Describe the plot of OOTS, badly.

[Wizard_Lizard]

Basically what it says on the title, how badly can you describe OOTS in an entertaining manner. Just thought it'd be an interesting thread.

[dancrilis]

A man is on a noble quest to secure one of the pillars supporting the structure of the world, they are continuously opposed by those who would prefer to destroy those pillars over allowing that security.

[Ravens_cry]

Stick figures play the ultimate D&D LARP, eventually trying to save the world.

[Ruck]

The leader of a downtrodden and subjugated race's campaign for equality sees his entire life's work threatened by six destructive screw-ups.

[Ginasius]

A group of PCs who make too many jokes about the rules of D&D anger the DM who decides to prolong their campaign well beyond the end of the dungeon with an unnecessarily complicated plot.

[MoiMagnus]

This is the story of the ultimate struggle between Elan, champion of the established tropes and stereotypes, fighting to preserve the world against Redcloack, champion of race equality, who is actively (and knowingly) trying to destroy the world by enabling Xykon, a tyrannical embodiment of self-empowerment.

[Metastachydium]

Some morons set out to kill a guy who's dead, but their mission quickly devolves into their trying to save the world from destruction mostly through destroying the seals that hold the universe together and dying a lot.

[pearl jam]

Some morons set out to kill a guy who's dead, but their mission quickly devolves into their trying to save the world from destruction mostly through destroying the seals that hold the universe together and dying a lot.

This is the first one that got me to laugh. lol

I think it was the last part about dying a lot that was the clincher.

[skim172]

Lack of positive childhood father figures hampers efforts to save the world.

Also, broader political and religious leadership fail to mobilize appropriately in response to imminent existential threst.

[Pory]

A group of stick adventurers are trying to stop a skeleton and a goblin who are trying to free a multicolor, thicker stick monster trapped inside the world. Half the time they don't know what they are doing and the other half they try to explain out loud what they are doing.

[elros]

Lack of positive childhood father figures hampers efforts to save the world.

Also, broader political and religious leadership fail to mobilize appropriately in response to imminent existential threst.
My summary is: A dungeon crawl gets derailed by the characters' unresolved family's issues.
Daddy issues: Roy, Haley, Elan, Nale, Hel
Other family issues: Durkon, V, Xykon (in SoD he kills is parents), Redcloak (kills his brother), Helga
Too many issues to list: Belkar

[Fenice]

So you have this classic team of misfit heroes, right? The fighter's got to kill this guy, who's sort of already dead, because his dead dad said so. Not really sure why the others are there, I think the author forgot to give them motivations, except for Nami from One Piece who wants gold to save her family but need to be really secretive about it for some reasons.
Season 1 is mostly a series of monster-of-the-week episodes, but the plot finally kicks off when Daddy Issues sort of kills the guy he's supposed to kill, but then he's still sort of alive, I guess, because magic.

Daddy Issues need to repair his sword, so they go looking for a special rock and Verbose the ambigously gendered wizard slays a black dragon along the way. They get the rock, but before they can go back and have the new sword forged, they get attacked by 2020 Mulan who wants to arrest them and bring them to Anime City. Daddy Issues simps her a lot but then finally learns the lesson that it's ok to call a bitch a bitch. However, 2020 Mulan is OP, so she capturs them and brings them to Anime City anyway. (Ah, along the way Nami from One Piece loses all her money and starts to speak in gibberish, which means that unless you consider Verbose a chick the show loses all likeable female characters for a while, despite introducing two new ones.)
So once the characters are in Anime City, granpa explains the plot to them, except for Short Temper who's out to kill 2020 Mulan, but he unfortunately fails. Meanwhile, Daddy Issues start to date Lawyer Chick and Nami from One Piece spends a lot of episodes trying to build up the courage to confess her love to Hot But Dumb (which I guess is an attempt by the author to keep his female demographic engaged with a bunch love side stories).
Then you have a huge B story line involving this evil versions of the heroes back from Season 1, the bottom line is Nami from One Piece can talk again, Hot But Dumb finally learns to fight but only by making lame puns and the two finally get together.
Then you finally, finally, have the evil army show up, and it's awesome, Daddy Issues dies, 2020 Mulan dies (but not before she screws it up for everyone), the evil army wins, and the team got all split up for the next season.

Half of the next season follows Nami from One Piece and Lawyer Chick learning out not to awful to other women, Short Temper learning how to be a better teamplayer, and Daddy Issues learning how to not be dead anymore.
The other half of the season follows the sea adventures of Dwarf the dwarf, Hot But Dumb and Verbose (curiously Nami doesn't get the seafaring half of the plot). Hot But Dumb got simped hard by She-Hulk and Verbose gets so cranky that he goes out on his own to become Anakim Skywalker because he needs to stop Grendel's mother before she kills his family. Anakim stops her so easily that he gets convinced that he's ready to kill the main baddie, but gets stomped so hard that he doesn't even need a redemption arc to go back to being a hero.

The next Season is set in a desert, we discover that Big But Dumb's father is an evil jackass who thinks he's the big baddie of the story, and for a while he almost convinces me too, but he totally isn't. Dwarf the dwarf becomes Dwarf the vampire and has some character development because the author forgot about him when everyone else was getting theirs the first time around.

