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View Full Version : Dm'ing for the first time this week. Advice would be lovely. ^.^



Reijura
2007-11-12, 05:51 PM
So I will be starting my first campaign this week, (based out of the Death Gate cycle world of which am dutifully familiar with) and as per some advice of some friends, I've been reading up on Dm'ing and the like taking as much as I can from other posters.

However, I'd like to see if you all have any advice for a novice DM. I've played with some really good DM's, friends of mine one with a very open fantasy style and the other very mission oriented D20 modern game based on Stargate, and I feel like am gonna have to step it up to really immerse the players.

I'll be playing with a group of 5.

2 of them are semi-novice
the 2 previous dm's- one a Rp'r and the other an accidental powergamer (math major go figure)
and the last which I highly Suspect of being a power gamer and playing "his"way i.e. "dude it works like this" of which I will have my eye on since my style involves Plot > Game mechanics.

So I've got the encounters set up. I've got the world and laid out how they're starting "escape the labyrinth" for anyone familiar with the setting. and they're starting at level 3.

Is there anything else I can do to prepare to help it run smoothly and efficiently? Any tips on storytelling or immersion? Any general DM advice? Ways to pass notes?

Am running of my laptop so digital stuff is highly encouraged for me as well. ^.^.

Pre-empitive thx for assistance.

TRM
2007-11-12, 06:04 PM
1. make sure you let your players know ground rules and expectations before you start play. It can be a disaster if everyone is coming into the game expecting different things.


and the last which I highly Suspect of being a power gamer and playing "his"way i.e. "dude it works like this" of which I will have my eye on since my style involves Plot > Game mechanics.

Don't cramp his style too much unless he's disrupting the game. He needs to have fun too, and make sure he knows what to expect.

2. Never be afraid to wing it :smallcool:

3. Cater to the character's backstories, nothing is more fun (for me at least) as a player as to have connections and plots that tie into my history and reward me for doing all that work to write 20 pages of history :)

4. Be careful that one person doesn't control the spotlight too much (I happen to do this and know how un-fun it is for others).

5. Getting yourself immersed into the story is a great way to help the players also become immersed.

6. Programs like PCGen and the like are helpful tools for keeping track of PC and NPC stats.

Edit: In the game, You are God.
My 2cp.

Shishnarfne
2007-11-12, 06:06 PM
Just one tidbit:

The players WILL do at least one thing that you probably don't expect before all is said and done. Be ready for it, and roll with it.

Blanks
2007-11-12, 06:21 PM
Have an encounter planned out ahead that you can use to stall with if you are hard pressed. 15 orcs can turn up almost anywhere and will probably be in the right magnitude for your group.

remember, that in the game you are god, but out of the game your still just one of the guys (or girls). After each session ask what they enjoyed and what they didn't enjoy. Powertripping DMs are allways bad DMs

preserver3
2007-11-12, 06:28 PM
Here's my standard tips to any new DM.

Keep your wits about you and follow or ignore my handy/useless list of tips.

1. When--not if--the players throw you a curve ball, smile don't sweat. Those tense seconds as you smile, a bevy of options will start to appear before you. Your calm, smiling exterior will throw them a little off course as you open the door to the consequences of their actions.

2. Pick a whipping boy or allow the dice to pick one for you. When times are tough, throw the whipping boy a bone. When times are too easy, throw the whipping boy a shark. Alternate the whipping boy as needed.

3. Use a funny voice for anyone you don't want killed. Use an annoying voice for anyone you want eviscerated. Use a strong voice when you want them to listen. Use a weak voice when you want the party to help.

4. Make em laugh, make em cry, and try to keep them out of breath between the two emotions.

5. Have fun with them, not at their expense.

You'll do well regardless.

Reijura
2007-11-12, 06:34 PM
Just one tidbit:

The players WILL do at least one thing that you probably don't expect before all is said and done. Be ready for it, and roll with it.

Heh, with the 2 that were my old GM's am expecting curveballs. They work really well together and come up with some of the most off the wall things I've seen.

Looking forward to it really. :P

Prometheus
2007-11-12, 06:35 PM
the math major will quite likely pick up on the fact that if you follow a wall on any maze, you will get to the end eventually.

There are a couple ways to get around this, the best is simply to make them pay for the long but sure route. If there is a consequence to staying in the labyrinth too long, or the dangers significantly outweigh the treasures, you don't have to be a math major to figure out your best way out is to use a little bit of reasoning.

