Help me build team duncewaffle!

[Quertus]

I've wanted an excuse to use the term "duncewaffle" ever since I first read it. And now I have an excuse.

Your mission, should you accept it, is to submit a character (preferably a recognizable one, but I guess we'll take your word for it if it's from your home game) who is so incomprehensibly incompetent, we'll all agree at how badly they'll fail at relatively simple tasks.

And we should probably work on a "same game test" for them to fail.

I'll post my actual 1st thought for the "duncewaffle" title later (if no one else mentions them first); for now, I'll spoil a sample entry and my actual 1st thought for a challenge (spoiled in case you want to stop reading now and think about it unbiased).

Entry: Shaggy (Scooby Doo)

Shaggy has no powers to speak of. He's skilled at running, disguise, and fast-taking/bluff. He might have some detective / observation skills, but I think it's mostly just dumb luck.

Shaggy is likely to fail (albeit not entirely through being a duncewaffle) because he is lazy, cowardly, and generally useless.

Challenge: the epic challenge of the locked door

Because I had to.

Shaggy vs the epic challenge of the locked door

Afaik, Shaggy has no skills (or tools) to allow him to pick the lock or otherwise approach this task as a tool-user. He's a weak featherweight, so bashing the door down is unlikely for any but the weakest of doors.

He is, however, reasonably athletic, and not opposed to a little B&E, so he could likely check for an open window, and even climb to it were such on a higher floor.

Plus, he's very lucky, and not opposed to just knocking.

So, Playground, what ideas for duncewaffles and challenges for them to fail have you got?

[Pauly]

Sir Morris (The Big Knights)
The height if 2 men, the weight of 4, the strength of 16 … not the finest swordsman, but the most enthusiastic.

Sir Morris -v- The locked door.
https://youtu.be/iTAtwBQ45EA
Sir Boris “We will rescue the princesses with knightly skill”,
Sir Morris *kicks door*

*whole tower is shifting from the battering ram*
Sir Morris “The door’s giving way!”

Sir Boris “Just two turns Morris”.
Sir Morris” That won’t be enough you need to wind it maximum”

“You have to use maximum strength that's the way to get things done”

[Telok]

Most of the time I see them its the player. However, I did see one in Dungeons the Dragoning that was... impressive. DtD is a roll & keep system using up to 10d10, roll skill + stat number of dice and keep stat number of dice (with few exceptions all stuff caps at 5). Its also a monsterous mash-up of D&D, WH49k Exalted, the WoD games, and has a bunch of other bits scavenged from other games.

The character was a dragonborn (d&d standard) dragon-blooded (exalted type, becomes more dragon-y as they level up) brawler with a power fist (inertial amplification force field tank punching melee weapon) and power armor. The character had good constitution, strength, and willpower, but crap intelligence, wisdom, and social attributes (there's 3 of them in DtD). We're talking 1/5s in mental & social stats, with stats being your kept dice. Worse, the character wasn't proficient in their armor and weapons. For the brawling it wasn't bad, it just lost a couple rolled dice and still kept 5, but being non-proficient in the heaviest armor in the game tanked the character's "ac" equivalent and dodging to zero. A pesron with literally zero combat ability still hit him 9/10 times, and even the best armor ain't gonna save you from everything. Even more amusing, or "horrifying" if you like, the character had no ranged combat ability in a game where the first combat of the game started with a rocket launcher sniper at a 200m distance.

TLDR: Social and mental capabilities about half that of a random peasant. Gets hit by everything in combat and relies on good-not-great armor vs regular guns & swords. No defense or resistance to magics. Can punch tanks but can't functionally participate in ranged combat. Cannot make technology, medical, any knowledge, magic, stealth, or drive/pilot checks (pretty good at jumping and swimming tho).

[KorvinStarmast]

Elan, from OoTS. (And in particular, the On The Origin of the PCs prequel Elan)
As to the challenge,
the locked door
here's how he handles it
He waits for Haley to unlock the door for him.
Elan's not a bard, {Crocodile Dundee Voice} this guy's a bard (https://youtu.be/PMQNqBB7Am4). :smallcool: (For the original AM radio version, start at time 3:55)

[TeChameleon]

Not sure I'd call him a duncewaffle, exactly, but... Rincewind the Wizzard from the Discworld, the most incompetent magic-user this side of Orko?

Rincewind has the magical talent of a not-especially-bright rock, a knack for languages, and a turn of speed that would startle a jackrabbit. Otherwise he's about as athletic as you'd expect a Disc wizard to be (vis. a chain-smoking glutton who considers excercise to be something that happens to other people).

If Rincewind encountered a locked door, his most likely response was to decide that it was locked for a reason, and just leave to find something less exciting to do. Either that or be herded into it by his Luggage, I guess, which would either batter the door down or smash directly through the wall, depending on mood and which was the most direct path through.

