that. Even I like to string people along for a bit.

[Serpentine]

I agree with Brickers, great advice there.

I doubt it'll ever really happen, but there's no worse conversation-killer than something along the lines of "Lets have a conversation" or "what do you want to talk about?" You can't force these things.

[Siric]

Icepick? :smalltongue:
Trotsky?

Russians aside, a good one is "How was your weekend?/How's your week going?" Not only does this have a chance to give her something to say, but she well inevitably ask how yours was, at which point you have something awesome to say because you did something awesome, right?

[Serpentine]

Trotsky?This was just explained to me. Why an ice pick in Mexico? :smallconfused:

[Siric]

This was just explained to me. Why an ice pick in Mexico? :smallconfused:

Why not? Would you suggest they use a pick for mining?

[Serpentine]

Well, I'd've thought they'd have more mines than ice...

[Setra]

The best way I find to talk to a girl is to be as simple and straightforward as possible, and just try to humor her.

I'm obsessively paranoid, so yeah I'll always worry if I said something stupid (actually it's 90% of the time I say anything), but in the end ya just gotta remember, unless you say something incredibly insulting or stupid, it's probably nowhere near as bad as it seems.

As to the food thing? If they dislike you because of the 'class' of your food then they're probably not for you.

[Glaivemaster]

Well, I'd've thought they'd have more mines than ice...

But they have mountains, I believe

Luckily, all the people I know, male and female, appear to be much more outgoing than I am, though that isn't saying much. I can't start a conversation, but if you can get into one, I find it's a good idea to just talk about things you know you both have in common

[Leush]

I doubt it'll ever really happen, but there's no worse conversation-killer than something along the lines of "Lets have a conversation" or "what do you want to talk about?" You can't force these things.

I'm going to try that... Today if possible... It'll be so much fun! Oh the reactions...

[Extra_Crispy]

But they have mountains, I believe

Luckily, all the people I know, male and female, appear to be much more outgoing than I am, though that isn't saying much. I can't start a conversation, but if you can get into one, I find it's a good idea to just talk about things you know you both have in common

Ya but how many women out there do you know that are gamer geeks with interests in auto mechanics, computers, and medicine? I find that many of the things I am knowledgable about and could talk about to infinate ends, most women could care less about. (not all but most) I have yet to meet a women interested in medicine (nursing, which is the carreer field I am almost in) that is also interested in hearing about how the whole last week I was at my parents house helping him put a new engine in his race car and all the difficulties we had with it etc.

But I know that does not help at all, so my only suggestion is to ask them little but specific things to get the ball rolling. Like what did they did today, not how was your day. Asking about what they did gets people thinking about things and answering specifically where they went or what they did and then at that point you can catch specific things and start talking about them. Finding little flirts and complements in there helps alot. Like if she said went shopping, and usually tell you what she bought, complement her taste in the items. Say she looks nice wearing it or something (if it was cloths)

Like a coworker I work with talking about her last boyfriend. He started to get possesive and was starting to get physically intimidating to other guys that even looked at her. I said something along the lines of "Ya that is real wrong but I can see why he would be protective of you" When she said "what do you mean" I said "well you are very smart, attractive, and nice. Anyone can see why a guy would try to keep you to themselves. It is still not right that he was doing that and not trusting you but I could see how he would not want to share you"

[Serpentine]

Finding little flirts and complements in there helps alot. Like if she said went shopping, and usually tell you what she bought, complement her taste in the items. Say she looks nice wearing it or something (if it was cloths)But only if it's true. That's right, though, as Goff said too it is good to have opinions, even about something like that.

[Extra_Crispy]

But only if it's true. That's right, though, as Goff said too it is good to have opinions, even about something like that.

Yup. Always be honest, well sorta. :smallwink: I have had honesty work much better for me, I dont know if it is because it is best or if I am just that poor of a lier. But you need to be carefull how you say it. Telling someone they look bad in an expensive outfit they just bought and thought they looked good in is not going to win you any friends. There is the catch though as being honest will help but in this case it does not.

[Rykaj]

This was just explained to me. Why an ice pick in Mexico? :smallconfused:

Hot country, lots of icecream, need to pick one!