Alternatively, multilevel dungeons involving keys or puzzles make labyrinths confusing, but put them rightly in their place as a setting, not a obstacle.

Be sure to empathsize the contrast to fantasy-themed RPGs that the importance is having fun, getting into the story, and not "winning". Inform him that "winning" is in fact quite within his range of ability and not the challenge of the game.

Also, you may have to make more abstract-problem solving type puzzles, than mathematical-logical puzzles

evisiron
2007-11-12, 06:38 PM
3. Use a funny voice for anyone you don't want killed. Use an annoying voice for anyone you want eviscerated. Use a strong voice when you want them to listen. Use a weak voice when you want the party to help.



Quoted for truth. Also note that:
-Players may try to kill anything they can get away with.
-Decide on whether to use a DM screen before the game, and stick with that decision. However, at really dramatic moments, feel free to roll in eyesight. Wait for intake of breath as the dice rolls...
-Players love freedom, and this leads to the one method I tend to use:

'Set a start point, and an end point for each part of whatever. Give the players the freedom to choice which way they reach that end point'.

Reijura
2007-11-12, 06:45 PM
-Decide on whether to use a DM screen before the game, and stick with that decision. However, at really dramatic moments, feel free to roll in eyesight. Wait for intake of breath as the dice rolls...
-Players love freedom, and this leads to the one method I tend to use:

'Set a start point, and an end point for each part of whatever. Give the players the freedom to choice which way they reach that end point'.

Gonna be using my laptop for some dice rolling, mostly for the mundane stuff. Actual important moments I'll bring out the good ol' dice. helps me keep a bit efficient as I've seen some that add up the totals quickly (heh graphic design major here so I can't add as quickly as the math major DM). Not to mention it'll help me bit efficient and run games a bit quicker. The other 2 Dm's have this problem and some games run long cause of it.

Love that second piece of info. I enjoy when I get that option so hopefully I can convey it as well.

Glyphic
2007-11-12, 06:52 PM
The first few sessions you should keep a tab on how you're developing and what works for you as a DM. I personally have a spiral notebooks that I use for everything Non-map oriented. A part for NPC's, a part for Cities, a page full of tavern rumors, the story arc, Random diversions, KEY monsters.. And then in the little folders, or paperclipped to pages (these make awesome book marks) I have sheets of graph paper, Fully stated out NPC's, all sorts of stuff.

That mess works for me. I have my organization, I know where to find stuff quickly, and no one waits. But This doesn't work for anyone else I've ever seen. Some Dm's I know don't even have a single thing written down (and more often are flying by the seat of their pants).

So find what works for you. You're going to love having a PDF version of the monster manual on your laptop. or not. Just find what works for you, and is fun for your players.

Reijura
2007-11-12, 06:57 PM
So find what works for you. You're going to love having a PDF version of the monster manual on your laptop. or not. Just find what works for you, and is fun for your players.

Pray tell... how can I get this and the other books if possible. ^.^ Sounds like excellent usage of the digital age.

Knight_Of_Twilight
2007-11-12, 07:01 PM
*Aside* Death Gate Cycle, Hooray! :D I just suggested the name "Haplo" for a player the other day.

Everyone else has given some pretty sound advice, so heres my tidbit.

You'll never please everyone at once- so try to make sure everyone has an equal amount to do in a session- or at least, give the illusion of it.

Reijura
2007-11-12, 07:38 PM
*Aside* Death Gate Cycle, Hooray! :D I just suggested the name "Haplo" for a player the other day.

Everyone else has given some pretty sound advice, so heres my tidbit.

You'll never please everyone at once- so try to make sure everyone has an equal amount to do in a session- or at least, give the illusion of it.

Woot! Am glad someone is familiar with the series.

that's some good advice, I know one of the 2 dm's is rather good making you use the skill points/abilities you have. Tailor fit areas/encounters for it. Makes you feel special when you realize you are the key to do something cool :P

AslanCross
2007-11-12, 07:38 PM
Pray tell... how can I get this and the other books if possible. ^.^ Sounds like excellent usage of the digital age.