[SimonMoon6]

Well, there's Kyle Rayner, the 90's Green Lantern.

How dumb is he?

Here's his challenge. He was told by Superboy that a certain villain was vulnerable to iron. So how did he use his Green Lantern ring to attack this villain?

He used his ring to create an energy construct in the shape of an iron (for ironing clothes). He then used that iron to hit the villain. It didn't work.

[MeimuHakurei]

Dave the Barbarian, from the show of the same name. He is big and muscular like you would expect from a barbarian, but he's a big softie and an even bigger coward, being highly sensitive to violence and absolutely unwilling to stand up to dangerous foes.

Opening a locked door would probably not work because he doesn't want to be rude to the owner or anger them about property damage.

Put him up against any kind of monster with a remotely threatening form of attack and his way of dealing with it is to run away.

[TeChameleon]

Well, there's Kyle Rayner, the 90's Green Lantern.

How dumb is he?

Here's his challenge. He was told by Superboy that a certain villain was vulnerable to iron. So how did he use his Green Lantern ring to attack this villain?

He used his ring to create an energy construct in the shape of an iron (for ironing clothes). He then used that iron to hit the villain. It didn't work.
Is Kyle dumb? Maybe... but he's not Hal Jordan dumb (thatsmyskull.blogspot.com/2006/07/hal-jordan-head-injury-project.html).

That being said, Kyle is absolutely broken powerful- he's taken out the entire Justice League by accident (created a villain from his subconscious that thrashed the entire League), moved the entire island of Manhattan to make a breakwater for a tidal wave, then put it back, and has re-formed his broken ring by raw willpower.

EDIT- Oh! How could I forget?

Groo (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groo_the_Wanderer)!

Groo is possibly the greatest swordsman in all of fiction; his solution to encountering a Hydra was to whack off heads too fast for it to respond, until the thing looked like some kind of mutant broccoli and tipped over from the weight of its own craniums. If he encounters two battling armies, he'll fight them both at the same time so that the fun will last longer. His response to a dragon is 'Why all the fuss? It is just one dragon...' He has, to the best of my knowledge, never lost a swordfight (although he's had one or two interrupted so the outcome was inconclusive... granted, most of those were against his... for lack of a better term 'love interest' Chakaal, who he doesn't actually want to fight).

With that being said, why does he belong on team Duncewaffle?

Two reasons. One, he has the worst luck in the multiverse; he can cause ships to sink just by setting foot on them, he can accidentally knock down buildings just by being in the area, and he almost never fails to do the worst thing possible in whatever situation he's in.

The other reason is because he is an utter, utter imbecile. In an encounter with a mind-reading sorceror, we got a full page of the sorceror grimacing with effort before he screamed "THERE'S NOTHING TO READ!" and fled. A running gag is him going "What did s/he mean, slow of mind?" long after somebody called him slow of mind (I think the record was 20+ years after being called 'slow of mind' in a flashback). A lot of his bad luck is because he's a moron.

So, Duncewaffle material?

[SimonMoon6]

Is Kyle dumb? Maybe... but he's not Hal Jordan dumb (thatsmyskull.blogspot.com/2006/07/hal-jordan-head-injury-project.html).

Hal wasn't dumb. He was unlucky in rather goofy ways. Like, he'd slip in the shower and hit his head, knocking himself unconscious, necessitating his ring finding someone else to go help the Justice League that day. Or, right in the middle of a battle, a newspaper would fly up into his face, distracting him. That's not stupidity, that's just wacky moments that aren't his fault. Is he a klutz? Yes. Is he dumb? No.

Hal would always show his cleverness in dealing with problems. This was highlighted by the fact that early Hal really had to deal with the ring having a "necessary impurity" that left it powerless against yellow. And Hal had to deal with a LOT of yellow things, even the Shark having an "invisible yellow" force field somehow. And yet, despite not being able to simply power his way through every situation, Hal was able to constantly figure out a way to triumph, no matter how difficult the situation.

The one time Kyle had to use Hal's old ring with the yellow weakness, Kyle couldn't handle it at all.

Kyle might be able to power his way through problems, but he can NEVER think his way through problems.

[KorvinStarmast]

Another addition to Team Duncewaffle: Peregrin Took
Prosecution rests, your honor. :smallcool:

[Pauly]

EDIT- Oh! How could I forget?

Groo (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groo_the_Wanderer)!

…

With that being said, why does he belong on team Duncewaffle?

…

So, Duncewaffle material?

I had to choose between Groo and Sir Morris. Both fit the not too bright but can hit really hard slot. I gave Sir Morris the nod because he’s voiced by Brian Blessed.

