Character Concepts for Next "Everything" Book

[Abracadangit]

There's this established pattern now, of each of the main 5e expansion books being partially narrated by a character from the D&D mythos, usually an affable villain type. The characters so far have been... okay, I guess? Xanathar is sort of humorous in his arrogant, childlike, beholderish worldview which doesn't understand how anything works, and Tasha was quippy, in a way that didn't do anything for me but I get why other people might have liked it.

I suppose my problem with both of these is that the little asides or vignettes don't ground the characters as part of the world, in a meaningful way -- it's more like the villain is reading the book over your shoulder, instead of supplying their take/research/experience on the subclass or whatever. Like, ok, Tasha thinks this paladin subclass is stupid, that's fine -- but why not make that feel more alive with a vignette about a time she fought a paladin from that order, or a story she heard, or... something substantive. Or if there isn't a story, at least something that makes the subclass sound cool, or interesting.

So my question for you is: if WotC showed up at your door tomorrow and was like "The writer on the next expansion book bailed on us, we need a character to do the narration parts and we're all out of ideas, please help us," what would your concept be?

Some ideas I think would be cool:

--A fast-talking magic merchant who's been around the world and has tales of the people and things they've seen, typically with a salesy bent. ("The soulknives I've met are fascinating folks: they can conjure daggers out of thin air, made from nothing but willpower and mental force! Great for infiltration, surprise attacks, and entertaining at dinner parties. Not so great for dagger sales, though. And if they figure out how to conjure psychic lockpicks, I'll be out of business by the end of the month.")
--A proprietor of an adventurer's guild or mercenary company, who's seen every subclass five times or more. ("Soulknives? Sure, we get the occasional one, usually the solitary type. Bit of a stigma about recruiting them, on account of the mystery behind the knives. If it's not magic, then where are they coming from, right. But after people see them drop a bandit crew with nothing but pointy thoughts, the recruiting stigma goes away fairly quick.")
--A crotchety lich, with a sort of wry, get-off-my-lawn attitude. ("I hear there are thieves now who can make daggers with their mind. Of course - give a thief psychoconstructive powers, the first thing they think to do is make a pocketknife. Still, their resourcefulness is hard to deny, as is the utility of their telepathic abilities. Just don't ask for anything more elaborate than a letter-opener.") [I feel like this is what Tasha was supposed to be, I just didn't like the vibe.]

How about you guys? Throw ideas in the ring!

[Khrysaes]

Edit: I misunderstood.

Hmm...
Jarlaxle. A charismatic rogue with witty lines.

[loki_ragnarock]

Melf - Except play him out as a curmudgeon who wants the kids to get off of his lawn.
"In my day we had to research our own acid arrows. And then when we used them up we had to shoot arrows."
"Why, back when I was young we had to forcemarch uphill to reach the dungeon, and then forcemarch futher uphill to reach the town, and half of us had died of dysentery by then, anyway."

EDIT:
"Is this even a ranger when it doesn't get bonuses against enemies of humanity?"

"Wait, this wizard specialty can cast *all* of the spell schools? Snowflakes."

"This chart doesn't look right. It's like it's been inverted somehow."

[Psyren]

(I like the snarky quips...) *kicks pebble*

I want much more psionic stuff, so I'd say Ialdabode, Mitra, Sandharrow or Sangalor narrating a book about that material would be a great addition. Alternatively, if you're looking for a markedly different tone - I imagine Drizz't or Entreri narrating a book would be a lot less whimsical and a lot more gritty/edgelord in nature, which could actually be entertaining in its own right. Also, a book on divine-flavored options narrated in more pious fashion by a Cadderly or Jozan would be worth every penny imo.

Now, if you were looking for a narrator for a new monster book, you could find a D&D character who is closer in MO to a Stereotypical Big Game Hunter - think a Quartermain or Nesingwary type. That would differentiate such a volume from Volo's scholarly cataloguing, Elminster's stream of ye olde warnings or Mordenkainen's matter-of-fact musings for example.

[PhantomSoul]

Melf - Except play him out as a curmudgeon who wants the kids to get off of his lawn.
"In my day we had to research our own acid arrows. And then when we used them up we had to shoot arrows."
"Why, back when I was young we had to forcemarch uphill to reach the dungeon, and then forcemarch futher uphill to reach the town, and half of us had died of dysentery by then, anyway."

EDIT:
"Is this even a ranger when it doesn't get bonuses against enemies of humanity?"

"Wait, this wizard specialty can cast *all* of the spell schools? Snowflakes."

"This chart doesn't look right. It's like it's been inverted somehow."

This sounds like one I might actually enjoy -- take note, WotC!

[Psyren]

Would you even need a splat for that? Sounds like Melf should just read the PHB :smalltongue::smalltongue:

[Amnestic]

Melf - Except play him out as a curmudgeon who wants the kids to get off of his lawn.
"In my day we had to research our own acid arrows. And then when we used them up we had to shoot arrows."
"Why, back when I was young we had to forcemarch uphill to reach the dungeon, and then forcemarch futher uphill to reach the town, and half of us had died of dysentery by then, anyway."

EDIT:
"Is this even a ranger when it doesn't get bonuses against enemies of humanity?"

"Wait, this wizard specialty can cast *all* of the spell schools? Snowflakes."

"This chart doesn't look right. It's like it's been inverted somehow."

Sold. Melf's Manifesto of Everything. Make it happen.

[T.G. Oskar]

We need someone from Eberron to narrate. Maybe the Great Druid Oelian, or Erandis, or maybe a commentary from all of the royals in the Five Nations?

