How to handle this problem, and character swapping

[jaappleton]

So, I have a strange issue at the table.

Some of my fellow players often forget their abilities. Which is fine, it happens to the best of us. I know that I, myself have had numerous times where I finished my turn and then realized I should’ve done something else entirely.

Paladin forgets his channel divinity.
Rogue forgets Cunning Action: Aim from Tasha’s.
Alchemist forgets their mixtures.

And it wouldn’t be an issue if it happened occasionally.

But…. almost every turn in a boss battle, where my character is getting pummeled into the ground… and a total of like six character turns go by with nothing happening.

And by nothing happening I mean attacks aren’t landing, spells aren’t being cast, etc. It’s not that “They aren’t making the most optimal decision.”

It’s that the characters have the ability to turn the tide, to alter the battle, to quicken the pace of combat.

Fights are lasting 45 minutes to an hour when they could be over in 25 minutes. It’s a lot of wasted time.

And after a round or two, I kindly remind them “Hey, don’t forget, you could use your cunning action to grant yourself advantage.”

And that rogue player exclaims, “That’s right! I forgot that!” And excitedly proceeds to sneak attack for big damage, and we high five.

……How can I remind them of their abilities and such, without invoking the feeling that I’m playing their character for them? Because I don’t want that.

At the same time, in the back of my mind, I’m going full Thanos and thinking, “Fine, I’ll do it myself” and tossing around characters that’re totally OP so the enemies can die before we suffer a TPK. Ha ha big numbers go brrrrr.

[Ashe]

I've never found a good solution to players (or DMs/GMs!) who just refuse to learn. I just play with groups who are actually there to play d&d and it never comes up (the problem arises for me when people are just attending to hang out and not actually for the game).

[SpikeFightwicky]

I have a similar issue with my players (I'm the DM, though) where due to lack of time, they get builds from online and don't know what all their spells do, and the player has all the marquee spells that everyone says are "must haves", and then never uses them because they forget, or they're specific and the circumstance never arises. Like counterspell and dispel magic. I don't chose monsters or situations to cater for or against player spells or abilities (if a random encounter happens, it's part of a pre-determined group of monsters that are active in the area), but sometimes they've gone a few levels complaining that they haven't used either of those spells in a long time, but the rest of the table says they should keep it "just in case". The other times the player can counter, but runs out of reactions and spell slots fast so they can't do things they'd rather do. So often the player has 90% utility spells so all they do is use cantrips and use early level class abilities. So rather than looking up spells and picking one that sounds fun, they pick the "must haves" from online without knowing why they're useful and never use them. Then half the table tries to explain, but after 11 levels, I don't think it's going to improve.

That said, I don't think there's a solution... Or, if there is, I'm interested in hearing it!

[quindraco]

I'll give you the same advice I gave a friend of mine with exactly the same problem in a group he's in: react in-character to their incompetence, not out-of-character. There are many ways you can do this, of course, but here are some examples:

"Wow, your magic is so cool! Would you mind telling me what your spells do? They seem so neat!" <- in order to answer this, a spellcaster has to know what their spells do.

<You encounter some problem you know the caster can fix, but they're not doing so.> "I have no idea how to solve this! I know you are a master of many and sundry magical arts, do you perhaps have a way to deal with this?"

<The party is about to bust into the room with the BBEG in it> "Guys, we should make a plan for this, what do you think we should do?" and/or "...this, here's what I think we should do."

And so on and so forth. Remember, your character probably doesn't want to die - that means they have a perfectly in-character motivation to address the situation you're frustrated by out-of-character.

[da newt]

It really depends on the Player - if they are interested in improving their combat tactics and accepting advice, then some non-game time one on ones where you discuss tactics and PC abilities and maybe make up some note card cheat sheets can be very effective (a 3x5 card with all the important bits for a barbarian or rogue is easy to make and use).

If the Player isn't invested in improving tactically and accepting coaching, then it's more challenging, and some folks take advice like it's a personal attack - in which case it's best to step back and spectate.

Some folks play for reasons other than trying to fight well - I don't get it, but I also understand that I have no right to tell them they are having fun wrong.

I find that if I can just get all the Players to look for a way to use their action, movement, and BA every turn and understand that ganging up on one foe is better than everyone attacking different foes it feels like a real success.

Lastly, I don't think your feeling is strange or rare - I struggle with it all the time too, but I also recognize it's as much a me issue as a them issue. I want to perform well in combat, and I want my team to perform well individually and collectively.