[TeChameleon]

Hal wasn't dumb. He was unlucky in rather goofy ways. Like, he'd slip in the shower and hit his head, knocking himself unconscious, necessitating his ring finding someone else to go help the Justice League that day. Or, right in the middle of a battle, a newspaper would fly up into his face, distracting him. That's not stupidity, that's just wacky moments that aren't his fault. Is he a klutz? Yes. Is he dumb? No.

Hal would always show his cleverness in dealing with problems. This was highlighted by the fact that early Hal really had to deal with the ring having a "necessary impurity" that left it powerless against yellow. And Hal had to deal with a LOT of yellow things, even the Shark having an "invisible yellow" force field somehow. And yet, despite not being able to simply power his way through every situation, Hal was able to constantly figure out a way to triumph, no matter how difficult the situation.

The one time Kyle had to use Hal's old ring with the yellow weakness, Kyle couldn't handle it at all.

Kyle might be able to power his way through problems, but he can NEVER think his way through problems.

Ehhh... *hand waggle*

I'm not sure that Hal overcoming weird Silver-Age limitations in his powers is a real testament to his cleverness; that was a borderline generic requirement for superheroes of that era. It was a staple of comics in those days to the point that even characters that were supposed to be sorta dumb did it. And... I mean, when Hal got suckered out of his ring on an alien planet by Sinestro, his response was to try and beat Sinestro to death with his bare hands, which, while impressive, isn't necessarily particularly clever.

[SimonMoon6]

I'm not sure that Hal overcoming weird Silver-Age limitations in his powers is a real testament to his cleverness; that was a borderline generic requirement for superheroes of that era.

Well, I would just have to disagree. The thing is that superheroes of that era were routinely shown as being smart. None of them were dumb. They all ended up having to use their intelligence to save the day almost every time. I think that heroes of the modern era have become a lot less intelligent across the board, which I find to be a shame.

A lot of it has to do with the "Bat God" fiasco, where Batman has suddenly become the only one who can be smart (because, let's face it, he's got nothing else going for him), so that means that nobody else can be smart. Ever. Batman just sucks the intelligence out of the room every time he appears. So, Superman's now just a big dummy who's strong, tough, and flies, but he never outsmarts the badguys anymore. He just punches and struggles and maybe he wins. There was a time when Superman and Batman would create mysteries for each other to solve, where they could each show off their intelligence. But now, only Batman can be smart.

But I think another problem is that the modern crop of writers aren't smart in that particular way anymore. Many of the old writers came from a science fiction background and so they were detail oriented people for whom the details of the plot mattered, rather than artsy-fartsy people for whom the plot is unimportant as long as characterization and emotions happen. To show off a hero's intelligence, you have to present them with difficult problems that they have to use their intelligence to overcome. But if the writers have no interest in that sort of plot element (or if they are simply not intelligent enough to write a clever character doing clever things), then the characters never get to show off any intelligence, which leads inexorably to the conclusion (whether true or false) that the hero doesn't have any intelligence to speak of, since it was never shown (just as many people have a hard time with the concept that Wonder Woman always had Flash-level superspeed... she just rarely used it since she had so many other powers and equipment items to use on a given adventure).



It was a staple of comics in those days to the point that even characters that were supposed to be sorta dumb did it.

I don't recall any major superheroes of the Silver Age era being "supposed to be sorta dumb"*. It feels like you're starting with the conclusion that they're dumb and then dismissing any evidence that would disprove that theory.

And I would argue that since it's a staple that heroes of that era had these issues to deal with constantly, and that since those heroes regularly overcame these issues, that's a clear sign that none of them are dumb since they were smart enough to handle any intellectual challenge that came their way. They couldn't simply overpower their opponents. (And of course, this was a narrative necessity since heroes of that era were vastly more powerful than any heroes today, so they had to have a weakness so that they could encounter setbacks, but they would then use their vast intelligence to overcome those setbacks.)

Heroes without such weaknesses never get a chance to show that they could ever be smart and so they seem dumb. And that's not even taking into account how, when Kyle was given Hal's old ring and had to deal with a yellow weakness, he was utterly incompetent (as per usual, really), which can only show that Kyle is a million times less intelligent that Hal was, so if you think Hal's not that bright, Kyle should be sitting in the corner eating paste.

Or, like, how classic Superman had to deal with kryptonite on almost every adventure (and succeeded because he was smart), but movie Superman has to deal with kryptonite once and gets totally owned by some rich loser with no powers. Movie Superman is a moron compared to classic Superman.



And... I mean, when Hal got suckered out of his ring on an alien planet by Sinestro, his response was to try and beat Sinestro to death with his bare hands, which, while impressive, isn't necessarily particularly clever.