The gods themselves explain the rest of the plot to the heroes and Dwarf the vampire has to die before he can come back as Dwarf the dwarf. I guess this doesn't count as reverting to the status quo because Dwarf the dwarf has supposedly learned something (though literally he's the same as before, the only one who really changes is Dwarf the vampire who accepts and learns to be Dwarf the dwarf).

[Lord Raziere]

A bunch of murderhobos try to save the world from yarn by destroying all the doors that keep it contained while a diplomat attempts to save his people from oppression by preparing to negotiate with a bunch of people who like playing divine-flavored RTS games with the help of his lazy impulsive buddy.

[Robots]

A crayon doodle is out to destroy the world, but it will only succeed in destruction if people break the things that prevent it from escaping. Our heroes break them numerous times, either by accident or on purpose.

Alternate Book Summaries:

Book -1: Just when you thought things were bad, THEY GOT WORSE!

Book 0: Origin stories! Also, characters are drawn bad on purpose.

Book 1: The main characters crack jokes of dubious quality until stumbling into the plot by accident.

Book 2: A total wet blanket chases after our heroes because of the dubiously moral stuff they've done. Meanwhile, a dead guy makes more dead guys to fight a city.

Book 3: The wet blanket screws everything up and dies thinking about a horse. The leader of the team dies and this causes everything to fall apart from there.

Book 4: An idiot, a small guy and a magician get stuck on a boat with the Blue Man Army. Meanwhile, the one girl and an even smaller guy lug around a corpse with a magical lawyer. Eventually, the magician gets fed up with the story and tries to become a Mary Sue. They then commit genocide, but the other stuff they do helps everyone in the long run.

Book 5: The idiot meets his father, who is not a very nice person. The magician discovers that when they committed genocide on purpose, they also committed genocide on accident. The small guy dies trying to save the smaller guy, but he gets better. They all escape in a flying boat.

Book 6: The small guy converts to another religion, which is bad news for everyone else. The rest of the team meets a small girl, which puts the team's Girl Counter at 2. Everyone else tries to vote on something, but they need to vote to end the vote. The small guy eventually converts to his original religion.

[Robots]

Other family issues: Xykon (in SoD he kills is parents)

I don't really think Xykon's issues stem from "When I was a teenager I killed my parents", I think his issues are more or less "I'm an amoral dead man here to conquer the world and kill everyone for the hell of it".

[RMS Oceanic]

"No really, just one adventure, it's not like you guys will find a plot hook down there."

[Hotu]

Gods accidentally make systemic racism, now it’s up to our heroes to stop the guy who’s upset about it

[Robots]

Gods accidentally make systemic racism, now it’s up to our heroes to stop the guy who’s upset about it

Okay, I laughed a little 'cause of how accurate it is

[Silly Name]

Unwanted child gets grounded by their parents for burning down the house, then a green guy tries to come up with a way to use this as leverage against the parents while a group of weirdos tries to keep the child grounded.

[The Pilgrim]

A D&D DM wants to earn easy money making a lazy stick figure comic based on his game sessions. The whole scheme gets derrailed as the author raises one million bucks on Kickstarter and needs to keep dragging the comic's plot indefinitely in order to justify not having completed the crowdfunding rewards list after 9 years.

[Ginasius]

Gods accidentally make systemic racism, now it’s up to our heroes to stop the guy who’s upset about it

The best until now, IMHO.

[faustin]

Loki screw everything by being a bad father.

[Mad Humanist]

Helga

A heart-warming tale about ordinary folk, almost all of whom have names that none can spill krecktly.

[Crusher]

A orphan and his extremely thin father-figure try to free the closest thing their world has to a rainbow. Some protagonists are trying to stop them, but they're really just comic relief.

[Hardcore]

Um, there's this guy and his quest to save the world. (which happens all the time apparently. Not to him of course). BTW this is a fantasy, right? So, he got this mission from his father's ghost and set out to recruit adventurers to help him. The guy that is, not his dad. He find some but they are not very skilled. The enemy is a Goblin cleric and an undead sorcerer. They all are quite witty, except the dwarf. The comic is not finished yet so I can stop here if I like.

[Ionathus]

Some morons set out to kill a guy who's dead, but their mission quickly devolves into their trying to save the world from destruction mostly through destroying the seals that hold the universe together and dying a lot.

This one really made me smile. Well done.


Gods accidentally make systemic racism, now it’s up to our heroes to stop the guy who’s upset about it

Also incredibly well done. Clever and snappy.

[ziproot]

Let's see. There's:

:roy: Roy Greenhilt, a guy who almost caused the world to be destroyed because he intentionally blew up one of the gates holding up reality.

:durkon: Durkon Thundershield, a dwarf who became a vampire and decided to help destroy the world so that millions of souls would be doomed to eons of torture from Hel, goddess of death.

:elan: Elan, a bard who has an intelligence and wisdom score of at most 9, who accidentally blew up a different gate holding up reality.

:belkar: Belkar Bitterleaf, a bloodthirsty halfling and wanted criminal who kills for funsies.

:vaarsuvius: Vaarsuvius, a trigger happy elf who committed genocide and accidentally weakened the defenses of the gate Roy blew up as a result.

:haley: Haley Starshine, a female rogue who literally lost their voice because of all the lies they told.

Minrah Snowshoe, a female dwarf cleric/fighter who hangs out with Durkon and wants to rub the fact that her god said maybe she shouldn't die in everyone's faces.