[Mc. Lovin']

"What's a Bee's favourite letter?" ("B")

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

You must master the mother of all pickup lines:

"Hey, baby. What's say you and I go back to my place...I'll turn the lights down low, turn on some romantic music, and crack open a bottle of wine...And then I'll put on my Spider-Man pajamas and we'll do things I'm gonna tell my friends we did anyway!" :smallbiggrin:

Hard to believe I'm single, right? :smalltongue:

[TheThan]

Behold the single best, and worst pick up line ever to grace the human language:

“you know, underneath all these clothes… I’m naked”

try it, it works!

[Dwarkanath]

Just relax. As trite as that sounds, that's the absolute best thing you can do.

-- Dave

[PlatinumJester]

Best pick up line ever - Did you break a hip when you fell from heaven

Note: only works on the elderly.

Tell her a few non dirty jokes first, then find an interest she has and pretend you like it as well. As President of the "Say whatever it takes to get her to like you" club I recomend you agree with everything she says.

[Vuzzmop]

I would disagree. Most outgoing people like talking about themselves. And if they want to talk about you, they'll ask you questions on end.

PS: "a potential mate of the female variety" isn't helping you become heterosexual in practice. While people on here find it funny (well, I do at least...), in real life it sounds too... well, geeky. And to be frank, it kinda objectifies girls. Not like rappers (who go "my bitch") but as if you're treating them as biology and not as real people.


I don't mean to objectify women, nor do I mean to be sexist, but lets face it, when you date someone, ask them out, or speak to them in an attempt to become romanticly involved with them, they become the sexual object, and are treated this way. It doesn't de-humanise them, in fact I find it may even be flattering in some cases, but what's meant to be the object of our desires, Pop tarts? Because I don't think that a pop tart would make a very good lover. Let's face it, people, romance, the opposite sex, it is just biology, I don't mean to seem cynical, personally I think its a beautiful thing, but its also a scientific one, just chemicals in the brain. When will people realise that no matter what, they will always be seen as a potential mate? Its not a bad thing.

But yeah, it is a bit geeky.

[Jack Squat]

You just don't know how to handle pop tarts right :smallamused:

Seriously though, I'll have to agree with the just start guessing at topics until you find one she's interested in. You've got to come across one sooner or later.

[Serpentine]

Tell her a few non dirty jokes first, then find an interest she has and pretend you like it as well. As President of the "Say whatever it takes to get her to like you" club I recomend you agree with everything she says.Ew, no.

It doesn't de-humanise them, in fact I find it may even be flattering in some cases, but what's meant to be the object of our desires, Pop tarts? Because I don't think that a pop tart would make a very good lover.See above.

Oh, and regarding the "potential mate", at least one friend of mine talks like that on a regular basis, and I call the boyfriend, "the boyfriend". Certainly doesn't bother me.

[Skippy]

Are you tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day...

[averagejoe]

Are you tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day...

No no, more nerdy.

Like, "Hey, I want to be tangent to your curves."

[Setra]

"Did I see wings? Because you must surely be an angel"

[Vuzzmop]

The worst pick-up line ever, but one that is sure to start a converstaion:

"I'm Oskar Schindler, and I'm putting you on my list".

Ew:smallyuk:

[Skippy]

No no, more nerdy.

Like, "Hey, I want to be tangent to your curves."

That one is a derivate from another one I can't remember...

[Setra]

The worst pick-up line ever, but one that is sure to start a converstaion:

"I'm Oskar Schindler, and I'm putting you on my list".

Ew:smallyuk:
Do you read Least I Could Do?

[averagejoe]

That one is a derivate from another one I can't remember...

Touché. I admire the skillful way you subtley integrated that into the conversation.

[Skippy]

Touché. I admire the skillful way you subtley integrated that into the conversation.

It was just one of my functions.

[Gitman00]

Hmmm. Seems like we need another thread for pick-up lines. I'll do the honors...

[averagejoe]

It was just one of my functions.

Truly your wit is a sign of a great mind.

[Serpentine]

Cos of course these things are terribly clever...

[averagejoe]

Taylor made for your pleasure.

[Setra]

Cos of course these things are terribly clever...
They're not supposed to be clever.

If I wanted clever I'd write a poem. But I suck at them. Yet I feel like trying to write one because.

Your eyes are wondrous
Your face is divine
Your beauty is splendid
And I want to be your valentine

See? I suck at them.