I'll admit that Hal was often headstrong. That was part of his characterization as a man without fear, since back then, you could only be a Green Lantern if you were completely fearless.

But still, without recalling the exact story in question to which you are referring, I'll just comment that Hal regularly dealt with situations where he didn't have access to his ring (or it wasn't functioning due to yellow issues or time limit issues) through the use of brute force. But he was often successful. He was a remarkably good hand-to-hand combatant for someone who wasn't shown to have been given special martial arts training or anything. He was just a great brawler. So, relying on one of his known tactics that has often been successful is not necessarily a foolish thing to do. And if there is no more clever tactic that one could employ (again, I don't recall the exact storyline that is being referred to, so I can't say if there were or were not any other clever tactics to use), then using a not-particularly-clever-but-still-likely-to-succeed tactic would seem like the only reasonable choice. Sometimes even Sherlock Holmes has to punch somebody.


----------------------------------------------
* The closest I can come are Timber Wolf (not a major character and only really shown as dumb in the Bronze Age) who was considered the Legionnaire least likely to find his way home without a note pinned to his shirt... and Firestorm (Ronnie Raymond) who was basically Kyle before Kyle, being a "relatable" (meaning dumbass) hero who needed help from someone else to do anything remotely well (in this case, Ronnie had Professor Stein in his head, whereas Kyle didn't have anyone), but even Firestorm is a Bronze Age hero. And neither really had a "weakness" unless you count Firestorm's inability to affect "organic" (meaning living, not just containing carbon) matter without massive feedback.

[Eldan]

Not sure I'd call him a duncewaffle, exactly, but... Rincewind the Wizzard from the Discworld, the most incompetent magic-user this side of Orko?

Rincewind has the magical talent of a not-especially-bright rock, a knack for languages, and a turn of speed that would startle a jackrabbit. Otherwise he's about as athletic as you'd expect a Disc wizard to be (vis. a chain-smoking glutton who considers excercise to be something that happens to other people).

If Rincewind encountered a locked door, his most likely response was to decide that it was locked for a reason, and just leave to find something less exciting to do. Either that or be herded into it by his Luggage, I guess, which would either batter the door down or smash directly through the wall, depending on mood and which was the most direct path through.

I mean, it was kind of retconned by later books, but in The Light Fantastic, it's revealed that he has about as much magic capacity as most wizards, and is actually fairly competent at it, it's just that all his "spell slots" (Disc magic is fairly Vancian) are taken up by one super spell. He can cast magic, he just never has empty slots to cast new spells.

And he defeated a few high-level aberrations in melee combat with an improvised weapon. And used diplomacy to calm down a high-level sorcerer who was about to end hte world.

[noob]

I mean, it was kind of retconned by later books, but in The Light Fantastic, it's revealed that he has about as much magic capacity as most wizards, and is actually fairly competent at it, it's just that all his "spell slots" (Disc magic is fairly Vancian) are taken up by one super spell. He can cast magic, he just never has empty slots to cast new spells.

And he defeated a few high-level aberrations in melee combat with an improvised weapon. And used diplomacy to calm down a high-level sorcerer who was about to end hte world.

Those high level aberrations were of the antimagic kind: they usually thrive where they land because they land in places filled with magic and of people using it(due to the way holes are made) but when in their own world deprived of magic and fighting a mage smart enough to not use magic against them it changes everything.(Ricewind is a particularly smart mage)

[Quertus]

Rincewind, Elan, and a fool of a took were among the entries I expected to see (although apparently Rincewind has a supporter who believes his candidacy is suspect at best). And I'm glad to see a PC entry (even if they're from a world… you might not understand) (and I agree it's usually the people, not the characters, that are "team duncewaffle" worthy) . The rest are unexpected - either unknown to my experience, or I simply hadn't considered them. So, lots of cool new ideas for team duncewaffle!

My own personal entry to team duncewaffle (as I said, Shaggy was just a placeholder) would be Ronald Weasley (Harry Potter movies). Not that Wizards get much education in Potter land, but, if they had such a concept as "higher education", Ron could only get in on a "football quidditch scholarship" scenario, if you know what I mean. I'll spoil a brief overview of his qualifications, for those unfamiliar with the movies.

He panicks under pressure, nearly blew their cover with Draco (seriously, how dumb do you have to be to fail at "DC Draco"… and his other experience with poly juice is rife with duncewaffle), literally cannot even handle a jigsaw puzzle of 2 pieces, and, over the course of an entire year (!) did not learn from this, still needing to be told to put it away. He also generally fails at the "friendship is magical" and "magic is magical" schools of thought, being better suited for hitting things, resolving both with all the finesse of percussive maintenance.

As if that's not bad enough, the extent of his relationship skills is saying someone else's name in bed!