Blackwing, a self-obsessed raven who is strongly attracted to shiny things.

Mr. Scruffy, a housecat who literally ripped out someone's gut.

Xykon, an evil sorcerer lich who has anger management problems.

Redcloak, a goblin who never matured past their teenage years.

The MITD, who is powerful but other than that we have no idea who or what they are.

and Serini Toormuck, a charming halfling rogue whose main goal is to protect the gates holding up the fabric of reality.

EDIT: Oh right, and then there's the Gods who are useless due to stupid rules tying them up.

Any questions?

[Squire Doodad]

Let's see. There's:

:roy: Roy Greenhilt, a guy who almost caused the world to be destroyed because he intentionally blew up one of the gates holding up reality.

:durkon: Durkon Thundershield, a dwarf who became a vampire and decided to help destroy the world so that millions of souls would be doomed to eons of torture from Hel, goddess of death.

:elan: Elan, a bard who has an intelligence and wisdom score of at most 9, who accidentally blew up a different gate holding up reality.

:belkar: Belkar Bitterleaf, a bloodthirsty halfling and wanted criminal who kills for funsies.

:vaarsuvius: Vaarsuvius, a trigger happy elf who committed genocide and accidentally weakened the defenses of the gate Roy blew up as a result.

:haley: Haley Starshine, a female rogue who literally lost their voice because of all the lies they told.

Minrah Snowshoe, a female dwarf cleric/fighter who hangs out with Durkon and wants to rub the fact that her god said maybe she shouldn't die in everyone's faces.

Blackwing, a self-obsessed raven who is strongly attracted to shiny things.

Mr. Scruffy, a housecat who literally ripped out someone's gut.

Xykon, an evil sorcerer lich who has anger management problems.

Redcloak, a goblin who never matured past their teenage years.

The MITD, who is powerful but other than that we have no idea who or what they are.

and Serini Toormuck, a charming halfling rogue whose main goal is to protect the gates holding up the fabric of reality.

EDIT: Oh right, and then there's the Gods who are useless due to stupid rules tying them up.

Any questions?

Who's the medium-sized human with the hair?

[ziproot]

Who's the medium-sized human with the hair?

You mean the Paladin? That's Hinjo, who is actually a decent person who cares about upholding the law, but who is stuck on an island because Vaarsuvius teleported everyone there shortly after the genocide.

There's also Mr. Stiffly, AKA O-Chul, friend of MITD, who almost destroyed a third gate until Miko, a paladin who went crazy, murdered their lord, and subsequently lost their paladin powers, beat them to the punch.

EDIT: I originally rolled a 1 on my History (Intelligence) check. I mean, technically you could argue that O-Chul's beard counts as "hair", but this way I get to badly describe two Paladins instead of one.

[Mariele]

Gods accidentally make systemic racism, now it’s up to our heroes to stop the guy who’s upset about it
Can I sig this? Because I busted my gut. :smallbiggrin:

Six adventurers walk into a plot and are still there 17 years later.

[Squire Doodad]

Stick figure brick joke that took longer to finish than to get to the moon.

NASA was 1958, with Apollo 11 being 1969

[Schroeswald]

A monster sits in darkness for several years as various events prevent him from seeing the sun.

[skim172]

Unlikely small business entrepreneur opens hydra-based fast food franchise that eventually spreads around the globe, and incidentally solves world hunger.

Some other stuff happens.

[KorvinStarmast]

A group of PCs who make too many jokes about the rules of D&D anger the DM who decides to prolong their campaign well beyond the end of the dungeon with an unnecessarily complicated plot. And yet they keep coming back to the game table. Why? No other DM will put up with them. :smallbiggrin:

Stick figure brick joke that took longer to finish than to get to the moon.

NASA was 1958, with Apollo 11 being 1969 Laughed, I did. Remember, Rome wasn't burned in a day.

Unlikely small business entrepreneur opens hydra-based fast food franchise that eventually spreads around the globe, and incidentally solves world hunger.

Some other stuff happens. PETA is still trying to take him down, by the way, since they assert that a hydra is a protected, endangered species rather than a mythical creature. (Yes, I am channeling the Witcher novels here)

[Ornithologist]

A woman atempts to use her unusual diet to conquer the world.

[Schroeswald]

A lesbian dwarf meets a bunch of weirdos and gets told by god that her life matters.

[Taevyr]

Bumbling tabletop party in a stick figure parody fantasy universe get roped into protecting the structures upholding creation against a murderhobo and someone who's really pissed about systemic racism.

End up destroying all but one of said structures

[Mike Havran]

Story begins with adventurers wandering around, killing some sentient creatures because they had green skin and fangs and the adventurers don't, then taking their stuff and calling their actions heroic. Story ends with the adventurers trying to preserve that status quo for all eternity.

[ziproot]

Story begins with adventurers wandering around, killing some sentient creatures because they had green skin and fangs and the adventurers don't, then taking their stuff and calling their actions heroic. Story ends with the adventurers trying to preserve that status quo for all eternity.

Wait a second, how did you see how the story ends?

[dps]

Let's see. There's:

:elan: Elan, a bard who has an intelligence and wisdom score of at most 9
Any questions?

I assume you meant "at most, combined", correct?