[stoutstien]

Best suggestion I have is to make sure the player has made a character sheet that's actually intuitive to them rather than just using the standard one. It takes an experimenting but you can usually come up with one that works really well for an individual player.

For example I use a spiral pattern for my spells and spell slots and because I'm dyslexic I can reference those about twice as fast that way.

[da newt]

I think quindraco's suggestion is both excellent and potentially horrible depending on execution and the Players involved.

RP-ing team problem solving and planning can be a great way to draw Players into flexing their abilities, or it can make your PC into the resented little sh!t of the party that thinks they know more than everyone else and wants to boss us around. It takes a little nuance and emotional cleverness to ensure your in character advice is well received (as intended) - the same of course applies to out of character advice.

[TyGuy]

I've never found a good solution to players (or DMs/GMs!) who just refuse to learn. I just play with groups who are actually there to play d&d and it never comes up (the problem arises for me when people are just attending to hang out and not actually for the game).
I'm living this right now with one "problem" player who's an awesome friend, but is dragging down the quality of the game with apathy :(

OP: maybe give each forgetful player a short (1-4 features) list of top things they forget often.

[Cheesegear]

Some of my fellow players often forget their abilities.

I've made flashcards for some of my players for their class abilities, just like as if they were monster statistics.
I'm now at the point where as soon as initiative is rolled, my players pull out their 'combat cards'...I'm so proud of them.

[MrStabby]

So, I have a strange issue at the table.

Some of my fellow players often forget their abilities. Which is fine, it happens to the best of us. I know that I, myself have had numerous times where I finished my turn and then realized I should’ve done something else entirely.

Paladin forgets his channel divinity.
Rogue forgets Cunning Action: Aim from Tasha’s.
Alchemist forgets their mixtures.

And it wouldn’t be an issue if it happened occasionally.

But…. almost every turn in a boss battle, where my character is getting pummeled into the ground… and a total of like six character turns go by with nothing happening.

And by nothing happening I mean attacks aren’t landing, spells aren’t being cast, etc. It’s not that “They aren’t making the most optimal decision.”

It’s that the characters have the ability to turn the tide, to alter the battle, to quicken the pace of combat.

Fights are lasting 45 minutes to an hour when they could be over in 25 minutes. It’s a lot of wasted time.

And after a round or two, I kindly remind them “Hey, don’t forget, you could use your cunning action to grant yourself advantage.”

And that rogue player exclaims, “That’s right! I forgot that!” And excitedly proceeds to sneak attack for big damage, and we high five.

……How can I remind them of their abilities and such, without invoking the feeling that I’m playing their character for them? Because I don’t want that.

At the same time, in the back of my mind, I’m going full Thanos and thinking, “Fine, I’ll do it myself” and tossing around characters that’re totally OP so the enemies can die before we suffer a TPK. Ha ha big numbers go brrrrr.

Work with the DM.

Get the DM to throw a few really tough boss fights at the party and let the party work together and take time over their turns and prepartation for the fight.

Provide a necesity for optimal play and the means to do it. Make it natural for a bit of back and forth over different people's character sheets. Have a chance for discussions/comments like "We have heard this wizard used invisability quite a lot; I can prepare faerie fire but does anyone else have any good ways to help our rogue get advantage?" or "Form what we have seen these guys like their heavy armour so they will be hard to hit. I could cast bless to help but I might need my concentration up for Fly; can anyone else help our martial characters land hits on armoured targets?".

Try and turn it from a lecture/suggestion to a discussion and try and make it as appropriate as possible to have that discussion.

As well as a great chance to run through each character's abilities it is a good time to run through inventories as well for random loot that might be able to be used to help.

[MoiMagnus]

(1) List of things they can do with their bonus action. (spell, cunning action, etc). If their character is build for it (which is usually the case for character inspired from online builds), they should be able to use their BA almost every turn. It should be part of the normal flow "Movement, BA, Action".

(2) Tokens, material, etc. Anything which can materialize the resources they still have. For channel divinity, if they have a small card with their channel divinity effect on them, one copy per use they have, and that they "spend" the card when using it, it will help them.
Note: Spell cards can also work, but when it grows up to a spell deck, you're back at "peoples forget what they can do".

I'd also like to note that heroes not using their full potential up until they really feel in danger and take the stakes seriously is a very common trope. While it require some practice, if you handle the table correctly, you can alternate between casual fights that don't require players to really know their abilities and serious fights that push the players to try to find any potential bonus they could have forgotten.



At the same time, in the back of my mind, I’m going full Thanos and thinking, “Fine, I’ll do it myself” and tossing around characters that’re totally OP so the enemies can die before we suffer a TPK. Ha ha big numbers go brrrrr.