Looks like we need more challenges for team duncewaffle to fail, so I'll suggest… giving someone a shave, and preparing toast.

[dysprosium]

My own personal entry to team duncewaffle (as I said, Shaggy was just a placeholder) would be Ronald Weasley (Harry Potter movies). Not that Wizards get much education in Potter land, but, if they had such a concept as "higher education", Ron could only get in on a "football quidditch scholarship" scenario, if you know what I mean.

Ron Weasley is even more of a duncewaffle than you think. I doubt he would have been able to get a quidditch scholarship considering that he didn't join the school team until year five and only got on because of Harry. They made him keeper and has been considered to be the worst at that position in school history. Arguably Ron's only positive trait is that he is Harry's friend.

[KorvinStarmast]

Arguably Ron's only positive trait is that he is Harry's friend. He's apparently a great lover, given that Hermione ends up with him and not Harry. (IIRC)
Epilogue

Nineteen years after Voldemort's downfall, Ron and Hermione have two children (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ron_Weasley): Rose Granger-Weasley, whom they are sending off to her first year at Hogwarts, and a younger son named Hugo

[noob]

Rincewind, Elan, and a fool of a took were among the entries I expected to see (although apparently Rincewind has a supporter who believes his candidacy is suspect at best). And I'm glad to see a PC entry (even if they're from a world… you might not understand) (and I agree it's usually the people, not the characters, that are "team duncewaffle" worthy) . The rest are unexpected - either unknown to my experience, or I simply hadn't considered them. So, lots of cool new ideas for team duncewaffle!

My own personal entry to team duncewaffle (as I said, Shaggy was just a placeholder) would be Ronald Weasley (Harry Potter movies). Not that Wizards get much education in Potter land, but, if they had such a concept as "higher education", Ron could only get in on a "football quidditch scholarship" scenario, if you know what I mean. I'll spoil a brief overview of his qualifications, for those unfamiliar with the movies.

He panicks under pressure, nearly blew their cover with Draco (seriously, how dumb do you have to be to fail at "DC Draco"… and his other experience with poly juice is rife with duncewaffle), literally cannot even handle a jigsaw puzzle of 2 pieces, and, over the course of an entire year (!) did not learn from this, still needing to be told to put it away. He also generally fails at the "friendship is magical" and "magic is magical" schools of thought, being better suited for hitting things, resolving both with all the finesse of percussive maintenance.

As if that's not bad enough, the extent of his relationship skills is saying someone else's name in bed!

Looks like we need more challenges for team duncewaffle to fail, so I'll suggest… giving someone a shave, and preparing toast.
What is odder is that the person suggesting rincewind as a duncewaffle explains that rincewind is smart in multiple ways.(understanding that taking risks is bad, common sense that if a door is locked it is a bad idea to try to open it, being good at speaking a lot of languages,reacting right and very quickly to new situations)
I can not really understand why anyone suggested that rincewind was deserving of that title despite lacking in magical skill because rincewind is just too cunning: even the person presenting him as a candidate starts by explaining how cunning he is.
People are saying that because you are bad at one thing you never do then you are incompetent.
Ricewind does not casts spells so his incompetence in wizardry is a non issue (If you do not look the spellcasting part rincewind is a better wizard than most others in terms of knowledge of trouble you can encounter involving magic: he is actually well studied in things that goes wrong with magic) just like how medieval knights do not tries to hack computers and so their lack of skill in hacking is a non issue.
Or maybe we should put all the knights of the round table in the duncewaffle team because none of them knows how to hack computers.

[Eldan]

I mean, yeah. You can also argue that Rincewind would make a pretty decent rogue or bard.

[TeChameleon]

Thing is, Rincewind is, in his genes (he has extra rods and cones in his eyes to be able to see the colour of magic, octarine), in his very soul, a wizard (the books make a point of this; he even semi-willingly goes into danger because the other alternative is to lose his wizard status). You have to be at least a little bit flaky to insist on being a wizard when you have quite literal negative magical potential; it would be (to continue a metaphor) like one of the Knights of the Round Table insisting on earning their living, indeed, building the entirety of their identity, around being a computer hacker despite being physically unable to use a computer.

And Rincewind is quick to react to new situations, yes... by running away. That is his default response to anything that seems even the slightest bit dangerous, and occasionally to things that aren't even slightly dangerous but seem like they have the potential to become so. He is an inveterate... bordering on invertebrate... coward, and his goal in life is to find someplace as boring as possible and settle down there while dangerous and exciting things happen to other people, for preference far away from him. In other words, his is risk-averse to the point of stupidity.

He mostly survives his adventures (and, for that matter, gets into them in the first place) because he is a favourite plaything of The Lady, one of the Discworld... slightly-more-than-deities, who plays games with the fate of mortals.