[Heksefatter]

Three families, the Blues, the Reds and the Yellows keep messing up their farms after having started out very badly. Some of their crops try to fix it.

[Mike Havran]

Wait a second, how did you see how the story ends? The Oracle is whispering to me from afar :smallwink:

[ziproot]

I assume you meant "at most, combined", correct?

I mean that Elan's Wisdom score is at most 9, and Elan's Intelligence score is at most 9.

[Cicciograna]

A fledgling god of Music and Puppetry is ready to ascend, sure of the welcoming embrace of a whole pantheon, but the ill-fated actions of a negligent Cleric of Freya hamper his attempts to gain his seat among his rightful peers - and to cast his vote to avert a potentially world-ending catastrophe.

[Ruck]

Gods accidentally make systemic racism, now it’s up to our heroes to stop the guy who’s upset about it

Dang, this is a better version of what I was trying to do.

[ziproot]

A fledgling god of Music and Puppetry is ready to ascend, sure of the welcoming embrace of a whole pantheon, but the ill-fated actions of a negligent Cleric of Freya hamper his attempts to gain his seat among his rightful peers - and to cast his vote to avert a potentially world-ending catastrophe.

Good one. :smallbiggrin:

[Darth Paul]

It's like Monty Python and the Holy Grail done as a stick figure comic.

Only without the Pythons.

And they're not after a Grail.

Plus they make jokes about D&D for the first 2 books.

You know? Forget what I said about Monty Python. It's nothing like that. Except, it's just like that.

And one strip is an homage to The Cheese Shop sketch.

[Riftwolf]

Wizard makes Drunken mistake (also the repercussions).

[brian 333]

It's like weekend at Bernie's, except that Bernie kills stuff for no reason, and for some reason Inigo Montoya wants to kill Bernie even though he didn't kill his father.
Also, this one is funny.

[dancrilis]

The Order of the Stick quest in the deep dark Dungeon of Dorukan, a horrible pit filled with evil monsters and created by the mad lich Xykon, an undead mage mad with his own power.
But they will strike down the Xykon and make the countryside safe again!

[Mad Humanist]

The Order of the Stick quest in the deep dark Dungeon of Dorukan, a horrible pit filled with evil monsters and created by the mad lich Xykon, an undead mage mad with his own power.
But they will strike down the Xykon and make the countryside safe again!

I see what you Elan (https://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0013.html) did there.

[skim172]

Hamlet vows revenge for his father on Skeletor and the Green Power Ranger - teams up with Romeo, Juliet, Faust, Friar Tuck, and Frodo to carry out his vengeance in an epic crossover event.

[Heksefatter]

The Order of the Stick quest in the deep dark Dungeon of Dorukan, a horrible pit filled with evil monsters and created by the mad lich Xykon, an undead mage mad with his own power.
But they will strike down the Xykon and make the countryside safe again!

And treasure!

[KorvinStarmast]

I mean that Elan's Wisdom score is at most 9, and Elan's Intelligence score is at most 9. Yes on the former, no on the latter. If it's above a 7 I'll be surprised.

Hamlet vows revenge for his father on Skeletor and the Green Power Ranger - teams up with Romeo, Juliet, Faust, Friar Tuck, and Frodo to carry out his vengeance in an epic crossover event. OK, Frodo with a bad attitude fits in with this group. :smallsmile:

As to replying to the OP:

A story like Guardians of the Flame, except it has humor and it has more pictures.

[Ionathus]

Hamlet vows revenge for his father on Skeletor and the Green Power Ranger - teams up with Romeo, Juliet, Faust, Friar Tuck, and Frodo to carry out his vengeance in an epic crossover event.

I would watch this in a heartbeat.

[Cicciograna]

An unwanted being, the child of hatred, antagonism and petty rivalries, rebels against its cruel progenitors, unfathomable cosmic beings of power and might. Universally hated and feared, the poor soul is soon tricked by its own creators, who trap it for eons uncountable in a magical prison of solitude and suffering. Deprived of love, sustenance and compassion, the lone soul lashes at its prison: eventually, the inescapable confinement where it's shunted starts showing its weaknesses! Hope renewed, the trapped soul tries a daring escape...only to see the very jail rebuilt around him. Constricting him again. And again. And again and again and again and again, millions and millions of times. Until one time, the prison itself is buttressed by...something. By the minions of its "parents", for sure. If even its brothers and sisters, its very own siblings rebel against it, there'll be nothing that the poor creature will be able to do.
Time is short. Will the troubled soul ever be able to find its freedom, and find its just revenge against its hateful captors?