While it depends on the enemies, a good way to put an end to a stagnating fight is the enemies starting to run away or starting to negotiate for a more peaceful solution.

[Segev]

If your friends are okay with you helping them make "cheat sheets" for combat, then I would do that. The idea of "here are your possible bonus actions, here are your possible actions, here are your possible reactions" and the like in a list might be very useful to them. Make sure the DM asks, "Do you want to do anything else? You still have a (bonus) action left," or the like before moving on. It slows down each turn, but your problem seems not to be slow turns so much as too many turns with too little effect.

In any event, if they're rolling to hit without advantage and haven't used their bonus action yet, reminding them the very first time it comes up (and every time thereafter) that they have Cunning Action: Aim available likely won't hurt their feelings. After all, they're happy when they get to use it. If they have other plans for their bonus action, they hopefully will tell you, "No, I didn't use that 'cause I'm going to Hide after the attack."

[J-H]

I'll give you the same advice I gave a friend of mine with exactly the same problem in a group he's in: react in-character to their incompetence, not out-of-character. There are many ways you can do this, of course, but here are some examples:

"Wow, your magic is so cool! Would you mind telling me what your spells do? They seem so neat!" <- in order to answer this, a spellcaster has to know what their spells do.

<You encounter some problem you know the caster can fix, but they're not doing so.> "I have no idea how to solve this! I know you are a master of many and sundry magical arts, do you perhaps have a way to deal with this?"

<The party is about to bust into the room with the BBEG in it> "Guys, we should make a plan for this, what do you think we should do?" and/or "...this, here's what I think we should do."

And so on and so forth. Remember, your character probably doesn't want to die - that means they have a perfectly in-character motivation to address the situation you're frustrated by out-of-character.

When fighting a not-entirely-hostile elder dragon, they were talking about how it was hard to deal with a flying enemy. The dragon promptly yelled "You don't have a plan? You claim to fight against the Aaracokra, and you don't have a plan to fight flying enemies? What fools!" (or something like that)
2 or 3 sessions later they found crafting help, and now everyone has a Broom of Flying. The Paladin also has started Misty Stepping onto the backs of large flying creatures and then smiting them while Hasted.


Best suggestion I have is to make sure the player has made a character sheet that's actually intuitive to them rather than just using the standard one. It takes an experimenting but you can usually come up with one that works really well for an individual player.

For example I use a spiral pattern for my spells and spell slots and because I'm dyslexic I can reference those about twice as fast that way.
Can you post an image or example of what that looks like? I am having a lot of trouble picturing this in my head.
I'm not dyslexic, but my wife is and I want to be ready in case my kids are.

[Unoriginal]

So, I have a strange issue at the table.

Some of my fellow players often forget their abilities. Which is fine, it happens to the best of us. I know that I, myself have had numerous times where I finished my turn and then realized I should’ve done something else entirely.

Paladin forgets his channel divinity.
Rogue forgets Cunning Action: Aim from Tasha’s.
Alchemist forgets their mixtures.

And it wouldn’t be an issue if it happened occasionally.

But…. almost every turn in a boss battle, where my character is getting pummeled into the ground… and a total of like six character turns go by with nothing happening.

And by nothing happening I mean attacks aren’t landing, spells aren’t being cast, etc. It’s not that “They aren’t making the most optimal decision.”

It’s that the characters have the ability to turn the tide, to alter the battle, to quicken the pace of combat.

Fights are lasting 45 minutes to an hour when they could be over in 25 minutes. It’s a lot of wasted time.

And after a round or two, I kindly remind them “Hey, don’t forget, you could use your cunning action to grant yourself advantage.”

And that rogue player exclaims, “That’s right! I forgot that!” And excitedly proceeds to sneak attack for big damage, and we high five.

……How can I remind them of their abilities and such, without invoking the feeling that I’m playing their character for them? Because I don’t want that.

At the same time, in the back of my mind, I’m going full Thanos and thinking, “Fine, I’ll do it myself” and tossing around characters that’re totally OP so the enemies can die before we suffer a TPK. Ha ha big numbers go brrrrr.

Cards with the abilities described on them, one card per ability?

Sometime you need to have the stuff in front of you rather than written in little on your character sheet.

[Mastikator]

I agree with spell cards and ability cards. I also find having good character sheet organization helps a lot (put only titles in big letters on the front, descriptions on the back). But keep in mind that it's not your job to babysit other fully grown adults at your hobby table. The player only has one job (insert loki_you_had_one_job.gif here), it's to know what their character does. I too find it hard to resist giving helpful advice to struggling players but if it's one thing I've learned it's that people are resentful and ungrateful if you give unsolicited help. Never help anyone who didn't ask for it. It's just a game, better their character dies than the player becomes angry at you.