While I'll grant that he is (occasionally) a keener student of human nature than even he himself really recognizes, I really wouldn't call him 'cunning'- he's mostly a cynical coward who gets by on luck and rule of funny.

EDIT- Don't get me wrong, Rincewind is one of my favourite Discworld characters; I like him, but I would be more than a little hesitant to call him 'competent'.

[Eldan]

I mean, competent is questionable, but he's certainly not a clumsy idiot like the archetype of this thread. He has his skills, he knows his tropes, and he's very competent in a few narrow fields.

And he does have the basic wizard qualifications. He sees octarine, he knows about obscure lore, he has the capacity to cast magic.

[mucat]

Ricewind does not casts spells so his incompetence in wizardry is a non issue (If you do not look the spellcasting part rincewind is a better wizard than most others in terms of knowledge of trouble you can encounter involving magic: he is actually well studied in things that goes wrong with magic) just like how medieval knights do not tries to hack computers and so their lack of skill in hacking is a non issue.
Good points, but remember...to Rincewind himself, his incompetence at wizardry is a big deal. He's defined by being bad at magic because that's how he defines himself. He's not Rincewind the pretty-damned-competent rogue, polyglot, traveller, diplomat, and survivor; he's Rincewind the Wizzard. The one thing he will never do, even if it could win him the safe and boring life he craves, is throw away that sequinned pointy hat and give up wizardry forever.


Rincewind had always felt he had a right to exist as a wizard in the same way that you couldn’t do proper maths without the number zero, which wasn’t a number at all but, if it went away, would leave a lot of larger numbers looking bloody stupid.

[Pauly]

Another addition to Team Duncewaffle: Peregrin Took
Prosecution rests, your honor. :smallcool:

.Fool of a Took is a mere amateur in the art of Duncewaffelry.

The patron saint of Duncewaffelry is Don Quixote. For those who haven’t read the book Don Quixote in modern terms is a guy who luved all his life in his parents basement reading comic books, and on coming into an inheritance decides to buy himself a superhero cosplay outfit and then go looking for [imagined] adventure whilst ignoring the real adventures of the people around him.
Don Quixote giving someone a shave.
DQ wanders into a barber shop and finds the barber despondent. The barber asks DQ to shave him, whilst complaining his fiancé’s father is an ogre. DQ takes up the razor and declares it to be a magic sword with which he can defeat the ogre. He rushes outside and finds a rosebush topiary in the local park. DQ engages in a battle with rosebush, receiving many scratches and breaking the razor. He stumbles and knocks himself out and a large rose lands on his chest. When he wakes up the next day he declares he has slain the ogre after a bloody battle and takes the rose claiming it as the ogre’s head. Meanwhile the barber elopes with his fiancé in the dead of night is chased by the girl’s father and end up getting married seconds before the now father in law arrives at the church.

The crown prince of Duncewaffelry - Bertie Wooster.
Bertie is hard done by, most people think he’s useless because he’s stupid. I think it is fairer to say Bertie is useless because he’s never had to be useful, which explains why so many women in his life, rather against his wishes, want to turn his life upside down and ‘improve’ him. He’s independently wealthy and has no responsibilities or commitments.
Bertie Wooster making toast.
Bertie and Jeeves are swapping places because of [shenanigans].
Guest asks for toast.
Bertie. Who me? What now? Saunters off in the direction of the kitchen.
Jeeves - We’ve moved the Kitchen to right hand side of the apartment.
Bertie. Goes into the kitchen and reappears a short time later. Asks Jeeves if the bread was delivered today.
Jeeves. I believe may have been placed in the bread bin. The large white bin on the kitchen counter with the word “bread” stenciled on it in large letters.
Bertie. Oh very well.
Bertie reappears. Hair slightly singed. There appears to be something amiss with the gas cooker.
Jeeves: That would be because we have an electric stove. You may find the electric toaster useful. It is beside the bread bin.
…

As for investigating a locked door, who better than Inspector Clouseau?
Step 1: Turns door knob.. Handle does not move. Declares the door to to be locked.
Step 2. Thorough investigation of the door, involving many closeups at odd angles.
Step 3. Tries handle again. Pauses. In a fit of rage grabs the door handle plants both feet on the door frame and tries to open door by brute force.
Step 4. Shoulder charges door. Bounces off.
Step 5 Attempts to pick the lock with a bobby pin. Mangles and bends bobby pin.
Step 6. Uniformed constable who has been saying excuse me sir for 5 minutes turns lever on door knob and opens door.
Step 7 Clouseau - Good work, I was testing you.

[Quertus]

So, I asked my Evil overlord mandated 5-year-old advisor substitutes who they'd nominate for team duncewaffle, and here's what I got: Patrick , Gruncle Stan, Homer Simpson, Jar Jar, Thor. Also, I think Bart Simpson and most of the gravity falls cast (including Mable) were mentioned.