Well, most means of getting this are illegal, but if you have internet access and a laptop (better if wireless), http://www.d20srd.org is your friend. It has easy access to almost all core material (except product identity monsters like Illithids and Beholders). It use it as a quick reference when I run games, and it's reliable enough. :D

Reijura
2007-11-12, 07:43 PM
Well, most means of getting this are illegal, but if you have internet access and a laptop (better if wireless), http://www.d20srd.org is your friend. It has easy access to almost all core material (except product identity monsters like Illithids and Beholders). It use it as a quick reference when I run games, and it's reliable enough. :D

Fair enough, I used that site to do some research on my down time as a player, so I hope to use it more often. Thankfully the place we play at has wireless. Go Go College T1 lines.

nerulean
2007-11-12, 07:44 PM
I'll reiterate what someone above said about working characters' backstories into your plot. Nothing makes a character feel more real and a player feel more important for so little DM effort than having that sort of thing happen, and people like to feel important.

Also, in every situation, every trick and trap, think of a way for the PCs to circumvent the problem, then relish in the beautiful creativity they display in finding something a million times more efficient and effective. When they do something completely unexpected, don't panic, applaud and reward their ingenuity, and make the trap even more fiendish next time.

Hawriel
2007-11-12, 07:48 PM
Dont freak out if the players totaly ruin the plot. Look at the part of the campain your going to run the next game day and see what points are important. Then ask your self what do I want to happen? What may happen? What would be the worst thing for the PCs to do plot wise? Jot the options down for the encounter(s) in question and responses for you to make. Like this spy should get away, what if the PCs capture and question him, what if they kill him ect ect. If they really throw your a curve ball take a brake, 5min or so, they get food, pee, check sports scorse, you think.

If the players run off and leave the plot behind thats fine. Make the plot point happen some whare els or find a way for the PCs to go to the plot.

NPCs

Have a list of NPCs on note cards or on file in your laptop. I dont mean full NPCs with backstory, just basic stats. Rogue type/level X, Y, Z Fighter X, Y, Z Expert type/level X, Y, Z. and so on. give them items, skill and feats apropriat to your needs. If you have a combat encounter just use X number of fighters with Y wizards, if you need an NPC use Expert Z fill in name. I would make different sets player race NPCs and monsters orcs, giants ect.

Unless you know your group and have an understanding I recomend stating what PC behavior is OK and what IS NOT. If a player continues to steal the spot light or act in a way that you and the party need to say "well he really didnt say that in game" start giving that player consiquensess for his big mouth.

Reijura
2007-11-12, 07:57 PM
Dont freak out if the players totaly ruin the plot. Look at the part of the campain your going to run the next game day and see what points are important. Then ask your self what do I want to happen? What may happen? What would be the worst thing for the PCs to do plot wise? Jot the options down for the encounter(s) in question and responses for you to make. Like this spy should get away, what if the PCs capture and question him, what if they kill him ect ect. If they really throw your a curve ball take a brake, 5min or so, they get food, pee, check sports scorse, you think.

If the players run off and leave the plot behind thats fine. Make the plot point happen some whare els or find a way for the PCs to go to the plot.

NPCs

Have a list of NPCs on note cards or on file in your laptop. I dont mean full NPCs with backstory, just basic stats. Rogue type/level X, Y, Z Fighter X, Y, Z Expert type/level X, Y, Z. and so on. give them items, skill and feats apropriat to your needs. If you have a combat encounter just use X number of fighters with Y wizards, if you need an NPC use Expert Z fill in name. I would make different sets player race NPCs and monsters orcs, giants ect.

Unless you know your group and have an understanding I recomend stating what PC behavior is OK and what IS NOT. If a player continues to steal the spot light or act in a way that you and the party need to say "well he really didnt say that in game" start giving that player consiquensess for his big mouth.

Thx for the NPC Advice, I was orginally just gonna stat out Key NPC's that fit the storyline, but your way sound much better for a little bit more work. I have a digital character sheet creator so it should help in streamlining that process.

MCerberus
2007-11-12, 07:59 PM
Thx for the NPC Advice, I was orginally just gonna stat out Key NPC's that fit the storyline, but your way sound much better for a little bit more work. I have a digital character sheet creator so it should help in streamlining that process.

If you HAVE to HAVE TO (and still try not to) railroad something, at least give them the illusion of free choice. I don't mean "come with me or die" either.

TRM
2007-11-12, 08:34 PM
More NPC advice: make a list of NPC names and have easily accesible: then when they decide to talk to the bar wench and her three cute friends you'll have their names and it will seem more realistic.

Thane of Fife
2007-11-12, 09:54 PM
This is all general, non-system specific advice, but it's a good thing to aim for:

http://www.strolen.com/content.php?node=1270

Read that, then do a quick search for Top Tips and read the rest of them.