[stoutstien]

When fighting a not-entirely-hostile elder dragon, they were talking about how it was hard to deal with a flying enemy. The dragon promptly yelled "You don't have a plan? You claim to fight against the Aaracokra, and you don't have a plan to fight flying enemies? What fools!" (or something like that)
2 or 3 sessions later they found crafting help, and now everyone has a Broom of Flying. The Paladin also has started Misty Stepping onto the backs of large flying creatures and then smiting them while Hasted.


Can you post an image or example of what that looks like? I am having a lot of trouble picturing this in my head.
I'm not dyslexic, but my wife is and I want to be ready in case my kids are.

Im away from any real material but it's basically two circles with one inside the other or beside each other. The inner one has spell slots and the outside one is my spells prepared that are color coded by casting time and both can spin. I can work from one center point better than a list so it's like a mind map.

[Spriteless]

This is why I ask players to write their own character sheets, increases the chance of the info making it into the brain.

[jaappleton]

We all play online via Roll20, and D&D Beyond.

So... The character sheet suggestions, while that'd normally be an amazing idea, not super helpful in this instance.

I do think the idea of saying things in-character is a decent approach to take, but it has to be handled a particular way. Can't be condescending, or abrasive, or aggressive.

[Unoriginal]

We all play online via Roll20, and D&D Beyond.

So... The character sheet suggestions, while that'd normally be an amazing idea, not super helpful in this instance.

I do think the idea of saying things in-character is a decent approach to take, but it has to be handled a particular way. Can't be condescending, or abrasive, or aggressive.

You could suggest everyone having their abilities open in different tabs. Say it's something you want to try after reading about it on a forum.

[da newt]

For roll20 on PC a dual monitor setup can be very handy visually - one screen for the map/chat, one screen for your character sheet / spell list.

[Ogun]

My life partner is doing this right now.
I will be making up a druid cheat sheet, but it irks me-they have been playing since 2nd edition, and know better.
I wouldn't even care if they were willing to be ineffective, but they are stalling the game searching for what they can do that will be effective.
If you don't know what to do,cast a cantrip or shoot a crossbow and let's get on with it.
If the game isn't interesting enough prepare for, maybe don't play?
Not that I would SAY that.

Sorry for being unhelpful...

[Waterdeep Merch]

Not to be mean, but... they need to die.

Their characters, I mean. And not in some kind of horrible one-sided stomp, but a sort of 'you had every opportunity to live and, through your own choices, failed to do so'. Some other sort of consequence is fine too (and the jailbreak session is a classic), and their situation need not be irreversible. This is D&D, death is a revolving door anyway.

I had a player that forgot to rage as a barbarian during a dangerous fight. He died, horribly, as the rest of the party did everything they could to try and save him in what was very nearly a TPK. He was upset over it, of course, but this was the very last time he ever forgot to rage. Failing makes you reconsider your efforts, and drives home lessons better than success does. If you're a wizard with shield and forgetting to cast it in front of a boss one time made you wait in line at the afterlife for the local church to resurrect, you're probably never going to forget about it again.

As an allied player? Allow for failure, even catastrophic failure. Embrace it. Let your fellow party members succeed or, more importantly, fail on their own terms. You'll get one or two ugly combats, and then things will markedly improve.

[EggKookoo]

As the DM, my players often do this. One thing I do is recap their PCs at the start of a session, with a kind of "don't forget the artificer can do X, and oh, hey, warlock, I was looking at your class features in after our last session and I didn't realize you could do Y (even if I knew full well that they can), that's so cool!"

It puts the players into a mindset that they should take stock in what their PCs can do, right at the start of the session. Ever since I started doing that, I've been getting better results. Of course, now sometimes it goes too far, like the bard that's now addicted to slow ("you're gonna burn through your slots!"). But at least she's engaged...

[Mastikator]

We all play online via Roll20, and D&D Beyond.

So... The character sheet suggestions, while that'd normally be an amazing idea, not super helpful in this instance.

I do think the idea of saying things in-character is a decent approach to take, but it has to be handled a particular way. Can't be condescending, or abrasive, or aggressive.

So they literally have all the resources at their fingertips and directly on their eyeballs, with details and tooltips and everything.

I'm with Waterdeep Merch, let them die. Just don't let their laziness get your character killed.