Not sure if any of them exist in RPGs… but are they duncewaffle material?

[Pauly]

So, I asked my Evil overlord mandated 5-year-old advisor substitutes who they'd nominate for team duncewaffle, and here's what I got: Patrick , Gruncle Stan, Homer Simpson, Jar Jar, Thor. Also, I think Bart Simpson and most of the gravity falls cast (including Mable) were mentioned.

Not sure if any of them exist in RPGs… but are they duncewaffle material?

I object to Patrick and Jar-Jar. They are comic sidekicks, which means they are expected to be duncewaffles. For a character to be a true duncewaffle they should be the protagonist, or at least part of the main ensemble, and success should be earned despite their flaws.
Original Bart wasn’t a duncewaffle, but as time has progressed he’s moved from “under achiever with street smarts” to “dumber than a sack of hammers”.

For a different type of duncewaffle to fill out the team I submit Pigsy from Monkey Magic (aka Journey to the West). Pigsy is a highly competent fighter and very good magician. He’s smart and has excellent tactical skills. He might come off as a little lacking compared to Monkey, but Monkey is the single most powerful character in Chinese mythos. So why does he deserve to be on team duncewaffle? Because he’s lazy, lecherous, greedy, a drunkard, and a compulsive gambler. He cannot resist temptation and falls into any trap set in his path. In D&D terms he’s a high level fighter/mage with a Wis score of 6 or less carrying a cursed item that gives a -10 check to willpower saves.
Groo, Sir Morris and Thor fit the low Int with high collateral damage fighter template. Pigsy offers a different type of duncewaffle fighter.

[TeChameleon]

I've gotta give a fairly firm pass on Grunckle Stan- he's a con artist and a trickster, and very very good at it. He's handy in a scrap, able to quickly process new (and extremely strange) information, develop solid long-term plans, and will lay down a world of hurt on you if you harm his family. Really not duncewaffle material by any stretch.

Don Quixote, Bertie Wooster and Clouseau are all worthy ducewaffles, and I applaud their addition. Hrm. Thinking about British comedy-types, would any of the Blackadder cast fit the bill? I'm not very familiar with Blackadder, so am a bit uncertain.

As to making toast:

Groo the Wanderer's attempt would be legendary.

Like the sinking of Atlantis or the pillage of Troy...

Groo would, first off, attempt to procure bread. Since he would, inevitably, not have any money, this would lead to a complicated fetch quest- complicated, mostly, by the fact that anyone who has heard of him wants nothing to do with him. After considerable wandering, he would eventually come to a place where he was either unfamiliar, or there was someone with money and no will to live. Once he had his task, he would set to it with tremendous energy and zero intelligence. Fields set to be irrigated would be under three feet of water after he diverted a river onto them as a labour-saving device, cattle set to be herded would be accidentally driven off the nearest cliff and any survivours (amongst either cattle or cowherds) scattered to the four winds, and the bandits he was sent to kill would be slaughtered so enthusiastically that three nearby townships would be levelled.

Now, armed with precisely the amount needed to buy the bread, Groo would return to the original city and attempt to buy the bread. However, since he spent months wandering and questing, it would no longer be the growing season, and prices would have gone up. Confused and irate, Groo would threaten the shopkeep into selling him the bread for the price mentioned months ago, and would happily set out with his newly-acquired loaf.

After a dazzling display of swordsmanship where the loaf was tossed into the air, Groo's sword hand appeared to twitch slightly, and the bread landed on a plate in a perfect circle of even slices, he would build his fire and set to toasting the bread on a stick.

This would last about ten seconds.

Groo would get bored, set a bunch of slices toasting on sticks balanced partway into the fire, and go to search for an unattended pig to add to the fire.

Rufferto, Groo's dog, would watch the fire for a time, then go rushing to alert his master that one of the pieces of toast has burned and crumbled to the point that it has fallen partway into the fire, dislodging some coals into the wider area, which Groo, with his customary lack of foresight, has failed to clear of flammable debris.

Groo, returning to the scene, finds several people preparing to extinguish the fire before it spreads further. Angered by this interference with his quest, Groo would chase them off while demanding an explanation. After several false starts (during which time Groo would wonder why somebody called him slow of mind just before he started this quest, several months prior), one of the would-be fire brigade manages to convince Groo that they had good reason to prevent the fire from spreading, as they were uncomfortably close to the...

*KABOOM!*

... oil storage.

Now, with a genuine disaster to help stop, Groo springs into action like the hero he isn't.