[KorvinStarmast]

An unwanted being, the child of hatred, antagonism and petty rivalries, rebels against its cruel progenitors, unfathomable cosmic beings of power and might. Universally hated and feared, the poor soul is soon tricked by its own creators, who trap it for eons uncountable in a magical prison of solitude and suffering. Deprived of love, sustenance and compassion, the lone soul lashes at its prison: eventually, the inescapable confinement where it's shunted starts showing its weaknesses! Hope renewed, the trapped soul tries a daring escape...only to see the very jail rebuilt around him. Constricting him again. And again. And again and again and again and again, millions and millions of times. Until one time, the prison itself is buttressed by...something. By the minions of its "parents", for sure. If even its brothers and sisters, its very own siblings rebel against it, there'll be nothing that the poor creature will be able to do.
Time is short. Will the troubled soul ever be able to find its freedom, and find its just revenge against its hateful captors? Bravo, that was very well done. :smallsmile:

[Robots]

An unwanted being, the child of hatred, antagonism and petty rivalries, rebels against its cruel progenitors, unfathomable cosmic beings of power and might. Universally hated and feared, the poor soul is soon tricked by its own creators, who trap it for eons uncountable in a magical prison of solitude and suffering. Deprived of love, sustenance and compassion, the lone soul lashes at its prison: eventually, the inescapable confinement where it's shunted starts showing its weaknesses! Hope renewed, the trapped soul tries a daring escape...only to see the very jail rebuilt around him. Constricting him again. And again. And again and again and again and again, millions and millions of times. Until one time, the prison itself is buttressed by...something. By the minions of its "parents", for sure. If even its brothers and sisters, its very own siblings rebel against it, there'll be nothing that the poor creature will be able to do.
Time is short. Will the troubled soul ever be able to find its freedom, and find its just revenge against its hateful captors?
They said describe the plot badly.

[Rikmach]

An adventure comic where everyone's varying levels of incompetence, from the gods on down, make it look increasingly likely that the world will be either destroyed or conquered, and being saved increasingly far fetched.

[KorvinStarmast]

An adventure comic where everyone's varying levels of incompetence, from the gods on down, make it look increasingly likely that the world will be either destroyed or conquered, and being saved increasingly far fetched. Or, as Sinbad the Sailor once said: Rocs fall and everybody dies.

[Brumagris]

A tale about a political leader's niece, who happens to never be around. Also, the plot doesn't involve around her.

[Cicciograna]

The estranged son of a respected and powerful archmage keeps challenging his paternal love by beating baddies with a sharpened metal stick, rather than pursuing the noble art of Arcana. Rather than actively help his dad rightfully ascend to Heaven, he keeps blabbing about this "quest" of his, involving gates and a weird god-killing abomination: for the last years he wasted his time with a bunch of other losers (except for the very talented Wizard of his group), traveling from one continent to the other, rather than focusing on killing the REAL threat, the lich Xykon. Not that ever had any chance to do it, to be honest, one wields powerful spells and magik (albeit on a very rudimental and instictual level), the other has a pointy metal stick. What a disgrace. Hopefully his sister will do a better job.

[skim172]

The estranged son of a respected and powerful archmage keeps challenging his paternal love by beating baddies with a sharpened metal stick, rather than pursuing the noble art of Arcana. Rather than actively help his dad rightfully ascend to Heaven, he keeps blabbing about this "quest" of his, involving gates and a weird god-killing abomination: for the last years he wasted his time with a bunch of other losers (except for the very talented Wizard of his group), traveling from one continent to the other, rather than focusing on killing the REAL threat, the lich Xykon. Not that ever had any chance to do it, to be honest, one wields powerful spells and magik (albeit on a very rudimental and instictual level), the other has a pointy metal stick. What a disgrace. Hopefully his sister will do a better job.

It's a classic morality tale about filial piety. Fail to properly honor and mourn your deceased father, and the entire world will explode.

[WanderingMist]

Worst attempt at a realistic artstyle for the story of a D&D campaign where Medium-sized goblins are angry about being oppressed or something. Also there's a skeleton and a monster in the dark.

[brian 333]

A wise oracle is continually frustrated in his attempts to prevent the destruction of his world, which is scheduled for the end of the year.

[ackmondual]

A D&D parody with many references to itself, along with pop and historical culture.

[Squire Doodad]

Man endeavors to hit a skeleton with a big stick. Then, his dwarf friend decides he needs to hit a goblin with a stick too, but nonlethally.

[DaOldeWolf]

Noodle people bring the world close to its destruction while fighting against mercenaries, abominations and murderers.

[Wizard_Lizard]

I feel like now is a good time for me to make my own ones lol.

"Bard x Rogue, Slow burn 1232 pages (still ongoing)"

"The story of.. what's his name?? Like Rob Redblade or something???"

"It's.. just like a dnd campaign.. just with slightly less explosions and poorly timed comedy"

"Goblins try to unionize against the gods.. but the gods have a monopoly on colour things and don't like the purple one so they plan to blow up the world"

[brian 333]

It is a generatiom long and as yet unresolved guessing game as to the nature of a character in the comic, with many digressions.

[Robots]

The estranged son of a respected and powerful archmage keeps challenging his paternal love by beating baddies with a sharpened metal stick, rather than pursuing the noble art of Arcana. Rather than actively help his dad rightfully ascend to Heaven, he keeps blabbing about this "quest" of his, involving gates and a weird god-killing abomination: for the last years he wasted his time with a bunch of other losers (except for the very talented Wizard of his group), traveling from one continent to the other, rather than focusing on killing the REAL threat, the lich Xykon. Not that ever had any chance to do it, to be honest, one wields powerful spells and magik (albeit on a very rudimental and instictual level), the other has a pointy metal stick. What a disgrace. Hopefully his sister will do a better job.
Oh, there you are, Eugene. I didn't see you hiding in Cicciograna's entire comment like that. (https://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots1192.html)

[Fyraltari]

When Durkon returns home he brings death and destruction to us all. I see worlds within worlds and yarn winding yarn. Spindles wind the string forward but not back. Loops and twirls. It seems to have all worked out. It's a mango! Hoops have no end until suddenly, they do. Sure, you can boot off a floppy, but don't pull it out in the middle! When all you have is a nail, every solution starts to look like a hammer.