[Segev]

I still think just doing the "did you remember you could spend a bonus action to aim?" kinds of things the very first time they seem to have forgotten it (and every time thereafter) is the best solution. If they haven't forgotten it, they'll tell you why they didn't do it.

[Grod_The_Giant]

I do think the idea of saying things in-character is a decent approach to take, but it has to be handled a particular way. Can't be condescending, or abrasive, or aggressive.
The best way is probably to talk to the players first-- "I notice you forget about these abilities a lot, would it help if I chime in to remind you sometimes?" Online gaming actually has a slight advantage in that regard, since you can send a private message directly to the person in question.

Ultimately, there's only so much you can do. I ran a campaign for a bunch of d&d newbies who had this same sort of problem, and I never really found a way to help. I provided lots of different character sheets and memory aids and came to the conclusion that anything of that nature has to come from the player's side. You can help them design something, but no amount of external handouts will really penetrate.

[jaappleton]

UPDATE

Well... something unexpected happened.

I spoke with each person individually. And they all had essentially the same answer:

"Please suggest things. I don't know this class / subclass / etc well enough to make the best of it, so if you think there's a way to get results in a more efficient way, please tell me."

So... Suggest. Please.
And of course, don't demand.

I believe this is likely the best result there could have been.

[Witty Username]

The last time this came up for me it was a character sheet issue. Our solution is I made notecards, one for the player having difficulty and one so another player could reference as needed. It ended up teaching the entire table how to play the character in a few sessions.
But again that was a sheet issue.

[Kane0]

Maybe take the character's sheets and turn them into statblocks? You can even put all the non-combat stuff (bonds, flaws, loot, etc) on the reverse side so they can literally flip from combat to noncombat mode.

Other than that, spell and ability cards?

[Sparky McDibben]

Maybe try running a throwaway combat 1:1 for each person? Kind of like the tutorial for the video game? You can be the big floating disembodied hand that bobs over a portion of their character sheet. The idea being that once a player knows, "OK, this is my bread-and-butter, this is what I can do even if I have no idea what's the best move."

By the way, what level is the party?

[Cheesegear]

This is one of mine. In addition to my character sheet, I have this as well, every time combat starts.

Fighter 2 / Paladin 3

Action Surge (1/rest). Gain an additional Action on your turn!!!

Divine Smite. When you hit with a Melee attack, use a spell slot to deal extra radiant damage, plus more damage to Undead and Fiends.

Channel Divinity (1/rest)** You can choose which one to use.

ACTIONS
Divine Sense (3/day). Self, 60 ft. Know the location of Celestials, Fiends and Undead.
Lay on Hands (15/day). (S) Touch. Heal up to the maximum amount. Also can cure Poison and Disease.
**Abjure Enemy. (VSM). 60 ft. Target makes WIS save or Frightened. Can't move. Fiends and Undead get Disadvantage. 1 minute.

BONUS ACTIONS
Two-Weapon Fighting. Attack using your other weapon, but only if both weapons are Light.
Second Wind (1/rest). Heal 1d10+2 HPs.
**Vow of Enmity. (V) 10 ft. Gain advantage on attack rolls for a minute. lol.

REACTIONS (One, until the end of your next turn)
Oppurtunity Attack. Attack a creature that runs away from you.
Fighting Style; Protection. Imposes disadvantage on a creature's attack rolls.

...That's a thing I just made for myself.

When I DM (which is all the time, now), I sometimes make 'combat sheets' for players who make complicated characters that they don't know how to use (because they got the build off the 'net).

[5eNeedsDarksun]

Some players are better than others, but...
There are a couple of systemic things with 5e that do not help.
1) Character advancement is too fast and players generally do not get a lot of time at any level develop strategies for one skill set before adding more abilities.
2) The default character sheets are garbage, not just bad, garbage. Most of the space on the first page is taken up by things that are absolutely useless in a pressure situation: background info, equipment lists, etc. The tiny box with about 4 lines and 3 columns for attacks should be at least 1/3 of the page, and would be better if it was 1/2. This would provide room for the most common 95% of attacks, spells, turning, etc for characters up to tier 3. The second thing that needs to be there is totally missing: a table listing Bonus Actions and Reactions with triggers. With just these 2 things in front of them I think most players wouldn't mess up so much and would probably make decisions quicker as well.

[Imbalance]

If the great Matt Mercer couldn't solve this, can anyone?

I'm not a CR fan, really only started because covid, but this very problem among certain cast members has caused me actively dislike the show on many occasions. They finally wrapped and I eventually caught up, and I got a great laugh when, after somebody cast bless or something, and half of them go, "what does that do again?" - somebody actually said, "the same thing it has done for the last 140 episodes." I'm glad it's over.