[Serpentine]

They're not supposed to be clever.Ouch my witticism :smallfrown:
>slinks off into corner<

[averagejoe]

You know, it's really hard to use, "serjective" in a pun. Just sayin.

[Setra]

Ouch my witticism :smallfrown:
>slinks off into corner<
Aw, I'm sorry :smallfrown:

[Serpentine]

That's okay. Obviously I need to be more obtuse.

[Sir_Norbert]

You know, it's really hard to use, "serjective" in a pun. Just sayin.
Meh. That's just your surjective opinion.

[FdL]

You don't break the ice. You melt it.

[averagejoe]

Meh. That's just your surjective opinion.

B-b-but... that doesn't make sense...

*head explodes*

[valadil]

Back to the original poster. Don't think, just say. If you sit there thinking about the perfect thing to say all the time you're never going to say it, you'll be too busy thinking. Trust me on this one, I'm very guilty of it too. Just open your mouth and say something. Even if you say something stupid it's better than standing there awkwardly. She's gonna feel your awkwardness and then she'll feel awkward when you're around too.

If you can't get past overthinking when you're around someone you like, try asking out someone you don't like. You'll have nothing to lose if they say no, so it's a lot easier to just be yourself and dive into it. I don't necessarily mean to ask out a bunch of girls for practice, but talk to someone who has potential, but you aren't crushing on yet. Practice like this will make you feel more confident talking to girls and you'll then be able to approach girls who you are more interested in.

Finally, if you're still worried about what to say I vote for a joke. Just a comment on whatever is going on. The last thing you wanna do is go up to her and tell a knock knock joke, then introduce yourself. Just some vaguely amusing commentary that you're sharing with her and her alone. Some of us have an easier time coming up with humor (and you definitely want to come up with it yourself - if you heard a line from somewhere else or read it, forget about it) and if that's not your thing then don't do it. But do figure out what your thing is and do that.

[Telonius]

Have you ever thought about riding a bicycle? I mean, really thought about it; planned out all of your motions in advance and while you're doing it, worrying about exactly where you have to lean. If you thought about all of that stuff while trying to ride a bicycle, you would fall off and hit your head on the pavement every time. Don't over-analyze it. Just go into the situation with a clear mind. This is kind of counter-intuitive and hard to understand, but very true in my experience: you're not happy because you're with the girl, you're with the girl because you're happy.

[de-trick]

I talked to her this time it wasn't bad, asked her what she did, then it ended where i lived the house number and all. We also talked about my music on my Ipod

[PlatinumJester]

I talked to her this time it wasn't bad, asked her what she did, then it ended where i lived the house number and all. We also talked about my music on my Ipod

Thats the hardest part done at least.

[Maleficum]

According to the "To verify you're really 18 or older"-survey at the beginning of "Leisure Suit Larry", yes,the classic; the best pick-up line was/(is?):

"Hey, baby, want a ride in my Porsche?"





This was just explained to me. Why an ice pick in Mexico? :smallconfused:

Mexico is a hot country. In hot countries cold drinks are popular. A common ingredient in cold drinks are ice. Ice is (well was) bought in great slabs, thus Ice picks was more common, especially were refrigerators aren't as prevalent.

[thubby]

I talked to her this time it wasn't bad, asked her what she did, then it ended where i lived the house number and all. We also talked about my music on my Ipod

it only gets easier. :smallwink:

[Serpentine]

Mexico is a hot country. In hot countries cold drinks are popular. A common ingredient in cold drinks are ice. Ice is (well was) bought in great slabs, thus Ice picks was more common, especially were refrigerators aren't as prevalent.Ahhhh. Don't know whether that's true to the event or not, but it works for me. Thankee :smallbiggrin:
de-trick, bravo. If she's already taken, though, make sure you're just making a new friend, not hitting on a potential Significant Other. Of course, that's something to keep in mind even if she wasn't.

[Crispy Dave]

i don't have to much advise but i have a funny story

ok so my friend really likes this girl and we finally get him to go talk to her but she wore a shirt that showed some cleavage and the first thing he said was "i like your...um... boobs"(and yes we still make fun of him for it to this day

advice
:don't say that
:bring a box of chocolates
:talk to them on myspace or facebook until you fell confident to talk to them in person