[skim172]

Imperfect beings with infinite power create a series of universes with living beings, for personal and not always confluent motives. Hilarity ensues.

[WanderingMist]

Imperfect beings with infinite power create a series of universes with living beings, for personal and not always confluent motives. Hilarity ensues.

Please read the thread title. It says "badly", not "accurate summary".

[Precure]

An up and coming D&D writer's pet project turns out to be his magnum opus. Said creator's attempts to both please his audience and develop his story from a gag comic to something more creates retcons and unfortunate implications all around the story. The author tries his best to address these implications and please his readers, but doing so only creates more retcons and unfortunate implications, also please no one. Years long forum discourse ensues.

[Worldsong]

Angry big man gathers friends to hunt down a walking skeleton with the attention span of a cat, who doesn't remember who the big man is and would rather play with the biggest ball of yarn in existence.

Along the way it turns out that the gods aren't so much malicious as just horribly incompetent and now the fate of the world depends on not treating people who look different from you like ****.

[Darth Paul]

Along the way it turns out that the gods aren't so much malicious as just horribly incompetent and now the fate of the world depends on not treating people who look different from you like ****.

"Dirt"? I want to say that "****" was a stand-in for "dirt".

[Sapphire Guard]

Group dedicated to preserving pillars of reality at all costs repeatedly destroy said pillars of reality and undermine their defences, until the gods are so disgusted by their efforts they seriously consider destroying the world to be the better option.

Disenfranchised goddess tries to win election, other gods commit election fraud to stop her.

World is saved due to governing body's insurance policy not accounting for Acts of God.

[Worldsong]

"Dirt"? I want to say that "****" was a stand-in for "dirt".

Sure, let's go with that.

[CheesePirate]

A dwarf.

A brain.

A beauty.

A jock.

A rebel.

And a bard.

Before this comic is over, they'll break the rules. Bare their souls. Take some chances. And touch each other in a way they never dreamed possible.

http://cheesepirate.com/tmp/breakfast_order.jpg

[phoamslinger]

Synopsis: there's this webcomic that I read sporadically, where I've been waiting years for my favorite character to die, probably by heroic self-sacrifice for the team, so that the rest of the group feels morally compelled to bring him back from the dead (via full Resurrection).



I mean come on;

Roy's going to argue no, with good reason.
Elan's going to argue yes for the necessary happy-ending storyline.
V's going roll his/her eyes.
Haley's going to hand the diamonds to Durkon to make Elan happy.
Durkon's going to cast the spell out of guilt from Elan's accurate comments, probably without Roy's approval.

And far, far away, the Oracle's going to make snide comments about the stupid decisions made by adventurers.

[Cicciograna]

When Durkon returns home he brings death and destruction to us all. I see worlds within worlds and yarn winding yarn. Spindles wind the string forward but not back. Loops and twirls. It seems to have all worked out. It's a mango! Hoops have no end until suddenly, they do. Sure, you can boot off a floppy, but don't pull it out in the middle! When all you have is a nail, every solution starts to look like a hammer.

I see you and raise with...

"Posthumously. By saying the right four words to the right being at the right time for all the wrong reasons. When the gift horse comes calling, don't look it in the mouth. Yes - for you, at least. Yes. Of those two given locations, Xykon will be within 1000 feet of Girard's Gate first. Try gingko bilboa."

[Robots]

A dwarf.

A brain.

A beauty.

A jock.

A rebel.

And a bard.

Before this comic is over, they'll break the rules. Bare their souls. Take some chances. And touch each other in a way they never dreamed possible.

http://cheesepirate.com/tmp/breakfast_order.jpg

What the hell

This is the best post I've ever seen but realistically-limbed oots is terrifying

Very cursed. Love it. Durkon's presumably dead.

[Dion]

Durkon's presumably dead.

Vice Principal Durkon Thundershield?

Yeah, he died of mesothelioma in 2006. Asbestos mining.

[Fyraltari]

I see you and raise with...

"Posthumously. By saying the right four words to the right being at the right time for all the wrong reasons. When the gift horse comes calling, don't look it in the mouth. Yes - for you, at least. Yes. Of those two given locations, Xykon will be within 1000 feet of Girard's Gate first. Try gingko bilboa."

Hey now, we said "badly".

[Metastachydium]

Durkon's presumably dead.

Yeah, he does that all the time.

[CheesePirate]

Very cursed. Love it. Durkon's presumably dead.

Thank you!

I figured either he's off doing vice principal stuff (as suggested by Dion) or Belkar is using him as a chair.

[Fyraltari]

A dwarf.

A brain.

A beauty.

A jock.

A rebel.

And a bard.

Before this comic is over, they'll break the rules. Bare their souls. Take some chances. And touch each other in a way they never dreamed possible.

http://cheesepirate.com/tmp/breakfast_order.jpg

I assume this is a reference of some kind.

[hamishspence]

I assume this is a reference of some kind.

After a bit of Googling - the answer appears to be - the 1985 teen movie The Breakfast Club.

[CheesePirate]

I assume this is a reference of some kind.