Losing your cognitive grasp of your character's capabilities probably happens to every player at some point. It may be partly that some people lack the capacity to process so many options under pressure, and it can certainly be due to a lack of preparation. A lot of it, in my opinion, does have to do with the interface, whether using official sheets or the layout of DNDBeyond, etc., and few people really even question whether there exists a better way. I'm not trying to paint those options as bad, just that they're clearly not for everyone. The most effective player at my table uses no sheet or app at all, but a full on notebook. He has not only written out every spell at his sorcerer's disposal, but also listed out appropriate uses for them. I'm not sure how you would teach others to follow a like example, and it's frustrating to me to have to try to bolster the other players sometimes without unduly restricting him. But that would be my strongest suggestion: encourage them to try something, anything else to organize their character before them, until they find a way that best suits their understanding and makes it easier to find the relevant information when they need to.

[Guy Lombard-O]

Im away from any real material but it's basically two circles with one inside the other or beside each other. The inner one has spell slots and the outside one is my spells prepared that are color coded by casting time and both can spin. I can work from one center point better than a list so it's like a mind map.

I can basically picture this, but I'd still love it if you could post a picture of PDF of the actual thing. Because, that's awesome!

[J-H]

This is one of mine. In addition to my character sheet, I have this as well, every time combat starts.

...That's a thing I just made for myself.

When I DM (which is all the time, now), I sometimes make 'combat sheets' for players who make complicated characters that they don't know how to use (because they got the build off the 'net).


The default character sheets are garbage, not just bad, garbage. Most of the space on the first page is taken up by things that are absolutely useless in a pressure situation: background info, equipment lists, etc. The tiny box with about 4 lines and 3 columns for attacks should be at least 1/3 of the page, and would be better if it was 1/2. This would provide room for the most common 95% of attacks, spells, turning, etc for characters up to tier 3. The second thing that needs to be there is totally missing: a table listing Bonus Actions and Reactions with triggers. With just these 2 things in front of them I think most players wouldn't mess up so much and would probably make decisions quicker as well.

I looked around on the DM's Guild, and didn't find any character sheets like this.
I think for "Cast a Spell" I might add a summary of "Buff allies, Heal allies, Debuff enemies, Damage enemies, Summon, Mobility, Manipulate Environment" to get casters thinking outside their box.

On the DM's Guild, I did run across a character sheet made with OpenDyslexic font. My wife was happy to hear that the font existed. I'd never heard of it before now.

[Phhase]

(Rant, my players sometimes have a similar problem)

As a person that tends to have the exact inverse problem (Unable NOT to try and find the best solution every problem, regardless of RP and IC Int score, as well as the tendency to hoard abilities, items, and features to a fault), situations like this deal 1d12 psychic damage to me at the end of each turn. I understand forgetting something you had in the moment, it happens to everyone , especially if you stuff your bag of tricks overfull like I do. I understand choice paralysis. What I don't understand is how one can disengage like this and then be surprised by the outcome every time. Something something the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting something to change. It just....it makes me mad.

Like. Why are you here???? Do you even care??? Did you even read a single line of the PHB?? What is making it so hard to connect the dots?? WHY AREN'T YOU EVEN TRYING TO THINK?????


Sigh. Ok, I'm done. I don't mean to be mean, I just had to get it out. /Rant.

On the more constructive side, I do have some suggestions that have worked for me somewhat. My group is slowly improving, they all at least have default actions they're used to taking.

At the beginning of someone's turn, I prompt them with "X just happened. What will you do?", where X is what the character just before them did.

If they waffle with an expected "uh.....what can I do", you can prompt them further with "What are your class features? You could attack. You could cast a spell. You could move. Or something else, if you like."

If they still seem lost, it's important to give them a moment to try and recover on their own. If they are still unable, reinform them of the current situation, ie "You're attacking an orc camp at night. It is dark. You are on top of the wall and have encountered guards. One is near an alarm, one is blocking your path. What will you do?"

If a player makes an egregiously bad decision, you have two choices. The first is best when the bad choice stems from misunderstanding due to lack of information (and often a lack of even the most basic questions). For example, recalling the previous example, if nobody tries to stop the guard near the alarm from setting it off, you could say "Note that there IS a guard directly beside the alarm. You are all attacking the guard that is not."