I like the ring of The ir'Wynarn's Dossier of Everything. You could have one or more of the current royals (Queen Aurala, King Boranel, regent Diane, King Kaius III and Prince Oargev) comment on things, showing their particular leanings on how they'd use that information for their own purposes. That would also showcase how the leaders of the Five Nations as they stand now would behave.

[Psyren]

We need someone from Eberron to narrate. Maybe the Great Druid Oelian, or Erandis, or maybe a commentary from all of the royals in the Five Nations?

I like the ring of The ir'Wynarn's Dossier of Everything. You could have one or more of the current royals (Queen Aurala, King Boranel, regent Diane, King Kaius III and Prince Oargev) comment on things, showing their particular leanings on how they'd use that information for their own purposes. That would also showcase how the leaders of the Five Nations as they stand now would behave.

A Warforged perspective could be interesting, especially since it gives them some unique ways to approach the handwriting. The Lord of Blades feels a bit too obvious, but he's also the most famous one - I could see one like Three getting to provide their thoughts.

[Brookshw]

Sold. Melf's Manifesto of Everything. Make it happen.

"Back in my day we didn't have character names" :smallbiggrin:

[dafrca]

Jarlaxle. A charismatic rogue with witty lines.

He might be a good one.

How about Raistlin Majere on a book focused on various options for magic/casters/spells/and gods?

[Naanomi]

Agis from Darksun would be a decent psionics book narrator. Darksun perspective would naturally lead to interesting commentary

[Trask]

I think a great choice would be Zagig Yragerne, the proverbial "Mad Archmage" of Ur-D&D lore and the "boss" of Gygax's original dungeon. Beyond being a nice homage, he is insane and all the evidence points to it being a playful kind of Mad Hatter insanity with a hard fantasy edge. Also look at his art, he just looks like a fun character to portray.

It could also be cool to pick a character that isn't a magical caster type but maybe a well traveled warrior, if were sticking with the slightly villainous bent we could pick Robilar of Greyhawk fame as an epic level Fighter who was seduced to evil chaos and betrayed his friends. I'm imagining a gruff, sinister soldier type with little regard for things beyond their use in combat, maybe to a comedic degree.

Lot of Greyhawk characters here, I guess their characters are a little more interesting.

It might be cool to pick a God, maybe an infamous one like Lolth. She's well known and could give a nice sinister tone, more smug femme fatale with a chip on her shoulder than Tasha's zany wine aunt.

[Naanomi]

Actually if we are going to do a Darksun character, maybe we do Durwadala the Kreen druid (in a 'primal' focused book? Focus on rangers, barbarians, druids... Spirit patron warlock, etc). They are the 'wise old mentor' character to the main Darksun NPCs

Kreen would generate lots of 'just eat them' humor, as well as mocking people from other planes outside of Athas for having things too easy

[Kane0]

Jarlaxle. A charismatic rogue with witty lines.

Sounds good to me, we've already had a Monster and a Mage.

[Witty Username]

Drizzit, all emo poetry.

[Abracadangit]

These ideas are great!! I would take any of these in a heartbeat.

A shout-out to Jarlaxle, Melf, and Drizzt, but all of these are awesome. I just want someone that actually sounds cool in the narration, really.

[Spriteless]

I think I'd enjoy A'kin talking about treasure. I have fond memories of The Friendly Fiend, and it's fun to juxtaxpose his friendy persona with his Arcanoloth nature.

[Azuresun]

There seems to be a trend of villains narrating the Everything books, so maybe Acererack, Szass Tamm, or Tasslehoff?

[noob]

Of course the real answer is that Norrin the wary will be the one narrating the new everything book.
Because WOTC wants more MTG crossovers.

[rlc]

i'd kind of like to see a hero this time, rather than a villain. maybe something like like eberk's encyclopedia of everything?

[Joe the Rat]

A Monster, and an Archwizard/near-entity. Other non-everything books have been by wizards, monster-hunters, hidden gods, and a random schmuck. An Everything book by a non-caster would help spread the balance. Although I suppose "by" isn't really what we have here. Nominally this is supposed to be from collected lore, but the title character voice is more of a Dresden in the Margins style...
Yeah, if we're FR-locked, Jarlaxle would be a good choice.

If our next dive is distinctly setting-agnostic or Deliberately Multiplanar, we ought to look for an Out There "editor" - A'kin, Rule-of-Three, a bickering of Factols... heck, Vlaakith might be amusing in that "I'm so bored, this might cut into the ennui while I work my schemes against my internal enemies and lay out my next request for conquest" sort of way. But it might be good to step back from outright villains. Anybody have a good Named and Known Neutral-to-Good entity with an amusing personality?


Of course the real answer is that Norrin the wary will be the one narrating the new everything book.
Because WOTC wants more MTG crossovers.
This has potential.

[togapika]

Jarlaxle. A charismatic rogue with witty lines.

Get him and Artemis. Artemis as the straight man obviously

[Naanomi]

Anybody have a good Named and Known Neutral-to-Good entity with an amusing personality?
Rikus and Neeva have a good 'bash brothers' vibe (they are the two partner gladiators you see on every Darksun product). They are both neutral-Good heroes (by Athasian standards anyways)

[werescythe]

Evard's Forbidden Tome of Everything.

[sandmote]

My personal preference would be for an Everything book would be spelljammer themed and narrated by Large Luigi. The Rock of Bral would probably be a good place to bring the setting back, at the very least. I assume everyone else would be annoyed it would be a second beholder.

Otherwise, yeah, some martial character would bring a nice perspective.