If you can accomplish at least some of that (and it's harder than it sounds, you're doing well).

Reijura
2007-11-12, 09:55 PM
If you HAVE to HAVE TO (and still try not to) railroad something, at least give them the illusion of free choice. I don't mean "come with me or die" either.

Yea, railroading ftl hoping to avoid it

SoD
2007-11-13, 07:01 AM
In regards to rolls.

In a tough situation where the player won't get killed, make a dramatic roll with whatever dice along the tabletop. I've had some great ones with the d100 (a huge round black monstrosicty), for some reason, it would always avoid every miniature, wouldn't disrupt anything, and would always stop right on the veeeeeery edge of the table, where one of the players would, whilst sweating, tell me the answer. Do some rolls in the open, some in private. Alternate them occasionally. Make rolls for no reason to scare your party members. When they're wandering through a passageway (or similar) roll some dice in secret. Look up. Ask the players for their marching order. ''Mhmm. The halflings at the back? OK.'' Roll some dice. ''OK, what's your listen check?'' Roll secret dice. ''OK, what's your flat footed AC?'' Shock horror from the players. Halfling tells. Roll more secret dice. ''And what's your fortitude save?'' I love scaring new people with that occasionally. Oh, in case you didn't realise: there was nothing there.

Corinthus
2007-11-13, 07:42 AM
Okay, im loving this thread, as im a new DM myself. My current experience goes thusly:
1. The players will always do something unexpected. It will probably involve fire.
2. The party actually operates on a simple checklist that goes "Can we steal it? Can we attack it? Can we cast a spell at it?" and then "Well in that case we set it on fire or run."
3. There is never a bad time to comicly act out what the NPCs are doing. *deep voice*"Grog Smash Now?"
For that matter, its sometimes also acceptable to do the same sort of thing with the party: 'and you were probably all like, "And there were 50 of them! Riding Dire Tigers! we killed them all in like 3 sword swings!"(Bar Scene after killing off a load of Hobgoblins)
4. If the plot requires slight rule-bendage, this is okay. If it requires breaking the rules into teeny tiny pieces, probably not.
5. If you want a particular building to still be standing next session, make it fire-proof.

It is of course possible that your group will be slightly less pyromanicial than mine. Good luck anyway.

Epic_Wizard
2007-11-13, 08:29 AM
I definitely agree with CoD. Random rolls keep the players on edge and make them think there MIGHT be something coming after them and they didn't spot it.

Look up "Eric and the Gazebo" (link provided below) for an example of player's actions coming from so far off base they are in orbit.

------------------Eric and the Gazebo (http://www.dndadventure.com/html/articles/gaming_stories.html)----------------------

If something like that happens just run with it. If it had been me I would have had an evil Wizard animate it and have it attack the party.

Also remember that YOU ARE GOD!!! if anyone complains to the point of annoyance then give them a random near death experience. You know like a bolt of lightning hits them and they manage to survive without a scratch. I wouldn't recommend killing characters for RL annoyances but a harmless scare could be educational. (not to mention amusing if described in the right way)


Also going back to what someone else said. Never assume that the trap or creature you use to block off something you haven't planned out is going to hold up. In the Ecology of the Rust Monster article in Dragon 346 an Iron Golem intended to block off an unplanned area of the dungeon was reduced to rubble through the use of a captured Rust Monster. In this sort of situation you can either spring Deus-ex Machina to foil their plans or you can let it happen and improvise on the way. Both can be interesting but remember that if you decide to foil their plan you can't make it obvious and you should provide them with something else to distract them from what they were doing (ex. on the way to capture the rust monster a burrowing monster creates a cave in and the party must defeat the creature and then may or may not be able to get to the Rust Monster at this point.)

Just my suggestions and you always have to go with what you think will be fun and work for your group so don't take anything in this thread as gospel (except the "don't kill off players on purpose without their request or a REALLY good reason" one).

Blanks
2007-11-13, 09:02 AM
2. The party actually operates on a simple checklist that goes "Can we steal it? Can we attack it? Can we cast a spell at it?" and then "Well in that case we set it on fire or run."
Good post although it often feels as though the list is:

we set it on fire
Can we steal it?
we set it on fire
Can we cast a spell at it?
we set it on fire
Can we attack it?
we set it on fire AND run

Corinthus
2007-11-13, 09:26 AM
Yeah, but i've been drilling my party in Adventurers Rule 1: Pillage, then Burn.

philippos
2007-11-13, 09:28 AM
anytime an interplayer confict arises remind everyone that it's a game.

in that respect dont discourage conflicts between the characters, they can be fun/useful at times.