If however, the bad choice stems from a simple lack of critical thinking, you should let it happen, to establish that poor choices result in consequences. Recalling the previous example again, a player has decided to cast Thunderwave to toss aside the blocking guard. A valid response would be "You cast Thunderwave. The guard is knocked away by the concussive force. As the terrific explosion of sonic energy you created echos through the camp, you hear shouts of alarm, and horns. It seems you have awoken the orc camp and made excruciatingly clear what is happening, and where."

Another solution to poorly considered choices, short of killing the player in question, is to hand them a lasting injury. Sever a limb, perhaps. Cause a wound infection. Give them frostbite. When you do, of course, it must only be in circumstances where it is excruciatingly clear that they wanted to go through with their decision, that they could've backed out at any point, and that this is simply the direct result of their actions. There should be a path to recovery, of course, but there should be no way around carrying the weight of the injury for a time.

If you keep your players constantly informed about the current state of affairs, that helps to keep them engaged, and with any luck, eventually, they'll start remembering how to do things on their own. Essentially, don't give openings to disengage.

If that doesn't help (fair warning, it may take some time, be patient), then consider implementing a combat timer to force engagement, or at least to periodically remind a lagging player that they're burning time and combat must proceed.

If you've done your utmost in the other areas and the problem persists, then you have full license to simply ask players what their problems are, and how you can help. You can't be expected to play their characters for them forever.

Make certain, of course, that they understand they have choices outside of what you recommend - at the end of the day, everything they do is their choice, not yours. To assist this, I make liberal use of "So you want to X, is that right? That's what you're going to do?" where X is what they decided on doing.

This is all from a DM perspective of course. Some of these tricks may work from a player perspective as well, but some may not. On the other hand, a player perspective opens the opportunity to simply play a character who takes leadership (as long as you consistently make sure that it's ok). Think of a general that sets up the battle field, asking some to flank, asking wizards to cast certain spells, etc. Of course, when they succeed, a good commander must recognize the prowess of his soldiers. Be sure to raise them up when you give commands, not bring them down.

That's about all. Just keep everyone informed. Make sure they know what's happening, and what they're capable of.

[Cheesegear]

If they waffle with an expected "uh.....what can I do", you can prompt them further with "What are your class features? You could attack. You could cast a spell. You could move. Or something else, if you like."

If they're doing this more than once a combat, they should have a sheet in front of them that tells them what they can do:

Attack
Cast a Spell

Dash
Disengage
Dodge

Help
Hide
Search

Use an Object

Ready

Then, if you have a complicated class or character, you would then insert your class actions into your actions list. Then as I said, you put in your Bonus Actions and Reactions, too. This list can get quite long at higher levels...And because that list of Actions is so long, is exactly why you need it as a reference in the first place.

Unfortunately, it's very, very unlikely that your players will take it upon themselves to do this. You, the DM, have to do this.


If they still seem lost, it's important to give them a moment to try and recover on their own...

If they're not recovering, it's because your bombarding them with complicated information:
'There is a hostile 35 ft. away, what do you do?' is all that's necessary.


If you keep your players constantly informed about the current state of affairs...

If a player is not engaged, then you need to keep them constantly informed about the current state of their character.


If that doesn't help (fair warning, it may take some time, be patient), then consider implementing a combat timer to force engagement

IMO, that's the worst possible option. All's that does is cause stress, and make a player distressed about how long they take, causing them to ignore their character, and instead, defaulting to choices that they know; Which will lead to dumb things like a Wizard taking an Attack action, instead of casting Fire Bolt. Because they now know that combat isn't about making the correct choices, it's about making fast choices. That's not necessarily a bad thing. But if your players are disengaging, then forcing them to make decisions that they don't entirely understand ain't it, chief.

I would love to force a combat timer on my experienced players. But I know that they wouldn't like it.
Putting a combat timer on inexperienced players!? ...Just...No.

[KorvinStarmast]

If they're doing this more than once a combat, they should have a sheet in front of them that tells them what they can do:

Attack
Cast a Spell

Dash
Disengage
Dodge

Help
Hide
Search

Use an Object

Ready
Or you can put it on the DM screen, on the side facing the players, so that they can all see it. Next to it have:
Action, Move, Interact with object (1 free), Bonus Action, Reaction as a reminder of the five elements of action economy.

[Segev]

Or you can put it on the DM screen, on the side facing the players, so that they can all see it. Next to it have:
Action, Move, Interact with object (1 free), Bonus Action, Reaction as a reminder of the five elements of action economy.

I think this sort of thing is best on each player's sheet, or at least in their space. They're not looking at (and squinting to read) the DM screen while thinking about their turns.