Joining the bucket brigade, he uses his enormous strength to hurl buckets clean over the burning buildings, inadvertently knock several other members of the bucket line unconscious, and finally accidentally collapse the well, rendering it useless. Panicking a little, he'll remember how he flooded the fields earlier, and decide to break the banks of the river to flood the town. Unfortunately, the ship that had been loading oil barrels, and had wisely put out from shore once the fire started, promptly gets sucked into the middle of the inferno and promptly explodes as well, spreading the fire even further, and destroying the attempts to contain the flooding as well.

At this point, Groo, sodden and bewildered, spots the person who asked him for toast in the first place, and offers him a soggy slice of bread-shaped charcoal briquette. After a long, blank stare, the person who had asked for toast, but had long since forgotten about it, begins berating Groo for destroying the town, eventually forming the lead of an angry mob that chases Groo away.

[Telok]

I have to object to Don Quixote, as he is literally addled enough to believe thats what is going on. Strip away the excellent writing and the humor and he's effectively just a delusional old man. While he'd be an ineffective adventurer due to old age and lack of actual ability, he would have the correct reactions for a romanticized knight errant if he weren't hallucinating.

[Pauly]

Just had a thought. The is Team Duncewaffle. I take it to mean it should be an adventuring party.

Based on the traditional 6 character party template.
Slots 1 and 2
2 x melee fighter. Ideally 1 should have some kind of twist to make them enhanced in some e.g. a paladin or multiclass.
Candidates
Groo (Ranger?) Sir Morris (Fighter) , Thor (Fighter) Don Quixote (Paladin?), Pigsy (Fighter/Wizard) Dave the Barbarian (Barbarian)

Slot 3
Arcane caster
Candidates
Rincewind (Wizard). Ron Weasley (Sorcerer because in HP magic is at will casting) Hal Jordan (Warlock, since I count his ring as being the equivalent of a contract for power)

Slot 4
Thief. For scouting and opening doors.
Candidates
Shaggy, Inspector Clouseau, Peregrine Took

Slot 5
Divine Healer (cleric or druid)
No candidates yet.

Slot 6
Generalist
Bertie Wooster (Bard, not just because of his pleasant light baritone and enthisiasm for musical, but because he often has to impersonate other characters, he gets bullied into some light break and enter every now and again, plus his first instinct is to talk his way out of trouble), Elan (Bard)

[TeChameleon]

Groo is considered a barbarian in his own world, but mechanically speaking, he's a two-weapon front-line fighter reliant on speed and avoidance. I'd... almost peg him as a monk with a weapons focus :smallconfused:

EDIT- Wouldn't Thor technically be a divine caster, considering? He's even done a bit of limited healing in some of his early stories.

[Eldan]

I'd say no to Blackadder. In most incarnations, his thing is that he's too smart and cynical for his own good, engaging in overelaborate plans that fail in comical ways. He's not stupid, just callous and greedy and his main problem is that he's in a comedy world that won't let him succeed.

[TeChameleon]

Weren't there some cast members in Blackadder that would qualify, though? Lord... Flashheart, or something like that, or Baldrick? I think those were some of the resident imbeciles... like I said, not that familiar with Blackadder. Should really get around to watching it one of these years...

[Pauly]

In order to add a healer to the party I offer, against my better wishes, Dr Watson.

The original Watson, as written by Conan Doyle, is far from a duncewaffle. However in films and TV it has become fairly normal to portray Watson as a Duncewaffle. This is to fill the need of the medium of a character who the average viewer feels smarter than. In particular I would offer Nigel Bruce’s Watson as a duncewaffle candidate being moderately dim and all bluster. I think of Basil Rathbone as the apogee of on screen Sherlocks, even if there are other more true to the book sherlocks out there.

Watson would be a cleric who maybe has dipped into fighter for a few levels.

[Eldan]

Weren't there some cast members in Blackadder that would qualify, though? Lord... Flashheart, or something like that, or Baldrick? I think those were some of the resident imbeciles... like I said, not that familiar with Blackadder. Should really get around to watching it one of these years...

Lord Flashheart is a comically exagerated Ace protagonist. Bit of an idiot, but shown as comically hypercompetent and charismatic.

The various Georges are fantastic Duncewaffles, though. Baldrick too.

https://i2-prod.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article2087863.ece/ALTERNATES/s1200d/Hugh-Laurie-as-Prince-George-in-Blackadder.jpg

Pip pip tally ho.

[GloatingSwine]

I'd say no to Blackadder. In most incarnations, his thing is that he's too smart and cynical for his own good, engaging in overelaborate plans that fail in comical ways. He's not stupid, just callous and greedy and his main problem is that he's in a comedy world that won't let him succeed.

Blackadder the First would though. He's every bit as callous and greedy as all the rest, but he has the brains usually associated with at the very least a George, if not Baldrick.