Reijura
2007-11-13, 12:19 PM
anytime an interplayer confict arises remind everyone that it's a game.

in that respect dont discourage conflicts between the characters, they can be fun/useful at times.

This is true, I've had an ongoing conflict of character in my other game with my charater and the math gm's character. It seems to be the plot pusher of the game.

Jayabalard
2007-11-13, 01:20 PM
and the last which I highly Suspect of being a power gamer and playing "his"way i.e. "dude it works like this" of which I will have my eye on since my style involves Plot > Game mechanics.Make sure that you talk about how you're going to deal with disagreements ahead of time; from your statement here, I suggest a policy of "In case of doubt, I'll make a call and we'll roll with it, regardless of RAW; if you want to argue with me, do it after the gaming session, not during it."

AKA_Bait
2007-11-13, 02:19 PM
Mostly what rogue monk said with a few additional suggestions.

1. Roll iniative at the beginning of the game and after each battle for the next battle. That way you can move seemlessly from narriative into combat. I've found combat has more of an exciting feel to it, and generally moves faster, if there isn't a pause to get everyone's iniative after saying 'And the Orcs charge!"

2. Make idex cards with your players/characters names on it. Do the same with monsters (you may want to write the monster's HP down on the card as well. This way, when you have to make adjustments to iniative order (if someone holds their action or is a Marshall for example) then you just need to slide the card out and put it back into the pile at a different spot rather than erasing and scribbling on a list.

3. Have the players, in character, devise a party contract which lays out some ground rules about how the party will function, as a party. Meaning, how treasure is split, how to decide who get's a magical item if more than one person wants it, a code of conduct (if any) etc.

JaxGaret
2007-11-13, 02:24 PM
1. Roll iniative at the beginning of the game and after each battle for the next battle. That way you can move seemlessly from narriative into combat. I've found combat has more of an exciting feel to it, and generally moves faster, if there isn't a pause to get everyone's iniative after saying 'And the Orcs charge!"

2. Make idex cards with your players/characters names on it. Do the same with monsters (you may want to write the monster's HP down on the card as well. This way, when you have to make adjustments to iniative order (if someone holds their action or is a Marshall for example) then you just need to slide the card out and put it back into the pile at a different spot rather than erasing and scribbling on a list.

3. Have the players, in character, devise a party contract which lays out some ground rules about how the party will function, as a party. Meaning, how treasure is split, how to decide who get's a magical item if more than one person wants it

All excellent ideas. I'm going to add this suggestion: play at your own pace. If you need a bit of time to think and reflect on what crazy thing the PCs just did, take it. It'll make for a better playing experience for everyone involved if you do it the way you want it to be done.


a code of conduct (if any) etc.

CoCs are for wimps and babies :smallwink:

/humor

SoD
2007-11-13, 02:36 PM
I have so got to include the head of vecna at some point...or other body parts...heh.

Reijura
2007-11-13, 03:52 PM
I have so got to include the head of vecna at some point...or other body parts...heh.

LoL, I read various stories about that. Actually there's an interesting cursed knife in the series that morphs that could be interesting if it accidentally fell in the hands of my players... /ponder

turkishproverb
2007-11-13, 03:54 PM
Pre-empitive thx for assistance.

Remove disjunct from the spellbooks if thier are any save the universe important magical items.

Reijura
2007-11-14, 11:13 AM
Thx for all the advice folks. My game starts tomorrow and hopefully it'll go as well as I envision it :P

Epic_Wizard
2007-11-14, 11:47 AM
Yeah, but i've been drilling my party in Adventurers Rule 1: Pillage, then Burn.

That is actually from Schlock Mercenary (http://www.schlockmercenary.com/) which is an online webcomic that anyone who likes Sci-Fi has GOT to read. If you don't like it I won't hold it against you but if you are unwilling to even look at it I will hold that against you. (see this section (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schlock_Mercenary#The_Seven_Habits_of_Highly_Effec tive_Pirates) of the wiki article (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schlock_Mercenary) for where it comes from in that universe)


Mostly what rogue monk said with a few additional suggestions.

1. Roll iniative at the beginning of the game and after each battle for the next battle. That way you can move seemlessly from narriative into combat. I've found combat has more of an exciting feel to it, and generally moves faster, if there isn't a pause to get everyone's iniative after saying 'And the Orcs charge!"