Now I feel old. Yes, it's a reference to "The Breakfast Club", a film from 1985.

The text is based on the trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSXBvor47Zs&ab_channel=MovieclipsClassicTrailers

The image is based on the poster:

http://cheesepirate.com/tmp/the_breakfast_club.jpg

[Fyraltari]

Now I feel old.

I mean, it only had a few dozen thousands seats in my country, so it's not like somebody your age from around here would have been likely to get it either.

[Darth Paul]

I mean, it only had a few dozen thousands seats in my country, so it's not like somebody your age from around here would have been likely to get it either.

I didn't get it by virtue of never having seen that particular poster/ad campaign/etc. even though I was alive back then. It never made much impression on me for some reason. Certainly not as much as it did on Silent Bob (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dogma_(film)), anyway.

And I can't quite picture Molly Ringwald as Haley, for some reason.

[Squire Doodad]

I see you and raise with...

"Posthumously. By saying the right four words to the right being at the right time for all the wrong reasons. When the gift horse comes calling, don't look it in the mouth. Yes - for you, at least. Yes. Of those two given locations, Xykon will be within 1000 feet of Girard's Gate first. Try gingko bilboa."

"Try gingko bilboa" is going to be one of those great quotes

[CheesePirate]

I can't quite picture Molly Ringwald as Haley
The thread title did say "badly".

[Darth Paul]

The thread title did say "badly".

Touche :smallamused:

[Emanick]

I didn't get it by virtue of never having seen that particular poster/ad campaign/etc. even though I was alive back then. It never made much impression on me for some reason. Certainly not as much as it did on Silent Bob (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dogma_(film)), anyway.

And I can't quite picture Molly Ringwald as Haley, for some reason.

It made a reasonably strong impression on me, enough so that I recognized the reference without ever having seen the poster in question.

I guess my gym teachers would have been pleased. I probably never would have seen the movie if my gym teachers in high school hadn't canceled gym class for the day so that they could show us this movie instead.

In fairness, I suppose having your students sit still and watch a movie is still healthier than taking them out to get ice cream, which is something they also did when it was warm enough.

[Ruck]

And I can't quite picture Molly Ringwald as Haley, for some reason.

Haley doesn't seem like the prom-queen type, but they're both redheads, so you gotta stretch it sometimes.

Meanwhile, Roy as the jock and Belkar as Judd Nelson is perfect. "You know what my old man gave me for Christmas this year? A carton of cigarettes! 'Smoke up, son! Life's short!' ...So I stabbed him. What do you know, he was right!"

[Mariele]

Caught the reference immediately, thank you for bringing this into my life. :smallbiggrin:

[Blue Dragon]

"This group of weird heroes have to save the world and will live through amazing adventures! Every Wednesday, at 16:00, after 'Adventure Cartoons', on channel 3!"

[Wizard_Lizard]

It made a reasonably strong impression on me, enough so that I recognized the reference without ever having seen the poster in question.

I guess my gym teachers would have been pleased. I probably never would have seen the movie if my gym teachers in high school hadn't canceled gym class for the day so that they could show us this movie instead.

In fairness, I suppose having your students sit still and watch a movie is still healthier than taking them out to get ice cream, which is something they also did when it was warm enough.

I... What... I just... am incredulous.. My experience with gym teachers has been... Ice cream?? Really???

[WanderingMist]

It made a reasonably strong impression on me, enough so that I recognized the reference without ever having seen the poster in question.

I guess my gym teachers would have been pleased. I probably never would have seen the movie if my gym teachers in high school hadn't canceled gym class for the day so that they could show us this movie instead.

In fairness, I suppose having your students sit still and watch a movie is still healthier than taking them out to get ice cream, which is something they also did when it was warm enough.

I thought it was Breakfast Club, but wasn't sure, as I've never seen the movie so the only thing I had to go off were references in other media. I presume Belkar is actually in a trenchcoat and standing on Durkon.

[Emanick]

I... What... I just... am incredulous.. My experience with gym teachers has been... Ice cream?? Really???

Yeah, my gym teachers were weird. Lots of the time we would just be told to wander around the gym and do whatever - play volleyball, run on the treadmill, etc., while they watched. Sometimes they would ask some of the girls to drive to Dunkin' Donuts to pick them up some coffee or donuts.

When the Great Recession hit the city budget and the School Committee had to figure out which teachers to cut, I showed up to its meetings and recommended that they cut some of the gym teachers, since they appeared to actually do very little. That did not go well for me in class the next day.

[Wizard_Lizard]

Yeah, my gym teachers were weird. Lots of the time we would just be told to wander around the gym and do whatever - play volleyball, run on the treadmill, etc., while they watched. Sometimes they would ask some of the girls to drive to Dunkin' Donuts to pick them up some coffee or donuts.

When the Great Recession hit the city budget and the School Committee had to figure out which teachers to cut, I showed up to its meetings and recommended that they cut some of the gym teachers, since they appeared to actually do very little. That did not go well for me in class the next day.

Not to derail this thread any longer but... gosh.. I wish my PE teachers had been like that... maybe then I wouldn't have dropped it at the first available opportunity.

[Robots]

http://cheesepirate.com/tmp/breakfast_order.jpg
Also, question: Did you draw this?

(Heheh, I like how Horrifyingly Realistic Haley Starstandish has the lime green Boots of Speed.)