[J-H]

I made a first pass at an Action-Oriented Reference sheet.
This is not a character sheet replacement, but a supplement to sit on top of the character sheet. Gold, how skills are calculated, spell slots, detailed racial features, etc., aren't on here.


https://i.ibb.co/FXccdRn/Action-sheet-6-21-21.jpg (https://ibb.co/BGvvY0w)


It's designed for people to hand-write in all their other stuff (casters with Shield for reactions, Monks put in Deflect Arrows, Martial arts, etc.). I specifically included an Attack Rider section to help people remember Smites, Stunning Fists, etc.

Use-Activate Items is for potions, wands, items that cast a spell X/day, magic arrows, etc. I'm not sure how many of these the party has picked up and forgotten, but there have been quite a few.

Did I miss anything important?

[Cheesegear]

Did I miss anything important?

I can't spot anything off the top of my head.

The only thing I can spot is Man Dice - more of my characters need to have Man Dice. I don't know what they are or how you get them. But I want them.

[Reynaert]

I made a first pass at an Action-Oriented Reference sheet.
This is not a character sheet replacement, but a supplement to sit on top of the character sheet. Gold, how skills are calculated, spell slots, detailed racial features, etc., aren't on here.

It's designed for people to hand-write in all their other stuff (casters with Shield for reactions, Monks put in Deflect Arrows, Martial arts, etc.). I specifically included an Attack Rider section to help people remember Smites, Stunning Fists, etc.

Use-Activate Items is for potions, wands, items that cast a spell X/day, magic arrows, etc. I'm not sure how many of these the party has picked up and forgotten, but there have been quite a few.

Did I miss anything important?

Very nice!

One thing I see is the description of the 'Disengage' action. It seems to imply that you can disengage from an enemy, but if you then run past another enemy they get an OA (something I've seen happen in several streamed games on YT). I would instead simply write 'Prevent opportunity attacks' (perhaps with 'for this turn' or something)
Another is that the wording of 'Move' doesn't indicate that you can split up into multiple moves; it even seems to imply that 'move' is an atomic action.

Both of these are (I think) common rule misunderstandings, so making them specific would seem wise.

[Xoronis]

I wonder if a flow chart would be helpful, that way you could point out different options in different scenarios. A Rogue is a good example, since they have so many options with Cunning Action, you could do something like: Can you reach the opponent after moving?->No->BA Dash->Attack, Can you reach the opponent after moving?->Yes->BA Aim->Attack

[J-H]

Very nice!

One thing I see is the description of the 'Disengage' action. It seems to imply that you can disengage from an enemy, but if you then run past another enemy they get an OA (something I've seen happen in several streamed games on YT). I would instead simply write 'Prevent opportunity attacks' (perhaps with 'for this turn' or something)
Another is that the wording of 'Move' doesn't indicate that you can split up into multiple moves; it even seems to imply that 'move' is an atomic action.

Both of these are (I think) common rule misunderstandings, so making them specific would seem wise.

Thanks, I have fixed these on my version. Now how do I make it prettified so it looks better at the table?

Not sure yet.

[Demonslayer666]

Player Cheat sheet that outlines what you can do on your turn (action, bonus action, move, interaction, and reaction). Mine also has move costs, light sources, resting, action and interaction examples, healing potion amounts, cover, and other little stuff. All fits nicely on one page and I make sure one is handy while playing. My players still try to take 5' steps, every single combat.

Abilities by rest and abilities by action. My custom character sheet has both. Abilities by rest helps track usage and makes recovery easy. Abilities by action simply lists out all bonus actions and reactions, and nonstandard actions. This makes them all very easy to reference round to round. My sheet also have a lot of room for features.

I also ask my players if they are done with their turn and remind them they didn't spend their bonus action. I don't usually tell them "you could have done x" with the bonus action. I leave that up to them.

[Devils_Advocate]

My life partner is doing this right now.
I will be making up a druid cheat sheet, but it irks me-they have been playing since 2nd edition, and know better.
I wouldn't even care if they were willing to be ineffective, but they are stalling the game searching for what they can do that will be effective.
If you don't know what to do,cast a cantrip or shoot a crossbow and let's get on with it.
If the game isn't interesting enough prepare for, maybe don't play?
Not that I would SAY that.
I feel like there has to be middle ground in between insulting someone and letting your resentment simmer. Something like...

"It bothers me how often you slow down the game with how long it takes you to decide what to do on your turn. Could you please try to be better prepared, and to have a few simple default actions to use if no other opportunity obviously presents itself? I feel like you've been taking away from everyone's fun a little by disrupting the smooth flow of action."

Something like that? Maybe?