2. Make idex cards with your players/characters names on it. Do the same with monsters (you may want to write the monster's HP down on the card as well. This way, when you have to make adjustments to iniative order (if someone holds their action or is a Marshall for example) then you just need to slide the card out and put it back into the pile at a different spot rather than erasing and scribbling on a list.

3. Have the players, in character, devise a party contract which lays out some ground rules about how the party will function, as a party. Meaning, how treasure is split, how to decide who get's a magical item if more than one person wants it, a code of conduct (if any) etc.

These should be engraved in stone somewhere, possible outside WotC headquarters, and on to the head of everyone who has EVER been enough of an idiot/expletive to get kicked out of a gaming group, in BIG letters.

Also the whole rolling for initiative ahead of time lets you run surprise encounters better. If no one spots the threat then their first indication can be an arrow sticking out of someone's back or an ax swinging around the corner and clanging off of someone's armor. Now THAT would be cool. I am assuming that you would be rolling spot/listen/whatever checks for them if it is something you don't want them actively checking for.

You could even roll play the last item on his list. Have some lawful character who cares about fair play or a rogue who wants their fair share of the treasure to roll play a reason for the contract. This could be fun, if you don't let it drag out, and it will provide the basis for roll playing things like splitting interesting treasure and resolving disputes over such things in-game which eliminates some of the chance for things to get ugly. To set this up you might broach the subject to someone you are pretty sure would go along with it, maybe the math guy, and then have their character broach it to the other characters in game.

Keep in mind that if you don't think any of this will work you don't have to do it.

Corinthus
2007-11-14, 01:34 PM
Hmm... So it is. Although im sure ive heard it used multiple times by people who i know don't read Schlock Mercenary. It's equally possible that he picked it up from somewhere else, and incorporated it because it is a good rule one.
That said, most of the rules from the Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates can be adapted for adventuring use:
6. If violence wasn’t your last resort, you failed to resort to enough of it.
8. Mockery and derision have their place. Usually, it's on the far side of a Raise Dead spell
12. A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, hit it in the head.
13. Do unto others
27. Don't be afraid to be the first to resort to violence
36. When the going gets tough, the tough call for batman wizards.
37. There is no "overkill". There is only "Hit it" and "Hit again, harder."

(Please note that i like Schlock Mercenary, and it just hadn't occured to me that I was subconciously quoting from there.)

Epic_Wizard
2007-11-14, 02:57 PM
Hmm... So it is. Although im sure ive heard it used multiple times by people who i know don't read Schlock Mercenary. It's equally possible that he picked it up from somewhere else, and incorporated it because it is a good rule one.
That said, most of the rules from the Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates can be adapted for adventuring use:
6. If violence wasn’t your last resort, you failed to resort to enough of it.
8. Mockery and derision have their place. Usually, it's on the far side of a Raise Dead spell
12. A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, hit it in the head.
13. Do unto others
27. Don't be afraid to be the first to resort to violence
36. When the going gets tough, the tough call for batman wizards.
37. There is no "overkill". There is only "Hit it" and "Hit again, harder."

(Please note that i like Schlock Mercenary, and it just hadn't occured to me that I was subconciously quoting from there.)

Corrections :smallwink:

12. A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, cut off its head with a Vorpal great sword.

36. When the going gets tough, the tough summon close air support.

37. There is no "overkill". There is only "open fire" and "I need another wand."

The full list from Schlock Mercenary courtesy of Wikipedia:

1. Pillage, then burn.
6. If violence wasn’t your last resort, you failed to resort to enough of it. (2005-03-13)
8. Mockery and derision have their place. Usually, it's on the far side of the airlock.
9. Never turn your back on an enemy.
12. A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head.
13. Do unto others.
16. Your name is in the mouth of others: be sure it has teeth.
27. Don't be afraid to be the first to resort to violence.
29. The enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy. No more. No less.
30. A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go.
31. Only cheaters prosper.
34. If you’re leaving scorch-marks, you need a bigger gun.
35. That which does not kill you has made a tactical error.
36. When the going gets tough, the tough call for close air support.
37. There is no "overkill". There is only "open fire" and "I need to reload."
xx. Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Take his fish away and tell him he's lucky just to be alive, and he'll figure out how to catch another one for you to take tomorrow.
xx. Just because it's easy for you doesn't mean it can't be hard on your clients.