[arimareiji]

Some guy had interesting points to make about how D&D is played, and found a perfect way to combine it with his lifelong dream of getting thousands of people to waste hours of time arguing with each other -- about metaphors for reality that don't, in fact, exist.

The Giant, quietly singing to himself in an amused tone as he walks away from each comic:
🎶 They see me trollin', they hatin'...

(/joke, not serious)

[CheesePirate]

Also, question: Did you draw this?
Guilty as charged, I'm so sorry.


(Heheh, I like how Horrifyingly Realistic Haley Starstandish has the lime green Boots of Speed.)
Yay, I was hoping someone would notice those! http://cheesepirate.com/forums/images/smilies/goblorc_grin.png


I presume Belkar is actually in a trenchcoat and standing on Durkon.
I like this theory http://cheesepirate.com/forums/images/smilies/goblorc_smile.png

[gellerche]

A group of six characters (sometimes less when one's dead) work together (unless they're antagonizing each other) as a team (except for when they're split up) to save the world (and get treasure!)

[Robots]

Guilty as charged, I'm so sorry.
Don't apologize for greatness.

[denthor]

Order of the Stick

A guide to screwed up family issues.

See comic # 171 for proof of concept

[Jay R]

Years ago, I wrote the following. It's based on the plot at that time, rather than what has happened since, but it's still my answer.


This is the thief who likes to hoard,
That loves the bard with the puppet Lord,
That admires the fighter with the green-hilted sword,
That employs the Wizard, whose bird is ignored,
That has the gender unexplored
That intrigues the Halfling, usually bored,
That slew a mountain of the goblin horde,
That follows the cleric,
That serves the lich,
That seeks the gate,
That guards the snarl,
That lives in the prison the gods built.

[denthor]

Years ago, I wrote the following. It's based on the plot at that time, rather than what has happened since, but it's still my answer.


This is the thief who likes to hoard,
That loves the bard with the puppet Lord,
That admires the fighter with the green-hilted sword,
That employs the Wizard, whose bird is ignored,
That has the gender unexplored
That intrigues the Halfling, usually bored,
That slew a mountain of the goblin horde,
That follows the cleric,
That serves the lich,
That seeks the gate,
That guards the snarl,
That lives in the prison the gods built.


I remember when you first wrote that. I type it out for someone who had read the comic books I no longer worked with.

That was around 2003. 18 years ago?

[Wizard_Lizard]

I remember when you first wrote that. I type it out for someone who had read the comic books I no longer worked with.

That was around 2003. 18 years ago?

2003??? Dang that feels nuts, that means that that poem is older than me lol.

[pearl jam]

2003??? Dang that feels nuts, that means that that poem is older than me lol.

the comic was first published in september of 2003, but the snarl wasn't introduced until january of 2006, so the poem would have to have been written at some point after that.

[Precure]

I think this is the original post, no?

https://forums.giantitp.com/showsinglepost.php?p=14270226&postcount=46

[denthor]

I think this is the original post, no?

https://forums.giantitp.com/showsinglepost.php?p=14270226&postcount=46


Appears to be 2012 OK 9 years ago. Wow my life has changed so much.

I thank you for the research.

[Precure]

There is also a version with Durkon in the same thread.

[Caesar]

{scrubbed} So long, Rich. Sad to see you took the same road as the crowd.

[skim172]

{scrub the post, scrub the quote} So long, Rich. Sad to see you took the same road as the crowd.

My eyes just rolled so hard that I've gone blind.

[understatement]

My eyes just rolled so hard that I've gone blind.

I mean, yeah, what's up with these comments lately? Three recent comics really set out the fireworks.

Anyways,

plucky, mismanaged band accidentally and purposefully destroy world fundamentals while chasing after or being chased by freelance skeletal employer and evil green bureaucrat.

[Ruck]

{scrubbed} So long, Rich. Sad to see you took the same road as the crowd.

Sorry that realizing that Rich was, in fact, writing the story he said he was writing all along triggered you so much.


I mean, yeah, what's up with these comments lately? Three recent comics really set out the fireworks.

The heroes acknowledged racism.

[Precure]

I guess some people REALLY expecting that Redcloak's story to be a lie after all. :smallconfused:

[brian 333]

Stick figure Seinfeld.

It's a comic about a handfull of stereotypes bumbling about making things worse for everyone while commenting on their shortcomings.

There is no laugh track, but there is more actual laughing.

[Robots]

Stick figure Seinfeld.

It's a comic about a handfull of stereotypes bumbling about making things worse for everyone while commenting on their shortcomings.

There is no laugh track, but there is more actual laughing.
What's the deal with the Snarl's prison?

[brian 333]

What's the deal with the Snarl's prison?

The Snarl angered the soup guy, sooo...

[skim172]

The Snarl angered the soup guy, sooo...

These quiddities are making me thirsty! :smallfurious:

[drazen]

- Significantly more competent Skeletor look-alike tries to rule the world while a merry band of idiots tries to stop him.

- Group of heroes tries to save the world, alternating between roughly 8 pages of speech balloons and 8-30 pages of combat.

- Green Goblin attempts to trick the Cryptkeeper into unleashing Ragnarok.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Peelee]

These quiddities are making me thirsty! :smallfurious:

I don't know why but this is my favorite joke in the show.